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The Gypping in the Marsh Village Website Gypping in the Marsh in Times Past
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Home - The Chronicles - The Football Club Manager The Football Club ManagerIn which Gilbert's football club is at the very bottom of the league and desperately needs some new players to regain its past form. As luck would have it, Gilbert has just been offered a lucrative business proposal that would provide him with enough money to buy the players he needs. No doubt this latest scammer will be over the moon when Gilbert responds to him. What a shame he's going to end up as sick as a parrot... Cast of characters
From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: URGENT EMAIL Sent: Wed, 11 Oct 2006 04:15:06 THE MANAGER Attn: Mr Gilbert Murray, I am Mr Johnson Philip the Manager of Bills and Exchange Unit of the Foreign Remittance Department of International Bank of Africa, Cotonou, Benin Republic. I am writing following the fact that our deceased customer shared the same surname with you and based on this fact, our search for our deceased customer's next of kin produced you as someone who could champion this course and help us pull this fund to a reliable foreign bank account for the benefit of us all. In my department, we discovered an abandoned sum of $5.5 million (five million, five hundred thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family in November 1998 in a plane crash. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guide lines and laws but unfortunately we learnt that his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him during the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and other officials in my department now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank's treasury as unclaimed. The banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after four years, the money will be transferred into the bank's treasury as unclaimed fund. The request for a foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and an indegine (sic) can not stand as next of kin to this family. We agreed that 30% of this money will be for you as foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account, 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60% would be for me and my colleagues. Thereafter I and my colleagues will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased with your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication. The money will be paid in draft to be cashed in any part of the world. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any form of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately. Yours faithfully, Mr Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Regarding the email you sent to me yesterday Sent: Thu, 12 Oct 2006 13:54:57 Dear Mr Philip, I have just read the somewhat confusing email that you sent to me yesterday. You didn't give the full name of this deceased customer of yours, but as far as I'm aware, nobody in my family died in a plane crash in 1998. I'm sure I would have heard about it if they had done. I'm sorry, Mr Philip, but I don't think I'm going to be able to help you out here; it's this dead customer's next of kin that you're looking for, and I'm pretty sure that I wasn't related to the man. Oh well, never mind. I'd like to wish you luck in tracing this man's next of kin. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: URGENT Sent: Thu, 12 Oct 2006 18:17:04 Dear Gilbert, Thanks so much for your mail and also your kind inquisitive to know much about the proposal. Well our late customer (MR PATRICK MURRAY) did not relate to you or any of your family but I only decided to contact you on the ground that you share the same surname with him, though we have earlier tried our possible best to locate his family members all to no avail. So, now I want you to stand as if you are the next of kin to Mr Patrick Murray so that the money will be paid to you in any bank of your choice. We will get a lawyer here who will work on your behalf to see that everything is successful, the procurement of all the necessary document will be done by the lawyer. So, understand my point, as soon as I get your reply I will brief you more on what next to do, OK? Regards, Mr Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Is this for real? Sent: Thu, 12 Oct 2006 19:18:33 Dear Mr Philip, Is this for real? Are you seriously telling me that even though I'm not related to your dead customer at all, I'll be able claim the money he's left behind as my own? How would that work? Surely there must be checks and balances and safeguards to make sure that you can't get away with that kind of thing? Surely I'd have to prove that I was this bloke's next of kin? And I couldn't do that, because I'm not. I can't say that the money wouldn't come in handy. I'm manager of the local football club, Gypping Rovers, and we're not doing all that well at the moment. In fact, we're currently languishing at the very bottom of the Padley's Frozen Chickens League, and you can't actually get any lower than that: there isn't a league below it that we could get relegated to. We desperately need an influx of cash so that we can buy some new players and start to turn things around. This proposal of yours would provide us with all the cash we need. But surely it can't be as easy as you make out? If it was, surely everyone would be doing it. If you can convince me that what you're suggesting is actually feasible, I might be interested. For example, do you have any documentation to back up what you're telling me? I have to tell you, Mr Philip, I'm sceptical... very sceptical. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I don't suppose you're a football fan yourself? From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: This is 100% real Sent: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 03:43:38 Dear Gilbert, You are very right to feel the way you are feeling now as opportunity like this are always very rare but at same time, you have my full assurance that this business is real, genuine and would be done legitimately under a laid platform on inheritance claim transfer. I would like you to send me your telephone where I can get you so we can discuss this over the phone and I am beginning to develop interest in your line of business as I have always dreamed of having a football academy outside the shores of my country and your experience in the soccer field would be highly beneficial to me on this venture. All the required documentation in this transaction would be made available to you at the appropriate time as this inheritance claim is very sensitive and I cannot afford to risk this opportunities as my future and that of my entire family are tied to the success of this inheritance claim and I believe you know how I mean. Send me your number and I call you OK after which I would present the formal application letter which you would send to the African bank. Expecting your reply. Philip John From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: We're not going to get into any trouble over this are we? Sent: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 12:05:11 Dear Mr Philip, Thank you for getting back to me. While I am happy to accept your assurance that this business proposal is genuine - after all, I have no reason to doubt your word - I have to admit that I'm a bit worried that we might get into trouble if we went ahead with what you're suggesting. It's all very well you saying that this business will be done legitimately, but surely what you're proposing is against the law? I mean, when all's said and done, I'm going to be pretending to be this dead guy's next of kin when in actual fact I'm not. If the authorities got wind of any of this, surely we could get into a lot of bother over it? I mean, surely what you're proposing is technically fraud? Have you put any thought into this, Mr Philip? After all, I've got my reputation to think of. What with all the recent publicity about football teams taking bungs, the FA would kick me out without a moment's hesitation if they found out I'd got myself involved with anything illegal. On the subject of football, it's encouraging to hear that you're a fan. Tell me, what team do you support? I'm sorry to report that this Saturday's match - against our local rivals, Wankbeck Wanderers - didn't go at all well. In fact we suffered our worst home defeat in the club's entire history: we went down 0-11 to Wankbeck Wanderers... and they're not exactly the best of teams themselves. This Saturday's performance just goes to show how badly we need investment. We're losing supporters hand over fist at the moment. If we go out like this, we'll soon be able to count our supporters on the fingers of one hand. Your proposal may be just the lifeline we need... but I'm worried about getting into hot water if the authorities find out what we've done. If you can reassure me that this won't happen, I'll feel a bit happier about moving forward. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Could you just clarify exactly what your name is? You've been calling yourself "Johnson Philip" up until today, but in your last email you signed yourself off as "Philip John". I'm confused. From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: We would actualise this transaction without any problem OK Sent: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 13:01:46 Dear Gilbert, Honestly, this is the best thing that would ever happen to our lives as far as this inheritance claim is concerned. I can assure you that there is no risk involve as my bank has long been expecting somebody to come forth as the next of kin for the release of the account proceed as the sum would be confiscated if after this year financial year the $5.5 million was not claimed and I am directly in charge of bills AND exchange which affords me the ample opportunities to schedule this inheritance claim for our benefit. You can be rest assured that your football club would have a lifeline with this money and this would rather seem as jackpot than a fraud as you are thinking. Automatically, all the legal documents to be processed from the court of law would bequeath to you the next of kin status and thus makes our claim legal. And for the fact that you have a similar last name, I promise you that we would have a smooth dealings with the bank for this transfer of this money into your personal account. Take my word and you should not worry on the legitimacy as I also have a reputations and integrity to protect and as such would not like to ruin my career after many years of my meritorious services to the banking sector. I would have to resign honourably so that I can still get all my benefits from my bank, so I am much more concern about our legitimacy much more than you think. I am a Chelsea fan on the English league and Inter Milan fan on Italian Series A but my job does not afford me more time to travel for matches. I need that trust as a sportsmanship to be inputted in this transaction. We would not take much time into this business as it would be concluded within a space of 7 to 10 working days OK. My full name is Johnson Philip but my close pals in the office do call me Philip John in a short form to John-son. But all the same, I need your total commitment so we can both actualise our dream of a success life and then have a football club of our dream. $5.5 million will for sure turn this idea around for us and we can go into partnership if you so desire too. Send me your full details so we can proceed:
This are the information required and you should send it upon your receipt of this email OK. Best regards, Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I will give this matter some serious consideration Sent: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 15:34:25 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for your email. Your words have gone some considerable way towards putting my mind at rest, but I don't mind admitting that I'm still not completely sure about all this. I will give this matter some serious consideration tonight and get back to you in the morning with a decision on whether or not I am prepared to move forward. I've got to nip out right now for a meeting with our groundsman. The fence on one side of the pitch has become so dilapidated that the neighbouring farmer's sheep keep straying through the fence and onto the pitch, and my groundsman isn't happy about having to clear up after them all the time. Given the current state of the club's finances there's no way we can afford to buy a new fence, so I'm going to see if there's any way we can patch up the existing fence to stop the sheep from coming over and shitting all over the pitch. The sheep situation partly explains why we lost so heavily this weekend against Wankbeck Wanderers: midway through the second half, one of our defenders slipped in a pile of sheep shit that the groundsman had missed and this allowed the Wankbeck striker to get past him and have a clear shot of the goal. It's a shit business... in more ways than one. Right, got to go. I'll get back to you in the morning with my decision. Have a good evening. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I've decided to accept your proposal Sent: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 08:51:03 Dear Mr Philip, Just a brief note to let you know that having considered your proposal long and hard, I've decided to accept it. I'd like to thank you for putting such a lucrative-sounding business offer my way. You're going to be the saviour of Gypping Rovers, do you know that? So, where do we go from here? What's next? Please get back to me as soon as you can with details of how we need to proceed. I'll be out for most of the day - in anticipation of the money that's going to be coming my way I've decided to go out scouting for new talent - but I'll check my emails at the end of the day. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You say you're a Chelsea fan. Did you hear about the controversy over their injured player this morning? Mourinho's version of events doesn't seem to tie in with the facts if you ask me. What's your opinion on the matter? From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Urgent reply needed Sent: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 22:16:43 Dear friend, Thanks you so much for your final acceptance to assist me in this business and it is indeed for the betterment of both of us. I am glad to read that you have commenced search for new talent to uplift your club and this inheritance fund would do a great deal on your club as a new lifeline would be injected to it. I have drafted a text of an application which we require to present to the African bank for the processing of the payment. Send to the bank email below: info@afdbonline.org. Please do email me back once you have contacted the bank. Can you send me your telephone number where I can speak with you, preferable your mobile number as you have gone to the field so I can get you any time. Johnson Philip
From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I can't send that to the bank! Sent: Thu, 19 Oct 2006 08:50:47 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for sending me the text of the application letter you want me to send to the bank. Unfortunately it's left me a bit confused, to say the least. Are you sure you sent me the right letter? I've read through it, and even my untrained eye has picked up a number of things that don't add up. First of all, you told me last week that your late client was called Patrick Murray. But this letter doesn't refer to Patrick Murray at all; it refers to two other people called Jacob Murray and Jacob Hayes. Who are Jacob Murray and Jacob Hayes? Did they die in plane crashes too? Are we claiming their money now, or are we still claiming Patrick Murray's money? Secondly, you told me last week that your late client died in a plane crash in November 1998. But this letter states that the $5.5 million wasn't deposited in the bank until 1999. How does that work out? Did Patrick Murray deposit the money posthumously? Thirdly, the letter states that "my client is now ready to receive this amount as the only surviving relatives/next of kin". But if I'm the one who's going to be sending and putting my name to this letter, it's not "my client" who is ready to receive the money; it's me. Fourthly, could you please advise me what I need to put against "routing number" and "checking number"? I know my bank account number and sort code, but I haven't got the first idea what these other numbers mean. I trust you can see why I'm so confused. And if I'm confused over this, I'll bet the bank would be even more confused when they received it. There's no way I can send this letter to the bank; it's riddled with errors. I reckon if I sent it to them they'd just rip it up and throw it away. You hadn't had a drink when you drafted it, had you? I like the odd drop of whisky myself every now and again, but there's a time and a place for everything, and when there's $5.5 million at stake, I reckon we both need to keep clear heads. So think on. I think you need to take another look at this letter and redraft it... and properly this time. Send me the redrafted letter as soon as you can, and as long as it's free of errors, I'll send it on to the bank. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Did you see the Chelsea game last night? They stuffed Barcelona good and proper, didn't they? That was an excellent goal by Drogba. Too bad Shevchenko's shot went wide in the 58th minute: they could have got another one. PPS. It was well worth me getting out there scouting for new talent yesterday. I've got my eye on a young Cornish lad who really impressed me with his control of the ball. He made the rest of my team look like rank amateurs by comparison. Which, of course, they are. From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I am sorry for the mistakes OK Sent: Thu, 19 Oct 2006 19:48:01 Dear Gilbert, I am very sorry for the mix up, the mistakes was made by my secretary whom I drafted the sample to type and mail to you. Please I do correct the mistakes as they are very costly one that can undermine our efforts OK. The account becomes operational since 1996 and that has been corrected also. You should just state your correct account details in the letter and note that Jacobs is my client middle name. I guess the Chelsea goal is fantastic and am sure we can get young talents for future stars once this money arrives in your account. Put more effort in your scouting exercise. Please send me your number. Regards, Johnson Philip
From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: The revised application letter Sent: Fri, 20 Oct 2006 08:54:22 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for sending through the revised text. So, all those errors were down to your secretary, were they? Had she been drinking on the job, or is she just plain incompetent? Your secretary's errors reflect badly on you and your bank, and you don't want that now, do you? A secretary who can't even type a simple letter without making a load of crass, simple mistakes that a six year old child would be ashamed of is about as much use as a chocolate goalpost. Take my advice, my friend: give her the push and get yourself a new secretary. And make sure you get one with an IQ that's greater than her dress size. Anyway, enough about your cretinous secretary. I've looked through the revised letter, and there are still a few problems with it. Firstly, it still refers to "my client" rather than to me directly, and secondly, it refers to Patrick Murray by his middle name (Jacob) rather than by his first name. I reckon this is bound to cause some confusion at the bank, and because there's so much money at stake, I want to make sure that we do things properly. With this in mind, I was wondering if I ought to get my lawyer - Welsby, of the legal firm Elton and Welsby - to cast his eyes over the letter and check the wording. Welsby's a fine lawyer, and very well-respected in Lincolnshire legal circles. I've been using his services for over ten years. Welsby's got the sharpest legal brain I've ever come across. He proved invaluable last year after an unfortunate incident involving a serious case of metal fatigue in the roof of the stadium's east stand and a coachload of away supporters. Welsby worked wonders in the ensuing court case. Not only did he manage to get all charges against the football club dropped, he also persuaded the judge to award us costs against the bereaved families. I can't recommend Welsby highly enough. Do you think I ought to contact him and see if he's willing to cast his eye over the letter before I send it off to the bank? I must go: there's a training session about to start in preparation for tomorrow's match against one of our local rivals, Great Fisting FC. I've invited that young Cornish lad I was telling you about to come along and have a bit of a kick around. I want to see him in action with some of the club's existing players to see how he gets on with them. If he's as impressive as he looked the other day I've got a good mind to offer him a contract. Do get back to me as soon as you can and let me know what you think about getting Welsby to look through the document before I send it off to the bank. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I'm just about to send the letter to the bank Sent: Mon, 23 Oct 2006 08:39:19 Dear Mr Philip, How are you, my friend? I'm surprised not to have heard back from you after that email I sent you on Friday. You're not ill, are you? Or perhaps you went away for the weekend? Anyway, seeing as you didn't get back to me I popped into my lawyer's office on Saturday morning. Unfortunately it turns out that Welsby is on holiday for the next few weeks, so I couldn't ask him to cast his eyes over the letter you want me to send to the bank. I'll just have to send it as it is and hope that they don't ask too many awkward questions. I'm sorry to report that the match against Great Fisting FC didn't go at all well on Saturday. They stuffed us good and proper. I was as sick as a parrot. However, on a brighter note, I've decided to offer that young Cornish lad a contract. I think he'll do wonders for the team. I just hope we manage to complete this transaction before his first wages are due, because as things stand at the moment I can't afford to pay the lad. Not that I've told him that, of course; he probably wouldn't sign for us if he knew the state of our finances. Right then, I'll get that letter off to the bank straight away. I'll get back to you as soon as I hear from them. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: African Development Bank PLC Subject: APPLICATION FOR RELEASE OF $5,500,000.00 Sent: Mon, 23 Oct 2006 08:56:21 THE DIRECTOR DEAR SIR, APPLICATION FOR RELEASE OF $5,500,000.00 BELONGING TO MY LATE CLIENT, MR ENGR JACOB MURRAY NEXT OF KIN AS ATTACHED. We refer to your letter of notice as dated 1st August 2006 and article 12(ii) & (iii) & (iv). Cap 2, of Inheritance Claim regulations. Therefore, I have the liberty to submit to you, our application for payment of an outstanding sum of $5,500,000.00 (5.5 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) being the amount deposited by Engr Jacob Murray of STE ARIS TRADING COMPANY SARL account with African Development Bank in 1996. Mr Engr Jacob Murray died in a plane crash and my client is now ready to receive this amount as the only surviving relatives/next of kin to Mr Engr Jacob Murray. In the light of the above, I herein state the details of the beneficiary/next of kin to this inheritance for the immediate release/transfer of the said sum to the person hereunder presented.
