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Gilbert Murray MP's Westminster Blog - New The Gypping in the Marsh Podcast - New The Gypping in the Marsh Village Website - New
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The FarmerIn which Gilbert is contacted by the manager of a Nigerian bank who is looking for someone to help him to steal $20 million from the account of a deceased customer, Mr James Herbert (no, not that James Herbert). Gilbert's farming business is on the rocks, so he is only too happy to help out. Cast of characters
From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Confidential Assignment Sent: Wed, 31 Aug 2005 13:48:12 +0000 MR BELLO MUHAMEED Reply To My Private Box: bellomuhameed@o2.pl ATTN: SIR/MADAM, I am MR BELLO MUHAMEED, Branch Manager with Bank of the North, Victoria Island Branch, Lagos, Nigeria. I have an urgent and very profitable business proposition for you that should be handled with extreme confidentiality. On January 6 1999 a foreign oil consultant and contractor with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), Mr James Herbert by name, made a numbered time fixed deposit for twelve calendar months valued at $20 million (twenty million United States dollars only) in my branch. Upon maturity I sent a routine notification in accordance with the bank policy to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his contract employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) that Mr James Herbert died from an automobile accident. On further investigation, we found out that he died without making a will and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless. I therefore made further investigations and discovered that Mr James Herbert did not declare any next of kin or relations in all his official documents including his bank deposit paperwork in my bank. This sum of $20 million has been carefully moved out of my bank to a security company in Europe for safekeeping. No one will ever come forward to claim it and according to Nigerian law, at the expiration of five years the money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian government if nobody applies to claim the fund. This prompted us to contact you. We will like to front you as the next of kin of our late client thereby making you the legal beneficiary of the sum of $20 million that is presently in a security company in Europe. I contacted you because it is against our code of ethics to own and operate foreign accounts and your assistance would be needed to claim the money in the security company in Europe. We have unanimously agreed that 25% of the entire sum would be for you if you agree to take part in this profitable transaction, 70% for me and two of my colleagues, while the remaining 5% would be used to pay back the expenses that may be incurred during the course of the transaction by both parties after the fund has been claimed as the next of kin. In the event that you are genuinely interested in the transaction, there are some information would be needed from you to commence the transaction: FULL NAME, CONTACT ADDRESS, PHONE AND FAX NUMBER to commence operation. The transaction is 100% risk free as all modalities has been perfected to ensure the hitch free success of the transaction. I await your urgent response. THANKS FOR CO-OPERATION, MR BELLO MUHAMEED From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: About this email you sent me the other week Sent: Fri, 09 Sep 2005 10:16:22 Dear Mr Muhameed, I've just read the email you sent me the other week. Sorry I've been so long in getting back to you but it's been really busy down here on the farm and we've been working all the hours God sends to bring in the wheat and the barley and the last of this year's potato crop. On top of that, one of my labourers went and put a plough through my telephone line, so I wouldn't have been able to get back to you before now even if I hadn't been so busy out in the fields. The damn phone's been out of action for a week now, and I can only reply to you now because one of my neighbours who's a bit of a clever dick has managed to sort me out with a jury-rigged internet connection through my satellite dish. Anyway, back to this email you sent me. That's an awful lot of money you're talking about. You read about things like this happening in books. Can it really be true? And what made you contact me about this? To be honest with you, what with all these EU regulations and quotas and whatnot, it's getting more and more difficult to make a profit in the farming game each year, so if you can provide me with some sort of proof that this is for real, I'm definitely interested. I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: SEND THE INFORMATION Sent: Sat, 10 Sep 2005 10:00:55 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail response. Well I am sorry about your experience as regards your telephone, I want you to know that I am a very friendly person and when it comes to business, I am serious and deliberate and I do not have time for niceties. This not a child's play, so if you are willing to assist in this transaction, I request that you forward to me FULL NAME, CONTACT ADDRESS, PHONE AND FAX NUMBER, BANKING DETAILS to enable me to commence operation. Once I receive this information, I will detail to the bank on your behalf as the next of kin to late James Herbert, I will present you in tentative application to be forwarded to the bank, that late James Herbert is your uncle, and you are making the claim on behalf of the family. Come to your question, I contacted you because the fund in question belongs to a foreign contractor, so there's no how I can present myself to receive such fund, except I front a foreigner for this purpose, and for the fact that I still work for the bank, I am not expected to own or operate a foreign bank account. Finally I will give you further details as the project unfolds, so I wait for the information urgently. Regards, Bello Muhameed From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: COMPLETE THIS FORM Sent: Sat, 10 Sep 2005 10:07:04 +0200 Dear Gilbert, It's better to complete this form rather than just sending information. This form will give you a picture of what will be forwarded to the bank, so complete and send it immediately. Regards, Bello Muhameed For us to file in for the claim of the fund, you are to re-type and send it back to me.
From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I KNOW YOU ARE BUSY, BUT RESPOND TO MY MAIL Sent: Mon, 12 Sep 2005 21:29:39 +0200 Dear Gilbert, How are you today sir? Am still waiting to hear from you as regards my proposition. Please complete the letter of claim sent to you to enable me to put up a tentative application on your behalf as the next of kin to late James Herbert. Regards, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: The Rats Sent: Tue, 13 Sep 2005 09:46:27 Dear Mr Muhameed, Thanks for all the emails you've sent me. Sorry I've not responded to them before now, but things have been hectic down on the farm. The rats got into my grain in the top barn and the little buggers have been gorging themselves silly on the stuff. I've been busy with my shotgun for the past few days blasting hell out of as many of the little buggers as I can find. I think I've got them all now, but it's hard to tell with rodents. Where there's one, there's a hundred, if you know what I mean. Anyway, before I fill in that form you sent me, if you remember, I asked you for some sort of proof that this business is for real. Don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds too good to be true, and before I go ahead I'd like to see some proof. It's not that I don't trust you, but I've never met you, and a man can't be too careful nowadays. So, do you have any documentation you can send me to prove that this James Herbert character has left all this money behind and that nobody else is entitled to it? I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: DOCUMENTS ATTACHED Sent: Tue, 13 Sep 2005 21:44:22 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail once again and your sincerity of purpose. I want you to know that I quite understand your situation and how you feel, so that it will not appear as if as I want to ram down your throat what you cannot swallow. Attached in this mail is a photocopy of my international passport for you to know whom you are dealing with and the death certificate of late James Herbert. As soon as I receive your information, I will secure a sworn affidavit on your behalf as the next of kin to late James Herbert. This information will enable me to process other relevant documents that will help us back up this claim. I want to assure you that this is a hitch free transaction. All modalities have been put in place and nobody's right will be violated either as a group or as an individual. So if you are ready let me know, because time is of essence in this transaction. Regards, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: The Fog Sent: Wed, 14 Sep 2005 11:55:52 Dear Mr Muhameed, Thanks for sending me a copy of your passport and that Mr Herbert's death certificate. I've always counted myself as a good judge of character, and I don't mind telling you that you look like someone who I can do business with. You've got an honest look in your eyes, Mr Muhameed, and I reckon that's important. I won't do business with someone I don't think I can trust. Never have done, never will do. You look alright to me. Glad to hear that you're not planning to ram anything down my throat that I wouldn't be able to swallow, too. To tell you the truth, I would have been a bit surprised if that's what you had been planning: in my experience, it's best not to mix business with pleasure. Anyway, rest assured that I'm not planning to ram anything down your throat either, Mr Muhameed: sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just not that way inclined when it comes to men. That kind of carry on is strictly between me and the wife, and what we get up to in the privacy of our own bedroom is nobody else's business. Tell me, are you a married man, Mr Muhameed? You must have a very understanding wife. Or perhaps she isn't aware of these inclinations of yours? I tell you what, it's been a struggle over the past few days to get the last of the potatoes in: the season's changing and the weather's taking a turn for the worse. You should have seen the fog this morning, creeping in over the marsh from the sea. Terrible thick, it was. I was out in the bottom field with one of my farmhands first thing this morning as the fog rolled in. He's a bit of a superstitious fella, and he doesn't like the fog one little bit. He came over all funny when it rolled in over the fields. Kept on pointing towards the sea and saying he could see things in the fog. Well I can tell you, Mr Muhameed, with him going on like that I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end. I told him to get a grip on himself, but then after a while I began to see things in the fog too. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but no, there was definitely something in the fog coming towards us: some dark mass, creeping across the ground. My farmhand started to get hysterical, gibbering all sorts of nonsense about what it might be, but I soon realised what it was coming towards us. It was more of them bloody rats, that's what it was, making their way towards my barns. Well, I wasted no time. I got out my shotgun and I blasted hell out of the little bastards. They're not going to get their teeth into my bloody grain again, that's for sure. Anyway, now that I know that you're a man I can trust, I'm happy to move forward with this business. So, what do we need to do next? Let me know. I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: COMPLETE THE LETTER OF CLAIM AND SEND IT BACK TO ME Sent: Wed, 14 Sep 2005 16:00:43 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail response, it's highly comprehensive and the whole storyline as regards your experience with rats and frogs truly amuse me. Am not a farmer anyway and I have never had experience of how farm work is like. I am truly sorry for the destruction the little bush animals are making you to go through. I have been married for ten years now to a lovely woman named Ruth. She is a medical doctor and I have two boys and a girl, that's a composition of a family of five. Thanks for the credit given to my look. I thank God, for God is beautiful. So to enable us move forward, I sent you a letter of claim. I want you to fill or retype the informations as contained in this letter of claim, to enable me put up a tentative application on your behalf as the beneficiary of the fund. Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: The Jonah Sent: Wed, 14 Sep 2005 17:04:01 Dear Mr Muhameed, Thanks for the email. So, you do have a wife, do you? And children too? Three of them, eh? I have to say that I'm a bit surprised, given what you told me in your last email. Still, I've heard of chaps of your stripe getting married to keep up appearances. No doubt having a little wife on your arm stops tongues wagging and keeps noses from poking into places you'd rather they weren't. But the children are a bit of a surprise. Still, you've done your duty to the wife, so fair play to you. I hope the experience wasn't too unpleasant for you. I expect you leave the wife in doing the knitting and looking after the kiddies while you go out visiting your male "friends". Well, as long as you're discreet about it, I suppose nobody gets hurt. Anyway, who am I to sit in moral judgement? Live and let live, that's what I say. Unless you're a bloody rat, that is. I've just got the one lad myself, Gilbert Jnr. He's a real chip off the old block. He's only nine but he can already hit a duck in flight at fifty paces. He's a good lad. Takes after his father, do you see? Right then, onto this letter thing. It looks mostly straightforward, but forms aren't really my thing and I've got a couple of questions. Firstly, why does the letter ask me for my address twice? Isn't once enough? Secondly, what's a "soft code"? Thirdly, it says "I will be grateful if my account is debited so as to enable my family offset our debt". For one thing, what debt? And for another thing, I don't want anybody to debit my account; I want them to credit it with this money you say James Herbert has left behind. I don't understand. Do get back to me with answers to my questions as soon as you can so that I can get the form back to you, won't you? I've got to go now. We've got two old friends, Jim Kelso and Ellie Shepherd coming for dinner tonight, and I've got to go out and shoot a couple of rabbits for the pot while the wife sorts out the vegetables. The weather's looking like there's a storm brewing, so I want to get out there and bag myself a couple of conies before the rain sets in. I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I WAIT THE LETTER OF CLAIM Sent: Wed, 14 Sep 2005 22:10:50 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail response. Please note that when I do business, I am deliberate and very serious, apart from the fact that I am a very friendly person, I do not have time for niceties. I am sorry if I am rude, I just want you to know that time is of essence in this transaction and I will not want this transaction to be buried before it's twilight. Now come to your question, the two addresses, one is the name and address of your company if any, the other address is the name and address of your bank. Soft code simply means swift code to your account. I hope this simply answers your question. Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: The Dark Sent: Thu, 15 Sep 2005 09:36:47 Dear Mr Muhameed, Thanks for your email. You've answered my first two questions - thank you very much - but you haven't answered my question about this bit on the letter of claim that says "I will be grateful if my account is debited so as to enable my family offset our debt". What's that all about? Like I said in my last email, I don't want the bank to debit any of my accounts; I want them to credit my account with the money that James Herbert fella left behind when he died. And what's all that stuff about "offsetting debt"? Like I told you, I'm not in debt - although if things carry on the way they're going with all these bloody EC rules and regulations and farming quotas, I soon will be - so why do you want to tell the bank that I am in debt? I'm sorry, Mr Muhameed, but I'm really confused about all this, and I can't let you send my details to the bank until we've got this sorted out and I know what's what. I'd suggest that instead of saying "I will be grateful if my account is debited so as to enable my family offset our debt" on the letter of claim, we strike this sentence out and replace it with the following one:
That seems to make a lot more sense to me. What do you reckon? On another matter, I have to say that I did find the tone of your last email a little on the rude side. I can appreciate that you're a serious fella, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't mean to say that we can't be civil to one another. I've always thought that a little bit of the personal touch oils the wheels of business. That's why I asked you about your family, do you see? The more we get to know each other, the more we can build trust and partnership between each other. Well that's what I think anyway. I'm off now with one of my men to clear out one of the old tied cottages on the other side of the farm. It's been empty now for years, ever since old Bert died, and I'm looking to get the place cleared out so that one of my new farmhands can move into it. We cleared the main rooms in the cottage last month, and we've just got the cellar left to sort out. The door seems to be jammed shut, so we might have to crowbar it open. Heaven only knows what we'll find in there when we get the cellar door open. Anyway, get back to me as soon as you can and let me know what we're going to do about that troubling sentence on the letter of claim. Once we've got that sorted out I'll send you the rest of my details and we can start to make some progress. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THE LETTER OF CLAIM Sent: Thu, 15 Sep 2005 11:36:30 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail response. I pray this mail will meet you and your family in good health. I want you to know that I am not a goatskin of wisdom, I don't know everything, on a daily basis I get to learn new things. I subscribe to the way and manner you have remodified the sentence. Please correct it as stated below to enable us to move forward:
I wait your response. Your humble friend, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: The Magic Cottage Sent: Thu, 15 Sep 2005 12:05:44 Dear Mr Muhameed (or can I call you "Bello"?), Thanks for your email. Glad to see we're of the same mind about that troublesome little sentence. I have to say, while I can appreciate that you're not a "goatskin of wisdom", I would have thought that being a bank manager, you'd have known the difference between debiting and crediting an account. Never mind, we all make mistakes. You're probably just excited at the prospect of us getting our hands on this James Herbert fella's money, like I am. I've retyped the letter of claim like you asked me to. Here it is:
