In which Gilbert does his best to reunite a poor orphaned refugee with the fortune left to her by her father, while attempting to teach her how to write poetry... with somewhat mixed results.

Cast of characters

Gilbert Murray - aspiring poet.
Queeneth Bakayoko - allegedly an orphaned refugee, and heir to a fortune.
Sir John Newman - Director of a security company in the Ivory Coast.
Dr George Edward - President of the security company.

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: HI PLEASE RESPOND

Sent: Fri, 28 Jul 2003 13:46:09

Dearest one,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. We got your contact from computerised data following my effort searching for a trustworthy person to assist us.

I am QUEENETH BAKAYOKO, the only daughter of late Mr and Mrs PHILIPE BAKAYOKO and my Brother PATRICK BAKAYOKO. Our father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan, the economic capital of Ivory Coast, before he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings to discuss a business deal.

When our mother died on the 21 October 1984, our father took me and my junior sister special because we are motherless. Before the death of our father on 30 June 2001 in a private hospital here in Abidjan, he secretly called us on his bedside and told us that he has a sum of $20,000.000 (twenty million United States dollars) deposited in a private security company here in his name.

He also explained to us that it was because of this wealth and some huge amount of money his business associates supposed to balance him from the deal they had that he was poisoned by his business associates, that we should seek for a God fearing foreign partner in a country of our choice who can assist us in claiming this fund from the security company for us for investment purposes and use it for investment purpose, such as real estate management.

But because of the present political problems in this country, Cote d'Ivoire, we want to transfer the money out of the country as we don't know what might happen next.

We are honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.

To act as the foreign partner of our late father by claiming this fund from the security company for further transfer and investment to your designated bank account abroad.

Moreover, we are willing to offer you 5% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your designated account in your country overseas.

Anticipating to hear from you soon.

Thanks and God Bless.

Best regards,

QUEENETH AND PATRICK BAKAYOKO

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: In response to your email

Sent: Wed, 01 Oct 2003 17:31:44

Dear Ms Bakayoko

I am writing in response to the most interesting email that you sent to me a while ago. I must apologise for my tardiness in responding, but my computer has been playing up recently and I have only just managed to get it fixed and access my emails. It has taken me days to work through them all. Your email certainly captured my attention - the story of your murdered father tugged at my heart strings and I have to admit, I shed a few tears thinking of you and your poor orphaned brother.

I do not know how you obtained my personal email address. However, if it is not too late - I realise that you may already have found another person to help you out, given the lateness of my response - I am keen to help you in whatever way I can.

Please note that I am in a position to be able to devote both time and money (if any is required) towards helping you out - like you, my late father left me a large amount of money in his will, which has been sufficient for me to live an independent and comfortable life, without the need to resort to working. I therefore have both time and money on my hands, and am willing to do whatever it takes to help you and your brother out of your current predicament.

If you require my assistance, please email me back with further details.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We thank you for your willingness to assist us

Sent: Thu, 02 Oct 2003 15:19:22 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

We thank you very much for your prompt response. We also thank you for your willingness and your concerned about the murder of our parent, may that not come to us again in Jesus' name, Amen. However, we still haven't find a reliable person to assist us to secure the money from the security company, for you know that to find a God fearing and trustworthy someone is very hard now, we cannot jump into contact like that. It is after our seven days fasting and prayers that you come in revelation to us, when we went for searching of a reliable person who will assist us secure the money from the security company where it was deposited and we so much believe God that you will respond to our proposal one day.

The funds in question is the only tangible thing we inherited from our late father. We have not handled such funds before, we are novices in the fields of investment, we have nobody to run to, we cannot go to the streets or the media houses in search of people who will assist us, we cannot expose the transactions anyhow for our security and the security of the funds as well, hence the reason why we contacted you for assistance.

Human beings are unpredictable. Specifically, in monetary affairs, somebody might be pretending that he is going to help you, while at the back of his mind, he will be nursing another thing. Help us to get the funds secured from the security company, help us to invest the funds in a lucrative business venture. The funds, if properly invested, will be for our future. If you know the kind of assistance you can render to your children, extend it to us. Accommodate us as members of your family.

Presently, the funds are still in the vault of the security company here where it is presently lodged for safety and not in the bank. Your presence will therefore be needed here for familiarisation, to ascertain the authenticity of our claims, to assist us in clearing the consignment and to participate in every sphere of the transaction for a hitch free transfer of the funds from here. Upon your arrival here a non resident account will be opened on your name in one of the banks here where the funds will be lodged after clearance from the security company for onward transfer to the overseas account you will provide for the proposed investment. The transaction is 100% risk free and it will only take us three working days to be concluded here and all of us will fly back with you.

Cote d'Ivoire, where the consignment is presently lodged, is in the western part of Africa. It is a tourist country and over 25% of the entire population are foreigners.

We can fax you all the documents concerning the deposit for your verification. We therefore solicit for your direct telephone and fax numbers for easy communications. Finally, kindly get back to us as to let us know your willingness and readiness to assist in this transaction.

We will be waiting for your immediate response.

We remain yours sincerely,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I will do all I can to help you

Sent: Thu, 02 Oct 2003 15:27:29

Dear Ms Bakayoko,

Thank you for your email. While I feel sadness that you have not yet found a way out of your predicament, my heart is gladdened by the thought that I will have the honour of being able to help you out.

You say that you have fasted and prayed for seven days and seven nights in hope of finding a suitable person to help you? Well, I am delighted to be the answer to your prayers. With my help, I am sure that we will be able to solve all of your problems.

By the way, now that your prayers have been answered, I suggest that you and your brother start eating again straight away. You do not want to become ill, do you?

You have not given me many details of yourself and your brother. How old are you and Patrick? Where are you living at the moment, with both your parents dead? What do you do to make a living?

I can understand that you are concerned to find the right sort of person to help you out, and to avoid getting involved with anyone who may have ulterior motives. I would like to reassure you that I am a decent, honourable and honest man by providing you with more details of myself.

As I said in my previous email, I am a man of independent means, thanks to the industriousness of my father, who made his fortune breeding sporrans in the Highlands of Scotland. Nasty bad-tempered little beasties they are, but my father devoted his life to them, and they provided him with his fortune. When my father died ten years ago I had no wish to move into the sporran business, so I sold the family business for an extremely large sum of money. I invested the money wisely and have been living comfortably off the interest ever since. So, my dear, I am in an ideal position to give you advice on how to invest your inheritance.

As I am lucky enough not to have to work to earn a living, I now spend my time writing poetry. Poetry is my one true love in life. I have managed to get some of my poems published in my local church magazine, but as yet success with the wider public has eluded me. One thing I hope to be able to do with the money that I will make from this transaction is to set up my own poetry publishing house, so that I can publish my own work and also promote the work of other struggling poets. I think this will be a noble way to spend the money.

I live a solitary life in an isolated cottage in the middle of the Lincolnshire fens, and see very few people from day to day. This enables me to concentrate my mind fully on my poetry. I spend most days sitting at my desk composing poems. My poetry is my life.

I hope you do not mind, but when I read your story yesterday, I was so moved that I felt inspired to write a poem about it. I call it "The Ballad of Queeneth and Patrick":

"THE BALLAD OF QUEENETH AND PATRICK"

Alas, poor Queeneth and Patrick Bakayoko

Whose father made a fortune from dealing in cocoa

He was a cocoa merchant in the Ivory Coast

To him the local business community would often raise a toast

For Philipe was a good man who was based in Abidjan

And you would have to go a long way to find a more honest man

But Philipe met his maker when his colleagues poisoned him to death

But he called for Queeneth and Patrick and with his dying breath

He told them he had left them a huge and secret stash

Of twenty million dollars, and all of it in cash

"Find a foreigner you can trust," he said, "who is honest straight and true

And who is in a position to be able to help you

Get the money out of the country, this should be the arrangement

And invest it in something lucrative, like real estate management"

Then Philipe groaned and lay back down, the poison took a hold

And he died there in the hospital bed, all blue and stiff and cold

So Queeneth and her brother sought a foreigner for assistance

And they came upon a helpful man, through much trouble and persistence

They offered him a percentage to transfer the money overseas

And when he said he'd help them, Queeneth and Patrick were both pleased

The money transfer went ahead with success and with great speed

And Queeneth and her brother lived the rest of their lives happily.

I hope you like the poem. I often find myself inspired by the things that happen to me from day to day, but your sad tale provided me with a special kind of inspiration. It took me nearly five hours last night to compose this poem, and I believe it is one of the finest pieces I have yet written.

You say that you can fax me the documents relating to the deposit. I would appreciate this very much. However, I live in a very isolated cottage, surrounded by marshland, in an extremely remote part of England, and my cottage is not connected up to the telephone network. I therefore have no access to telephone or fax, and have to conduct all my communications via email, using a satellite link-up. I trust that this will not be a hindrance to us? Would it be at all possible for you to scan in the documents you refer to, and attach them to an email?

You also mentioned in your email that I would need to travel to the Ivory Coast in order to help you out with this business. This will be no problem. I am sure that I can arrange suitable flights. I have never been to the Ivory Coast, or indeed to any part of Africa, and I am sure that such a trip would be most pleasurable. It will also be a pleasure to meet you and your brother in person. And I am sure that such a trip will provide me with some marvellous inspiration for my poetry.

Before I go any further, I must tell you that unfortunately I will be unavailable from Tuesday 7 October until Wednesday 15 October. This is because I am travelling to America to attend an International Poetry Convention in New York. This is unavoidable. However, I would like to reassure you that as soon as I return from New York, I will apply myself to helping you out with vigour.

I look forward to hearing from you, my dear, and to receiving the documents you referred to.

Best regards to you and your brother Patrick,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Uncle, contact the security company

Sent: Thu, 02 Oct 2003 18:43:52 +0200 (CEST)

Dear respectfully Gilbert Murray,

Many thanks for your email, uncle, we are so happy for your quick response to our mail, sir, the poem is very fantastic, we really want to read another ones. We are thanking God because he have finally answered our prayers, the bible said that prayers changeth all situations and that is it.

In answer to your question, we don't want to become ill, not that we are not eating since our prayers and fasting was finished, we are eating, but we are not feeding well, why because we don't have anybody here to assist us. Uncle, I am 20 years and my brother is 18 years old now, we are now residing in the city called Abidjan where the consignment was deposited with a security company vault for safe keeping. We are able to stay with a Liberian refugee camp here in Abidjan.

Meanwhile, we don't have anything doing for now, but I service at a restaurant just to see that we are feeding. All our hope is for this money to be secured from the security company and lodged into a bank so that it will be transferred into your bank account for onward investment.

In continuation of more detail in this very transaction, uncle, the worst is that the political problem here in Cote d'Ivoire is becoming worster every blessed day, so we have to hurry up as to enable us move this money out from Africa to your bank account in your country. Please sir, the attached is the deposit documents which was issued to my late father on the day of deposit, also my ID card, see for more details.

Also uncle, we will like you to contact the security company after going through the vital documents, telling that you are our late father's foreign business partner who will be coming for the claim of the consignment deposited under their custody for safekeeping. Ask them to let you know what we need to do before we can have access to the box.

Uncle, we will appreciate if you will be able to reach the company today so that we shall know where we stop before your travelling to USA, please get back to us as soon as you contact the security company.

May the almighty God bless you abundantly and give you more wisdom to compose more poems so that our hearts shall keep on rejoicing till everything is concluded and both of us will meet together and became one family.

This is the security company contact information.

Contact person: Director, Sir John Newman

Telephone: + 225 05 89 77 33

Email: globalsecuritymanagement@voila.fr

Kindly contact them as soon as you got this message so that we shall forge ahead.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

Queeneth's ID card

The certificate of deposit

The deposit agreement

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Thank you for the additional information

Sent: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 09:06:32

Dear Ms Bakayoko (or may I call you "Queeneth"?),

Thank you for your email, and for sending me the documentation relating to your father's deposit. I am so glad that I will be able to help you and your poor poverty-stricken brother. I am pleased to hear that you are not completely destitute, and that at least you have a job and food on the table. I was afraid that you and your brother would be living on the streets.

I am glad you liked my poem. I am giving a recital of my work at the International Poetry Convention in New York next week. I think I will add "The Ballad of Queeneth and Patrick" to my repetoire. I am very proud of the work, and I am sure that it will be well-received by the audience.

I really appreciated getting your feedback on my poetry. May I say, you come across as a young lady of impeccable breeding and taste. I think your father would have been proud of you, had he not been poisoned to death by his evil colleagues. What poison did they use, if you do not mind me asking? I expect that his death was rather unpleasant, whatever it was. You have my sympathy.

You mentioned that you would like to read some more of my poetry. Well, thank you! I would be only too delighted to send you some. I lead a very isolated life here and it is rare that I get the opportunity to share my poetry with others. I would appreciate it very much if you would agree to give me your opinions on some of my other work.

With this in mind, here is another poem that I intend to recite at the International Poetry Convention next week. As I said in my last email, I often find myself inspired by the everyday things that happen to me. I like to think that my poetry shines a light of beauty and wonder onto what at first seem like mundane and boring things. This is one such poem. I would appreciate your thoughts on it:

"CLEANING THE FLOOR"

There in the middle of the kitchen I stand

With my big mop in my hand

And as I see the dirt that has been brought in from the street

I look down to the mop bucket at my feet

It is full of hot water and detergent

The floor is very dirty and cleaning it is urgent

The mop dips in the water and then I wring it out

And then I start to clean the floor and move the dirt about

I wonder as I mop the floor "How did it get so dirty?

Did the dirt come off my brown suede shoes, or was it my dog Bertie?"

And then I see that the floor represents my whole life

And every little grain of dirt represents trouble, grief and strife

I can mop the kitchen floor clean, but how can I be more happy

When everything around me is dull and boring and crappy?

Well a mop won't help, that's for sure.

I do not actually have a dog called Bertie, you understand. That is what we call "poetic licence".

I shall compose an email today and send it to the security company as you asked.

Wishing all the best to you and your brother.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: FAO John Newman - Re. Bakayoko's millions

Sent: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 09:08:41

Dear Mr Newman,

I am writing to you regarding a consignment you have lodged with you under the name of "Philip Bakayoko", a resident of the Ivory Coast. I am a foreign business partner of the late Mr Bakayoko, who was most inconveniently poisoned to death by his business partners some time ago. Not by me, I hasten to add. I am not that kind of business partner.

As the deceased Mr Bakayoko's business partner, I would like to claim the security boxes. Their content need not concern you. Suffice to say that they contain something of great personal interest to me, which the expired Mr Bakayoko would wish me to have.

I am planning to travel to the Ivory Coast to collect the consignment from your offices. Please respond and let me know what procedures I must follow in order to do this.

Unfortunately I will be unavailable from now until Wednesday 15 October - I am attending a convention in the USA. However, I intend to travel to the Ivory Coast as soon as possible following my return.

I look forward to your prompt response.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I have contacted the security company

Sent: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 14:31:28

Dear Queeneth,

A quick email to inform you that I contacted the security company this morning, but that I have not heard back from them yet.

To keep you informed of my movements, I am spending this afternoon composing a poem about a particularly fine tree that I saw the other day. I am travelling to visit my sick aunt tonight, where I am spending the weekend, and I will back home on Monday, getting ready for my trip to America on Tuesday. I should therefore be able to catch up on things briefly on Monday before my flight.

May I wish you and your brother a fine weekend in the refugee camp.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your efforts, we wishes you safe journey!!!!

Sent: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 16:19:32 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Uncle,

Many thanks for your message, we are very happy that you contacted the security company so quick, this shows us that you care for us truly, may the God almighty who knows everything continue to guide you and family all the days of your life in Jesus' name.

However, uncle, let's wait and hear from them. Meanwhile, we wish you safe journey and pray that your journey shall be as you planned it to be.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: A poem to cheer up your weekend

Sent: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 15:37:31

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email and for your kind wishes. I am touched by your concern for me.

I am just about to leave to visit my sick aunt. Before I go, here is another one of my poems to cheer up your weekend. I consider this to be one of my finest works, and I am intending to include this poem in my recital in New York next week. I was inspired to write it by a painting I have hanging in my lounge.

"PAINTING OF A WOMAN"

Oh wonderful woman up there on the wall

It's a shame you're not real, I can't touch you at all

Your eyes are so bright and your hair is so long

When I look at you I feel like breaking out in song

Oh wonderful woman above the gas fire

If I stood on a chair I could hang you up higher

The glow of your skin is like a ripe juicy peach

Oh why are you so completely out of my reach?

Oh wonderful woman in a frame dark and brown

When I decorate the lounge I will have to take you down

But once I've repainted the first thing I'll do

Is to hang you back up on the wall of the flue

Oh wonderful woman, please transform my home

It's bereft of real women, just me here alone

My life is so empty, with no woman to cherish

And that's how it will be from now until I perish.

I will catch up on my email on Monday before I leave for America on Tuesday. Wishing you and your destitute brother all the best.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: WELCOME TO GLOBAL SECURITY COMPANY ABIDJAN

Sent: Sat, 04 Oct 2003 21:08:10 +0200 (CEST)

ATTENTION TO GILBERT MURRAY.

SIR,

THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE OUR RECIEPT OF YOUR MAIL CONCERNING KNOWING THE INFORMATION ABOUT A CONSIGNMENT DEPOSITED BY THE MR PHILIP BAKAYOKO IN OUR SECURITY VAULTS FOR SAFE KEEPING.

IN DETAILS, YOU ARE EXPECTED TO MAKE A CHANGE OF THE BENEFICIARY/OWNERSHIP OF THE BOX TO YOUR NAME OFFICIALLY IN OUR ORGANISATION BEFORE WE CAN RELEASE ANY INFORMATION REGARDING ANY CONSIGNMENTS IN OUR SECURITY VAULTS TO YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A TOTAL STRANGER FOR NOW UNTIL YOU'RE MADE THE NEW BENEFICIARY.

