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Home - The Chronicles - The Worm Sanctuary Owner The Worm Sanctuary OwnerIn which Gilbert Murray, owner of the Gypping in the Marsh Earthworm Sanctuary and a man with somewhat unusual religious beliefs, responds to yet another tempting offer put forward by a corrupt Nigerian banker. How long will Gilbert be able to keep this particular worm wriggling on the end of his hook? Cast of characters
From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: FAST REPLY IS NEEDED Sent: Tue, 20 Jun 2006 00:00:59 +0100 (GMT+01:00) MR WONDAY KUMBA Dear friend, I feel quite safe dealing with you in this business proposition having gone through your remarkable profile on the internet. Though this medium (internet) has been greatly abused, I choose to reach you through it because it still remains the fastest, surest and most secured medium of communication. However, this correspondence is purely private, and it should be treated as such. I also guarantee you that this deal is hitch free from all what you may think of. I am MR WONDAY KUMBA, the HEAD of TREASURY/CREDIT UNIT in the GUARANTY TRUST BANK PLC, NIGERIA. I am contacting you based on trust and confidentiality that will be attached to this deal. The management and the legal department of our BANK (GUARANTY TRUST BANK PLC, NIGERIA) in a recent meeting, recommended that the account of MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN, who was one of my branch depositors, should be declared dormant and confiscated the depositor's fund to the bank treasury according to Nigeria banking and financial law. He is a foreigner based in Nigeria, unfortunately he is late as he was amongst those that was killed in the recent WARRI CRISIS. He is an account holder in my branch, he owns a dollar account with the sum of $35 million (thirty-five million United States dollars only) deposited in the account. In fact it happened that since his death, the next of kin of the dollar account holder (the brother) has not shown up for the claim. This is where I am interested on and this is where I want you to come in. I want you to come in as the relation of the deceased. I will give you necessary assistance and perfect the legal authentication documents which will officially recognise you as a relation to the deceased. Then, I will give you the contact of the payment authority and you will write an application for the claims as the next of kin to the late MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN. I shall guide you with all diligence and legal processes to ensure the smooth perfect success of this transaction and the funds ($35 million) must be transferred into your own bank account in your country as the newly approved beneficiary. Upon my personal finding on this matter, I kept this information secret to myself until now that I am contacting you. In view of the fact that the deceased customer is a foreigner (from a different country), it is officially important for the involvement of a foreigner who will pose as a next-of-kin. I will use my exalted position in this bank to present you as his next of kin as you can be his relative, friend or cousin and the money ($35 million) will be safely transferred into your own bank account in your country. Before I made up my mind to contact you, I have concluded every arrangement to ensure that you receive the funds successfully as the next of kin. Please include your telephone/fax number and home address when replying to this mail and I will give you more information as soon as you indicate your willingness to assist in this transaction. We will use our positions to get all internal documentation to back up the claims. The whole procedures will last only five working days to get the fund retrieved successfully without trace even in future. Please I need the following:
The transaction will be done successfully and smoothly completed via email and phone. You don't need to come to my country. Send your full name, address and telephone number to me via email urgently today so that I will call you for discussions. I PROMISE that you must be happy and shall rejoice greatly soonest for co-operation with me in this transaction. After successful conclusion of this transaction, we shall share the money 50-50 (50% for you and 50% for me). Yours truly, MR WONDAY KUMBA From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Re: FAST REPLY IS NEEDED Sent: Mon, 26 Jun 2006 08:43:46 Dear Mr Kumbaya, I have just read the remarkable email you sent to me earlier today. I have to say, I'm very interested in your proposal: I run a charitable concern in the small Lincolnshire village of Gypping in the Marsh - an earthworm sanctuary - and we are always on the lookout for new sources of funding. Please get back to me with more details and I will consider your offer more closely. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: BUSINESS IN PROGRESS/REPLY FAST Sent: Mon, 26 Jun 2006 18:03:46 +0200 (CEST) DIRECT NUMBER: 234-8027173004 ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Compliments of the day to you. I really thank you for your willingness to assist me in this mutually beneficial transaction. Note that this business is absolutely legal and risk-free and it shall follow legal procedures in confirmation that there is NO RISK involved. Sincerely speaking, I am willing to do this business ONLY with you and I demand your total honesty, faithfulness and confidentiality regarding all matters in the transaction. Do not discuss it with anybody in your country until the $35,000,000 arrives in your bank account safely as assured. Have confidence in the assured smooth success of this transaction and endeavour to follow my instruction religiously and always reply to my emails promptly. Note that all documents relating to the ownership of the $35,000,000 (thirty-five million United States dollars) shall be diligently transcribed to your own name in order to perfectly and officially confirm/recognise you as the next of kin and the new beneficiary of the $35 million. You are my ONLY partner in this transaction and I shall trust you and work together with you with all my heart. After the necessary documents must have been diligently secured in your favour, the payment approved file that shall be opened also in your favour shall be passed to the GOVERNOR'S OFFICE OF THE PAYING BANK to enable them to contact you directly (as the new beneficiary) regarding the final remittance of the funds to you. The documents once secured shall be sent to you either via fax or email attachments. I hereby give you complete assurance that everything must work out successfully and legally in order to ensure 100% risk free operations and quick remittance of the funds to you and smooth successful conclusion of the business. Note that I will always be available (as your reliable partner) to direct you accordingly on all steps to take until the money finally arrives in your bank account. As the documents will be legally secured in your name and favour, a payment file shall be officially opened for you. The payment file means the compilation/records of all the related documents which includes the affidavit of claims, foreign exchange approval document, funds release order certificate and other important documents that I will secure in your favour which will enable the remittance authorities to officially recognise you as the legal/bonafide beneficiary of the $35,000,000. All the above mentioned documents shall be compiled in ONE record file and a payment code number plus file approval number will be given to it confirming you as the legally approved beneficiary. I will diligently secure the affidavit of claims, beneficiary authentication documents and the foreign exchange approval documents from the financial/judicial authorities in your favour which will officially recognise you as the new approved entitled owner of the $35 million. My utmost intention is that once the funds is transferred and confirmed in your hands, I will come over to meet you in your country for the disbursement. Feel happy and follow my advice and always communicate to me via email every day. YOUR PROTECTION IS 100% GUARANTEED. Thanks for your understanding and good co-operation as I expect your response today. Your LOVELY brother, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: A few questions Sent: Tue, 27 Jun 2006 09:53:28 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. I must say, what with all those documents and things we're going to have to get hold of, this is all starting to sound a bit complicated. To tell the truth, I'm a bit of a duffer when it comes to this kind of thing, so I was wondering whether it might be worth getting in touch with my lawyer, Welsby, so that he can help me understand things at this end. What do you think? I did have another thought. You said in your email that this business would be completely legal and risk-free, but how can it be, when I'm going to be pretending to be someone's next of kin? The idea of all that money is very enticing - and God knows that the Gypping in the Marsh Earthworm Sanctuary needs the money - but I don't want to get myself involved in anything dodgy. I've got my reputation to think of. Are you sure there's no risk involved in this? And another thing. You say that this Mr Finkelstein has a brother who hasn't shown up yet. Well what if he decides to show up in the future? He isn't going to be very happy when he finds out that you and I have appropriated his late brother's money. If I were him, I'd be very angry indeed. Wouldn't you? This is a big worry to me, Mr Kumbaya. What if he comes after us looking for his money? I must go: my assistant has just returned in the ambulance with a sickly worm that he has collected from a garden in the village, so I need to prepare the hospital wing. Apparently the poor creature has quite a serious spade injury on its flanks, and it might require bandaging. Do get back to me as soon as you can with answers to my concerns. I'll be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: TRUSTING IN YOUR CO-OPERATION/REPLY FAST Sent: Tue, 27 Jun 2006 12:48:30 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, My good friend, thanks for your email. This transaction is 100% genuine and you will be surprised to receive the funds ($35 million) in your bank account very soon. I am really trying all day and doing my best to ensure smooth success, hence I expect you to give priority attention to this viable/promising transaction. Obviously, I spent money and perfected certain vital arrangements and made sure that the coast is clear before I contacted you to be my partner in this viable transaction. Also, note that I have done my homework effectively and I am 100% sure of prompt success in this beneficial business relationship. Note I have paid an attorney who is assisting me legally to secure the necessary documents in your favour and he DOES NOT KNOW that this business is a deal between both of us. He only understands that you are claiming the money that belongs to you (as the next of kin to the late MR ROBERTS FINKELSTEIN). So