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Gilbert Murray MP's Westminster Blog - New The Gypping in the Marsh Podcast - New The Gypping in the Marsh Village Website - New
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The Football Club ManagerIn which Gilbert's football club is at the very bottom of the league and desperately needs some new players to regain its past form. As luck would have it, Gilbert has just been offered a lucrative business proposal that would provide him with enough money to buy the players he needs. No doubt this latest scammer will be over the moon when Gilbert responds to him. What a shame he's going to end up as sick as a parrot... Cast of characters
From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: URGENT EMAIL Sent: Wed, 11 Oct 2006 04:15:06 THE MANAGER Attn: Mr Gilbert Murray, I am Mr Johnson Philip the Manager of Bills and Exchange Unit of the Foreign Remittance Department of International Bank of Africa, Cotonou, Benin Republic. I am writing following the fact that our deceased customer shared the same surname with you and based on this fact, our search for our deceased customer's next of kin produced you as someone who could champion this course and help us pull this fund to a reliable foreign bank account for the benefit of us all. In my department, we discovered an abandoned sum of $5.5 million (five million, five hundred thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customers who died along with his entire family in November 1998 in a plane crash. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guide lines and laws but unfortunately we learnt that his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him during the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and other officials in my department now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank's treasury as unclaimed. The banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after four years, the money will be transferred into the bank's treasury as unclaimed fund. The request for a foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and an indegine (sic) can not stand as next of kin to this family. We agreed that 30% of this money will be for you as foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account, 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60% would be for me and my colleagues. Thereafter I and my colleagues will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased with your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication. The money will be paid in draft to be cashed in any part of the world. Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any form of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately. Yours faithfully, Mr Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Regarding the email you sent to me yesterday Sent: Thu, 12 Oct 2006 13:54:57 Dear Mr Philip, I have just read the somewhat confusing email that you sent to me yesterday. You didn't give the full name of this deceased customer of yours, but as far as I'm aware, nobody in my family died in a plane crash in 1998. I'm sure I would have heard about it if they had done. I'm sorry, Mr Philip, but I don't think I'm going to be able to help you out here; it's this dead customer's next of kin that you're looking for, and I'm pretty sure that I wasn't related to the man. Oh well, never mind. I'd like to wish you luck in tracing this man's next of kin. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: URGENT Sent: Thu, 12 Oct 2006 18:17:04 Dear Gilbert, Thanks so much for your mail and also your kind inquisitive to know much about the proposal. Well our late customer (MR PATRICK MURRAY) did not relate to you or any of your family but I only decided to contact you on the ground that you share the same surname with him, though we have earlier tried our possible best to locate his family members all to no avail. So, now I want you to stand as if you are the next of kin to Mr Patrick Murray so that the money will be paid to you in any bank of your choice. We will get a lawyer here who will work on your behalf to see that everything is successful, the procurement of all the necessary document will be done by the lawyer. So, understand my point, as soon as I get your reply I will brief you more on what next to do, OK? Regards, Mr Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Is this for real? Sent: Thu, 12 Oct 2006 19:18:33 Dear Mr Philip, Is this for real? Are you seriously telling me that even though I'm not related to your dead customer at all, I'll be able claim the money he's left behind as my own? How would that work? Surely there must be checks and balances and safeguards to make sure that you can't get away with that kind of thing? Surely I'd have to prove that I was this bloke's next of kin? And I couldn't do that, because I'm not. I can't say that the money wouldn't come in handy. I'm manager of the local football club, Gypping Rovers, and we're not doing all that well at the moment. In fact, we're currently languishing at the very bottom of the Padley's Frozen Chickens League, and you can't actually get any lower than that: there isn't a league below it that we could get relegated to. We desperately need an influx of cash so that we can buy some new players and start to turn things around. This proposal of yours would provide us with all the cash we need. But surely it can't be as easy as you make out? If it was, surely everyone would be doing it. If you can convince me that what you're suggesting is actually feasible, I might be interested. For example, do you have any documentation to back up what you're telling me? I have to tell you, Mr Philip, I'm sceptical... very sceptical. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I don't suppose you're a football fan yourself? From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: This is 100% real Sent: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 03:43:38 Dear Gilbert, You are very right to feel the way you are feeling now as opportunity like this are always very rare but at same time, you have my full assurance that this business is real, genuine and would be done legitimately under a laid platform on inheritance claim transfer. I would like you to send me your telephone where I can get you so we can discuss this over the phone and I am beginning to develop interest in your line of business as I have always dreamed of having a football academy outside the shores of my country and your experience in the soccer field would be highly beneficial to me on this venture. All the required documentation in this transaction would be made available to you at the appropriate time as this inheritance claim is very sensitive and I cannot afford to risk this opportunities as my future and that of my entire family are tied to the success of this inheritance claim and I believe you know how I mean. Send me your number and I call you OK after which I would present the formal application letter which you would send to the African bank. Expecting your reply. Philip John From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: We're not going to get into any trouble over this are we? Sent: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 12:05:11 Dear Mr Philip, Thank you for getting back to me. While I am happy to accept your assurance that this business proposal is genuine - after all, I have no reason to doubt your word - I have to admit that I'm a bit worried that we might get into trouble if we went ahead with what you're suggesting. It's all very well you saying that this business will be done legitimately, but surely what you're proposing is against the law? I mean, when all's said and done, I'm going to be pretending to be this dead guy's next of kin when in actual fact I'm not. If the authorities got wind of any of this, surely we could get into a lot of bother over it? I mean, surely what you're proposing is technically fraud? Have you put any thought into this, Mr Philip? After all, I've got my reputation to think of. What with all the recent publicity about football teams taking bungs, the FA would kick me out without a moment's hesitation if they found out I'd got myself involved with anything illegal. On the subject of football, it's encouraging to hear that you're a fan. Tell me, what team do you support? I'm sorry to report that this Saturday's match - against our local rivals, Wankbeck Wanderers - didn't go at all well. In fact we suffered our worst home defeat in the club's entire history: we went down 0-11 to Wankbeck Wanderers... and they're not exactly the best of teams themselves. This Saturday's performance just goes to show how badly we need investment. We're losing supporters hand over fist at the moment. If we go out like this, we'll soon be able to count our supporters on the fingers of one hand. Your proposal may be just the lifeline we need... but I'm worried about getting into hot water if the authorities find out what we've done. If you can reassure me that this won't happen, I'll feel a bit happier about moving forward. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Could you just clarify exactly what your name is? You've been calling yourself "Johnson Philip" up until today, but in your last email you signed yourself off as "Philip John". I'm confused. From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: We would actualise this transaction without any problem OK Sent: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 13:01:46 Dear Gilbert, Honestly, this is the best thing that would ever happen to our lives as far as this inheritance claim is concerned. I can assure you that there is no risk involve as my bank has long been expecting somebody to come forth as the next of kin for the release of the account proceed as the sum would be confiscated if after this year financial year the $5.5 million was not claimed and I am directly in charge of bills AND exchange which affords me the ample opportunities to schedule this inheritance claim for our benefit. You can be rest assured that your football club would have a lifeline with this money and this would rather seem as jackpot than a fraud as you are thinking. Automatically, all the legal documents to be processed from the court of law would bequeath to you the next of kin status and thus makes our claim legal. And for the fact that you have a similar last name, I promise you that we would have a smooth dealings with the bank for this transfer of this money into your personal account. Take my word and you should not worry on the legitimacy as I also have a reputations and integrity to protect and as such would not like to ruin my career after many years of my meritorious services to the banking sector. I would have to resign honourably so that I can still get all my benefits from my bank, so I am much more concern about our legitimacy much more than you think. I am a Chelsea fan on the English league and Inter Milan fan on Italian Series A but my job does not afford me more time to travel for matches. I need that trust as a sportsmanship to be inputted in this transaction. We would not take much time into this business as it would be concluded within a space of 7 to 10 working days OK. My full name is Johnson Philip but my close pals in the office do call me Philip John in a short form to John-son. But all the same, I need your total commitment so we can both actualise our dream of a success life and then have a football club of our dream. $5.5 million will for sure turn this idea around for us and we can go into partnership if you so desire too. Send me your full details so we can proceed:
This are the information required and you should send it upon your receipt of this email OK. Best regards, Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I will give this matter some serious consideration Sent: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 15:34:25 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for your email. Your words have gone some considerable way towards putting my mind at rest, but I don't mind admitting that I'm still not completely sure about all this. I will give this matter some serious consideration tonight and get back to you in the morning with a decision on whether or not I am prepared to move forward. I've got to nip out right now for a meeting with our groundsman. The fence on one side of the pitch has become so dilapidated that the neighbouring farmer's sheep keep straying through the fence and onto the pitch, and my groundsman isn't happy about having to clear up after them all the time. Given the current state of the club's finances there's no way we can afford to buy a new fence, so I'm going to see if there's any way we can patch up the existing fence to stop the sheep from coming over and shitting all over the pitch. The sheep situation partly explains why we lost so heavily this weekend against Wankbeck Wanderers: midway through the second half, one of our defenders slipped in a pile of sheep shit that the groundsman had missed and this allowed the Wankbeck striker to get past him and have a clear shot of the goal. It's a shit business... in more ways than one. Right, got to go. I'll get back to you in the morning with my decision. Have a good evening. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I've decided to accept your proposal Sent: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 08:51:03 Dear Mr Philip, Just a brief note to let you know that having considered your proposal long and hard, I've decided to accept it. I'd like to thank you for putting such a lucrative-sounding business offer my way. You're going to be the saviour of Gypping Rovers, do you know that? So, where do we go from here? What's next? Please get back to me as soon as you can with details of how we need to proceed. I'll be out for most of the day - in anticipation of the money that's going to be coming my way I've decided to go out scouting for new talent - but I'll check my emails at the end of the day. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You say you're a Chelsea fan. Did you hear about the controversy over their injured player this morning? Mourinho's version of events doesn't seem to tie in with the facts if you ask me. What's your opinion on the matter? From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Urgent reply needed Sent: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 22:16:43 Dear friend, Thanks you so much for your final acceptance to assist me in this business and it is indeed for the betterment of both of us. I am glad to read that you have commenced search for new talent to uplift your club and this inheritance fund would do a great deal on your club as a new lifeline would be injected to it. I have drafted a text of an application which we require to present to the African bank for the processing of the payment. Send to the bank email below: info@afdbonline.org. Please do email me back once you have contacted the bank. Can you send me your telephone number where I can speak with you, preferable your mobile number as you have gone to the field so I can get you any time. Johnson Philip
From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I can't send that to the bank! Sent: Thu, 19 Oct 2006 08:50:47 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for sending me the text of the application letter you want me to send to the bank. Unfortunately it's left me a bit confused, to say the least. Are you sure you sent me the right letter? I've read through it, and even my untrained eye has picked up a number of things that don't add up. First of all, you told me last week that your late client was called Patrick Murray. But this letter doesn't refer to Patrick Murray at all; it refers to two other people called Jacob Murray and Jacob Hayes. Who are Jacob Murray and Jacob Hayes? Did they die in plane crashes too? Are we claiming their money now, or are we still claiming Patrick Murray's money? Secondly, you told me last week that your late client died in a plane crash in November 1998. But this letter states that the $5.5 million wasn't deposited in the bank until 1999. How does that work out? Did Patrick Murray deposit the money posthumously? Thirdly, the letter states that "my client is now ready to receive this amount as the only surviving relatives/next of kin". But if I'm the one who's going to be sending and putting my name to this letter, it's not "my client" who is ready to receive the money; it's me. Fourthly, could you please advise me what I need to put against "routing number" and "checking number"? I know my bank account number and sort code, but I haven't got the first idea what these other numbers mean. I trust you can see why I'm so confused. And if I'm confused over this, I'll bet the bank would be even more confused when they received it. There's no way I can send this letter to the bank; it's riddled with errors. I reckon if I sent it to them they'd just rip it up and throw it away. You hadn't had a drink when you drafted it, had you? I like the odd drop of whisky myself every now and again, but there's a time and a place for everything, and when there's $5.5 million at stake, I reckon we both need to keep clear heads. So think on. I think you need to take another look at this letter and redraft it... and properly this time. Send me the redrafted letter as soon as you can, and as long as it's free of errors, I'll send it on to the bank. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Did you see the Chelsea game last night? They stuffed Barcelona good and proper, didn't they? That was an excellent goal by Drogba. Too bad Shevchenko's shot went wide in the 58th minute: they could have got another one. PPS. It was well worth me getting out there scouting for new talent yesterday. I've got my eye on a young Cornish lad who really impressed me with his control of the ball. He made the rest of my team look like rank amateurs by comparison. Which, of course, they are. From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I am sorry for the mistakes OK Sent: Thu, 19 Oct 2006 19:48:01 Dear Gilbert, I am very sorry for the mix up, the mistakes was made by my secretary whom I drafted the sample to type and mail to you. Please I do correct the mistakes as they are very costly one that can undermine our efforts OK. The account becomes operational since 1996 and that has been corrected also. You should just state your correct account details in the letter and note that Jacobs is my client middle name. I guess the Chelsea goal is fantastic and am sure we can get young talents for future stars once this money arrives in your account. Put more effort in your scouting exercise. Please send me your number. Regards, Johnson Philip