So, is that it then? Is that all we have to do? Assuming you forward this letter to the bank today, how long do you reckon it'll be before the bank transfers the $20 million into my bank account? I had an interesting morning down at the cottage on the other end of the farm. The cellar door was jammed tight shut and it wouldn't budge even when I used a crowbar against it. I had to blast the door with my shotgun in the end to get into the cellar. Damn spooky place it was. Full of all sorts of junk. I don't mind that kind of thing, but the farmhand I had helping me out didn't like it at all. He kept on telling me he could feel some sort of presence down there. Mind you, he's the same bloke that got spooked by the rats in the fog the other day. He'd get spooked by anything if you ask me. I told him to pull himself together and get that damn cellar cleared, then left him to it. I need to get the cottage ready as soon as possible so that my new farmhand Mike and his lady friend Midge can move in. It's a magical place down there. It'll be lovely when we get it all cleared out and give it a fresh coat of paint. Anyway, do get back to me as soon as there are any developments, won't you? I can't tell you how excited I'm getting at the prospect of all this money that's coming my way. I was flicking through some new tractor brochures last night, and I think I've seen just the one I want. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I WILL FORWARD THE INFORMATION AS SOON AS I RECEIVE YOUR TELEPHONE Sent: Thu, 15 Sep 2005 16:50:21 +0200 Dear Gilbert, This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail and the information therein. I am incredibly happy that you acted promptly by sending this information, I am rest assured of your devotion, it goes to show that in this valiant man comes the test case for genuineness of your oft-vaunted commitment toward this project. I assure you that having received this information I will treat it with the seriousness it deserves so that at the end of the day new friendship and enduring relationship will be fostered. I will forward the information to the head office of the bank, but meanwhile I will process the necessary document that is required to enable us to move the fund and the necessary foreign exchange that is required and this will be done within the parameter of administrative procedure, so I assume that the project will be completed in record time, but let's say ten working days. I assure you that all modality have been put in place and nobody's right will be threatened or violated as long as this project is concerned, either as an individual or they represent a group. Please note that the application will be forwarded to our head office, specifically to the office of the managing director. I will not present myself physically as regard this transaction, because the bank will be communicating with you in respect to your late uncle's fund. I will be responsible for providing all the necessary documents to back up this claim, so what I am saying invariably is that you will be contacted by our head office. Please when contacted do not mention my name or that you have any relationship with me. Just defend the claim. I will be fielding you with information. Mentioning my name will question my interest and the integrity of the claim. Please treat this transaction with utmost confidentiality and this is my telephone/fax number at the office - 234-92720251 - but I will prefer if communication as regards this transaction is done via email. Finally send me your telephone number, because the bank will communicate with you through phone. I will like you to forward it along with the letter of claim. Your humble friend, Bello Muhameed From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: APPLICATION FORWARDED Sent: Fri, 16 Sep 2005 10:33:50 +0200 Dear Gilbert, I hope this mail finds you in good health. I am having a deep seated thought as regards what kind of investment will be viable for me to go into in United Kingdom as soon as this fund is wired into your nominated bank account. I am also looking up to you in this angle, because you seem to command the very pulse of my heart on this issue. Please, I will like to hear your input as regards this, because I am acknowledging the possibility of relocating myself and my family to your country once this transfer is done. Meanwhile be informed that I forwarded a tentative application on your behalf this morning as the beneficiary of the fund ($20 million) as the next kin to late James Herbert, and like I mentioned in my last mail, it's important that you send my your telephone/fax line, because they will be corresponding with you through this process. Stay healthy while I await your response. Your humble friend, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Sepulchre Sent: Fri, 16 Sep 2005 10:31:39 Dear Bello, Thanks for the emails. It's good to hear that you're going to treat the information I sent you with the seriousness it deserves. You can rest assured that I'll treat any information you send me with the seriousness it deserves too. Thanks for forwarding my application to the bank. So, you're thinking about coming over to this country when this transaction's all wrapped up, are you? Tell you what, Bello, I was thinking that we ought to arrange to meet up when this transaction's all over and done with. Thanks to you, we'll both be rich beyond our wildest dreams. I reckon that's worth celebrating with a bottle of champagne or two, don't you? It'd be an honour to meet you, my friend. I'm looking forward to shaking you by the hand. You reckon this thing will be over and done with in about ten working days? That's good to hear. I'd better tell you now that I'm going away for a week's holiday in a fortnight's time. Maybe - if we're lucky and there are no hitches - everything will be done and dusted by then. Now then, you wanted my telephone number. It's 01927 58367. However, there's a bit of a problem there: the phone company still hasn't fixed my line ever since my farmhand put that plough through it. As a matter of fact, I've got embroiled in a bit of a dispute over whose responsibility it is to pay for the line to be repaired: the phone company's saying that it's my fault, but I reckon they should pay for it. So God knows when I'll get the line repaired. Tell me, who do you reckon ought to pay for it? Anyway, given that my phone's still out of action, do you reckon this fella from the bank will be able to contact me by email instead? I do hope so, otherwise we're going to have to wait until my line's repaired, and that could take a while. Let me know. I'm off out for a morning's shooting now: one of my farmhands reckons that a load of swans flew in last night and have landed on the River Scrote. I'm taking Gilbert Jnr out so that he can work on improving his aim. They make damn fine targets, swans: even better than badgers. Oh, I'd better tell you that I won't be around this weekend. I'm going to a game fair that's being held over in Staffordshire. I'm taking the wife and we're going to make a weekend of it. Stay in a nice hotel, go out for a good meal, that sort of thing. I want to see if I can find myself a new shotgun. The action on this one's getting a bit lazy, and I fancy something a bit more powerful. Tell me, are you a shooting man, Bello? Get back to me as soon as you can and let me know whether you reckon this fella at the bank will be able to get in touch with me by email, won't you? Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You mentioned investments. To tell you the truth, I don't know an awful lot about things like that, but I'll keep my ear to the ground and let you know if I hear of any lucrative investment opportunities. From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Once Sent: Fri, 16 Sep 2005 17:25:37 Dear Bello, I've just got back after a good day's shooting with Gilbert Jnr. We managed to bag eleven swans between us. That'll keep the wife busy in the kitchen for a while. Anyway, I thought I'd better email you to let you know that I've been contacted by some fella at your bank: a chap by the name of Joseph Sanusi. I expect you know him. Now then, he says he works for the Central Bank of Nigeria. I know that's not the same name as the bank that you work for, but I figured that he must be the fella you were on about because he's talking about some load of money that had been left in a dormant bank account. He's asked me to resend my details so that he can move things forward with some lawyer. I have to say, I'm impressed with the speed this transaction's moving at: you only forwarded my information to the bank yesterday and they've got in touch with me already. This is splendid. Don't worry by the way, I won't mention your name to this Sanusi fella. I'll keep it all hush-hush. Well, have a good weekend. I'll get back to you on Monday and let you know how things are progressing with Sanusi. Best regards, Gilbert Murray In actual fact, Gilbert was not contacted by anyone called Joseph Sanusi; this was just a ruse to make Mr Muhameed believe that another scammer was muscling in on his victim. From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THIS IS MY UPDATE Sent: Mon, 19 Sep 2005 17:56:30 +0200 Dear Gilbert, How are you together with your family? I am hoping that you had a wonderful weekend. This mail is urgently meant to intimate you on how far I have gone in respect to this transfer. What I did today was to go to the federal high court to secure an affidavit on your behalf as the next of kin to late James Herbert. This document will be obtained tomorrow, it will help us or enhance the profiling of this fund. As soon as I receive the document from the federal high court tomorrow, I will send you a scan copy of this document before forwarding it to the bank. Please I wait your response and I am still desperately in need of your telephone. Your humble friend, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Others Sent: Tue, 20 Sep 2005 09:21:27 Dear Bello, Thanks for the email. Good to hear from you. The weekend went very well. Thanks for asking. The wife and I had a marvellous time at the game fair. Not only did I manage to get myself a new shotgun, I also managed to pick