do not contact your lawyer, this very one will help us in any area. This is because I diligently fixed in your name in the beneficiary's files existing in this department of the bank and when he checked, it was confirmed that you are the actual next of kin and the eligible new beneficiary to claim and own the outstanding funds which is the sum of $35 million. So, all that he has to do is raising/securing the payment approval documents from the financial ministries/remittance authorities that will legally facilitate the release of the funds ($35 million) to your own bank account in your country. I implore you to understand that I am your BROTHER in this transaction and I demand your complete co-operation in order for us to achieve the promising success. I have put forth my trust and confidence in you and I have the faith that you will remain a good and enduring friend to me forever. I am happy for the maturity in your email in which I can be assured that you must maintain the confidentiality and required faithfulness in this business. You should understand that the amount involved in this transaction is big, so I want us to diligently do everything with maturity and good wisdom. Your friends will NOT know about it until we have established many investments with the money in your country. Take notice that in life, it is always wise to be careful and secret regarding individual prosperity until it finally gets to your hands safely and successfully. Meanwhile, an approval file have been opened in your favour and the file number is: GTB/NG07/TR9US/2006. Take note that the $35 million is deposited in the account number 63827719045. I am confident and assured that we must succeed in this transaction and I have wholeheartedly trusted in your good honesty in the belief that my share of the funds will be given to me once we meet in your country after the $35 million is transferred to your account. Please my dearest friend, tell me in your next email whether you are married, the number of children you have and your religion. I will tell you all about myself because I have taken you from the deepest of my heart as my own blood relation. I am a good Christian and I have the fear of God. Hence, I believe in divine assistance and miracle and I have the faith that we must succeed in this transaction and we will soon stay together as great relations and best of friends in your country. Hoping to hear from you today. Also, remember to maintain constant communication with me on an everyday basis. Please call me for more details. Your LOVELY brother, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: But what about Mr Finkelstein's brother? Sent: Tue, 27 Jun 2006 15:21:48 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. You seem very positive that we won't come across any problems in this transaction, but what about if Mr Finkelstein's brother shows up, finds out what we've done with his late brother's fortune and pursues us for the money? What do we do then? He'll know that I'm not his late brother's next of kin, and given that we're depriving him of $35 million that's rightfully his, I would imagine he'll be very angry. He might be willing to do anything to recover his lost fortune. I don't mind telling you that that prospect scares me, my dear fellow. You asked about my personal life and my religion. I am indeed married (to my dear wife Elizabeth) and I have one son, a dear boy called Gilbert Jnr. Like you, I am a devout Christian. Not a Sunday goes by without my family and I taking a pew in Saint Bodkin's church and gazing on in rapture as the vicar plays with his enormous organ in front of the assembled congregation (the vicar has the largest organ in Lincolnshire and is extremely proud of it). Tell me, my friend, what denomination are you? Elizabeth and I are proud to be followers of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal. We used to belong to the Church of England, but the vicar recently changed denomination after a disagreement with the bishop over the design of some hassocks he had ordered, and most of the congregation followed the vicar into the new church. As a result of this, Elizabeth and I both now adhere to the writings of the Great Prophet Noel, the founder of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal, in all our daily doings. We also donate 25% of all our earnings to the church. I will therefore be donating 25% of my earnings from this transaction to the church: it is the right and proper thing to do. Please do get back to me as soon as you can regarding my concerns over what might happen if Mr Finkelstein's brother turns up on the scene. Perhaps before we go any further we ought to devise a plan of action just in case he does reappear. What do you think? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I WILL CONTACT YOU TOMORROW Sent: Tue, 27 Jun 2006 19:27:36 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Brother, I did not want you to start thinking about this promising transaction. Just be putting this transaction in prayers so we will complete this promising transaction. Do not WORRY about the late MR ROBERTS FINKELSTEIN'S BROTHER, because I know how to handle things as a good banker. I will give some % to God because I strongly believe in God and I am hoping that both of us will establish good investment in England with this funds $35 million. I will direct you tomorrow on how you will contact the paying bank that will finally transfer the funds to you without any questions because I am here WORKING well to perfect the perfection in this transaction. Have rest assured that all is GOOD. Call me on phone please if you can. Hoping to hearing from you soonest. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I am still worried about Mr Finkelstein's brother Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 09:04:37 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. While I am glad to hear that you are working well to perfect the perfection in this transaction, I have to admit that my worries over Mr Finkelstein's brother have not been assuaged by your assurance that you know how to handle things as a good banker. Being a good banker is all very well, but somehow I don't think that your proficiency in double-entry bookkeeping will be of much use if Mr Finkelstein's brother finds out what we've done and comes after us with a machete. I still think that we need a plan, my friend, so that we will be able to deal with Mr Finkelstein's brother if he ever does show up looking for his money. Do you have any ideas? I have taken your advice and I prayed last night to the Great Prophet Noel for the success of this transaction. I have no doubt that He will have heard my prayer and that He will deliver what I have cosmically ordered. On another matter, I'm pleased to be able to report that the injured worm that was brought in yesterday is doing well. The poor little fellow had quite a nasty cut on his side - gardeners can be so careless - but I managed to clean and dress his wounds and I'm confident that he's going to make a full recovery. In recognition of the good turn you're doing both me and the worm sanctuary, I've decided to name him Wonday in your honour. Please let me know your thoughts on what we can do about Mr Finkelstein's brother. I will be praying to the Great Prophet Noel for guidance. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You didn't tell me which denomination you are, my friend. Are you too a member of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal, or are you a member of one of the lesser Christian churches? From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: CONTACT THE PAYING BANK Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:46:19 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Good day and divine blessings to you. Be assured that this transaction is actually progressing tremendously. Take my advice and achieve the final success promptly and smoothly. The attorney that I paid on your behalf have been able to affidavit for claims and official change of beneficiary thereby confirming you officially as the legally recognised new bonafide beneficiary of the $35 million. I am happy to inform you today that the affidavit for claims and authentication of new beneficiary has been successfully completed in your favour. Now, your name has entered the computer system of the Foreign Operations Department of the paying bank officially recognising you as the approved new beneficiary and legal owner of the money. Also note that a new beneficiary file is now OPENED in your favour with your name in the approved file as the beneficiary of the amount. The next and final aspect of this transaction is that you shall urgently write an application to the GOVERNOR'S OFFICE of the GUARANTY TRUST BANK. Act fastly today. The official email address is bankgovernor@yahoo.com. So, you shall address the letter to the Governor (PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI) and inform him that you are the next of kin and the approved owner of the sum of $35 million presently under his official banking control. The Foreign Operations Director of this insurance company has PASSED your file for payments to the Governor's office of the Guaranty Trust Bank. So send an email urgently to the Guaranty Trust Bank on the above email. Give him your full name, address, your telephone/fax numbers and your account details in your country because he will first confirm from the Foreign Operations Department of the insurance company and the contents of facts in your file to confirm your points before he responds. Give him your file approval number which is GTB/NG07/TR9US/2006. Remember to quote the approval file number today when writing to the Governor's office of the paying bank. The Governor of the paying bank will then check and confirm in your payment approved file which confirms that you are eligible to claim the sum of $35 million that belongs to you (as the next of kin to late MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN) who happened to be your late uncle. Be assured that all is well. Follow my advice and you must smile very soon. There is great progress in your favour here and I assure you that soonest, the $35 million will be finally transferred to your nominated bank account. I wait to hear from you today after you send a message to the Governor's office via their email address given above. I am one of the good members in Christ Embassy here in Nigeria. It is a Pentecostal church. Do not worry about Mr Robert's brother, all is well. God bless you my good friend as I expect you to co-operate fastly and reply promptly. Yours truly, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: FILL THIS DRAFT AND SEND IT TO THE PAYING BANK Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 10:47:45 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, RE: DIRECTIONS THAT YOU NEED Good day to you my true friend. I want you to copy the DRAFTED letter below and send it urgently to the Governor's office of the Guaranty Trust Bank today. SEE THE DRAFT OF THE LETTER; COPY AND SEND IT TO THE BANK GOVERNOR TODAY.
