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Gilbert Murray MP's Westminster Blog - New The Gypping in the Marsh Podcast - New The Gypping in the Marsh Village Website - New
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The Worm Sanctuary OwnerIn which Gilbert Murray, owner of the Gypping in the Marsh Earthworm Sanctuary and a man with somewhat unusual religious beliefs, responds to yet another tempting offer put forward by a corrupt Nigerian banker. How long will Gilbert be able to keep this particular worm wriggling on the end of his hook? Cast of characters
From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: FAST REPLY IS NEEDED Sent: Tue, 20 Jun 2006 00:00:59 +0100 (GMT+01:00) MR WONDAY KUMBA Dear friend, I feel quite safe dealing with you in this business proposition having gone through your remarkable profile on the internet. Though this medium (internet) has been greatly abused, I choose to reach you through it because it still remains the fastest, surest and most secured medium of communication. However, this correspondence is purely private, and it should be treated as such. I also guarantee you that this deal is hitch free from all what you may think of. I am MR WONDAY KUMBA, the HEAD of TREASURY/CREDIT UNIT in the GUARANTY TRUST BANK PLC, NIGERIA. I am contacting you based on trust and confidentiality that will be attached to this deal. The management and the legal department of our BANK (GUARANTY TRUST BANK PLC, NIGERIA) in a recent meeting, recommended that the account of MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN, who was one of my branch depositors, should be declared dormant and confiscated the depositor's fund to the bank treasury according to Nigeria banking and financial law. He is a foreigner based in Nigeria, unfortunately he is late as he was amongst those that was killed in the recent WARRI CRISIS. He is an account holder in my branch, he owns a dollar account with the sum of $35 million (thirty-five million United States dollars only) deposited in the account. In fact it happened that since his death, the next of kin of the dollar account holder (the brother) has not shown up for the claim. This is where I am interested on and this is where I want you to come in. I want you to come in as the relation of the deceased. I will give you necessary assistance and perfect the legal authentication documents which will officially recognise you as a relation to the deceased. Then, I will give you the contact of the payment authority and you will write an application for the claims as the next of kin to the late MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN. I shall guide you with all diligence and legal processes to ensure the smooth perfect success of this transaction and the funds ($35 million) must be transferred into your own bank account in your country as the newly approved beneficiary. Upon my personal finding on this matter, I kept this information secret to myself until now that I am contacting you. In view of the fact that the deceased customer is a foreigner (from a different country), it is officially important for the involvement of a foreigner who will pose as a next-of-kin. I will use my exalted position in this bank to present you as his next of kin as you can be his relative, friend or cousin and the money ($35 million) will be safely transferred into your own bank account in your country. Before I made up my mind to contact you, I have concluded every arrangement to ensure that you receive the funds successfully as the next of kin. Please include your telephone/fax number and home address when replying to this mail and I will give you more information as soon as you indicate your willingness to assist in this transaction. We will use our positions to get all internal documentation to back up the claims. The whole procedures will last only five working days to get the fund retrieved successfully without trace even in future. Please I need the following:
The transaction will be done successfully and smoothly completed via email and phone. You don't need to come to my country. Send your full name, address and telephone number to me via email urgently today so that I will call you for discussions. I PROMISE that you must be happy and shall rejoice greatly soonest for co-operation with me in this transaction. After successful conclusion of this transaction, we shall share the money 50-50 (50% for you and 50% for me). Yours truly, MR WONDAY KUMBA From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Re: FAST REPLY IS NEEDED Sent: Mon, 26 Jun 2006 08:43:46 Dear Mr Kumbaya, I have just read the remarkable email you sent to me earlier today. I have to say, I'm very interested in your proposal: I run a charitable concern in the small Lincolnshire village of Gypping in the Marsh - an earthworm sanctuary - and we are always on the lookout for new sources of funding. Please get back to me with more details and I will consider your offer more closely. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: BUSINESS IN PROGRESS/REPLY FAST Sent: Mon, 26 Jun 2006 18:03:46 +0200 (CEST) DIRECT NUMBER: 234-8027173004 ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Compliments of the day to you. I really thank you for your willingness to assist me in this mutually beneficial transaction. Note that this business is absolutely legal and risk-free and it shall follow legal procedures in confirmation that there is NO RISK involved. Sincerely speaking, I am willing to do this business ONLY with you and I demand your total honesty, faithfulness and confidentiality regarding all matters in the transaction. Do not discuss it with anybody in your country until the $35,000,000 arrives in your bank account safely as assured. Have confidence in the assured smooth success of this transaction and endeavour to follow my instruction religiously and always reply to my emails promptly. Note that all documents relating to the ownership of the $35,000,000 (thirty-five million United States dollars) shall be diligently transcribed to your own name in order to perfectly and officially confirm/recognise you as the next of kin and the new beneficiary of the $35 million. You are my ONLY partner in this transaction and I shall trust you and work together with you with all my heart. After the necessary documents must have been diligently secured in your favour, the payment approved file that shall be opened also in your favour shall be passed to the GOVERNOR'S OFFICE OF THE PAYING BANK to enable them to contact you directly (as the new beneficiary) regarding the final remittance of the funds to you. The documents once secured shall be sent to you either via fax or email attachments. I hereby give you complete assurance that everything must work out successfully and legally in order to ensure 100% risk free operations and quick remittance of the funds to you and smooth successful conclusion of the business. Note that I will always be available (as your reliable partner) to direct you accordingly on all steps to take until the money finally arrives in your bank account. As the documents will be legally secured