From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: The revised application letter Sent: Fri, 20 Oct 2006 08:54:22 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for sending through the revised text. So, all those errors were down to your secretary, were they? Had she been drinking on the job, or is she just plain incompetent? Your secretary's errors reflect badly on you and your bank, and you don't want that now, do you? A secretary who can't even type a simple letter without making a load of crass, simple mistakes that a six year old child would be ashamed of is about as much use as a chocolate goalpost. Take my advice, my friend: give her the push and get yourself a new secretary. And make sure you get one with an IQ that's greater than her dress size. Anyway, enough about your cretinous secretary. I've looked through the revised letter, and there are still a few problems with it. Firstly, it still refers to "my client" rather than to me directly, and secondly, it refers to Patrick Murray by his middle name (Jacob) rather than by his first name. I reckon this is bound to cause some confusion at the bank, and because there's so much money at stake, I want to make sure that we do things properly. With this in mind, I was wondering if I ought to get my lawyer - Welsby, of the legal firm Elton and Welsby - to cast his eyes over the letter and check the wording. Welsby's a fine lawyer, and very well-respected in Lincolnshire legal circles. I've been using his services for over ten years. Welsby's got the sharpest legal brain I've ever come across. He proved invaluable last year after an unfortunate incident involving a serious case of metal fatigue in the roof of the stadium's east stand and a coachload of away supporters. Welsby worked wonders in the ensuing court case. Not only did he manage to get all charges against the football club dropped, he also persuaded the judge to award us costs against the bereaved families. I can't recommend Welsby highly enough. Do you think I ought to contact him and see if he's willing to cast his eye over the letter before I send it off to the bank? I must go: there's a training session about to start in preparation for tomorrow's match against one of our local rivals, Great Fisting FC. I've invited that young Cornish lad I was telling you about to come along and have a bit of a kick around. I want to see him in action with some of the club's existing players to see how he gets on with them. If he's as impressive as he looked the other day I've got a good mind to offer him a contract. Do get back to me as soon as you can and let me know what you think about getting Welsby to look through the document before I send it off to the bank. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I'm just about to send the letter to the bank Sent: Mon, 23 Oct 2006 08:39:19 Dear Mr Philip, How are you, my friend? I'm surprised not to have heard back from you after that email I sent you on Friday. You're not ill, are you? Or perhaps you went away for the weekend? Anyway, seeing as you didn't get back to me I popped into my lawyer's office on Saturday morning. Unfortunately it turns out that Welsby is on holiday for the next few weeks, so I couldn't ask him to cast his eyes over the letter you want me to send to the bank. I'll just have to send it as it is and hope that they don't ask too many awkward questions. I'm sorry to report that the match against Great Fisting FC didn't go at all well on Saturday. They stuffed us good and proper. I was as sick as a parrot. However, on a brighter note, I've decided to offer that young Cornish lad a contract. I think he'll do wonders for the team. I just hope we manage to complete this transaction before his first wages are due, because as things stand at the moment I can't afford to pay the lad. Not that I've told him that, of course; he probably wouldn't sign for us if he knew the state of our finances. Right then, I'll get that letter off to the bank straight away. I'll get back to you as soon as I hear from them. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: African Development Bank PLC Subject: APPLICATION FOR RELEASE OF $5,500,000.00 Sent: Mon, 23 Oct 2006 08:56:21 THE DIRECTOR DEAR SIR, APPLICATION FOR RELEASE OF $5,500,000.00 BELONGING TO MY LATE CLIENT, MR ENGR JACOB MURRAY NEXT OF KIN AS ATTACHED. We refer to your letter of notice as dated 1st August 2006 and article 12(ii) & (iii) & (iv). Cap 2, of Inheritance Claim regulations. Therefore, I have the liberty to submit to you, our application for payment of an outstanding sum of $5,500,000.00 (5.5 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) being the amount deposited by Engr Jacob Murray of STE ARIS TRADING COMPANY SARL account with African Development Bank in 1996. Mr Engr Jacob Murray died in a plane crash and my client is now ready to receive this amount as the only surviving relatives/next of kin to Mr Engr Jacob Murray. In the light of the above, I herein state the details of the beneficiary/next of kin to this inheritance for the immediate release/transfer of the said sum to the person hereunder presented.