NOTE that you shall copy the above letter and send it to the bank Governor today. Also, remember to fill in the appropriate details in the spaces marked .......... in the drafted letter above. I await your prompt response today immediate after you communicate to the bank Governor. Yours truly, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: What's the bank's postal address? Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 14:58:11 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your emails. I have to admit that I did find them rather confusing - this isn't a simple process, is it? - but I think I've got the gist of what you want me to do. I've printed out that letter that you sent me, and I've filled it in, so all I need to do now is send it to the Governor. Could you let me know the bank's postal address please? I'll send it by recorded delivery to make sure Mr Mojolabi gets it. I'm still worried about Mr Finkelstein's brother, my friend. I'm seriously worried at the prospect of him finding out what we've done and coming after us for the money. He might be a very nasty man. He could hunt us down and shoot us like dogs. Aren't you at all worried about that? I barely slept last night because I was worrying about it so much. I'm sorry to hear that you're not a member of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal. If you knew just how much pleasure the Great Prophet Noel had brought into my life since I joined the church, I am sure that you would want to join up immediately. Life is just one big house party when you abide by the teachings of the Great Prophet Noel. Actually, I was reading a few passages from the Book of Noel last night before I went to sleep - as I always do - and I was struck by the similarities between my life since I responded to your email and the life of the Great Prophet Noel when He was brought back after spending years in the wilderness. Being a member of a less enlightened church, you may not be all that familiar with the Book of Noel. Well, channel 4, chapter 4, verse 15 tells of the time in which the Great Prophet Noel was saved from years in the wilderness by a strange being known only as "the banker", who brought about a revival in the Great Prophet Noel's fortunes by asking Him to choose one box out of twenty-two. The Book of Noel tells us how the Great Prophet Noel picked the correct box and was immediately enriched. The Great Prophet Noel used the riches to found the Church of Zeal or no Zeal, and as we know, the rest is history. Can you see the similarities here, my friend? You see I too have spent years in the wilderness - the financial wilderness, in my case - and my luck seems to be about to change following your intervention... and you too are a banker. This coincidence is uncanny. Perhaps it is a sign... perhaps a sign sent by the Great Prophet Noel Himself. I must discuss it with the vicar after this Sunday's service at Saint Bodkin's. He may be able to throw some ecclesiastical light on the matter. Anyway, back to business. Do get back to me as soon as you can with the bank's postal address so that I can get that letter off to the Governor. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I am pleased to report that little Wonday appears to be recovering well in the hospital wing. I am sure it won't be long before I will be able to take him out of quarantine and let him play with his other annelid friends. From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: CONTACT THE GOVERNOR FAST Sent: Wed, 28 Jun 2006 23:11:04 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, How are you doing my dearest beloved brother Gilbert? I am happy to receive your mail with some question. Please, I want you to send the draft to the Governor via email contact so that we will complete this promising transaction soonest. The Governor's private email contact is bankgovernor@yahoo.com. I have assured you time without number that I know how to handle things here in Nigeria. Do not worry about the brother of Mr Finkelstein. I have made everything CLEAR before I contacted you. I will JOIN your church when I come over to England. Please, do not inform any person in your church about this promising transaction. I want you to maintain the CONFIDENTIALITY of this deal for security reasons. Contact the Governor and get back to me as it was tabled from my previous mail. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I will contact the Governor today Sent: Thu, 29 Jun 2006 09:30:18 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. I thought that you wanted me to send a letter to the Governor by post, but I see what you mean now. I will contact him via email today. Tell me, does he know that I'm not really Mr Finkelstein's next of kin, or will I have to lie to him and pretend that I am? You said in your last email that you didn't want me to talk to anyone in the church about this transaction. Surely there wouldn't be a problem if I talked to the vicar about it? I really want to ask him whether he thinks you contacting me in the way you did could be a sign from the Great Prophet Noel. After all, the parallels between what's happening to me and what happened to the Great Prophet Noel are very striking. A chat with the vicar could be most illuminating. The vicar's a terribly nice man, and he's the soul of discretion. As members of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal we have to confess all of our sins to him every Sunday, so he's well-used to keeping things confidential. I'm going to have to mention the fact that I'm lying to the bank about being Mr Finkelstein's next of kin during confession this Sunday anyway (that's a definite sin), so the vicar's going to know about it one way or another. Trust me, my friend, the vicar will be the soul of discretion. By the way, I'm overjoyed to hear that you're planning to join our church when you come over to this country... and the vicar will be delighted too. I'll ask the vicar for a membership application form on Sunday and send it on to you so that you can complete it in advance. Right, back to business. I'll get right onto the Governor. I'll let you know when I hear back from him. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Little Wonday had a very comfortable night and is doing well. I have been praying for him, so I am confident that the Great Prophet Noel is looking after his wellbeing. From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Regarding my late uncle's fortune Sent: Thu, 29 Jun 2006 09:34:58 FROM: Gilbert Murray COUNTRY: United Kingdom TO: PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR; Guaranty Trust Bank Sir, SUBJECT: REQUEST ON MY APPROVED SUM OF US$35 MILLION I humbly write to your exalted office regarding the issue of claiming the sum of US$35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) vide remittance code number MFW791RBZ53KSA06 and my file approval number is GTB/NG07/TR9US/2006. Be informed that I am the next of kin to late MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN. He was my uncle and he maintained a life assurance policy which amounts to the sum of $35 million and it is deposited with your bank. He is now dead and I am applying for the claims of the sum of US$35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) which is presently in his account number 63827719045 in your esteemed bank. Sir, I hereby request your good office to advise me regarding how I can completely claim the above mentioned amount as the next of kin to the former beneficiary. I hereby give you my complete personal details below: FULL NAME: Gilbert Arnold Murray ADDRESS: Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK TELEPHONE NUMBER: 01927 58367 MOBILE/CELL PHONE NO: N/A FAX NUMBER: N/A EMAIL ADDRESS: xxxxxx@xxxxxx.co.uk Thanks for your expected good attention to my request and prompt advice. Yours sincerely, Gilbert Murray PS. Please note that my telephone line is unfortunately out of action at the moment: a delivery driver accidentally reversed his lorry into a telegraph pole at the end of my drive and I am waiting for the telephone company to come and repair it. From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: GILBERT ARNOLD MURRAY LEGAL BENEFICIARY OF $35 MILLION IN UNITED KINGDOM Sent: Thu, 29 Jun 2006 06:35:31 -0700 (PDT) OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR FROM: PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank ATTENTION OF: GILBERT ARNOLD MURRAY LEGAL BENEFICIARY OF $35 MILLION IN UNITED KINGDOM RCN: MFW791RBZ53KSA06 RE: FILE APPROVAL NO: GTB/NG07/TR9US/2006; PAYMENT OF $35 MILLION IN YOUR FAVOUR This is to inform you that the concerned financial authorities of this country have perfected all modalities and issued vital approvals in your favour. The said approvals which includes the foreign exchange control allocation documents, empowers you to legally receive the $35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) as the legally approved beneficiary. By virtue of the affidavit of claim documents and other vital documents authorised and endorsed by both the judicial and financial authorities which is presently in your file, we have verified and officially confirmed that you are the actual next of kin to LATE MR ROBERT FINKELSTEIN. And, his inheritance which is the sum of $35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) SHALL BE legally transferred in your favour to your own account. We need your account details. Based on the fact that this Governor's office of the GUARANTY TRUST BANK have checked your payment file and we have confirmed all contents to be TRUE and CORRECT hence, we have officially approved the remittance of your funds ($35 million) to take place as promptly as possible once you co-operate in accordance to the constitutional banking procedures and ethical regulations detailed in this letter. The outlined constitutional stipulations