in your name and favour, a payment file shall be officially opened for you. The payment file means the compilation/records of all the related documents which includes the affidavit of claims, foreign exchange approval document, funds release order certificate and other important documents that I will secure in your favour which will enable the remittance authorities to officially recognise you as the legal/bonafide beneficiary of the $35,000,000. All the above mentioned documents shall be compiled in ONE record file and a payment code number plus file approval number will be given to it confirming you as the legally approved beneficiary. I will diligently secure the affidavit of claims, beneficiary authentication documents and the foreign exchange approval documents from the financial/judicial authorities in your favour which will officially recognise you as the new approved entitled owner of the $35 million. My utmost intention is that once the funds is transferred and confirmed in your hands, I will come over to meet you in your country for the disbursement. Feel happy and follow my advice and always communicate to me via email every day. YOUR PROTECTION IS 100% GUARANTEED. Thanks for your understanding and good co-operation as I expect your response today. Your LOVELY brother, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: A few questions Sent: Tue, 27 Jun 2006 09:53:28 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. I must say, what with all those documents and things we're going to have to get hold of, this is all starting to sound a bit complicated. To tell the truth, I'm a bit of a duffer when it comes to this kind of thing, so I was wondering whether it might be worth getting in touch with my lawyer, Welsby, so that he can help me understand things at this end. What do you think? I did have another thought. You said in your email that this business would be completely legal and risk-free, but how can it be, when I'm going to be pretending to be someone's next of kin? The idea of all that money is very enticing - and God knows that the Gypping in the Marsh Earthworm Sanctuary needs the money - but I don't want to get myself involved in anything dodgy. I've got my reputation to think of. Are you sure there's no risk involved in this? And another thing. You say that this Mr Finkelstein has a brother who hasn't shown up yet. Well what if he decides to show up in the future? He isn't going to be very happy when he finds out that you and I have appropriated his late brother's money. If I were him, I'd be very angry indeed. Wouldn't you? This is a big worry to me, Mr Kumbaya. What if he comes after us looking for his money? I must go: my assistant has just returned in the ambulance with a sickly worm that he has collected from a garden in the village, so I need to prepare the hospital wing. Apparently the poor creature has quite a serious spade injury on its flanks, and it might require bandaging. Do get back to me as soon as you can with answers to my concerns. I'll be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: TRUSTING IN YOUR CO-OPERATION/REPLY FAST Sent: Tue, 27 Jun 2006 12:48:30 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, My good friend, thanks for your email. This transaction is 100% genuine and you will be surprised to receive the funds ($35 million) in your bank account very soon. I am really trying all day and doing my best to ensure smooth success, hence I expect you to give priority attention to this viable/promising transaction. Obviously, I spent money and perfected certain vital arrangements and made sure that the coast is clear before I contacted you to be my partner in this viable transaction. Also, note that I have done my homework effectively and I am 100% sure of prompt success in this beneficial business relationship. Note I have paid an attorney who is assisting me legally to secure the necessary documents in your favour and he DOES NOT KNOW that this business is a deal between both of us. He only understands that you are claiming the money that belongs to you (as the next of kin to the late MR ROBERTS FINKELSTEIN). So do not contact your lawyer, this very one will help us in any area. This is because I diligently fixed in your name in the beneficiary's files existing in this department of the bank and when he checked, it was confirmed that you are the actual next of kin and the eligible new beneficiary to claim and own the outstanding funds which is the sum of $35 million. So, all that he has to do is raising/securing the payment approval documents from the financial ministries/remittance authorities that will legally facilitate the release of the funds ($35 million) to your own bank account in your country. I implore you to understand that I am your BROTHER in this transaction and I demand your complete co-operation in order for us to achieve the promising success. I have put forth my trust and confidence in you and I have the faith that you will remain a good and enduring friend to me forever. I am happy for the maturity in your email in which I can be assured that you must maintain the confidentiality and required faithfulness in this business. You should understand that the amount involved in this transaction is big, so I want us to diligently do everything with maturity and good wisdom. Your friends will NOT know about it until we have established many investments with the money in your country. Take notice that in life, it is always wise to be careful and secret regarding individual prosperity until it finally gets to your hands safely and successfully. Meanwhile, an approval file have been opened in your favour and the file number is: GTB/NG07/TR9US/2006. Take note that the $35 million is deposited in the account number 63827719045. I am confident and assured that we must succeed in this transaction and I have wholeheartedly trusted in your good honesty in the belief that my share of the funds will be given to me once we meet in your country after the $35 million is transferred to your account. Please my dearest friend, tell me in your next email whether you are married, the number of children you have and your religion. I will tell you all about myself because I have taken you from the deepest of my heart as my own blood relation. I am a good Christian and I have the fear of God. Hence, I believe in divine assistance and miracle and I have the faith that we must succeed in this transaction and we will soon stay together as great relations and best of friends in your country. Hoping to hear from you today. Also, remember to maintain constant communication with me on an everyday basis. Please call me for more details. Your LOVELY brother, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: But what about Mr Finkelstein's brother? Sent: Tue, 27 Jun 2006 15:21:48 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. You seem very positive that we won't come across any problems in this transaction, but what about if Mr Finkelstein's brother shows up, finds out what we've done with his late brother's fortune and pursues us for the money? What do we do then? He'll know that