THE PROCEEDURES/REQUIREMENTS FOR THE CHANGE OF NAME ARE AS FOLLOWS:

YOUR FULL NAME AND CONTACT ADDRESS INCLUDING YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS.
YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT NUMBER OR DRIVER LICENCE NUMBER.
LEGAL PROCESSING FEE OF 5,500 EUROS ONLY FOR THE PROCESSING AND OBTAINANCE OF THE CHANGE OF NAME DOCUMENT IN YOUR NAME BY OUR LEGAL ATTACHE WHICH GIVES YOU THE LEGAL RIGHTS/ACCESS TO THE CONSIGNMENT.

YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND THE MONEY THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AS THAT WILL BE THE FASTEST WAY TO RECEIVE MONEY FROM ABROAD BY THE NAME OF MY SECRETARY:

NAME: AMBROSE LOUIS

COUNTRY: COTE D'IVOIRE

CITY: ABIDJAN

IMMEDIATELY YOU ARE THROUGH IN TRANSFERRING THE MONEY, SEND THE RECEIVER INFORMATIONS TO US, AND UPON CONFIRMATION OF THE ABOVE REQUIREMENTS, OUR LEGAL ATTACHE WILL PROCEED TOWARDS MAKING THE CHANGE OF NAME WHICH IS DONE WITHIN 24 HOURS.

WE SHALL ALSO MAKE A FULL CALCULATION TO KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH DEMURRAGE COST/DEPOSIT CHARGE THE CONSIGNMENT HAS ACCUMULATED AND EVERY OTHER INFORMATION RELATING TO THE CONSIGNMENT SHALL BE GIVEN TO YOU FOR YOUR PERUSAL IMMEDIATELY THE CHANGE OF NAME IS DONE.

THE AUTHORITY OF THE BOARD OF THE DIRECTORS OF THE GLOBAL SECURITY COMPANY MANAGEMENT IS TO REALISE OR SHIP THE CONSIGNMENT WHICH WAS DEPOSITED BY THE COSTUMERS IN OUR COMPANY, TO THE DESTINATION WHERE HE/SHE WILL ADVISE THE COMPANY TO SHIP THE CONSIGNMENT TO HIM/HER, SO IF YOU ARE COMING FOR TO CLAIM YOUR CONSIGNMENT, YOU ARE WELCOME. IF YOU ALSO WILL LIKE THE COMPANY TO SHIP YOUR CONSIGNMENT THROUGH DIPLOMATIC TO YOUR COUNTRY, THE COMPANY IS READY TO GIVE YOU THE ASSISTANCE.

WE HOPE TO HAVE GOOD BUSINESS CO-OPERATION & UNDERSTANDING WITH YOU AND PLEASE IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU FAIL TO UNDERSTAND, ALWAYS CONTACT ME FOR ADVICES.

WE ARE VERY SORRY FOR THE DEATH OF YOUR BUSINESS PARTNER MR PHILIP BAKAYOKO, MAY HIS GENTLE SOUL REST IN PEACE.

WE'RE AT THE BEST OF YOUR SERVICES.

SIR JOHN NEWMAN

DIRECTOR, GLOBAL SECURITY COMPANY MANAGEMENT, ABIDJAN

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Thank you for the information you sent

Sent: Sun, 05 Oct 2003 18:56:25

Dear Mr Newman,

Thank you for your email. It was most informative. I must say, it would have been a lot easier to read had you not written it all in CAPITAL LETTERS, but perhaps that is the way things are done in the world of international finance and security.

I have just noticed that you sign your emails as "Sir John Newman". Should I be addressing you as "Sir John", or will plain "Mr Newman" suffice? Please advise - I would hate to cause offence. How did you get your knighthood, by the way? Is it hereditary, or has Her Majesty made you a life peer for some reason? Do you attend the House of Lords often? And how have the government's latest reforms of the House of Lords affected you? I have always been fascinated by the English honours system - you must tell me more.

Thank you also for your kind comments regarding my late business partner, Mr Philip Bakayoko. I have to say, I miss the man dreadfully. He had a marvellous sense of humour, and could talk about cocoa until the cows came home. Which, believe me, is more interesting than it sounds.

As I believe I mentioned previously, I am travelling to America for a week on Tuesday, and will unfortunately be uncontactable until Wednesday 15 October. I shall start work on this business as soon as I return from the United States. If I have any queries on this matter, I will get back to you then.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: A quick email before I travel to America

Sent: Mon, 06 Oct 2003 11:05:38

Dear Queeneth,

I thought I would send you a quick email before I pack for America tomorrow. I checked my email when I returned home from my aunt's last night and found that the security company had contacted me. I sent them a quick reply and told them that I would apply myself to this matter as soon as I return from the poetry convention.

Talking of the poetry convention, I have composed a short poem about my forthcoming trip. Although it is not very long, I feel that it neatly encompasses all of my feelings about my visit to America, and I am very proud of it. I hope you and your brother enjoy it.

"GOING TO AMERICA"

I'm going to America

I'm going on a plane

I hope I like it so much

That I'll want to go again

I'm going to America

I hope it will be nice

And I hope that the hotel I'm in

Is a pleasant place

I'm going to America

I'm going for a week

And when I come back to England

Because of jetlag I'll probably have to sleep.

I hope that you and your brother enjoy yourselves in the refugee camp this week while I am away. I will contact you as soon as I return and we will solve all your problems.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We wish safe journey!!!

Sent: Mon, 06 Oct 2003 18:05:50 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Uncle,

Thanks for your email, we are very happy to hear from you today, we also in receipt of the message you sent to us on Saturday, thanks for all.

Uncle, we are wishing you the best of luck and pray that you will have a safe journey, and all your plans will work as you have planned it to be, God bless you for your kindly efforts.

However sir, as soon as you come back please write us, we shall be happy to welcome you.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I am back

Sent: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 10:44:01

Dear Queeneth,

You will be pleased to hear that I have arrived safely back from my trip to America.

Unfortunately, the trip did not go as well as I had hoped. The other poets at the convention did not seem to appreciate my poetry. I gave my poetry recital as planned, and recited eight of my best poems, including "The Ballad of Queeneth and Patrick". But people laughed. They heckled me. Some people even walked out. I was most offended. Philistines. These people would not recognise good poetry if it walked over and slapped them in the face with a wet fish.

You like my poetry, don't you, Queeneth? At least you appreciate my talent.

On the bright side, setbacks can often inspire good poetry. I have written the following poem and I am very proud of it. You will notice that this poem does not actually rhyme. You might think that this is bad, but it is not. Trust me. It is called "free verse": It is a lot easier to write, because you don't have to think of rhymes. Rhymes can be difficult. I tried to think of a rhyme for the word "orange" the other day, and I couldn't think of one at all.

Can you think of a word that rhymes with "orange"? Please let me know if you can. I am half way through a poem (about an orange) and I am stuck until I can think of a word to use. Anyway, I hope you and your brother like this poem.

"DON'T LAUGH AT ME, YOU PHILISTINES"

I stand up on a stage with my poetry in my hand

And I start reading

Words flow from my mouth like a bottle in the ocean

With a message inside it

My words are good and they have meaning

As deep as a very deep lake

Or pond

Or the ocean

But do you see beyond my words and grasp my meaning?

No you do not

Because you are a philistine and you have no appreciation for the finer things in life

Stop laughing

It isn't funny

It's rude

Why does nobody understand

It isn't fair

Nobody has ever truly understood me

What is the point of it all?

Why not end it here?

Then you'll be sorry.

I hope you and your brother have had a jolly week inside your refugee camp, and that your job is going well.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We welcome you in the name of God almighty

Sent: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 17:57:10 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Uncle,

Thanks for your mail, we are very happy for you have arrived safely, thanks be to God. We are so sorry for your plan which did not work as you planned it to be, of course we like the poem, when someone try and fail, did not mean that he wouldn't win in the next step, we are praying for you that God will give you more wisdom to write more poem, because it is only God that can give wisdom, you are highly welcome in Jesus' name.

However, uncle, have you contacted the security company as to let them know that you are back, so that the transaction will proceed? We want to come over to meet you in your country so that we shall learn from you. Please, if you have contacted them, kindly reach them so that we shall claim what belong to us.

Above all uncle, we need your picture so that we shall see your face as to enable us know who where are dealing with, please reply urgently.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: My photograph

Sent: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:41:29

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email and for your kind words about my poetry. It is nice to know that there is someone out there who appreciates my art.

You asked for my photograph. I have attached it to this email. It is a photograph of me in happier days, when I was asked to present a poetry award to students at the University of Cleethorpes. People used to appreciate me then.

I will contact the security company as you asked and see what we need to do to move forward. Do you know if Mr Newman is a poetry aficionado?

You did not tell me how you and your brother are. Please let me know if you are well or not. How is your job going?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I am back!

Sent: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:39:51

Dear Mr Newman,

A quick email to let you know that I am now back at home after my trip to America, and am ready to move forward with my business relating to my dear deceased business partner, Mr Philip Bakayoyo. Could you please tell me how we can move forward?

Also, you did not respond to my last email in which I asked how I should address you. Should I be addressing you as "Sir John", or are you happy for me to call you "Mr Newman"?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. May I ask, do you enjoy poetry?

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: GLOBAL SECURITY COMPANY MANAGEMENT CI

Sent: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 00:44:02 +0200 (CEST)

ATTENTION TO GILBERT MURRAY,

YOUR MESSAGES WAS RECEIVED, THE COMPANY THANK YOU AND FOR THE EFFORTS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER HAVE MADE IN THIS COMPANY. YES I RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE, YOU CAN CALL ME SIR JOHN OR SIR NEWMAN, IN THIS TWO NAMES, ANY ONE THAT PLEASES YOU CALL ME OK, HOW WAS YOUR TRIP, HOPE IT IS WELL.

REGARDING ON HOW TO MOVE FORWARD WITH YOUR BUSINESS, AS THE COMPANY INFORMS YOU EALIER THAT YOU ARE REQUIRED TO MAKE A CHANGING OF THE BENEFICIARY NAME INTO YOUR OWN NAME WHICH GIVES YOU THE LEGAL RIGHTS/PROVES YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED PERSON, YOUR PARTNER MR PHILIP BAKAYOKO. THE PROCEDURES/REQUIREMENTS FOR THE CHANGE OF NAME ARE AS FOLLOWS:

YOUR FULL NAME AND CONTACT ADDRESS INCLUDING YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS WHICH YOU'VE ALREADY SENT.
YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT NUMBER OR DRIVER LICENCE NUMBER.
LEGAL PROCESSING FEE OF 5,500 EUROS ONLY FOR THE PROCESSING AND OBTAINANCE OF THE CHANGE OF NAME DOCUMENT IN YOUR NAME BY OUR LEGAL ATTACHE WHICH GIVES YOU THE LEGAL RIGHTS/ACCESS TO THE CONSIGNMENT.

UPON CONFIRMATION OF THE ABOVE REQUIREMANTS, OUR LEGAL ATTACHE WILL PROCEED TOWARDS MAKING THE CHANGE OF NAME WHICH IS DONE WITHIN 24 HOURS.

YOU ARE HEREBY REQUIRED TO SEND THE MONEY THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY AGENT TRANSFER TO US FOR THAT IS THE QUICKEST WAY WE CAN RECEIVE MONEY, WITH THE FOLLOWING NAME:

NAME: AMBROSE LOUIS

COUNTRY: COTE D'IVOIRE

CITY: ABIDJAN

AS SOON AS YOU TRANSFER THE MONEY WITH THE ABOVE NAME, SEND THE RECEIVING INFORMATIONS TO US THROUGH OUR MAIL BOX FOR AVOIDANCE, AND FOR QUICK SERVICE.

IMPORTANT, NOTE: WE DO SHIP CONSIGNMENT OVERSEAS FOR PEOPLE WHO IS UNABLE TO COME FOR CLEARING BY DIPLOMAT.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVE A GOOD BUSINESS CO-OPERATION WITH YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

SIR JOHN NEWMAN

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: A query

Sent: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 12:22:27

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email, regarding my regrettably dead business partner, Mr Philipe Banayoko, who I have to say, I miss terribly. We were very close partners. Although nothing unnatural, you understand? We were like brothers. Dealing in the pressured world of international cocoa trading is just not the same without him.

I note that once again you wrote your email in CAPITAL LETTERS, which made it rather difficult to read. When you respond to this email I would appreciate it if you could try to write it without using quite so many capital letters. It would look so much neater, you know.

I hope you have noticed that I have started to refer to you as "Sir John". I trust this is acceptable. It must be great, being a Lord of the Realm. You asked for my passport number. It is 037639887.

Regarding the "legal processing fee", I have to say that 5,500 Euros sounds rather steep for a single document. I have dealt with legal matters in the past in this country and nothing has ever cost me anything like so much. Could you please explain why the fee is so high?

I cannot remember if I have mentioned this to you already, but I am a full-time poet. Below is a short poem which shows the depth of my feelings towards my old business partner. I am very proud of it and think it is one of my finest works. Being a Lord of the Realm, you must be a man of taste who appreciates the finer things in life. This being so, I would appreciate your thoughts on my poem. Any constructive criticism you may have would be gratefully appreciated.

"ODE TO PHILIPE BANAYOKO"

Dealing in cocoa

Is almost a no-go

Without the know-how

Of Philipe Banayoko

Whose knowledgeable say-so

In dealings of cocoa

Made everything just so

And numbers of problems so low

Oh Philipe I miss you

As I wield my garden hoe

I think of where you are now

In heaven-a-go-go.

I have to admit that I did find it difficult to come up with enough rhymes to make the poem work, but I don't think it matters too much. Would you agree?

I look forward to your response, and to meeting you in your charming country. I also look forward to visiting my dear old business partner's grave, and placing a few cocoa beans on it in remembrance. They were, after all, his favourite plant.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I have contacted the security company

Sent: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 12:24:33

Dear Queeneth,

How are you, my dear? A quick email to let you know that I have just contacted the security company, and things seems to be going smoothly.

I am peppering my emails to the security company with some personal details about your father (I am making them up, of course), to make it appear that we were very close. This should make them believe that we were business partners.

I do hope that you and your poor brother are well. How is life in the refugee camp treating you?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I have not heard from the security company

Sent: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 08:54:29

Dear Queeneth,

Although I contacted the security company yesterday, I have not heard back from them yet. I hope that everything is alright. I even sent that nice Mr Newman a lovely poem, which I was very proud of.

I have not heard from you either, my dear, since I sent you my photograph. Are you and your impoverished brother okay? Please let me know how you are. I am beginning to worry about you both.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Have you managed to think of a rhyme for "orange" yet? I am still stuck on that poem, and it is really beginning to irritate me now. If I can't think of a rhyme for "orange", I might have to change the whole conceit behind the poem and start referring to another kind of fruit. But I would rather not have to do that if I can help it.

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Acknowledgement

Sent: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 18:23:05 +0200 (CEST)

Attention to Gilbert Murray,

The company received your mail. Regarding your question requirements, yes, the processing fee to obtain the affidavit of changing of beneficiary/name in your name is 5,500 Euros, it is for both legalising and stamp duties also of course you know that a principal attorney will be involved who will represent here, to get the paper work in your name, from the ministries involved, this is a government company, I cannot change the agreement of the government for it is them that put me where I am today, hope you understand my point.

Coming to where it matters a lot, Mr Gilbert Murray, I can see that you are a good poem writer, wa oo!! That's interesting, in Africa here, anybody like you, we called that person a wisdom man, I am very excited reading the story concerning your business partner, you really miss him, I have seen that you are very good to your business partner Mr Philip Bakayoko.

Finally, as soon as you transfer the money, send the information to us to proceed immediately.

Well, we shall wait till we hear from you.

Yours in service,

Sir John Newman

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Please reply soon!!

Sent: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 18:53:55 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Uncle,

Thanks for your message, although there was a little delay, uncle it is because of the illness of my brother, he have not eating since two days now, that is why I have not been able to write. Uncle, how are you today? Hope you are fine.

Above all, we are very happy concerning the progress of the transaction, we are well pleased to value you as a uncle to us, we can even call you our papa, means Dad, we so much appreciate you for all the efforts you are making towards this transaction, and your concern about our life and living, may God almighty reward you in all your endeavours (Amen).

Meanwhile, the picture you sent to us was received, we thank you for that at least now we have seen your face, Dad, we are well pleased to have you as our business partner, thanks once again and God bless you and family. Please sir, try to be reaching us with the informations and your arrangement with the security company so that we can be following it up from here.

Dad, as I told you concerning the illness of my brother, please, it is now we need your assist mostly, because my brother need to be treated with a good medical doctor, maybe over there in UK, because I don't want to lose him now, he is the only one beside me now, by tomorrow, I shall be going to the security company to see Sir John Newman.

Concerning your question? We know Sir Newman, he is a very good man, the first time my brother was sick, he is the one that took him to the hospital and pay the doctors charges, he is a very good man to us. But uncle, why did you ask? Please try to reply quickly, I will be checking mail later in the day OK.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes to you and family,

Queeneth

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Re: Acknowledgement

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 10:52:06

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email, and for explaining matters to me so well. Regarding the payment that I must make, I was actually hoping to be able to come over to the Ivory Coast to arrange these matters. I have rather a lot of time on my hands at the moment, and I feel that a journey to a country such as yours would provide me with a good deal of inspiration for my poetry. Would it be possible for me to pay you the fee in person rather than bother with transferring the money? I always prefer to do things in person if at all possible.

Thank you for your kind words regarding my poetry. So, in Africa I would be regarded as a "wisdom man", would I? I rather like that. I think I shall start signing myself as that. It sounds very good.

Your remark about me being a "wisdom man" has inspired me to write another short poem. I hope you like it. I am very proud of it and think it is one of my finest works.

"WISDOM MAN"

Wisdom man

Write poems can

Write very good verse

Either long or terse

Write words that rhyme

Most of the time

Wisdom man

A poet man

Is what I am.