My banking details is hereby given below as:
Sir, I will appreciate it greatly if my application is given a favourable consideration, as this will enable me to meet up with their financial requirements. Thanking you in anticipation of your maximum co-operation. Yours faithfully, Gilbert Murray From: Tony Agana Idris To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: APPLICATION FOR RELEASE OF $5,500,000.00 Sent: Wed 25 Oct 2006 12:34:45 African Development Bank Group "Building today, a better Africa tomorrow" info@afdbonline.org, afdb_payment_unit@yahoo.fr TELEX TRANSFER UNIT Gilbert Arnold Murray Re: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF YOUR INHERITANCE APPLICATION This is to acknowledge the receipt of your inheritance application letter to this office. The African Development Bank has commenced with the verification/scrutinisation of your formal application of claim which you sent to this department. You are hereby required to present to this office (4) vital documents that would facilitate the verification of this claim prior to the release of this fund into your designated account:
As the acclaimed next of kin to the deceased, you should be in possession of these documents as it concerns the late Engr Patrick Jacobs Murray estates. You should provide this bank with these proofs as this would facilitate the verification/scrutinisation exercise by the Legal, Records & Statistics Departments of this institution on the release of the $5,500,000.00. Quick actions from you remains highly imperatives. Yours sincerely, Tony Agana Idris Head Of Telex Department AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Have been on holidays Sent: Wed, 25 Oct 2006 12:49:01 Dear Gilbert, I sorry that I did not get back to you before now. We had a national holidays which ended yesterday and I have to travel out of my station, I am now back and I am glad you have sent the application across to the bank. Do not fail to intimate me once you hear from the bank so we can forge ahead OK. It is indeed my desire that this business be concluded in the next few days so that we can invest more in this season and I am being hopeful that your club would do a great deal once this fund is injected into some new players as you are scouting for now. You should not discuss on the contract yet with any of the new players and you should intensify more effort to get the best for this season, so when the fund is transferred into your account, we can now commence with the second stage which is discussing the fees and signing of the contract. But at the current status of your club over there, how much does the whole club worth? Just want to know so I can plan my investment pattern into the club if you would permit that. Do not fail to intimate me immediately. Regards, Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: The bank has been in touch, but the news isn't good Sent: Wed, 25 Oct 2006 16:01:22 Dear Mr Philip, It is good to hear from you, my friend. I thought you must have been ill or something when I didn't hear from you. I hope you had a good time while you were away on holiday. Anyway, back to business. Well, the bank has been in touch: I got an email from a Mr Idris earlier today. Unfortunately, he's demanding some documentation which I don't have. Specifically, he's asking for copies of this dead bloke's death certificate, his "account bonded certificate" (whatever that is) and his last will and testament. Obviously, I don't have any of these documents... and I don't suppose you have either. Does this mean we're stuffed? If we can't come up with copies of these documents, I can't see that the bank is going to release that money to me. I told you I didn't think it was going to be as easy as you said, didn't I? Seeing as we don't actually have any of these documents, I suppose we're just going to have to admit defeat and forget this whole thing. That's a real shame. I was relying on this transaction to save Gypping Rovers. Talking of the football club, you asked how much it's worth. Well, it's hard to put an actual value on the club itself. In terms of assets, we don't actually own all that much; even the ground itself is leased from a local landowner. The real value of any football club really lies in its talent, and unfortunately that's a little thin on the ground at the moment. I'm hoping that this new Cornish player I've signed will help to turn things around. Mind you, now that this transaction's hit the buffers, I'll probably have to let him go at the end of the month: I won't be able to afford to pay him now. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, my friend, but without those documents I can't see how we're going to make progress. Well, never mind; at least we tried. That's our club motto, by the way. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: The bank has been in touch, but the news isn't good Sent: Thu, 26 Oct 2006 17:55:53 Dear, I need to see the copy of the letter you got from the bank so I would study it and know what the bank required. You should have confidence in this business OK. From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Here's a copy of the bank's email Sent: Fri, 27 Oct 2006 08:53:36 Dear Mr Philip, Here's a copy of the bank's email. It's all very well you telling me to have confidence in this business, but as you can see, they're asking for a load of documentation to prove that I'm this dead bloke's next of kin. I can't see how on earth we're going to get our hands on all those documents. Can you? It's a real shame. Gypping Rovers really could have done with that money. I suppose I'm just going to have to look for another source of cash. As it happens, I've got a meeting with the owner of Gypping Mill this afternoon to talk about just that. The mill was turned into a "World of Wicker" showroom the other year and I'm keen to see if the owner would be willing to sponsor the team. Mind you, it won't be easy to persuade him. He's a bit of a hard-headed businessman, and I'm not sure he's going to want to associate his business with a bunch of losers like us. I must go: we've got a training session in preparation for tomorrow's match against Frottagesham FC. This'll be the first match that our new Cornish player takes part in. I'm hoping his skills with the ball with turn our fortunes around. Do let me know if you think there's any chance of us getting our hands on those documents, won't you? I don't hold out much hope, I have to say. Best regards Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I have contracted an attorney Sent: Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:43:52 Dear Murray, Well, I must state here that you are right in you submission concerning the documentations