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The Gypping in the Marsh Village Website Gypping in the Marsh in Times Past
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Home - The Chronicles - The Cat Boiler The Cat Boiler - NewIn which Gilbert Murray, professional boiler of cats, is contacted by a desperately unconvincing American diplomat/banker/FBI director who is offering to transfer millions of dollars - or perhaps pounds (it's a little unclear) - to him from the United Nations. With Gilbert keen to expand his Lincolnshire cat-boiling business into a nationwide franchise operation, the timing could not be better. Cast of characters
From: George Edward To: Gilbert Murray Subject: ATTENTION Sent: Sun, 08 Feb 2026 11:57 Hello Dear Beneficiary How Are You Doing Today Hopefully There's No Problem?? Actually Am KASH PATEL From FBI Sector I Was Signed To Deliver Your Winnings, I Texting You To Know If You're Still Interested In Receiving Your Funds Worth $20.5 Million Donated From United Nations Boards (UNB) As Compensation Funds For Being Victims Of Scammed. Please With Due Respect I'll Be Waiting Expecting Your Feedback Soon As Possible If You Receive My Message. BEST REGARDS DEAR BENEFICIARY From: Gilbert Murray To: George Edward Subject: Re: ATTENTION Sent: Thu, 05 Mar 2026 14:19 What? From: George Edward To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: ATTENTION Sent: Thu, 05 Mar 2026 20:50 CITY BANK PRIVATE BANK 270 PARK AVENUE 31ST FLOOR NEW YORK, NY INVESTMENT SECURITIES - MAPQUEST. THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEPTION OF YOUR EMAIL IN ORDER TO RECEIVE YOUR APPROVED FUNDS TOTAL OF US $20.5 MILLION WHICH HAS BEEN APPROVED TO BE RELEASED TO YOUR BEHALF BY THE UNITED NATIONS ORGANIZATION (UN COMPENSATION TEAM) AND IRS OFFICE. NOTE THIS OFFER IS VALID FOR 6 WORKING DAYS, IF THE BENEFICIARY DID NOT RESPOND THE TOTAL FUNDS WILL BE DIVERTED INTO A US GOVERNMENT TREASURY ACCOUNT. NOTE: IF YOU STILL WISH TO RECEIVE YOUR FUNDS OF (20.5 MILLION US DOLLARS) WITH THIS BANK, I HEREBY OFFICIALLY NOTIFYING YOU ABOUT THE PRESENT ARRANGEMENT TO PAY YOU AS I HAVE BEEN APPOINTED AND DIRECTED TO TO TAKE IN-CAR GEORGE OF YOUR FUNDS PAYMENT HERE IN MY DEPARTMENT DURING THE BOARD MEETING THEREFORE I OFFICIALLY CONTACTED YOU TODAY BECAUSE YOUR INHERITANCE FUNDS WAS RE-REGISTERED INTO THE FEDERAL SUSPENSE ACCOUNT. THIS IS THE INFORMATION WE NEED FROM YOU ALTHOUGH WE HAVE EVERY OF YOUR INFORMATION BUT WE NEED TO BE SURE SURE IF YOU'RE THE RIGHTFUL OWNER OF THE FUNDS.
BEST REGARDS, MR JAMES WILSON, CHAIRMAN, CEO CITY BANK From: Gilbert Murray To: George Edward Subject: Re: ATTENTION Sent: Fri, 06 Mar 2026 08:32 Dear Mr Edward/Mr Patel/Mr Wilson, Could you please explain to me what this is all about? I know nothing of $20.5 million which is due to be paid to me by the United Nations. Your first email suggested that it was due to me because I had at some point been the victim of a scam. To the best of my knowledge, this has never happened to me... although, come to think of it, I was short-changed the other month whilst dining out in a restaurant in Spalding. But not to that extent, I am sure. And although your emails come from the account of someone called 'George Edward', you stated in your first email that your name was 'Kash Patel', and in your last email that it was 'James Wilson'. Which is it? To whom am I addressing myself? I have to say, this is all most confusing. I would appreciate it if you could do your best to make things clear. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: George Edward To: Gilbert Murray Subject: ATTENTION Sent: Sat, 07 Mar 2026 13:21 Hello How Are You Doing Today? I Acknowledge The Receipt Of Your Email. If You're Interested In Receiving Your Winning Funds Worth £20.5 Million Pounds Donated From United Nations Boards UNB AS Compensation Funds With FBI DIRECTOR Approval Through City Bank. I Advise You To Read My Messages Carefully And Follow My Instructions As Instructed. Mr Wilson Was CITY BANK MANAGER. Regarding The Name Mr KASH PATEL He Was FBI DIRECTOR. I Am GEORGE EDWARD Your Diplomat In charge For Your Delivery. Provide The Requested Information As Detailed For Immediate Delivery.