Please let me know about the fund.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Thank heavens you are alright

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 10:54:48

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear that your brother is ill. I do hope it is nothing too serious. I have heard that you can catch a number of dreadful diseases over in Africa. It isn't anything terrible like Ebola, is it?

I have heard back from Sir John, and we are in the process of working out the best way to pay the fee that is required. Sir John (who likes my poems, by the way, and told me that in Africa I would be known as a "Wisdom Man") has suggested that I transfer the money, but I think it would be easier all round if I pay the fee in person when I come to visit the Ivory Coast. Seeing as I will have to visit anyway, this seems to make sense to me.

Please give my best regards to your poor sick destitute brother. Here's a tip for you: I have heard that echinacea is useful for warding off illness. That or a rabbit's foot around the neck, which my mother used to swear by. Echinacea is kinder to rabbits, so I'd recommend that.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Our Papa is a wisdom man!!!!

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 15:16:35 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

Many thanks for your message and also your concern about the illness of my brother, the doctor said that it is stomach ulcer, as for now papa, it's not everything he eats, I am only trying my best to see that he gets OK. I know that our father almighty God will not allow anything to happen to him, he is the only thing I have that makes me happy.

Above all, as I told you that I will be going to the security company this morning to meet with Sir John Newman, I went to the company this morning and I was able to see Sir Newman. Sir Newman told me about the money the company requested that we should pay, he said that it is for changing of ownership into your own name, your suggestion to come over with the money is a very good idea, but the director advised that it will be more easier for you to transfer the money to them so that they will start working before your arrival.

He also advised that you need to hold the documents as the new beneficiary on your hand before coming, he said that that is the only thing that will grant access entering the company upon your arrival, so he advised that as soon as they are through with the documents, that they will send it to you and you will be coming down with it.

So, papa, you have to transfer the money to them, so that they will start working for us please, we are tired of staying here, we are acceptional of this kind of situation we are into. Please do according to their advice so that we will not find it difficult upon your arrival, we pray that the God of the orphan will show his might hand of divine intervention in this transaction. Papa, Mr John Newman was explaining to me that it seems like you are a good man, the way you talk to them, and I told him that he can count on you.

Please, you should get back to us as soon as you are through with them, please know what you can do now for you know, time is not on our side, may the almighty God bless you and your entire family.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Global Security Company Management CI

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 17:53:29 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Gilbert Murray,

The Company Received Your Mail Dated 18/10/03.

Regarding Your Arrangement, The Daughter Of Your Partner Named Queen, She Is Here This Morning And I Explain To Her That It Is The Constitution Of The Company That A New Beneficiary Have To Change His Name First Of All Before Anything Because It Is The Affidavit Of Oath In Your Name That Will Grants The Access Of Entering This Company, Without That, You Cannot Be Invited To This Company, For You Know The Rules Of The Security Managements In The Whole World. So The Money Have To Be Transferred To Us And After The Money Have Been Received Our Legal Attache Will Proceed To You Within 24 Hours, Means That The Certificate On Your Name Will Be Sending To You And You Are Required To Be Coming With The Document To Our Company At Your Own Confidence Time, Hope You Understand My Point? I shall Be Calling You Wisdom Man Because People Like You Are Honourable Here In Africa.

I Enjoy The Second Poem You Wrote It Is Interesting.

So My Dear Wisdom, You Already Have The Name For The Transfer, But I Am Giving It To You Again, Find It Below:

Name: Ambrose Louis

Country: Cote d'Ivoire

City: Abidjan

We Remain The Best At Your Service.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Please do not worry - everything is in hand

Sent: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 21:54:37

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I am most pleased to hear that your poor brother does not have anything serious like Ebola. That is a great comfort to me. You say that your brother is the only thing that makes you happy. That is how I look upon my poetry. However, it may be a good idea for you to find a hobby, so that you have more than one thing that keeps you happy.

Perhaps you could try writing a poem? It might make you happy like it makes me happy. Go on, give it a try - why not try writing a poem about your beloved Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"? I would love to read it. If it helps, words you could rhyme with "Murray" include "hurry", "curry" and "slurry".

I understand your points about transferring the money. Do not worry. I will arrange everything with that nice Sir John and keep you informed. We will have you and your sick brother out of that refugee camp before you know it, my dear.

I look forward to reading the poem you write about me.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

PS. Have you thought of a rhyme for "orange" yet? I am still stuck on my poem.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Message understood

Sent: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 21:58:51

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. You certainly have an interesting way with capital letters. Do you have a faulty computer keyboard?

I understand what you are saying. Of course I will be able to transfer the money to you before I travel to the Ivory Coast. Could you please remind me of the method with which I should transfer the money? Please accept my apologies, but I am new to the world of international finance. I am sure this must seem simple to you, but I need a little help with this sort of thing.

I look forward to your prompt response, and shall act as soon as I receive it.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Awaiting For The Information

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 03:15:17 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Wisdom Man,

The Company Received Your Mail.

See Below For Details:

Name: Ambrose Louis

Country: Cote d'Ivoire

City: Abidjan

Awaiting For The Information.

We Remain The Best At Your Service,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I think we have our wires crossed

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 09:23:21

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. However, I think we have our wires crossed. I fear I did not make myself clear in my previous email. I am aware who I should transfer the money to - you have kindly told me this a number of times; what I wanted you to tell me was how I should transfer the money. This is not something I have done before, so step-by-step instructions would be useful. Is this something I can do via my bank, or should I consult with my lawyer?

Thanking you in advance.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Read With Careful

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 15:02:35 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Gilbert Murray.

The company have received your message dated 20/10/03.

Read With Careful, You Are Hereby Required To Send The Money Through Western Union Money Agent Transfer In Your Country, And You Are Also Required To Transfer The Money To The Company Directly, You Are Required To Transfer The Money With The Name We Gave To You, And After You Have Send The Money Successfully, Forward To Us The Information To Receive It To Us Through Our Mail Box. I Hope You Can Understand Better Now.

The Name Is As Follows:

Name: Ambrose Louis

Country: Cote d'Ivoire

City: Abidjan

This Are The Informations You Are Required To Use In Transferring The Money To us, Thanks.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Thank you for the information

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 14:13:04

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I understand now. However, all this business about "Western Union" and transferring money sounds terribly complicated. Would it be possible to get the money to you in some other, simpler way? Do you accept travellers' cheques, for example? Please let me know.

I wrote a poem this morning. As you obviously appreciate my poetry so much, I have sent you a copy. I hope you enjoy it. I am very proud of it and I think it is one of my finest works. It was inspired by my breakfast. You may notice that it does not rhyme or scan. This is not a mistake; it is written in what we poets call "free verse", which means that it does not have to rhyme or scan. Which makes things a bit easier.

"BREAKFAST"

Breakfast, the first meal of the day

The meal that we eat as soon as we awake

Or a little bit later

Oh, fine eggs a-frying in the pan

Careful, don't overdo them or they'll go rubbery

And that won't be nice

Crusty soldiers buttered and ready to be dipped

And marmalade too

But breakfast wouldn't be breakfast

Without a nice cup of tea

In a way, breakfast is like life

Nice while it lasts, but like all good things, it has to end

In a depressing debris of egg shell and toast crumb and tea stains on the cloth

And when it's over all the debris is tossed aside

And forgotten about

Like me.

Please let me know if travellers' cheques are alright with you and I will arrange the payment directly.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We hope to hear from you soon

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 18:07:44 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

Thanks for your message, I have read and all the content is well noted thanks. I am happy to hear that everything is under control, papa, this show me that you love us so much, and you want us to live. May the God almighty in heaven see you through in all your endeavours, I shall try to write as you have instructed.

Moreover, the bible makes us to understand, in Daniel 1 vs 4, it's said young men in whom there was no blemish but good looking gifted in all wisdom possessing knowledge and quick to understand who had ability to serve in the king's palace and whom they might teach the language and literature of the chaldeans.

This is what you are because God almighty has given you that which calls wisdom, you should know that it is a gift from God, not from man, happy are the day that we shall see face to face, we shall be waiting to hear from you as soon as possible.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Thank you for your kind comments

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 17:32:48

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email, and for your kind comments. I must admit, I was rather bowled over by them. I don't think anyone has ever commented on my appearance and my intelligence quite so favourably as you. You will make me blush.

You are obviously a very well-read young lady. Well, you obviously have a good knowledge of the bible at least. Please, make me the happiest man alive and put your undoubted literary talents to good use, by composing a poem about your Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man".

Send it to me tomorrow, my dear, please. I cannot wait to read it. By your writing, I suspect you may have a gift that you did not know you possessed.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

PS. Still no rhyme for "orange"? You must let me know as soon as you think of one.

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Attention To Wisdom Man

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 18:35:37 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Wisdom Man.

Your Message Was Received.

Regarding Your Request, For You To Send Travellers' Cheques To Us While It Is You That Send The Money Have The Access To Pull It Here In Our Country, So It Is Not Advisable That You Should Send Travellers' Cheques To Us Because It Is The Same Thing Together With Your First Suggestion By Coming With The Requested Amount. Coming To Your Comment, What Do You Mean About All This Business About Western Union? Is It illegal In Your Country? Listen My Friend, You Are Making Issue To Be Complicating For You, Follow The Instruction Which Company Have Given To You OK, For We Know Better. Hope You Were Full Of Wisdom, Then Why Do You Find Things Hard To Understood? The Company Will Be Expecting The Payment Info ASAP.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Western Union

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 10:58:10

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email.

The reason I was finding things hard to understand was that I have never transferred money via Western Union before. This may be all in a day's work to you, but my day's work involves composing fine poetry, not transferring money around the globe. In the same way that you would probably find it extremely difficult to compose such excellent poetry as mine, I am finding it difficult to understand the world of international finance. Please bear with me. I have never even heard of "Western Union" before.

However, I now think I understand. I have found out that my local bureau de change operates as a Western Union Money agent, so I shall head into town as soon as I can to make the payment. Then maybe we can get this show on the road, and get poor Queeneth Balayoko out of that awful refugee camp that her and her brother are rotting in.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your kind response

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 14:44:21 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

Thanks for your swift response. I am very happy for all the efforts you are making towards this transaction. I am not surprised because there is nothing prayer cannot do, we fasted and pray and God almighty answers our prayer by directing you to us, may God bless you for us, because we have a lot to learn from you when we come over.

Above all, uncle, I am just coming back from the hospital where my brother was admitted, praise be to almighty God that he is recovering. I am composing the poem that I will send to you now, and as soon as I finish composing it, I will forward it to you immediately. However, papa, what are your conclusion with the security company because you did not mention anything concerning that at all, please kindly let us know the conclusion of the whole plans so that we shall know our stand.

Papa, you are as much aware that you are a father to us now because you know that we did not have anybody to call papa or mama, all our hope lays on you. If you know the kind assistance which you will render to your children, please extend that to us and accommodate us as your family members, please get back to us as to let us know your entire plans with the security organisation, thanks and may God bless you in all your endeavours.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: The progress of the transaction

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 15:47:21

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your lovely email. I am delighted to hear that you are composing a poem about me. I cannot wait to read it. Given the quality of your prose, I am sure that your talent in poetry will almost equal mine.

Regarding the security company, everything is all worked out. I now know how to transfer money via Western Union, and will be doing so as soon as I can get into town. I would go into town sooner, but I have been sitting at my desk all afternoon trying desperately to complete the poem I told you about earlier, about an orange. But I still cannot find a rhyme for "orange". I am no quitter, so I am determined not to leave the house until I have forced myself to complete the poem.

I feel that I have some kind of creative block holding me back. Any assistance you can give me with possible rhymes for "orange" would be most appreciated, and would speed up the process immensely.

Send me the poem you are writing as soon as possible, my dear! It may inspire me to be able to complete this poem, after which I will set off into town and sort out the business with the money transfer.

Best regards to you and your poor, destitute, sick (but happily recovering) brother.

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The poem!!!!!

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 18:02:02 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa our wisdom,

Many thanks for your message. I have read and all the content is well noted. I have also understand the level of the transaction now, papa, we can't wait to meet with you upon your arrival. Below is the poem I told you about.

Compliment of the season

Date of joy, time of chance

Period of romance, time of sex

Date 21-10-2003

Thanks, thanks, I give you thanks

For all what you have done

Father papa is a wisdom man

Gifted by the almighty God

Uncle uncle, papa papa

The joy of your wisdom is our strength

In UK, the helper of our life is in UK

He promise to help and he went to America

For how long is he going to stay and the stone

That was rejected became the head corner stone

Uncle papa our father wisdom is strength

Nature will clearly reveal itself if only

We appreciate it.

Papa, I hope you will also enjoy my own poem, please don't laugh at me, OK. Finally, papa, please try your best to conclude with the security company today so that before the weekend we shall be expecting your arrival, thanks and may God almighty bless you and your entire family.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The Company Have Received Your Mail Dated 21/10/03

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 18:21:00 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Gilbert Murray,

Wisdom Man,

The Company Have Received Your Mail Dated 21/10/03.

This Mail Is To Let You Know That The Company Have Received Your Mail, We Shall Wait For The Information As Soon As You Do That.

We Still Remain The Best At Your Service.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Your poem

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 09:46:58

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email, and for sending me the poem. While I am pleased that you are flexing your creative muscles, I have to say that I was somewhat shocked to find that a poem with such offensive content has come forth from the pen of one so young. "Period of romance, time of sex" - this is rather crude writing for a girl of your age. Pornographic filth like this could give people the wrong idea about you.

However, despite this, I have to say that the poem does have its merits. I particularly like your use of metaphor in writing about "the stone that was rejected". I don't know what on earth you mean by that, but it is a pleasing image nonetheless.

All in all, my dear, I think you are to be congratulated on your first attempt at verse (apart from the objectionable line about sex). If I may say so, your poetry, in common with your prose, has a rather Joyceian quality about it. Like Joyce, your refusal to be constrained by the accepted rules of written English, while sometimes challenging, is very liberating.

You should seriously consider writing more, and perhaps submitting your poetry to a local magazine to see if you can get it published.

If you do write more, I would be more than happy to publish your works once we have completed this transaction and I have set up my own poetry publishing house. You could find yourself in print, my dear.

Now, I must return to the poem about the orange, which is still confounding me. I just cannot come up with a final line, as I cannot think of a suitable word that rhymes with "orange". But I am determined to finish this poem before I move on to anything else.

Maybe if I show you the poem as it is so far, it will help you come up with a rhyme that I can use to complete it. Here it is:

"THE ORANGE"

Big, round, like an orange coloured ball

Which is the most excellent fruit of them all?

I'll give you a clue, it is not the grape

Which although quite nice, does not quite make the grade

Nor is it the kumquat, which is too strange to win

Nor is it the coconut, its flesh hidden within

A hard dark brown shell with hairs all over it

And it isn't the apple, though I like them quite a bit

And it isn't the banana, which although very fine

Can be a little difficult to get into some of the time

No, the most excellent fruit is without doubt the orange

And I cannot think of the last line. Please help me, my dear.

As soon as I have completed this poem, I will head into town and sort out the money transfer for the security company via Western Union.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Papa, I am sorry for the inconvenience

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 18:28:50 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

Many thanks for your message, papa. I am sorry for making that comment, time of sex, time of romance, please accept my kindly apology, it is because the level of our education. You know, since the death of our parent, we are school-less. Then till now, I have not even written a poem for even one day, that is my first experience in the words of poem. Please accept my apology concerning the words that said that the rejected stone by the builders have become the head stone of the corner, hope you told us that your trip to America was terrible, you said that they laughed and some people was walking out from the hall.

I meant that you was rejected by people in America, but our God did not forget about you, you remain what you are by his grace, please don't be discouraged because of that of my poem. Below is another poem, but you have to consider that uneducated, for we will like to continue our education as soon as we come over to your country. Read:

Orange is a natural fruit

Prepared by our father in heaven

What sweet orange is this

It is sweet natural nourishment

I love orange, sweet orange from heaven

That is natural, mango is a fruit

Pineapple is a fruit, but what materials

Was made with orange, that sweet like this

It is orange that comes from our father in heaven

Taste and lick, feel healthy, orange, orange

From heaven, it is the best, orange

Taste and see that orange is sweet

The sweetness of orange can heal the sick

Love orange, taste orange, Ronaldo taste

Orange, Figo taste orange, Beckham taste orange

Okocha taste orange, you see that orange

Give strength to play football, to jump high

Mummy, I need orange, dad buy orange, OK, OK!!

Son, this is orange, mum, I love orange, thanks dad for

Your love, but mum, taste orange and be like me.

I hope you will like this, don't laugh at me uncle when you read this poem because of the level of my education. Finally uncle, please, you have to understand that we need to get out from this place so that we can continue our education, kindly conclude your arrangement with the security organisation so that we shall know when you are coming to take us along to UK. The doctor that was treating my brother needs money, but I shall try and see what I can do to settle that. Please papa, our hope lays on you for we are helpless here in this country, kindly get back to us as to let us know if you like the poem, and also for the information concerning the security company.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes to you and family,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I am astonished by your poem

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 17:54:38

Dear Queeneth,

I am absolutely astonished by your poem. I thought that your first poem was outstanding, but this one is even more noteworthy! And, I have to say, it makes my poem about oranges seem like the pitiful attempt of an illiterate buffoon. You are a poet, Queeneth! I'll bet you never knew you had such talents hidden deep within you.

Nice to see that there was no foul language in this one too.

Congratulations on your poetry, my dear. And on your knowledge of football players, which must be rather unusual amongst girls your age. I would have expected boys to know so much about football players, but not you. I imagine you are just a bit of a tomboy.

Regarding "the stone that was rejected" in your first poem. I see what you were getting at now. The stone was me, your poor rejected Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man". Suddenly it all becomes clear.

Now that I have been bowled over by your magnificent poem about oranges, I have screwed up my own pathetic unfinished poem and thrown it on the fire. It is not worth finishing it now. How could I possibly better your marvellous paean to that noble fruit? In fact, I wonder if it is worth writing any more poetry at all, knowing that there is such a talent as yours out there? Maybe not.