My banking details is hereby given below as:
Sir, I will appreciate it greatly if my application is given a favourable consideration, as this will enable me to meet up with their financial requirements. Thanking you in anticipation of your maximum co-operation. Yours faithfully, Gilbert Murray From: Tony Agana Idris To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: APPLICATION FOR RELEASE OF $5,500,000.00 Sent: Wed 25 Oct 2006 12:34:45 African Development Bank Group "Building today, a better Africa tomorrow" info@afdbonline.org, afdb_payment_unit@yahoo.fr TELEX TRANSFER UNIT Gilbert Arnold Murray Re: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF YOUR INHERITANCE APPLICATION This is to acknowledge the receipt of your inheritance application letter to this office. The African Development Bank has commenced with the verification/scrutinisation of your formal application of claim which you sent to this department. You are hereby required to present to this office (4) vital documents that would facilitate the verification of this claim prior to the release of this fund into your designated account:
As the acclaimed next of kin to the deceased, you should be in possession of these documents as it concerns the late Engr Patrick Jacobs Murray estates. You should provide this bank with these proofs as this would facilitate the verification/scrutinisation exercise by the Legal, Records & Statistics Departments of this institution on the release of the $5,500,000.00. Quick actions from you remains highly imperatives. Yours sincerely, Tony Agana Idris Head Of Telex Department AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Have been on holidays Sent: Wed, 25 Oct 2006 12:49:01 Dear Gilbert, I sorry that I did not get back to you before now. We had a national holidays which ended yesterday and I have to travel out of my station, I am now back and I am glad you have sent the application across to the bank. Do not fail to intimate me once you hear from the bank so we can forge ahead OK. It is indeed my desire that this business be concluded in the next few days so that we can invest more in this season and I am being hopeful that your club would do a great deal once this fund is injected into some new players as you are scouting for now. You should not discuss on the contract yet with any of the new players and you should intensify more effort to get the best for this season, so when the fund is transferred into your account, we can now commence with the second stage which is discussing the fees and signing of the contract. But at the current status of your club over there, how much does the whole club worth? Just want to know so I can plan my investment pattern into the club if you would permit that. Do not fail to intimate me immediately. Regards, Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: The bank has been in touch, but the news isn't good Sent: Wed, 25 Oct 2006 16:01:22 Dear Mr Philip, It is good to hear from you, my friend. I thought you must have been ill or something when I didn't hear from you. I hope you had a good time while you were away on holiday. Anyway, back to business. Well, the bank has been in touch: I got an email from a Mr Idris earlier today. Unfortunately, he's demanding some documentation which I don't have. Specifically, he's asking for copies of this dead bloke's death certificate, his "account bonded certificate" (whatever that is) and his last will and testament. Obviously, I don't have any of these documents... and I don't suppose you have either. Does this mean we're stuffed? If we can't come up with copies of these documents, I can't see that the bank is going to release that money to me. I told you I didn't think it was going to be as easy as you said, didn't I? Seeing as we don't actually have any of these documents, I suppose we're just going to have to admit defeat and forget this whole thing. That's a real shame. I was relying on this transaction to save Gypping Rovers. Talking of the football club, you asked how much it's worth. Well, it's hard to put an actual value on the club itself. In terms of assets, we don't actually own all that much; even the ground itself is leased from a local landowner. The real value of any football club really lies in its talent, and unfortunately that's a little thin on the ground at the moment. I'm hoping that this new Cornish player I've signed will help to turn things around. Mind you, now that this transaction's hit the buffers, I'll probably have to let him go at the end of the month: I won't be able to afford to pay him now. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, my friend, but without those documents I can't see how we're going to make progress. Well, never mind; at least we tried. That's our club motto, by the way. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: The bank has been in touch, but the news isn't good Sent: Thu, 26 Oct 2006 17:55:53 Dear, I need to see the copy of the letter you got from the bank so I would study it and know what the bank required. You should have confidence in this business OK. From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Here's a copy of the bank's email Sent: Fri, 27 Oct 2006 08:53:36 Dear Mr Philip, Here's a copy of the bank's email. It's all very well you telling me to have confidence in this business, but as you can see, they're asking for a load of documentation to prove that I'm this dead bloke's next of kin. I can't see how on earth we're going to get our hands on all those documents. Can you? It's a real shame. Gypping Rovers really could have done with that money. I suppose I'm just going to have to look for another source of cash. As it happens, I've got a meeting with the owner of Gypping Mill this afternoon to talk about just that. The mill was turned into a "World of Wicker" showroom the other year and I'm keen to see if the owner would be willing to sponsor the team. Mind you, it won't be easy to persuade him. He's a bit of a hard-headed businessman, and I'm not sure he's going to want to associate his business with a bunch of losers like us. I must go: we've got a training session in preparation for tomorrow's match against Frottagesham FC. This'll be the first match that our new Cornish player takes part in. I'm hoping his skills with the ball with turn our fortunes around. Do let me know if you think there's any chance of us getting our hands on those documents, won't you? I don't hold out much hope, I have to say. Best regards Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I have contracted an attorney Sent: Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:43:52 Dear Murray, Well, I must state here that you are right in you submission concerning the documentations required by the bank but I would contract an attorney to help you get the certificates OK. This would actually cost us some fortune but I would try my best to secure them and the attorney would deliver them to you so you can transmit same to the African Development Bank. These would take like three days and I would keep you updated as well. I would like you to speak with the owner of your club for some assistance financially so that we would have a smooth claim over this fund once the documentations are secured. I am sure that your club would win the match this time now that you have the new player and this is his first outing, so prepare the rest of the boys very well and let me know the score line after the weekend match which I am very sure would be in your favour. Please I still require your contact number and fax as well, send it to me. Regards, Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Do you really think your attorney will be able to get hold of the documents we need? Sent: Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:05:27 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. Do you really think your attorney will be able to get hold of the documents we need? You say that it would cost us "some fortune". How much exactly? You see I don't have "some fortune". I might be a bit better off after my meeting with the mill owner this afternoon if I can persuade him to give us some sponsorship money, but how much money are we talking about here? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Good news... and bad news Sent: Sun, 29 Oct 2006 07:56:22 Dear Mr Philip, If you don't mind me saying so, I'm more than a little bit disappointed that you haven't got back to me with an answer to the question I put to you on Friday. I will ask you again: how much money will your attorney need to get his hands on those documents? You say that you're keen to complete this business as soon as possible. With respect, we might be able to get on with things a bit quicker if you didn't take so long to respond to your emails. Think on. Anyway, I'm writing with some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I've managed to secure a sponsorship deal with the owner of Gypping Mill. He handed over a cheque for 15,000 on Friday afternoon, and we've signed an agreement that means his company's name will be printed on the team's shirts and on banners around the ground. I don't mind telling you that I'm over the moon. Unfortunately, I'm also writing with some bad news. Frottagesham FC stuffed us 1-6 yesterday. The new Cornish lad got the only goal for us. He's got a hell of a lot of talent... so much so in fact that the limitations of the rest of the team are even more apparent. The sooner we can complete this deal and I can buy some more decent players, the better. Get back to me with an answer to that question as soon as you can. There's no time to waste. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: The attorney would get the doc within 3 days and we need to complete the payment needed Sent: Sun, 29 Oct 2006 21:51:37 Dear Murray, The attorney has assured me that he would get the documents within three working days. The needed cost for these documents as given by the attorney is $4,500.00 which includes his service charges as well. So this is the amount we would need to pay to the attorney so that he can secure the documents that the African Development Bank is requesting. I have so far given him a mobilisation fee of $1,000.00 from my little savings here and we need the sum of $3,500.00 to pay him so that the documents would be procured in your favour as the attorney would also serve as your local representative here in Cotonou. Please my dear, the amount we need now is only $3,500.00 and I would be glad if you can make it available immediately as we do not have much time to waste here OK. I would like this whole transaction to be concluded within the next 1 week if we can work as partners and brothers in progress. I am happy to read from your email that the your lone goal in this weekend match was scored by the new player, it is very sad to read that you were walloped 6-1 goals but I would only hope that a better moment is still ahead of the team once this money is fully invested in some new players. So you should keep scouting for a better players while we put our plans on these transactions for the transfer of the $5.5 million into your account, OK. I would rather suggest here that the needed sum be sent through Western Union money transfer for promptness so that the attorney can receive the money upon payment for the documents required. The name for the payment would be given to you once your request and I am sure that we would conclude this process before the end of this week and the fund would be wired to your account as well. I anticipate you unalloyed co-operation. Regards, Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: $4,500?!? To get hold of a few documents?!? Sent: Mon, 30 Oct 2006 08:51:55 Dear Mr Philip, $4,500?!? To get hold of a few documents?!? That's an outrageous amount of money! Who is this attorney you've taken on? If you ask me, he's trying to take you for a ride. How can it possibly cost that much to get hold of a few documents? Welsby, the lawyer I've been using for the past ten years or more, has never charged me anything like that amount of money for a simple job like this. I reckon this lawyer you're using is charging way over the odds. Before I pay a single penny to this lawyer of yours, I want to see a detailed breakdown of exactly what this $4,500 is for. How much of it is for necessary legal charges, and how much of it is simply going to line your lawyer's pockets? Get back to the lawyer at once and demand a breakdown of his fees, and send it on to me as soon as you've got it. I'll be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Yes, the process would be legitimate and the attorney has assured me Sent: Mon, 30 Oct 2006 19:48:49 Dear Brother Murray, I have met with the attorney as per your request and direction and the breakdown of the charges is as given below:
Total legal fees and stamp duty on documents $3,300.00. Attorney service charges is $1,200.00. This now brings the total amount to $4,500.00 as charged for the documents. I actually tried to persuade him to slash his service charge which I have come to realise from the breakdown that it is high but he insisted that the fees holds as has some logistics to take care including his tips at the concerns agency to facilitate the process of obtaining the documents. The only good news from him on this was that he has agreed for us to pay him 50% of his service charge now and then pay him the balance after we have done with our transaction with the African Development Bank. And I am sure that this would now less the burden on us. From this development, the amount to pay him as at this date is only $2,900.00 as I have paid an initial $1,000.00. Let me know what you think on these with my effort today on this project. The documentation exercise has to be legitimate so that we would have a smooth claim over this fund and this also was the reason for the attorney's charges as he would follow the due process to secure the documents within three days, OK. I am waiting and you can send the balance so we can have the docs by Wednesday as he need the money to pay the charges as shown on the breakdown. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I've got an idea Sent: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 08:46:02 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for getting back to me with that breakdown of the lawyer's fees. I'll tell you what, you're not wrong when you say that his service charge is high. If you ask me, he's trying to milk us for everything he can get. Well don't you worry about that because I've got an idea. My own lawyer, Welsby, is due back from holiday at the end of the week. What do you reckon to the idea of me running this past him and seeing if he'll be willing to help us out here? He's always charged very reasonable fees in the past and I'm sure he'd be able to do the job a hell of a lot cheaper than this grasping attorney you've been in touch with. What do you reckon, my friend? Shall I get in touch with Welsby when he's back and see what he says? I reckon I could save us quite a bit of money here. While we're on the subject of these charges, there's one that I don't understand at all. You referred to "oat fees" of $600. What's that all about then? Does this attorney of yours eat a lot of porridge or something? Why can't the man pay for his own bloody breakfast? I must go: I've got a meeting with the chairman of our supporters' club in half an hour. I'm not quite sure what it's about, but he didn't sound happy about something. Mind you, he's the type of bloke who can always find something to have a moan about. He's a retired wing commander... and a complete bloody pain in the arse too if you ask me. Get back to me as soon as you can and let me know what you think about getting Welsby involved in this. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. What do you reckon to Chelsea's chances tonight against Barcelona? Ronaldinho's been looking a bit quiet recently if you ask me. I wonder if he'll be back on form tonight? From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Delay is risky and we have to work with my attorney Sent: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 14:48:36 Dear Brother Murray, It could have been a very good idea for Welsby your attorney to help us with this but I guess the whole documents has to be procured here in Cotonou, so will he be able to fly down here to obtain the documents? This I need to know first I can give my signal to him. Secondly, the fees of $600 is an oath fees for the high court and not breakfast, you got it wrong here. I must states here that the fees are not high since I am here and I know the terrain and the procedures as well. We are now talking of $3,900.00 for three important documents that would legalise your status as the bonafide next of kin to an account deposit of $5.5 million AND you must admit that no amount is much since you and I knew very well that you are not the next of kin to this late Patrick. I would not want a situation where we delay this whole business as time is of great important here. Waiting for your attorney is not healthy and moreover, I am quite sure that he cannot get the documents requested since he do not know Benin Republic agency for the issuance of the certificate. I would like us to work with this attorney as he has a track record and reputations too. Let me know how much you can be able to assist with and I would still try more to get more money for the documents. Email me now and I am only hoping that Chelsea wins today's game and I agree with you that Ronaldinho has been very calm lately but let's see what the result would be. But I predict 2-1 in favour of Chelsea, what do you think? Please send your driver's licence copy to the bank and inform them that your attorney is still working on the other certificate and that you will make it available within the next few days. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Maybe Welsby isn't the best man to handle this after all Sent: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 15:49:11 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for your email. Maybe you're right: maybe Welsby isn't the best man to handle this after all. This attorney of yours might be charging more than an angry rhino with a swarm of bees up its backside, but it does sound as if he's the best man for the job. I'll tell you one thing though: if we're going to pay him such a huge amount of money for what must be a relatively easy job, I want my money's worth out of the man. When you or I tell this lawyer to jump, I want to hear him ask how high. As long as you make that crystal clear to him, I'm happy to move forward. Talking about the fees, I understand what you meant when you referred to "oat fees" now: it was just a spelling mistake on your part. Was that another mistake caused by your slow-witted secretary? Have you not given her the push yet? Trust me my friend, it's high time you got rid of that wooden-headed waste of space. Her crass errors reflect very poorly on you. So, this attorney needs $2,900 from me in order to start work on our behalf, does he? Well, fair enough. That would have been a problem for me a couple of days ago, but thanks to that sponsorship deal I signed with Gypping Mill the other day, I should be able to borrow the money out of the football club's bank account for a few days. As long as I can repay the money within a week or so, nobody should notice that it's not there. So, how do I get the money to the attorney? Cheque? Bank transfer? Travellers' cheques? I'll get onto the bank and let them know that we're working on this. Before I do though, there's a bit of a problem about me sending my driving licence to them: I lost it a couple of years ago after an unfortunate incident involving a few too many celebratory post-match drinks and a schoolboy on a bike who wasn't looking where he was going. It was a very regrettable incident, but I still don't think I should have lost my licence over it. If you ask me, the little lad should have learned how to ride a bike properly. And anyway, from what I've heard there have been great advances in prosthetic limb technology recently. Anyway, seeing as I don't actually have a driver's licence at the moment, do you think the bank will be happy with a copy of my passport instead? I would have thought that would be all the ID they need. Do let me know and I'll get straight onto them. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You seem to be a lot more confident about Chelsea's chances tonight than I am. I know they're on a bit of a roll at the moment, but they're up against a Barcelona home crowd... we'll have to see what happens! From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: The attorney must work for us and make the payment via Western Union Sent: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 19:16:10 Dear Murray, Well, I believe you are right. The attorney would definitely do our bids till the end of this transaction. He would not have other options than to work for us after which he get balance 50% part of his service charges which is $600. The mistakes in my email to you is highly regrettable as it is merely a typographic error from my secretary. I would have sacked her as you just mentioned but she is the best around here. We speak and writes French here in Cotonou and that is the reasons for her mistakes as she only gets to speak English after she started working with me and I believe she would improve more as we progresses. So I would request your kind understanding for you not to allow the mistakes troubles you further. I would surely see to the fact that she improves. Your passport is ok for the identification and you should send it across to the African Development Bank since you lost your driver's license in the incident you did mentioned. Send it immediately through attachment for a clear picture to avoid distortions. The attorney charges should be sent through Western Union money transfer as he informed for prompt confirmations. We need to pay him this money so we can be sure to secure the certificates before Friday this week for the bank to process the transfer into your bank. Make the payment in favour of:
All you need do is to borrow from the money which you were given for the club and we would replace the $2,900 within the next 7 days as this transfer would be concluded by then once the certificates is submitted. Send the deposit details so I can forward it to the attorney for collection, OK? Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: What a performance by Drogba! Sent: Wed, 01 Nov 2006 08:32:53 Dear Mr Philip, Did you see the Chelsea-Barcelona match last night? It was a bit of a dirty game, but what a performance by Drogba! It looks like Chelsea are nearly certain to qualify for the group stage now... but I don't hold out much hope for Barcelona's chances of getting through. What do you reckon? I didn't tell you what happened at that meeting I had yesterday with the chairman of our supporters' club, did I? Not good news, I'm afraid. The retired wing commander is apparently quite high up in some crackpot organisation which is trying to split Cornwall away from England and get all Cornish people deported back over the Tamar, and he's absolutely livid that the new player we've signed up is Cornish. I've never seen anyone get quite so animated about an issue. He was spitting feathers. I tried to explain that this new player was the best we'd ever had, but he was having none of it. He was going on about this being the thin end of the wedge, and he was saying that if we didn't nip this in the bud right away Gypping in the Marsh would be swarming with Cornish people and our local shops and cafes would be replaced by places selling cornish pasties and cream teas. Anyway, he's given me an ultimatum: either I sack this new Cornish player before our next game on Saturday, or he said he's going to make me regret it. He's off his rocker if you ask me, but I know for a fact that he's got some good connections in the village. He could make trouble for the club. What do you think I should do, my friend? If I sack this new Cornish player I'll be getting rid of our team's best asset... but I don't like to think what might happen if I keep him on. What would you do, Mr Philip? I'd value your advice. Anyway, back to business. I understand what you are saying about your secretary. There was me thinking she had a brain the size of a shrivelled walnut, and it turns out all along that it's just that English isn't her first language. I quite understand. Incidentally, I've just noticed that you've been signing yourself off as "Philip Johnson" for the past couple of days, rather than "Johnson Philip". Is this another one of her mistakes, or is that the way they do things in France? Well, that's enough about your secretary's shortcomings. I'll send my passport off to the bank right away and let them know that we're working on getting hold of the documents. Please get back to me as soon as the attorney has obtained them so that we can move forward. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Tony Agana Idris Subject: Regarding my late relative's fortune Sent: Wed 01 Nov 2006 08:58:48 Dear Mr Idris, Thank you for your email regarding my late relative's fortune. I apologise for my delay in responding. Please be assured that I am currently working on getting hold of the documents that you require. Regarding the identification that you wanted from me, unfortunately I do not have a driver's licence to send you. However, I have scanned in a copy of my passport and attached it to this email. I trust that this will suffice. I will be back in touch as soon as I have the documents ready. Best regards, Gilbert Murray  From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: What a performance by Drogba! Sent: Wed, 01 Nov 2006 18:12:36 Dear Murray, You should kick off the Cornish player then and scout for a real English player. You should do your master's bid so he does not kick your ass out of the club as he warned. Why don't you scout for African players or would your master refuse them to play with the club too? Look, it does not really matter if I signed my name as Philip Johnson as both names are still mine. Any of the two can come first and why must you make comment on non issues?? I am expecting your confirmation email on the deposit of the attorney's charges. The attorney would not get the certificates without the fees and let's conclude on this now as we are not making any progress without resolving the certificate process. Make the payment and we move from there. Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Oh, I see... I need to pay the attorney before he starts work Sent: Thu, 02 Nov 2006 13:47:50 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for your email. Sorry, but I didn't realise before that I needed to pay the attorney before he starts work. I was assuming he'd do the work and send me a bill at the end of it like any normal lawyer. No doubt you do things differently over there in Cotonou. Well never mind; it's not a problem. I'll make arrangements to make the payment to the attorney. Regarding the payment I need to make to Mr Shekeinah, do you think it would be a problem if I sent the money via MoneyGram rather than Western Union? It's just that the nearest Western Union office is quite some distance from here, but the local post office does MoneyGram transfers. Please consult with the lawyer and let me know. Now then, about your advice to get rid of the new Cornish player I've signed up. First of all, I have to say that I found your use of language quite offensive. The chairman of our supporters' club is not my "master", and nor does he have the ability to "kick my ass out of the club". What I'm worried about is that he'll organise some kind of a demonstration or something: he's well known for that kind of thing in the village, and this organisation he's involved in is apparently quite militant. I really don't know what to do for the best. As for your suggestion that I should scout for some African players... well, I would if I could, but they're a bit thin on the ground around here. I don't think the retired wing commander has anything against Africans, by the way; it's just the Cornish he doesn't like. Oh, and the Scots... and the Welsh, of course... and not forgetting the Irish. But it's the Cornish he's got a real thing about. Like I said, I think he's off his rocker. I'm going to have to give this some careful thought. Do I keep on the Cornish player and incur his wrath, or do I get rid of the best player this club has ever had? I've got until Saturday to make my mind up. Oh, one last thing. Regarding what you said about your name - the way you freely mix up your forename and your surname, which presumably is the way you do things in Cotonou - I've decided to show my respect towards you by doing the same thing myself from now on. Best regards, Murray Gilbert Arnold From: Tony Agana Idris To: Gilbert Murray Subject: IDENTIFICATION RECEIVED Sent: Thu, 02 Nov 2006 18:07:43 Re: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF YOUR INHERITANCE APPLICATION The copy of your identification which you sent has been received and noted. You are also required to present the other requested documents for the Records/Statistic Department to verify the authenticity of your inheritance claim prior to the release of the fund into your designated account as submitted. We expect your urgent approach as it is our duty to serve you best. Yours sincerely, Tony Agana Idris Head Of Telex Department AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Send through MoneyGram and I advise a dialogue meeting Sent: Thu, 02 Nov 2006 19:08:22 Dear Murray, I have enquired from the attorney and he accepts MoneyGram, so you should proceed and send the money to Godwins Shekeinah. Please there should not be any mistakes on the names to avoid problem with the collection here.