GET BACK TO ME SOON AS POSSIBLE IF YOU RECEIVE MY MAIL. BEST REGARDS. From: Gilbert Murray To: George Edward Subject: Are you sure that you have contacted the right person here? Sent: Tue, 10 Mar 2026 10:39 Dear Mr Edward, Thank you for explaining things in such a clear, cogent manner. Everything seems nicely clear now. Well, nearly everything seems nicely clear now. I have to say that I am still uncertain about a number of things. Firstly, I am somewhat surprised that you have contacted me on this matter: as I have already mentioned, I am not aware of ever having been the victim of a scam. Are you sure you have contacted the right person here? Secondly, could you please confirm whether the amount in question is 20.5 million US dollars, or 20.5 million GB pounds? You first told me that the amount was in dollars, and then told me that it was in pounds. A small point perhaps, but certainly one that I think needs to be cleared up, especially given the way exchange rates are looking right now. I must say, your email has arrived at a most opportune moment: I am currently investigating the possibility of expanding my business into a nationwide franchise operation, and have been on the lookout for suitable sources of investment. This money you are talking about could be just what I am looking for. Having said that, I do have some serious concerns. Given that I am not aware of having been the victim of a scam, I am worried that I may be claiming this money under false pretences. Is it possible that someone has made a mistake, and that this money is actually supposed to be going to someone else? If someone has made a mistake, I would hate this to be discovered at a later date: it could mean that I would need to pay the money back, and if I have already invested the money into my business, that could prove to be difficult. Also, is it possible that I might be leaving myself open to legal challenges, if I am found to be claiming money that rightfully belongs to someone else? I would appreciate it if you could reassure me on this matter. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. A little tip on the subject of capitalisation. Use a capital letter at the start of a sentence and at the start of each proper noun, not at the start of every single word. It'll make your emails a lot easier to read. From: George Edward To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Are you sure that you have contacted the right person here? YES 100 PERCENT WITH ASSURANCE GUARANTEED Sent: Fri, 13 Mar 2026 01:26 I ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL BUT SORRY FOR INCONVENIENCE I WAS BUSY SCHEDULING DELIVERY TO VARIOUS DESTINATIONS. I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID, LISTEN ATTENTIVELY TO THE INSTRUCTIONS AS IT DEMAND!!! I ADVISE YOU TO READ MY MAIL CAREFULLY, I BELIEVE YOU WILL UNDERSTAND BETTER... CONCERNING YOUR QUESTIONS THERE IS NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT THIS WINNINGS. IT IS GREAT OPPORTUNE FOR LIFE-CHANGING OPPORTUNITIES TO LIVE A LIFE AS YOUR DESIRE. TRUST ME I ASSURED YOU THAT IS LEGITIMATE SIGNED BY FBI/IMF AUTHORIZATION STAMPED. CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN BEING PARTICIPANT FOR LUCKY WINNERS THIS PHYSICAL YEAR 2026... EVEN THOUGH IF YOU ARE NOT SCAM VICTIMS THEN IT PROVES YOU'RE LUCKY BY NATURE TO INHERIT THIS GREAT FINANCIAL OPPORTUNITY WITH THE SUM OF 20.5 MILLION GB POUNDS FROM CITY BANK. I AM 100% SURE THAT YOU WERE CHOSEN-ONE AS BENEFICIARY TO CLAIM YOUR WINNINGS IS NOT MISTAKEN. ABIDES THE RULES AND REGULATIONS AS POLICY FOR YOUR DELIVERY. WITH MY EXPLANATION I TRUST THAT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND EACH OF EVERY POINTS. BE SINCERELY HONEST TO ME, I PROMISE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND NOT TO DISAPPOINT ALSO ENSURE YOUR DELIVERY WILL BE SUCCESSFULLY DELIVERED AT YOUR DOORSTEP AFTER THE DUE PROCEDURE. DO YOU TRULY WANTED TO CLAIM YOUR WINNINGS AS INHERITANCE ALSO TO SCHEDULE THE DELIVERY PROCEDURES IMMEDIATELY??????!