Well, now that my brain is no longer preoccupied by my poem about oranges, I shall travel into town first thing tomorrow morning and make the money transfer to the security company.

You have a rare talent, my dear. Make use of it.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I have made the payment

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 10:47:38

Dear Sir John,

I am pleased to be able to tell you that I travelled into town today and made the payment (5,500 Euros) to you via my local Western Union office. Although they seemed to be experiencing a few computer problems when I arrived, I was surprised to see how easy the whole process was. I cannot believe it is so simple to send money half way around the world.

Here are the details I believe you will need to collect the money:

Sender's name: Mr Gilbert Arnold Murray

Receiver's name: Ambrose Louis

Test question: Nickname?

Answer: Wisdom Man

Please let me know when you have received the money. By the way, the Western Union agent asked me to advise Ambrose Louis to take identification with him when he collects the money. Apparently it makes things easier. But you probably know that already.

What is our next step? I take it you will now be able to assign my name to the consignment in question? Please let me know.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Excellent news!

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 13:44:06

Dear Queeneth,

A quick email to let you know that I went into town this morning and have made the payment to the security company, as per Sir John's instructions. Hopefully this means that you and your ailing brother will not have to stay much longer in your refugee camp.

I have asked Sir John to respond to me and let me know what our next step is. I will keep you informed.

Have you been inspired to write any more poems today, by the way? Now that you have discovered your hitherto-unknown talent, you must not let it wither on the vine.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: There Is A Mistake

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 15:56:00 +0200 (CEST)

Attention to Wisdom Man,

Received Your Mail, My Secretary Have Gone To The Western Union With The Information You Sent To Us, Unfortunately The Bank Is Unable To Pull The Money, That Means That The Information You Sent To Us Was Not Correct, The Control Number Is Not There, So Go And Find Out What The Problem Is, And Send The Information Correctly To us. Thanks.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Re: There Is A Mistake

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 15:13:28

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I am most concerned to hear that you have experienced problems accessing the money that I transferred. The cashier at my local Western Union branch did mention to me at the time that I made the transfer that they were experiencing some technical problems. Maybe this is the cause of your problems.

And of course, I forgot to send you the control number. Please accept my apologies, but I am rather new to this.

The control number you need is 4285993701. The other information is as I gave you in my last email.

Please let me know as soon as your secretary has collected the money and let me know how we can proceed from here.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: It is The Same Mistake!!!

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 18:23:06 +0200 (CEST)

Attention Wisdom Man,

We Have Tried To Receive The Money But Is Also The Same Thing. I Advise That You Go Direct To The Western Union And Ask Them What The Problem Is, Maybe As You Said That They Were Having Computer Problem, Maybe That Is The Cause Of It, So What You Have To Do Now Is To Go Straight To The Western Union Agent And Find Out The Problem.

We Shall Be Waiting FOR The Information, But This Time, You Should Do It Correctly.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir Newman

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks For The Excellent news!

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 09:32:36 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Papa,

Thank you very much for your kindness and all the efforts you have been making for ever since this transaction have started, thanks and may the almighty God see you through in all your endeavours, Amen.

However, I don't know that the poem is good up to this extend that you are taking about it, OK. I am composing another poem that I will send to you. Thanks for all you have done, should I go to see Sir John Newman, what is the next step now, have you heard from them, please advise me sooner so that I will know if to and meet him or not.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Please accept my apologies

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 17:34:07

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I am most distressed to hear that you are still unable to collect the money that I transferred to you this morning. I do not know why you are unable to collect the money - as I have said, I have not transferred money in this way before. Unfortunately, my local Western Union branch will be closed by the time I am able to get into town tonight. However, I will go into town first thing tomorrow morning and sort this out. I can only think that their computer problems have stopped the transfer from going through.

Once again, I apologise, but I think that this is Western Union's fault, and not mine. I will email you as soon as I return from town tomorrow morning, hopefully with all the information you need to collect the money.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: There has been a slight hitch

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 17:39:21

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately there has been a slight hitch - it appears that Western Union are having some technical problems with their computers - which means that Sir John has not been able to collect the money that I transferred this morning.

My local branch of Western Union is now closed for the night. Do not worry though - I will go there first thing tomorrow morning and get things sorted out.

We will have you out of that refugee camp before too long, trust me.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

PS. I look forward very much to receiving your next poem - do send it to me as soon as you have completed it. What subject have you chosen to write about?

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Things should be sorted out now

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 10:49:51

Dear Sir John,

I travelled into town first thing this morning and got to the Western Union office as soon as it opened. I explained the problems you had been having to the agent, who explained to me that Western Union has been having problems with its computer network in the UK, and that some money transfers have "got lost" in the system.

The agent was extremely helpful. She apologised profusely for any inconvenience, then made a telephone call to their Technical Centre in London, who have apparently sorted everything out. Your secretary should now therefore be able to collect the money without any problems at your local Western Union branch.

Here, again, are the details your secretary will need to collect the money:

Sender's name: Mr Gilbert Arnold Murray

Receiver's name: Ambrose Louis

Test question: Nickname?

Answer: Wisdom Man

Control number: 4285993701

The agent advised me that in order to be absolutely sure of being able to collect the money, your secretary must ensure that they take along suitable identification.

To be on the safe side, she also gave me a telephone number that your local Western Union agent should call if they still have problems with this transfer. This should not be necessary, but if your Western Union agent still encounters problems, please get them to call +44 (0)20 74088091 (this is a London number) and give full details of the money transfer, including the name and address of the person receiving the money. They should then be able to sort everything out.

Once again, please accept my apologies for this, but as you can see, it is not my fault.

Please let me know as soon as you have collected the money.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

The telephone number given is that of the US Secret Service within the US Embassy in London. The US Secret Service is actively trying to stamp out advance fee fraud.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Everything is in hand

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 13:52:06

Dear Queeneth,

A quick email to let you know that everything should now be sorted out and that Sir John should now be able to collect the money that I transferred to him via Western Union. My local Western Union agent told me that they had computer problems which had prevented the transfer from going ahead, but she assures me that she has solved them.

You still have not sent me your next poem. Do send it on as soon as you can my dear. I cannot wait to read it.

You may be interested to know that I am currently writing another poem. This one has been inspired by my dealings with you and Sir John. I will send it to your as soon as it is complete.

I hope you are well.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Urgent Attention

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 14:57:38 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Gilbert,

We Have Received The Informations, But It Is Still The Same Thing. I Want You To Tell Me, In What Country Do You Transfer The Money To? I Advised You To Make The Transfer To Country: Cote D'Ivoire, City: Abidjan, Postal Code: 00225. Please Make Sure That Everything Is Correct Before You Email The Information To Us. Thanks.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir Newman

NB. The Name You Are Advised To Use Is Ambrose Louis.

Country: Cote d'Ivoire

City: Abidjan

Postal Code: +225

Expecting To Hear From You Immediately You Legulet The Problems, Also I Want You To Send The Payment Slip By Attachment So That We Shall Know What The Problem Is.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Simply follow the instructions I gave you

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 14:14:26

Dear Sir John,

I am in receipt of your email. I have double-checked the payment details yet again, and I can assure you that the details I sent to you earlier today are correct in every way.

You cannot have done what I told you to do in my last email. So let me repeat what my Western Union agent recommended.

Your secretary should go to your local Western Union agent with full identification and the details I provided you with. If your Western Union agent still encounters problems accessing details of the money transfer using their computer system, you must get them to call +44 (0)20 74088091 and give full details of the money transfer, including the name and address of the person receiving the money. They should then be able to sort everything out.

I am sure that if you follow the advice of my Western Union agent, you will be able to collect the money this afternoon.

Unfortunately, I cannot send you a copy of the payment slip, as my scanner machine is broken and I do not have access to a fax. However, you should not need this. Simply follow the instructions above. It is not difficult.

Please let me know when you have successfully collected the money. To be perfectly frank, I am getting rather tired of sending you the same information over and over again.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Are you sure that Sir John is capable of this business?

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 14:34:49

Dear Queeneth,

I am writing to you in complete confidence.

Are you sure that Sir John is capable of conducting this business? He may well be a decent sort of chap who has helped you and your brother out in the past, but at the moment he seems incapable of following the simplest of instructions. I have passed on to him the instructions that my Western Union agent gave me, which detail how to access the money I transferred, but I don't think he has followed them properly. He can't have done. If he had done, he would have received the money by now.

Is there anyone else we can deal with? Perhaps Sir John has had a touch too much sun? Or maybe he likes the bottle a bit too much, if you see what I mean. He certainly has a most unusual way of using capital letters in his writing, which simply isn't normal.

Please, my dear, keep this to yourself. I would hate to hurt Sir John's feelings. But if there is a way we can pass this business over to someone more capable, I think it would be better for all concerned.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Yes papa he is

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 19:21:26 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

How are you today, together with your health which is the most important thing to me, hope you are fine.

We really appreciate you for all the efforts you have been making to see that this transaction is on progress, may the almighty God see you through in all your endeavours.

I am sadly to inform you that the illness of my brother is been developing worster since yesterday night. I have just coming back from the hospital right now, this is the reason why I have not been able finish composing the poem, but by the special grace of God, first thing tomorrow morning I will send it to you OK. I have read all the messages that you have sent to me, Yes, Sir John is well capable to deal with the transaction, no papa, he is well capable.

Moreover, first thing tomorrow morning, I will be going to the security company for enquiry, as to find out the wrong, OK. Papa, there is one thing I want you to know about Sir John Newman, not only that he have helped us, but he really want to help us out in this very transaction, please don't be discouraged, just take it easy with him, because he is an old man.

So sir, as soon as I come back tomorrow morning, I will write you to inform you the outcome of my discussion with him, OK. May the almighty God bless you and guide you in all your endeavours. Amen.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Attention To Wisdom Man

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 20:01:17 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Wisdom Man.

This Is To Let You Know That We Have Not Been Able To Receive The Money That You Have Sent, Listen Wisdom Man, Since We Have Been Receiving Money From All Our Client Till This Moment I have Never Experience This Kind One, It Is Not My Position Of Calling The Western Union Of Your Country, But I Still Request For That But They Refuse To Call Them, They Said That I Should Instruct The Sender To Legulet It With The Western Union Of The Country, I Want You To Go To The Western Union Tomorrow Knowing That This Issue Is Yours, Ask Them To Resend The Money And Change The Numbers That They Have Given To You At The First Place, Maybe, The Computer Problem Caused It, There Is Nobody To Be Blame Because I went There On Myself Including The Information You To Received The Money, Both With The Identification, To See What The Problem Is, Listen, If The Number Is Not Correct, The Name Must Appear, But At All Point, There Is No Appearance Of Both Name And Number, It Means That The Problem Is Still From Your Country.

Besides, I Will Like You To Call Me On My Direct Line Tomorrow If You Are In Up Town, + 225-07366254, After You Have Finally Legulet The Problem With The Western Union Agent, I Will Like You To Call Me Before Going Back Home, So That We Can Sort The Matter Once And For All. Thanks.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir Newman

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Urgent response

Sent: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 17:56:18 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

How are you today together with your health which is the most important thing to me, hope you are fine.

Meanwhile, I went to the security company this morning as I told you, and I was able to meet with Sir John Newman. I asked him why the money that our uncle have sent to him is not yet been received, he was a little bit angry, he said that they have gone to the Western Union for more than 5 times to receive the money but it was unable, he also said that he tried to explain to the Western Union here to call your own Western Union in your country, that they will find out the wrong, but the Western Union here said that it is not their duty to call others.

However, Sir John Newman also said that the Western Union here explained that it is the fault from the computer, right over there in your country, so please papa, you know that you are not doing this for Sir Newman. It's for our own good and not for any other person, we so much believed that this will be over before Monday, so that we shall know when you are coming for the finalising of the business, so that both of us will fly back to your country for our new life. Anyway, he said that they are still looking for to hear from you.

Please papa, try to understand Sir Newman. I want to ask you a question? This poem, is it only title of orange or can I write others? Below is the poem I told you about:

Oh yes, orange orange orange orange, in the kitchen

Kitchen in the house. O mum, o mum, my fruit, orange

Is my fruit, buy orange, buy orange, Michael Jackson

Buy orange, Ron Kenoley buy orange, Puff Daddy buy

Orange, for a good voice, buy sweet orange, for sweet

voice, buy orange, Ja Rule, I am TLC, my voice is

Very good because I love sweet orange fruit, I see you

When you lick orange, I see you lick orange, that is

My fruit, orange, anytime, anywhere, and any moment

Orange for my sweet voice, orange here I am, Celindon

Sweet orange, sweet voice, buy orange, buy orange

Druhill buy it now, to make your voice sweet OK, OK

That's good alright, OK now, orange, now orange, OK?

I hope you will like this best papa. I love to be with you so that you can teach much. I am now enjoying writing this poem because it gives me joy. Please, we are anxiously waiting for your urgent response.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Western Union problems and your poem

Sent: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 17:15:42

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I am very concerned to hear that Sir John is still having problems accessing the money I transferred. This is most annoying. His local Western Union office is not being very helpful, that's for certain.

You say he has been to the Western Union office five times? Poor man.

I will go into town first thing on Monday morning and have another word with my local Western Union office. Do not worry, we will get this sorted out one way or another.

Now, to your poem. I was slightly disappointed to see that, like your last poem, it was about an orange. I think you need to spread your literary wings a bit wider my dear girl. After all, you don't want to become pigeon-holed as "that girl that writes poems about oranges", do you?

Your poems are certainly unique. Why not try writing a poem about another subject?

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Western Union problems

Sent: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 17:20:51

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I am most distressed to hear about the problems you have been having trying to access the money I transferred. Queeneth says that you have visited your local Western Union office 5 times to try and get the money, but with no success. This will not do at all.

I have to say, the staff at your local Western Union office are not being very helpful, refusing to call the Western Union UK Technical Service Centre. I would write them a stiff letter of complaint if I were you.

No matter. I will go into town first thing on Monday morning and sort things out with my Western Union office. I will email you as soon as I have done so on Monday. We must get this matter resolved as soon as possible.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: OK

Sent: Sat, 25 Oct 2003 20:56:40 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Wisdom Man,

The Company Have Received Your Mail, I will Advise That You Should Make Sure That The Money Is Transferred To Country: Cote d'Ivoire, City: Abidjan, Code: 225, With The Name I Gave To You. I Am Too Concern About The Situation Of The Young Stars Here, We Shall Be Expecting The Information On Monday Morning As You Said.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management; Cc: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I have made a new money transfer

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 10:32:06

Dear Sir John,

I trust you had an agreeable weekend. My weekend was not too bad, but I did not sleep well - I lay awake at night worrying about the plight of poor dear Queeneth and her diseased brother, and the horrors they must be having to endure in the refugee camp.

As I promised, I travelled into town first thing this morning and went straight to my local Western Union office. I explained the problems that you have experienced in accessing the money that I transferred. When I mentioned that the staff at your Western Union office had flatly refused to call the number I passed on to you to sort the problems out, my local agent was most unimpressed. She told me that you would have been able to access the money there and then, had they called that number. She suggested that you should have been much more firm with them, and absolutely insisted that they call the number to sort out the problem.

My Western Union agent told me that they were fairly sure that their technical problems were now sorted out. Apparently the problems meant that a lot of money transfers from the UK failed to go through last week. Apparently they have replaced the faulty components of their computer network and are now in the process of testing the system.

Anyway, she very kindly cancelled the original money transfer, and set up a new money transfer. Here are the details that you will need to collect the money:

Sender's name: Mr Gilbert Arnold Murray

Receiver's name: Ambrose Louis

Test question: Nickname?

Answer: Wisdom Man

Control number: 4286496488

The agent assured me that there should be no problem this time. However, she told me that if you do encounter any problems at your local Western Union agent, you must ABSOLUTELY INSIST that they call +44 (0)20 74088091 to resolve the problem. If they refuse to do so, my agent told me that you can ask them to refer to "Western Union Agent Rule Number 64(b)", which apparently describes how agents should deal with technical problems. If they do not comply with this rule, they can be reported to Western Union's Head Office for breach of company rules, and will be at risk of losing their Western Union franchise.

Anyway, there should be no need for you to resort to such threats, as my agent assures me that everything should be fine.

Please let me know as soon as your secretary has collected the money. By the way, is Ambrose Louis a man or a woman? I had assumed that Ambrose was a man, but my Western Union agent queried it, saying that it sounded like a girl's name. Anyway, the sex of your secretary should not matter.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Your problems will soon be over

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 10:35:52

Dear Queeneth,

As you will already know by now, I have sorted out the problem with the Western Union money transfer this morning, and have sent the details of the new transfer on to Sir John. My Western Union agent was rather angry that Sir John had not insisted that his agent call the number she provided to me. It sounds like your local agent is being rather slack, and is not conforming to Western Union rules of conduct and customer care. If Sir John encounters any more problems like this in the future, he should be more firm with his local agent.

Anyway, our problems should now be solved, and Sir John should now be able to collect the money without any hitches. I hope this is the case - my trip into town this morning has interrupted my latest poem, about my relationship with you and Sir John. Such interruptions do not help the creative process, as I am sure a fellow poet like you can appreciate.

Anyway, I will return to my poem now, and wait to hear from Sir John. I look forward very much to meeting you and your brother soon my dear, when I travel over to the Ivory Coast.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

PS. I do hope your sick brother is not contagious? I would hate to catch some disgusting tropical disease off him when we meet.

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I am anxiously waiting, urgently

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 14:27:54 +0100 (CET)

Dear Papa,

Many thanks for your message. After reading your message this morning I rushed down to the security company to let Sir John know that you have corrected the mistake. Before I got there, I heard noise in his office. When I got into his office, I saw the President of the security company and Sir Newman, and immediately they saw me, they started shouting on me and they were saying that our consignment will be ceased because they have find out that the foreign business partner of our late father is playing with the company intelligence. Papa, they said that you are insulting them by sending them a fake informations of receiving the money you have transferred to them.