required by the bank but I would contract an attorney to help you get the certificates OK. This would actually cost us some fortune but I would try my best to secure them and the attorney would deliver them to you so you can transmit same to the African Development Bank. These would take like three days and I would keep you updated as well. I would like you to speak with the owner of your club for some assistance financially so that we would have a smooth claim over this fund once the documentations are secured. I am sure that your club would win the match this time now that you have the new player and this is his first outing, so prepare the rest of the boys very well and let me know the score line after the weekend match which I am very sure would be in your favour. Please I still require your contact number and fax as well, send it to me. Regards, Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Do you really think your attorney will be able to get hold of the documents we need? Sent: Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:05:27 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. Do you really think your attorney will be able to get hold of the documents we need? You say that it would cost us "some fortune". How much exactly? You see I don't have "some fortune". I might be a bit better off after my meeting with the mill owner this afternoon if I can persuade him to give us some sponsorship money, but how much money are we talking about here? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Good news... and bad news Sent: Sun, 29 Oct 2006 07:56:22 Dear Mr Philip, If you don't mind me saying so, I'm more than a little bit disappointed that you haven't got back to me with an answer to the question I put to you on Friday. I will ask you again: how much money will your attorney need to get his hands on those documents? You say that you're keen to complete this business as soon as possible. With respect, we might be able to get on with things a bit quicker if you didn't take so long to respond to your emails. Think on. Anyway, I'm writing with some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I've managed to secure a sponsorship deal with the owner of Gypping Mill. He handed over a cheque for 15,000 on Friday afternoon, and we've signed an agreement that means his company's name will be printed on the team's shirts and on banners around the ground. I don't mind telling you that I'm over the moon. Unfortunately, I'm also writing with some bad news. Frottagesham FC stuffed us 1-6 yesterday. The new Cornish lad got the only goal for us. He's got a hell of a lot of talent... so much so in fact that the limitations of the rest of the team are even more apparent. The sooner we can complete this deal and I can buy some more decent players, the better. Get back to me with an answer to that question as soon as you can. There's no time to waste. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: The attorney would get the doc within 3 days and we need to complete the payment needed Sent: Sun, 29 Oct 2006 21:51:37 Dear Murray, The attorney has assured me that he would get the documents within three working days. The needed cost for these documents as given by the attorney is $4,500.00 which includes his service charges as well. So this is the amount we would need to pay to the attorney so that he can secure the documents that the African Development Bank is requesting. I have so far given him a mobilisation fee of $1,000.00 from my little savings here and we need the sum of $3,500.00 to pay him so that the documents would be procured in your favour as the attorney would also serve as your local representative here in Cotonou. Please my dear, the amount we need now is only $3,500.00 and I would be glad if you can make it available immediately as we do not have much time to waste here OK. I would like this whole transaction to be concluded within the next 1 week if we can work as partners and brothers in progress. I am happy to read from your email that the your lone goal in this weekend match was scored by the new player, it is very sad to read that you were walloped 6-1 goals but I would only hope that a better moment is still ahead of the team once this money is fully invested in some new players. So you should keep scouting for a better players while we put our plans on these transactions for the transfer of the $5.5 million into your account, OK. I would rather suggest here that the needed sum be sent through Western Union money transfer for promptness so that the attorney can receive the money upon payment for the documents required. The name for the payment would be given to you once your request and I am sure that we would conclude this process before the end of this week and the fund would be wired to your account as well. I anticipate you unalloyed co-operation. Regards, Johnson Philip From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: $4,500?!? To get hold of a few documents?!? Sent: Mon, 30 Oct 2006 08:51:55 Dear Mr Philip, $4,500?!? To get hold of a few documents?!? That's an outrageous amount of money! Who is this attorney you've taken on? If you ask me, he's trying to take you for a ride. How can it possibly cost that much to get hold of a few documents? Welsby, the lawyer I've been using for the past ten years or more, has never charged me anything like that amount of money for a simple job like this. I reckon this lawyer you're using is charging way over the odds. Before I pay a single penny to this lawyer of yours, I want to see a detailed breakdown of exactly what this $4,500 is for. How much of it is for necessary legal charges, and how much of it is simply going to line your lawyer's pockets? Get back to the lawyer at once and demand a breakdown of his fees, and send it on to me as soon as you've got it. I'll be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Yes, the process would be legitimate and the attorney has assured me Sent: Mon, 30 Oct 2006 19:48:49 Dear Brother Murray, I have met with the attorney as per your request and direction and the breakdown of the charges is as given below:
Total legal fees and stamp duty on documents $3,300.00. Attorney service charges is $1,200.00. This now brings the total amount to $4,500.00 as charged for the documents. I actually tried to persuade him to slash his service charge which I have come to realise from the breakdown that it is high but he insisted that the fees holds as has some logistics to take care including his tips at the concerns agency to facilitate the process of obtaining the documents. The only good news from him on this was that he has agreed for us to pay him 50% of his service charge now and then pay him the balance after we have done with our transaction with the African Development Bank. And I am sure that this would now less the burden on us. From this development, the amount to pay him as at this date is only $2,900.00 as I have paid an initial $1,000.00. Let me know what you think on these with my effort today on this project. The documentation exercise has to be legitimate so that we would have a smooth claim over this fund and this also was the reason for the attorney's charges as he would follow the due process to secure the documents within three days, OK. I am waiting and you can send the balance so we can have the docs by Wednesday as he need the money to pay the charges as shown on the breakdown. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: I've got an idea Sent: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 08:46:02 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for getting back to me with that breakdown of the lawyer's fees. I'll tell you what, you're not wrong when you say that his service charge is high. If you ask me, he's trying to milk us for everything he can get. Well don't you worry about that because I've got an idea. My own lawyer, Welsby, is due back from holiday at the end of the week. What do you reckon to the idea of me running this past him and seeing if he'll be willing to help us out here? He's always charged very reasonable fees in the past and I'm sure he'd be able to do the job a hell of a lot cheaper than this grasping attorney you've been in touch with. What do you reckon, my friend? Shall I get in touch with Welsby when he's back and see what he says? I reckon I could save us quite a bit of money here. While we're on the subject of these charges, there's one that I don't understand at all. You referred to "oat fees" of $600. What's that all about then? Does this attorney of yours eat a lot of porridge or something? Why can't the man pay for his own bloody breakfast? I must go: I've got a meeting with the chairman of our supporters' club in half an hour. I'm not quite sure what it's about, but he didn't sound happy about something. Mind you, he's the type of bloke who can always find something to have a moan about. He's a retired wing commander... and a complete bloody pain in the arse too if you ask me. Get back to me as soon as you can and let me know what you think about getting Welsby involved in this. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. What do you reckon to Chelsea's chances tonight against Barcelona? Ronaldinho's been looking a bit quiet recently if you ask me. I wonder if he'll be back on form tonight? From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Delay is risky and we have to work with my attorney Sent: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 14:48:36 Dear Brother Murray, It could have been a very good idea for Welsby your attorney to help us with this but I guess the whole documents has to be procured here in Cotonou, so will he be able to fly down here to obtain the documents? This I need to know first I can give my signal to him. Secondly, the fees of $600 is an oath fees for the high court and not breakfast, you got it wrong here. I must states here that the fees are not high since I am here and I know the terrain and the procedures as well. We are now talking of $3,900.00 for three important documents that would legalise your status as the bonafide next of kin to an account deposit of $5.5 million AND you must admit that no amount is much since you and I knew very well that you are not the next of kin to this late Patrick. I would not want a situation where we delay this whole business as time is of great important here. Waiting for your attorney is not healthy and moreover, I am quite sure that he cannot get the documents requested since he do not know Benin Republic agency for the issuance of the certificate. I would like us to work with this attorney as he has a track record and reputations too. Let me know how much you can be able to assist with and I would still try more to get more money for the documents. Email me now and I am only hoping that Chelsea wins today's game and I agree with you that Ronaldinho has been very calm lately but let's see what the result would be. But I predict 2-1 in favour of Chelsea, what do you think? Please send your driver's licence copy to the bank and inform them that your attorney is still working on the other certificate and that you will make it available within the next few days. Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: Maybe Welsby isn't the best man to handle this after all Sent: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 15:49:11 Dear Mr Philip, Thanks for your email. Maybe you're right: maybe Welsby isn't the best man to handle this after all. This attorney of yours might be charging more than an angry rhino with a swarm of bees up its backside, but it does sound as if he's the best man for the job. I'll tell you one thing though: if we're going to pay him such a huge amount of money for what must be a relatively easy job, I want my money's worth out of the man. When you or I tell this lawyer to jump, I want to hear him ask how high. As long as you make that crystal clear to him, I'm happy to move forward. Talking about the fees, I understand what you meant when you referred to "oat fees" now: it was just a spelling mistake on your part. Was that another mistake caused by your slow-witted secretary? Have you not given her the push yet? Trust me my friend, it's high time you got rid of that wooden-headed waste of space. Her crass errors reflect very poorly on you. So, this attorney needs $2,900 from me in order to start work on our behalf, does he? Well, fair enough. That would have been a problem for me a couple of days ago, but thanks to that sponsorship deal I signed with Gypping Mill the other day, I should be able to borrow the money out of the football club's bank account for a few days. As long as I can repay the money within a week or so, nobody should notice that it's not there. So, how do I get the money to the attorney? Cheque? Bank transfer? Travellers' cheques? I'll get onto the bank and let them know that we're working on this. Before I do though, there's a bit of a problem about me sending my driving licence to them: I lost it a couple of years ago after an unfortunate incident involving a few too many celebratory post-match drinks and a schoolboy on a bike who wasn't looking where he was going. It was a very regrettable incident, but I still don't think I should have lost my licence over it. If you ask me, the little lad should have learned how to ride a bike properly. And anyway, from what I've heard there have been great advances in prosthetic limb technology recently. Anyway, seeing as I don't actually have a driver's licence at the moment, do you think the bank will be happy with a copy of my passport instead? I would have thought that would be all the ID they need. Do let me know and I'll get straight onto them. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You seem to be a lot more confident about Chelsea's chances tonight than I am. I know they're on a bit of a roll at the moment, but they're up against a Barcelona home crowd... we'll have to see what happens! From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: The attorney must work for us and make the payment via Western Union Sent: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 19:16:10 Dear Murray, Well, I believe you are right. The attorney would definitely do our bids till the end of this transaction. He would not have other options than to work for us after which he get balance 50% part of his service charges which is $600. The mistakes in my email to you is highly regrettable as it is merely a typographic error from my secretary. I would have sacked her as you just mentioned but she is the best around here. We speak and writes French here in Cotonou and that is the reasons for her mistakes as she only gets to speak English after she started working with me and I believe she would improve more as we progresses. So I would request your kind understanding for you not to allow the mistakes troubles you further. I would surely see to the fact that she improves. Your passport is ok for the identification and you should send it across to the African Development Bank since you lost your driver's license in the incident you did mentioned. Send it immediately through attachment for a clear picture to avoid distortions. The attorney charges should be sent through Western Union money transfer as he informed for prompt confirmations. We need to pay him this money so we can be sure to secure the certificates before Friday this week for the bank to process the transfer into your bank. Make the payment in favour of:
All you need do is to borrow from the money which you were given for the club and we would replace the $2,900 within the next 7 days as this transfer would be concluded by then once the certificates is submitted. Send the deposit details so I can forward it to the attorney for collection, OK? Regards, Philip Johnson From: Gilbert Murray To: Johnson Philip Subject: What a performance by Drogba! Sent: Wed, 01 Nov 2006 08:32:53 Dear Mr Philip, Did you see the Chelsea-Barcelona match last night? It was a bit of a dirty game, but what a performance by Drogba! It looks like Chelsea are nearly certain to qualify for the group stage now... but I don't hold out much hope for Barcelona's chances of getting through. What do you reckon? I didn't tell you what happened at that meeting I had yesterday with the chairman of our supporters' club, did I? Not good news, I'm afraid. The retired wing commander is apparently quite high up in some crackpot organisation which is trying to split Cornwall away from England and get all Cornish people deported back over the Tamar, and he's absolutely livid that the new player we've signed up is Cornish. I've never seen anyone get quite so animated about an issue. He was spitting feathers. I tried to explain that this new player was the best we'd ever had, but he was having none of it. He was going on about this being the thin end of the wedge, and he was saying that if we didn't nip this in the bud right away Gypping in the Marsh would be swarming with Cornish people and our local shops and cafes would be replaced by places selling cornish pasties and cream teas. Anyway, he's given me an ultimatum: either I sack this new Cornish player before our next game on Saturday, or he said he's going to make me regret it. He's off his rocker if you ask me, but I know for a fact that he's got some good connections in the village. He could make trouble for the club. What do you think I should do, my friend? If I sack this new Cornish player I'll be getting rid of our team's best asset... but I don't like to think what might happen if I keep him on. What would you do, Mr Philip? I'd value your advice. Anyway, back to business. I understand what you are saying about your secretary. There was me thinking she had a brain the size of a shrivelled walnut, and it turns out all along that it's just that English isn't her first language. I quite understand. Incidentally, I've just noticed that you've been signing yourself off as "Philip Johnson" for the past couple of days, rather than "Johnson Philip". Is this another one of her mistakes, or is that the way they do things in France? Well, that's enough about your secretary's shortcomings. I'll send my passport off to the bank right away and let them know that we're working on getting hold of the documents. Please get back to me as soon as the attorney has obtained them so that we can move forward. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Tony Agana Idris Subject: Regarding my late relative's fortune Sent: Wed 01 Nov 2006 08:58:48 Dear Mr Idris, Thank you for your email regarding my late relative's fortune. I apologise for my delay in responding. Please be assured that I am currently working on getting hold of the documents that you require. Regarding the identification that you wanted from me, unfortunately I do not have a driver's licence to send you. However, I have scanned in a copy of my passport and attached it to this email. I trust that this will suffice. I will be back in touch as soon as I have the documents ready. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Johnson Philip To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: What a performance by Drogba! Sent: Wed, 01 Nov 2006 18:12:36 Dear Murray, You should kick off the Cornish player then and scout for a real English player. You should do your master's bid so he does not kick your ass out of the club as he warned. Why don't you scout for African players or would your master refuse them to play with the club too? Look, it does not really matter if I signed my name as Philip Johnson as both names are still mine. Any of the two can come first and why must you make comment on non issues?? I am expecting your confirmation email on the deposit of the attorney's charges. The attorney would not get the certificates without the fees and let's conclude on this now as we are not making any progress without resolving the certificate process. Make the payment and we move from there. Philip Johnson Click here to view the concluding part of this scambust. Copyright 2003-2024 www.gilbertmurray.co.uk. All rights reserved. Copyright notice |
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