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESPONSE AND UNDERSTANDING I APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORTS. GET BACK TO ME SOON AS POSSIBLE IMMEDIATELY IF YOU RECEIVE MY MAIL, AM WAITING EXPECTING YOUR FEEDBACK. BEST SERVICE GUARANTEED WITH TRUST. From: Gilbert Murray To: George Edward Subject: But where has this money come from? Sent: Fri, 13 Mar 2026 08:53 Dear Mr Edward, Thank you for once again explaining things in such a crystal clear manner. I must say though, I am still very unclear about where this money has come from. First of all you - or was it Mr Patel? - stated that the money was due to me as part of a United Nations fund, aimed at compensating people who had been the victims of scams. Now you are referring to the money as "winnings". Winnings from what? I do not play the lottery. I do not gamble at all, as a general rule. The only competition I can recall having entered recently was the raffle at the local church's winter fete. Have I perhaps won that? I can't quite remember what the top prize was for the raffle, but I had thought that it was more akin to a case of beers from Gypping Ales or a pampering day at the local spa retreat than 20.5 million pounds in cash. But I could be wrong: my memory is not what it used to be. Not that the money wouldn't come in extremely useful indeed. As I think I mentioned in my last email, I have been on the lookout for a source of funding to transform my small, local cat-boiling business into a nationwide franchise operation. And this could be just the ticket. But before I move forward with any of this, I need to know exactly how this amazing windfall has come to land in my lap. Where has this money come from, Mr Edward? Please explain. I have a busy morning ahead of me: a fine-looking Russian Blue that was delivered last night requires my attention. Whilst I am firing up the boiler, can I suggest that you busy yourself with providing me with an explanation as to the provenance of these funds? Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I note that you still have not quite got the hang of capitalisation. As I explained before, use a capital letter at the start of a sentence and at the start of each proper noun. When you use capital letters for every single letter in your emails, IT MAKES IT SEEM AS IF YOU ARE SHOUTING. What is more, it gives the impression that your emails have been written by an ignorant dolt, and I am sure that is not at all your intention. From: George Edward To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: But where has this money come from? Sent: Mon, 16 Mar 2026 16:56 IT FROM UNITED NATIONS. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN RECEIVING YOUR WINNINGS PROVIDE THE REQUESTED INFORMATION AS DETAILED.
BEST SERVICE GUARANTEED. From: George Edward To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: But where has this money come from? Sent: Mon, 16 Mar 2026 18:02 ATTENTION DEAR BENEFICIARY HOW ARE YOU DOING?? WAITING YOUR FEEDBACK GET BACK TO ME SOON AS POSSIBLE TO SCHEDULE YOUR DELIVERY. From: Gilbert Murray To: George Edward Subject: Presumably you will need my bank account details? Sent: Tue, 17 Mar 2026 08:39 Dear Mr Edward, Thank you for taking the time to explain so eloquently why I am being gifted such a large amount of money. Now that we have got that cleared up, I am keen to forge ahead with all appropriate speed. Presumably you will need my bank account details to enable you to transfer the money into my current account? Please advise. I will be unavailable for the rest of the day. I need to travel to North Lindsey to collect a Cornish Rex and some bundles of kiln-dried cedar: this customer has requested our 'heritage' service. It's always a pleasure for me to get my grandfather's old copper cauldron fired up. I always think that there is a lot to be said for the old ways. Would you not agree, Mr Edward? So, while I am away, you can be letting me know what bank account details you need from me. I expect to have received a response from you by the time I have returned later today. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I see that capitalisation is still causing you problems. Are you perhaps unaware of the existence of the 'CAPS LOCK' key on your computer keyboard? It's the one that sits between the 'TAB' and 'SHIFT' keys. Give it a tap, there's a good man. You'll be astounded to see the difference it can make. From: George Edward To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Presumably you will need my bank account details? Sent: Tue, 17 Mar 2026 11:56 Before i proceed, choose delivery method to receive your winnings successfully without any delay.