However, the President said that there is no computer problem in London, because they have received money from London from their client last week, please papa, email them and let them know that it is not your fault, they to know that it's the Western Union's fault because the President is very very angry. Please kindly email them so that we will not lose this money please, if the consignment is ceased, that means our life is over, there is no more hope for us, papa, we don't want to lose this money, so email them now please.

Moreover, I don't know why the bank in your country is finding it hard to transfer money to this place, I am so confuse papa, save us now please. Below is the new poem which I told you that I will compose.

The understand of wisdom, wisdom is the key master to rule, it is by wisdom kings rule, by wisdom, president rules, by wisdom creation was made, ambition is not a vision, imagination is like a dream, breakout, confirmation, natural instinction and inspiration.

Magnificently the glorious of the heaven, the energetic force of creation, the strength of the throne of grace, wisdom birth, success without tears, prosperity without perspiration, honour without struggle, victory without sweat, it is the connecting link between heaven and earth, the soul and the beauty of all creation, tool of discovery and recovery master key to all mysteries of life.

Papa, hope you will like this one, read and get back to us as soon as possible.

I am anxiously waiting because I am not alright with the words I heard from the company this morning. Please, papa, you can ask them if there is any other means to transfer the money to them apart from Western Union, than to continue encountering the same problem every day please?

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I do not understand what the problem is

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 13:38:24

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I have to say, I am very confused by what is going on. My local Western Union agent could not have been more helpful this morning and assured me that everything would be sorted out. Are you sure Sir John knows what he is doing? I am beginning to have my doubts about him.

Nevertheless, I shall email him straight away and see if we can sort this out.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

PS. Thank you for sending me your latest "poem". I do not wish to be rude, my dear, but it was terrible. Please do not let this put you off composing more poems, though - this is meant to be useful, constructive criticism.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management; Cc: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: What is going on?

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 13:43:53

Dear Sir John,

I have just received an email from dear little Queeneth, which I have found most perplexing. She says that you still have not been able to receive the money I sent. My local Western Union agent was extremely helpful this morning and assured me that the transfer would go through OK. Have you asked your local office to call the number I forwarded on to you? You can not have done so, otherwise you would have had the money by now.

What concerns me most is that Queeneth tells me that you are suggesting that I have been sending you false information. I am deeply offended at this ridiculous accusation. There is no need to blame me simply because Western Union have been experiencing technical problems, and your local Western Union office has been unhelpful.

Have you insisted that your local Western Union agent telephone the number I gave you?

I expect an apology for you, for bringing my reputation into disrepute. And I expect it by return.

If you are incapable of following my instructions and receiving the money via Western Union, is there another way I can get it to you? I am sure we would not have had these problems if I had sent you travellers' cheques, like I suggested.

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: President

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 15:36:53 +0100 (CET)

Attention To Gilbert Murray,

Listen very attentively, I am DR GEORGE EDWARD, the President of Global Security Company Management, Cote d'Ivoire. This company have been established for over 20 years now and nobody have ever embarrassed us in this way, we have been receiving money from our client all over the world, but we have never experience this kind one, are you trying to prove us wrong or what? What is the right of the Western Union here to start making calls abroad or accessing with the 64(b), their duty is to check numbers and names and pull out money to the receiver. If not because of the young stars here, I would have stopped this transaction, it is because I am a human, and I don't know where my children will go tomorrow because I can't live forever, if I do anything stupid with these children God will not be happy with me, so you should check yourself and know where you have gone wrong, OK? Now you can transfer the money through the company's bank account, and send the payment slip to us as soon as you made the payment. the account information is as follows:

Account name: George Edward

Account number: 0-231-35062858X

Swift code: BIAOCI CLE RIB:29

Bank code: 0231

Bank address: 8-10 Avenue Joseph Anoma 01 BP 1274 ABJ 01

OK, we shall then wait again and see what will happen this time.

We are the best at your service,

Dr George Edward

Global Security Company Management President

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Regarding your email

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 15:16:53

Dear Mr Edward,

Thank you for your email. I am extremely relieved that I can now speak to someone other than Sir John at your security company. Between you and me, Sir John may be an agreeable old stick, but I was seriously beginning to doubt his ability. Are you sure he is up to the job? Queeneth Bakayoko did mention to me that he was getting on a bit. Maybe it's time for him to be put out to grass, as it were.

He has a very strange way with capital letters too. Just thought it was worth mentioning. Might point to some other problem.

Anyway, to this transaction. This is the first time I have transferred money via Western Union, and I have been most dismayed at the problems that we have encountered. However, my local Western Union agent has been most helpful in trying to sort out the problem. It sounds as if your Western Union agent is the one at fault here - they do not seem keen to follow their own company procedures. I have already suggested to Sir John that he write them a stiff letter of complaint. I suggest the same to you.

As for your suggestion of transferring the money to you directly, I cannot do this immediately, as the money has already been transferred to you via Western Union. In order to transfer the money directly, I would first have to go into town and cancel the second Western Union money transfer.

Also, I am uneasy about transferring the money directly into the bank account you have nominated. This appears to be your personal bank account. I am sure your company auditors would not be happy about money from your clients going straight into your personal bank account. If you want me to transfer money into a bank account, please send me details of a company bank account, not your own personal one.

However, before we do this, I suggest that you try one more time to access the money via Western Union - because it is already there waiting for you. It is a simple matter of following the instructions that my local Western Union agent gave me, which I passed on to Sir John.

If your Western Union agent still refuses to call the number of the Western Union UK Technical Service Centre (and Western Union rules apparently state that they should do this), I suggest you call the number on your mobile telephone there and then in the Western Union office and sort the problem out in front of the Western Union agent.

For your information, the number is +44 (0)20 74088091.

I have to say, I am getting rather sick and tired of this whole business. Hopefully your personal intervention will put an end to the incompetent way in which this matter has been handled up to now.

Please let me know as soon as you have received the money.

One other thing. I heard from dear little Queeneth Bakayoko that you and Sir John had been impugning my integrity in your office. I have a reputation to uphold, and I asked Sir John for an apology. I am still expecting one.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: ok, i am writing to you now with small letters

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 18:09:17 +0100 (CET)

Attention To Gilbert Murray,

We have gone to the western union again and again, but it's still the same, i called you to be my friend and you are over there making wrong statements against me, you want the company to remove me from the company which i have been working before your business partner came to deposit the metallic box under this company, will you be feeding my family and taking care of them, well i thank you very much for that, it's my God that will reward you.

The president is now out of office, till tomorrow morning, he went for a meeting at the governmental house at platuax, so you can email him with this email address, address him as dr.georgeedward_967@hotmail.com.

The account information he gave to you is the bank account we use in receiving money always if it is in need, so you should go ahead and do what he asked you to do, stop making laws, you can't be over there telling us what to do over here, unless if you want this consignment to be inherited by the company, besides you have abused the company inteligency, the young stars is my concern and it is because of them that i have been handling this transaction, i would have look off so that the operation manager will continue, but i am so much concerned about what they are going through.

Go ahead and do what the president asked you to do, and don't argue with him, because he may get angry with you, he is ashe.

Yours faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I cannot believe that you still have not got the money

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 17:33:24

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I have to say, this is all very confusing. I send you an email and Mr Edward replies. I send Mr Edward an email, and you reply. I cannot wait to see who will reply to this email - the office cleaner, perhaps?

I am sorry if my comments to Mr Edward made you angry - you sound rather upset in your email. But my comments were meant for his eyes only. And I would not have made such comments had I not thought they were justified. Anyway, I am pleased to hear that Mr Edward will not be sacking you. Have you considered writing poetry? You may find that it helps to calm you down.

You say that I have "abused the company inteligency". I have to say that I have seen precious little evidence of any "inteligency" in your company since I started this business. However, I suppose if your company was as incompetent as it appears to be, it would have gone out of business by now, so perhaps things are not quite as bad as they seem.

I do not quite understand what you mean when you say that the President of your company is "ashe" - could you please explain what this means? To be quite honest, I could not care less if he gets angry with me. It is his incompetent staff he should be getting angry with, not me.

I cannot believe that you still have not got the money that I transferred. What can possibly be so difficult about this? I have told you exactly what to do, yet you obviously have not carried out my instructions. Have you considered training a baboon and employing it instead of your company secretary, who has failed time after time to collect the money? I am sure the baboon would show a good deal more competence, and it would undoubtedly be cheaper to employ - I am sure you have to pay this Ambrose Louis character considerably more than the few bananas the baboon would require.

Despite all these shenanigans, I will travel into town tomorrow morning and cancel the second Western Union money transfer. I will then go to my bank and transfer the money into the account you have specified. I am sure that my bank manager, Nathaniel West, will be able to help me out with this. I want you to be perfectly clear that I am only doing this out of a sincere desire to help young Queeneth and her unfortunate brother out of the poor situation in which they find themselves. Well, that and the prospect of a million dollars winging its way to me.

I will contact you tomorrow morning as soon as the transfer has gone through. See to it that you and your colleagues act with a touch more proficiency tomorrow, will you, there's a good chap?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

PS. I see you have got the hang of capital letters (more or less). Congratulations!

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: A cry for help please

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 20:13:15 +0100 (CET)

Dear Papa,

Good day sir. How are you doing!!! Papa, I want you to know that my brother's illness is not a contacted disease, it is an ulcer, the doctor said that he will not be eating anything that contains pepper. Papa, I want you to understand that God almighty is with us, that nothing shall by any means hurt us, the bible says that the joy of the lord is our strength.

However, we want to know if Sir John Newman later received the money you sent to them, please let us know, papa, I find it very difficult to access and pay for the internet, each letter I send to you, I always pay 5 thousand CFA. Papa, you know that I am still paying for hospital fee and buying tablets to my brother, you should consider that, papa, please bring out time and settle with the security company organisation so that this will all be over, also let us know when you are arriving so that we shall know our faith in waiting.

Please, we shall be waiting to hear from you soonest as to let us know how far you have gone with them.

I am composing another poem, so wait for it papa.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Re: A cry for help please

Sent: Mon, 27 Oct 2003 20:52:25

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I am extremely pleased to hear that your sickly brother does not have a contagious disease. Please pass on my congratulations to him.

Unfortunately, Sir John has not been able to collect the money that I transferred. To be honest, I am not sure quite what his problem is. I have passed on all the instructions that my local Western Union office gave me, but Sir John simply does not seem to be following them. If he followed my instructions to the letter, he would have the money by now. I have been exchanging emails with Sir John and with his boss, the President of the security company, today. I do wish your poor deceased father had lodged his consignment with a more competent security company. I have to say, the one I am dealing with seems to be staffed by idiots.

I have had to go to my Western Union office twice already. I am having to go there again tomorrow morning, to cancel the second transfer that I have arranged. I will then have to go to my bank and arrange to transfer the money direct. These fools at the security company are wasting my valuable time.

Queeneth, please have a word with Sir John and tell him to get his act together. The incompetence of him and his colleagues is really starting to annoy me. I do not like having my time wasted like this. On top of this, they have insulted me by doubting my word, and have not yet apologised. Part of me feels like giving up on this whole business.

Believe me, Queeneth, I have your best interests at heart. If Sir John and his colleagues at the security company had treated this business properly, I believe we would have had you out of the refugee camp by now. If Sir John and his colleagues do not buck their ideas up, I am afraid I am going to have to forget about this whole affair.

Anyway, please send me your latest poem as soon as it is complete. I look forward to reading it and finding out if it is an improvement on the last one you sent me. It could hardly be worse.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I have now transferred the money through the bank

Sent: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 09:38:43

Dear Sir John,

For your benefit, I will keep this email nice and simple, so that there can be no misunderstanding.

I went into town first thing this morning and cancelled the Western Union transfer. Western Union gave me the money back. I then went to my bank, and asked my bank manager, Nat West, how best to transfer this money to your security company. As I told Mr West that I wanted to get the money to you as soon as possible, he recommended that I transfer it using the Guaranteed International Money Provision Service (GIMPS). This cost me a little more than a standard bank transfer, but apparently using GIMPS means that the money is transferred instantly - it is similar in this respect to Western Union. However, as the money moves directly from one bank account into another, it is more secure than Western Union.

I accepted Mr West's advice, and have therefore transferred 5,500 Euros to the bank account nominated by Mr Edward yesterday. As I have transferred it using GIMPS, you can collect the money today.

The money does not appear automatically in the nominated bank account; for security reasons, you must go to your bank and fill in a GIMPS form to collect the money. Ask the cashier at your bank for a GIMPS form, and fill in the following details on the form. The cashier will then be able to access the money via the GIMPS network, and transfer it into the nominated account instantly:

Sending account name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Account number: 74053275

Sort code: 21-38-19

Account holding bank: Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK

GIMPS code: 23F-57T-674G

Please let me know as soon as you have been able to collect the money. And please, Sir John, try not to mess things up this time - I am getting extremely tired of this endless faffing around.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Be Careful, Mr Man

Sent: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 12:06:17 +0100 (CET)

Attention To Gilbert Murray,

Listen, Mr Murray, stop that nonsense, are you out of your mind? I am given you instruction what you are required to do, and you are trying to put me right in your own willing. Are you trying to teach me my job? Listen, that office is not existing here in Africa, go to your bank and withdraw that money and transfer it the way I asked you to do it, BIAO BANK INTERNATIONAL is an existing bank in Africa here, instruct them to transfer the money with the account information and after that they will give you a transfer slip which you will to us here, it is with that slip, we can be able to receive the money. Without that you should stop writing to this email address. Good bye.

We remain the best at your service.

Dr George Edward

President

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Go and collect the money

Sent: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 11:42:37

Dear Mr Edward/Sir John/whoever,

I am in receipt of your email. For god's sake, man, read my last email again, but read it carefully this time. You are missing the point completely. Get someone to help you if you are having trouble understanding me.

Of course my bank does not have a branch in the Ivory Coast. I am not asking you to go to a branch of my bank. I am asking you to go to YOUR OWN BANK. Banks across the world use the Guaranteed International Money Provision Service to transfer money between accounts. I have used GIMPS to transfer money from MY account to YOUR account.

I will give you the instructions once more, and put them more simply this time, in words of one syllable where possible, so that you will be able to understand them:

Go to your bank.
Ask for a GIMPS form.
Fill in the GIMPS form with the information I gave you in my last email.
The cashier will then transfer the 5,500 Euros from my bank account into your bank account.

I paid my bank a 50 fee to use the GIMPS network, so that I could ensure that the money got to you today, without any delay. Now stop wittering on like a cretin, and go to your bank and collect the money. You are trying my patience severely.

I am extremely annoyed with you. I have been working my arse off over here trying to get this money to you, but you and your staff seem to be doing nothing but flapping around like a load of wet hens. You seem to be able to turn the simplest of things into a fiasco of major proportions. Now let me know as soon as you have collected the money.

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: There is nothing like that

Sent: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 16:41:59 +0100 (CET)

Attention Mr Murray,

I have gone to my bank and they informed that I should present the payment slip. They informed that there is no bank wired transfer that has no payment slip, you much insist that your bank give you a payment slip so that we will present it our bank. I gone there myself, the BIAO bank is an international bank. Listen, if you are joking with this company, stop it now, if you don't have money to run your business, forget it till you get money for that, we should not continue this way every day, this problem of yours have taking much time and part of us, so stop that now.

If you are sincere, just ask your bank what the problem is all about. Listen, you are not the first person that transfer money to our company so you should not be making fool on this company.

Goodbye.

We remain the best at your service,

Dr Edward

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: You can't tell me you have no GIMPS at your bank?

Sent: Tue, 28 Oct 2003 17:21:08

Dear Mr Edward,

I am in receipt of your email. I despair. I paid extra to use the GIMPS network, to ensure that this money would get to you on the same day. You cannot tell me your bank has no GIMPS? I simply do not believe it. My bank assured me that the GIMPS network was in use by banks worldwide. Perhaps your bank has not maintained its GIMPS subscription fee.

And I have had enough of your hectoring, insulting tone. How dare you imply that I may not have enough money to run my business? I am a man of independent means, thanks to the industriousness of my father, who made his fortune breeding sporrans in the Highlands of Scotland, who passed his business onto me when he sadly passed away. Selling the business has made me a very wealthy man.

And how dare you accuse me of making a fool of your company? I am trying to transfer money to you to help out two poor little orphans in distress. And besides, if you ask me, you make a good enough job of making a fool out of your company yourself - you do not need my help.

For the good of poor little Queeneth and her brother, I will go into town again tomorrow and investigate some method of getting this money to you that you can actually cope with. I will contact you when I return home in the morning.

Good night to you,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: How are you today?

Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 05:30:12 +0800 (CST)

Dear Papa,

How are you today? Hope all is well with you. We have 3 days crusade at the church, I was there since morning that is why I have not been able to write you, papa. How far have you gone with the security company? Below is the poem that I have composed. Hope you will like it.

"Peom"

It is in dying that we are born, in giving we are received and in wisdom we reign/rule/love/and declare justice, wisdom, the soul of organise plan, the spirit of information, the fruit of instruction, the stamina of faith, anchor of hope and dreams, success contains, a force called wisdom, as it will invention, discoveries, prosperity and success are traceable to wisdom, when glory and honour is previewed and examine, we discovered wisdom as it anchor, wisdom is doing the impossible with what is available, the creative nature of Jehova in the sons of men is wisdom, you are predestinated sanctified. Justified and chosen in wisdom. Wisdom build men of valour and substances, creates woman of virtues, cultivates garden orchards and roses, the vineyard of choicest wine, in the avoiding line of our spirit and soul wisdom is the highest manifestation of love and peace, patience in the present past and future, grace mercy forgiveness, in the past in the present and in the future, wisdom is simple love in action fears, worries and doubts disappears at the entrance of wisdom, failure and spiritual, coyness, becomes non existence at the discovery of wisdom, wisdom is the tap root of eternal life, it is the man Jesus in the life of men, of all class, races, culture, language, colour.