up a new rifle for Gilbert Jnr, at a knockdown price. The wildlife of Gypping in the Marsh had better watch out for itself now, I can tell you! It's good to hear that you've been busy at the high court, doing whatever it is that you have to do, but I have to tell you that I'm starting to get a bit confused here. This fella of yours at the bank who contacted me - Joseph Sanusi - seems to be working at cross purposes to you. He hasn't mentioned anything about us needing an affidavit from the high court or anything like that. He's told me that what we need to do to move forward is for me to send his lawyer, Nicholas Dismas, a couple of thousand pounds so that he can draw up some legal document. I'm planning to go off into town and transfer the money first thing on Thursday morning as it happens. I'll tell you what, Bello, things have been a bit confusing all round with this chap Sanusi. When he first contacted me we seemed to be talking at cross purposes all the time. I actually wondered at first if he knew what the hell he was talking about: when he first got in touch with me, he seemed to be talking about some other dead person's bank account, not James Herbert's. Anyway, we've managed to get things straightened out now after that initial bit of confusion, and I've been very careful not to mention your name to him, so don't you worry about a thing. So, you're going to get this affidavit from the high court and send me a copy some time today, and I'm going to send Sanusi's lawyer 2,000 on Thursday morning. It sounds like things are moving along nicely. I look forward to receiving a copy of the affidavit from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: DON'T PAY ANYBODY Sent: Tue, 20 Sep 2005 20:23:46 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail response, I am happy to hear from you and that you had a wonderful time. I have warned you to disregard any involving yourself with Joseph Sanusi or any such person as Nicholas Dismas. These are wrong person to deal with, and don't make any payment to anybody. We do not have any business with them. I have already told my lawyer to draw up a memorandum of understanding between myself and yourself, so you don't have to pay anybody. I told you in my last mail to disregard your dealing with this people. I want you to send me whatever was sent to you. I am already doing the spending as regards this project, so don't pay anybody. I will endeavour to send a scan copy of the affidavit I obtain on your behalf. Sanusi is a cheap thief and you need not to be confused about this transaction. Stop contacting him. It's important and please don't pay anybody. I don't understand your person. I told you to stop communicating with somebody and you are now telling me that you are arranging a payment for 2,000 to pay on Thursday. I have told you don't make any payment and there are no other people as indicated in your last mail. I wait your response, Bello Muhameed From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: MY LAST WARNING Sent: Tue, 20 Sep 2005 20:44:29 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Once again, as a result of this recent development, I have asked Barrister Charles Mukolu, the attorney that is preparing the necessary document on your behalf to contact you, so I advise that you stop communicating with Sanusi or anybody. Barrister Charles' informations: CHARLES MUKOLU & ASSOCIATE I have already told him to contact you, so don't pay anybody. Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Portent Sent: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 09:43:44 Dear Bello, I don't mind telling you, I'm confused. What do you mean, "Sanusi is a cheap thief"? You told me that I'd be contacted by some fella at the bank, and sure enough, Sanusi got in contact with me soon afterwards. I told you last Friday that he'd contacted me. If there's something dodgy about him, why are you only telling me about it now? You said in your last email that you told me to stop contacting Sanusi. I haven't received any emails from you telling me to stop contacting Sanusi until this morning. If you've got doubts about Sanusi, why didn't you raise them earlier? I just don't understand. Granted, there was a bit of confusion when Sanusi first contacted me, but that's all sorted out now and things are moving forward nicely. Or at least they seemed to be. And now you're telling me that Sanusi and Dismas have got nothing to do with this transaction! Well that's not what they're telling me. What you're telling me and what Sanusi is telling me doesn't add up, Mr Muhameed. I don't understand, I really don't. You told me someone from the bank would contact me. Sanusi contacted me. Now you're telling me that Sanusi has nothing to do with this transaction. Why? And if that's the case, why hasn't anyone else from the bank contacted me? Sanusi has told me that everything will be sorted out a couple of days after I send Dismas the 2,000. Now you're telling me not to send Dismas the 2,000. If I don't send Dismas the 2,000, how are we going to get the money transferred? And who is this Mukolu fella you're talking about? Does he work for the bank? Is he one of Sanusi's employees? I'm confused, my friend, really I am. Please, Bello, can you explain precisely what is going on here? I'm a farmer. I understand farming matters. I don't understand financial matters. If I'd have known that the world of international banking and finance was going to turn out to be this complicated, I never would have got involved in this. Please get back to me and advise me what to do. I'm sending an email to your chap at the bank Sanusi as well, asking him to make things clear. I'm confused, and my head hurts. I'm off to shoot something small and furry. That'll take my mind off things and help me to clear my head. Please get back to me as soon as you can. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Charles Mukolu To: Gilbert Murray Subject: BARRISTER FROM BELLO MUHAMEED Sent: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 04:49:48 -0400 (EDT) CHARLES MUKOLU & ASSOCIATE ATTN: GILBERT MURRAY, I am writing to confirm to you that mandated was given to me for a transaction involving you and my client Mr Bello Muhameed in respect of your late uncle's fund, late James Herbert. Please, due to the nature of this transaction and recent development there must be a privacy and strict confidentiality to enable us a smooth collaborations. Be informed that the necessary document as regards the re-profiling of this transaction have been forwarded to the Bank of the North. A copy of the sworn affidavit was obtained at the federal high court. It was forwarded yesterday where your late uncle's fund is being processed. I will forward the copy of this document to Mr Bello Muhameed to enable him to forward it to you. I also instructed the bank to contact you via email since you are yet to provide them with your telephone/fax line. Note that as soon as you hear from the Bank of the North, you should follow the directive of the bank to ensure that you receive your fund and always give me details of your outcome of discussion with the bank. In case they forward anything to you, let me know so that I can tell you what to do. I will try before the close of business today to forward the power of attorney to the bank so that they can release your fund immediately. I was informed by Mr Bello Muhameed yesterday that one Joseph Sanusi contacted you and from my investgation, I want you to know that I was at our apex bank (CBN) last week to process foreign exchange allocation on your behalf as your late uncle's fund. I am sure that somebody must have been aware of your payment vis-a-vis your documentation I presented in the course of processing the document and this same person is parading himself as Joseph Sanusi and he want to extort money from you. He must be parading himself as the Governor of Central Bank. This is serious impersonation and I want you to know and make proper verification, the Governor of Central Bank currently is Charles Soludo. I do hope you understand my point and should you need further clarification on this matter do not hesitate to contact me, because your attorney, I am faced with the legal diligence to advise you and Mr Bello and to protect both parties interest all time. At your service, BARRISTER CHARLES From: Gilbert Murray To: Charles Mukolu; Cc: Bello Muhameed Subject: Fluke Sent: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 14:35:56 Dear Mr Mukolu, Thanks for your email. I have to say, I'm finding this whole affair very confusing. Mr Muhameed told me last week that I would be contacted by someone from the bank regarding the late James Herbert's fortune, and one of his banking associates, Mr Sanusi, contacted me soon afterwards. But now Mr Muhameed's claiming that Mr Sanusi is a thief and you seem to be implying that he's some sort of crook too. Mr Sanusi, on the other hand, has assured me that everything is fine and that I need to transfer 2,000 to his lawyer, Mr Dismas, in order to get James Herbert's money transferred into my bank account. I take it that Mr Dismas works in the same law firm as you do. Could I please ask you to sort things out with him so that I know what to do: Mr Sanusi is telling me to send his lawyer 2,000, but Mr Muhameed is telling me not to. But if I don't send Mr Dismas the money, how are we going to complete the transfer? I'd appreciate it if you and Mr Dismas could put your heads together and make sure that you're both singing from the same hymnbook and so that all we know where we stand. And there was me thinking that EU farm quotas were confusing. They're child's play to understand compared to this business. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I ATTACH THE AFFIDAVIT IN THIS MAIL Sent: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 15:11:08 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Below was the last mail I sent to you on Friday before you told me you were going for the weekend. I told you I don't know anybody by the name Sanusi and what I told you was that Alhaji Abubakar Rimi was going to contact you. I don't like people who do not take time to read my mail. I told you that Barrister Charles will contacting you in the mail I sent to you yesterday, to enable him make clarification as regards this recent development of someone having to contact you or you having to pay anybody money. Well if my bank has not contacted you, that means that they are still going through your file to ascertain the claim and all this required process, because international remittance and payment goes through procedure. I will not be held liable if you make payment to anybody, because I already warned you. Attached in this mail is a copy of the sworn affidavit prepared by Barrister Charles. I implore you to contact and work with him to enable us to achieve our desired goal. Regards, Bello Muhameed
