 |
|
The Gypping in the Marsh Village Website Gypping in the Marsh in Times Past
|
Home - The Chronicles - The Aristocrat The AristocratIn which Lord Murray, 18th Earl of Gypping, attempts to help a bank official to appropriate funds from a dead German's bank account in order to save the roof of Hemlock Hall, aided and abetted by a supporting cast of strangely familiar aristocratic characters. Cast of characters
From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Please respond Sent: Thu, 09 Oct 2003 13:21:15 FROM THE DESK OF BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER, DR, NKONYE, BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DE ABIDJAN. ABIDJAN, REPUBLIC OF COTE D'IVOIRE. TEL 0022505-66-37-31 ATTN, I am the Manager of Bill and Exchange at the Foreign Remittance Department of Banque Internationale de Abidjan (BIA). I am writing following the impressive information about you through my research from your country directory. It's assured me of your capability and reliability to champion this business opportunity. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $18.5 million (eighteen million, five hundred thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family in a Concorde plane crash in the year 2000 in Paris that almost took the whole life of the passengers on board. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and other officials in my department now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill. The banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after three years, the money will be transferred into the bank treasury account as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and an Ivoirean cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. We agree that 30% of this money will be for you as foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account, 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60% would be for me. Thereafter I will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relations or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name, your bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location where in the money will be remitted. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately. Yours faithfully, Dr Nkonye (Bill and Exchange Manager) Private line: 0022505-66-37-31 NB. My intention of writing you through email is because I believe it is very confidential. From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Regarding your most interesting email Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 10:14:36 Nkonye, I am writing in response to the intriguing email that you sent to me a while ago. I must apologise for the lateness of my response - you must have thought I was never going to get back to you - but my laptop has been out of action for a while and I have only just managed to get it back up and running. It has taken me days to work through the mountain of emails that I had received. Having considered your proposal, I am extremely interested, and feel that I am in a position to be able to help you out. However, it seems to me that to carry out what you suggest would be sailing rather close to the wind of the law, if you get my drift. Can you absolutely assure me that there is no risk involved in this affair? I have my reputation to consider, and it would be disastrous for me if the press got wind of the fact that I was involved in anything remotely felonious. If you require my assistance, please email me back with further details. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: DR NKONYE (TRUST IS THE KEY) Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 12:12:48 +0000 Dear Gilbert Murray, I have acknowledge the receipt of your mail and all the contents was well understood by me. Firstly I want you to bear in mind that I contacted you on a good faith and in cleans spirit for us to share this mutual benefit giving to us, as I am assuring you that hence you will follow up my instructions regarding to this transaction I don't think that anything will stop this money not to get to your account since I have made all the necessary arrangement for the smooth transfer of this fund to your bank account and also you will promise to remain faithful and sincere to me as I will impose all my trust and hope on you hoping that you will not betray me if this money get to your account. Bear in mind that TRUST is the key to achieve success in every business, so with TRUST we are going to achieve this opportunity giving to us. As I told you in my first letter that this fund belong to our late customer who died on a plane crash with his entire family and since then nobody have come for the claim of this fund, and he was a very good friend of mine when he was alive so I have all the informations about him and this deposited money in my bank, and again since I am the insider working in the same bank you have to know that I can not claim the fund that is the most reason why I contacted you for this assistance and I don't want the bank to know about my involvement in this transaction as I will feeding you back with every information needed from the bank. I even sponsored a trip to Germany, for verification of the late deceased family for more informations about him and his family background and every thing was successful, so feel free and have no fear on this particular transaction, I strongly believe that people do at times illegal business around the world but I am assuring you that mine is legal and 100% genuine, there is no risk involved. Upon the receipt of your response to this mail I will send you the text of the application form, that I have arranged on your favour, which you will fill accordingly and fax it to the bank for the approval of the fund on your behalf as the next of kin/beneficiary to this fund, and as soon as you fax the application form to the bank I will send to the vital documents which I have with me that will prove you the beneficiary of the deposited fund. These are the documents.
These are the documents which you will send to the bank on their request immediately you send the application to them as the cousin to the late deceased, since he died off with his entire family. My dear feel very much free and handle this transaction with me with utmost secrecy and confidential, because I am a married man with children, and I want you to do your best and have this money transferred to your account as we are going to invest it in your country under your advisory care and management control upon the receipt of the fund on your bank account. Finally I will like to know more about you and your area of business as to understand ourselves much better and also I will need to have a copy of your picture as I will send mine also. By the time we meet together in your country as one family you will understand that I am very good and responsible man to handle business with. I think I will stop here till I hear from you for us to start the procedures, and do not haste to ask any informations or questions that you needed to be clarify from me. And again I will like to have your direct telephone number for easy communication. Upon the receipt of your positive response to this mail I will send you the text of application as I told earlier. Await your urgent response. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye (Tel: 0022505663731) From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: More information on me Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 16:18:02 Nkonye, Thank you for your prompt response to my email, and for providing me with the extra information I requested. I remember the Concorde crash you refer to as if it were only yesterday. The sight of that majestic plane falling from the sky in a ball of flame will be imprinted on my mind forever. What a terrible day that was. How fortunate, though, that some good can come out of such a tragic event - both of us stand to do very well out of the death of that poor German fellow. You made it very clear in your email that trust is imperative in this matter. I could not agree more. I understand the delicacies involved, and we both have our reputations to uphold, so I can assure you that I will deal with this matter with the utmost secrecy, tact and discretion. I can quite understand that you want to know as much as possible about me before we collaborate on this business. I shall therefore give you some background information on myself, which I hope will convince you of my sincerity, honesty and trustworthiness, and will show that I am a suitable partner for this venture. As you say that you have already carried out some preliminary research on me, you presumably know that I am Lord Murray, 18th Earl of Gypping. Note therefore, that the correct form of address is "Lord Murray", not "Gilbert". Only my dear late mother called me "Gilbert". I would appreciate it if you could address me properly from now on. For the record, my full name is Gilbert Arnold Algernon Ffarquhar Pomphrey Maurice Micklewhite Murray. My family has a tradition of passing on the names of relatives to their offspring, resulting in rather overlong names such as mine. "Lord Murray" is thankfully much more succinct. My family is of Norman stock (the family name was originally "de Meurray" until it was anglicised), and came over to England with the Conqueror in 1066. The family first came to prominence when my distant ancestor, Gaston Hirondelle de Meurray, a knight in the King's service, assisted the Conqueror when he fell ill after eating a surfeit of lamprey. The grateful monarch granted him the hereditary title of King's Keeper of the Privy, a title which has been proudly held by my ancestors up to and including the present day (although the duties associated with the role have thankfully been reduced to one ceremonial act per year, which takes place on 21 August). My family has been pre-eminent in English history from that day forward. The first Earl, Norman Stanley Fletcher Murray, was granted the Earldom of Gypping by Charles II the day after the King was restored to the throne. The first Earl had been one of the King's most faithful retainers all the way through Cromwell's Commonwealth, and risked his life on many occasions to perform his duties in the King's service. The Earldom of Gypping, and a substantial parcel of land in the county of Lincolnshire, was his reward. The first Earl lost no time in stamping his mark on his land by beginning the construction of Hemlock Hall, on the edge of the village of Gypping in the Marsh. It was not the best location to build a large manor house; as the name of the village suggests, the ground around here is extremely swampy, and the original Hall sank into the mire just three years after it was completed. Nevertheless, the first Earl persevered, and found that the sunken timbers of the first Hall made an excellent foundation for the construction of the second Hemlock Hall, which forms the basis for the house in which my family has lived ever since. As the fortunes of my family grew in the intervening centuries, the Hall was extensively enlarged, but you can still see traces of the original Hemlock Hall in the cellars below the second ballroom. Unfortunately, the 20th Century was not so kind to my family. A combination of rising death duties and ill-conceived business ventures (such as the 16th Earl's plans to ship coals to Newcastle and sell ice to the Esquimau) resulted in my family's fortune being dramatically reduced. When my father, the 17th Earl, died, I inherited not only the Earldom and Hemlock Hall, but crippling debts. Ever since I inherited the title, it has been a constant struggle for me to maintain Hemlock Hall and to prevent it from sinking into a state of total dereliction. Thankfully, my efforts have so far been successful. I have been forced to cut back the number of staff working here to the bone, and have started a number of reasonably successful business ventures, selling organic produce that we grow on the estate. I have even managed to wrest back some of the family's fortune, and thanks to a frugal lifestyle, can now count myself as reasonably wealthy once again. However, Hemlock Hall remains in a parlous state. This is why I am keen to partake in this business venture. The 30% of the profits coming my way should be enough to arrest the decline in the Hall's condition and to carry out some of the most urgent building work, such as stabilising the foundations, treating the rising damp and replacing the roof. Without this work, Hemlock Hall is doomed to fall into wrack and ruin. After such a long line of illustrious ancestors, I would hate to be known as the Earl who allowed the Hall to fall. I am sorry, I fear I may have digressed somewhat. However, hopefully this has given you some idea of my character and my motivation. Here are my personal details: Name: Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping Address: Hemlock Hall, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK Telephone: 01927 58367 The infrastructure here at Hemlock Hall is rather antiquated, and I do not have a fax machine. I trust that emailing documents to me will not be a problem. I trust that this is all the information you need from me in order for us to move forward. I look forward to receiving the death certificate and fund origin certificate from you as soon as possible, and to working closely with you on this venture to ensure a successful and profitable outcome for both of us. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: SEE THE NEXT MAIL FOR THE APPLICATION FORM Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 17:46:55 +0000 Dear Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I thank you so much for your mail and also the informations and profile about yourself and your family background. I am so much more than happy, and I have every confidence and trust with you in this business transaction which we will carried out on a good faith. Once again I really appreciate your effort so far in this transaction. About the death certificate and fund origin certificate I will be sending it to you as soon as you send the application form which I will send to you now to fill accordingly and send it to the my bank immediately for the approval of the fund on your behalf as the beneficiary/next of kin, as I have arranged it on your favour. Check the next mail for the application form. Finally my brother, now that I have imposed all my hope and trust on you regarding this business transaction I will need a copy of your picture, because I have invested a lot in this transaction to see that I gathered all informations completed before contacting. Await your urgent response. Remains yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: FILL THE APPLICATION FORM AND FAX IT TO THE BANK Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 17:50:48 +0000 ATTACHED IS THE TEXT OF APPLICATION OF CLAIM YOU WILL FILL PRINT OUT AND SUBMIT TO THE BANK BY FAX OR VIA EMAIL FOR PROCESSING FOR THE RELEASE OF THE FUND INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT. PLEASE GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS YOU FAX THE APPLICATION FORM. From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: A query, and my photograph Sent: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 09:52:26 Nkonye, Thank you for your email, and for sending me the text of the application form which I am to send to the bank. I must say, I am most impressed with the speed and efficiency with which you are conducting this business. Most commendable. I have had a most disagreeable night. We had a violent storm last night, and the wind blew some more slates off the roof of the east wing, where the roof is in a particularly poor condition. As a result of this, the rain poured into one of the guest bedrooms. My manservant, Winton, alerted me to the problem at 2am, and we spent the rest of the night teetering on the top of ladders in the midst of the gales, patching up the hole in the roof with a tarpaulin as the winds whipped around us. I am sad to say that the ingress of water has severely damaged the 18th Century handmade Chinese wallpaper in the bedroom, possibly irrevocably. This is a disaster - the wallpaper is practically irreplaceable. Such are the trials and tribulations of looking after such a house. But back to business. Before I send the application form to the bank as you requested, could you confirm to me that the dead German's name is correct? He is named on the form as "Athur Billings", but I have never come across anyone called "Athur". And with my family history I am well-used to people with long and unusual names. Should this be "Arthur Billings"? Please confirm. Could you also confirm that the name of the bank official I am to send this to is "Sir Yao Ngoran"? As for the rest of the form, I will correct the rest of the spelling mistakes it contains, then print it off and forward it on to the bank as soon as you get back to me. You asked for my photograph. Of course, my dear fellow. I have attached it to this email. I am the gentleman in the centre of the photograph, which was taken earlier this year at an awards ceremony at Cleethorpes University, our local establishment of learning, which was founded by my ancestor, the third Earl. My family has always maintained close links with the University, and in recognition of this, I am honoured to hold the hereditary position of the University's Grand Wazoo. I look forward to receiving your own photograph in return, my dear fellow. Tell me also, what is your first name? Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: A query, and my photograph Sent: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 13:54:38 Nkonye, I am disappointed that you have not yet responded to the email I sent you this morning, in which I raised two queries relating to the application form you sent me. I had hoped that you would have responded in a more timely manner. I am a busy man and am keen to see this transaction concluded as soon as possible. Kindly respond to my queries by return so that I can send the application form to the bank. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: SEE ATTACH FOR MY PICTURE Sent: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 16:09:23 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, Please I am very sorry for the late response to your mail, at least you suppose know the nature of my job. Since we are attending to so many clients in the bank, that is the reason why I delay to get back to you. Again, I am very sorry for the disaster that happened yesterday night in your city, but I believe when good thing and blessings coming on somebody's way, there will be many temptations, but we must overcome all and achieve our goal, so do not worry about the incidence that happened yesterday night and be a man, because I believe very soon you must surely restored every thing back in abundantly. Please regarding the application form I sent to you, you should bear in mind that here is a French speaking country, so you have to bear with us. Here is the correct name to late deceased, MR ARTHUR BILLINGS, and the name of the bank official is SIR YAO NGORAN. So you can print it now and fax it to the bank immediately, as I will be sending you the copy of my picture, in fact yours is nice and I will like to have your personal picture also. Await your urgent response as soon as you send the application form to the bank. Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Thank you for responding Sent: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 16:49:32 Nkonye, Thank you for your email, and for responding, eventually, to my queries. Now that you have answered them, I shall engage Winton's assistance immediately and we shall print out, sign and rescan the form. Winton understands modern technology far better than I do. I have trouble sometimes understanding how the system of bells and wires that I use to summon the servants works. You must be having some difficulty with technology yourself - the attachment you sent me was a blank document. Please resend your picture. As soon as Winton has helped me to scan the form back into the computer, I shall email it to the fellow at the bank as you requested. I am afraid that I will be unable to devote much of my time to this endeavour over the coming weekend. My dear wife, Lady Murray, has one of her distant aunts, Lady Godiva, visiting, so our time will be spent entertaining her in the manner to which she is accustomed. Winton has been airing one of the guest suites in the east wing this afternoon in preparation for her arrival - not the one affected by last night's leak, of course. I only hope that the old dear does not find her rooms too draughty - this is not a warm house, and she has a tendency not to wear enough clothes. If she will insist on sitting around the place wearing next to nothing, what can we do if she complains about the cold? Ah, I can hear Winton's footsteps approaching along the corridor now. The system of bells and wires that was installed by the 14th Earl is magnificent. I have only to tug Winton's cord a couple of times and the man comes almost instantly. I sincerely hope that you have a splendid weekend, my dear fellow, and I look forward to receiving your picture. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: BIAO Bank Subject: Application for the transfer of funds Sent: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 16:55:22 Ngoran, Please allow me to introduce myself. I am Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping. I am writing to you following the untimely demise of my cousin, Mr Arthur Billings, a German citizen resident in the Ivory Coast, who carelessly died in a plane crash in the year 2000. As Mr Billings' immediate family were also most inconveniently killed in the same plane crash, I am now Mr Billings' closest surviving relative. It has come to my attention that Mr Billings has a sum of $18.5 million dollars deposited with your bank. I am therefore writing to you, in the position of Mr Billings' closest surviving relative, to apply for the transfer of these funds from your bank into my own bank account. Please see the attached document for details. Kindly contact me as soon as the funds have been transferred into my bank account. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping  From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: I have forwarded the application form to the bank Sent: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 17:03:49 Nkonye, A quick email to inform you that I have just sent the application form to the fellow at the bank. I could not believe how quick and easy it was. Winton truly is a gem amongst butlers. I shall now see if there is anything I can do to help my dear lady wife prepare for the arrival of her aunt tomorrow. The old girl can be quite troublesome sometimes. I foresee a weekend fraught with difficulties. Anyway, I wish you a pleasant weekend, and look forward to resuming this business on Monday. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: HAPPY WEEKEND TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY (RE-ATTACH MY PICTURE) Sent: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 18:07:00 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I thank you so much for your urgent response to my mail, and as well the application form which you told me you have sent to the bank. Now we will wait to hear from the bank for the approval of the fund on your behalf as the beneficiary/next of kin, which I strongly believe that the bank will approve it on your behalf as I have made all the necessary arrangement for the smooth transfer to your account. Please you have to keep me updated as to know the development between you that the bank, because now that you have fax this application form to the bank you are the recognise and the beneficiary known to the bank since all the endorsement and signatory will be on your name. Once again have the faith and believe that very soon we will meet together as one family and have embraced of ourself. I have re-attached again my picture. I wish you happy weekend to you and your family as I hope to hear from you by Monday morning as you promised. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia  From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Thank you for your photograph Sent: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 09:30:32 Nkonye, Thank you for sending me your photograph. I must say, you look like a jolly chap. I trust that you had an enjoyable weekend. Lady Godiva arrived at Hemlock Hall on Saturday, and as expected, she immediately started to complain that it wasn't warm enough. I pointed out to her, as I always do, that most people tend to wear more clothes, especially at this time of year, but she completely disregarded me and continued to moan about the temperature all weekend. Winton made a roaring fire in her bedroom on Saturday night, but that still wasn't enough to satisfy the old girl. Lady Murray and I sighed with relief when she left on Sunday. On a more positive note, Sunday was the day of the annual Gypping in the Marsh Autumn Fete, at which the vicar of St Mary's, Parson Snows, had asked me to judge the two main competitions of the day: Cock of the Year, and Baps of the Year. Gypping in the Marsh is famed throughout the area for the quality of its cockerels. Local farmers have bred them for centuries, and the Gypping Cock is renowned as one of the finest breeds available. It has a particularly elaborate set of tail feathers. So, midway through the afternoon I judged the Cock of the Year competition. It was a sight to warm the cockles of one's heart, to see so many local farmers standing in a line, proudly holding their cocks in their hands. After examining them closely, I finally judged Farmer Palmer's cock to be the finest in the show, and he looked on with immense pride as I handed him a rosette. After judging the cockerels, it was the ladies' turn, as I judged the Baps of the Year competition. The ladies of Gypping in the Marsh have baked a uniquely-shaped type of soft bread roll for more years than anyone cares to remember, and they compete ferociously each year to show that their baps are finer than anyone else's. When the judging commenced, the ladies stood in a line with their baps proudly on display. After examining and nibbling each of the ladies' baps in turn, I pronounced Mrs Huntley's to be the finest baps I had ever seen. I expect that I shall hear from the bank sometime today. I will contact you as soon as I have heard from them, my dear fellow. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: BAD NEWS FROM DR NKONYE AKUBIA Sent: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 10:56:45 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I have a bad news from my wife this morning, I just received a telephone call from the hospital telling me how my dear wife had a fatal accident after she dropped my son in his school this morning on her way coming back home. According to the eyed witness, there is a big lorry from a bending corner which was unable to control from driver as the lorry failed brake and hit the bottom of the vehicle as my wife can not be able to control her steering any longer and droved to a corvet, which her car tumbled twice. In fact my brother I am writing this mail with tears rowling out on my face as I am totally confused I don't know what to do now, you need to see how my dear wife is lying in the hospital with blood all over her body, in fact am finish if I should loose her, because I am so much afraid on her condition. This is was what delay me from writing you this morning to know if the bank has contacted you for the immediate transfer of the fund to your account since you told me that you have send the application form to the bank, please you have to bear in mind that you are the person in position and access to this deposited money in my bank, as to feeding me back with the development between you and the bank, because you are now the beneficiary to the deposited fund. Please I have to stop here as I will be going back to the hospital now and I will be back in 2 hours' time as I will be expecting your mail, because right now am in a deep problem. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: You have my sympathy Sent: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 11:32:56 Nkonye, What thoroughly disagreeable news. I am shocked. I am aghast. You have my sympathy. I have told Winton your news, and he asks me to inform you that he too is shocked and aghast, and that you have his sympathy too. Believe me, I can fully appreciate how you must be feeling right now. Lady Murray had a fall whilst badger hunting last year when her horse threw a shoe, and she was quite badly bruised. It took days for the bruises to go down, during which time she was quite unable to appear in public. It was a most vexatious time for both of us, especially as it coincided with the annual Hunt Ball, which Lady Murray had to miss. Oh, Winton has just asked me to point out that it may be worthwhile asking the hospital staff to clean the blood from your wife's body. Cleanliness is next to godliness, as I'm sure you know. Mind you, by the sound of things, your wife is probably just about as close to god as it's possible to get at the moment without actually dying. On a more positive note, maybe you should look on the bright side, my dear fellow. After all, not many people survive fatal accidents in the way that your wife has done. I only hope that complications do not set in after the accident. Presuming that your wife is not dead when you reach the hospital, please pass on my kindest regards. And Winton's regards too. That is if she can hear you - I suppose she may be in a coma. Winton and I will say an extra little prayer tonight for you and your dear lady wife. We will pray to the Lord that she makes a full and complete recovery, and that she does not wake up as a mindless crippled cabbage who has to spend the rest of her life drooling in her bed as you feed her liquidised food through a straw. Still no word from the bank. No matter - I am sure they are busy people. I will contact you as soon as I hear from them my dear fellow. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: BIAO Bank To: Gilbert Murray Subject: BIAO BANK APPROVAL OF FUNDS Sent: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:54:00 +0300 (MSK) BANQUE INTERNATIONALE DE L'AFRIQUE DE L'OUEST Sequel to your application. Your money has been approved this 10th day of November 2003 to be transferred from account number 2864173255 to your nominated account as indicated on the application. Beneficiary: Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping You should therefore immediately forward the following documents as stated below:
As our banking procedures requires, you have to come down to Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire to sign and submit your documents. Or in alternatives you should contact an accredited financial attorney here in Abidjan to represent you, below is the contact of our accredited attorney. Barrister ADAMA SANGARE. Phone number 0022507884960. Email sangarechambers@justice.com. You will be advised to comply with these directives within our working hours to enable us proceed on the transfer of your funds into your account. Upon the receipt of the above documents, which is inline with article of the nation banking ethics SECTION IV SUB-SECTION 36 as amended in the physical year of 1996, the management of this bank will immediately transfer your fund via Telegraphic Transfer (T/T). Anticipating your co-operations. Yours faithfully, APPROVED BY Mr YAO NGORAN Director of Foreign Remittance Department. BIAO Cote d'Ivoire From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: The bank has contacted me Sent: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 14:17:51 Nkonye, I hope you found your wife in a good condition when you visited her in the hospital. Do let me know how she is, there's a good chap. This will cheer you up. I have received an email from Ngoran at the bank. I have to admit, I don't quite understand it all, but basically it seems that Ngoran wants me to send him a certificate of legality, that poor German fellow's death certificate, and a sworn affidavit from the Federal High Court of Justice in the Ivory Coast. Ngoran mentioned that I would have to travel to the Ivory Coast to sort things out. This shouldn't prove to be a problem. A trip to somewhere warm would be rather pleasant at this time of year. It would also be interesting to see Abidjan myself: the 7th Earl made a fortune trading slaves out of West African ports, and I'm sure that Abidjan was one of them. I'll have to check the family records to make sure. Disagreeable business, slavery, of course, but the fact remains that my family did rather well out of it. Oh well, that's all in the past now. Ngoran did mention that I could employ the services of a lawyer, but I see no need for that. I've not trusted lawyers ever since I lost my driving licence ten years ago. I paid through the nose for the best lawyer I could find, but I still got a three-year ban, a hefty fine and a suspended sentence. Still can't see what all the fuss was about. After all, the girl I ploughed into eventually regained partial use of her legs. It wasn't that bad. Well, I assume that you have the documents I need to send on to this Ngoran fellow. Forward them on to me as soon as you can, there's a good chap, and we can put this matter to bed. Winton sends his best wishes to you and your wife, by the way. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: PLEASE FOLLOW UP THE BANK INSTRUCTIONS Sent: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 15:35:22 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, It has not be easy for me I just came back from the hospital where my dear wife is lying without help. Again on the other side I feel very happy to hear that the bank has contacted you for the immediate transfer of this fund to your account, that is what I have been praying ever since I have been gathering this informations about this deposited fund in my bank. Please my dear brother, I want you to follow up the instructions from the bank to avoid any mistake, as they demanded the required documents for the immediate transfer of this fund, contact the bank immediately and ask them to give you the attorney contact so that you will contact him for the requested documents from the bank to avoid delay, because this fund is a huge amount of money and it will need those document to back it up and also prove you the real beneficiary of the fund. Once again, I want you follow up the bank instruction for us to achieve this goal without any problem, so that I will send to you the death certificate of the late deceased which I have here with me, but you need to get the rest through a help of an attorney from the Federal High Court, and furthermore you can as well tell the attorney to represent you in signing the fund release order in the bank, as I believe if you visit here the bank may ask you more questions that you may not answer and it will stop the transfer, as I told you earlier that I don't want them to know about my involvement in this regard. Then after the money get transferred to your account, you will visit here so that I and you will proceed to your country immediately, as to avoid any delay, because you must prepare for your coming arrangement which will take some time and also cause delay in this transfer, if really you want to come and even if you come here you must need assistance from a lawyer to get the documents from the High Court, that is why I suggest you should not bother to come at this stage till we have this money transfer to your account, because that is the most important thing now as I want everything to be done as soon as possible, and after you are very much free to travel down and spent little time with me and my family. Please my dear brother, I want you to contact the bank immediately you receive this mail and tell them to give you the attorney contact, so that you will contact him immediately and tell him to assist you in getting the required documents and submit it to the bank for the transfer on your behalf. Remember, you have to mention the name of the requested document, but do not mention the death certificate since I will send it to you to send to the attorney as soon as he get the remaining ones, so that he will submit all to the bank. I am waiting for your response as soon as you contact the bank and are through with attorney. I want you to call me immediately on phone as you know the predicament am going through at this moment. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: I am confused now Sent: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:10:09 Nkonye, Thank you for your email. I am glad to hear that your wife is not dead yet. Tell her to keep up the good work - I am sure she will pull through. Spent the afternoon castrating rams on the estate with Heathcliffe the Estate Manager, so I've seen a fair bit of blood myself today. Now then, Nyonke, you must be strong for your wife. A stiff upper lip, that's what you need. A stiff upper lip has stood my family in good stead for generations. Well, that and a huge amount of land and money. Now then, I'm afraid you have confused me over this fund transfer business. You told me last Thursday that you would send me a death certificate and a fund origin certificate. But I haven't received either from you yet. Now, this fellow at the bank tells me that I need to send him a death certificate, a certificate of legality, and a sworn affidavit from the Federal High Court of Justice in the Ivory Coast. He doesn't even mention the fund origin certificate. Do I need that or not? I trust you can see why I am confused. On top of this, I'm rather confused over our arrangements. You said in your last email that once the money is transferred into my account, I should come over to the Ivory Coast and then the two of us would both proceed straight back to this country. Where's the sense in that? Seems like a bit of a wasted trip on my behalf if you ask me. However, with all this fuss and bother over documents, I can see why you think I should get myself a good lawyer. With that in mind, Winton has suggested that I engage the services of a local lawyer: a Mr Welsby, of the firm Elton & Welsby. Apparently he is thoroughly decent and honest, and also charges a very fair fee. Winton says he used him some years ago after an unfortunate misunderstanding involving a schoolboy and a courgette, and Welsby ensured that all charges were dropped. What do you think? Should I contact Welsby and get him to move into action on our behalf? Now, please get back to me and clarify exactly what the position is regarding all these confusing documents. I will contact the bank and Mr Welsby as soon as I hear back from you. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping PS. Please do not worry yourself about secrecy - I will not let on to the bank that you have anything to do with this whole matter. I am the very soul of discretion. From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: SEE YOUR ATTACH FOR THE DOCUMENTS Sent: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 18:29:34 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I received your mail, but it seems you do not understand me very well regarding the last mail I sent to you, nothing seem to be confusing on this issue. Now my brother, I told you earlier that I will send you the death certificate and fund origin certificate as I promised, then the certificate of legality and sworn affidavit will provide through a help of attorney here in Cote d'Ivoire because the fund was originate here in this country. Again, the reason while I made mention of you coming down here as soon as the fund gets transferred to your account, is for you to meet my family and have a very good time with us as I believe that we are one family now, but if you can not make it better, immediately the fund get transferred you will then send me some money from the total sum for my travelling to meet with you, since I don't have any money left with me, couple with the predicament am going through, that is the reason why I want us to get everything done as soon as possible and have this fund transferred to your account without much time to delay. Please, I want you to contact the bank as I told you before so that they will provide lawyer for you in this country who will represent you in all the endorsement and as well get the other remaining documents and submit it to the bank immediately, because it will be a waste of money and time if you should get a lawyer from your country to represent you, as the fund was originated here in Cote d'Ivoire, and even if you do that in your country, you must surely get a another lawyer here who will represent because this fund is a huge amount of money. Even if the bank did not suggest you should get a lawyer I personally will advise you to do that, as to avoid any mistake, as I told earlier that I don't want anybody to know my involvement in this transaction, that is the reason why I support you should get a lawyer here who will stand on your behalf. So my brother go ahead and follow every instruction from the bank, no matter the cost as I believe that it will not cost much, because the most important thing is the death certificate and the fund origin which I will send to you now, as I have spent so much money in getting it, which I believe that the rest document will not cost anything compare to how much money I have spent to get these two documents, which is the most documents that prove you the beneficiary of the fund. So contact the bank immediately and ask them to give you the contact of the attorney so that by tomorrow or next this fund will be transferred to your account, but bear in mind that you have every right to deduct any incurable expenses you made on this regard to withdraw it as soon as this fund arrive in your account, like your telephone/fax bills you can as well keep the receipt of it, as I have kept the record of all I have spent so far in this transaction, to prove my sincerity to you when meet with you in your country. Finally my dear brother, I am sending you these documents with the trust and confidence I have on you, hoping that you will not disappoint me at this stage, because these two documents am sending to you now proved you the real beneficiary of this fund, that is the reason I delay to send it to you till I know your capability to carry this transaction with me. Now I have imposed all my hope and trust on you as one family, as you can see the stress am facing at moment, as am waiting for this money will be transferred to your account immediate, so that I will take good care of my wife condition as I have pay a lot of money and right now I received a call from the same hospital which they still demand extra $1,700 for more medication as she has lost so much blood. Now I am total confused because I don't know who I will run to, as I have imposed all my hope on this money to get transferred to your account so that I will save the life of my darling wife. Await your urgent response as soon as possible. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia   From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Thank you for clearing up the matter Sent: Mon, 10 Nov 2003 20:56:37 Nkonye, Thank you for your email, and for clearing up matters so concisely. My head was full of castrated rams yesterday afternoon, which probably explains why I found your last email rather confusing. Thank you also for the documents which you sent. I think I now understand what I have to do. I will contact the bank tomorrow and get things moving. I will also keep you informed of my progress with the bank. Best wishes to you and your wife. I sincerely hope that she makes it through the night. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: GOOD MORNING MY BROTHER Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 07:54:21 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, Good morning my brother, I was in the hospital all through the night going round the whole room as I could not bear seeing the condition my wife condition as she is lying helplessly. Meanwhile I received your mail this morning and also heard all you have said regarding your conclusion with the bank this morning. Go ahead and contact them without time delay as to see that all arrangement is concluded as soon as possible. Await your response to know the development between you and the bank, as I will be going to the hospital and be back in 1 hour time. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: BIAO Bank Subject: Documents attached Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 09:24:07 Ngoran, Thank you for your email regarding the transfer of funds from the late Arthur Billings' account into my own. Further to your request, I attach two documents: Mr Billings' death certificate, to prove that he is actually dead, and a fund origin certificate. I'm not too sure what the second document proves to be honest - my French is not too good. Please note that Arthur's first name is spelled incorrectly on both documents. I hope that this does not matter. Arthur would not have minded. Now then, you say that you also need a sworn affidavit from the Federal High Court of Justice in your country. I have been advised by a third party that it will be easiest for me to obtain this document with the assistance of a lawyer. You have suggested a Mr Adama Sangare. I will contact this chappie immediately and see if we can come to some arrangement. Incidentally, I would like to make it absolutely clear that I have no connection whatsoever with a Dr Nkonye Akubia. This man, whoever he may be, has nothing whatsoever to do with this whole business. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Sangare Chambers Subject: Request for information Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 09:50:07 Sangare, Allow me to introduce myself. I am Lord Murray, 18th Earl of Gypping. I am currently engaged in arranging the transfer of funds from the bank account of a late relative, Mr Arthur Billings, into my own bank account. Mr Billings was a German citizen resident in the Ivory Coast. I am now Mr Billings' closest surviving relative. I have been conversing with a chap called Ngoran, the Director of something or other at the Banque Internationale de l'Afrique de l'Ouest. I sent Ngoran Mr Billings' death certificate and a fund origin certificate today, but apparently I also need to obtain a sworn affidavit from the Federal High Court of Justice in your country. Not sure exactly what one of these things is, but this is where you come in: Ngoran has recommended that I use your services to obtain this document. Now then. I don't trust you lawyers to tell the truth. I had a bit of a bad experience a few years ago with one who turned out to be as useful as a chocolate teapot. Hopefully you will be different. What I'd like to know, before I engage your services, is details of your qualifications and experience, and details of your charging structure. What is this going to cost me? My butler, Winton, has had dealings with lawyers before, and tells me I should enquire whether you charge on a pro-contum basis, or whether your fees are to be inter-spatulum? Get back to me as soon as you can, there's a good man. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: I have contacted the bank and the lawyer Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 11:04:26 Nkonye, A quick email to let you know that I have contacted the bank this morning and passed on the documents you sent me. I have also contacted the lawyer they recommended, a chap called Sangare. Winton raised an eyebrow slightly when I told him I was not intending to employ Welsby's services in this matter, but I am sure that Sangare and I will be able to do business. I will keep Welsby in reserve, as it were, just in case this Sangare fellow turns out to be unsuitable. Glad to hear that your wife is hanging on in there. Give her my best when you see her next. Winton had a bit of a to-do with the coalman this morning. The chap who normally delivers our coal is apparently ill, so we had a new chap arrive this morning, who didn't know the ropes at all. He turned up and started unloading sacks of coal in the middle of the rear courtyard, rather than taking them down the passageway at the back of the house, where the coal bunkers are located. At this point, Winton, who was busy polishing the silverware in the kitchens, caught sight of what the man was doing. He raced outside instantly and accosted the man. When Winton told the coalman that he was unloading the coal in the wrong place, the coalman quite lost his temper, and a blazing row ensued. Winton, who is a large man, resolved the situation by grabbing hold of the brute roughly and taking him up the back passage, despite the man's protestations. The fellow then emptied his sacks, to Winton's satisfaction. I shall keep you informed of developments, my dear chap. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Sangare Chambers To: Gilbert Murray Subject: SANGARE CHAMBERS Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 06:49:07 -0800 (PST) TO LORD MURRAY, YOUR MESSAGE WAS WELL RECEIVED FIRST OF ALL I HAVE TO CONFIRM THE SAID INFORMATION FROM THE BIAO BANK AFTER THAT I WILL GO AND CONFIRM FROM THE HIGH COURT TO KNOW HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE TO OBTAIN THE DOCUMENTS I WILL GET BACK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY I RETURN FROM THE COURT. YOURS FAITHFULLY, BARRISTER ADAMA SANGARE SANGARE CHAMBERS, ABIDJAN, COTE DIVOIRE; TEL +22507884960 From: BIAO Bank To: Gilbert Murray Subject: BIAO BANK INFORMATION Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 19:05:13 +0300 (MSK) ATTENTION TO MR GILBERT MURRAY, WE THE MANAGEMENT OF BIAO BANK ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THE TWO DOCUMENTS YOU FORWARDED TO US WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU TO SUBMIT THE REMAINING DOCUMENTS TO ENABLE US EFFECT THE IMMEDIATE TRANSFER OF YOUR FUNDS. THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION. MR YAO NGORAN DIRECTOR, REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT, BIAO BANK, ABIDJAN, COTE D'IVOIRE From: Sangare Chambers To: Gilbert Murray Subject: SANGARE CHAMBERS Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 10:55:45 -0800 (PST) TO LORD MURRAY, I WAS ABLE TO CONFIRM FROM THE HIGH COURT AND THE SUPREME COURT THIS AFTERNOON. THE COURT HAS AGREED TO ISSUE THE DOCUMENTS TO YOU AND THEY ARE DEMANDING THE SUM OF $2,600 DOLLARS FOR ALL THE DOCUMENTS. THE COURT SAID YOU HAVE TO PAY THE $2,600 DOLLARS BEFORE THEY WILL ISSUE THE DOCUMENTS TO YOU. YOU HAVE TO SEND THE MONEY IN MY NAME THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER TO ENABLE ME GO BACK TO THE COURT TOMORROW MORNING AND PAY THEM SO THAT THEY WILL HAND OVER THE DOCUMENTS TO ME. SEND IT LIKE THIS: FIRST NAME: ADAMA LAST NAME: SANGARE ADDRESS: BP 146 ABIDJAN COTE DIVOIRE TEL: 0022507884960 WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER ABIDJAN COTE DIVOIRE IMMEDIATELY YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT THEN YOU SEND THE CONTROL NUMBER TO ME SO I CAN AS WELL COLLECT IT AND PAY TO THE HIGH COURT. EXPECTING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE. YOURS BARRISTER ADAMA SANGARE SANGARE CHAMBERS From: Gilbert Murray To: Sangare Chambers Subject: Hold your horses Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 20:11:33 Sangare, I am in receipt of the two emails you sent me today. I am grateful that you responded to me so quickly. However, hold your horses, man. You have not dealt with any of the questions I raised in my last email. I must have answers to these questions before I go ahead with this transaction and agree to using your services. To reiterate the points I raised in my last email:
Kindly answer my questions. Then we can move forward. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: BIAO Bank Subject: Three points Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 20:15:21 Ngoran, I am in receipt of your email. Three points. First, kindly address me in the correct manner. The correct form of address is "Lord Murray". Second, the lawyer you recommended does not seem very good at answering questions. This does not bode well. If he does not start doing as I ask of him, I will be forced to move forward with a lawyer in this country. Third, your CAPS LOCK key appears to be stuck on. Turn it off at once, man. Do you not know that it is rude to write COMPLETELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS? Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: The lawyer and the banker Sent: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 22:09:53 Nkonye, A quick email before I retire for the night to keep you up to speed with developments. I have heard from the bank and the lawyer. Unfortunately, the lawyer did not answer the questions I put to him, and Ngoran from the bank came across as rather rude. I have got back to both of them and hope to receive more civil and useful responses tomorrow. I do hope that your dear lady wife is still managing to hang on to life. Please send my regards to her. Now remember that stiff upper lip, Nkonye. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: PLEASE STILL HASTEN THE BANK Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 08:10:21 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, Good morning my brother, am sorry for not getting back to you yesterday as I was busy going round the whole place to see if I could be able to raise money from friends to take care of the hospital bill, but all was no avail. So you have to keep on contacting the bank and the lawyer so that they will know how urgency and serious you are for them to haste up with every arrangement, because all my hope now is lying on this fund to be transferred to your account so that I will take good care of my wife. Up till yesterday she could be able to raise her eye, in fact my brother I am afraid on the condition of my wife as her condition seems to be worse, as am praying day and night for her quick recovery, which I will like you and your family to join me on my daily prayers for my wife healing. Please, I will stop here and rush to the hospital and be back in 1 hour time. Hope to hear a positive response on the conclusion between you and the bank so that they will effect the transfer immediately without time delay. Remain yours sincerely brother Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: I am sorry to hear about your wife's condition Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 09:14:01 Nkonye, I am terribly sorry to hear about your wife's worsening condition. Tell those people at the hospital to pull their fingers out, won't you? I take it that she has not spoken since the accident. It must be a terrible time for you, not knowing whether the accident has turned her into a helpless cabbage. Regarding the transaction, I am as keen as you are to get this concluded as soon as possible - winter will cause havoc with the fabric of Hemlock Hall if I am unable to get the builders in before the onset of the worst of the weather this year. I am sure that I will be able to sort things out with the lawyer today. Unfortunately I will be slightly distracted from this business for part of today - Lady Murray has one of her distant relatives, Viscount Biskitt, visiting for the day on his way to the Scunthorpe point-to-point. I don't get on with the chap terribly well, to tell the truth - I find him rather vulgar and he is a very messy eater. Last time he visited us, he left a trail of crumbs behind him wherever he went. It took Winton an age to clean up after him when he had left. I do hope that your dear lady wife shows some signs of improvement today, my dear fellow. Please be assured that Lady Murray, Winton and I are praying fervently for her rapid and complete recovery. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: WAITING URGENT Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 10:16:00 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I just come back from the hospital and gone through the mail you sent to me regarding your conclusion today with the attorney and the bank. Please, I will appreciate it so much if you can assist me now with the present situation am going through regarding my dear wife condition, as I have raise some money for the hospital bill which I need you to send me some money from your side as soon as possible to save the life of my wife, her condition today is fair better than yesterday since she can open her eye now. I will appreciate it most if you can assist me as your blood brother as I believe that we are one family now so that I will not lose my wife. Once again, I thank you so much for your effort towards the conclusion of everything with the bank, and I still suggest you keep on disturbing the bank and the lawyer as I have made it known to you that here is a French speaking country and the system of government is quite different from English speaking people like your country. So I advise you follow up their instructions to avoid any mistake, because I believe immediately he get the documents and submit it to the bank, the transfer will be effected to your account immediately without much time to delay. Now the amount am need from you is only $850 to save the life of my dear wife so that I will add it with the little one I have with me and pay it to the hospital for the replacement of the blood which I told you how she lost so many blood on the accident. I am on the net waiting for your urgent response so that I will go the hospital immediately, please bear with me my brother as I have invested all the money I have with me in this transaction as to gathered all the informations completed which am happy that all the arrangement went successful before contacting you for us to share this mutual benefit together as one family. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Good news Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 11:47:41 Nkonye, Thank you for your email. I am pleased to hear that your wife is showing signs of improvement. She can open her eye now, can she? That is marvellous news. Tell me, can you see any spark of intelligence when you look into her eye, which may indicate that her brain is functioning normally? I do hope so. It would be a dreadful shame if she ended up a listless drooling mess. I can fully appreciate the dreadful situation in which you find yourself. However, I am afraid I am not in a position to send you $850 at the moment. We do have a few tens of thousands in the bank for use as spare cash as and when required, but I simply can't afford to pay your hospital bill at the moment. For one thing, the lawyer is demanding a large fee from me, and we need to get Lady Murray's Bentley serviced next week. That's never cheap. On top of this, Lady Murray is very keen to replace the hand-woven carpet in the hallway next month, which will cost an arm and a leg. However, I will be in a position to send you your share of the money as soon as this amount has been transferred into my account. I am sure that will happen soon, and I hardly think that the hospital is going to turn off your wife's life support system for the sake of a few days. Viscount Biskitt has arrived. Thankfully he will only be staying for a few hours. As it happens, he has come into rather a lot of money following the death of an aunt. He was rather well-off before, but now you could truly say that the Viscount is minted. I will get on to the lawyer immediately, my dear fellow, and see if I can hurry things along. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Sangare Chambers Subject: What's going on? Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 11:48:02 Sangare, I am rather disappointed not to have had a response to my previous email. Shake a leg, there's a good chap. I'm rather keen to move this business forward as soon as possible. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 12:47:45 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I never know that the lawyer has charged you for getting the requested documents on your behalf. So you should go ahead and settle every necessary thing with the lawyer so that the bank will effect the transfer to your account immediately. Meanwhile I will call the doctor now in the hospital and tell him to start taking care of my wife treatment as I will promise to settle all the accumulated bills in three days time, because I believe that as soon as the attorney get all the required documents and submit it to the bank, it will not take much time for the bank to effect the transfer to your account. Just go ahead and contact the lawyer as soon as you receive this mail, because that is the only thing holding this transfer, you can as well write to the bank and tell them that the lawyer will submit the documents to them as soon as possible. Also tell the attorney that immediately he get the documents on your behalf he should send them to you for your perusal and also submit it to the bank on your behalf. Await to hear from you soonest. Remain yours sincerely brother, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Sangare Chambers To: Gilbert Murray Subject: SANGARE CHAMBERS Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 05:48:35 -0800 (PST) TO LORD MURRAY, YOUR MESSAGE WAS WELL RECEIVED ACCORDING TO YOUR QUESTIONS MY CONSULTATION FEES IS ONLY $350 DOLLARS. MEANWHILE I DID NOT ASK YOU TO PAY MY CONSULTATION FEES NOW YOU ONLY HAVE TO PAY THE CHARGES FOR YOUR DOCUMENTS. I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FUNDS ARE TRANSFERED THEN IF YOU CAN RECOGNISE THAT I WORKED FOR YOU YOU CAN AS WELL APPRECIATE MY EFFORTS FOR MY JOB WELL DONE. THANKS FOR YOUR PATRONAGE, BARRISTER ADAMA SANGARE SANGARE CHAMBERS From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Negotiations are continuing with the lawyer Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 14:27:29 Nkonye, Thank you for your email. I am pleased to be able to tell you that negotiations are continuing with the lawyer. However, a few small matters of uncertainty remain, and we must get these cleared up before we can go ahead. I am sure you can understand. Viscount Biskitt has now left, having only stayed with us for lunch, thank god. What an odious man he is. On top of his appalling personality, the man has no sense of style; he turned up today dressed from head to toe in a shiny green suit, which he insisted was the height of fashion, but which looked simply dreadful. Nevertheless, Mrs Ogden prepared us a fine five-course repast, which has set me up marvellously for an afternoon spent shooting fish in a barrel, which is apparently the latest craze amongst the Chelsea set. Incidentally, I had a thought over lunch. You are a doctor yourself, are you not? No doubt your medical training will come in very useful over the coming weeks and months as you coax your wife back to good health. Talking of wives, I am going to be without my own good lady wife for the next couple of days. She has been invited over to Stuart Hall, the ancestral home of a distant cousin, Sir Roger de Courcey, for a spot of otter hunting. I was also invited to go and stay, but I declined - I want to devote as much of my time to this business as possible, especially after all that has happened to your wife. To be perfectly honest, I do not mind missing the trip too much - otter hunting bores me somewhat, and I find Sir Roger's butler, Nookiebear, rather rude. I will contact the lawyer immediately, and ensure that things are moving as quickly as possible. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Sangare Chambers Subject: You still have not answered my questions Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 14:29:30 Sangare, Thank you for your email, and for providing me with limited information on your fees. However, I am now confused: do I need to pay you the $350 consultation fee, or not? Is this included in the cost of the documents? Please clarify. On top of this, you still have not provided me with any information on your qualifications and experience. I must have this information before we can move forward. Now then, kindly apply your no doubt razor-sharp legal mind to my queries, and let's have some action so that we can proceed with this business. I am extremely keen to conclude this as soon as possible, and to be perfectly frank, you are holding things up at the moment. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping PS. Kindly desist from writing your emails COMPLETELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS. Has nobody told you before that this is rude? From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: TRY YOUR POSSIBLE BEST TO HAVE EVERY THING CONCLUDED WITH THE LAWYER Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 14:59:23 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, In fact my brother each mail I received from you always give me more confidence compare to the present situation am going through. Now I have call the hospital and speak directly with the doctor to continue giving my wife the best treatment as I told you earlier. Once again, I thank you so much for your effort regarding the immediate transfer of this fund to your account. Please my dear brother, I will be so glad if you should conclude every arrangement with the attorney today for him to proceed on the getting the requested documents on your behalf. Await to hear the development between you and the lawyer for the conclusion of everything as you promised. Remain yours sincerely brother, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: BIAO Bank Subject: Can you recommend an alternative lawyer? Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 16:58:03 Ngoran, I am writing to you regarding the dead German's funds which you have languishing in your vaults, which I am trying to transfer into my own bank account. I have been conversing with the lawyer you recommended, a chap called Sangare. However, I have to say that I am not overly satisfied with the fellow's performance so far. I have asked him one simple question three times, and he still has not furnished me with an answer. On top of this, he is slow to respond to my emails. Furthermore, either the CAPS LOCK key on his computer keyboard is broken, or the fellow does not know how to type properly. Sangare is delaying this whole transaction considerably. Were it not for the way in which he has been dealing with this matter, I am convinced that the money would have been transferred by now. For reasons that need not concern you, I am most keen that this transaction is completed as soon as possible. With this in mind, I would appreciate it if you could recommend an alternative lawyer to me. If you cannot recommend an alternative, I shall contact Mr Welsby, who practices law locally and who apparently moves through the legal jungle with the speed and finesse of a greased cheetah on roller skates. I look forward to your prompt response. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Problems with the lawyer Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 17:27:51 Nkonye, I am afraid to say that I have had no response from this lawyer fellow all afternoon. I came back into the house, fresh from my afternoon of shooting, fully expecting to have heard from this Sangare chap. But he has not contacted me at all. Bearing in mind the urgency of this transaction, I have grown weary of Sangare's torpidity. I have therefore written to Ngoran at the bank and asked him if he can recommend an alternative lawyer. If he cannot, I will contact the eminent Mr Welsby tomorrow and instruct him to zoom into action on our behalf. According to Winton, Welsby is as sharp as a fox when it comes to legal matters. This is just the sort of man we need, especially given the condition of your wife. I have just seen my dear lady wife's Bentley sweep down the drive: she has just left for Sir Roger de Courcey's place. This means that I can look forward to a few days' relative peace and quiet. I should imagine you are experiencing some peace and quiet yourself at the moment, with your wife being in hospital. Make the most of it while it lasts, my dear friend. I will let you know as soon as I have more news regarding the lawyer situation. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping PS. I don't know if you're a shooter yourself, but I wouldn't recommend shooting fish in a barrel. It may well be the latest craze among the bright young things in Chelsea, but I found it far too easy. From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I AM NOT HAPPY THE WAY YOU HANDLE THINGS Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 08:51:18 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, Good morning my dear brother, I was expecting your mail before I left office yesterday but every thing seems abortive. Meanwhile, regarding the development between you and the attorney, I could not understand what actually going on between both of you, because I believe by now you must have concluded every arrangement with him. Again bear in mind that lawyers are always busy people ,as I suggest all the your correspondence with him should not go through email, rather you to call him on telephone so that he will know how urgency and serious you are in this transaction. Also been a client you suppose to be disturbing him to hasten up with all the arrangement for getting the required documents. In fact the way you are handling this transaction does not please me at all, after you told me that you will be concluding everything with the bank and the lawyer yesterday, and up till now nothing good has happened. Now you are telling me that you will contact Mr Welsby to assist you in getting every necessary thing done after I have told you that all the arrangement must be from this country since the money was originated here in this country. If its possible to get all the documents there in your country, why must I be disturbing you to get it through here, I will not haste to give you go ahead to do so, as am avoiding mistake along the line so that any committee will not stopped the fund not to be transferred to your account. Finally I want you to call the lawyer immediately you receive this mail and settle everything with him once and for all so that the bank will effect the transfer, even if you don't have his telephone number, contact the bank and tell them to give you the number of the lawyer, if assume you don't have it with you. Could you please tell me the exact fee which the lawyer needed from you for the required documents? as I have told you earlier to keep record of any expenditure you made in this transaction as I kept mine already, in fact my brother I really confused on this issue because of the delaying. Now I have made promised to the doctor that I will take care of all the bills by today or tomorrow, but you want to make me a liar before him due to the delay in this transaction. I hope you are not trying to take into an ocean and abandon me there with out anybody to help me out after I have giving you all the necessary documents for the deposited fund in my bank, now the bank has recognised you as the beneficiary and ready to effect the transfer to your account, only to get all the required documents completed, which I think you must have done without letting me know to see that the fund get transferred to your account. Await to hear from you as soon as you have completed everything with the attorney today, and also I will like you to call me on phone as to update me the development so far. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: The lawyer is holding things up, not me Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 09:14:22 Nkonye, I am in receipt of your email. I can appreciate your concern over the length of time this business is taking. Believe me, I am equally concerned. The delays to this transaction are not my fault. They are all down to the lawyer that the bank recommended. Past experience has taught me never to engage the services of a legal professional without first obtaining details of their qualifications and their experience in the legal field. I do not want to entrust my affairs to a young hack fresh out of the local technical college, with nothing but an NVQ to their name. With this in mind, I have asked the lawyer three times to send me details of his qualifications and experience. The lawyer has still not sent me this information. The lawyer has also sent me confusing information over the amount of money I am required to pay: he has mentioned a "consultation fee" of $350, in addition to the $2,600 I have to pay in order to obtain the sworn affidavit from the Federal High Court of Justice. I have asked him to clarify whether or not I have to pay this additional fee, and he has not responded. As I am unwilling to put up with such shoddy service, I have asked Ngoran at the bank if he can recommend an alternative lawyer. However, Ngoran has not yet responded to me. I will contact the lawyer one more time today and give him one last chance to provide me with the information I have requested. I will let you know the outcome of this. Hopefully the man will pull his finger out and start doing some work. I trust that your wife's condition is improving. Please let me know how she is, my dear fellow. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Sangare Chambers Subject: You have one last chance Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 09:19:01 Sangare, I note that you have not yet responded to the email I sent you yesterday. I am anxious to move forward with this business, but I cannot do so until you have answered my queries satisfactorily. I will give you one last chance to answer my questions. In case you have forgotten them, here they are again: Do I need to pay you the $350 consultation fee, or is this included in the cost of the documents? Please send me information on your qualifications and experience. I have asked you for this information three times already, and you have not responded. Kindly take a moment or two of your time to answer my queries, or you can forget this whole business: there are plenty of lawyers out there looking for work. I have the money all ready to be transferred in order to obtain the sworn affidavit from the Federal High Court of Justice, but I must have answers to my questions before I move forward. Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I AM WAITING ON THE NET Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 10:15:06 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, Now I have understood where all the problems came from, please my dear brother, how can you asked a whole accredited attorney to the bank to send you his qualifications, just because you want him to represent you before the bank and also getting the required documents on your behalf. Despite your past experienced, you should not compared all the lawyer the same, because I am strongly believe that this attorney is one of the reputable attorney in this country, because he do represent foreign clients in some matters like this, and also bear in mind that I too is working in the same bank so I know much about him and he is the only person who will be recognised by the court immediately and he will get the documents with much time to delay. Regarding the consultation fees requested from the lawyer, I suggest you cleared up everything with him and forget asking him all the questions. As I believe that he is the only person who can get all the documents for you with delay, I do understand with you, but believe what I told that he is in right position to do this job for without any problem or delay along the line. So contact him and pay him the fees as he requested, so that he will proceed on getting the documents on your behalf without much time to delay, do not be afraid of him, I know him very well as attached attorney to the bank he cannot disappoint you since he was recommended by the bank. Now I will going to the hospital to see my wife, as she is getting better than three days ago, but I have to wait to hear the conclusion between you and the lawyer. Meanwhile as soon as you send the fees to the lawyer, please tell him to send the documents to you for your perusal and also submit it to the bank on your behalf, because I want everything to get concluded today. I am on the net now because of this issue, so if there is any other thing you need to be clarify, please get back to me immediately. Await to hear from you immediately you finish with the lawyer. Remains yours sincerely brother, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Regarding the lawyer Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 10:49:49 Nkonye, I appreciate what you say about this lawyer fellow, but I have to say that I do not share your confidence in him. How can I pay the man a fee when he has not even confirmed to me exactly how much the fee is? And I must see details of his qualifications and experience, in order to satisfy myself that he is a suitable partner in this affair. Going by the lawyer's performance so far, I am not convinced that he is up to the job. If the man cannot even respond to a simple request via email, how can I trust him to carry out the job I am paying him to do? As soon as I receive a reply from the lawyer, answering the questions I have put to him, I will transfer the money across and get things moving. But not before. I am delighted to hear that your wife's condition is improving. Hopefully she is over the worst. Your car must have been very badly damaged in the accident too. I expect you will have to purchase a new one to replace it. If you want my advice, go for a car of quality, such as a Bentley or an Aston. Although perhaps, given the state of roads in your country, something such as a Range Rover might be more suitable. The peace and quiet I was enjoying in the absence of my good lady wife was shattered first thing this morning by the arrival of an unexpected house guest. Sir Keith Harris, an old friend of the family, popped in very briefly with his butler, Orville. They were taking a break from their long journey up to the Highland Games at Inverness, where Sir Keith is presenting the prizes at the annual caber-tossing competition. Sir Keith used to compete in the sport regularly in his younger days, and was generally regarded as one of the biggest tossers of his day. I tried the sport myself a couple of times, and I have fond memories of visiting Sir Keith's country house and engaging in friendly competitions on the lawn, to see which one of us could toss the furthest. Sir Keith would invariably win. He always said that it was all in the wrist action. I took tea with Sir Keith in the drawing room while Winton chatted to Orville in the kitchen. Winton told Orville about the flying lessons he has recently been taking, and Orville was apparently green with envy: Winton tells me that Orville has always wished he could fly, but is convinced that he can't. After a brief cup of tea, Sir Keith has now left, leaving Winton and I basking once again in the luxury of an empty house. Bliss. Part of this afternoon will be spent down by the River Gypping, where the annual village boat race is taking place. I am due to present the prize cup to the winning team. It is a shame that my dear lady wife cannot attend this year's race. We have a fine photograph in the study of Lady Murray presenting the cup last year, kissing the cox of the winning team. I will contact you as soon as I receive a satisfactory response from the lawyer. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE DISAPPOINTMENT Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 12:03:00 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I think you trust me as you partner since the very first day I contacted you for this particular transaction, but now I can no longer understand you by saying that you don't trust the lawyer recommended by my bank. Again, how do you think that any attorney you need his assistance can send you his qualifications simply because you want his to represent you on a job. I have told you to remove every atom of fear and doubt from your side that the lawyer must surely do the accurate job and have everything concluded on your behalf. In fact, to be frank with you, I am getting tired of this too much writing and exchanging of mails on a particular issue that suppose to solve at once. Now since you are afraid to settle with the lawyer, which mean that you did not trust me also in this business, but you are forget on that I am going to trust $18.5m in your account without any doubt or fear from my side. I think we better forget everything about this transaction, so you have to write to the bank and tell them to stop every further arrangement with your name as the beneficiary, that your brother will come for the claim with a new account as the new beneficiary. Secondly, you have to send me back the two documents I sent to you as soon as possible to enable me look for body else to assist me in this transaction without fear and doubt. This is the reason why I delay to send you that two documents but you were in a hurry to receive it from me, not knowing that you disappoint me at this stage. I so much thank you for all the disappointment you have giving me so far, knowing too well my condition and the situation of my wife who is lying in the hospital, but I believe that GOD almighty can not disappoint me also, he must surely maketh a way where there is no way. I still thank you once again for your disappointment. Remain yours sincerely brother, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Calm yourself, my friend Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 12:29:10 Nkonye, I am in receipt of your email. Its content surprised me. We are on the cusp on concluding this transaction successfully, and now you are saying that you are pulling out, simply because the damn lawyer won't answer his emails? Pull yourself together, my friend. This is ridiculous. For god's sake, we both need this money. We both need this transaction to succeed. We have come too far along this road to give up now. Your wife's life hangs on a knife edge, as does the condition of my roof. You appear to trust this lawyer. Well, as I trust you - and I do trust you, absolutely - your trust in the lawyer will be good enough for me. If you still want to continue with this transaction, please let me know by return and I will contact the lawyer again forthwith, and instruct him to put things in motion. I await your response, my friend. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: NOW I WILL STAND BY YOUR WORDS Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 13:03:59 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, You should understand that I do not mean to hurt your feelings, rather I want you to put yourself in my shoe, seeing the present predicaments am going through, do you want me to lose my dear wife? Because you did not trust the lawyer, it's unfair my friend. Now I believe that GOD knows the reason why are all these are happening to me, because I want to enjoy the fruit of my labour after all I have suffered to gathered all the informations about this money, which I have spent close to $100,000, and you are delaying it because of little money that is not up to $3,000, if you were me I know you can not be pleased with what is going on. I have told you earlier that I will remain faithful and sincere to you till this money get transferred to your country, that you should keep record of what ever you pay the attorney which you have all the right to deduct as soon as you have this fund transferred to your account, and you keep on prolonging issues. OK, last week you have a rain disaster in your area as you told me, and this week my wife got a fatal accident, can't you think about what is happening, that GOD really want us to get this money and solve all our problems in life at once. Because I believe that whenever good things are coming to your way, the Satan will try to bring temptation to hinder it, but I believe and stand by faith to let the devil know he is a great liar, because my GOD is greater than him and I must possess my possession by the special grace of GOD Almighty Amen! So do not have any fear go ahead and send the fee to the barrister, as I wait to hear the good news from you. Because of this issue I have delay to go and see my wife in the hospital. Remains yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Maybe god is not on our side? Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 14:57:12 Nkonye, Thank you for your email. I am glad that you have seen sense and wish to continue. Without this money, I fear that this winter's bad weather will spell the end for Hemlock Hall. However, all your talk of god in your last email got me thinking. We have both experienced catastrophes in the last week: my roof has leaked and your wife has had a fatal accident (which she has rather miraculously survived). Perhaps this means that god does not want us to claim this dead German's money as our own? Perhaps god thinks that we are doing wrong, claiming this man's money, which is not rightfully ours? Perhaps god is displeased with us? Perhaps god will send more disasters our way? I have to admit, I am somewhat concerned. I think I may consult Parson Snows on Sunday after church and see what he thinks. Incidentally, I have just had a call from Lady Murray. It appears that she is having a knockout time at Stuart Hall. She tells me that the otter hunt is going well. The only fly in the ointment is that she finds Sir Roger's Gamekeeper, Eddie, wearing. Anyway, I will contact the lawyer immediately and set the wheels in motion. I will keep you informed of developments. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Sangare Chambers Subject: I am ready to move forward Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 14:59:23 Sangare, Despite the discourtesy you have shown me by not replying to my emails and not answering my questions, I am now ready to move forward with this business concerning the dead German's funds. I would like to make it clear that I am only continuing this business with you as I find myself in a life or death situation. If things were not so urgent, I would drop you like a stone and find myself another lawyer. Anyway, let us put your inadequacies behind us and make a new start. Kindly remind me what I have to do to get this money to you. Do you accept money via the Guaranteed International Money Provision Service (GIMPS)? This would be easiest for me. I look forward to your prompt response. Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Still no word from the lawyer Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 16:29:58 Nkonye, I have just returned from the village, where I handed out the prize in the annual boat race. The blue team won this year, ending the red team's unbroken series of six wins in a row. Most impressive. I'm not a boating expert, but if you ask me, it's down to a combination of the blue team's training and the way they were guided by their cox. The red team was all over the place this year - completely uncoordinated. They seemed to completely ignore their cox all the way through the race, which I think was their undoing. I expected to have heard from the lawyer on my return, but despite my impressing on him the urgency of the situation, he has not been in touch. This is precisely why I was dissatisfied with the lawyer before. You mentioned that you knew the lawyer yourself. I appreciate that you cannot implicate yourself personally with this business, but could you possibly have a word with the chap in a more general way? You know - mention to him that you've heard people saying that some of his clients think he is a useless lazy duffer who spends his time playing with himself when he should be responding to urgent emails? A little pep talk like that might spur him into action. Let me know how you get on - I am champing at the bit here, raring to go. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: CALL THE LAWYER ON PHONE AND STOP SENDING HIM SERIES OF MAILS Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 18:03:27 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I have told you time without number that the only thing you have to do to please the lawyer is for you to call him on phone as soon as you the send the money to him, how do you expect him to be on the net like me who is a banker. And the reason why I keep on staying in the net is because of this particular transaction is my greatest concern. Before I contacted you in this transaction I prayed and fasted to seek directions from GOD almighty for his guidance to the successfulness of this transaction. Can you go to your holy Bible, read the book of JOB very well, you will see the stress and temptations he passed through, and today he is the father of all nation. So I believe that GOD is with us in this transaction. Stop asking the lawyer more questions and try to pay up the fees he needed from you so that he will get the requested documents. Make sure you send him the money first thing tomorrow morning so that he will arrange for the documents from the Federal High Court. I will be waiting to hear a reasonable and good development from you tomorrow morning as I be leaving my office now to see my wife in the hospital. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: I need information from the damn lawyer Sent: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 19:51:01 Nkonye, I am in receipt of your email. Frankly, I found it rather rude. I emailed the lawyer earlier this afternoon, asking him to remind me how best to get the money to him - I have accidentally deleted the email in which he gave me details, and without this information I cannot get the money to him. He has not responded. I have tried contacting the lawyer by telephone as you suggested, but was unable to get through. What is the point of the man having an email address if he refuses to respond to emails? Is the man being rude, or ignorant? Or both? The money is ready to be transferred to the lawyer. But I cannot transfer it until he sends me details of how to get it to him. If I do not hear from the lawyer tomorrow, I am tempted to give up on this entire transaction and look for some other way to make money. I do not want this to happen, and neither do you. But this lawyer is being no help whatsoever; in fact he is obstructing us. I repeat, I must hear from the lawyer tomorrow. I cannot move forward without the details he needs to send me. As things stand at the moment, I cannot do anything. Please do whatever you can to prod this fellow into action. I am getting sick and tired of dealing with the insubordinate clot. He is being no help in this matter whatsoever. Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO Sent: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 08:25:24 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, Please my brother, I don't want us to continue beating around the bush, as to repeating the same stage every blessed day. See what you have to do now, send this money with my name and write to the attorney that a friend of yours in his country will come and give him the money for the requested documents, then I will send elder sister of my wife to go to the attorney's office and pay the money to him immediately. So you send it with my name and also send the informations to me so that I will cash it and give it to my wife elder sister to go and pay the lawyer at once, because I believe this is the only solution to this issue since you was unable to reach the attorney through phone. Now you should understand that you are the person holding this transaction up till now, so you send it immediately and give me the informations so that I will go to Western Union and cash it immediately, because I want this money to be transferred at least tomorrow if the lawyer get the required documents from the High Court of Justice on your behalf. Await your urgent response. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: I shall send the money to you then Sent: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 09:04:26 Nkonye, Thank you for your email. At last, we are making some progress. I feel like I have been banging my head against a brick wall for the past few days, dealing with that slothful lawyer. I shall do as you suggest, and transfer the fee directly to you. What is the best way to do this? I would prefer to use the Guaranteed International Money Provision Service (GIMPS) - this would be easiest for me, and would mean that the money would be transferred directly into your bank account. Seeing as you work in a bank, I assume this will be acceptable to you? All I need from you is the name, account number and sort code of your personal bank account, and I will transfer the money via GIMPS directly into it. Please forward me this information by return, and I will travel into town later this morning and see to it. I will also contact that indolent lawyer as you suggest, and tell him that some woman will be calling round with his money. I had a call last night from an old friend, Sir Bob Carolgees. He is passing through Lincolnshire today and will be popping in for high tea this afternoon. It will be good to see him again - I have not seen the man for months. Unfortunately, he will be bringing his German-born butler, Spitzedog, with him. I cannot understand why he does not get himself another butler - I have never come across a more uncouth individual in all my life. Anyway, to business. I look forward to receiving your banking details so that I can forward you the money this morning. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Sangare Chambers Subject: I am getting the money to you another way Sent: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 09:19:52 Sangare, I am dismayed that you have not had the common courtesy to respond to any of my emails. I would not even expect this kind of rude behaviour from a common goatherd, never mind a lawyer. I advise you to buck your ideas up, my man, otherwise you may find yourself losing clients. Anyway, as it seems I am forced to use your services in this business, I have been in contact with a friend in the Ivory Coast and arranged to get the money to you via him. You can expect a woman to pop into your offices and deliver the money in the next day or so. I just hope that you show a bit more action once you have received the money, and actually do something other that sit on your bony arse all day, which as far as I can see is all you've been doing so far in this relationship. Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO HAVE IT DONE IMMEDIATELY Sent: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 10:48:28 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I received your mail and thank you so much for understanding me regarding the best way to follow up this transaction as quickly as possible. Now this what you have to do immediately, send the money to me through Western Union money transfer, instead of sending it through an account because it will take more time and days to clear through account. So if you send it through Western Union money transfer I will cash it immediately and give it to the lady as I told you to go and pay it to the lawyer immediately as to hasten up the transfer and also to save the life of my dear wife. Please you send it with my name together with the paying informations so that I will cash it immediately, use my full name and my house address 08 Bp Jibee Angree 11 Platue 08 Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire. Await urgent response. Remain yours sincerely, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: GIMPS Sent: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 12:02:33 Nkonye, Thank you for your email. I am delighted that we have found a way to work around the problems presented by the lawyer. You say that Western Union money transfer is the best way to get the money to you, as transferring the money between accounts takes a few days. However, GIMPS is an instant transfer, and is less expensive than Western Union. Using GIMPS, the money will be in your account instantly. You simply have to go to your bank (simple for you, seeing as you work in a bank), ask the cashier for a GIMPS form, complete the form using the information I will send to you, and the money is transferred instantly into your account. As well as being cheaper, this is also a more secure method of transfer than Western Union. I would much prefer to use GIMPS to transfer the money. Can I not persuade you? If so, please send me your account details as I requested in my last email. I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: WAIT URGENTLY Sent: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 12:48:58 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, Remember I told you earlier that I don't want anybody to know about my involvement in this transaction, and I will not want anybody in my bank to know that I receive money from your country, and this money is going to be transferred also to your country, my friend reason this with me. Forget how much is the cost to avoid any mistake at this final stage, you can as well send the money through Western Union and pay and forget about the cost as I told you several time to keep a record of what ever you spent so far. Now you have the money to send, are you trying to tell me that you can not afford to bear the cost of transferring the money through Western Union, it's unbelievable to me, if really you want assist me in this transaction I don't think we should keep on debating on this particular issue. Go ahead and send it through Western Union as to save my image in this transaction, as I assured you that as soon as I received the money and send it to the lawyer through my wife elder sister, the lawyer will proceed immediately for the documents on your behalf. Await to receive the informations of the money from you as soon as possible. Remain yours sincerely brother, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Of course, you are right Sent: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 14:24:21 Nkonye, Thank you for your email. Well, if you are sure you don't want to involve GIMPS in this transaction, then I shall indeed transfer the money to you via Western Union. It will cost me a little more, but the reward at the end of this transaction will make it worthwhile. Unfortunately, due to the delays introduced into this transaction by that worthless layabout of a lawyer, I shall now not be able to transfer the money until Monday morning. I cannot travel into town this afternoon, as Sir Bob Carolgees and Spitzedog are visiting, and Winton and I are in a bit of a tiswas getting things ready for them. Nor can I travel into town this weekend, as I am spending the weekend by the coast at my seaside retreat in Sellafield with Lady Murray, who returns from Stuart Hall this evening. However, please be assured that I will travel into town first thing on Monday morning and transfer the money to you via Western Union. I trust that your wife's doctors can wait for their bill until then, and that this will be acceptable. Please accept my sincerest apologies for this delay. If we had used a decent lawyer in the first place, such as the eminent Mr Welsby, I am sure we would have concluded things days ago. However, I give you my word that we will conclude things on Monday. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I WILL WAIT TILL MONDAY AS YOU PROMISED Sent: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 16:19:22 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, I thank you so much for your words regarding the assurance you have giving me that we must surely conclude every arrangement with the lawyer first thing Monday morning. I wish you a good stay with your visitor and also wish you and your family a happy weekend, as I have told the doctor to calm down that I will take care of the hospital bills as soon as possible. Await to hear from you as promised on Monday morning, please make sure you send me the informations of the money as soon as you make the transfer. Remain yours sincerely brother, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Monday it is, then Sent: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 18:12:47 Nkonye, Thank you for your email. I had a most pleasant afternoon with Sir Bob Carolgees. We chatted for a few hours, reminiscing over times we spent together at Eton. Ah, there's nothing like a bit of shared institutionalised brutality to bring two young men together. Winton unfortunately had a less pleasant afternoon, entertaining Spitzedog in the kitchens. He is still wiping down surfaces as we speak. Thank you for your kind wishes to me and my wife regarding the weekend. I hope you have a pleasant weekend too, and that your good lady wife continues to improve. I will be in touch first thing Monday morning, on our return from Sellafield. Trust me, we will get this transaction tied up completely on Monday. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: I have transferred the money Sent: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 10:05:38 Nkonye, I trust you had a pleasant weekend, and that your dear lady wife is continuing her miraculous recovery from her fatal accident. Lady Murray and I had an exceptionally pleasant weekend in Sellafield. We both enjoy getting away from it all at the seaside. We went beach-combing on Saturday, collecting shellfish to cook for our supper. Sellafield has a particularly rich abundance of shellfish on the seashore - for some reason, none of the locals bother collecting them. After an hour or so combing the rocks, we had harvested an exceptionally fine crop of unusually large cockles and mussels, which had a rather unique greenish tinge to them - it was probably a trick of the light, but they appeared to glow slightly in subdued light. They made a remarkably fine supper, washed down by a bottle of Chablis. Fresh food like this is so good for one's constitution - my wife and I positively radiated energy once we had eaten our fill. Unfortunately, we returned to Hemlock Hall last night to find that the area had experienced another bad storm on Saturday night, which caused severe damage to the roof over part of the west wing. Winton spent a large part of Saturday night running around with buckets, trying to catch the rain coming in through the roof. Anyway, back to business. As promised, I got up early and went straight into town this morning to arrange the money transfer. Winton and I were waiting outside my bank when it opened, and once I had withdrawn the money, we made our way directly to the local Western Union office. It appears that Saturday night's storms, which affected a large part of the east coast of England, have caused the Western Union computer network some problems too. The Western Union agent informed me that their main computer routing centre in Peterborough was struck by lightning during the storm, and they are experiencing computer network problems as a result. However, she assured me that this will not affect the money transfer I made. Here are the details you require to collect the money ($2,600): Sender's name: Lord Gilbert Arnold Algernon Ffarquhar Pomphrey Maurice Micklewhite Murray, Earl of Gypping Receiver's name: Nkonye Akubia Test question: Sir Keith Harris' butler? Answer: Orville Control number: 4286496488 Please let me know as soon as you have collected the money, then I will contact the lawyer and inform him that someone will be bringing the fee to him later today. I hope that the lawyer actually puts some effort into this transaction once he receives the money - the roof of Hemlock Hall now requires attention more urgently than ever. Incidentally, I was most surprised to see an old friend in the Western Union office - Lord Charles, and his butler Ray Alan. Lord Charles, who was so surprised to see me that his monocle fell out, was also making a money transfer. He was very secretive about the whole affair, but Winton managed to glance over his shoulder and ascertain that he too was transferring money to Africa - to a fellow in Nigeria, it appears. To tell you the truth, I wouldn't be surprised if it was all the butler's doing - Lord Charles is a very pliable chap, and I have always suspected that Ray Alan is the guiding hand in most of his Lordship's affairs. I have known Lord Charles for years, ever since we both appeared in an amateur theatre production during our time at Oxford. Although I have always found the man charming, I have to say that his performance on stage was rather wooden. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible, my dear chap. I am now off to survey the damage to the roof. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: PLEASE RECOMFIRM THE INFORMATIONS AGAIN Sent: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 11:09:50 +0000 Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping, Good morning, I received your email and the informations about the money you sent to me. I was at the Western Union office as soon as I got the informations to cash the money, but on my greatest surprise the lady in charge of the Western Union told me that there was no such name with any money in the Western Union. So it's very important you reconfirm the informations again so that I will cash it. Please do this immediately. Await urgently to receive it. Remain yours sincerely brother, Dr Nkonye Akubia From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: I apologise for the problem Sent: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 11:47:38 Nkonye, Thank you for your email. I am most dreadfully sorry that you have had problems accessing the money I transferred to you. As soon as I read your email, I got straight on the telephone and called my local Western Union office, and explained the problems you had experienced. The Western Union agent was most helpful. She investigated the problem and found the cause of the problem in a matter of minutes. She explained to me that it was due to the problems Western Union were having with their computer network following this weekend's storms. The details of my money transfer had "got stuck" somewhere down the line - hence your Western Union office could not access the details. The Western Union agent assured me that she has now resolved the issue, and that the money transfer has now gone through successfully. She apologised for the inconvenience, and asked me to pass on her apologies to you as well. So, if you return to your Western Union office, you will now find that the money transfer has gone through successfully. To be on the safe side, she also gave me a telephone number that your local Western Union agent should call if they still have problems with this transfer. This should not be necessary, but if your Western Union agent still encounters problems, please get them to call +44 (0)20 74088091 (this is a London number) and give full details of the money transfer, including your name and address. They should then be able to sort everything out. I had a rather scary moment this morning, my dear fellow. I am still recovering from the shock. I was in the gun room with Winton, cleaning and polishing my favourite 12 bore rifle in preparation for the annual swan shoot later this week. I was chatting away with Winton, who was using the time to wax my black motorcycle leathers and polish my purple motorcycle helmet. As Winton applied spit and polish to my purple helmet, buffing it up to a shine, I rubbed the shaft of my weapon vigorously. Imagine our surprise when my weapon went off in my hand and I shot both barrels into the wall! I did not know it was loaded. We were very lucky - had I been pointing my weapon in another direction, I could have shot my load over Winton's face, and that would have been terribly messy. Once more, please accept my apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you. I trust that you will be able to return to the Western Union office as soon as possible to collect the money. I am keen to get things moving as soon as possible. Please contact me once the money is in your possession. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping The telephone number given is that of the US Secret Service within the US Embassy in London. The US Secret Service is actively trying to stamp out advance fee fraud. From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: Have you collected the money yet, man? Sent: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 14:56:08 Nkonye, I am dismayed not to have received an email from you, informing me that you have collected the money I transferred to you. The sooner you get this money to the lawyer, the sooner we can get the dead German's riches transferred across to us. What is the situation over there? Please advise. On an unrelated matter, Winton and I have been outside for a while, trying to sort out a problem with the Aston Martin. We noticed on the way into town this morning that it was spluttering a bit, and was somewhat low on power. Winton is a dab hand at fixing problems on old cars, and after fiddling around with the old girl, he deduced that there was a problem with the fuel supply. According to Winton, the best course of action was to drain the fuel tank, flush it out, then refill it with a fresh supply of petrol. I summoned Titchmarsh, the gardener, and asked him to fetch an old length of hosepipe so that we could drain the tank. In no time at all, Titchmarsh reappeared, holding his hose in his hand. I watched in fascination as Winton got down on his knees, grasped Titchmarsh's hose firmly in both hands, and started to suck. Eventually, after a determined bout of sucking from Winton, the fluid started to flow. This came as something of a surprise to Winton, who unfortunately did not remove Tichmarsh's hose from his mouth quickly enough. He ended up getting a mouthful before directing the rest of the liquid spurting from the end of Titchmarsh's hose into a bucket. Winton is still outside right now, flushing out the fuel tank in preparation for re-filling it later today. I hope this solves the problem. Lady Murray's Bentley is going for a service this week; I cannot afford to send the Aston to the garage as well at the moment. On another unrelated matter, I received a call from an old friend, Sir Basil Brush, just a few moments ago. He is passing Hemlock Hall tomorrow and has asked if he can pop in for a spot of tea in the late morning. He will be bringing his new butler, whom he refers to as "Mr Derek" (Sir Basil is somewhat eccentric in the way in which he refers to his domestic staff). Mr Derek is apparently a replacement for Sir Basil's previous butler, Mr Roy. I am extremely fond of Sir Basil, but I haven't seen a lot of him lately. He is a devilishly amusing chap, and has a habit of finishing off his jokes by saying "BOOM BOOM", which has everyone falling about. You'd like him, I daresay. He's a sharp old chap, and as cunning as a fox. Get back to me as soon as you can with news about the money, there's a good man. I dislike being kept waiting around. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Dr Nkonye Akubia To: Gilbert Murray Subject: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH OF ALL THESE NONSENSE Sent: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 16:18:23 +0000 Please I beg your pardon, enough is enough of all these insult and rubbish you are telling me. You think you are smart enough to deceive me with $2,600. Please you better go back to the so-called Western Union you send the money and tell them to give you your money back, while you send back all the documents I have giving to you since we started this transaction. SEND ME THE FUND ON ORIGIN, WHY YOU HAVE THAT DEATH CERTIFICATE FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE I BELIEVE YOU WILL DIE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. So that is why I will leave the death certificate for your death. DO THIS IMMEDIATELY. From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: What on earth are you on about, my dear chap? Sent: Mon, 17 Nov 2003 16:59:02 Nkonye, I am in receipt of your rather astonishing email. Are you alright, my dear fellow? By the phrasing of your email, I can only assume that you are drunk. Perhaps your dear lady wife has taken a turn for the worse and you have turned to the bottle in desperation. Don't do it, my dear chap - it isn't the answer. Now kindly get yourself a strong black coffee, sober up, and let us return to this business. I don't appreciate having to try and decipher the ramblings of an incoherent fool, so snap back to your senses immediately. Have you forgotten what I was telling you last week about the importance of maintaining a stiff upper lip? Please clarify what is happening. Have you returned to the Western Union office and collected the money? Have you sent it on to the lawyer? And if not, why not? I must know what is going on. Now pull yourself together, put down the bottle, and let's have no more of this unfathomable babble. I look forward to a more measured, sensible response to this email. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Nkonye Akubia Subject: I shall move forward with Mr Abacha Sent: Tue, 18 Nov 2003 09:13:36 Nkonye, I am concerned that I have not heard anything from you since the email you sent yesterday, which was so incoherent that it was obviously written under the influence of alcohol. I do hope nothing untoward has happened to you, my dear fellow. But given your silence, Winton and I are fearing the worst. Perhaps, like your wife, you have suffered a fatal accident? Perhaps in your keenness to get to the Western Union office and get your hands on my money, you have been run over by a truck? Perhaps the Western Union office was struck by lightning while you were in there attempting to get your hands on my money, and you were burned to a crisp? Perhaps, in a mad, sweating frenzy of eagerness and greed, brought on by the thought of getting your hands on my money, you simply forgot to breathe, and suffocated to death right there in front of the cashier? I do hope that this is not the case. However, given your silence, I am afraid that I have no alternative but to cancel my Western Union money transfer and find some other way of raising the money to maintain the fabric of Hemlock Hall. As luck would have it, I have just received an email from a fellow called Abacha, who is proposing what sounds like a very lucrative deal. I have to say, my dear chap, this Abacha presents himself in a much more professional light than you do. So I think I shall move forward with Abacha's proposal. I must say that it has been a pleasure doing business with you, Nkonye, even if things didn't turn out quite as I would have hoped. Winton and I wish you all the best. And if, like your dear lady wife, you have suffered a fatal accident, we wish you the same miraculous recovery that your wife has enjoyed. Best regards, Lord Murray, Earl of Gypping Copyright 2003-2025 www.gilbertmurray.co.uk. All rights reserved. Copyright notice |
|
|