Papa, I know you will enjoy this one, hoping to hear from you tomorrow.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Your poem

Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 08:56:23

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email, and for the poem you sent me. Note that the correct spelling is "poem", and not "peom", by the way. Similarly, you are a "poet", not a "peot".

You say you've been on a crusade for three days at your church? Are you talking about a proper crusade, like in the Middle Ages? You know, expelling Muslims from the premises and putting them to the sword? Rather gory stuff for one so young, I would have thought. Anyway, I hope it was enjoyable.

You asked how I am. To be frank with you my dear, I am extremely annoyed at Sir John and Mr Edward at the security company. I have to say, the men seem to be incompetent buffoons. I'm working flat to the boards here trying to get the money to them and they seem incapable of collecting it. I have had to travel into town innumerable times to try and sort things out, and still they are unable to collect the money. It is beginning to annoy me greatly. I get the impression that they are not putting a lot of effort into this. They seem like a bunch of rank amateurs to me. I am having to travel into town again this morning to try and sort things out. This whole affair is taking up a lot of my time.

Of course, none of this helps you and your sickly brother. Please Queeneth, I beg you to go and see Sir John and ask him to pull his finger out. Why not stick your brother in a wheelchair and wheel him round there too? The sight of your enfeebled brother sitting and drooling in a bath chair might make more of an impression on the man and spur him on to action.

Regarding your poem. I do not know quite how to put this. Let's just say that there are only two things I don't like about it: the words, and the way you've used them. Apart from that, it's great.

I must sign off now and go into town, AGAIN, to try and arrange this money transfer in a way that Sir John can actually handle. I will keep you informed of my progress.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Kindly explain yourselves

Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 10:29:51

Dear Mr Edward/Sir John/whoever you are,

I travelled into town this morning once again, determined to arrange this money transfer in such a way that you would be able to collect the money, without any of your cock-ups that have characterised this business so far. To this end, I sat down and had a long chat with Mr Nat West, my bank manager, and explained the situation fully to him, hoping that he would be able to suggest a foolproof way of transferring the money ("foolproof" being the operative word).

When Mr West had heard the whole story (he could not believe your bank has no GIMPS either, by the way), he sounded a note of caution. He warned me that this whole affair sounded very much like something he called "advance fee fraud", which he told me is very common. He told me that in his opinion I was very lucky that you have been too incompetent to collect my money. Mr West doubted your entire story. He told me that in all probability, there is no consignment and there is no security company. He also told me that "Sir John Newman" and "Dr George Edward" probably do not exist in reality. He said it is more likely that they are probably one and the same person, who is likely to be some stupid, smelly little low-life conman sitting in an internet caf somewhere in the Ivory Coast, knocking out hundreds of these emails to unsuspecting people every day. In short, he told me that he was afraid you were trying to defraud me.

Mr West advised me to double-check that you are who you say you are before I go any further. He also informed me that his bank would not carry out any transfer of money to you, because his suspicions were so great.

Now, of course, I do not want to believe this of you. I do not want to believe that this whole story is a sham that has been thought up to relieve me of my hard-earned (well, hard-inherited, actually) money. I do not want to believe that you are some stupid, smelly little low-life conman. But I am afraid that before I go any further, you will need to prove to me that this is for real.

To do this, you will need to send me photographs of Sir John, Dr Edward, and the consignment we have been talking about. Only then will I continue, and transfer the money to you. Once I receive these photographs, I will believe that you are for real.

I do hope that you can appreciate my caution. After all, one should always listen to one's bank manager.

I do sincerely hope that you do not turn out to be a stupid, smelly, little low-life conman. I would feel so disappointed.

I look forward to hearing from you by return, with the photographs I require attached.

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Global security company management

Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 13:08:39 +0100 (CET)

Attention to Gilbert Murray,

This is the acknowledgement of our receipt of your mail. Now we have understand that you and your bankers are not straight forward. I don't even know if you really have a bank, or you, yourself are that bank of yours that have been the stupid you are talking of not me, Mr Gilbert. We cannot send our pictures to you either, we can only prove to you the sincerity of our company.

We have branches in Canada, Madrid, Spain, Thailand and Holland. Global Security Company Management is an international company and not of a cheap peanut like your bank, that exists only in your house. We have heard enough of this nonsense discussion, it is because of the little money involved, that's what gives you the guise to address this company as a defrauder, OK. Now you have to ask the little stars to come over to our company with a lawyer and sign the paper works as it was still on the name of the depositor we know about, then you people can decide where the company will ship this consignment to you people, then you can travel there and pickup your consignment and pay our bullion van, that's all, because our company have not even heard about you forever since this consignment have been deposited into this company. Listen very carefully, after those kids and the lawyer have signed the paper works, we shall forward it to you, the paper will give the access to claim the consignment at anywhere of your choice where you people will decide to go and collect your consignment. We warned you once again, don't ask this company any more questions because we have heard enough, if you refuse to follow our instructions, then this consignment will remain under our company till further notice, thanks.

We remain the best at your service,

Dr George & Sir John

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: A suggestion

Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 13:24:42

Dear Mr Edward/Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry to have to say that due to your lamentably poor standard of English, I cannot understand what you are asking me to do. Perhaps if you wrote using proper sentences and spelled your words correctly, your writing would be easier to understand. Just a thought.

Let me suggest something that might resolve this situation. Would it help if I travelled to the Ivory Coast to give you your fee in person? This is something I suggested a number of weeks ago. It would save all this messing about with money transfers, which you obviously cannot cope with.

If I travelled to the Ivory Coast to give you your fee personally, it would also prove to me that you are for real, and not some "stupid, smelly little low-life conman", as my bank manager so charmingly put it. Such a trip to your country would also doubtless give me plenty of inspiration for more poems.

Let me know if this is acceptable to you. If so, I shall look into flights immediately.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Do you understand what Sir John means?

Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 15:06:28

Dear Queeneth,

I am afraid that things are going from bad to worse regarding Sir John. My bank manager warned me this morning that he thought "Sir John" was actually a stupid, smelly little low-life conman sitting in an internet caf somewhere in the Ivory Coast, who was trying to defraud me.

Given the astonishing level of incompetence that Sir John has shown in this business so far, I thought that my bank manager may have a point. After all, given the level of intelligence that Sir John has displayed so far, I would not trust him to sweep up dirt in the street, never mind carry out a sensitive international financial transaction. Therefore, I asked Sir John for some proof that he is not a stupid, smelly little low-life conman. Sir John did not take it well.

I am afraid that Sir John's command of the English language is so bad that I cannot understand what he has asked me to do (I did wonder if he had been drinking). Could you help me out please Queeneth? Please read the paragraph below and tell me what on earth you think it means:

" now you have to ask the little stars to come over to our company with a lawyer and sign the paper works as it was still on the name of the depositor we know about, then you people can decide where the company will ship this consignment to you people, then you can travel there and pickup your consignment and pay our bullion van, that's all, because our company have not even heard about you forever since this consignment have been deposited into this company. Listen very carefully, after those kids and the lawyer have signed the paper works, we shall forward it to you, the paper will give the access to claim the consignment at anywhere of your choice where you people will decide to go and collect your consignment."

I have suggested to Sir John that as he is obviously too weak-brained to handle money transfers, I should travel across to the Ivory Coast in person with his fee. What do you think? Is this a good idea? Perhaps you could have a chat with Sir John and sort this out. That's if you catch him sober, of course.

Please let me know what I should do next. I am most vexed and distressed knowing that you and your poor brother are suffering in your refugee camp. I want to get this matter sorted out as soon as possible.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Suggestion Accepted

Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 16:43:13 +0100 (CET)

Attention Gilbert Murray,

we thought that you are a man of policy who can take decision of his own, listen you are too old for someone to advise you on what to do. concerning our english, it is very good because we are not an english people but french speaking country, ok, speaking english has nothing to do with this transaction, we understand english and people understand our own english. besides, we agreed with your suggestion, no more discussion, by tomorrow we shall be calculating the whole charges, which is the demurrage fees, including the charges for the changing of the beneficiary into your name and tell you, then you can let us know when your coming down to this place, for that, you will not be allow to enter into this company, unless your name have been successfully made the new beneficiary of the consignment.

Mr Gilbert, thanks.

Yours in service,

Dr Edward & Sir John

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: This is excellent news

Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2003 16:28:57

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email.

Firstly, I must apologise most sincerely for complaining about your command of the English language. I had no idea that English was not your mother tongue. Please forgive me. I must say, considering that English is not your first language, you write it extremely well. And all the time, there was me thinking that you were educationally subnormal.

I am pleased that my suggestion of travelling over to the Ivory Coast is acceptable to you. This is what I suggested in the first place, if you remember. As I believe I have mentioned before, I do have time on my hands and the money for the flight will be no problem.

I have been saddened over the past few days to see that our relationship, which started off so well, has broken down into harsh words and recriminations, and all as a result of some minor technical problems. Perhaps I was too hard on you and your colleagues when, time after time, you failed to collect the money that I had transferred. If I was rude to you, then I apologise. In my defence, I was very upset as your failure to collect the money meant that I had to keep on going into town and this disrupted my poetry writing to a great extent. However, I know that this is no excuse for rudeness.

I propose that we put the trials and tribulations of the past few days behind us, and that we start afresh. What do you say? Are you willing to bury the hatchet too, so that we can regain the good working relationship we used to have? I do hope so.

I have written a short poem, which I feel is particularly apposite for this occasion. I hope you like it. I am very proud of it and think it is one of my finest works:

"FALLING OUT AND MAKING UP"

Falling out is easy

Making up is not

If you fall out with someone

You should make up on the spot

If you do not make up

It is something you'll regret

And it will also be something

That will make you worry and fret

So take the advice of this poem

And make up as soon as you can

Because making up shows you to be

A decent honest man.

You say that you will calculate the entire fee for the consignment and let me know tomorrow. That will be excellent. Then I can bring the whole fee along with me in person, in cash, and sort everything out in one go.

Could you please suggest a date that would be suitable for us to meet in Abidjan and carry out our business? Next Wednesday, Thursday or Friday would be particularly suitable for me. Does one of those days suit you? Please let me know.

I am sure that Queeneth and her brother will be delighted that we will finally be able to get this business sorted out.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

PS. I would also like to apologise for suggesting that you might be a stupid, smelly little low-life conman. Your willingness to meet me in person in the Ivory Coast is all the proof I need that this is not the case. I shall never listen to the doubting words of my bank manager ever again.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I think our problems will soon be over

Sent: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 10:23:52

Dear Queeneth,

You will be pleased to hear that our problems will soon be over. Sir John and I are in the process of sorting out our differences, and he has accepted my suggestion that I travel over to the Ivory Coast to pay the fee to the security company in person. We are putting the trials and tribulations of the last few days behind us and are making a new start. Hopefully we will be able to return to the friendly business relationship we enjoyed before it was soured by Sir John's incompetence.

I have asked Sir John to suggest a suitable day for me to visit Abidjan, and have suggested next Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. I have yet to hear back from him to confirm, but as soon as he replies, I will book myself an airline ticket.

I would like to meet up with you, my dear, when I arrive in your fair city. Perhaps you could show me around the sights and give me a guided tour of the refugee camp you're currently living in. I'm sure that it has its own native charm.

Perhaps you would also like some personal, one-to-one poetry tuition while I am in town? Your early attempts at poetry have shown considerable promise, and I really think you could benefit from an older, experienced man like myself showing you the ropes. You see, writing poetry is like making love to a beautiful woman. You have to take your paper, spread it out carefully in front of you, grasp your quill firmly in your hand, dip it quickly, then and watch in ecstasy as the ink starts to flow out of the tip. I will be able to show you all of this, first hand.

I would be more than happy to spend time with you alone in my hotel room and give you the benefit of my experience. I am sure that with my gentle tuition, I will be able to show you how to improve your technique, in lots of ways. Together, we will write beautiful poetry.

Please let me know how your sick brother is. I look forward to seeing you, hopefully next week.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Hi papa

Sent: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 12:33:31 +0100 (CET)

Dearest Papa,

Many thanks for your message, also I thank you for your concern about my brother's illness. This morning the doctor told me that he will discharged by tomorrow, thanks be to God that he is now recovering, but the doctor still insists that he will not eat anything containing pepper till he is recovered. I have read that which was written by Sir John. Papa, on my own understanding, he means that the security company can move our consignment to any of our choice overseas if we desire to move the consignment from here to anywhere, so that you can go there and claim the consignment on our behalf, if you do not desire to come down here in Cote d'Ivoire.

He even ask us to come to the company with a lawyer to sign paper work, papa, is he annoyed before he wrote this mail to you? We did not have any lawyer who will go with us to the security company for signing of the paper. What is wrong? Do you talk to them with a commanding tone? Don't mind his English papa, Cote d'Ivoire is not an English speaking country, we speak French. I myself am not too good in speaking English. It is because I attended an international school here in our country that is why I can even write in English.

I am so happy to hear that you are coming to meet with us by next week, we can't wait to meet papa. On your coming papa, remember to get something for us, like footwear and bodywear, so that we can put on UK things too. May God bless you papa in all your endeavours, for God almighty shall surely reward every man according to his doings. You will never regret this assistance. God be with you.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I am still waiting to hear from Sir John to confirm my visit

Sent: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 12:02:21

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. As I said in my last email, I am still waiting for Sir John to suggest a suitable date for my visit to your country. Perhaps you could pop into his office and give him a gentle reminder to get back to me on this matter? I will need to book the ticket fairly soon if I am to visit next week.

I suppose I will also have to visit my doctor to get injections to protect me from the virulent tropical diseases that are probably rife over there. After all, I do not want to get struck down by beriberi or jungle fever as soon as I step off the plane in Abidjan. I heard of one man who visited Africa last year who had spiders lay eggs in his ears as he slept, and his head swelled to twice its normal size until the baby spiders hatched. Most distressing.

Queeneth my dear, you must not put yourself down over your English. Considering that English is not your first language, you write it remarkably well. You should be proud of yourself. I have to admit that I did not realise that English was not Sir John's first language: Given his title, I naturally assumed that he was English, as I thought that the French got rid of all their aristocracy during the French Revolution. Obviously his ancestors must have escaped Madame Guillotine.

You would like me to bring you some authentically British clothes when I visit, would you? This will be no problem. I know of a clothes shop that specialises in selling cockney pearly king and queen' clothes. Nothing is more British than that - wearing those clothes, people would think you had been born in London and had lived there all your life.

You must let me know your shoe size measurements and your vital statistics - waist, inside leg, etc, and those of your brother. I might even bring you over some nice lingerie for you to wear. Perhaps you could try it on during our one-on-one poetry tuition sessions? Just to check that it fits correctly, you understand.

Probably best not to mention this to your brother.

Now, be a good girl and see if you can get Sir John to get back to me soon. I cannot wait to see you.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Global Security Company Management

Sent: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 14:02:24 +0100 (CET)

Attention to Gilbert Murray,

The company received your mail dated 29/10/003.

I accept your apology, and I put the trials and tribulations of the past few days behind me, so we can start afresh. Well, we have made the calculations regarding the demurrage which your consignment has accumulated under our company's custody, here are the details below.

The cost of the demurrage fee up till this date is 51,500 Euros, but your partner Mr Philip Bakayoko deposited 18,000 Euros with us on the day that the consignment was deposited with us. The company have minus the 18,000 which your partner deposited with us, now the balance is 33,500 Euros, plus the changing of beneficiary fee which cost 5,500 Euros. The total amount now is 39,000 Euros.

Regarding the chosen day of your coming down, you know the best day for your coming, we cannot advice you on what to do. The only thing we want from you is to obey the instructions of the board members of this company, so you have to check and let us know the day of your coming. We are working 24 hours daily. Secondly, you have to send your flight schedule to us and the number of your flight, that is all we need from you. Thanks.

Yours faithfully,

Sir John Newman

Director

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I am pleased that we can put our problems behind us

Sent: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 14:13:31

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased that we can put our problems behind us and continue with this business. I have no doubt that young Queeneth will be delighted too.

Thank you for calculating the total fees that I will have to pay in order to collect the consignment. Could you please send me a detailed breakdown of how the 51,500 Euros demurrage fee has been arrived at? The amount is not a problem - as I mentioned, the sale of my late father's sporran farm made me a wealthy man - and it is but a drop in the ocean when compared to the contents of the trunk, but I would like to see how this figure has been calculated. I am sure you understand.

Once I hear from you, I shall book myself a flight to the Ivory Coast. From my initial investigation, it appears that I will be able to get a flight that arrives in Abidjan in the early evening, so I would like to arrive on Wednesday evening, book into a hotel, then conduct our business first thing on Thursday. Would this be suitable for you?

I look forward to hearing from you my friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Global Security Company Management

Sent: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 15:58:44 +0100 (CET)

Attention Gilbert Murray,

This is the acknowledgement of our receipt of your mail. Regarding the detailed breakdown on the calculation of the fees, we started on the day the consignment entered into the company which is on 1 February 2000. As you have already known that the fee is 50 Euros per day, we will like you to start counting it from the date of deposit till this moment. You will be clear if you do it your self. Well, if you are free to come as you have stated, you are welcome. Thanks.

Yours faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I will look into flights and inform you of my schedule ASAP

Sent: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 15:34:06

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I have done a quick calculation as you suggested, and I have concluded that your calculations are incorrect. At 50 Euros per day, the demurrage fee from 1 February 2000 to the present date does not come to 51,500 Euros.

However, as the mistake happens to be in my favour, I am not quibbling. I will therefore bring along the 39,000 Euros fee with me, in cash, when I visit you. I trust that you will be able to provide me with a suitable receipt on the day.

I am glad to hear that next Thursday (6 November) suits you. This will give me plenty of time to make my travel and financial arrangements. I will make sure that I find a flight that gets me into Abidjan on the evening of 5 November. How many days will I need to be in Abidjan in order to conclude this business and collect the consignment? Will we be able to do everything in one day, or will we need more time? Please let me know so that I can book a suitable return flight.

