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Gilbert Murray MP's Westminster Blog - New The Gypping in the Marsh Podcast - New The Gypping in the Marsh Village Website - New
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The Door Furniture SpecialistIn which Gilbert is honoured to be able to help out a real princess who is seeking a complete stranger to act as her legal guardian and look after her $9 million fortune until she comes of age. Nobody knows more about doorknobs and knockers than Gilbert Murray, and unfortunately for the princess, Gilbert seems to be getting rather distracted by the thought of getting his hands on the princess' own knockers... Cast of characters
From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Heartiest Greeting From Princess Sent: Sat, 11 Mar 2006 04:12:08 -0800 (PST) Heartiest greeting from Princess, from Princess Moreen Kabba. PLEASE REPLY ME WITH THIS MY EMAIL ADDRESS: pmoreenk5@yahoo.com. My Dear One, Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I got your address and name though this web I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to its esteeming nature and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trustworthy person that I can do business with and by the recommendation, I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business. I am Princess Moreen Kabba the only daughter of late Chief and Mrs Anthony Kabba. My father was former Director of Finance for the Sierra Leone Diamond, Gold and Mining Corporation in Freetown, the economic capital of Sierra Leone. My father was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on a business trip. While my mother died when I was a baby and since then my father took me so special. Before his death on October 2004 in a private hospital in Freetown, Sierra Leone, he secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has the sum of nine million United States dollars ($9,000,000) left in fixed/suspense account in one of the prime bank in Abidjan, the economic capital of Cote d'Ivoire, that he used my name as his only daughter for the next of kin in depositing of the fund. He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates. That in case he die I should move out of the country down to Cote d'Ivoire where he made the deposit to seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose after my education such as real estate management or hotel management. I am living in Cote d'Ivoire since 3 months now. Dear, I am honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways: to provide a bank account into which this money would be transferred to, to serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only 22 years and to make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education and to secure a resident permit in your country while you will take care of investing this money. Moreover dear, I am willing to offer you 15% of the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after the successful transfer of this fund into your nominated account overseas. Furthermore, you indicate your options towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within seven (7) days you signify interest to assist me. Anticipating to hear from you soon. Thanks and regards, Princess Moreen Kabba From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Re: Heartiest Greeting From Princess Sent: Mon, 13 Mar 2006 15:58:49 Dear Princess Moreen, I have just read the astonishing email you sent to me the other day. I have to say, my dear girl, that I was touched by your story, which was both sad and pathetic. Please accept my sincere condolences regarding the unfortunate death of your father. I am sure that his sudden and unforeseen death must have been rather inconvenient. Mind you, they do say that every cloud has a silver lining, and that certainly seems to be the case in this instance. You should count yourself lucky that your late father chose to save his hard-earned money in order to provide for your future, rather than doing what so many other men would have done in his situation and squandering it on gin and whores after the death of your mother. Your father was obviously a very far-sighted individual. So, you say that you are currently looking for someone to give you help and advice on how best to invest the fortune that your father has left you. Well you need look no further, my dear girl: given your kind offer, I would be delighted to do anything I can to help you out. As it happens, I am currently on the lookout for funds to enable me to expand my business, so this email of yours might have come at just the right time for both of us. Please do get back to me if I can be of any assistance to you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Are you actually a real princess, or is "Princess" merely your first name? From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Lord of all Sent: Tue, 14 Mar 2006 02:55:29 -0800 (PST) Dear Mr Gilbert Murray, Good day and how are you doing today with your family? I hope fine. Many thanks to your mail in respond to the request that I made to you. May Almighty God bless you for replying my mail and even thinking it wise to help me out of my predicament. It is my prayers that at any time in your life that you need help, Almighty God himself will come to your aid. Before continuing, I do like to inform you that this transaction is a risk free one. It is completely risk free. The money that I told you I want to transfer into your bank account is clean money. It is my inheritance from my late father. It is legally acquired money so there is nothing wrong about it. I want to let you know that I have choosed only you to assist me for this transfer, and I want you to understand that I choosed you because God wants me to choose you, as I fasted and prayed to God to provide a God-fearing person, an honest person that will help me in this transfer, a person that will take care of me, a person that will invest my money very well, a person that will manage my money well and a person that will not kill me to take my money. This is why I have contacted you, and I am very happy for your good response and I pray that we will live like family when I come to your country. I have stopped schooling since the incident of my father because I do not feel safe in my country. My father told me to do everything possible to transfer the money outside to a foreign person and also travel out of the country. I have been avoiding all our family and relatives so that no one know where I am because they are jealous of me and want to eliminate me. From reading your mail I can say from it that you are a sincere person. I am glad to know you and I would be even more glad to work with you on this transaction. The reason why I am contacting you is that during the deposit of the money to the bank, there was an agreement between my father and the bank that they will not release the money to me until I am at least 27 years of age. Now that I need to receive the money, the bank said that they will not release the money to me. The bank said that they only way they will release the money to me is that I appoint a guardian to whom they shall release the money directly to. In this case, the money cannot be given to me but can be given to the person I appoint as my guardian with all the needed documents. By this mail, I hereby confirm that I have made you my guardian and so desire that my inherited fund be transferred to your account for investment. Once I hear from you, we shall proceed. I shall give you the contact of the bank so that you can contact them and talk to them by yourself as that will assure you the more of what I am talking about. I will appreciate that you give this transaction very urgent attention. If you are current with African news, you will know that there is political unrest here. I do like us to have completed everything so that I would have left. So I will like you to respond to my mails immediately and also keep this very secret. I would want you to send your picture to me, your telephone and fax number and your home address. I know you are of good character. I will also like to invest the money where you live. So please make adequate plan on how this will work there so that we can invest wisely there. In your next mail, please do send to me your contact address. It is very important. Once I have that, and I will be sending it to the bank here to inform them that I have appointed you as the guardian to my inherited money. The bank is already aware that I am looking to appoint someone to stand as my guardian. I am happy for your kind interest to help and assist me transfer my inheritance to your country. I want to know that you will manage the money until I conclude my education in your country which I will love us to put in contract agreement and also how the total profit from the investment will be shared after you must have taken what I offered. Please advise on this, if I will draft this or you can do it from your side for both of us to sign before we will go on to make the transfer to your account. I will also like you to tell me more fully and very well about you so that I will have much information of whom I am dealing with. You know I can't just transfer my money to your account like that because I have not known you very well. This is why I have decided to build my relationship first, build trust and know ourselves much before we go on with the transfer. I am doing this because I want to be careful since this money is my only hope of future and survival as I plan to come down to your country to continue my living. I will like to know if I will be able to get nice/good school in your country to continue my education. I want to know the name of the airport in your country in case of when I will come. Please give me more information about life in your country. Although I have watched on TV documentaries most things about your country, and I find out that your country is good for investment and living, this is why I have decided to continue my living in your country. For my brief introduction, I am Princess Moreen Kabba, the only child of my parents, born 11/05/83. I am citizen of