I'm not his late brother's next of kin, and given that we're depriving him of $35 million that's rightfully his, I would imagine he'll be very angry. He might be willing to do anything to recover his lost fortune. I don't mind telling you that that prospect scares me, my dear fellow. You asked about my personal life and my religion. I am indeed married (to my dear wife Elizabeth) and I have one son, a dear boy called Gilbert Jnr. Like you, I am a devout Christian. Not a Sunday goes by without my family and I taking a pew in Saint Bodkin's church and gazing on in rapture as the vicar plays with his enormous organ in front of the assembled congregation (the vicar has the largest organ in Lincolnshire and is extremely proud of it). Tell me, my friend, what denomination are you? Elizabeth and I are proud to be followers of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal. We used to belong to the Church of England, but the vicar recently changed denomination after a disagreement with the bishop over the design of some hassocks he had ordered, and most of the congregation followed the vicar into the new church. As a result of this, Elizabeth and I both now adhere to the writings of the Great Prophet Noel, the founder of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal, in all our daily doings. We also donate 25% of all our earnings to the church. I will therefore be donating 25% of my earnings from this transaction to the church: it is the right and proper thing to do. Please do get back to me as soon as you can regarding my concerns over what might happen if Mr Finkelstein's brother turns up on the scene. Perhaps before we go any further we ought to devise a plan of action just in case he does reappear. What do you think? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I WILL CONTACT YOU TOMORROW Sent: Tue, 27 Jun 2006 19:27:36 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Brother, I did not want you to start thinking about this promising transaction. Just be putting this transaction in prayers so we will complete this promising transaction. Do not WORRY about the late MR ROBERTS FINKELSTEIN'S BROTHER, because I know how to handle things as a good banker. I will give some % to God because I strongly believe in God and I am hoping that both of us will establish good investment in England with this funds $35 million. I will direct you tomorrow on how you will contact the paying bank that will finally transfer the funds to you without any questions because I am here WORKING well to perfect the perfection in this transaction. Have rest assured that all is GOOD. Call me on phone please if you can. Hoping to hearing from you soonest. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I am still worried about Mr Finkelstein's brother Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 09:04:37 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. While I am glad to hear that you are working well to perfect the perfection in this transaction, I have to admit that my worries over Mr Finkelstein's brother have not been assuaged by your assurance that you know how to handle things as a good banker. Being a good banker is all very well, but somehow I don't think that your proficiency in double-entry bookkeeping will be of much use if Mr Finkelstein's brother finds out what we've done and comes after us with a machete. I still think that we need a plan, my friend, so that we will be able to deal with Mr Finkelstein's brother if he ever does show up looking for his money. Do you have any ideas? I have taken your advice and I prayed last night to the Great Prophet Noel for the success of this transaction. I have no doubt that He will have heard my prayer and that He will deliver what I have cosmically ordered. On another matter, I'm pleased to be able to report that the injured worm that was brought in yesterday is doing well. The poor little fellow had quite a nasty cut on his side - gardeners can be so careless - but I managed to clean and dress his wounds and I'm confident that he's going to make a full recovery. In recognition of the good turn you're doing both me and the worm sanctuary, I've decided to name him Wonday in your honour. Please let me know your thoughts on what we can do about Mr Finkelstein's brother. I will be praying to the Great Prophet Noel for guidance. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You didn't tell me which denomination you are, my friend. Are you too a member of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal, or are you a member of one of the lesser Christian churches? From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: CONTACT THE PAYING BANK Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:46:19 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Good day and divine blessings to you. Be assured that this transaction is actually progressing tremendously. Take my advice and achieve the final success promptly and smoothly. The attorney that I paid on your behalf have been able to affidavit for claims and official change of beneficiary thereby confirming you officially as the legally recognised new bonafide beneficiary of the $35 million. I am happy to inform you today that the affidavit for claims and authentication of new beneficiary has been successfully completed in your favour. Now, your name has entered the computer system of the Foreign Operations Department of the paying bank officially recognising you as the approved new beneficiary and legal owner of the money. Also note that a new beneficiary file is now OPENED in your favour with your name in the approved file as the beneficiary of the amount. The next and final aspect of this transaction is that you shall urgently write an application to the GOVERNOR'S OFFICE of the GUARANTY TRUST BANK. Act fastly today. The official email address is bankgovernor@yahoo.com. So, you shall address the letter to the Governor (PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI) and inform him that you are the next of kin and the approved owner of the sum of $35 million presently under his official banking control. The Foreign Operations Director of this insurance company has PASSED your file for payments to the Governor's office of the Guaranty Trust Bank. So send an email urgently to the Guaranty Trust Bank on the above email. Give him your full name, address, your telephone/fax numbers and your account details in your country because he will first confirm from the Foreign Operations Department of the insurance company and the contents of facts in your file to confirm your points before he responds. Give him your file approval number which is GTB/NG07/TR9US/2006. Remember to quote the approval file number today when writing to the Governor's office of the paying bank. The Governor of the paying bank will then check and confirm in your payment approved file which confirms that you are eligible to claim the sum of $35 million that belongs to you (as the next of kin to late MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN) who happened to be your late uncle. Be assured that all is well. Follow my advice and you must smile very soon. There is great progress in your favour here and I assure you that soonest, the $35 million will be finally transferred to your nominated bank account. I wait to hear from you today after you send a message to the Governor's office via their email address given above. I am one of the good members in Christ Embassy here in Nigeria. It is a Pentecostal church. Do not worry about Mr Robert's brother, all is well. God bless you my good friend as I expect you to co-operate fastly and reply promptly. Yours truly, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: FILL THIS DRAFT AND SEND IT TO THE PAYING BANK Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:47:45 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, RE: DIRECTIONS THAT YOU NEED Good day to you my true friend. I want you to copy the DRAFTED letter below and send it urgently to the Governor's office of the Guaranty Trust Bank today. SEE THE DRAFT OF THE LETTER; COPY AND SEND IT TO THE BANK GOVERNOR TODAY.