Also, would you be able to recommend a decent hotel in Abidjan for me to stay at? Somewhere with at least 4 stars (but 5 stars preferably, if there are any), which should at least guarantee relatively clean bedding, plugs in the bathroom and rooms comparatively free from infestation.

I look forward to hearing from you, and to meeting you next week.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your kindness papa

Sent: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 16:48:45 +0100 (CET)

Dear Papa,

Many thanks for your mail, after reading your message with the content, I suggested that my going to the company will be tomorrow, because it is getting late here, and before I can arrive at the company, it will take me almost 1 hour to get there. Let's wait and see if they will reach you today, but if they fail to write, I will be going there first thing in morning to remind them about that.

Moreover, concerning the size I wear, for the shoes, I wear 39, the clothes 28 size. For my brother, he loves to wear canvas, shining things, he wears 43 by shoe, t-shirt and jeans 30. As I said that I will be going to the security company by tomorrow morning, as soon as I am back I will let you know the outcome of going there. Also papa, by tomorrow I will send you a poem which I have been composing, but not yet finished with it, but I think it will be ready by tomorrow.

Papa, we are anxious to meet you, we pray that your trip will be successful, and smooth, by God's grace, Amen.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: There will be no need for you to go to the security company

Sent: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 16:07:33

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to be able to tell you that there will be no need for you to go to the security company, as I have heard from Sir John. He has told me exactly how much money I will need to bring along next week - a sizeable sum, I have to say - and we have agreed that I shall fly to Abidjan next Wednesday evening, ready to do business first thing Thursday morning.

I will book myself a flight and a hotel in the next few days. Sir John is very helpfully going to look into hotels for me and suggest a suitable one.

Will you be free on Thursday evening, Queeneth my dear? I would love you to come to the hotel, where I could give you that personal tuition we were talking about.

Thank you for the information on your clothes sizes. Most helpful. I am pleased to hear that your brother likes wearing shiny things - the cockney pearly king and queen clothing will be right up his street. However, you have not given my your vital statistics, my dear, which I will need if I am to purchase you some lacy lingerie. Please forward them on to me as soon as you can. I would hate to buy you something that didn't fit correctly.

I look forward to meeting you next week.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I have found a suitable flight

Sent: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 08:58:43

Dear Sir John,

I have been investigating flights to Abidjan, and I have found a suitable one, which I will book today. I will fly with Air France from London Heathrow at 10:15 on Wednesday 5 November to Paris Charles de Gaulle, and change there to catch another Air France flight to Abidjan, arriving at 18:45. The flight number of the second leg, from Paris to Abidjan, is AF702.

On arrival I will book myself into a suitable hotel - I really would appreciate some recommendations from you on this matter - and I will be ready to do business first thing on Thursday morning.

I wonder if you would be able to help me out with a matter of some delicacy? I am rather fond of the company of young women - I find they help to ease the stresses and strains of life, especially when travelling. I am a firm believer in combining business and pleasure. Is there any way you could put me in touch with two or three pretty young things, to help make my stay in Abidjan as relaxing as possible? You are a man of the world. I am sure you know what I am getting at. The type of ladies I am after would be between 18 and 25, pretty, friendly, accommodating, adventurous, and free of disease. Please let me know if you can help me out here.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for all the efforts you have been making towards this transaction

Sent: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 12:07:55 +0100 (CET)

Dear Papa,

Thanks for your mail, papa. I have good news. Please help me in thanking the lord for his hand of mercy and divine intervention upon the life of my brother. You know what, this morning he was so strong and mighty, the doctor said that he don't need any more tablets to recover. All is well papa, Please join us in thanking God, for this is a testimony given to I alone, not one. However, thank God that you have heard from the security company, so I will not be going there again this morning.

Above all papa, of course be around on Thursday evening. Surely I will there to meet with you, papa. What do you mean by lacy lingerie? Please let me know about it as soon as possible, uncle. You are highly welcome to Abidjan, papa. I have told my brother that our problem will be over by next week, he was very happy that you are coming to Cote d'Ivoire. Both us are very happy to say that you was sent to us by God, in fact papa, you are our rescuer.

We have nothing to offer, only what we have to say is thank you very much for your kindness and for the love you have on us, may God bless you and see you through in all your endeavours, Amen. Papa, I have finished with the poem, you can as well read it. I know you will like it.

Holy, holy, oh holy spirit, the power behind the creation, holy spirit the helper, the teacher, holy spirit the healer, holy spirit the provider, holy spirit the nature of God, principles of the holy spirit, holiness, faithfulness, righteousness, the root of salvation, uncle, papa, wisdom man, our present papa in UK, thanks, thanks, I give you thanks for all you have done, you are so gentle, so fine, and so kind, I just want to say, osheeo papa, osheeo papa, uncle, the bible said that those that put their confidence in God will not be put to shame, I want you to prove to the company that you are a gentle man, full of wisdom, and a man of principles.

Words of truth.

Papa, this is one of the most chapters in the bible that I love to read always. Man can change, woman can change, situations can change, but forever his word is settled in heaven, and here the bible says again, man can fail, woman can fail, conditions can fail, but God cannot fail, forever he is God and his words, is Yea, and Amen forever and ever, Amen.

This is words of wisdom papa. I want you to know that we want this transaction be very successful. Papa, please I will like you to also come along with a present which you will be giving to the security company Director and President, so that every body will be happy on the day we will visit the company for clearance. For avoidance, please email them and ask the Director what he will appreciate much, I know that you can do that for me. I so much believe in you papa, with you all things are possible for me and my brother, we are happy for you papa.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth and Patrick Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Next week

Sent: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 11:54:41

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I am extremely pleased to hear that your brother is better. I look forward to meeting the poor wretch next week. I have found a suitable flight, so I am going to book myself a ticket to arrive in Abidjan next Wednesday evening, ready to do business with Sir John on Thursday morning.

Regarding the lingerie, as well as bringing you and your brother some cockney pearly king and queen clothing, which is very much in vogue in London at the moment, I would like to bring you some fine lace lingerie. But in order to do this, I need to know your vital statistics. Please send me your measurements as soon as possible. I shall then visit Ann Summers, which sells excellent lingerie, and pick out something suitable for you. Something with tassles, I thought.

You mentioned that I should bring along presents for Sir John and Dr Edward as well. What an excellent idea - you are such a thoughtful girl. I am sure they would appreciate a little something from me to cement our business relationship. I shall certainly put some thought into what to get them.

Regarding your poem. I have to say, I don't think you've quite got the hang of this poetry business yet. No matter. I will take you in hand next Thursday evening and show you how it's done. I think I will start off by showing you how to compose one of the classic forms of poetry: the sonnet. Poets have used the sonnet for centuries to express their love. It is a truly beautiful art form. I will give you personal instruction on how to express your love.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Any news on the hotel front?

Sent: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 16:04:22

Dear Sir John,

Any news on the hotel front? I have booked myself a flight for Wednesday and have left the return flight open, so I will be free to spend a few days - maybe even a week - in your charming country and have a good poke around.

Talking about having a good poke, any news on the rather delicate matter I asked you about?

Dear little Queeneth has suggested to me that you and Dr Edward might appreciate a small gift - a token of my appreciation, if you like - when I visit next week. I am sure you are not bothered by such fripperies, but while we're on the subject, is there anything in particular you would particularly appreciate? Something, perhaps, that is difficult to obtain over in the Ivory Coast? Decent marmalade or tea, for example? Have a think about it and let me know.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Next week? OK, we are waiting

Sent: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 19:04:24 +0100 (CET)

Dear Papa,

Thanks for your email, we are very happy to hear from you again today, my brother sends his greetings to you papa.

Papa, concerning the clothes, for the shoes, I wear 39 by size, the clothes I wear 28 size, length between 38-40. I hope you will understand papa. Papa, please before you move, make sure that you give us the name of your hotel and room number, also let us know that you have left your country OK. Papa, permit me to ask you a question. How many children have you? Because you have not told us about your family background for ever since we have known each other. God bless you and your entire family, as we hope to meet with you soonest.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth and Patrick Bakayoko

NB. papa, please on your way coming to Cote d'Ivoire, our country, please kindly come along with some of the poems that you have written, so that I can start studying it here before we move over to your country, after the transaction have been concluded.

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: You are welcome

Sent: Sat, 01 Nov 2003 14:55:02 +0100 (CET)

Attention to Gilbert Murray,

The company received your message, we will be very glad to see you in our office for the completion of the formalities in clearing the consignment. As regards to the accommodation, there is no problem. We will book a comfortable five star hotel for you, where you will get everything you want, including women. We will also send our security company agents who will pick you up at the airport here and take you to your hotel.

Besides, why do you choose to not be straightforward to us, because you have mentioned to us most of the time that you are a wealthy man, but there is nowhere, even in the forest here in Cote d'Ivoire, that does not have telecoms. Why don't you have a mobile phone of your self if there around phone line is not there? Well, have you gotten a travel visa to this place, because you will need an entry visa?

Lastly, we are glad that you are arranging to bring along with you a present to this company. OK wisdom man, you can as well get me hand sets and wrist watches for me and my wife. As for the President, Dr Edward, he will appreciate a labtop. We hope you will respond to this message quickly, thanks.

Yours faithfully,

Sir John Newman

Director

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: My visit to the Ivory Coast

Sent: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 09:30:25

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I have now booked my flight to the Ivory Coast, so everything is set. Sir John tells me that he will be booking me into a five star hotel, and sending a man to meet me at the airport, which is extremely kind of him.

You asked about my family background. Unfortunately I have no immediate family. No wife, and no children. I have a few distant cousins - one is an inventor, another is a Professor of Economics - but we do not meet very regularly.

Regarding clothes. I went shopping in London this weekend and purchased some lovely outfits for you and your brother. Wearing these clothes, you will be the talk of the refugee camp my dear. I have also bought you some lovely frilly lingerie. As you once again forgot to send me your vital statistics, I have had to guess. I have kept the receipt just in case you are more voluminously endowed than I anticipate.

I look forward so much to seeing you later this week my dear.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Which hotel are you booking me into?

Sent: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 09:31:36

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I trust you had an agreeable weekend. I must say, it is most kind of you to book me into a hotel. Could I ask you to confirm to me which hotel you are booking me into? I would like a non-smoking room if possible. Book me in for two nights for the time being. I have left my return flight open, so I may stay longer if I like the look of your country. If on the other hand it turns out to be a fly-blown hellhole, I shall probably return on Friday.

It is also extremely kind of you to offer to send someone to meet me at the airport. I was planning to make my own way to the hotel, but as I have not visited your country before, this will be a great help. I gather most people speak French? I will seek out my French phrase book and try to learn a few useful phrases on the plane.

Regarding the delicate matter you mentioned, could you give me some information on the women you have been able to procure for me? How many of them are there, and what are their ages? Kindly arrange for them to meet me at my hotel room on Wednesday evening at approximately 9pm.

You asked why I do not have a mobile telephone. Have you not heard about the research that suggests that mobile telephones are harmful? You might feel happy blasting your brain with radiation, but I most certainly am not. I refuse to use one.

You mentioned a visa. Do not worry - I had already thought of that. I travelled into London on Saturday and collected the travel documents I need from the Ivory Coast High Commission.

Thank you for your suggestions regarding the presents I am planning to bring. The department store in town does an excellent manicure kit, so there will be no problem with the hand sets you wanted for you and your wife. You say that Dr Edward would appreciate a "labtop". No problem - I shall purchase a fine linen white lab coat from the surgical supplies company in town. I did not realise Dr Edward dabbled in chemistry. I will also bring you some local delicacies. You would not believe the things Lincolnshire butchers can do with offal.

Get back to me as soon as you can with the name of the hotel, won't you?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Reply immediately

Sent: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 15:17:01 +0100 (CET)

Dear Papa,

Wednesday will be the greatest day in our life, because that will be the beginning of good changes in our life. We are constantly praying that your journey will be hitch free so that the consignment can be moved from this place immediately.

Remember that our hope of success in life is in your hands now. Anything we will be in the future depends on how you will handle the investment of these funds for us.

That is our only hope in life and we strongly believe that we have met the person who will help us. By the time you stay a day here, you will be 100% convinced about the authenticity, because seeing is believing and there is no proof more than that.

Papa, I am suggesting to go for our passport by tomorrow or should I wait until you come, because we lost it?

Kindly be in constant touch with us until your departure time.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth and Patrick Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I have been learning some useful phrases for my visit

Sent: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 15:01:52

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email, and for your kind words. I too am sure that my trip to your country will be completely free of hitches.

I have spent this morning with my Conducting business in West Africa guide book, learning a few phrases that may come in useful during my stay in your delightful country:

D placez votre ch vre - l' cart, monsieur.
Il y a un singe dans mon pi ce d'h tel. Veuillez l'enlever.
Le serveur, ce potage go te comme la merde de chameau.
Partez, vous tranger laid.
Combien chargez-vous, Madame?
Peut- tre votre ami voudrait se joindre dedans?
Sucez-le jusqu' ce que je vous dise de vous arr ter.
Cela se sent merveilleux.
Passez-moi un tissu, puis partez.

I followed your advice and asked Sir John for some suggestions on what sort of gifts to bring along for him and Dr Edward. I have to say, they both have rather unusual taste in gifts. Sir John asked for two manicure sets - one for him and one for his wife - and Dr Edward asked for a laboratory coat. I went into town this morning and purchased these items, along with some tasteful wrapping paper. I hope they are happy with the presents when they receive them.

I must return to my poetry. I shall email again tomorrow in between packing my clothes. I cannot wait to meet you my dear, and watch in pleasure as you try on the lingerie I have purchased for you. I am sure that the purple silk and red tassles will show off your lithe young body at its best.

I take it you are not shy in front of the camera, my dear? I am a keen amateur photographer in my spare time, and am keen to add to my expanding portfolio.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Global Security Company Management CI

Sent: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 16:06:07 +0100 (CET)

Attention to Gilbert Murray,

The company received your mail dated 03/11/03. Our security agent will be taking you to the Novotel Hotel from the airport here. It is good and an international hotel. We will book a room for you there on Tuesday, being tomorrow. In the area of women, as a security outfit, our responsibility is to safeguard valuable properties and training of security personnel, and not to organise women for our clients. As promised, we will do our best and live up to our promise in that aspect and get you young ones when you come, but you should know that it is not part of our mode of operation.

What I mean for Dr Edward is a laptop computer and not a labtop. It will be very kind of you if you can get those gifts for us. Be assured that your security will be 100% guaranteed throughout your stay here and we will be glad to see you in our office this week. If we treat you well, it will be a credit and a boast to our company internationally because you will get more clients for us.

Our security agent will be at the airport on Wednesday to welcome you. We are wishing you a safe journey.

Yours faithfully,

Sir John Newman

Director

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Sorry for the misunderstanding over gifts

Sent: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 15:43:03

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I am sure that the Novotel will suit my purposes admirably.

I appreciate what you are saying about procuring the women for me. I understand that this is not something you do everyday as part of your job. If you did, you would be a pimp, and not the Director of a renowned security company. However, I am sure that you are a resourceful man, and I am confident that you will be able to set me up with a couple of local stunners.

I am sorry for the misunderstanding over Dr Edward's gift. I did think it was rather an unusual gift to ask for. Unfortunately, I went into town this morning and have already purchased Dr Edward a particularly fine lab top - it is hand-stitched. It is a bit late to change the present now. I only hope that he will accept the present in the spirit in which it was intended.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

PS. How will I recognise your man at the airport on Wednesday evening? Will he be wearing easily-recognisable tribal dress? And will he be expecting a tip?

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The company received your mail

Sent: Tue, 04 Nov 2003 11:30:07 +0100 (CET)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

The security agent will carry a placard with your name boldly written on it. He will be at the immigration to help you with all the formalities at the airport. What do you mean by expecting a tip? Coming with the gift items is not obligatory, it has to be something from your heart and nobody is saying that you must come with a gift.

We remain yours in service.

Yours faithfully,

Sir John Newman

Director

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Confirming my schedule

Sent: Tue, 04 Nov 2003 08:59:37

Dear Sir John,

I am getting very excited about my impending trip to your country. I have got the gifts packed and have sorted out the money that I need to pay your fee: I have it in cash, which I will take with me in my briefcase as hand luggage on the aeroplane tomorrow.

I am so excited about my journey that I have written a poem. I hope you like it. I am very proud of it and think it is one of my finest works:

"CONDUCTING BUSINESS IN THE IVORY COAST"

When conducting business in the Ivory Coast

It's considered very rude of you to strut and shout and boast

The Ivory Coast, or Cote d'Ivoire, is really hip and funky

And if you're very lucky then you might just see a monkey

Or two swinging on long creepers through the trees in the dark jungle

When conducting your business, you must be quite sure you do not bungle

Things up, as this will not go down well in the least

You may also if you're lucky catch sight of a wildebeest

In the Ivory Coast they tend to speak the language spoken in France

If you're very lucky you might see two gazelles having a dance

And if you're very quiet as you hack your way through the trees

You might just see an elephant with its trunk and knobbly knees

The floor of your hotel room will probably be carpet, wood or lino

And if you're really lucky then you might just spot a rhino

Or a hippo which can swallow large green cabbages at will

As easily as you or I could swallow down a pill

The Ivory Coast is a wonderful place to conduct your affairs

Whether you are purchasing or selling goods or services or wares.

Just to confirm my movements, I will be arriving in Abidjan at 18:45 tomorrow evening. I will look out for your man at the airport - I assume he will be holding a sign with my name on it.

After a relaxing night unwinding at the hotel - if the girls could arrive at 9pm that would be splendid - I will be ready to do business first thing on Thursday morning. Perhaps your man would be good enough to collect me from the hotel lobby at 9am on Thursday morning and take me to your offices?

I have arranged to meet with dear young Queeneth on Thursday evening, when I plan to give her a one-to-one lesson in the art of poetry. I feel that with a little personal tuition, Queeneth's emerging talent could blossom into something quite wonderful.