From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Nobody True Sent: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 15:38:09 Mr Muhameed, Thanks for sending me a copy of the email that you claim to have sent me on Friday. Let me tell you, my good man, I did not receive that email from you on Friday. Are you sure you sent it to the right person? Let me also tell you, my good man, that I do not appreciate you telling me that "I don't like people who do not take time to read my mail". This strikes me as rude. I make sure that I read every email I get from you with the greatest care and attention. What also strikes me as rude is you telling me that my commitment to this project is "a mile wide and inch thick". What precisely do you mean by that? I would thank you not to question my commitment to this project. My visit to the game fair this weekend was a prior engagement that I could not get out of - as is, incidentally, the week long holiday I am taking on Saturday 1st October. If you are expecting me to cancel my holiday and disappoint my wife, you have another thing coming. You wouldn't want me to make her angry. Trust me, you wouldn't like her when she's angry. I think you owe me an apology for such downright rudeness, Mr Muhameed. I've never been so insulted in all my life. That is no way to talk to a business partner. Right, now that's out of the way, let me get this straight once and for all. Are you telling me that this fella Sanusi doesn't work for your bank, and that he is in fact some kind of fraudster? Is that it? Does this mean that we will still be able to continue this transaction even if I don't send Mr Dismas the 2,000 tomorrow? And what about this Mukolu chap who contacted me earlier? Can I trust him, or is he another one of Sanusi's crooked associates? Now to the affidavit you sent me. If you take a look at the file (I've attached it to this email) you will see that it appears to be corrupt. I can only read midway through the second paragraph under step 4: after that there's nothing there. Kindly resend me a copy of the affidavit that isn't corrupt by return. You can send it along with that apology you owe me. Gilbert Murray From: Charles Mukolu To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: FLUKE Sent: Wed, 21 Sep 2005 16:21:17 -0400 (EDT) CHARLES MUKOLU & ASSOCIATE ATTN: GILBERT MURRAY, My first mail to you was explicit enough. Sequel to your question, Mr Sanusi does not work in the bank. You don't need to transfer 2,000 to anybody because Mr Muhameed already pay for the profiling of the document. I issue right now an outright disclaimer on Mr Dismas, he does not work with my chamber and I want you to know that with or without these two questionable characters you will definitely get your late uncle's fund. I have already informed the Bank of the North about your nomination as the owner of the fund, so be on alert should in case they contact you. If you don't know what to tell them, just tell them to send you an email so that you can copy it to me to enable me to tell you what to reply to them so that we don't have any difficulty. I hope you understand my points? The secretary to Dr Abubakar promised me that they were going to get in touch with you before the close of business today. Yours in service, BARRISTER CHARLES MUKOLU From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: AM SORRY Sent: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 10:02:57 +0200 Dear Gilbert, I hope you are fine today. You are already aware that two people can only work together except they agree. So much impropriety in word and deed having been committed in this transaction and it's not suppose to be so. I am sorry if I was rude, but the truth of the matter is that my quiver of patience was fast running out string when in your response to my mail, you said I did not mention Sanusi. How could I know that you did not receive the mail I sent to you on Friday until you recently mentioned that the mail did not get to you. My remark as regards commitment, a mile wide and an inch thick, further buttresses what you said in your last mail, that you will be away for two weeks. That means a long time off this transaction. I thought that while you are away, you should find time to respond to my mail. That was why I made that statement and I imagine that it's uncontroversial that Gilbert Murray is in this transaction. I want you to know that you and your family are entitled to go on vacation, but try and respond to my mail. As regards Barrister Charles, I employed him to process the necessary document for this transaction. He is somebody to be trusted and I will contact him to resend the corrupt document I earlier sent. I think the problem was from the diskette. Regards, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: The Spear Sent: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 10:18:21 Dear Mr Muhameed, Thanks for your email, and for your apology. Consider it grudgingly accepted. Now then, it seems now as if you're the one who's not reading my emails properly: I'm only going away on holiday for one week, not for two. Just so that we're absolutely clear on my whereabouts over the next few weeks, I am going away on Saturday 1st October and I return the following weekend. No doubt I'll be very busy on the farm for a day or so when I get back, so taking that into account, I will therefore be able to recommence work on this transaction on Monday 10th October. Is that clear? Please note down these dates in your diary, and let us have no more confusion on this matter. As for that email you sent me last Friday which I never received, I think I may have worked out what happened to it. My email software automatically sorts out all junk emails (spam offering cheap pharmaceuticals, dodgy mortgages, penis enlargements, that kind of thing) and puts them automatically into a "bulk" folder. I always delete the emails in this folder without even looking at them. Well, quite by chance I decided to have a look in that folder today, and I found the email you sent me yesterday in there. It looks as if for some reason my email software considers your email to be spam. That could be why I didn't get the email you say you sent me on Friday. If I were you, I'd get myself a new email address. If your emails keep on getting shoved into my "bulk" folder along with all the other junk, there's a good chance I'll miss them. Right, have you got that? To sum up, you need to write down my holiday dates in your diary and get yourself a new email address. Now then, about this Joseph Sanusi character. Seeing as both you and Mr Mukolu insist that he's some kind of fraudster, I've emailed him and told him that he can shove his 2,000 where the sun doesn't shine. I also told him that if he ever shows his sorry arse around Gypping in the Marsh, he'll find himself staring down the barrels of my 12 bore shotgun. I told him that we don't like fraudsters around here. Someone conned the local butcher out of a few thousand pounds the other year - he was from somewhere around your neck of the woods, I think - and when the butcher found out that he'd been conned, he got together with a local inventor - the same chap who set up my satellite internet connection when my phone line went down - and they managed to track the fraudster down by hacking into his mobile phone records and tracing precisely where he made his calls from. People around here bear grudges for a long time - we're like elephants, we never forget - and the butcher was determined to get his revenge. After he'd tracked down this fraudster to somewhere in the Ivory Coast, he hopped on a plane and actually managed to get his hands on the chap who'd conned him out of his money. The butcher didn't manage to get his money back, but the fraudster got his come-uppance. The butcher wouldn't tell us exactly what had happened when he got back, but suffice to say that it sounds as if he put his meat cleaver to good use: he told us that it's very hard to make fraudulent phone calls and write fraudulent emails when you've got no fingers. Anyway, I told all this to that Sanusi fella, so I doubt he'll be bothering us again. I suppose I really ought to thank you, my friend: if it wasn't for your warnings about the chap, I would have lost 2,000 today. I owe you one. Now that Sanusi's out of the way, hopefully the rest of this transaction will run a lot more smoothly than it has done over the past week. I'm off now to deal with an infestation of bats in the lower barn. I'll check my emails later. Remember what I told you about getting yourself a new email address now, won't you? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Charles Mukolu; Cc: Bello Muhameed Subject: Creed Sent: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 10:31:30 Dear Mr Mukolu, Thanks for your email and for explaining about Sanusi and Dismas. No need to worry: these characters are now out of the picture. I've told them exactly where to go, and I don't think they'll be bothering us again. Now then, you mentioned to me the other day that you thought Sanusi might have got my details when you were sorting something out at the Central Bank. From now on, kindly be a bit more careful who you give my personal details to. I nearly lost 2,000 thanks to you blabbing details of my personal affairs all over the bloody bank. I expect a touch more discretion from a lawyer. Take note. On another matter, Mr Muhameed tells me that he asked you to draw up a memorandum of understanding between the two of us, and that he's also asked you to send me an uncorrupted version of the affidavit. Please send these documents to me by return so that I can peruse them. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: LET'S WORK TOGETHER Sent: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 12:31:50 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank for your mail. Let us work together and just be careful. I also want you to know that your travelling details is noted. I will be in touch and Barrister Charles already told me that you contacted him. Regards, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Moon Sent: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 12:05:02 Dear Bello, Thanks for your email. I think I've got those pesky bats sorted out. I blasted hell out of them. I reckon I killed most of them, and I doubt very much that those I didn't manage to get will want to roost in my barn again. Not now that I've blown so many bloody shotgun holes in the roof. Hmm. I didn't really think that one through very well... Anyway, I agree with what you say about working together and being careful. On the subject of being careful, I don't mind telling you that I'm a little bit dubious about this barrister you've put me in touch with. I reckon it's down to him shooting his mouth off down at the Central Bank last week that this Sanusi chap got hold of my details. Mr Mukolu virtually admitted as much to me in an email he sent to me yesterday. That's not the sort of behaviour I expect from a barrister. I very nearly lost 2,000 to that fraudster Sanusi, thanks to him and his big mouth. I was wondering Bello, do you think it would be worth me getting in touch with my own lawyer, Welsby, and seeing if he would be able to help us out in this business? If any legal issues crop up at this end, it might be useful to have him to hand to deal with them as soon as they arise, and - unlike Mr Mukolu - he's the soul of discretion. Welsby's a fine lawyer, and very well-respected in Lincolnshire legal circles. He also charges extremely reasonable fees. Welsby's got the sharpest legal brain I've ever come across. He proved invaluable the other year after an unfortunate incident involving a courting couple who had made a very poor choice of which one of my wheat fields to go canoodling in, and a combine harvester. It was a terrible business: we had to throw away half a ton of grain because of the mess. Welsby worked wonders in the ensuing court case. Not only did he manage to get all charges against me dropped, he also persuaded the judge to award me costs against the bereaved families. I can't recommend Welsby highly enough. Let me know if you'd like me to contact him, my dear fellow. I am sure he would be able to help us out in this business. Still no word from the bank, by the way. I'll let you know as soon as they get in touch with me. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Mary Stephens To: Gilbert Murray Subject: FROM BANK OF THE NORTH Sent: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 07:46:21 -0700 (PDT) ATTN: MR GILBERT MURRAY, I receive instruction from Dr Abubakar Rimi to communicate you on the subject matter attached to this mail. We decided to communicate you through your email, since you do not have your phone/fax number. Note that for proper clarification of claim, we request that this information should be forwarded. You are to send the requested information through my email or the fax number attached to the advice sent to you to enable me forward it to the director. Please acknowledge the receipt of this advice and kindly check the attachment in this message, while thanking you for your anticipated positive response. Sincerely, Mary Uche Stephens From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Shrine Sent: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 16:29:38 Dear Bello, I've just heard from the bank. Or at least I think I've just heard from the bank. To be perfectly honest, that business with Sanusi and Dismas has left me a bit paranoid, so I thought I'd better check with you first before I do anything. After all, who knows? The way Mr Mukolu has been broadcasting my personal details in a public place, I wouldn't be surprised if I was contacted by another fraudster who wants a piece of the action. What makes me doubly suspicious is that you told me that I was going to be contacted by someone called "Alhaji Abubakar Rimi", but instead I've been contacted by someone who calls themselves "Mary Uche Stephens", and who claims to be working for Mr Rimi. So, what do you reckon, Bello? Is this so-called "Mary Uche Stephens" for real, or is this just another despicable fraudster who's got wind of our good fortune thanks to Mr Mukolu's big mouth? Should I respond to her in a positive manner, or should I tell her in no uncertain terms to sling her hook? While we're on the subject of Mr Mukolu's big mouth, what do you reckon about my idea of getting my own lawyer, Welsby, involved instead? Let me know as soon as you can: Welsby's a busy man and if we want him to swing into action on our behalf I'll need to tell him straight away. I'm popping into the village tomorrow morning. I could pop my head around Welsby's door then if you like, and see if he's free. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: FORWARD THE INFORMATION TO ME Sent: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 20:34:23 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail response and informing me that the bank has contacted you. Could you please forward to me whatever was communicated to you? Barrister Lawson confirmed that Mary Stephens is the secretary to Dr Abubakar Rimi, so if you were contacted by these people, I emplore you to positively respond to the mail. With all due respect I don't think that we need any other lawyer. Please update me with whatever has been communicated from the bank. Regards, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: The Survivor Sent: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 09:36:37 Dear Bello, Thanks for the email. You reckon that Mary Stephens is Dr Rimi's secretary, do you? Here's what she wrote to me:
She also sent me a scanned copy of a letter which she claimed was from Dr Rimi. I've attached it to this email so that you can have a look at it. So Bello, presuming that this "Mary Uche Stephens" is who she claims to be, what should I do next? Please advise. Just to be on the safe side, I won't respond to her until I hear back from you: with such a large amount of money at stake, I want to make sure that I don't make any mistakes in my correspondence with the bank. On the subject of lawyers, who is this "Barrister Lawson" who you referred to in your last email? The lawyer we have been dealing with up to now - the one whose big flapping mouth nearly lost me 2,000 to that fraudster Sanusi - is Mr Mukolu, so who is "Barrister Lawson"? You said in your last email that you don't think we need to get any other lawyers involved. Why then have you involved another lawyer yourself? I have to tell you, my friend, I'm really not very happy with Mr Mukolu's performance in this matter so far. Quite apart from the fact that his careless indiscretions nearly cost me 2,000, I asked him yesterday to send me a copy of the memorandum of understanding you asked him to draw up, but I haven't heard a peep out of him. He hasn't sent me a decent copy of that affidavit either, come to think of it. This man is supposed to be working on our behalf, but he doesn't even respond to my emails. What kind of service is that? If you ask me, what the man needs is a good sharp kick in the seat of his shiny pants. If you insist on retaining his services, I reckon you should have a word with him and tell him to buck his ideas up sharpish. Either that, or I reckon we should show him the door and ask Welsby to sharpen his quill and swing into action on our behalf. Autumn's here now, and Gypping Marsh has come alive with the sounds of the hundreds of geese that have just arrived here after their long migratory flight down from the arctic circle. I'm going off into the marsh with Gilbert Jnr this morning to see how many of the noisy buggers we can shoot. Get back to me as soon as you can and let me know what I should do next, won't you? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: CONTACT THE BANK Sent: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 12:03:01 +0200 Dear Gilbert, How are you today? I received your mail. Barrister Lawson I mentioned earlier yesterday works in Charles Mukolu's chamber. He was the one that reconfirmed the information about the genuineness of Mary Stephens when I called the chamber yesterday. He is one of the lawyers that is working with Barrister Charles. Barrister Charles told me that the memorandum of understanding will be forwarded to you in due time, but he cannot lay his hand on the sworn affidavit, because the original document of the sworn affidavit is already with the Bank of the North. The bank requested to see the original document as per the sworn affidavit. He said that the bank will send you the original document of this claim by courier service as soon as the transfer is done and he will most likely then include the memorandum of understanding along with the hard copy to be sent to you from the Bank of the North for you to append your signature on the document before sending it back. I want you to know that there is no problem with Barrister Charles and be informed that he has other commitments too. I want you to urgently respond to the mail sent to you from Mary Stephens. You already have a copy of the death certificate forwarded to you earlier by me. Endeavour to send it to the bank as instructed. I await your urgent and positive response to the bank immediately. Your humble friend, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: '48 Sent: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 12:04:22 Dear Bello, Thanks for your email. I've just got back from a fine morning's shooting on the marsh. Gilbert Jnr and I managed to bag forty-eight geese between us in the space of an hour and a half. That's a personal record! We had a bit of a run in with some local conservationist idiot who tried to spoil our fun, but he soon shut up and slunk away once I pointed my gun at him. Bloody do-gooders. I ask you, what are birds for, if not for shooting? Now then, I understand what you said about the affidavit - although if you ask me, any barrister worth his salt would have taken a copy of the thing before sending the original to the bank - but I must insist that Mr Mukolu sends me a copy of the memorandum of understanding immediately. After all, the whole point of a memorandum of understanding is to describe an agreement between parties. There's no point him sending me a copy of it when this transaction's all done and dusted; I need to see it now, before the transaction goes ahead, so that I can see whether or not I'm happy with its terms before we proceed. Therefore, kindly get onto Mr Mukolu and instruct him to send me a copy of the memorandum of understanding before the close of the day. I've already asked him to do this, but the man doesn't seem to take the blindest bit of notice of what I say - which is one of the reasons why I'm so unhappy with his performance. Hopefully he will take more notice of you than he does of me. Once I've checked through the memorandum of understanding and I'm happy with it's terms, I'll get straight onto the bank and we can start to make some real progress here. I have to tell you Bello, I'm starting to get very annoyed with the way in which Mr Mukolu is delaying this transaction. Does he not understand that time is of the essence here? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: WHATEVER YOU DECIDE Sent: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 14:25:22 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail and patience. Presently the barrister is currently on his way to Abuja. He informed me that the son will be going back to college today. I will get him to send it to you by Monday. How do you receive a xerox copy of an agreement? Don't you think it's better to receive the original copy of this document, because if Barrister Charles have to send it by post for you to append your signature, I just feel it will take a while to send it by post. I will advise him to send you a scanned copy of this document on Monday when he comes back, but I advise that you still forward to the bank the required information to enable us to move forward, because you are also aware and you collaborated so much in your last mail that time is of essence in this transaction, so do this without attaching any condition, but if you insist, then we have got to wait. At this stage of the transaction, I do not want us quarrelling. We should avoid that will bring us back. Regards, Bello Muhameed From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Lair Sent: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 14:33:29 Dear Bello, Thanks for your email. You must try to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not trying to quarrel with you. I simply want to check out the text of this memorandum of understanding to make sure that I'm happy with the terms and conditions it lays down. Surely that's the whole purpose of drawing up a document such as this? There wouldn't be any point in drawing up the document in the first place if one of us doesn't get to see it and comment on its contents. I don't need to see the original document at this moment in time - I just need to see the text of the document - so a scanned copy will be fine for now. If I'm happy with the document - and I'm sure that I will be - Mr Mukolu can post the original document to me and I can sign it whenever it arrives. Therefore, please instruct Mr Mukolu to send me a scanned copy of the document by Monday without fail. I appreciate - and share - your concern over any further delays to this transaction. Therefore, I will do as you suggest and respond to the bank this afternoon. Presumably it will take them a little time to begin processing my application, and by that time Mr Mukolu should have been able to send me a copy of the memorandum of understanding. Have a good weekend, my friend. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Mary Stephens Subject: Domain Sent: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 14:46:39 Dear Ms Stephens, Thanks for your email and for forwarding on that letter from Dr Rimi. Please tell Dr Rimi that his condolences on the unfortunate death of my uncle, James Herbert, are much appreciated. However, I am pleased to report that as my uncle died back in 2003, my family and I have pretty much got over his death, and our focus is now very much on tidying up my late uncle's financial affairs. Dr Rimi asked for a copy of James Herbert's death certificate. I have attached a copy to this email. I trust this will suffice. I hope and trust that my lawyer, Mr Mukolu, is acting on my behalf in a satisfactory manner. Please let me know if you encounter any delays in your dealings with him and I will do all I can to move things along. Wishing you a pleasant weekend. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: IT'S OKAY Sent: Fri, 23 Sep 2005 20:33:10 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail, your knowledge and your wisdom to disposition to issue. I will instruct Barrister Charles on Monday to send you the copy of affidavit. Please I urge you to urgently get back to the bank as you promise doing. Stay healthy till Monday. Bello Muhameed From: Mary Stephens To: Gilbert Murray Subject: YOU WILL BE ADVISED ACCORDINGLY AS REGARDS YOUR PAYMENT Sent: Mon, 26 Sep 2005 00:35:35 -0700 (PDT) ATTN: MR GILBERT MURRAY, We acknowledge the receipt of your late uncle death certificate. Be informed that you will receive a final verification form for you to complete and send back after which you be advised accordingly. MARY STEPHENS From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Haunted Sent: Mon, 26 Sep 2005 09:42:56 Dear Bello, Thanks for the email. I trust you and your family had a good weekend and that you were suitably discreet if you gave in to any of those unnatural urges you were telling me about the other week. After all, you wouldn't want the wife to get all distressed now, would you? Anyway, enough of your inclinations. Good news. I heard back from Mary Stephens at the bank. Apparently she's going to send me a "final verification form" which I'm going to have to complete, and then by the sound of things we should be home and dry. Now then, when you speak to that barrister fella today, don't forget to remind him to send me a copy of the affidavit and the text of the memorandum of understanding he's drawn up. I need to agree the text of the memorandum of understanding with you before we move any further, and given the speed that things seem to be moving at the bank, there's no time to waste. I'm still haunted by the thought that I nearly lost 2,000 to that fella Sanusi the other week, but you'll be pleased to hear that I've not heard from any more of those damn fraudsters. Maybe Mr Mukolu has taken heed of what I said about broadcasting my private affairs in public and has managed to keep his big mouth shut for once. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: BARRISTER WILL SEND IT Sent: Mon, 26 Sep 2005 10:58:59 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail response and your commitment to this transaction. I am equally happy that you received cheering news from the bank. Don't you worry, Barrister Charles will unfailingly send you the memorandum of understanding. Finally please follow the directives of the bank to ensure that we receive this fund. Once again my regards to everyone around you. I remain your humble friend, Bello Muhameed From: Charles Mukolu To: Gilbert Murray Subject: AGREEMENT ATTACHED Sent: Mon, 26 Sep 2005 10:16:47 -0400 (EDT) CHARLES MUKOLU & ASSOCIATE ATTN: GILBERT MURRAY, Subsequent to my meeting with Mr Bello Muhameed this morning, attached in this mail is the copy of the draft agreement for your perusal. I will send you a copy of the sworn affidavit I earlier sent to you. Very sorry for the error, I loaded so much information on one diskette. This document is with the bank, however I have asked Mary Stephens that is the secretary to Dr Abubakar to rescan the document. I will be at the bank before the close of business today to get it sent to you. At your service, BARRISTER CHARLES MUKOLU From: Gilbert Murray To: Charles Mukolu; Cc: Bello Muhameed Subject: The Legend of Crickley Hall Sent: Mon, 26 Sep 2005 16:28:17 Dear Mr Mukolu, Thank you for sending me the text of the memorandum of understanding at last. I am just about to leave to visit an old friend for the evening at a neighbouring farm, Crickley Hall, to discuss a shooting party we are considering arranging. My friend is a renowned marksman and has gained quite a reputation for his aim. He's something of a local legend, in fact. I dream of having such impeccable aim myself one day. Oh well, we can't all excel at everything. You're rather good proof of that yourself, Mr Mukolu. I won't be returning until late this evening. However, I will peruse the document at my leisure tomorrow and get back to you with my comments. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THANKS FOR THE UPDATE Sent: Mon, 26 Sep 2005 20:42:31 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thank you for your mail response and your ideological commitment towards this project. I am happy that what we started some weeks ago will in the shortest possible time put a smile on our face. Please do not forget to keep me involved as soon as you hear from the bank. I do hope you had a nice game with your friend, Bello Muhameed From: Charles Mukolu To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THE BANK ALREADY CONTACTED YOU Sent: Tue, 27 Sep 2005 04:28:30 -0400 (EDT) CHARLES MUKOLU & ASSOCIATE ATTN: GILBERT, I was at the bank yesterday. Mary Stephens clearly stated that they will advise you as regards your late uncle fund. I am sure that you must have heard from the bank. I am yet to retrieve the sworn affidavit forwarded to them, however I told Mr Bello Muhameed that the bank will send the original document by post to you. Yours in service, Barrister Charles Mukolu From: Mary Stephens To: Gilbert Murray Subject: BANK OF THE NORTH Sent: Tue, 27 Sep 2005 02:28:57 -0700 (PDT) ATTENTION GILBERT A MURRAY, We have obtained the all the information and explanation required for purpose of remittance, which we considered necessary in order to provide us with sufficient evidence and hitch free transfer. Be informed that we conducted our verification/investigation as regards your late uncle fund in accordance with international remittance standard, evidence relevant to the amount and disclosure in the bank's record. We therefore draw to your notice detailed information of our correspondence bank in Holland for you to contact the director (Mr Perry Newton) to enable him release your fund. www.cfssnet.org COMPANY: Cosmopolitan Finance and Security Services EMAIL: perrynewton100@hotmail.com TEL: 31-642229128 FAX: 31-205248995 DIRECTOR: Mr Perry Newton Attached in this mail is a copy of the final verification form. Complete the appropriate column while the Office Use column should be left intact. A copy of the completed final verification form should be sent to Mr Newton and send down another copy to this office immediately. Once again congratulation. Regards, Mary Stephens ON BEHALF OF DR ABUBAKAR RIMI, MANAGING DIRECTOR, BANK OF THE NORTH From: Gilbert Murray To: Mary Stephens Subject: The Ghosts of Sleath Sent: Tue, 27 Sep 2005 11:03:11 Dear Ms Stephens, Thanks for sending me the final verification form. It's good to hear that things seem to have gone smoothly at your end. There are a few loose ends to tie up at my end. As soon as I've sorted out the remaining issues, I'll fill in your form and send copies to you and Mr Newton. If I have any questions about the form, I'll get back to you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Bello Muhameed Subject: Problems with the memorandum of understanding Sent: Tue, 27 Sep 2005 11:06:28 Dear Bello, I've spent most of this morning reading through that memorandum of understanding that Mr Mukolu sent to me yesterday, and I have to tell you that I'm not happy with it at all. I'm not quite sure where to start... perhaps the easiest thing for me to do is to list my objections point by point. Point 4 This states that we shall "utilize the subject funds by investing at least 50% of the funds in profitable business ventures...". This wasn't part of the initial agreement you outlined to me at the start; you were talking about a simple split of the funds. To quote from your initial email to me:
All this talk about investing 50% of the fund in "profitable business ventures" is news to me, and I'm not happy with it; I want my 25%, plain and simple, and I want to be able to do what I want with it. This point is unacceptable to me. Therefore, kindly instruct Mr Mukolu to strike it from the agreement. Point 5 If point 4 is deleted from the document, this invalidates point 5. Strike it. Point 6 All references to the funds mentioned in point 4 need to be deleted from point 6. On a more serious level, the percentages outlined in point 6 do not add up; 70% for you, 25% for me, 5% for charity and 5% for "other parties who have contributed to the success of the transaction" comes to 105%! This is plainly ridiculous. I assumed that a barrister such as Mr Mukolu would have a basic grasp of arithmetic. Obviously I am wrong in this assumption. Also, what's all this talk of some of the money going to charity? That wasn't part of the initial agreement at all. I don't want the money to go to charity; I want the money to go to me. I don't agree with charity, to tell you the truth; it's nothing but a load of handouts for shiftless scroungers, if you ask me. If people can't be bothered to work hard enough to earn a decent living, that's their lookout. I don't see why I should subsidise them. After all, nobody's ever given me a penny; everything I own, I own because of my own hard work and for no other reason (well, apart from the hundreds of acres of prime agricultural land I inherited from my father, but that's beside the point). Kindly instruct Mr Mukolu to strike all mention of charity from this agreement. I'll have none of it. Point 7 Point 7 is invalidated by the removal of point 4. Remove. Point 8 Point 8 refers to "patties". Round here, a patty is a small pie or pastry. What on earth does this point mean? Why do we need to refer to pies and pastries in the agreement? Or is this just a crass spelling mistake on Mr Mukolu's part? Point 9 I don't understand this point. Kindly ask Mr Mukolu to either reword it or to explain it to me. I'm not signing anything I don't understand. Point 10 Point 10 states that "any part or provision in this agreement may be altered or modified in future...", but it doesn't state how we are going to go about doing this. In my opinion, this agreement needs to state precisely what we need to do in order to modify the agreement. For example, if one of us wants to modify the agreement, will we have to obtain the consent of the other party first? I should think so. This needs to be made plain. Kindly instruct Mr Mukolu to reword this point to make it clear that mutual consent and agreement is required before any revisions are made in the future. Point 12 What is "injunctive relief"? Please ask Mr Mukolu to explain. The last sentence of this point does not make sense. Kindly ask Mr Mukolu to reword the point so that it does make sense. On top of all this, Mr Mukolu has spelled your name incorrectly - TWICE - in the agreement. How a trained barrister could make such a gross error as this on a legal document is beyond me. My own lawyer, Welsby, has impressed upon me in the past that a legal document that contains spelling errors is as much use as a chocolate ploughshare. How long has Mr Mukolu been practising law? In fact, are you absolutely sure that he is a trained barrister? Given the fact that his performance in this transaction so far has been nothing but a catalogue of cock-ups and given his appalling spelling, have you considered the possibility that he might in fact be a barista rather than a barrister? Why not ask the man to make you an espresso? If he makes a good one, I'd start to get worried. There is no way I can agree to sign this memorandum of understanding until the points I have raised above have been addressed. Please forward my objections to Mr Mukolu and instruct him to make the necessary changes immediately, and tell him to send me a copy of the revised agreement as soon as he has done so. You might also like to suggest that the man buys a dictionary. Given all of the problems in the document, it's a damn good job I asked you to send me a copy. Do you think Mr Mukolu will be able to get a revised document to me later today? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Bello Muhameed To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THIS IS MY STAND Sent: Wed, 28 Sep 2005 09:59:48 +0200 Dear Gilbert, Thanks for your mail. When there is need to praise someone's effort please let us try and do that, and when there is need to condemn one's effort let us equally do just that. I have since the inception or when I ventured into this transaction with you, I have tried to identify with every learning about you, bearing in mind that as a partner that is how it is supposed to be or the way it should be to enable us to move forward. I have watched the performance of Barrister Charles as a well known attorney, who has made a huge success in his chosen profession and also in this transaction. At least we should commend him. I say this because of your endless complaints about the way and manner he has been handling this transaction. I wish to inform you that even the legal institution in Nigeria bears the imprint of Barrister Charles as a lawyer of repute, so I want you to transcend the inhibiting pettiness you have over Barrister Charles. Since you are not satisfied with the detail of the agreement, I therefore suggest at this point to involve your own lawyer Welsby to draft the agreement and if you don't want any issue of investment in charity, I also recommend that Barrister Welsby gets all this detail struck off, and after preparing the agreement, have him send a copy of the agreement to me to enable me to sign the document. It will be OK with me. Please, you did not give me a further update as regards the bank. Let me know as soon as you hear from the bank. I remain your humble friend, Bello Muhameed Click here to view the next part of this scambust. Copyright 2003-2024 www.gilbertmurray.co.uk. All rights reserved. Copyright notice |
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