Reference to your email submission, I am really sorry if my use of word is offensive, I never knew that the chairman of your supporters' club is not the owner of the club and if that is the case, he does not have authority over you. So I feel you should save your club from total collapse since the Cornish player is the best you have at this time. I would still make another suggestion to you with regards to his ultimatum to sack the player by this weekend. You invite him and the owner of the club into a round table discussion and explain to him the qualities you have seen that made you sign the new players. It would be unfair to disappoint your fans in matches just because of a man's hatred to a particular tribe. You should not sack the Cornish player if you do not have a replacement and the best way to resolve this is through dialogue so that it would not result into any demonstration from the militants in the village since the chairman of the supporters' club have control over the group there. Try and talk to him and if it fails then you can save yourself the trouble and sack the player, OK. Can I help scout for some players here in Cotonou or any other country within the continent? Africa has good players that still want to play in Europe. Let me know what you think and I can get you some quality boys that would perform well in your club. Please we need to conclude this transaction so that we can have the money invest OK. Send me the reference number of the MoneyGram once you make the payment to the attorney. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: That's an excellent idea! Thank you! Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2006 08:43:02 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for your email. That idea of yours about holding a round table discussion is an excellent one! That might just be the way to get this sorted out. There's no time to waste if I'm going to get this matter resolved before our match against Felchingfield tomorrow. I'll have to see if I can get the retired wing commander and the owner of the club to agree to meet up later today. It's a tight timescale, but with luck I might be able to get them together and come to an agreement. Thanks also for your offer to scout for players over there in Cotonou. Whereabouts is Cotonou, by the way? Geography never was my strong point in school. Is that where the lions and elephants come from? Anyway, if you can identify any half-decent players I'd be very interested. To be honest, pretty much anyone would be an improvement on the bunch of useless layabouts we've got playing for the team at the moment. Now then, about this attorney's name. I'm sorry, but the free and easy way you seem to deal with forenames and surnames is confusing the hell out of me. Like you, I'm keen to avoid any confusion when I transfer the money to your attorney, so I think we need to get this cleared up right now, before I send the money. You've told me that your attorney's forename is "Shekeinah" and that his surname is "Godwins". However, you keep on referring to him as "Godwins Shekeinah". Surely you should actually be referring to him as "Shekeinah Godwins"? This kind of thing may not matter to you, but when it comes to filling in forms I would have thought that getting someone's forename and surname right is vitally important. So, is this attorney called "Godwins Shekeinah" or "Shekeinah Godwins"? Please advise. If you and the attorney aren't sure, you could always ask him to refer to his birth certificate for a definitive answer. Get back to me as soon as you can with confirmation of the attorney's name so that I can transfer the money to him. Right, time to get on with arranging that meeting. Thanks again for your advice. I really do appreciate it. Best regards, Arnold Murray Gilbert From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: That's an excellent idea! Thank you! Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2006 11:28:23 Dear Murray, I have asked the attorney for the names and he confirmed that the surname is Shekeinah and his first name is Godwins. So it should be Shekeinah Godwins. Please email me asap when you effect the payment as I am waiting. Thanks, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I'm pleased to see that we've got that straight at last Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2006 16:46:57 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for your email. I'm pleased to see that we've got the issue of the attorney's name straight at last. Do you realise that even though you said in your last email that "there should not be any mistakes on the names to avoid problem with the collection", you actually mixed up his surname and forename? It's a good job I double-checked that with you: that could have caused us untold problems with the MoneyGram transfer. I can only presume that was another of your secretary's mistakes. I mean, there's no way an intelligent man like yourself would have made such an imbecilic error as getting someone's surname and forename confused. Anyway, sorry it's taken so long for me to get back to you. I've been working away like crazy here today, trying to arrange that meeting you recommended. The meeting's just finished, and I'm sorry to report that it didn't go very well. We didn't manage to reach an agreement, so I'm still left with a very difficult decision. If I play the Cornish lad tomorrow, the retired wing commander has threatened to take some kind of action... but then if I ditch the Cornish lad, not only am I giving in to unreasonable pressure, I'm also sacrificing my principles and denying the team the chance to score at least one goal. And it'd be making a complete mockery of the FA's "Kick Racism Out Of Football" campaign too. There's no way that lad should be discriminated against. I mean it's not his fault he comes from Polperro. I'm going to have to think long and hard about this tonight and decide what to do in the morning. Unfortunately, all this hoohah today has meant that I'm not going to be able to transfer the money to your attorney until Monday morning; the post office is closed now. I'm very sorry about the delay, but I promise to transfer the money first thing on Monday morning. I'll get back to you when I've done so. Do have a good weekend... and wish me luck for tomorrow. Best regards, Gilbert Murray Arnold From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Hang on a minute, you haven't cleared that up at all! Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2006 17:10:44 Dear Mr Philip, I've just re-read the last email you sent me, and I've realised that you haven't cleared up the issue of the attorney's name at all! In the email you sent me yesterday, you told me that his forename is "Shekeinah" and his surname is "Godwins", but you referred to him as "Godwins Shekeinah"... which is completely contradictory and utterly confusing. Having just re-read your last email, I've realised that you are now telling me that his forename is "Godwins" and his surname is "Shekeinah", but you referred to him as "Shekeinah Godwins"... which once again is completely contradictory and even more confusing. I really don't know why you're constantly confusing this matter. After all, it's not difficult. I just need to know what this damn attorney's name is. Unless we get this straight I won't be able to fill in the MoneyGram transfer form on Monday. For heaven's sake Mr Philip, will you please clear this matter up once and for all by giving me clear, concise and correct answers to the following questions:
Kindly have a good think about this, consult your attorney, and then get back to me with the definitive answer. Christ on the touchline, how difficult can it possibly be to get someone's name right? Best regards, Arnold Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Fill names correctly in the MoneyGram form column provided and it would be OK Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2006 22:24:27 Dear Murray, I have met with the attorney once again as you directed I do for more clarification on his names to avoid any mix up with the presentation of the name in the MoneyGram transfer form. You are very correct in your mail where you stated that the mistakes must have been done by my secretary. I am really sorry for the erroneous presentation in the first email that was sent to you. The second email was actually the right presentations of the attorney names. He has confirmed his names as follows:
This is the presentation for his names and you should not be confused with the way it was previously presented as here in Africa, things like this actually does not mean anything provided the surname was indicated and the forename also noted but I believe you are actually doing the right thing there and I see reasons with you as all you said was very correct. The names should not actually get you confused as I have now clarified the surname and the forename to you. On the MoneyGram transfer form, there is a column for surname and all you write there is just SHEKEINAH and there is also another column for forename/other name and you will write GODWINS on the column as well. After the names, then you write the address as COTONOU, BENIN REPUBLIC and this is all that you need to fill in the forms, so you need not write the names ordinarily as there are columns for the two names and you would fill the names appropriately to avoid mistakes. The same procedure is also applicable in your names as well, you will complete your surname and forename in the MoneyGram form. Once this is completed, you should send to me your surname and forename used for the payment so I can forward the information to the attorney for the collection of the payment from MoneyGram agent on Monday morning as you said. I hope I have cleared the mix up with the attorney's names. Now on the impending problems associated with the Cornish player, I guess you have tried your best to save the lad from Cornish and your position on this issue has really shown me that you are a spirited fighter that goes for what he stands for but as your good friend, I would advise you let go of the Cornish player since your club owner and the supporters' club chairman does not like his guts. You said the meeting did not yield any result. You cannot be a lone fighter where everybody around you does not appreciate your aspirations and good efforts to lift the club high from its current slumber. As you did mention that the chairman of supporters' club can mobilise some militants to demonstration over the Cornish player, I would advise you to sack the player so that you can have your peace and you can still get another good and quality goal getter for the club. Do not allow this development to bother you so that we can co-ordinate this our transaction to a successful end after which we can invest in the game, we would also sign as many good player as we can see and you would be the sole administrator and decides for the club in any way as you know the game very well. Endeavour to make the payment and I would expect the reference numbers for the MoneyGram. Send the MoneyGram slip to me through email and I would forward it to the attorney for collection. Have a nice weekend and I hope that you win your tomorrow game, let me know the results once the match is ended. Philip Johnson From: Nnamdi Peter Obiwuru To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Responds Please Sent: Fri, 03 Nov 2006 23:17:21 Greetings To You How are you and your families, hope all is well. I will first of all start by introducing myself to you. I am a young boy of 19 years old from Nigeria, I am a kind of person who takes football as a hobby, I love football so much, and it resolves to an extent that I should join a football club side in Europe, to acquire more skill in football, so I have been in several clubs like, Young Stars FC, NFA FC, Pepsi FC. I tested all these clubs to make sure I developed more skills in the area of playing. Since then, I thank God I have been trying my best, as of now the experience I had in playing can assure me to be a well talented player. I have my international passport and CV. I am writing this to you, to please assist me in the area of football, like playing in Europe and overseas junior team, so that I can make a way out. I know that I will be a baller, that has been mine dream right from my childhood, and I must achieve my goal. With these few words of mine I believed strongly that you can make a way for me, I promise to do my best. GOD bless you and your families. Thanks, Nnamdi Peter Obiwuru These are my profile:
From: Mamadou To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I wish to have you as my friend Sent: Sat, 04 Nov 2006 17:28:32 Dear Gilbert Murray, I'm Mamadou, a Ivorian residing in Ivory Coast. I'm a very good and impressive soccer player, so I'm living in Ivory Coast with parents here. I wish to have you as a friend. So how is soccer in your country? You know as for Africa soccer is sweet and poor here, I had played for lot of clubs here but no support for players. I will like you to please help me with any clubs contacts, I mean please link me with any clubs because I really want to extend my career out of Africa. Please keep in touch. This is the name of my friend who give me your address, please help me: Suzie Costello. Best regards, Mamadou From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Thanks for clearing up the issue of your attorney's name at long last Sent: Sun, 05 Nov 2006 14:40:51 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for clearing up the issue of your attorney's name at long last. It can be so difficult to remember which is your forename and which is your surname, can't it? Well, now that's cleared up, I should be able to transfer the money to your attorney tomorrow morning without any problems. Unfortunately, Saturday's match did not go at all well. And believe me, that's an understatement. I decided to stick to my principles, resist the pressure I was under from the chairman of the supporters' club, and play the Cornish lad against Felchingfield. I was hoping that when the retired wing commander saw how talented the lad was, he would change his mind. That turned out not to be the case. There were boos from our home supporters as soon as the Cornish lad took to the pitch, and when he first gained possession of the ball in the twelfth minute, there was uproar. I'm ashamed to say that a riot ensued. The retired wing commander had obviously planned this in advance, and what happened next was shocking to see. Although I witnessed it with my own eyes, to be completely honest with you, I still can't believe that it actually happened. There was a mass invasion of the pitch, from our own home supporters. Rallied by the retired wing commander, they made a beeline for the Cornish lad, who was overwhelmed by the mob before he knew what had hit him. Seemingly out of nowhere, a barrel of tar and a sack of feathers appeared. To my eternal shame, I have to tell you that our home supporters then stripped the Cornish lad down to his underpants, coated him in tar and feathers, and then dragged him out of the ground. The mob was so large - I did wonder when the match started why such an unusually large group of supporters had turned up - and so well organised that there was simply nothing anyone could do to stop them. I simply couldn't believe it. I knew there was some quite strong anti-Cornish feeling in the village, but I had no idea just how deep the hatred was. It was an appalling sight, my friend... absolutely appalling. To cut a long story short, the mob apparently dragged the poor Cornish lad out to the edge of the village, and warned him never again to set foot in Gypping in the Marsh. Poor lad... it wasn't his fault. I have to tell you that I feel a deep sense of responsibility for what happened. After all, if I hadn't have played him today, none of this would have happened. Mind you, looking on the bright side, the match had to be cancelled because of all the tar on the pitch, which meant that it was the first match in years that we didn't actually lose. If you think about it, every cloud has a silver lining, doesn't it? Talking of football players, have you already started scouting out for African players for me? I ask because I got two emails this weekend, completely out of the blue, from two African lads who were interested in playing for my team. Was that down to you? And if so, are they any good? I haven't got back to them yet. Please advise. Best regards, Murray Arnold Gilbert From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Thanks for clearing up the issue of your attorney's name at long last Sent: Sun, 05 Nov 2006 22:22:54 Dear Murray, It is really a bad situation and thank God the poor boy were only asked never to be seen around. The mob actions was indeed unfair but you should not be blamed as all your effort was to give the boy a future with your club before it turned bitter for him. But I still hope that you would found a better players to uplift the club, OK. I am surprised you wrote in your email that you got emails from two Africans, I never instructed anybody to email you and I am not aware of these. I would verify through my secretary to know if she is aware of the contact nor gave your email to anybody to contact you. My search for the players are still on and I would let you know soon. Ensure to avoid any mistake with the MoneyGram payment. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I have transferred the money to your attorney Sent: Mon, 06 Nov 2006 09:30:44 Dear Mr Philip, I've just got back from the post office. I got there as soon as it opened this morning so that I could transfer the $2,900 to your attorney. The transfer seemed to go through without any problems - the local postmistress is very efficient - and apparently the money will be available for your attorney to collect right away. The MoneyGram reference number of the transfer is 68471910. All the other details are as you gave me. Presumably your attorney can start work for us as soon as he has collected the money? Please get back to me as soon as he has done so. I'm a bit surprised to hear that those two emails I got from African football players weren't as a result of you scouting around for new talent. I mean, I've never had an email from an African football player in my life before, and then two arrived this weekend. Oh well, I suppose I should get back to them when I've got a spare moment and check out what they've got to offer. I have to say, I'm still rather shaken by the unfortunate events of this weekend... and so are the rest of the team. It'll take a mammoth effort to get them over the shock of what happened and get their minds focussed back onto the football. We've got a training session later today and I'm hoping that things will go OK. Unfortunately, we're having to hold the training session in a local farmer's field: we won't be able to use the football pitch until the groundsman has managed to scrape all the tar off the grass. He's not a happy man, I can tell you that for nothing. Do get back to me as soon as your attorney has collected the money. I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray Arnold From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: I have transferred the money to your attorney Sent: Mon, 06 Nov 2006 12:15:27 Dear Murray, I have received the information and I would keep you informed once the attorney confirms the money. Thank you so much for the assistance. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: The MoneyGram you sent was not seen?? Sent: Mon, 06 Nov 2006 20:43:09 Dear Murray, To my greatest surprise, the attorney said that the MoneyGram could not pay him the $2,900 as no money was sent going by the reference number you gave me. What is the meaning of this? This is not good for us in this transaction when you knew the reason and purpose of that payment to the attorney. Please I am highly disappointed as I never expected you to give me a wrong reference number when no money was sent. Clarify this issue immediately. But if you are sure you did make the instruction to the MoneyGram agent as you claimed, then the mistress never computed the transfer on the MoneyGram network and you should found out why. The attorney is very sad over this action and you must have to put things right immediately as I am very convinced of your commitment towards our success in this transactions. For the confirmation and collection of the $2,900 if paid, you would have to send me the MoneyGram slip or the computer copy of the payment so that the attorney can present that to the bank here for the payment. Time waits for nobody and you should do the needful. Send me the sender's name if different from your own name and state clearly the surname and forename as I did with the attorney's name. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I'm very sorry, I made a mistake with the number Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2006 08:30:48 Dear Mr Philip, I have to say, I was more than a little surprised to receive that email from you telling me that your attorney hadn't managed to collect the money I transferred to him. I was worried for a moment, wondering what on earth could have happened to it. However, I took another look at the MoneyGram receipt that I was given at the post office, and I'm ashamed to say that I made a mistake when I typed the reference number into that email yesterday. It's not 68471910 like I told you yesterday; it's actually 68471990. The postmistress has very bad handwriting, you see, and her 9s look rather like 1s. I'm very sorry for the mistake, my friend, but I was in a bit of a rush when I sent you that email yesterday. Please do pass on my sincere apologies to your attorney, and tell him that I am extremely sorry for any inconvenience this error of mine may have caused him. Anyway, now that you have the correct number, I presume that your attorney will be able to collect the money first thing this morning. Please get back to me as soon as he's done so. I'm keen to make some progress with this business. Do get back to me as soon as you can. I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Arnold Murray Gilbert From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I have passed your apology to the attorney and do send the slip through attachment Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2006 11:02:44 Dear Murray, Thanks for the explanations as I was also ashamed when the attorney told me that the money was not there yesterday but I have passed your apology across to him this morning with the new reference number. Please kindly confirm also your names in this order to prevent any possible delay from the MoneyGram when collecting this sum, I believe your surname is GILBERT and forename MURRAY. This is the details I gave the attorney and confirm in a return mail is correct, otherwise, you should send the correct names you filled on the MoneyGram paper to avoid any other problem at the bank during collection of this money. Possibly, send me an attachment of the MoneyGram slip used for the transfer and I would get back to you as soon as the money is confirmed, and we would progress from there, OK. Thanks once again and I expect your prompt response. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Don't make the same mistake with my name as you did with your attorney's Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2006 11:47:22 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for your email. You seem to be making the same mistake with my name as you did with your attorney's. My forename is Gilbert and my surname is Murray... and my middle name is Arnold. Please ensure that your attorney is aware of that to avoid any confusion when he goes to collect the money. I've just tried scanning in the MoneyGram receipt to send to you as you requested, but my blasted scanner is playing up. It's high time I got myself a new one. This shouldn't be a problem though; the postmistress told me that the recipient of the money doesn't actually need a copy of the MoneyGram receipt to collect the money. All they need is the information that was used to send the money and the reference number, which you now have. Please get back to me as soon as my money is safe in your attorney's hands... and apologies again for yesterday's mix up. Best regards, Murray Gilbert Arnold From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Send the slip and confirm the ref number from the mistress agent urgently Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2006 15:01:49 Dear Murray, You must get back to the MoneyGram mistress for correct reference number as the one you sent is still wrong. Maybe you have misinterpreted the writing on the form and you must confirm the letters from the agent immediately. Send the slip and also your telephone number as the attorney wishes to speak with you as this mistake is very embarrassing to his person. He has been to the bank twice with wrong details and this has to be corrected now. Scan the MoneyGram slip and get the actual reference number from the agent where the money was sent and also verify from the mistress if the money is there, she might have been the one that made the mistake with her input on the transfer. I am indeed very much disturbed about all this delay. If this issue is not resolved by today, then you would have to collect the money back from the MoneyGram and resend it through Western Union as directed. Urgency is required as the attorney has to collect the sum before the bank closes in the next two hours. I am expecting the copy of the form, the correct reference number and also your telephone number upon your receipt of this email. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Here's a copy of the MoneyGram receipt Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2006 15:43:08 Dear Mr Philip, I was most disturbed to read your last email. Do you mean to say that your attorney still hasn't managed to pick up the money I transferred to him? I can understand why he couldn't pick up the money the first time - that was regrettably my fault for making a mistake over the reference number - but I'm at a loss to explain why he hasn't been able to collect the money now that he has the correct number. Are you sure the man knows what he's doing? My scanner's still playing up so I've taken a picture of the MoneyGram receipt with my digital camera and attached it to this email. As you can see, all the details of the transfer are clearly written onto the receipt. I'm getting worried now at the thought of all that money going missing. I've only borrowed it from the football club's account... I'm going to have to pay it back you know. I don't like the idea that the money might have got lost somewhere. I'll get into real trouble if anyone finds out it's gone missing. Here's what I suggest. Print out a copy of the receipt and give it to your attorney right away, then get him to go back to the bank straight away with the receipt. I'm sure that once the MoneyGram people see the printed evidence of the transfer I made, they'll be able to sort out whatever's going on. Please get back to me as soon as your attorney returns from the MoneyGram agent... hopefully with the $2,900 safely in his possession. If he still has no joy - and now he's got a copy of the receipt I can't see there being a problem - then I'll go back to the post office tomorrow and see if there's a problem at this end. I will be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Arnold Gilbert Murray  From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: This is very serious and you should send through Western Union now Sent: Tue, 07 Nov 2006 21:29:57 Dear Murray, I am confused to the reason why the MoneyGram agent here informed that the transaction details you gave me was wrong, I have cross-checked the details on the slip you sent and it was same with what you gave me on the email. I actually had to go to the bank with the attorney and still, the money could not be paid out to him on the reason that the transaction is not there. So I am having this feeling that the MoneyGram mistress must have entered a wrong information on the transfer you made as there is no other reason why the money would not be paid as the details on the form is quite accurate with what was submitted by the attorney to the MoneyGram paying bank here in Cotonou. I am sure that the money would still be on the MoneyGram network as nobody can claim it, so you should not be worried about losing the money since the money is very much intact and you should go to the agent and ask for a recall of the $2,900 immediately. MoneyGram is not reliable, if not why is the money not there after two days of sending? This is bad as you know. Enough time has been wasted already and you should proceed to the Western Union agent in any gas station close to you and make the payment. This is the attorney request. I am sure that the money would be paid faster through Western Union once you instruct them to send it immediately. I would be expecting your email first thing in the morning with your update. Find out why the $2,900 you paid the charges was not transferred as you instructed. I never knew this kind of lapses exist elsewhere rather than Africa. I am hopeful you can resolve this as quickly as possible as the attorney is disappointed by the embarrassment the whole scenario is generating. Why have you refused to send me your number? It would be easier for us to trash this problem once we relay informations on the phone as it is faster. Do send me your number. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: This is extremely annoying Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2006 08:54:55 Dear Mr Philip, I'm very surprised to hear that your attorney still hasn't managed to collect the money I transferred to him, even after three separate trips to the MoneyGram agent. This is extremely annoying: it's delaying our transaction. Once again, I apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused your attorney. It must have been extremely embarrassing for him, to have turned up at the MoneyGram agent on three separate occasions and to have been turned away empty-handed each time. Your suggestion about sending the money via Western Union is all very well, but unlike you, we don't have a Western Union agent in every petrol station around here. Like I told you the other week, the nearest Western Union agent is quite some distance away from here, and travelling is difficult since I lost my driving licence. There must be a way to get this MoneyGram problem sorted out. As soon as I've sent this email I'm going to go down to the post office and see if I can find out what the problem is. I'll get back to you as soon as I return. Best regards, Gilbert Murray Arnold From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I am waiting if the problem can be fixed Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2006 10:13:36 Dear Murray, This is OK by me but make sure that the MoneyGram over there fixed the problem for that the sum would reflect for collection. The situation here is highly embarrassing but I hope you fixed it right away. I am waiting for your email once done, otherwise just recall the money and transport yourself to the city where the Western Union operates and make the transfer. Time is of great value to us and you must see what you can do so that the attorney would confirm this money today. I would also advise you direct the mistress to cross-check the MoneyGram on the internet once he certify it ready for collection if the problem can be fixed, or you can recall the money and go to another MoneyGram agent to effect the payment today for confirmation by the attorney. I am waiting. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Problem solved Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2006 11:06:37 Dear Mr Philip, Good news, my friend. I've been back to the post office and I've managed to find out what the problem is. I explained to the postmistress that your local MoneyGram agent hadn't been able to locate my transfer. The postmistress explained to me that MoneyGram are currently in the middle of upgrading their computer hardware in the UK. This has apparently resulted in what she called "internet connectivity" problems, and apparently mine isn't the only transfer to have gone missing over the past ten days or so. What this means is that the transfer is definitely in the MoneyGram system - the postmistress showed it to me on her own computer - but it is not showing up on your local MoneyGram agent's computer because of these "internet connectivity" problems. However, the postmistress explained that there's a simple solution to this. She told me exactly what your local MoneyGram agent needs to do in order to locate my transfer on their computer and gain access to the money. Apparently all they need to do is to follow procedure MG-ZS180 in their MoneyGram Procedures Handbook. This will apparently give your local MoneyGram agent access to all transfers that have got "stuck" in the system, and will mean that your attorney will be able to collect the money there and then. The postmistress was rather surprised that the MoneyGram agent your attorney visited hadn't followed this procedure already: apparently it's standard procedure for MoneyGram agents when things like this happen. She showed me the procedure in her own copy of the MoneyGram Procedures Handbook... in fact she was even good enough to photocopy the page for me. I've managed to get my scanner working again, so I've scanned it in and attached it to this email. She said to me that if your local agent didn't know to carry out procedure MG-ZS180, they probably don't know their job very well and that they could probably benefit from some more training. Perhaps your attorney ought to suggest this to the MoneyGram agent when he goes back to collect the money. After all, their ignorance of their own procedures has wasted not only your time and your attorney's time, but - more importantly - mine as well. Anyway, as it seems as if your MoneyGram agent doesn't know their job very well, perhaps your attorney should print off the page from the MoneyGram handbook I've sent you and take it along with him. Then even if your MoneyGram agent doesn't really know what they're doing, they can follow the instructions that the postmistress gave me to gain access to the money I've transferred. Please get back to me as soon as your attorney has been back to the MoneyGram agent to let me know that the money is safely in his possession. I'll be waiting to hear from you. Hopefully we'll be able to make some real progress now that we've managed to get this sorted out. Best regards, Murray Arnold Gilbert  From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Problem not solved and you should send thru Western Union pls Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2006 18:45:29 Dear Murray, I thought that the problem with the transfer had really been solved after I read your email which was very elaborate but the problem still persist. I now agree with you that the MoneyGram operator in this part of the world actually need some kind of training to keep them inline with the current trends in money transfer and locating of transfer. I and the attorney are really fed up and tired of all this stuff. The agent cannot track the payment even after we had presented the MoneyGram slip and the procedure brochure which you sent. I must admit that I and the attorney was disappointed again for the 5th times. The operator cannot pay the money since it was not seen on the network and because of the fact that French was the first language here in Cotonou, he could not do much as the procedure was written in English. Please you have to save us from all this embarrassment and pick up this money for Western Union money transfer first thing tomorrow morning. The whole of this week is now gone and we are not able to collect the money you sent since Monday morning, this is quite astonishing and too bad for this transaction as we are supposed to be sending the documents to the bank by now. I do know that you did your best with the payment and it was really not your fault that the MoneyGram network connectivity in UK was bad and that was why the money was not computed by the mistress agent. We must move forward with this transaction. Pick your money first thing in the morning and proceed to the nearest Western Union agent and make the payment immediately. I bet you the money would be collected within 10 minutes once the MTCN is sent. The attorney has informed that he would not accept the payment made through MoneyGram henceforth and as such, the money must be sent to him via Western Union as previously requested. I do know it would take your time going to the Western Union agent for the payment but I still believe it is the best as we all have wasted much time and energy with this single transaction without any good results. Dear Brother Murray, you must have to see reasons with me and make this payment through Western Union since the MoneyGram connectivity is still bad in UK. I want you to know that Africa as a continent is indeed a third world and our internet technology is not as good as what you have there in UK, and that is the reason this could not be paid out due to lack of knowledge on the side of the operator here. Email me so I would know if you are sending through Western Union, OK. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Problem solved Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2006 20:20:22 Well Mr Murray, I WILL PAY THE MONEY. Philip Johnson From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THIS IS FOR YOU Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2006 20:29:32 TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS TRAVEL CHOICE EXPRESS From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Problem solved Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2006 20:42:07 DEAR GUY MURRAY, HERE IS THE NAME FOR THE WESTERN UNION AS GIVEN. THE ATTORNEY OFFICE INO IRELANDERS WILL CATUP WITH THE DOOS. NAME: NKURUME DOLLARSNIGHT ADDRESS: NORTHERN IRELAND TEST QUESTION: CORNISH ANSWER: FOOTBALLER ASKE GURTHER QUES OK. SECRETARY From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: U WILL BE KICKED IN THE ASS NOW RE YOU WAKE UP Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2006 21:03:48 Dear MURRAY, You have not told me what happened b/w you and the club. You are suppose to be fired by the chairman and he has not done that yet, what did he do after the Cornish player was taken out of the bitch? Did he pull your pantes too as he did the poor hungry star from Cornish. I have gotten 6 nice lads for your dying club and I will send you there pictures once they scan them to me. Hope you will like there performance so that your ass would not be kicked since you are not doing better with the team handed over to you. SO WAKE UP AND DON'T LET THE MILITANT MILITATE ON YOU AT THE PITCH THIS WEEKEND. PREDICT THE MATCH BETWEEN IKEMBE OF UROMI AND UTULUENYI OF MBEKWU. THE BOYS PLAYS IN THIS TWO TEAM AND THEY ARE LEADING THE LEAGUE. EXPECT THE PHOTOS. From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Have you been drinking? Sent: Wed, 08 Nov 2006 22:43:58 Dear Mr Philip, Have you been drinking? The email you sent to me at quarter to seven this evening made sense, but the four emails you sent to me after that made no sense at all. First of all you tell me that you are going to pay the attorney, then you send me the address of a supermarket on the other side of the country (twelve times, no less!), then you send me some bizarre email about somebody with the unlikely name of "Nkurume Dollarsnight" who purports to be from Northern Ireland, and then you send me a completely incomprehensible email about some football players. What on earth are you on about, Mr Philip? What has made you turn to the drink? Was it perhaps Chelsea's defeat on the pitch the other day? I am extremely sorry - and extremely surprised - to hear that your local MoneyGram agent is so poorly-trained that they aren't even aware of their own internal procedures. It must have been terribly annoying and embarrassing for your attorney to have been turned away yet again empty-handed when he tried to get his hands on my money. But that's no excuse for you to turn to the bottle for solace, Mr Philip. Where would the world be if we all turned to the bottle as soon as things started to go awry? Where do you think I would be if I took to the bottle every time my football team lost a match? I'd be in intensive care awaiting a liver transplant, that's where I'd be Mr Philip, and don't you forget it. I don't mind telling you that I'm extremely confused now. Are you still expecting me to pay your attorney, or are you going to pay him yourself? Get back to me as soon as you've sobered up and let me know so that I can take whatever action is required. Best regards, Gilbert Murray Arnold PS. I have mentioned this before, but given the emails you've sent to me tonight I think it's worth mentioning again. There is a lot of money at stake here Mr Philip, and I think it would be best for both of us if we both keep clear heads. With this in mind, I would appreciate it if you would put down the bottle, have a strong black coffee, and refocus yourself on the matter in hand. I do not do business with drunks. So think on. From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Have you been drinking? Sent: Thu, 09 Nov 2006 18:45:31 Dear Murray, I should be the one asking you you drank champagne, so did you drank champagne??? Was your club walloped 10-0 today? Why didn't you go to the address and send the money? I have directed the operator on the supermarket to transfer for you but it seems you are dully, if not, you could have understood a simply instruction. How do you exist in your village over there, I suppose the chairman of the militant would have kick your ass by now by trying his ego when you played the bitch Cornish player from the ghetto in your last match. Do not say I did not warn you when he fire you, AS I KNOW HE WOULD DO SUCH. Make the payment to Ireland now IF YOU ARE NOT DRINKING. Attached is the photo of the boyz I have for you so that you save your ass from being fired and your head would grow bigger for hunger. I want to help your poor club and I would invest 60% of your loots into the club if you permit me. Send the money slip. Johnson Philliiiiiii From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Have you been drinking? Sent: Thu, 09 Nov 2006 18:49:29 Dear Murray, Let me know if the photo is received OK. Just call me. Ohh you have no phone. OK I call you now, confirm the number below: +44 7010004544. Expect me call and do not drink today cos of your loss so you can hear me vibrate in your ear drum. philiiii From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Do you want me to transfer this money to your attorney or not? Sent: Fri, 10 Nov 2006 08:47:29 Dear Mr Philip, Are you OK, my friend? Your emails to me are becoming increasingly nonsensical. I am becoming increasingly concerned about you: if you haven't been drinking there must be some other reason for your bizarre ramblings. Have you suffered a serious head injury over the last couple of days by any chance? Perhaps when you were kicked out of the MoneyGram agency you landed on your head in the street? You've referred to a photograph on a number of occasions, but you haven't sent me one. And what was that phone number you sent in your last email? It's certainly not my number. I don't know whose it is. Perhaps if you could put down your bottle of moonshine for just a moment we can return to the business in hand. Do you want me to transfer this $2,900 to your attorney or not? I am certainly not transferring any money to someone who goes by the unlikely name of "Nkurume Dollarsnight" who claims to live in Northern Ireland. I've never heard of this person before; I don't know them from Gerry Adams. And I am certainly not travelling all the way over to the other side of the country to visit a supermarket in Lancashire. I live in Lincolnshire, Mr Philip, not Lancashire. There is a difference, you know: we have less clogs and more cabbages. If you really want to continue with this transaction, I could pop into my bank later today and enquire about alternative methods of getting the money to your attorney. But I'm not willing to do that until you've proved to me that you've sobered up and that you've not suffered a mental breakdown. If you want to move forward, send me an email by return - preferably one that makes sense - to confirm that this is OK with you, then I will pop into my bank and see what they suggest. Best regards, Arnold Murray Gilbert PS. You asked about the football club. Our next match is tomorrow, against Bonkingby. Now that the Cornish lad has been run out of the village, I don't hold out much hope for our prospects. From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Do you want me to transfer this money to your attorney or not? Sent: Fri, 10 Nov 2006 14:34:44 Dear Murray, I can still feel you are having a hangover, why repeating questions for god sake? You sound as if you have lost touch. Are you crazy chairman still around? Why have I not heard much about him lately? The money must be sent to Ireland and this is the way it is from now. You have a light brain and you should try to recollect whenever an instruction is given to you are you would be kick off. I am sending photos again and call me. That was the number you gave me, so you are dumb not to know that the number was not yours, eehhhh. Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I will only transfer the money to your attorney Sent: Fri, 10 Nov 2006 15:26:51 Dear Mr Philip, My confidence in this business transaction - and in you as a business partner - grows weaker by the hour. If I had known that you would turn out to be a muddle-headed moron with blancmange for brains, I never would have started this transaction. Your attorney needs the $2,900 in order to start work for us. Or had you forgotten that in your drink-addled state? There is no way I am transferring the money to some Irish person I've never heard of. It just doesn't make sense. But then nothing you are saying at the moment makes sense, so perhaps I shouldn't be surprised. I am willing to transfer the money to your attorney, or not at all. It is up to you. If you want to continue with this transaction, kindly drag yourself out of whatever disreputable drinking den you've crawled into, get what's left of your lumpen brain back into gear and start making some sense. Best regards, Gilbert Murray Arnold From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: I will only transfer the money to your attorney Sent: Fri, 10 Nov 2006 20:48:32 Murray, What is the matter with you? Read my last mail and the follow my instructions.   From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: What on earth are those certificates? Sent: Sat, 11 Nov 2006 10:02:24 Dear Mr Philip, What on earth are those certificates you sent me? They are completely unreadable and from what I can see have nothing to do with this transaction. And on top of that you are still telling me to transfer money to someone I have never heard of in Ireland while your attorney is in Africa. None of this makes any sense, man! Are you mad (as well as bad and dangerous to know)? Explain yourself! Gilbert Murray Arnold From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: You are a big fool Sent: Sat, 11 Nov 2006 20:00:17 Murray, Do you mean you don't know the documents I sent you? Those are your certificate which you need to STEAL THE MONEY from Africa. You must be mad if you say you don't know the certificate. They should make sense to you as you sent them to me. http://www.gilbertmurray.co.uk/football.htm You are a big fool. Why are you hidden your number, you could have send them to me. Asshole. Send the money to your daughter in Ireland or your wife if you have any. Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I'm afraid it's you who's the "big fool" Sent: Sun, 12 Nov 2006 10:18:33 Dear Mr Philip, I'm afraid it's you who's the "big fool". I realised that you'd finally worked out what was going on when you searched the internet for "western union agents near hemlock cottage, cold harbour lane, gypping in the marsh, lincolnshire, uk" last Wednesday and you came across my website. You see, I've been tracking your every move online... and I still am doing. Anyway, on behalf of the tens of thousands of people who have been laughing themselves silly at your goonish antics, I would like to thank you for being such a gullible dupe. It must have been so embarrassing for you to have been kicked out of the MoneyGram office so many times. You have been an absolute pleasure to work over. You can go away now, and crawl back under whatever stone it is you came out from in the first place. All the best from Gypping in the Marsh, Gilbert Arnold Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Your second should rather read born fool Sent: Sun, 12 Nov 2006 20:34:34 I know about your stupid act from the first day I read your reply. I know quite well that you are a son of a bitch. I am not that fool you know and I am now convinced that you have a gully throat. Are you surprised I did found out about your scam? You have hit the rock as I am not transferring my money into your fraud account. Bye bye to your stupid act in the Gypping in the Marsh. I am too clever for your foolish act. Kick your ass off that poor club before the chairman mobilise the militant to hurt you down in your tiny home with the money you borrowed. Hope you can pay back the money and let me know for help so I can send you some more if your gully has eaten the $. Born foool. From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Your pathetic attempts at insulting me are amusing thousands of people Sent: Mon, 13 Nov 2006 07:41:37 Dear Mr Philip, It's good to see that you're still wasting your time emailing me. That's a good thing: it means you are spending less time trying to con innocent people out of their life savings. You really must be angry over the way I've played around with you over the past few weeks... all those insults you took... all those wasted visits to the MoneyGram office... all those pained emails you sent me, whining about the problems and embarrassment you were having trying to collect the money you thought I'd transferred to you... I'll bet the people at the MoneyGram office got really sick of seeing your face in the office every day. I'll bet they realised what you were up to as well. And I'll bet they weren't exactly very polite when they threw you out onto the street for the final time. Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that your pathetic attempts at insulting me are amusing thousands of people... because as you know, everything you send me is being posted onto my website for the enjoyment of others. Go on, Mr Philip... send me another insulting email: I look forward to reading them! Best regards, Gilbert Arnold Murray PS. Have you ever thought of trying to get yourself a proper job? A decent one... one that doesn't involve stealing from people? Obviously given your level of intelligence you're not up to much, but surely you could find some employment that suits you? Cleaning up after goats, for example? Copyright 2003-2025 www.gilbertmurray.co.uk. All rights reserved. Copyright notice |
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