I will take my laptop with me and try to email you tomorrow from Paris, where I change planes. I look forward to meeting you and Dr Edward very much on Thursday morning.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks and have a safe journey

Sent: Tue, 04 Nov 2003 11:58:16 +0100 (CET)

Attention Gilbert Murray,

That is an interesting poem. Here is a tourist country and over 20% of the population are foreigners. That portrays their hospitality. The security agent will always be at your service until you round up your trip here. Thanks and have a safe journey.

Yours faithfully,

Sir John

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: My trip to the Ivory Coast

Sent: Tue, 04 Nov 2003 11:46:41

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. You say that over 20% of the population of the Ivory Coast are foreigners? How fascinating. It must be a delightful country. I am so much looking forward to seeing the African jungle, which I expect is teeming with wildlife. It will be so different to the barren, marshy landscape in which I live, where it is rare to see any wildlife.

I have already mentioned to Queeneth that I am a keen amateur photographer, and will be bringing along my camera equipment. I particularly enjoy taking photographs of wildlife. I'm not entirely sure how varied the wildlife of the Ivory Coast is, but I look forward to taking pictures of some gorgeous birds. Do you have beavers? I was talking to someone at the Ivory Coast High Commission this weekend about your country's wildlife, and I'm sure he said there were beavers. I will be a very happy man indeed if I can get some close-up beaver shots over the next few days.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Global Security Company Management, Abidjan

Sent: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 09:33:25 +0100 (CET)

Attention to Gilbert Murray,

Yes, over 20% of the entire population are foreigners. You will confirm it upon your arrival. You will feel the real taste of African environment. It is a wise decision to come with a camera because it will help you a lot.

Every arrangement has been concluded. The security agent will be at the Houphouet Boigny International airport here early today before your arrival. We hope to host you in our office on Thursday morning.

Thank you.

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Urgent

Sent: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 11:33:55 +0100 (CET)

Dear Papa,

How are you today, together with your health which is the most important thing to us? Hope you are fine. We are writing to know when you will be leaving UK today. Please get us informed as you are leaving OK, so that we shall know aware and to be sure that we are waiting for our papa to arrive here in our country. Papa, you will enjoy our country as you come. It's likely and enjoyable. Sir, also don't forget to let the security company know that you have left OK. We shall be waiting for your urgent response.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth and Patrick Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: A quick update on my progress

Sent: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 11:53:22

Dear Sir John,

A quick email to advise you of my progress.

After a pleasant flight from London Heathrow, I am now at Paris Charles de Gaulle airport, waiting to change planes to catch the second leg of my flight to Abidjan.

I have your fee in my briefcase, and the gifts I bought for you and Sir John neatly wrapped in my suitcase. As well as the manicure sets and the lab coat, I visited one of our finest butchers yesterday and picked up a selection of Lincolnshire delicacies, which I am sure you will enjoy. I doubt you'll be able to get foods like that in the Ivory Coast.

I wrote a small poem on the plane between Heathrow and Paris. Here it is. I hope you like it. I am very proud of it and think it is one of my finest works:

"FLYING IN AN AEROPLANE"

I'm in a plane

I'm in the sky

I'm flying fast

I'm flying high

For lunch I'll have

A chicken pie

The stewardess

Is bringing drinks

The man to my left

Really stinks

I try to catch

Forty winks

The wheels go down

The plane descends

Will we crash-land?

Well that depends

It turns out alright

In the end.

I shall look out for your man at the airport in Abidjan.

I look forward to meeting you and Dr Edward tomorrow morning, and to enjoying the company of the girls you have arranged for me tonight.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I am in Paris, waiting for the second leg of my flight

Sent: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 11:55:42

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email, and for your concern over my health. I am feeling on top of the world, thank you for asking.

I am currently sitting in Paris Charles de Gaulle airport, waiting for my connecting flight to Abidjan. The first leg of my flight, from London Heathrow to Paris, went splendidly. I am sure that the second leg, from Paris to Abidjan, will go just as well. I am hoping to catch up on some sleep on the flight - I had to get up very early to get to the airport on time, and if Sir John has arranged things correctly, I have rather an exhausting evening ahead of me. No need to go into details, my dear.

As I have been trying to learn as much French as possible from my phrase book in the last few days, I decided to try some of it out on the stewardess on the aeroplane. To my intense surprise, when I asked her for a bag of nuts, she raised her eyebrows and slapped me hard across the face. I was baffled until I examined my phrase book more closely and found that I had asked her for something entirely different.

Sir John has probably told you that I will be staying in the Novotel in Abidjan. I look forward very much to seeing you there tomorrow evening once I have completed my business with Sir John at the security company.

Perhaps you could come along to the hotel at 8pm tomorrow evening? Ask for me at reception and I will come down to meet you. We can then go up to my room and celebrate the success of the day's business. I will have some champagne on ice, all ready for us, and I will be able to give you the gifts that I have brought for you. I look forward very much to seeing you try on your pretty lingerie while I take photographs to mark the occasion.

All things considered, it is probably best if you do not bring your brother along with you.

The end of your torment is in sight, my dear Queeneth. You and your brother will soon be able to walk out of that refugee camp in your cockney pearly king and queen clothing, with your heads held high.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: You are welcome to our country

Sent: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 21:06:01 +0100 (CET)

Dear Papa,

Thanks for your message, we are happy that you are on your way to our country. Wooo, we can't wait to meet you papa. Please, it is important that you give us the phone number and room number of the hotel where you lodge in as soon as you arrive here in our country.

We are the happiest people tonight. We are anxiously waiting to hear from you as soon as you arrive, God bless you and your family.

Best regards,

Queeneth & Patrick

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Why is your man not at the airport?

Sent: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 20:13:32

Dear Sir John,

What is going on? Why is your man not here to meet me at the airport?

I had a considerable delay coming through Customs - the Lincolnshire delicacies I had bought for you had started to smell rather strongly in my suitcase and the Customs Officials were keen to discover what the smell was. I had a hard time explaining exactly what they were - the Customs Officials thought they were body parts. They questioned me for a considerable length of time, then confiscated the food items from me. Apparently it is against the law to import meat products into the Ivory Coast without a licence.

I do not think I helped matters by offering the officials a bribe to let me through. This did not go down at all well. I thought this was the way things were done in West Africa. I thought maybe I had not offered them enough, but when I offered them more, it seemed to make things worse. I am sure that is why they kept me for so long.

Anyway, by the time I cleared Customs, there was no sign whatsoever of your man. I assume that he got bored of waiting and left, assuming that I had missed my flight. Perhaps this is not surprising, given the amount of time that Customs detained me.

I am now extremely tired and stressed after my long flight and my ordeal at the airport. I am going to get a taxi and make my way to the hotel.

Kindly arrange for your man to collect me at the hotel reception at 9am sharp tomorrow morning. Hopefully tomorrow I will be in slightly better spirits.

Please accept my apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: There is nobody to meet me at the airport

Sent: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 20:16:42

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email, and for your kind welcome to your country.

I landed without any problems, but after a delay at Customs, have been disappointed to see that Sir John's representative is not here to meet me at the airport.

I am now about to make my way to a hotel. Hopefully Sir John's representative will be able to collect me in the morning without any problem.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Call me on 07366254

Sent: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 21:43:12 +0100 (CET)

Attention to Gilbert Murray,

You are welcome to our country. The security man waited for you at the airport to pick you up, but he came back without anybody. Do you think that you are dealing with kids? Who do you think that you are talking to? If you are sincerely saying the truth, OK, where are you writing from? Did you come to Cote d'Ivoire with a computer?

If you are thinking that you are joking with us or playing with this company intelligent, you fail woefully, because we are not begging people that have consignments deposited with us to come and claim it, OK? This consignment will remain here even if it is 100 years, it will be intact with this company, so stop playing games with our intelligent.

Besides, if you are for real Mr Man, give us the name of the hotel where you have located or lodged, also the room number and the hotel telephone number so that our man will come to the hotel and pick you up tomorrow morning as you have said. Now that you are in Cote d'Ivoire, I want you to call me immediately on 07366254. Call me now, awaiting.

Yours faithfully,

Sir John Newman

Director

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: This is turning into a complete shambles

Sent: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 21:37:32

Dear Sir John,

I am in receipt of your extremely rude email. What on earth are you on about? Yes, I have come to the Ivory Coast with my computer. Seeing as I refuse to subject my brain to the radiation that is emitted by mobile telephones, email is by far the best way to communicate. How on earth else do you think I managed to email you earlier today from Paris?

I have tried to call you using the number you gave me, but I cannot get through to you. I don't know if I am using the correct international dialling code or not. This is turning into a complete shambles.

I managed to find myself a taxi at the airport and with some considerable difficulty, got the driver to understand where I wanted to go. When we arrived at the hotel, I found that there was no room booked in my name. You told me that you had seen to that and booked a room for me!

Luckily, the hotel had a room available, so I have booked myself in. I got up to my room at about 8:45pm, and got a quick shower, just in time for the girls you told me you had arranged for 9pm. It is now past 9:30pm, and there is no sign of any girls at all.

What is going on? I thought you had arranged everything. This is a huge disappointment to me. First of all there was nobody at the airport to meet me. Then I find that there is no room booked for me at the hotel. Then, to top it all, I find that no girls have been arranged. This is simply not good enough.

I hope that you will be able to arrange things better tomorrow morning and that your man will be able to pick me up without any problems. I will be waiting in the hotel lobby at 9am sharp. Tell him not to be late. I have travelled half way around the world to visit your country and complete this business, and I am not accustomed to being messed about in this way.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: The taxi driver took me to the wrong hotel

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 09:32:51

Dear Sir John,

I must apologise profusely. The taxi driver I found at the airport last night has taken me to the wrong hotel. His English was not very good, and I did find it difficult to make him understand where I wanted to go. I assumed that he had taken me to the Novotel as I instructed. However, I have discovered this morning that I am actually in the Sofitel. I suppose the names of the two hotels sound quite similar, so it was an easy mistake for the taxi driver to make. I was so tired after my long flight that I did not notice the fact that I was at the wrong hotel last night.

That would explain why there was no room booked for me when I arrived last night. It would also explain why the girls you arranged for me did not turn up. I imagine they went to the Novotel, expecting to find me there.

I have tried calling you again on the number you gave me, but I cannot get through. Anyway, now that I know where I am, I would be most grateful if you could send your man to collect me at the Sofitel on Avenue Delafosse Prolongee. I will be waiting in the hotel lounge.

Please send your man to the hotel as soon as possible. I am keen for us to conclude this business today if we can, and I feel rather uncomfortable sitting in a hotel with such a large amount of money in my briefcase. The sooner it is safe in your hands, the better.

Once again, please accept my apologies for the mix-up.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: There has been a mix-up over hotels

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 09:41:27

Dear Queeneth,

Things have not gone smoothly since I arrived here in the Ivory Coast. After a long delay in Customs, where they confiscated the meat products I had brought over as gifts for Sir John, I missed the representative from the security company at the airport.

I found myself a taxi and made my way to what I thought was the correct hotel. However, I have found out this morning that the taxi driver misunderstood me and took me to the wrong hotel: I am actually staying at the Sofitel, on Avenue Delafosse Prolongee, not at the Novotel as I originally planned.

I have contacted Sir John and explained the mix-up. He should be sending a man to collect me at the Sofitel this morning so that we can conduct our business and free up the consignment deposited by your tragically murdered father.

Please don't worry Queeneth. Despite this unpropitious start to my visit, I am sure that we will be able to iron out all the little problems and conclude this business successfully.

I hope that you will still be available to meet up with me this evening in my hotel room (in the Sofitel, not the Novotel). Just ask for me at reception when you arrive. Please respond and confirm that you will be able to make it my dear. I will have the champagne on ice, and I promise you a night to remember.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Attention Mr Murray

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 10:42:34 +0100 (CET)

Attention to Gilbert Murray,

I am an elderly man and cannot lie with my job. The security agent was at the airport yesterday with a placard bearing your name. He said he did not see you. If you said you are in the hotel, what is your room number and the telephone number of the hotel? Why are you hiding it? We don't have any special interest in this transaction. If the poor girl feels that she is not yet ready to get the consignment cleared, we will keep the consignment till whenever she is ready. We are not forcing or begging our clients to clear their consignments. Under normal circumstances, it is you and the owners of the consignment that are supposed to make arrangements and come to our office to clear the consignment. For your information, there is no way you can call the number I gave to you and it will not get through. If you are in Cote d'Ivoire, call this number by dialling 07366254, but if you are outside my country you can as well dial 0022507366254. So call immediately, or you can ask the hotel waiters to help you.

OK, tell us your room number and the telephone number of the hotel, or you call us. Thank you.

Yours in service,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: You seem to be doubting my word

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 10:28:01

Dear Sir John,

I have to say, I am concerned by the tone of your recent emails. You seem to be doubting my word. I am a poet of international renown. I am not used to being called a liar by a mere security guard such as yourself.

Your man obviously missed me at the airport last night because he did not wait while I was being delayed by Customs.

I have tried calling you on several occasions and have not been able to get through. I have now run out of small change for use in the hotel's public payphone. As well as running out of small change. I am rapidly running out of patience with you. I have told you the name and address of the hotel I am staying in: the Sofitel on Avenue Delafosse Prolongee. What more information do you need? Are you incapable of using a telephone book, for god's sake?

Assuming that you are incapable of using a telephone book, the number of the hotel is 221 122, according to the pleasant girl on the reception desk.

Either send your man round here now to collect me, or call me at the hotel immediately. I am waiting in the lounge. Ask reception to send someone to the lounge to call me to the telephone.

I have had just about enough of your rudeness. This is no way to deal with a client who has come to your country bearing gifts.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Reply

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 12:40:42 +0100 (CET)

Attention Gilbert Murray,

Please excuse us for the delay, we are on our way to pick you up with a private jet. Be patient. Can you give us your room number?

Give us your room number. Why are you making things complicated for us? We called the hotel and they said that you are not there. What name do you write? What is the hotel room number?

Yours faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I am still waiting

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 11:47:45

Dear Sir John,

I am in receipt of your email. What do you mean, you are on your way to pick me up "with a private jet"? Is this another example of you messing me around? I have been sitting in the hotel lounge all morning waiting for your man to come and meet me or for you to telephone. And what have I heard from you? Nothing. I am nearly at the end of my tether.

What do you mean, the hotel said that I was not there? I have told you that I am in the hotel lounge for god's sake. I am not in my room. If they tried to put you through to my room, it is no wonder that they told you I was not there. Ask them to put you through to me in the lounge.

What is going on? I appreciate that things may be carried out in a more lax manner in the country, but this is no way to conduct business.

You may be interested to know that while I have been waiting in the hotel lounge, I have been talking to a Mr Abacha, who is the nephew of the ex-leader of Nigeria. Mr Abacha has put forward a most promising business proposition to me, which I am most tempted to take advantage of if my business with you does not work out. I have to say, Mr Abacha displays an air of competence which you are sadly lacking, especially after the debacle of the last few days. And Mr Abacha's proposal sounds as if it could be even more profitable to me.

Now stop playing with yourself, or whatever it is you're doing right now, and let's see some action from you. I am waiting. If I do not hear from you, I will have no option but to move forward with Mr Abacha's proposal.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Wait till I call now

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 13:09:42 +0100 (CET)

Attention Gilbert,

OK, wait at the reception. I will be calling in 10 minutes time from now.

Yours faithfully,

Sir John

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I was at lunch

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 13:35:26

Dear Sir John,

I have just returned from lunch in the hotel's excellent restaurant, and have received your email. If indeed you did call when you said you would, you would have missed me while I was at lunch.

Enough of this tomfoolery. Send a man to pick me up immediately. My patience can only be stretched so far.

Gilbert Murray

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I was at the toilet

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 17:50:30 +0100 (CET)

DEAR MR WISE MAN,

Nice to hear that you are into another business. That has portrayed that there is immense business opportunities here. We have caught you on the leg. We checked with the Air France at their office in Plateux and saw all the names of the passengers that arrived from Paris yesterday. There is no GILBERT MURRAY. Maybe we made a mistake in your name or we don't know how to spell it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, MR WISE MAN. Go back to your room and give me your room number. I will call and speak with you. I am in my office glued to my computer with the telephone line in my right hand side.

We will come with two private jets, one for you and your bag of money and one for the security agents that will guard you. Go to your hotel room, open your window, the two private jets will soon come there. For your information, this might be my last response to your emails. The chatting has taken a very long time. Bye.

Yours sincerely,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: You can forget this whole business

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 17:04:21

Dear Sir John,

Enough is enough. I have lost patience with you. You messed me around over the money transfer the other week; this week you have messed me around over meeting up with me.

Perhaps you did make a mistake over my name when you contacted Air France. Spelling does not seem to be one of your strong points. Do you actually have any strong points?

You can forget this whole business. I have spoken to that nice Mr Abacha, and we have decided to go ahead with the business proposition he put forward to me.

Were you ever for real, or was this just one big joke to you? Perhaps Nat West was right all along in describing you as a "stupid, smelly little low-life conman". I have to conclude that you are either stupid, crooked, or more probably both.

I started composing a poem about our business relationship, but got stuck as I could not think of rhymes for "pathetic conman", "stupid fraudster" or "brain-dead swindler". Any ideas?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I have had to call a halt to this business

Sent: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 17:05:02

Dear Queeneth,

I am disappointed not to have heard from you today. Unfortunately, I have had enough of Sir John's incompetence, and have had to call a halt to this business. I met another man at the Sofitel today while I was waiting for Sir John's man to arrive, a Mr Abacha, who has put forward another business proposition. As a result of Sir John's fumbling, I have accepted Mr Abacha's offer.

I am sorry that this means that I will no longer be able to claim the consignment that your late father left with the security company. I realise this means that you and your brother are condemned to a life in the refugee camp. Oh well. Such is life.

Despite the failure of this business, if you are still interested in coming to my hotel room at 8pm tonight, I promise to show you a good time, my dear. Just make sure you take a shower first.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, "Wisdom Man"