Republic of Sierra Leone. The name of my late father is Chief Anthony Kabba. The name of my late mother is Mrs Rabie A Kabba. She died when I was a baby. My late father before his death was former Director of Finance for the Sierra Leone Diamond and Gold Mining Corporation in Freetown and the traditional king of my ethnic as well. This is my brief data. Attached is my picture and all the related documents I have with me for the money deposit. I expect your mail with the information I have requested including the picture. Immediately I receive your response, we will go on. If there are other things you will like to know about me, please feel free to ask me and I will give you the information. This is to enable us to know ourselves better, build trust and build our relationship before we make the transfer. I expect your urgent mail. Please email me your recent picture. Please give me more information about your family. You should also send me photos of you and your family so that I will have a look of you all. I expect your mail urgently. Yours, Princess Yes I am a real princess and you will see it in my picture. From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: I would be honoured to help you Sent: Tue, 14 Mar 2006 16:04:16 Dear Princess Moreen, Thank you for your long and detailed email. May I say that I consider it an honour and a privilege to have been contacted by a real life African princess: I really didn't think things like this happened to ordinary people like me in real life! In light of the unfortunate position in which you currently find yourself - and also bearing in mind the most generous offer of 15% of the total sum that you have made to me - I would be honoured to help you out. Thank you also for sending me a photograph of yourself and copies of all that documentation. I must say, my dear girl, you are a pretty young thing. If only I was a few years younger - and if only I wasn't tied down by my wife - I don't mind admitting that I could take quite a shine to you. In all honesty, your fresh and comely features make the wife's face look like a bag of spanners. She's let herself go, do you see? They say that you can't beat the aging process... but she could have put up a bit more of a fight if you ask me. Mind you, they do say that an age difference needn't be a stumbling block to a successful relationship. Just look at Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, for example. He must be old enough to be her grandfather, but they seem perfectly happy together. If you ask me, I think a more mature gentleman such as myself could still teach these young whippersnappers a thing or two when it comes to matters of the boudoir. With age comes experience, do you see? And quite a few times a week too, the wife's headaches notwithstanding. Tell me, my dear girl, do you like older men? Can you see the appeal of a freshly-waxed moustache and a well-brilliantined head of hair with just a hint of steely grey around the temples? Can you see yourself on the arm of an experienced older gentleman, who would be more than willing to share his years of experience with a bright young thing such as yourself? Please don't think me immodest, but many people have commented on how well-preserved I am for my age. I have attached a photograph of myself to this email (it's a copy of my passport, actually). Tell me, my dear girl, do you think that you could find me attractive? Anyway, that's enough of me rambling on. We have important matters to discuss here. First of all, you wanted some more information about me. Well, as you know, my name is Gilbert Murray. I live with my wife Elizabeth and my son Gilbert Jnr in a small, remote Lincolnshire village called Gypping in the Marsh. I run my own business, specialising in the sale and maintenance of what we in the trade call "door furniture": doorknobs, doorknockers, letter boxes and doorbells, that kind of thing. There has been quite a renaissance in traditional door furniture over the past few years - brass has made a real comeback recently - and business has been extremely brisk: not only do people want to purchase new reproduction brass door furniture, they also hire me to refurbish the original fixtures and fittings on their old doors. At the moment I work on my own and only service the local community. However, I've been wanting to expand my business for some time now, but I've found it somewhat difficult to come up with the necessary funding. That's why I was so attracted to the proposal you put to me the other day: with the amount of money you are talking about, I could afford to transform Murray's Knobs and Knockers from a small, local concern into a nationwide company. That's what I'm planning to use the 15% you have so kindly offered me for... and I'm sure that if you were willing to invest the rest of your inheritance in my company, the sky would be the limit. What do you think, my dear girl? Now then, you mentioned in your last email that you had discontinued your education and that you wish to take it up again once you have moved over to this country. In order that I can look into this further for you, please tell me what level of education you have managed to attain at the moment - do you have any GCSEs, for example, or perhaps an NVQ or two? Please also let me know what area of education you would be interested in pursuing. I know that the local agricultural college is very well regarded, for example, but I'm not sure that as a princess that particular field would interest you all that much. You also wanted my address. It's Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK. So, my dear girl, what's next? Do get back to me and let me know what I need to do in order to help you out. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I thought it best not to mention a word of any of this to the wife. She can be rather jealous and possessive, and she is prone to getting hold of the wrong end of the stick. I never heard the last of it the other year after she accused me of taking too keen an interest in the baker's wife's buns. From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: The bank please contact them Sent: Wed, 15 Mar 2006 11:59:35 +0100 (CET) Dearest Gilbert Murray, Good day and many thanks for your mail detail I am well enough with your details and profile and I am very much happy to get someone like you I thank God by providing the kind of person I was asked in my prayer. Thank you also for sending me your ID PHOTO of yourself but would have preferred seeing your picture too. As per your admired to my picture and my pretty, as a matter of fact age is just a number and it will not stop me and you take quite a shine to you. The problem is that you are married and not only that you may not be my match for that. Well that is by the way. Let's leave it there till when we meet. I like older men with much experienced but must be healthy and fashionable, since he will be more than willing to share his years of experience with me and be a man of his words. I can't confirm you attractive from the photo you sent but think you will be if I see you in main picture. Comes to the main thing we are to discussed. I think we can invest in your business which you knows well everything depend on you as you will be the one to manage it while I will be schooling. As for my education I will like to start from where I stopped but the problem there is for me to go back to my country and get my papers. I was in my second year studying Marketing in Business Admin and will like to continue from there. So, I think we will leave that till I come over and we will sit and discuss everything together. What's next I want you to do is to bring out your full mind and time to face this transaction so that we will conclude it urgently. I will like us to do everything fast before they send me out from where I am staying as I am owing them some money. For over weeks now I have not pay and they are disturbing me. I will be happy if you can help me to pay this so that I have have rest in mind and construct in what we are doing. I have been here for long and have finished spending all the cash I have and you know that the money in the bank I have not access on yet because of the nature of the deposit unless the money is transferred out and this is why I need everything to be done so that I will be access to money and take good care of myself. With the trust I have in you here is the bank contact. Please contact the bank. Once you receive this mail, contact the bank immediately and inform them that I Princess Moreen Kabba daughter of late Chief Anthony Kabba who deposited $9 million with them have appointed you as the guardian to my welfare/inherited money and that you will want them to release and transfer the money immediately into your bank account. Then ask them what you must do to have the money transferred into your choice account. The contact of the bank is as follows:
Once you receive this mail, contact the bank immediately and get back with me. I am sure that once the bank hears from you, they will respond precisely. Thanking you for your kindness I remain in God's loving arms. Yours, Princess Moreen From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: I will get in touch with the bank Sent: Wed, 15 Mar 2006 11:43:58 Dear Princess Moreen, Thank you for your email. I must say, my dear girl, that my heart skipped a beat when I read that you do indeed like older men and - more than that - that you find me attractive and think that you could take a shine to me too! You could make an older man very happy, do you know that my dear? I can well understand your insistence that an older man must be fashionable and healthy. Well let me tell you that I always make sure that I keep up with the latest fashions. There isn't a month that goes by that doesn't see me visiting the local gentlemens' outfitters in the village to purchase a new pair of plus-fours or something in the latest tweed. Why only last week I purchased myself a fine looking deerstalker hat and a new pair of trousers in the best cavalry twill. Trust me my dear, I never fail to cut a dash. And as for my health, I can assure you that it's exemplary. Apart from a slight touch of lumbago and the odd spot of gout, I'm the very picture of health. I trust that as you learn more about me you are beginning to see - as I am - that you and I would make more than good business partners. In my opinion, the two of us would make a marvellous couple. My experience and worldliness would be a good foil to your young, callow naivety. I can see myself now, strolling along the streets of Gypping in the Marsh, my cane in one hand and you on the other. What a fine pair we will make, my dear girl. Now then, you mentioned the wife. Well don't you worry about her. Whatever love once flourished in the vineyard of that particular relationship has long since withered on the vine. It's probably for the best if I don't let on to the wife at the present moment, but don't you worry, my dear girl; as soon as we manage to get you over here to England I'll drop her like a ton of bricks and we'll be free to pursue our own budding relationship without any hindrance from that particular quarter. Anyway, first things first. Back to business. Thank you for sending me the contact details of the bank that's currently holding your money. Unfortunately, I've got to dash out on a job right now - Mrs Lingus over in the next village has a problem with her doorknockers and wants me to take a look at them - but I'll get onto the bank as soon as I get back and see what Mr Joel has to say for himself. Until then, you make sure that you look after yourself, my darling princess. And please don't worry about anything. I'll do everything in my power to assist you, my dear girl. With your looks and my brains - and with your money too, of course - I think the two of us are going to have a marvellous future together. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Jack Joel; Cc: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Regarding Princess Moreen Kabba's millions Sent: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 09:24:01 Dear Dr Joel, Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gilbert Arnold Murray. I am writing to inform you that Princess Moreen Kabba, the daughter of the late Chief Anthony Kabba who deposited $9 million in your bank before his untimely death at the hands of his wicked business associates, has appointed me as her legal guardian. As Princess Moreen's legal guardian, I am writing to request that you should release the $9 million and transfer the money into my own bank account with immediate effect. Kindly respond and let me know what information you need from me in order to carry out my wishes. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: I have contacted the bank Sent: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 09:46:17 My darling princess, How are you today, my sweet princess? I trust that you are managing to take good care of yourself, despite your current penurious state and your refugee status. Do get back to me and let me know how you are faring. As you will have seen from the email that I forwarded on to you, I have just been in contact with Dr Joel at the bank. Hopefully he will respond to my query in good time. I did mean to contact Dr Joel yesterday, but unfortunately the job of work I told you about - sorting out the problem that Mrs Lingus had with her doorknockers - took me all day to complete. Mrs Lingus lives in a fine old Georgian house which has an impressively grand double entrance door that is furnished with a large pair of exquisite antique brass doorknockers. I would go so far as to say that Mrs Lingus probably has the finest knockers in the parish. When I arrived at Mrs Lingus' house yesterday, it was immediately obvious to me that her knockers were not hanging straight, and indeed, this turned out to be the problem. According to Mrs Lingus - or Connie, as she is known to her friends - the damage was caused by the milkman last week. She told me that she had been at the rear of the house when the milkman arrived with his regular delivery of cream, so he had had to bang her knockers exceptionally hard to get her to come. Ever since then, her knockers have been hanging crookedly. I got my tools out of the van and examined Connie Lingus' knockers carefully. When dealing with such a fine pair of knockers, it is imperative to take one's time - after all, the last thing one wants to do is to damage them by rough treatment. Anyway, thankfully I managed to solve the problem and Mrs Lingus' knockers are now hanging completely straight, just as they should be. I have advised her to ask the milkman not to bang quite so hard next time he wants to deliver his cream. Now then, my dear girl, I have been doing some research into local education establishments, and I reckon that we might be able to enrol you into Felchingfield College of Further Education when you come over to this country. Apparently they do a number of courses which sound as if they may be right up your street. If you don't mind me saying so, it may also be worth your while taking a remedial class in English. After all, your English is not the best my dear, and we don't want people thinking that you're thick just because you can't write very well now, do we? Please get back to me as soon as you can and let me know how you are getting on. I can't wait to hear from you again. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I don't suppose you have any more photographs of yourself that you could send me? Although the photograph you sent me the other day is most fetching, it doesn't show much of your body, and I am very keen to know what I have got to look forward to when I see you in the flesh. From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Please very urgent Sent: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 11:54:53 +0100 (CET) My lovely Gilbert, Many thanks to your mail response and contacting the bank I gone through the mail you sent them and the content was OK. My lovely Gilbert I hope you are doing well and in good healthy? Honest I am not feeling well since yesterday after mailing to you that yesterday and returned to the guest house where I am staying I had a problem with the management because of my bill they want to send me out from there and place another person since I am not paying so I started crying and begging them and they said they gave me 24 hours to leave and with the bills since I don't want to pay. Now I don't have enough money to make a new reservation to another hotel and have not enough to pay them for the one I owe them. This is the problem I am facing right now and you know that the money in the bank, the bank told me I have no access to the money for now because of the nature of the deposit unless I am ready to seek for a premature withdrawal and must have to appoint a guardian which we are proceeding as you have contacted them for that. Please I will be very happy if you can help me with some money to pay the bills so that it will allow me to stay for a week for the bank to arrange the transfer. Please I want you to try your best for me please because I don't know where to stay if they send me out today. I will like you to try and send me some money if possible today as I will be begging them now to give me till tomorrow that you will be sending some money. Please try for me on this while waiting for the bank to process their transfer. As for your comment on my education that is never a problem for now and I will like you to leave everything until I come over and we will sit down and discuss the best way to follow that but I think what you suggested will be the best but let's leave if for now. Please and please I am waiting now to hear from you so that I will tell you how to send me the money. I am getting upset because of this and have no rest in mind since that yesterday it really made me a sleepless night so please do whatever to help me on this so that I will have rest in my mind and construct on follow up with the bank to do the transfer. I am eager to hear from you regarding this problem of my bills. For the picture I have more one picture here and I don't know if you will like it is old picture if you like I can still send it to you. Don't worry you will see me soon and I promised you that you will like me I am even more in person than picture. I am waiting. Your lovely princess From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: How best can I help you? Sent: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 12:13:26 My darling princess, I was devastated to read your latest email. It certainly sounds as if you are in a bit of a sticky situation at the moment. How have you allowed your financial situation to become so dire, my dear girl? Did your father not teach you the basics of financial management before his evil colleagues dispatched him to a better place? Did he not emphasise the importance of setting a budget and sticking to it before he began his new career of pushing up the daisies? Obviously not, if things have got so bad that you cannot even afford to pay for your board and lodgings. How has this come to pass? Have you been squandering what little money you have on expensive perfumes, handbags and other such fripperies? Is that it? My girl, I can see that I am going to have to take you firmly in hand when you come over to this country... otherwise before you know it you'll have blown your entire inheritance on shoes, makeup and suchlike. Your late father probably realised how bad you were at managing your money. No doubt that is why he insisted that you look for a responsible guardian (such as myself) to look after your money for you until you reach a less tender age. How lucky you were to come across me, my dear girl. You know that you can trust me to look after every single penny of your money and to ensure that it is spent - or invested - wisely. Anyway, from what you have written, it sounds as if you need some help from me immediately. We can't have you being thrown out onto the street simply because you can't pay your bills. Please get back to me by return and let me know how I can best help you. For the time being, if I may make a suggestion, have you thought of using your feminine wiles and your considerable charms to your advantage? In my experience, men find it very difficult to say no to a pretty face... and you, my dear, have a very pretty face indeed. If you take my advice, you will put on a bit of makeup, do your hair nicely and put on your most revealing outfit, then go to see the manager of the guest house at which you are currently staying. I am sure that with a bit of pleading on your part - and perhaps with some subtle fluttering of the eyelashes - you will be able to persuade the guest house manager not to throw you out onto the street. As this business with the bank will probably take some time to sort out, you may want to think about trying to come to some arrangement with the manager that will allow you to pay for your board and lodgings in kind - if you know what I mean. I am sure that the manager of the guest house would agree that a pretty young thing like you has more desirable things than money to offer in return for a bed for the night. Go to him this afternoon and see what you can work out my dear, and let know how you get on. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Regarding the picture you mentioned, please do send it on to me. I am eager to see as much of you as possible. PPS. I was rather perturbed to see you mentioning the possibility of making "a premature withdrawal" in your email. Are of the Catholic persuasion by any chance, my dear girl? Regardless of this, I do think it is rather early in our relationship for us to start discussing the method of contraception we plan to use. All in good time, my dear, all in good time. From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Please do help me this way! Urgently! Sent: Thu, 16 Mar 2006 15:21:43 +0100 (CET) My lovely Gilbert, Thanks for your quick response and your words to me. I must tell you that the manager is a dog. He don't know his grade and he wants to sent me out just because I cannot afford to pay my bills. He want me to sleep with him and I can't do that over my death body. If worst come to worst I will hang on the street or kill myself instead of doing his request just because of my bills. My lovely one as for your thought my father do teach of financial management OK. I want to tell you that I did not useless my money in anything or making up. You knows my situation and how I manage to escape from my father's enemies in my country. I have no passport to travel because there was not time to process it and I have to leave through land and become robed on my way they collected all my saving money that I withdraw from my school account before I entered this country to seek for this money in the bank. Since then I have been managing to sell some of my things like jewellery and have nothing to sell at this moment that is why I asked you for this. I have been begging the dog and he agreed and started requesting to sleep with me and I refused and he then said I should pay or I leave. Please I don't want you to start counting where I am right in this or where I am wrong and I want you to know that I can never ever give myself to this dog because of the penny bills I owe them instead of that I better kill myself. Please and please all I want you to do now to help me is to please try your best and see how much you can send to me at least 400 or 500 will be OK for me to look for another place or pay them and continue my staying till we conclude everything. I don't know what to do as from tomorrow and where to sleep. Please I will want you to try and send me this money if possible today. I want you to take this money and ask of any Western Union office. Go there and ask them to send it to your process and they will do that. Once they send it write me and inform me with the information to cash it. While sending it ask them to send it like this:
Please do this for me so that I will have rest in mind and I will be very much happy if you can do it for me. I will be waiting for your urgent action. Thanks and God bless you. Your lovely princess PS. Here is another picture hope you will love. From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: How best can I help you? Sent: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 10:23:54 +0100 (CET) My darling Gilbert, I hope you are doing well and in good healthy? I have not hear from you since that yesterday and I am getting upset because today is the last day they gave me to leave I did not sleep last nighty because of this problem. Please let me know what you can do. I am waiting. Your princess From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: What on earth were you thinking of, my dear? Sent: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 09:35:53 My darling princess, I have just read the email you sent to me yesterday, and I have to tell you that I am in shock. What on earth were you thinking of, my dear? When I suggested that you should try to come to some arrangement with the guest house manager to pay your debts in kind, I was thinking more along the lines of you offering to wash the dishes or clean the rooms for a few days. I certainly wasn't expecting you to got to see the man and offer up your young, lithesome body to him as if you were some cheap two-bit whore! That's no way for a princess to behave, my dear! Where is your sense of decorum? I can tell you now that if your father was alive today, he'd turn in his grave if he knew that you were attempting to prostitute yourself in order to pay a few measly debts. Shame on you, my dear! What is worse, I had assumed that you would be wanting to keep yourself pure for me, my dear girl. I am deeply disappointed in you. Mind you, having said that, I think we need to look at this situation logically and dispassionately. I can appreciate that it's probably not an ideal situation, but needs must when the devil drives. Thinking about it, seeing as you have started off down this road anyway, it occurs to me that sleeping with the guest house manager would provide you with one relatively easy - and inexpensive - answer to your current problems. It would save me a bit of money too. On top of that, my nearest Western Union agent is quite some distance away. It would be terribly inconvenient for me if I had to travel all the way there and back just to transfer such a small amount of money to you - especially when a quicker, simpler and cheaper answer to your problems is staring you in the face. Let's look at the facts:
Looking at this logically, my dear, I am beginning to think that maybe you should sleep with the man after all. Do you think it's too late for you to go to see him again and make arrangements? I'm sure it won't be too difficult, my dear. After all, we all have to do things that we don't like every now and again. Can't you just lie back and think of England... or Sierra Leone in your case? Now just in case you are worried that I won't want you any more now that I know that you're willing to prostitute yourself to any old Tom, Dick or Harry in order to pay your bills, please think nothing of it, my dear. I'm a man of the world - believe me, I've been around the block a few times, unbeknownst to the wife - and as long as you promise to be unstintingly faithful to me once you've moved over to England, I'm more than willing to overlook the fact that you're having to whore yourself on this particular occasion. Just make sure you use some form of protection and let's say no more about it. Now then, I still haven't heard back from Dr Joel at the bank. Do you have any idea what the delay could be? I'm itching to get started with this money transfer, and Dr Joel's failure to respond isn't exactly helping matters. Is there anything you can do to hurry the man up? Do get back to me as soon as you can and let me know how you get on with the guest house manager. Obviously, I don't want all the gory details, but as long as I know you're alright, that's all that matters. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Thank you for sending me the second picture of yourself. To be perfectly honest there were a few too many clothes in the picture for my liking, but I'm a patient man and I'm willing to wait until I see you in the flesh. From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Jack Joel; Cc: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Regarding Princess Moreen Kabba's millions Sent: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 09:38:22 Dear Dr Joel, As the legal guardian of the fragrant Princess Moreen Kabba, I emailed you yesterday regarding a large sum of money that her late father, Chief Anthony Kabba, deposited in your bank some years ago, requesting that you make arrangements to transfer the money into a bank account of my choosing. I am extremely disappointed to see that you have not yet seen fit to respond to my email. It may interest you to know that Princess Moreen is currently in a very difficult financial situation, and I am therefore keen to expedite this matter as soon as possible. With this in mind, kindly respond to my request at once so that we can make some progress. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: What on earth were you thinking of, my dear? Sent: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 11:54:48 +0100 (CET) My darling Gilbert, I can't believe you will email me without good news on the money I requested from you. You are still suggesting to me unacceptable things to me. This excuse don't mean anything if you were to help me. You can't give this excuse. They have enough people working here and I can't even do that OK. If I don't hear from you before evening that means you may not hear from me for some time till I find a solution to follow. You don't like me because if you do you will not find this my problem anyhow even if it is 100 I requested can't you because of the love and how I found the problem travel to another state to send this money to me? I don't know what to do now and I can't go to the bank because it is far from here and I have to go with counting taxis. Bus don't go there. Please I want you to call the management and talk to them and see if they will respect you and allow me some days so that we will conclude the transfer before then. I don't know about the Dr Jack why he never reply you but I hope he will. Maybe they are very busy. In case here is the number of the guest house and I am in ROOM 14 call and try to talk to me if they will accept you: +225 07394854. I am here waiting. My offered time code to access the internet is finished and I can't email you again unless there is a way other. Bye for now. Your princess PS. I am not happy. From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: I am trying my best to help, my dear Sent: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 11:15:28 My darling princess, You don't seem to understand that I am doing all I can to help you out, my dear. You say that I am suggesting "unacceptable things" to you... well it was you who first brought up the idea of prostituting yourself to the guest house manager in order to pay off your debts, not me! I wouldn't have suggested that to you in a million years, had you not brought it up in the first place. I can understand that you are in a difficult situation, my sweet princess. I am merely trying to think of ways in which we can get you out of this situation quickly and easily. You don't seem to realise that I am an extremely busy man, with customers clamouring for my attention at all hours of the day. I have a business to run, my dear: I can't simply drop everything to waste half a day travelling to and from the nearest Western Union agent (which is a considerable distance away) merely to transfer some trifling amount of money to you. How difficult can it possibly be for you to raise a few hundred pounds anyway? Use your initiative, my dear, and help us both out. I think we need to concentrate on the main matter at hand here: getting your $9 million transferred into my bank account. I have emailed Dr Joel twice now, and I am still waiting for the man to respond to me. If the man doesn't have the common decency to respond to my emails, I'm damned if I'm going to waste my money on an international telephone call to him, especially seeing as I'll probably just be kept on hold for half an hour or so by his secretary before being cut off. No, what we need to happen here is for the man to start responding to my emails. Then we can make some real progress here. Look, my dear, regarding your current situation. I simply have no time to travel all the way to the Western Union agent today, and I am going away with my wife this weekend. Here's what I suggest: you do your level best to raise a bit of money yourself over the next few days - however you can - and if you are still in need of a bit of financial help next week, get back to me and I'll see what I can do. I may well have a free afternoon on Wednesday or Thursday during which I could travel over to the Western Union agent. But until then, my hands are tied: I'm simply too busy. I've got to rush out of the door right now, for example, to visit one of my clients in Frottagesham, a Mr Atio. He's called me up to complain that there is something wrong with the new doorknob I fitted for him last week. He tells me that the doorknob has been rather stiff ever since I fitted it and that it has got progressively worse as the week has gone by. When he returned to his house this morning after nipping out to buy a paper, he apparently found that it was so stiff that he couldn't actually open the door and get into his house. Customer satisfaction is very important to me, so I'm going straight over to Frottagesham now. In the meantime, why don't you see if you can get in touch with the bank and persuade them to get a move on? Get back to me and let me know how you get on. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: I am trying my best to help, my dear Sent: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 12:36:02 +0100 (CET) My darling Gilbert, Well I heard you and I want to you know that I never suggested prostituting rather the dog was approaching me for that and that was what I told you mind you I didn't tell you I want to prostitute with him!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do and if I am important to you, you have the number I gave you to call and find out what will happen to me after today. I can only pray to God to teach Dr Jack wherever he is now to get back to you as you have mailed him many times without respond. Bye From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: You are extremely important to me, my dear Sent: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 14:04:11 My darling princess, I have just got back from Frottagesham and read your last email. I can only think that we must have got our wires crossed somewhere: we seem to be talking at cross purposes here. Please let me reassure you that you are extremely important to me, my dear: my future plans for expanding my company - and for throwing my wife out - are completely dependent on you. Incidentally, I didn't realise that the guest house manager wanted to get his dog involved in his little liason with you as well. I have to say, I'm a man of the world but that kind of thing really turns my stomach. I'm surprised you were even willing to consider it. I think the less said on that particular subject, the better. You'll be pleased to hear that I managed to sort out Mr Atio's doorknob problem without too much trouble. When I got to Frottagesham, I found Mr Atio - or Phil, as he is known to his friends - standing under his porch, shivering with the cold. I tried the doorknob myself to see if I could get it to move, but I couldn't get it to budge an inch; it was stuck fast. I've never come across such a stiff knob in all my life. I could see at once that my only course of action would be to remove the knob from the door: that would enable me to release the doorlock mechanism from within and open the door. Fortunately, I had my toolbox in the van. I fetched it and took out a screwdriver and some lubricating oil. I started off by undoing the screws that held the knob to the door. I then greased up Phil Atio's knob with liberal amounts of lubrication, before grasping it firmly with both hands and giving it a good hard tug. Mr Atio shouted excitedly as I tugged away at his greasy knob, but I didn't seem to be getting anywhere fast. Finally, with one last tug - and to his obvious delight - Mr Atio's knob came off in my hands. After that - once I had wiped my hands - it was a relatively simple job for me to open his door and to fit a brand new brass doorknob for him. Now then, back to business. I still haven't heard a peep from the bank: what terrible customer service. I do wish your father had deposited his money in a bank that had a customer service ethic more akin to my own. We'd be halfway towards recovering your money by now if he had done. Anyway, fingers crossed that I will hear back from Dr Joel before the end of the day so that we can make some progress at last. As I mentioned to you in my last email, I am going away with the wife for the weekend, my dear. I do hope that you manage to hold things together until next week. Like I said, if you still find yourself in a sticky situation next week, don't hesitate to contact me: I should be able to find the time to travel to the Western Union office then, as I'm not expecting to be quite so rushed off my feet with work. Do have a pleasant weekend, my dear, and do try your best to stay off the streets. I shall be thinking of you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Dr Jack Joel To: Gilbert Murray Subject: FOREIGN TRANSFER UNIT EQUITYBANK ABIDJAN CI Sent: Sat, 18 Mar 2006 02:42:36 -0800 (PST) ATTN: GILBERT MURRAY, WE ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR MAIL DATED 16/17TH MARCH 2006 IN ESTATE OF ONE PRINCESS MOREEN KABBA. ACCORDING TO OUR CUSTOMER RIGHT PROVISION ACT, WE LACK AUTHORITY TO DENY SUCH TRANSFERS NOR CAUSE UNDUE PROTOCOLS IN EFFECT OF SUCH. HOWEVER, WE MAINTAIN AN INSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO PROPERLY SCRUTINISE IN ACCORDANCE TO FINANCIAL ACT AND FOREIGN REMITTANCE LAW OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF COTE D'IVOIRE SUCH FUND TRANSFERS IN CHECK OF TERRORISM, DRUG TRAFFICKING, IMPERSONATION AND FRAUDULENT PRACTICES, DO HEREBY REQUIRE THE UNDERLISTED DOCUMENTS TO ENABLE US EFFECT THE TRANSFER ACCORDINGLY:
TO THIS REGARD YOU ARE TO CONTACT A FINANCIAL ATTORNEY HERE IN COTE D'IVOIRE WHOSE SERVICES YOU WILL SEEK FOR THE PROCUREMENT OF THE FORENOTED. SECONDLY, YOU COULD USE YOUR LOCAL PARTNER MISS PRINCESS MOREEN KABBA TO PROVIDE THE SERVICES OF AN ATTORNEY IN THIS REGARD. LASTLY, YOU COULD HIRE THE SERVICES OF OUR BANK LEGAL DEPARTMENT. HE WILL HELP YOU TO GET THIS DOCUMENT FOR THE TRANSFER TO EFFECT FAST AND PROMPTLY. THE CONTACT OF OUR LEGAL DEPARTMENT IS AS FOLLOWS:
WE AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE. YOURS SINCERELY, DR JACK JOEL DIRECTOR FOREIGN TRANSFER EBA ABJ CI From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Good news: the bank has been in touch Sent: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 09:48:05 My darling princess, How are you today, my dear girl? I trust that you had a pleasant weekend and that you managed - one way or another - to persuade the guest house manager not to kick you out onto the street. I had a splendid weekend myself. As I told you, I went away for the weekend with the wife. We stayed in a marvellous hotel - it was extremely opulent - and we had a very relaxing time together. Of course, I would have enjoyed myself far more if I had been with you rather than with the wife, but we shall have to wait a short while longer before we can be together. I look forward to spending many a weekend with you in the same hotel in the future. The room service is excellent, the staff are discreet, and most importantly the beds are well-constructed and extremely comfortable. Anyway, I write with good news, my dear girl: Dr Joel from the bank has been in touch. He tells me that I need to procure a number of documents and he suggested that it might be worth my while getting a lawyer involved to deal with the paperwork, court work and suchlike. As it happens, there is an excellent lawyer in the village - Welsby, of the legal firm Elton and Welsby - whose services I have been using for over ten years. Welsby's a fine lawyer, and very well-respected in Lincolnshire legal circles. He also charges extremely reasonable fees. Welsby's got the sharpest legal brain I've ever come across. He proved invaluable last year after an unfortunate incident involving a postman who got his hand stuck fast in a very firmly-sprung letter box I had installed in the front door of a remote farmhouse. Despite his best efforts, the postman seemingly couldn't remove his hand from the letter box. Unfortunately the farmer and his family were away on an extended holiday for three weeks, and as the cottage was so remote nobody could hear the postman's increasingly desperate cries for help. The farmer was most perplexed to find the postman's lifeless body on his front doorstep when he returned from holiday. Welsby worked wonders in the ensuing court case. Not only did he manage to get all charges dropped, he also persuaded the judge to award me costs against the bereaved family. I can't recommend Welsby highly enough. Do you think I ought to contact him and see if he can help us out in this matter, my dear girl? I am sure he would do an excellent job for us. Do get back to me as soon as you can with an update on your current situation, and let me know what you think about getting Welsby on board. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Dr Jack Joel Subject: Thank you for getting back to me Sent: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 09:53:26 Dear Dr Joel, Thank you for getting back to me at long last regarding the $9 million that Princess Moreen Kabba's late father deposited in your bank. Better late than never. I have taken note of the documents you require in order to release the money to me and I can see that it makes sense for me to employ the services of a lawyer in order to obtain the necessary documents for me. Thank you for sending me details of your own lawyer, but I do not think I will be needing his services; as it happens, I know an extremely good lawyer in the village, and I have suggested to Princess Moreen that we should contact him and see if he will be able to act on our behalf. I or my lawyer will contact you again as soon as I have arranged my legal representation. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Could I ask you not to write your future emails COMPLETELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS? Quite apart from the fact that it makes them terribly difficult to read, in this country only very young children and complete cretins write COMPLETELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS. From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Help me out Sent: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 12:11:25 +0100 (CET) My darling Gilbert, I come to write you and see you have already did wrote me. Nice to hear from you. Honestly I am not happy with my condition here and as you did not do anything till now regarding my problem and right now that has putting me in a very big problem. Now the problem is between me and the owner of the guest house as he visited the guest house and informed about my debt. I want you to know that all my things and ID card is with him and he said I must pay and leave under 72 hours or he will hand me over to a police. Please I want to know what is in your mind. Do you want me to just go to police like this? Please if you know you cannot do something on this and allow me go to police maybe before they will leave me the bank will transfer the money to you and we will stop everything process regarding the transfer. Please help me with the money I requested. Please now I am not allowed to go out because they said I want to run and that was why the owner of the guest house ask them to hold my ID card. I wrote to the bank and they inform me of the required documents and I was told that the lawyer must come from this country and those documents must be obtained from the court here so I don't know why you are talking of Elton and Welsby? We need a lawyer here. You can reconfirm this from the bank because this is what I was told in the mail. Please I want you to send me the money I requested. Please for God's sake so that I will have rest in MIND. The woman wants to help me here with the money the cooker but she said she talk to somebody to give her but the person said she don't have for now. Please if you really want to help me do this for me now I don't want to go to police because of this the man is wicked. Please do something about this now I still have access to the internet. I am waiting. Your unhappy darling, Princess From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Do you mean to say that I won't be able to use Welsby in this business? Sent: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 16:01:48 My darling princess, Thank you for your email. I must say, my dear girl, that I did find it rather difficult to understand at times. The sooner we get you over to this country and enrolled onto a remedial class in English, the better. Who knows... perhaps your inability to express yourself clearly is partly to blame for the troubles you are currently experiencing. I really do think that we are in danger of allowing these small difficulties that you are currently experiencing to get in the way of our main business, namely the transfer of your late father's $9 million into my bank account. Can you not show some initiative for once my dear, and sort out these little problems under your own steam? Surely you must have a friend who can offer you a bed or a sofa to sleep on for a few weeks, until we can get you safely over to England? Perhaps now would be a good time to call in some favours. And please do stop begging, my dear girl. All you seem to do each time you email me is beg me to send you some money. This is most unbecoming behaviour my dear, and quite unfitting for a princess such as yourself. I'll bet your late father wouldn't approve of the way you are acting at the moment: first of all you go offering your slender, supple young body to the guest house manager in an attempt to pay off your debts, and now here you are, acting like a common beggar. Where is your self respect, my dear girl? Please do try and show some dignity. Now then, back to business. You say that you have been in touch with the bank and that they have told you that I need to employ the services of a lawyer from the Ivory Coast? That is most irritating: Welsby is the finest lawyer I know, and to be frank I would rather place my John Thomas into one of my spring-loaded letterboxes than place my business affairs in the hands of a man I do not know. Dr Joel has sent me the details of someone in their legal department who I could contact regarding this affair. Before I do so, do you know any suitable lawyers yourself whose services we could use? I always like to get personal recommendations whenever I look for a tradesman to make sure that I don't get ripped off by some overcharging charlatan. Do get back to me as soon as you can and let me know what you think I should do about getting us some legal representation, there's a good girl. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Chin up, my love: things may be rather difficult for you at the moment, but never forget that before too long you'll be safely over in England and that we'll be spending the rest of our lives together happily. Out of interest, are you any good at cooking? From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Do you mean to say that I won't be able to use Welsby in this business? Sent: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 18:00:25 +0100 (CET) Darling Gilbert, I am sorry if I have asked you for this help too much but I want to let you know that I am not happy with the troubles I am currently experiencing now. I have try all I can and all I need is rest in mind this is why I am disturbing you because this problem is getting me upset. But if you don't mind please get me clearly than all this words. I am thinking maybe this is how you will treat me once when I come to stay with you. It does not looks caring you know since you cannot do something in what I told you that keeping me sleepless every night. When will you do something? I can't show my face to people here because of this look at me!! I know you are telling me I beg too much. Look I think we are getting to be one and that gives me the mind of expressing my problem and opening up everything about me to you but your words is making me to understand is as a mistake I made. Now I want to hear from you on what you want me to do in this. Tell me if you cannot help in this regard and I will know. Yes bear it we won't be able to use Welsby in this business because he is not here and not from Cote d'Ivoire as I was told. I don't know who the bank gave you the detail but if you don't want to make use of the person through the bank let me know so that I will get someone I know through the UN. He will do the service better for us. I am waiting. Your princess From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Can you recommend a UN-accredited lawyer that we can use? Sent: Tue, 21 Mar 2006 09:34:16 My darling princess, Thank you for your email. If we cannot use Welsby for this business, I have to admit that I am somewhat dubious about the idea of using the lawyer that Dr Joel recommended to me: I would much rather use the services of a lawyer who is completely independent of the bank. If you can recommend a UN-accredited lawyer, I would be much happier about using their services: if they are accredited by the United Nations, presumably they will follow recognised codes of practice and have a well-defined and reasonable charging structure. Could you please send me details of this UN-accredited lawyer by return, and I will contact them forthwith? Thinking about it, if you have contacts in the UN as you say, it may be worth your while talking to them about your current predicament: perhaps they may be able to help in some way. You never know, if you have a word with the right person they may be willing to lay on a special aid drop for you or something. It has to be worth a try. Now then, you say that you are having sleepless nights. We can't have that, my dear; a good night's sleep is very important, especially to a young person like you. Here's a tip I learned years ago: if you're having problems getting to sleep, simply knock back a bottle of whisky just before you go to bed. Trust me, my dear, you'll go out like a light. It works for me every time. I must go now: I've got to travel over to Much Letching on the Hill to have a look at a letter box I installed a few weeks ago for Mrs Filia. Apparently her husband, Peter, has been complaining that her box is too tight and he's asked me to see what I can do about widening her hole. Do get back to me as soon as you can with details of this UN-accredited lawyer, won't you? The sooner we can get this business sorted out, the sooner we can get you moved over to England into my loving arms. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Can you recommend a UN-accredited lawyer that we can use? Sent: Tue, 21 Mar 2006 13:52:28 +0100 (CET) My darling Gilbert, Here I have the contact of two accredited that link to UN. You can contact the any of the two and the bank one to find out who is best to do this service for us. Attorney DI Zigana