NOTE that you shall copy the above letter and send it to the bank Governor today. Also, remember to fill in the appropriate details in the spaces marked .......... in the drafted letter above. I await your prompt response today immediate after you communicate to the bank Governor. Yours truly, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: What's the bank's postal address? Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 14:58:11 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your emails. I have to admit that I did find them rather confusing - this isn't a simple process, is it? - but I think I've got the gist of what you want me to do. I've printed out that letter that you sent me, and I've filled it in, so all I need to do now is send it to the Governor. Could you let me know the bank's postal address please? I'll send it by recorded delivery to make sure Mr Mojolabi gets it. I'm still worried about Mr Finkelstein's brother, my friend. I'm seriously worried at the prospect of him finding out what we've done and coming after us for the money. He might be a very nasty man. He could hunt us down and shoot us like dogs. Aren't you at all worried about that? I barely slept last night because I was worrying about it so much. I'm sorry to hear that you're not a member of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal. If you knew just how much pleasure the Great Prophet Noel had brought into my life since I joined the church, I am sure that you would want to join up immediately. Life is just one big house party when you abide by the teachings of the Great Prophet Noel. Actually, I was reading a few passages from the Book of Noel last night before I went to sleep - as I always do - and I was struck by the similarities between my life since I responded to your email and the life of the Great Prophet Noel when He was brought back after spending years in the wilderness. Being a member of a less enlightened church, you may not be all that familiar with the Book of Noel. Well, channel 4, chapter 4, verse 15 tells of the time in which the Great Prophet Noel was saved from years in the wilderness by a strange being known only as "the banker", who brought about a revival in the Great Prophet Noel's fortunes by asking Him to choose one box out of twenty-two. The Book of Noel tells us how the Great Prophet Noel picked the correct box and was immediately enriched. The Great Prophet Noel used the riches to found the Church of Zeal or no Zeal, and as we know, the rest is history. Can you see the similarities here, my friend? You see I too have spent years in the wilderness - the financial wilderness, in my case - and my luck seems to be about to change following your intervention... and you too are a banker. This coincidence is uncanny. Perhaps it is a sign... perhaps a sign sent by the Great Prophet Noel Himself. I must discuss it with the vicar after this Sunday's service at Saint Bodkin's. He may be able to throw some ecclesiastical light on the matter. Anyway, back to business. Do get back to me as soon as you can with the bank's postal address so that I can get that letter off to the Governor. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I am pleased to report that little Wonday appears to be recovering well in the hospital wing. I am sure it won't be long before I will be able to take him out of quarantine and let him play with his other annelid friends. From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: CONTACT THE GOVERNOR FAST Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 23:11:04 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, How are you doing my dearest beloved brother Gilbert? I am happy to receive your mail with some question. Please, I want you to send the draft to the Governor via email contact so that we will complete this promising transaction soonest. The Governor's private email contact is bankgovernor@yahoo.com. I have assured you time without number that I know how to handle things here in Nigeria. Do not worry about the brother of Mr Finkelstein. I have made everything CLEAR before I contacted you. I will JOIN your church when I come over to England. Please, do not inform any person in your church about this promising transaction. I want you to maintain the CONFIDENTIALITY of this deal for security reasons. Contact the Governor and get back to me as it was tabled from my previous mail. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I will contact the Governor today Sent: Thu, 29 Jun 2006 09:30:18 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. I thought that you wanted me to send a letter to the Governor by post, but I see what you mean now. I will contact him via email today. Tell me, does he know that I'm not really Mr Finkelstein's next of kin, or will I have to lie to him and pretend that I am? You said in your last email that you didn't want me to talk to anyone in the church about this transaction. Surely there wouldn't be a problem if I talked to the vicar about it? I really want to ask him whether he thinks you contacting me in the way you did could be a sign from the Great Prophet Noel. After all, the parallels between what's happening to me and what happened to the Great Prophet Noel are very striking. A chat with the vicar could be most illuminating. The vicar's a terribly nice man, and he's the soul of discretion. As members of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal we have to confess all of our sins to him every Sunday, so he's well-used to keeping things confidential. I'm going to have to mention the fact that I'm lying to the bank about being Mr Finkelstein's next of kin during confession this Sunday anyway (that's a definite sin), so the vicar's going to know about it one way or another. Trust me, my friend, the vicar will be the soul of discretion. By the way, I'm overjoyed to hear that you're planning to join our church when you come over to this country... and the vicar will be delighted too. I'll ask the vicar for a membership application form on Sunday and send it on to you so that you can complete it in advance. Right, back to business. I'll get right onto the Governor. I'll let you know when I hear back from him. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Little Wonday had a very comfortable night and is doing well. I have been praying for him, so I am confident that the Great Prophet Noel is looking after his wellbeing. From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Regarding my late uncle's fortune Sent: Thu, 29 Jun 2006 09:34:58 FROM: Gilbert Murray COUNTRY: United Kingdom TO: PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR; Guaranty Trust Bank Sir, SUBJECT: REQUEST ON MY APPROVED SUM OF US$35 MILLION I humbly write to your exalted office regarding the issue of claiming the sum of US$35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) vide remittance code number MFW791RBZ53KSA06 and my file approval number is GTB/NG07/TR9US/2006. Be informed that I am the next of kin to late MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN. He was my uncle and he maintained a life assurance policy which amounts to the sum of $35 million and it is deposited with your bank. He is now dead and I am applying for the claims of the sum of US$35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) which is presently in his account number 63827719045 in your esteemed bank. Sir, I hereby request your good office to advise me regarding how I can completely claim the above mentioned amount as the next of kin to the former beneficiary. I hereby give you my complete personal details below: FULL NAME: Gilbert Arnold Murray ADDRESS: Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK TELEPHONE NUMBER: 01927 58367 MOBILE/CELL PHONE NO: N/A FAX NUMBER: N/A EMAIL ADDRESS: xxxxxx@xxxxxx.co.uk Thanks for your expected good attention to my request and prompt advice. Yours sincerely, Gilbert Murray PS. Please note that my telephone line is unfortunately out of action at the moment: a delivery driver accidentally reversed his lorry into a telegraph pole at the end of my drive and I am waiting for the telephone company to come and repair it. From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: GILBERT ARNOLD MURRAY LEGAL BENEFICIARY OF $35 MILLION IN UNITED KINGDOM Sent: Thu, 29 Jun 2006 06:35:31 -0700 (PDT) OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR FROM: PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank ATTENTION OF: GILBERT ARNOLD MURRAY LEGAL BENEFICIARY OF $35 MILLION IN UNITED KINGDOM RCN: MFW791RBZ53KSA06 RE: FILE APPROVAL NO: GTB/NG07/TR9US/2006; PAYMENT OF $35 MILLION IN YOUR FAVOUR This is to inform you that the concerned financial authorities of this country have perfected all modalities and issued vital approvals in your favour. The said approvals which includes the foreign exchange control allocation documents, empowers you to legally receive the $35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) as the legally approved beneficiary. By virtue of the affidavit of claim documents and other vital documents authorised and endorsed by both the judicial and financial authorities which is presently in your file, we have verified and officially confirmed that you are the actual next of kin to LATE MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN. And, his inheritance which is the sum of $35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) SHALL BE legally transferred in your favour to your own account. We need your account details. Based on the fact that this Governor's office of the GUARANTY TRUST BANK have checked your payment file and we have confirmed all contents to be TRUE and CORRECT hence, we have officially approved the remittance of your funds ($35 million) to take place as promptly as possible once you co-operate in accordance to the constitutional banking procedures and ethical regulations detailed in this letter. The outlined constitutional stipulations that you MUST abide to, is that your total funds in the sum of $35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) shall first be certified by the African Union Financial Regulatory Office (AUFRO) through the provision of the international anti-terrorists clearance certificate to officially and internationally cover the funds' free flow to your bank account. The remittance will be done immediately you secure the vital international clearance certificate from the AFRICAN UNION FINANCIAL REGULATORY OFFICE as will be directed in this letter. The international anti-terrorism clearance certificate will provide international release order that will officially enhance the telex remittance officials of this BANK to effect the transfer of the money to your own bank account in your country. Accept our congratulations as we urge you to co-operate with this official statutory guideline and receive the vital international anti-terrorists clearance certificate that will necessitate the final remittance of your approved sum of $35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars). You as the beneficiary must adhere to the official payment directives detailed in this letter to enable you to receive the final remittance of your entitled amount promptly. Be assured that we must effect the transfer of your funds within 24 hours of confirming that you have paid the sum of $3,750.00 (three thousand, seven hundred and fifty US dollars) for the procurement of the vital international clearance certificate from the African Union Financial Regulatory Office (AUFRO). Note that stipulated in the constitution, official banking directives for the release of funds to foreign countries entails that you shall procure the international clearance certificate by paying the sum of $3,750.00 (three thousand, seven hundred and fifty United States dollars) via Western Union money transfer to the name and address of the designated receiver approved by the AUFRO below:
Take further notice that this office expects you to pay the above vital fees which is the sum of $3,750.00 (three thousand, seven hundred and fifty United States dollars) by Western Union money transfer promptly. And, send the payment details (control number) within the next 48 hours via email to this Governor's office of the Guaranty Trust Bank. Also, send a copy of the Western Union payment details to the President of the African Union Financial Regulatory Office via the official email address: aufro@fastermail.com. Note also that these fees CANNOT be deducted from your approved funds because in accordance to the stipulations of the international financial laws and the Foreign Payments Act of 2003, all approved beneficiaries of funds either by contracts execution or by inheritance SHALL PAY the fees that covers all banking necessities from the "beneficiary's pocket" because the approved funds can be transferred directly into the nominated bank account of the abiding beneficiary. Therefore, you are advised to comply with the necessary directives as clearly contained in this letter. We encourage you to act fast and achieve your final success. Congratulations as you comply today. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: MAINTAIN THE CONFIDENTIALITY OF THIS TRANSACTION Sent: Thu, 29 Jun 2006 16:09:03 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, How are you doing my dearest beloved brother Gilbert? I am happy to hear from you that you will send the draft that I drafted for you to the Governor's office. The Governor did not know that this is a deal between me and you so know how to send the mail to him so that he will not understand, but he knows you as the real owner of the funds so have 100% confidence and contact him. Please brother, take my advice, do not inform anybody about this promising transaction even your lovely wife, do not so that we will maintain the CONFIDENTIALITY of this promising transaction. Is good to keep secret when it needs to keep. I will tell you why I said all this when I come over to England. Forget about the CONFESSION to vicar, I will CONFESS with you when I come over. Remember that I informed you in my previous mail that I want us to be like good blood brothers. Gilbert, from now, do not call me friend OK? I am your brother. I did not want you to do any CONFESSION until I come over to England, please I beg of you. Please, update me once you hear from the paying bank because I know that they will transfer the $35 million to you once they receive your mail because they know you as the real owner of the $35 million. I am strongly preparing to meet you in England soonest. I will send to you my visa schedule in my next mail. Hoping to hear from you soonest. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Thank you for your email Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 08:50:03 Dear Professor Mojolabi, Thank you for the comprehensive email you sent to me yesterday regarding my late uncle's fortune. I see that you are a man who believes in the axiom "why say something once when you can say it a hundred times". Unfortunately I'm not very well up on legal and financial matters, so I found your letter rather difficult to understand. I will pass it on to a colleague of mine and see if he can explain things to me, then I will get back to you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Professor Mojolabi has emailed me Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 08:55:28 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Professor Mojolabi emailed me yesterday about Mr Finkelstein's fortune. Unfortunately I found his email rather confusing. In fact, to be honest with you, I don't really understand a word of it. Like I said, I'm a bit of a duffer when it comes to long documents and things like that. I've forwarded his email on to you. Is there any chance you could take a look through it and see if you can explain it to me nice and simply? I'd be ever so grateful. I have to say, Mr Kumbaya, I was shocked and dismayed by your suggestion that I should forget about confessing my sins to the vicar this Sunday. Do you not know that failing to confess your sins each week is in itself an extremely wicked sin? I can only assume that the lesser church of which you are currently a member is rather more lax about such matters than the Church of Zeal or no Zeal. But still, that's no excuse. Shame on you for suggesting such a thing. According to the Book of Noel, if I followed your suggestion and failed to confess all my sins to the vicar on Sunday, I would be doomed to spend eternity sitting in a perspex tank in the ninety-third circle of Hell, constantly having bright green gunk emptied over my head. Such is the fate of those who fail to confess all of their sins. You call yourself my brother, but what true brother would want such a terrible fate to befall me? But never mind, Mr Kumbaya. You still have a chance to redeem yourself. I was looking through my paperwork last night and I came across a spare membership application form for our church. I have attached it to this email so that you can print it out, fill it in, and send it back to me. I can then pass it on to the vicar. It'd be best for you to fill in the form before you travel over here. That way the vicar will be able to make all of the necessary arrangements before you arrive. He'll be able to have your name carved onto a pew, order a hooded cape with your name stitched onto the back, and prepare the direct debit form and last will and testament for you. He will also be able to order your own personalised copy of the Book of Noel (hand-tooled, leather-bound, and signed by the Great Prophet Noel Himself). Please get the form back to me as soon as you can. It shouldn't take you long to fill it in. In fact, why not send it back to me with your next email, along with an explanation of what on earth Professor Mojolabi is on about. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: READ AND ACT FAST Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 11:54:45 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, How are you doing my dearest beloved brother Gilbert? I am happy to hear from you that the Governor of this bank has opened communication with you. The mail that you received from the Governor makes me to understand that you are the real owner of the funds and that they are ready to transfer your funds. I read the mail very well, and it makes me to understand that your payment file did not contain an international clearance certificate. Please go to the Western Union office and transfer the sum of $3,750 so that they will use it to secure the MISSING international clearance certificate that you did not have in your payment file. Please send the fees today and get back to me so that we will complete this promising transaction. I am strongly working hard to make sure that I secure all my paperwork to come to England soonest. I will fill the membership application that you sent to me. I will send it to you soonest. I did not want you to make your confession is just that I want us to do confession together as lovely brothers. Get me right. Please, send the $3,750 to the Governor's office so that they will secure the needed document and transfer the $35 million in your bank account in England. The mail that you sent to me from the Governor makes me to understand that they will transfer the funds within 24 hours of receiving the $3,750 from you. Please call me on phone for more details. Hoping to hear from you soonest, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Why does the bank need such a large amount of money from me? Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 12:03:55 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. I'm sorry, but I don't understand why the bank needs such a large amount of money from me in order to transfer the $35 million into my bank account. And why does the bank need an "international clearance certificate"? I transfer large amounts of money from my bank account into the Church of Zeal or no Zeal's bank account every month, and my bank has never needed anything like that... and the church's bank account is in Switzerland. On top of that, the Governor was going on about terrorists in his email. What's that got to do with me? I've got nothing to do with terrorism. Terrorism is a sin. Why does the Governor think I am a terrorist? I don't understand. Can you explain it to me? It is a very sad day here in the village. The postman told me this morning that one of my neighbours, Farmer Jersey, was found dead by one of his farmhands yesterday afternoon. According to the postman he had somehow managed to fall headfirst into his own threshing machine. It sounds as if it was all rather nasty. I shall miss Farmer Jersey very much. He was a lovely fellow. He used to sit two rows behind me in church each Sunday. I shall pray to the Great Prophet Noel for his salvation. This has been a very unlucky year so far for the village: Farmer Jersey is the third member of our congregation to have died in unfortunate circumstances since we changed over from the Church of England to the Church of Zeal or no Zeal. It's all been terribly sad. Of course, the church will inherit Farmer Jersey's land now that he has passed away. I reckon that'll make the church one of the largest landowners in the village now - second only to the 18th Earl of Gypping in fact. At least it's good to know that Farmer Jersey's land is going towards a good and worthy cause. Talking of the church, I see now what you meant when you talked about confession. I look forward very much to joining with you as you confess your sins when you first join our congregation. No doubt it will take quite some time. But for now, I'll just have to confess my sins as usual this Sunday. I must go: some of our little charges are well enough to be released back into the wild today, so I am going out with my assistant in the van to set them free in a quiet corner of Gypping Marsh. It's always sad to see them go - one can get quite attached to them - but that's the whole reason for the Gypping in the Marsh Earthworm Sanctuary's existence. After all, we're not a zoo; we're here to heal the sick and to set them free as soon as we can. Oh, little Wonday is still doing well, by the way. I changed his dressings earlier this morning and his wounds appear to be healing nicely. Please get back to me as soon as you can with an explanation of what the bank needs all that money for. And do send that application form back to me as soon as you can: the vicar will be delighted to have another convert... and we now have an empty pew to fill. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO COME UP WITH THE FEES Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 05:09:28 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. We encourage you to come up with the fees so that we can be able to transfer your funds in your bank account in the United Kingdom. Have rest assured that we will transfer your funds within 24 hours of receiving the fees. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: SEND THE FEES TODAY Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 14:49:06 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Brother, the Governor want you to secure the international clearance certificate on your payment file so that your country will not see the funds of $35 million into your account as terrorist funds. Is highly important to secure the document so that your country will not ask questions about your funds. Please, I advise you to go to the Western Union now and pay the $3,750 so that the Governor's office will transfer your funds. I want you to send a mail to the Governor's office and let him to know that you are trying your best to see what you can do. Make the Governor to note that you are trying your best to send the $3,750 to the given name that he imparted to you. Who is little Wonday? I am still filling in the form. I need to read it carefully. Have patience. Inform me after sending the fees to the Governor's office. Hoping to hear from you soonest, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I will need time to lay my hands on that much money Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 14:45:03 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. I think I understand things a little better now, although to be honest with you I'm not sure why anyone would ask questions about the money once it enters my bank account. And $3,750 sounds like an awful lot of money to pay just to obtain one single certificate. Are you sure it's really necessary? Even if it is strictly necessary, I won't be able to lay my hands on $3,750 today; I don't have that kind of money just hanging around, you know. If it turns out that I really will have to pay that much, I'll have to withdraw the money from my savings account, and I've got to give a week's notice in order to withdraw money from there. You asked who little Wonday is. Haven't you been reading my emails? I told you the other day that we took in an injured worm from a garden in the village, and to show my gratitude for the huge favour you are doing me and the sanctuary, I named him Wonday in your honour. I told you this days ago. Please do try and keep up. Talking of worms, I am not ashamed to admit that I shed a little tear when my assistant and I set free the worms into the marsh earlier today. I can still remember the dreadful state they were in when we took them in all those months ago (their natural habitat had been destroyed when someone in the village laid a new patio), and it's been wonderful to see how they've slowly recovered and regained their health under my care. Watching them wriggle away out of the box and into the ground when we released them was a heartwarming sight. It was a bit of a shame that three of them got picked off by blackbirds within seconds of us releasing them back into the wild, but that's nature for you. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, my friend. Well, it's a bird-eat-worm world, to be precise, but you know what I mean. Anyway, what do you think I should do about the $3,750? Do you think there's any way we can avoid having to pay it, or should I contact my bank and give notice that I want to withdraw the money in a week's time? Please let me know. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: UPDATE Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 17:15:35 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Brother, I read your mail with enough understanding. Please, inform your bank that you will need to collect $3,750 from your savings account so that they will do the provision of the fees. I want you to also inform the Governor's office the very day that you will be able to come up with the official fees. There is no how we can FLUSH the fees away. You must pay it before you receive your $35 million. Please, inform your bankers now so that they will book you. I understand about the little Wonday. Keep it on, that is fantastic. Hoping to hear from you soonest. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I'll arrange things with my bank on Monday Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 16:34:39 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. If there's absolutely no way we can avoid having to pay these fees, then so be it. I suppose it'll be worth it in the end. My bank will be closed now for the weekend, but I'll sort it out with them first thing on Monday morning. It's unfortunate that this will delay our transaction, but that can't be helped. Still, looking on the bright side, this delay gives you more than enough time to complete that membership application form and send it back to me. Do try and get it to me before Sunday so that I will be able to print it out and give it to the vicar after the Sunday morning service. Do have a pleasant weekend, my friend. I'll get back to you on Monday when I've got everything sorted with the bank. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Don't forget to confess your sins in church on Sunday... even if it is a lesser church than the one you will soon be joining. I will be confessing my sins in full. From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I am making arrangements to get the money I need to pay the fees Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 16:42:19 Dear Professor Mojolabi, A quick note to inform you that I am making arrangements to get the money I need to pay the fees so that you can obtain that certificate for me. The money is in a savings account and I have to give a week's notice before I can withdraw the money. I trust that this will be satisfactory. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: GET BACK TO ME FAST Sent: Mon, 03 Jul 2006 10:45:25 +0200 (CEST) How are you doing my dearest beloved brother? What is happening? Have you been able to secure the fees? Please get back to me so that I will know what to do next. Please try to send the fees to the Governor's office because we cannot avoid to pay the fees. Do you hear from the paying bank? Hoping to hear from you soonest. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I've sorted everything out with the bank Sent: Mon, 03 Jul 2006 10:10:16 Dear Mr Kumbaya, How are you, my dear fellow? I trust you had a good weekend? I've just got back from the bank, where I've arranged to withdraw the equivalent of $3,750 from my savings account. According to the bank I should be able to actually withdraw the money next Monday - a week today. I was chatting to the vicar on Sunday after this month's ritual scourging. I mentioned that I had had a stroke of luck and that I was soon going to be coming into a very large amount of money. I told him that - naturally - I would be donating 25% of my windfall to the church. When the vicar heard exactly how much money was involved, he got terribly excited, and he congratulated me on my good fortune. He told me that he would get in touch with the Great Prophet Noel's office this week so that he could tell them all about the large sum of money that I will be donating to the church. He told me he was sure that when the Great Prophet Noel heard about my good luck, He would want to send some of His men round to congratulate me in person and to offer me investment advice. Apparently the church has some marvellous investment schemes that are specifically aimed at church members with a large amount of money at their disposal. The vicar told me that the members of the church's financial wing had been advising poor old Farmer Jersey just before his unfortunate demise last week. He told me that the Great Prophet Noel's financial advisors were extremely persuasive men, and that he was sure I would be a fool to turn them down once I had heard what they had to say. I must say, this all sounds extremely encouraging: sound financial advice can be hard to come by. Tell me, my friend, should I ask the vicar to arrange for the Great Prophet Noel's financial advisors to pay you a visit too when you come over to this country? If their advice is as good as the vicar tells me, they may be able to make you an offer you can't refuse. Unfortunately, there is one tiny fly in the ointment. The vicar reminded me that the Book of Noel states very clearly that members of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal are expressly forbidden from conducting business with anyone who isn't also a member of the church. I have to admit that I had completely forgotten about that. What this means is that the vicar has forbidden me from carrying on this business with you until he has received your completed membership application form. As soon as he has received this, he tells me that he will be happy for me to proceed. This shouldn't be a problem, should it? I mean, you did say last week that you were going to join the church anyway. As long as you get the completed membership application form back to me before the end of this week, we will be able to carry on as before. Please get back to me with the form as quickly as you can, my friend. I will be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You will be pleased to hear that little Wonday's condition is improving daily. I gave him a little pat on his head last night as I wished him goodnight - well, I think it was his head - and told him that it wouldn't be long before he could meet his benefactor - you, my friend - in person. From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THANKS FOR ALL Sent: Tue, 04 Jul 2006 00:05:29 +0200 (CEST) How are you doing my dearest beloved brother? I am happy to receive your mail again. Please, send the form again because I am in love with your church. I really want to be a member. Do you hear from the paying bank? Hoping to hear from you soonest. MR WONDAY KUMBA From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Have you lost the application form? Sent: Tue, 04 Jul 2006 09:31:43 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Why have you asked me to send you the membership application form again? Do you mean to say that you have lost the application form that I sent you last week? Have you deleted it? Shame on you, Mr Kumbaya! Do you realise what a sin you have just committed? That membership application form had a picture of the Great Prophet Noel on it, and the Book of Noel teaches us that we must treat all images of the Great Prophet Noel with the utmost respect. Deleting a document that contains an image of the Great Prophet Noel is a serious sin. According to the Book of Noel, anyone who commits such a sin will be doomed to spend eternity in the seventy-sixth circle of Hell, watching endless repeats of the most mindless early evening light entertainment programmes. I would hate such a fate to befall you, my friend. I urge you to confess your sins immediately and to be more careful with images of the Great Prophet Noel in the future. I shall pray to the Great Prophet Noel for your salvation. You will find another copy of the membership application form attached to this email. Please fill it in and get it back to me immediately, and please be a bit more careful from now on, my dear fellow. I will pass the completed membership application form on to the vicar as soon as I receive it from you. Please send it back to me without any further delay. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. This is an exciting day for little Wonday: I shall be removing his bandages this afternoon. Hopefully his wounds will have healed fully. Click here to view the concluding part of this scambust. Copyright 2003-2024 www.gilbertmurray.co.uk. All rights reserved. Copyright notice |
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