Best Service Granted, I'll Be Waiting Expecting Your Feedback Soon As Possible If You Received My Mail...!!! From: Gilbert Murray To: George Edward Subject: I see that you have a sense of humour, Mr Edward Sent: Wed, 18 Mar 2026 08:05 Dear Mr Edward, Surely there has been some mistake? I am asking you to carry out the simple action of transferring a sum of money from into my personal bank account. I can accept that perhaps there will be some kind of transaction fee involved here, but how in the name of Noel can you possible justify charging $3,500 for an online bank transfer? And how in the name of all that is Noelly can you justify charging $2,750 for delivering the cash to me in a box? I can only assume that we are talking about a gold-plated box, encrusted with gems, delivered to me on a silver platter. And $3,000 for a Mastercard delivery? $5,000 for a wire transfer? These figures are absurd. But I can see what is going on here. You are having a little joke with me. Ha ha. Very funny, Mr Edward. I presume your colleagues at the delivery company are chortling away at me right now. But let us be serious. You have had your bit of fun. Now get back to me with details of some realistic fees for transferring my money to me. And be quick about it. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. It is gratifying to see that you are getting there as far as correct capitalisation is concerned. There is still some work to be done here, but I can see that you are making progress. Well done, sir. From: George Edward To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: I see that you have a sense of humour, Mr Edward Sent: Wed, 18 Mar 2026 08:40 I agree with you. I will get back to your shortly. From: Gilbert Murray To: George Edward Subject: I am confused: is this email from one of your colleagues? Sent: Wed, 18 Mar 2026 12:02 Dear Mr Edward, I have just checked my 'Spam' folder, and discovered that I was sent the following email a few days ago:
I am confused, Mr Edward. Am I right to presume that Mr Lolpold (or should that be Ms Reinhart - there seems to be some confusion over his or her name) is one of your colleagues? If so, it troubles me to note that there appears to be some confusion over the amount of money that is contained within my consignment. You told me that I was to be sent 20.5 million pounds. But Mr Lolpold states that the box only contains 3.5 million dollars. That leaves a massive shortfall. What on earth has happened to the missing millions of pounds, Mr Edward? Has someone in your organisation been a tad light-fingered? I think an explanation is in order, Mr Edward. I am about to respond to your colleague Mr Lolpold, to see what he has to say on the matter. I have to say, all this is terribly confusing. I must go: a consignment of Scottish Folds that needs my urgent attention has just been delivered. Get back to me immediately with an explanation of what has happened to the missing money. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: George Edward To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I am confused: is this email from one of your colleagues? Sent: Wed, 18 Mar 2026 23:35 I will look into this and get back to you. I advised you to be very careful with the people that you deal with. For your good, follow up with the instructions I gave you if you truly want to receive your winning funds (NOTED) Via transfer. Concerning your opinion about the specific amount of money for the transfer charges it will cost 100,000.00 GB POUNDS. Choose Option for immediate payment method that will be easier for you to deposit the transfer Charges Fee.
BEST SERVICE GUARANTEED. From: Gilbert Murray To: George Edward Subject: One hundred thousand pounds? Are you quite mad, sir? Sent: Thu, 19 Mar 2026 08:11 Dear Mr Edward, Transfer charges of one hundred thousand pounds? Are you quite mad, sir? Or perhaps you have been hitting the bottle? I have to say, your colleague Mr Lolpold has been extremely helpful. He responded to my email straight after I contacted him yesterday, and explained everything in very simple terms - which is more than you have ever been able to do. Mr Lolpold has advised me that it would be in my best interests if I were to complete this transaction with him, rather than you. That does sound like good advice: I hope you will not be offended if I tell you that Mr Lolpold makes a lot more sense than you have ever done and that, unlike you, he comes across as being an entirely sober individual. So, I am due to visit my bank this afternoon to pay the transfer fee to Mr Lolpold (we have been able to agree on the eminently reasonable amount of one thousand pounds), and he assures me that the money will be available in my bank account three working days after I have made this transfer. You could learn a lot from Mr Lolpold, Mr Edward. The man seems to be a model of efficiency. He can even use capital letters correctly. Now, I must go: three Siamese have just been delivered and I need to fire up the boiler. Best regards, Gilbert Murray To be continued? Copyright 2003-2026 www.gilbertmurray.co.uk. All rights reserved. Copyright notice |
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