Attorney Forgan Aka
So let me know what you discussed with any of them. I am waiting. Your princess From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: I will contact Mr Aka Sent: Tue, 21 Mar 2006 15:45:21 My darling princess, Thank you for sending me the details of those two UN-accredited attorneys. As it happens, Mr Aka is the attorney that Dr Joel at the bank recommended to me. I didn't realise at the time that he was accredited by the United Nations. As it now appears that he is UN-accredited, I will be more than happy to work with him on this business. I will contact him immediately and see what he says. While we are on the subject of the UN, did you ask your contacts about your current predicament, my dear? Does it look as if they are going to be able to lay on a special aid drop for you? I do hope so. You will be pleased to hear that my trip to Much Letching on the Hill to widen Mrs Filia's letter box went very well. Mr and Mrs Filia have a rather unusual (and expensive) letter box: it has two flaps on the outside, rather than the usual one. Peter Filia showed me just how tight his wife's box was as soon as I arrived. Fortunately, I had remembered to bring with me a special tool that I could use to enlarge the letter box hole to make it easier to post letters through, so I went and got it from the van without delay. Holding Mrs Filia's flaps open with one hand, I grasped my tool in the other hand and inserted it carefully into her box. I could feel at once just how tight her box really was: my tool would barely fit inside. I started carefully working my tool in and out of her slot. After a few moments I could feel her slot getting wider and wider with every thrust of my tool, and before too long my tool was flapping about loosely inside her box. When I was done I withdrew my tool carefully and wiped it on a tissue. After I had finished, I called over Peter Filia to inspect his wife's newly-widened box. He opened up her flaps and inserted first one finger into her slot, then two, and then his entire hand. He was extremely pleased: he told me that he'd never been able to get his whole hand inside his wife's box before. I drove away happy in the knowledge that I had left another satisfied customer in my wake. Let us hope that Mr Aka cares as much as I do about keeping his customers satisfied. We shall see. Incidentally my dear, I will be unavailable tomorrow: I will be away for the whole day, collecting supplies for my business. However, I should be back in contact on Thursday. Do let me know how you are getting on. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to seeing you over here in England in the flesh for the first time. I am sure that we are going to be very happy together. Tell me, my dear girl, are you any good at ironing? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Forgan Aka; Cc: Princess Moreen Kabba; Dr Jack Joel Subject: A query regarding your services Sent: Tue, 21 Mar 2006 16:04:52 Dear Mr Aka, My name is Gilbert Murray. I am the legal guardian of Princess Moreen Kabba, the daughter of the late Chief Anthony Kabba, who deposited $9 million into an account with Equitybank before his unfortunate and untimely death. As Princess Moreen's legal guardian, I am seeking to have this money transferred into my own bank account so that I can administer it on Princess Moreen's behalf until such time as she reaches an age at which she can be trusted to manage the money herself. Your name was passed on to me by Dr Jack Joel of Equitybank and by Princess Moreen herself, and I am considering employing you to obtain a number of documents on my behalf that are apparently required before the transfer can take place. In brief, the bank has informed me that I need to obtain the following documents:
So, Mr Aka, I have two questions for you: firstly, do you think that you will be able to help me to obtain the above documents, and secondly, how much will it cost me to retain your services for this business? If you will be able to help me in this business, please get back to me by return with a detailed breakdown of your costs and charges, and with some idea of how long you think the process will take. I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Forgan Aka To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Attn: Mr Gilbert Murray Sent: Wed, 22 Mar 2006 03:45:21 -0800 (PST) Attn: Mr Gilbert Murray, We received your mail dated Tue 21 Mar 2006 enquiring the phase and need for updates. We have enquired on the required documents from the various institutions and has succinctly noted it below for your conveniences and earnest response.
Note: you have to pay immediately for the obtainment of the above documents which amounts to $9,000 only which is the governmental fee with the information below. You can send the money through WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR MONEYGRAM INTERNATIONAL MONEY TRANSFER is the fastest way so we can start urgently. We assure you of getting the whole documents obtained under 72 hours. Anticipating your earnest response. Yours sincerely, Barr Forgan Aka LLB, BL, AMNMA Legal adviser, West Atlantic Bank of Abidjan, Equitybank, Abidjan From: Gilbert Murray To: Forgan Aka; Cc: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Regarding your breakdown of fees Sent: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 10:01:17 Dear Mr Aka, Thank you for your email and for providing me with a comprehensive breakdown of the fees involved in obtaining the documents that will be required in order to transfer Princess Moreen's inheritance into my bank account. Having got out my calculator and added up all of the fees you mentioned, I see that the total amount you are asking for comes to $99,000! That's over 56,000 in real money! I am sorry Mr Aka, but I simply don't have access to that amount of money; I do have about 10,000 saved up for a rainy day, but I would have to remortgage Hemlock Cottage in order to come up with the amount of money that you are asking for! I have used the same lawyer for over ten years now - Welsby, of the legal firm Elton and Welsby - and his legal fees have never come to anything like as much as the amount you are asking for. No matter what I have asked him to do, his legal fees have never exceeded 6,000. For God's sake man, I could buy myself a peerage with the amount of money you are asking for! Asking for $99,000 simply to shuffle a few bits of paper around your desk and sign your name on a few documents is clearly outrageous. I can only assume that you are having a little joke with me - pulling my leg, if you like. Well ha ha, very funny. I like a man with a sense of humour. However, now that you've had your bit of fun, let's get serious. Please send me your real breakdown of fees by return so that we can make some progress here. I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Forgan Aka To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Attn: Mr Gilbert Murray Sent: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 04:39:51 -0800 (PST) Attn: Mr Gilbert Murray, Sequel to your today's mail in respect of my given breakdown of the fees required for obtainment of documents required to complete the wire transfer of Princess Moreen Kabba. I want to clarified you that the inherent fees that we required to complete obtainment of needed documents is $9,000 only which is the governmental fees and it is required to enable us to facilitate the services you requested. While we try to charge you according to the amount involved as our services charge after the successful transfer of the fund into your account which will be totalled to the amount of $90,000 and is also negotiable! So let's negotiate on our services charge and how we are going to get paid! Is it after the successful job or the transfer of the fund? Don't feel I am pulling your leg as we do charge accordingly and according to the amount involved! This involved a huge amount and it will appear on those documents and will make some honourables whose signature will appear on the documents to expect something from me at the end of the day. So my dear know it that the documents only will cost $9,000 only (nine thousand United States dollars only) from the various institutions. Anticipating your earnest response. Yours sincerely, Barr Forgan Aka LLB, BL, AMNMA Legal adviser, West Atlantic Bank of Abidjan, Equitybank, Abidjan From: Princess Moreen Kabba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: My darling Gilbert Sent: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 14:34:21 +0100 (CET) My darling Gilbert, How are you doing today my dear? I hope you are in good health and doing well that is my prayer. Yes how was your trip to Much Letching? I hope you had a successful one. I have read your mail and see that Mr Aka is asking too much and I called him to tell him that he said is lie that all the documents we need is $9,000 to pay in the places he will get them. He said that this $9,000 is needed to proceed as he will have to pay the government before stamping that is why it is needed. He said that he told you we will pay him $90,000 but that is after our money is transferred. He said that the $90,000 we can still talk on. That is not much but I should know that whoever we meet here that is in position to do the job for us must ask us from this $90,000 up and some may need part payment of it. He said that some may cut down their charge and high the government fees that if we want to use another person that I should know that the government fee he gave you is exactly that I can go to the places myself and enquire for that that I will see that it is the same but I cannot get it myself. So what do you think? What are you going to do? I just sold my ring yesterday and I sold it for 170,000 CFA which is more than $300. I have paid some money to the dog. I can't leave here until we conclude this because here is not too cost and the environment is OK. How are you dreaming about me? Do you know I saw you on my dream? I will tell you more. Please let me know what we are going to do. Your darling princess From: Gilbert Murray To: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Mr Aka is trying to rip us off Sent: Tue, 21 Mar 2006 15:06:11 My darling princess, Thank you for your email. It was good to hear from you. Now listen to me, my dear girl. Although I am pleased to see that you have done as I suggested and used your own initiative to pay off your debts, I was horrified to hear that you were willing to stoop so low as to sell your ring to a complete stranger. Have you no shred of dignity whatsoever left in you, my girl? Quite apart from the fact that it must have stung like hell, I have to admit that I had been looking forward to trying out your ring myself once you had moved over here, in its pure and unsullied state - the wife's never allowed me to try that kind of thing with her. I'm not sure that I will want to any more, now that some other man has beaten me to it. Anyway, I suppose what is done is done. I just hope that he wasn't a particularly large man, otherwise no doubt you'll be having difficulties sitting down for the next few days. There's certainly more to you than meets the eye, my dear. Now just mind that you don't go getting a reputation for yourself, do you hear? If you're not careful, you're in danger of ending up with a long queue of men outside your door, all eager to buy access to your ring. We had a girl like that in the village a few years ago, but fortunately the parish council managed to persuade her to move on. They only had to tar and feather her twice before she packed her bags and left. Now then, back to business. I'm sorry to say that Mr Aka appears to be trying to rip us off. I've no problem with the $9,000 he says it will cost to obtain these documents. What I do object to is the $90,000 personal fee he is trying to extract from us. Such a fee is plainly outrageous. I've no doubt in my mind that he's trying to take advantage of your youth and inexperience and make a fast buck at your expense. Your late father probably had precisely this kind of thing in mind when he stipulated that you should get an experienced older person to look after your money for you until you'd become less young and callow. Well don't you worry, my dear. I can spot a money-grabbing shyster when I see one, and I'll be doing my damndest to knock down Mr Aka's fees to a more reasonable level. You just leave it to me. I'll knock off a quick email to Mr Aka right away. After that I've got to nip out to see one of my clients who's having a problem with a doorbell I installed for him last month. Apparently the button on the doorbell has become rather difficult to push, and he tells me that it hurts every time he touches his bell end. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You said that you had dreamed about me. Please do tell me more! PPS. Mr Aka tells me that he won't be able to obtain a copy of your late father's death certificate, and advised me to ask you for a copy. Please send me a copy by return. From: Gilbert Murray To: Forgan Aka; Cc: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Regarding your fees Sent: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 15:14:18 Dear Mr Aka, Thank you for your email. Please allow me to be brief in my response: I have to go out on business shortly. I do not have a problem with the $9,000 that you say it will cost to obtain the documents we need; that fee sounds reasonable enough - if a little on the high side. What I do have a problem with is the $90,000 you are attempting to charge as a personal fee. This is a completely unreasonable amount. Let us examine the facts here. You say that once you start work you will be able to obtain the documents we need in seventy-two hours - ie in three days. Charging $90,000 for three days' work means that you are charging $30,000 PER DAY! Presuming that you work a seven-hour day, that works out at over $4,000 PER HOUR! As far as I know, Mr Aka, not even international footballers get paid that amount of money and you, my dear sir, are no David Beckham. I trust that you can see how unreasonable your demands are. To be perfectly honest with you, I am disappointed and saddened by the fact that you even attempted to charge this amount of money for your services. It looks to me as if you are trying to rip me off. You say that this fee is negotiable. Damn right it is. Get back to me at once with a more reasonable figure, and we shall take it from there. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Forgan Aka To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Regarding your fees Sent: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 11:16:04 -0800 (PST) Attn: Mr Gilbert Murray, Like I said before, I was trying to charge according to the amount involved and that is how we sometimes do in anything relating to change of ownership or to the nature of this job. I am not too greedy to charge $90,000 to get huge of $9,000,000 transferred to you successfully, it worthy given the total amount involved and the services I am rendering to you and I feel that this is a one chance opportunity that comes a while! Let me ask you a question, if you were me and have this opportunity won't you request more than 1%? Now if I may ask you to pay my consultation fees and transportation according to the normal way of local service here which will amount to $700 including the governmental fees of $9,000. What can you do for me after the successful completion of the service/the transfer of the fund? How much will you pay? I have told you $90,000 then let's hear from you on this how much you think that fit the service. Let's not camper this service with others we do but the amount involved. Anticipating your earnest response. Yours sincerely, Barr Forgan Aka LLB, BL, AMNMA Legal adviser, West Atlantic Bank of Abidjan, Equitybank, Abidjan From: Gilbert Murray To: Forgan Aka; Cc: Princess Moreen Kabba Subject: Let us be straight with one another Sent: Fri, 24 Mar 2006 09:15:19 Dear Mr Aka, Although we work in very different fields - you in the field of law and me in the field of knobs and knockers - we are both businessmen, and we both have to earn a living. Let us therefore be straight with one another. It has always been my opinion - and this is an opinion that is widely-shared amongst business people across the globe - that one should charge a fair rate for the work that one carries out for one's clients. For example, if I install a new doorknob for someone I charge them according to two variables, namely the amount of time that I have spent on the job and the cost of the materials involved. What I most emphatically do not do is to take a look at my client, work out how much I think they can afford to pay, and charge as much as I think I can possibly get away with. That would be completely wrong on a number of levels. But that, Mr Aka, is precisely what you are attempting to do! I accept that I will have to pay $9,000 in fees to obtain the documents that I require. That is not at issue here. What is at issue here is your personal fee. You have already told me that it is only going to take you three days to carry out this work. To pay you $90,000 for a mere three days' work would be completely outrageous. I consider it laughable that you consider that your services could possibly be worth such a huge amount of money. And now, on top of this ludicrous demand for $99,000, you have suddenly dreamed another fee - an additional $700 - out of thin air! That makes a total of $99,700 you are demanding from me! Get real, Mr Aka. I am not a fool, so kindly do not treat me like one. Here is my stance: I will pay the $9,000, but I repeat that I am simply not prepared to pay you $90,700 for a mere three days' work. I have already asked you to get back to me with a more sensible request. Do so immediately, or I will start looking around for a different lawyer... one who charges reasonable fees. Gilbert Murray From: Forgan Aka To: Gilbert Murray Subject: The length we can go Sent: Fri, 24 Mar 2006 02:29:30 -0800 (PST) Attn: Mr Gilbert Murray, Without wasting much of our time, I and my chamber are going to charge you $15,000 as a service fee once after the successful completion of the service/the transfer of the fund. If this is acceptable to you! Kindly remit the required fees of $9,000 with the information below through Western Union money transfer to enable us to commence action.
You should also forward to us immediately you remit the money, the slip/money remitted information, your personal detail such as your full resident address, telephone/fax number, copy of your ID/international passport. If you still find the above charge high you are allowed to seek for the service from other chambers. As this is the length we can go on this! Any more of negotiation is not accepted. Anticipating your earnest response. Yours sincerely, Barr Forgan Aka LLB, BL, AMNMA Legal adviser, West Atlantic Bank of Abidjan, Equitybank, Abidjan Click here to view the concluding part of this scambust. Copyright 2003-2024 www.gilbertmurray.co.uk. All rights reserved. Copyright notice |
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