that you MUST abide to, is that your total funds in the sum of $35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars) shall first be certified by the African Union Financial Regulatory Office (AUFRO) through the provision of the international anti-terrorists clearance certificate to officially and internationally cover the funds' free flow to your bank account. The remittance will be done immediately you secure the vital international clearance certificate from the AFRICAN UNION FINANCIAL REGULATORY OFFICE as will be directed in this letter. The international anti-terrorism clearance certificate will provide international release order that will officially enhance the telex remittance officials of this BANK to effect the transfer of the money to your own bank account in your country. Accept our congratulations as we urge you to co-operate with this official statutory guideline and receive the vital international anti-terrorists clearance certificate that will necessitate the final remittance of your approved sum of $35,000,000.00 (thirty-five million United States dollars). You as the beneficiary must adhere to the official payment directives detailed in this letter to enable you to receive the final remittance of your entitled amount promptly. Be assured that we must effect the transfer of your funds within 24 hours of confirming that you have paid the sum of $3,750.00 (three thousand, seven hundred and fifty US dollars) for the procurement of the vital international clearance certificate from the African Union Financial Regulatory Office (AUFRO). Note that stipulated in the constitution, official banking directives for the release of funds to foreign countries entails that you shall procure the international clearance certificate by paying the sum of $3,750.00 (three thousand, seven hundred and fifty United States dollars) via Western Union money transfer to the name and address of the designated receiver approved by the AUFRO below:
Take further notice that this office expects you to pay the above vital fees which is the sum of $3,750.00 (three thousand, seven hundred and fifty United States dollars) by Western Union money transfer promptly. And, send the payment details (control number) within the next 48 hours via email to this Governor's office of the Guaranty Trust Bank. Also, send a copy of the Western Union payment details to the President of the African Union Financial Regulatory Office via the official email address: aufro@fastermail.com. Note also that these fees CANNOT be deducted from your approved funds because in accordance to the stipulations of the international financial laws and the Foreign Payments Act of 2003, all approved beneficiaries of funds either by contracts execution or by inheritance SHALL PAY the fees that covers all banking necessities from the "beneficiary's pocket" because the approved funds can be transferred directly into the nominated bank account of the abiding beneficiary. Therefore, you are advised to comply with the necessary directives as clearly contained in this letter. We encourage you to act fast and achieve your final success. Congratulations as you comply today. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: MAINTAIN THE CONFIDENTIALITY OF THIS TRANSACTION Sent: Thu, 29 Jun 2006 16:09:03 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, How are you doing my dearest beloved brother Gilbert? I am happy to hear from you that you will send the draft that I drafted for you to the Governor's office. The Governor did not know that this is a deal between me and you so know how to send the mail to him so that he will not understand, but he knows you as the real owner of the funds so have 100% confidence and contact him. Please brother, take my advice, do not inform anybody about this promising transaction even your lovely wife, do not so that we will maintain the CONFIDENTIALITY of this promising transaction. Is good to keep secret when it needs to keep. I will tell you why I said all this when I come over to England. Forget about the CONFESSION to vicar, I will CONFESS with you when I come over. Remember that I informed you in my previous mail that I want us to be like good blood brothers. Gilbert, from now, do not call me friend OK? I am your brother. I did not want you to do any CONFESSION until I come over to England, please I beg of you. Please, update me once you hear from the paying bank because I know that they will transfer the $35 million to you once they receive your mail because they know you as the real owner of the $35 million. I am strongly preparing to meet you in England soonest. I will send to you my visa schedule in my next mail. Hoping to hear from you soonest. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Thank you for your email Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 08:50:03 Dear Professor Mojolabi, Thank you for the comprehensive email you sent to me yesterday regarding my late uncle's fortune. I see that you are a man who believes in the axiom "why say something once when you can say it a hundred times". Unfortunately I'm not very well up on legal and financial matters, so I found your letter rather difficult to understand. I will pass it on to a colleague of mine and see if he can explain things to me, then I will get back to you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Professor Mojolabi has emailed me Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 08:55:28 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Professor Mojolabi emailed me yesterday about Mr Finkelstein's fortune. Unfortunately I found his email rather confusing. In fact, to be honest with you, I don't really understand a word of it. Like I said, I'm a bit of a duffer when it comes to long documents and things like that. I've forwarded his email on to you. Is there any chance you could take a look through it and see if you can explain it to me nice and simply? I'd be ever so grateful. I have to say, Mr Kumbaya, I was shocked and dismayed by your suggestion that I should forget about confessing my sins to the vicar this Sunday. Do you not know that failing to confess your sins each week is in itself an extremely wicked sin? I can only assume that the lesser church of which you are currently a member is rather more lax about such matters than the Church of Zeal or no Zeal. But still, that's no excuse. Shame on you for suggesting such a thing. According to the Book of Noel, if I followed your suggestion and failed to confess all my sins to the vicar on Sunday, I would be doomed to spend eternity sitting in a perspex tank in the ninety-third circle of Hell, constantly having bright green gunk emptied over my head. Such is the fate of those who fail to confess all of their sins. You call yourself my brother, but what true brother would want such a terrible fate to befall me? But never mind, Mr Kumbaya. You still have a chance to redeem yourself. I was looking through my paperwork last night and I came across a spare membership application form for our church. I have attached it to this email so that you can print it out, fill it in, and send it back to me. I can then pass it on to the vicar. It'd be best for you to fill in the form before you travel over here. That way the vicar will be able to make all of the necessary arrangements before you arrive. He'll be able to have your name carved onto a pew, order a hooded cape with your name stitched onto the back, and prepare the direct debit form and last will and testament for you. He will also be able to order your own personalised copy of the Book of Noel (hand-tooled, leather-bound, and signed by the Great Prophet Noel Himself). Please get the form back to me as soon as you can. It shouldn't take you long to fill it in. In fact, why not send it back to me with your next email, along with an explanation of what on earth Professor Mojolabi is on about. Best regards, Gilbert Murray ![]() From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: READ AND ACT FAST Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 11:54:45 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, How are you doing my dearest beloved brother Gilbert? I am happy to hear from you that the Governor of this bank has opened communication with you. The mail that you received from the Governor makes me to understand that you are the real owner of the funds and that they are ready to transfer your funds. I read the mail very well, and it makes me to understand that your payment file did not contain an international clearance certificate. Please go to the Western Union office and transfer the sum of $3,750 so that they will use it to secure the MISSING international clearance certificate that you did not have in your payment file. Please send the fees today and get back to me so that we will complete this promising transaction. I am strongly working hard to make sure that I secure all my paperwork to come to England soonest. I will fill the membership application that you sent to me. I will send it to you soonest. I did not want you to make your confession is just that I want us to do confession together as lovely brothers. Get me right. Please, send the $3,750 to the Governor's office so that they will secure the needed document and transfer the $35 million in your bank account in England. The mail that you sent to me from the Governor makes me to understand that they will transfer the funds within 24 hours of receiving the $3,750 from you. Please call me on phone for more details. Hoping to hear from you soonest, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Why does the bank need such a large amount of money from me? Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 12:03:55 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. I'm sorry, but I don't understand why the bank needs such a large amount of money from me in order to transfer the $35 million into my bank account. And why does the bank need an "international clearance certificate"? I transfer large amounts of money from my bank account into the Church of Zeal or no Zeal's bank account every month, and my bank has never needed anything like that... and the church's bank account is in Switzerland. On top of that, the Governor was going on about terrorists in his email. What's that got to do with me? I've got nothing to do with terrorism. Terrorism is a sin. Why does the Governor think I am a terrorist? I don't understand. Can you explain it to me? It is a very sad day here in the village. The postman told me this morning that one of my neighbours, Farmer Jersey, was found dead by one of his farmhands yesterday afternoon. According to the postman he had somehow managed to fall headfirst into his own threshing machine. It sounds as if it was all rather nasty. I shall miss Farmer Jersey very much. He was a lovely fellow. He used to sit two rows behind me in church each Sunday. I shall pray to the Great Prophet Noel for his salvation. This has been a very unlucky year so far for the village: Farmer Jersey is the third member of our congregation to have died in unfortunate circumstances since we changed over from the Church of England to the Church of Zeal or no Zeal. It's all been terribly sad. Of course, the church will inherit Farmer Jersey's land now that he has passed away. I reckon that'll make the church one of the largest landowners in the village now - second only to the 18th Earl of Gypping in fact. At least it's good to know that Farmer Jersey's land is going towards a good and worthy cause. Talking of the church, I see now what you meant when you talked about confession. I look forward very much to joining with you as you confess your sins when you first join our congregation. No doubt it will take quite some time. But for now, I'll just have to confess my sins as usual this Sunday. I must go: some of our little charges are well enough to be released back into the wild today, so I am going out with my assistant in the van to set them free in a quiet corner of Gypping Marsh. It's always sad to see them go - one can get quite attached to them - but that's the whole reason for the Gypping in the Marsh Earthworm Sanctuary's existence. After all, we're not a zoo; we're here to heal the sick and to set them free as soon as we can. Oh, little Wonday is still doing well, by the way. I changed his dressings earlier this morning and his wounds appear to be healing nicely. Please get back to me as soon as you can with an explanation of what the bank needs all that money for. And do send that application form back to me as soon as you can: the vicar will be delighted to have another convert... and we now have an empty pew to fill. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO COME UP WITH THE FEES Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 05:09:28 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. We encourage you to come up with the fees so that we can be able to transfer your funds in your bank account in the United Kingdom. Have rest assured that we will transfer your funds within 24 hours of receiving the fees. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: SEND THE FEES TODAY Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 14:49:06 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Brother, the Governor want you to secure the international clearance certificate on your payment file so that your country will not see the funds of $35 million into your account as terrorist funds. Is highly important to secure the document so that your country will not ask questions about your funds. Please, I advise you to go to the Western Union now and pay the $3,750 so that the Governor's office will transfer your funds. I want you to send a mail to the Governor's office and let him to know that you are trying your best to see what you can do. Make the Governor to note that you are trying your best to send the $3,750 to the given name that he imparted to you. Who is little Wonday? I am still filling in the form. I need to read it carefully. Have patience. Inform me after sending the fees to the Governor's office. Hoping to hear from you soonest, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I will need time to lay my hands on that much money Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 14:45:03 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. I think I understand things a little better now, although to be honest with you I'm not sure why anyone would ask questions about the money once it enters my bank account. And $3,750 sounds like an awful lot of money to pay just to obtain one single certificate. Are you sure it's really necessary? Even if it is strictly necessary, I won't be able to lay my hands on $3,750 today; I don't have that kind of money just hanging around, you know. If it turns out that I really will have to pay that much, I'll have to withdraw the money from my savings account, and I've got to give a week's notice in order to withdraw money from there. You asked who little Wonday is. Haven't you been reading my emails? I told you the other day that we took in an injured worm from a garden in the village, and to show my gratitude for the huge favour you are doing me and the sanctuary, I named him Wonday in your honour. I told you this days ago. Please do try and keep up. Talking of worms, I am not ashamed to admit that I shed a little tear when my assistant and I set free the worms into the marsh earlier today. I can still remember the dreadful state they were in when we took them in all those months ago (their natural habitat had been destroyed when someone in the village laid a new patio), and it's been wonderful to see how they've slowly recovered and regained their health under my care. Watching them wriggle away out of the box and into the ground when we released them was a heartwarming sight. It was a bit of a shame that three of them got picked off by blackbirds within seconds of us releasing them back into the wild, but that's nature for you. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, my friend. Well, it's a bird-eat-worm world, to be precise, but you know what I mean. Anyway, what do you think I should do about the $3,750? Do you think there's any way we can avoid having to pay it, or should I contact my bank and give notice that I want to withdraw the money in a week's time? Please let me know. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: UPDATE Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 17:15:35 +0200 (CEST) ATTENTION: Gilbert Murray, Brother, I read your mail with enough understanding. Please, inform your bank that you will need to collect $3,750 from your savings account so that they will do the provision of the fees. I want you to also inform the Governor's office the very day that you will be able to come up with the official fees. There is no how we can FLUSH the fees away. You must pay it before you receive your $35 million. Please, inform your bankers now so that they will book you. I understand about the little Wonday. Keep it on, that is fantastic. Hoping to hear from you soonest. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I'll arrange things with my bank on Monday Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 16:34:39 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for your email. If there's absolutely no way we can avoid having to pay these fees, then so be it. I suppose it'll be worth it in the end. My bank will be closed now for the weekend, but I'll sort it out with them first thing on Monday morning. It's unfortunate that this will delay our transaction, but that can't be helped. Still, looking on the bright side, this delay gives you more than enough time to complete that membership application form and send it back to me. Do try and get it to me before Sunday so that I will be able to print it out and give it to the vicar after the Sunday morning service. Do have a pleasant weekend, my friend. I'll get back to you on Monday when I've got everything sorted with the bank. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. Don't forget to confess your sins in church on Sunday... even if it is a lesser church than the one you will soon be joining. I will be confessing my sins in full. From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I am making arrangements to get the money I need to pay the fees Sent: Fri, 30 Jun 2006 16:42:19 Dear Professor Mojolabi, A quick note to inform you that I am making arrangements to get the money I need to pay the fees so that you can obtain that certificate for me. The money is in a savings account and I have to give a week's notice before I can withdraw the money. I trust that this will be satisfactory. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: GET BACK TO ME FAST Sent: Mon, 03 Jul 2006 10:45:25 +0200 (CEST) How are you doing my dearest beloved brother? What is happening? Have you been able to secure the fees? Please get back to me so that I will know what to do next. Please try to send the fees to the Governor's office because we cannot avoid to pay the fees. Do you hear from the paying bank? Hoping to hear from you soonest. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I've sorted everything out with the bank Sent: Mon, 03 Jul 2006 10:10:16 Dear Mr Kumbaya, How are you, my dear fellow? I trust you had a good weekend? I've just got back from the bank, where I've arranged to withdraw the equivalent of $3,750 from my savings account. According to the bank I should be able to actually withdraw the money next Monday - a week today. I was chatting to the vicar on Sunday after this month's ritual scourging. I mentioned that I had had a stroke of luck and that I was soon going to be coming into a very large amount of money. I told him that - naturally - I would be donating 25% of my windfall to the church. When the vicar heard exactly how much money was involved, he got terribly excited, and he congratulated me on my good fortune. He told me that he would get in touch with the Great Prophet Noel's office this week so that he could tell them all about the large sum of money that I will be donating to the church. He told me he was sure that when the Great Prophet Noel heard about my good luck, He would want to send some of His men round to congratulate me in person and to offer me investment advice. Apparently the church has some marvellous investment schemes that are specifically aimed at church members with a large amount of money at their disposal. The vicar told me that the members of the church's financial wing had been advising poor old Farmer Jersey just before his unfortunate demise last week. He told me that the Great Prophet Noel's financial advisors were extremely persuasive men, and that he was sure I would be a fool to turn them down once I had heard what they had to say. I must say, this all sounds extremely encouraging: sound financial advice can be hard to come by. Tell me, my friend, should I ask the vicar to arrange for the Great Prophet Noel's financial advisors to pay you a visit too when you come over to this country? If their advice is as good as the vicar tells me, they may be able to make you an offer you can't refuse. Unfortunately, there is one tiny fly in the ointment. The vicar reminded me that the Book of Noel states very clearly that members of the Church of Zeal or no Zeal are expressly forbidden from conducting business with anyone who isn't also a member of the church. I have to admit that I had completely forgotten about that. What this means is that the vicar has forbidden me from carrying on this business with you until he has received your completed membership application form. As soon as he has received this, he tells me that he will be happy for me to proceed. This shouldn't be a problem, should it? I mean, you did say last week that you were going to join the church anyway. As long as you get the completed membership application form back to me before the end of this week, we will be able to carry on as before. Please get back to me with the form as quickly as you can, my friend. I will be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You will be pleased to hear that little Wonday's condition is improving daily. I gave him a little pat on his head last night as I wished him goodnight - well, I think it was his head - and told him that it wouldn't be long before he could meet his benefactor - you, my friend - in person. From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THANKS FOR ALL Sent: Tue, 04 Jul 2006 00:05:29 +0200 (CEST) How are you doing my dearest beloved brother? I am happy to receive your mail again. Please, send the form again because I am in love with your church. I really want to be a member. Do you hear from the paying bank? Hoping to hear from you soonest. MR WONDAY KUMBA From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Have you lost the application form? Sent: Tue, 04 Jul 2006 09:31:43 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Why have you asked me to send you the membership application form again? Do you mean to say that you have lost the application form that I sent you last week? Have you deleted it? Shame on you, Mr Kumbaya! Do you realise what a sin you have just committed? That membership application form had a picture of the Great Prophet Noel on it, and the Book of Noel teaches us that we must treat all images of the Great Prophet Noel with the utmost respect. Deleting a document that contains an image of the Great Prophet Noel is a serious sin. According to the Book of Noel, anyone who commits such a sin will be doomed to spend eternity in the seventy-sixth circle of Hell, watching endless repeats of the most mindless early evening light entertainment programmes. I would hate such a fate to befall you, my friend. I urge you to confess your sins immediately and to be more careful with images of the Great Prophet Noel in the future. I shall pray to the Great Prophet Noel for your salvation. You will find another copy of the membership application form attached to this email. Please fill it in and get it back to me immediately, and please be a bit more careful from now on, my dear fellow. I will pass the completed membership application form on to the vicar as soon as I receive it from you. Please send it back to me without any further delay. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. This is an exciting day for little Wonday: I shall be removing his bandages this afternoon. Hopefully his wounds will have healed fully. From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: APPLICATION FORM COMPLETED Sent: Wed, 05 Jul 2006 00:14:50 +0200 (CEST) I am happy to inform you that I have finally filled the membership form that you gave to me. Note that I did not delete the previous membership form that you gave to me. A VIRUS entered in my system so that is why I asked you to resend it again. I really want to be a member so that I will bring the relationship that I have with you more closely. How is the little Wonday? Tell him that I will come to United Kingdom very soon and that I will bring very good African gifts for him. Below is the application form. Please, submit it to the needed office for fast membership. Have you been able to send any mail to the Governor? Please, send a mail to the Governor's office and let him to know that you are trying your best to remit the needed fees that is after you to receive your funds. The application form is below:
From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Your application to join the church Sent: Wed, 05 Jul 2006 09:23:55 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Thank you for sending me your application to join the church. Unfortunately, although I am sure that the vicar will share my delight in the fact that you are making efforts to join our church, I'm not actually sure whether he will be able to accept your application, as you haven't actually filled in and signed the original form. I have a feeling that the vicar may insist on receiving a copy of the original form, filled in by hand and signed by you. However, I will print out your application and take it to the vicar this morning to see what he says. I'll do my best to persuade him to accept your application. I am very sorry to hear that you have had a virus. Have you been to the doctor? I do hope you are feeling better now, my friend. I will pray to the Great Prophet Noel for your good health. You asked after little Wonday. Unfortunately, yesterday did not go quite as planned. While my assistant was cutting the poor little fellow's bandages away from his body with a scalpel, he was racked by a sudden sneezing fit - he suffers terribly from hay fever. Well, as he was sneezing, his hand slipped, and unfortunately he managed to cut poor little Wonday in two. My assistant and I both cried out in horror when we saw what he had done. I felt certain that my assistant must have accidentally killed little Wonday. However, once we had calmed down, we noticed that both ends of little Wonday were still wriggling about on the table. I had forgotten that if you cut an earthworm in half, you get two earthworms! So, praise be to the Great Prophet Noel, we now have not one, but two little Wondays! Naturally, we bandaged the new wounds on both of the little fellows without delay. I checked on them both this morning and I am happy to report that both of the little chaps are doing well. Obviously, we needed to come up with a name for the new worm. I have decided to call him Twoday. Anyway, back to business. I'll pop round to see the vicar right away and see what he has to say about your application. I'll get back to you later today. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I don't know what kinds of African gifts you were thinking of buying for little Wonday (worms can be so difficult to buy for) but perhaps you should now buy two of whatever it is you were going to purchase. From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: CONTACT THE PAYING BANK TODAY Sent: Wed, 05 Jul 2006 10:59:43 +0200 (CEST) How are you doing my dearest beloved brother Gilbert? I am so happy to hear from you that you have Wonday and Twoday. That is interesting. I will bring to them very good African gifts. Don't worry about the gifts because I know what they will like. Please submit my application to the Great Prophet Noel so that we will know if he will accept my application or not. Encourage him to accept it because I will not have another time to fill another form. Have you been able to send any mail to the paying office? Please let them know that you are working seriously to complete your transaction. Make them to know that you will complete your transaction because once they know that you will pay the fees, all hands shall be on the desk on your favour. Hoping to hear from you soonest, MR WONDAY KUMBA From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Your membership application Sent: Wed, 05 Jul 2006 11:17:18 Dear Mr Kumbaya, I have just come back from seeing the vicar. Unfortunately, it is as I thought: as you haven't completed and signed the original form, the vicar cannot accept your application to join the church. According to the vicar, in order for your application to be valid you need to print out a copy of the actual form that I sent you, fill it in and sign it by hand, then scan it in and send it back to me. I will then be able to print it out and pass it on to the vicar. The vicar also mentioned something that I had completely forgotten about: the membership application fee. He reminded me that your application must be accompanied by a $30 application fee, to cover administration costs. I asked the vicar whether I could pay the $30 on your behalf, but he said that was against church rules; the application fee has to come from the applicant himself and must be paid directly to the church's treasurer, without passing through a third-party's hands. The vicar explained that the application fee is normally paid by cheque, but as you are currently living abroad, paying by cheque obviously isn't an option. The vicar wasn't sure what the best way would be for you to get the fee to the church, so he telephoned the church's Treasury Department in London to find out for you. The person he spoke to said that in situations like this, the church is happy to accept payment from abroad via Western Union. Apparently you will need the following information to make the transfer:
The Treasury Department informed the vicar that once you have transferred the money to Mr xxxxxx, you should send the information that is required for him to collect the money to me, so that I can pass it on to the vicar, who can then pass it on to the Treasury Department. I am terribly sorry for this inconvenience, my friend, but please make haste and get your valid application to me as soon as you possibly can. The vicar has expressly forbidden me from continuing with this business until he has received your valid application and until we have heard from the church's Treasury Department that they have received your application fee. Do you think you will be able to transfer the application fee and get the completed application form back to me today, my friend? Please hurry: I won't be able to continue with this transaction until the church has received your valid application form and application fee. Please get back to me as soon as you can. I will be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Your membership application Sent: Wed, 05 Jul 2006 22:36:24 +0200 (CEST) How are you doing my dearest beloved brother? I am not happy with you at the moment because you did not inform me that I will join your church before we started this promising transaction. And is not MUST that I will attend to your church when I come over to England. Now, accept this or you forget about this promising transaction and I will look for another honest person that will help me to complete this promising transaction. Let's forget about this application of a thing, I will FILL it in when I come over to your country then you will direct me on how to complete the application without any MISTAKE again. Please, accept this opinion. Let's finalise this promising transaction first. How is little Wonday and Twowonday? Hoping to hear from you soonest, Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: The only way forward Sent: Thu, 06 Jul 2006 09:44:02 Dear Mr Kumbaya, I am sorry that I didn't mention the fact that it was against the rules of my church to do business with anyone who isn't also a member of the church when we commenced this transaction. The truth is that I had forgotten that particular church rule until the vicar reminded me of it on Sunday. That goes to show that I don't know the Book of Noel nearly as well as I should do, and for that I deserve to be punished. I shall excoriate myself later today. That will teach me. Unfortunately my dear friend, the fact remains that I cannot continue this business with you until you have applied to join the church. To do so would be a sin against the rules of the church and a sin against the Great Prophet Noel Himself. According to the Book of Noel, anyone who commits such a sin will be doomed to spend eternity in the thirty-ninth circle of Hell, being endlessly irritated by the evil demon Cheggers. But why is this such a problem? You have told me on numerous occasions that you want to join my church anyway, and all you have to do is fill in the form I sent you and send it back to me so that I can pass it on to the vicar, and send the paltry $30 application fee to the church's treasurer. It will only take you a matter of minutes to fill in the form, so what's the problem, my friend? I wish there was another way around this problem, but there isn't. I cannot go against the teachings of my church, and that's all there is to it. I would be damning myself for all eternity if I did so. My friend, I will be able to withdraw that $3,750 from my savings account on Monday and the bank is expecting me to send it on to them as soon as I have done so. But I won't be able to do that until you have applied properly to join the church. I would be devastated if this transaction came to nothing now, after all that we have done. It's up to you, my friend. Please, send me the completed application form and send the $30 to the church's treasurer today so that we will be able to complete this transaction. It is the only way forward. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. You asked about little Wonday and little Twoday. Little Wonday appears to be doing very well, but I am sad to report that little Twoday is looking a little peaky this morning. I suppose that's not surprising, after all the stress he went through yesterday. I have instructed my assistant to give him round the clock care to ensure that he pulls through. From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: The only way forward Sent: Thu, 06 Jul 2006 14:16:20 +0200 (CEST) How are you doing? I have told you to have patience that I will fill the application when I come over to London. Cool down because I will surely join the church when I come over to your country. Send the fees to the bank as soon as possible. Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I cannot continue until you have applied to join the church Sent: Thu, 06 Jul 2006 14:29:58 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Have you actually been reading my emails properly? Obviously not, because you seem to be completely ignoring what I am telling you. How many times do I have to tell you this before it sinks in? I cannot continue with this transaction until you have applied to join the church. Not only would that be against the teachings of the Great Prophet Noel, but the vicar has expressly forbidden me from doing so. Of course, he has my best interests at heart, for he knows that if I went against the teachings of the Great Prophet Noel I would be damning myself for all eternity. Is that what you want to happen to me? Do you want me to be damned for all eternity? Because that's what would happen if I violated the teachings of the Great Prophet Noel. I repeat, my friend, that the success of this transaction lies in your hands now. I can only send the $3,750 to the bank on Monday if you have applied to join the church and sent your application fee - a measly $30, which must be peanuts to an affluent banker such as yourself - to the church's treasurer. It is up to you, my friend. Unless you apply to join the church, I am powerless to act any further. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Where is your completed application form? Sent: Fri, 07 Jul 2006 11:04:22 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Why haven't you sent me your completed application form yet? And have you transferred your $30 application fee to the church's treasurer yet? I reiterate, my friend, that the vicar has forbidden me from moving any further forward with this transaction until you have applied to join the church, as you said you would. There are $35 million at stake here, my friend. This is no time for you to be lazing around in your office, idly playing with your paperclips or whatever it is that you bankers do. This is a time for action, Mr Kumbaya. Professor Mojolabi is expecting to receive that $3,750 from me on Monday. Unless I receive that completed application form from you by Monday morning, I won't be able to send it to him. The ball is in your court, my friend. Send me your completed application form immediately so that we can move forward on Monday. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I am glad to report that little Twoday's condition is improving. He is wriggling around much less stiffly now, and he even managed to eat some soil this morning. Praise be to the Great Prophet Noel for His mercy. From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: Re: Where is your completed application form? Sent: Fri, 07 Jul 2006 12:49:11 +0200 (CEST) I will not send the application until you inform me that you have received the funds. I will confirm from you that you have received the funds before I will fill the application and send it to you. From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: How many times do I have to explain this to you? Sent: Fri, 07 Jul 2006 12:06:50 Mr Kumbaya, How many times do I have to explain this to you? Is there something wrong with your cognitive processes? I will explain it to you again, in words of one syllable wherever possible: MY RE-LI-GION MEANS THAT I CAN ON-LY DO BUSI-NESS WITH PEO-PLE WHO ARE AL-SO MEM-BERS OF THE CHURCH. IF YOU DON'T JOIN THE CHURCH, I CAN'T DO BUSI-NESS WITH YOU. There. Is that clear? Unless you apply to join the church (as you have promised to do on numerous occasions) I will not be able to send any money to Professor Mojolabi, which means that we won't be able to claim the 35 million. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm getting sick and tired of explaining this to you again and again. Your namesake little Wonday seems to understand things better than you do, and I'm not even sure whether he was lucky enough to end up with the brain when my assistant cut him in two. What the hell are you playing at, Mr Kumbaya? Your truculence is placing this entire transaction at risk. It was you who contacted me about this transaction in the first place, and yet now you're acting as if you couldn't care less about it. Does $35 million mean nothing to you? Well it does to me, and if this transaction falls apart at the seams it will be entirely your fault. I gain access to the $3,750 from my savings account on Monday, but I can only send it to the bank once you have applied to join the church. Have you got that? Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Regarding my late uncle's fortune Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 09:10:17 Dear Professor Mojolabi, If you remember, you are waiting for me to transfer the sum of $3,750 to your colleague Mr Onoh so that you can obtain an international clearance certificate from the African Union Financial Regulatory Office, which you have told me is required before you can transfer my late uncle's funds into my bank account. I can withdraw the $3,750 from my savings account as of today. However, before I send the money to Mr Onoh, I have a question for you, and I would appreciate a prompt answer. You told me a couple of weeks ago that you would be able to transfer my late uncle's fortune into my bank account within twenty-four hours of you receiving the $3,750 from me. Could you please confirm that this is still the case, and that nothing - and nobody - can possibly stand in the way of this transfer being made? Please get back to me as soon as you can. I will be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: OUR WORD REMAINS OUR WORD Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 02:05:24 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. As it was tabled to you in our previous mail, so it is till date. Your inheritance of $35 million will be transferred to you after we received the $3,750 that we requested from you. Yes, you will receive your funds within 24 hours of confirming your remittance of $3,750 to this office for the needed paperwork/document that is MISSING in your payment file. We encourage you to have rest assured that you will receive the $35 million in your bank account after confirming the $3,750 from you today. We urge you to move now to the Western Union and remit the $3,750 for fast release of your funds. You can as well call me with the above office telephone number for further information. Nobody or bank will hold your funds on the way because your payment file that we have in this office is completed except this international clearance certificate that you are about to secure. Your payment file will be completed after securing this international clearance certificate. Remember to use the below information for the remittance of $3,750:
Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I will transfer the money to Mr Onoh today Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 10:33:17 Dear Professor Mojolabi, Thank you for your prompt response. I will withdraw the $3,750 from my savings account today and transfer it to Mr Onoh. I will get back to you as soon as the transfer has been made. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THE CORRECT NAME IS LAWRENCE ONUH NOT ONOH Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 02:55:45 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. Note that the name we imparted/gave to you is LAWRENCE ONUH, not ONOH. Do not make any MISTAKE in sending the money so that we will be able to receive your payment of today SMOOTHLY. I want you to send to this office the following information for fast RELEASE of your $35 million:
I advise you to give me a call after sending the above information to me via email so that I will be able to carry FAST OPERATION in your favour. Congratulations in advance. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: I am going to carry on with this business without you Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 11:02:22 Dear Mr Kumbaya, It pains me to have to tell you this, but as you have broken your word to me and failed to apply to join my church, I have no option but to carry on with this business without you. I had thought that I was going to have to give up this business altogether, but I talked things over with the vicar on Sunday and he made me realise that although I can't go into business with you, there's nothing to stop me from claiming the $35 million from the bank and keeping it all for myself. So that's what I am going to do. I have checked with Professor Mojolabi this morning, and he tells me that the only thing standing between me and that money is the $3,750 that I need to send to his colleague. Once I have sent the money to his colleague, he assures me that there is absolutely nothing - and absolutely nobody - that can prevent the $35 million from being transferred into my bank account. What this means, Mr Kumbaya, is that I am cutting you out of the deal. I am sorry to have to do this to you - after all, it was you who introduced this business to me in the first place - but your failure to keep your promise to me and join my church has left me with no alternative. I will be sending the $3,750 to Professor Mojolabi's colleague today, and he assures me that he will then be able to transfer the $35 million to me within twenty-four hours. As a result of your broken promises to me, you're not going to be seeing a penny of this money. However, you can rest assured that I will be spending all of the money on good causes: some of it will go towards the Gypping in the Marsh Earthworm Sanctuary, and the rest of it will go towards the Church of Zeal or no Zeal. You have only yourself to blame for this, Mr Kumbaya. I will pray to the Great Prophet Noel for you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: A slight problem Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 13:32:05 Dear Professor Mojolabi, I went into town this morning and withdrew $3,750 from my savings account. I then went to my nearest Western Union agent to transfer the money to Mr Unoh (thank you for putting me right about his name, by the way), but I have come across a slight problem. According to the Western Union agent, the maximum amount I can transfer from the UK to Nigeria in one single transaction is 500. Apparently Western Union have introduced this limit to crack down on some kind of fraud or something. I didn't really understand everything the agent was telling me, but from what I understood it sounds as if there is rather a lot of fraud in your country. Maybe you are aware of this yourself. Anyway, what this means is that I can't transfer the $3,750 to Mr Unoh via Western Union. I was wondering whether there was some other way I could get the money to him. I could always pop a cheque in the post... although that would take some time to get to him and to clear. Or how about MoneyGram? I think the post office in the village deals with MoneyGram transfers, and they might not have such a low transfer limit. Or perhaps you can come up with a better idea? Please let me know your thoughts. I will be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: USE THE THREE (3) NAMES Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 07:33:28 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. I want you to send the fees to this below names:
Use the above names and send the $3,750 via Western Union or MoneyGram. MoneyGram will be OK as well. Act fast so that your funds will be among the funds that we will transfer out to the rightful owner today from this bank. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Who are Mr Ogbechi and Mrs Nwadei? Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 16:28:55 Dear Professor Mojolabi, Thank you for your email. Although it is too late for me to do anything about the transfer today, I will pop over to the post office tomorrow morning and see what I can do. Tell me, who are Mr Ogbechi and Mrs Nwadei? This is all getting rather complicated. Surely a simple bank transfer from my account to yours would be simpler for all concerned? Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THE NAMES ARE SAFE Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 12:37:27 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. I want you to note that the names that I imparted to you are SAFE names. They all work under the remittance office. They know about your transaction because your payment file is in the remittance office. We are hereby expecting to receive the $3,750 from you tomorrow. Remember to send the below information to this office:
You can send the fees in one name of in the three (3) given names. We encourage you to try your best so that we will be able to complete your transaction tomorrow in this office. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: YOU ARE MY BROTHER Sent: Mon, 10 Jul 2006 23:20:17 +0200 (CEST) Brother, how are you doing? I am happy to hear from you that you have sent the fees to the Governor today. As you can see that I cannot be able to contact the Governor because I did not have any business with him and with his RANK in this bank, I cannot be able to go to his respectful office. Please, do not keep me aside from this transaction. I did not want to worry myself because I will come to your country once you inform me that you have confirmed the $35 million in your bank account. I will come to United Kingdom and look for Church of Zeal or no Zeal. I know that I will locate you after locating the church then I will fill the application and you will give me my own share. Please, do not turn back against me because I take you as my lovely brother and I am promising you that I will fill the form in United Kingdom once I come over. Please, send $1 million to me after you received the funds of $35 million so that I will use it to arrange myself before coming. Hoping to hear from you soonest. Your LOVELY BROTHER, WONDAY KUMBA From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Oh, so now I'm your brother again, am I? Sent: Tue, 11 Jul 2006 09:28:59 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Oh, so now that I've told you I'm cutting you out of this deal, all of a sudden I'm your brother again, am I? It's a bit late for all this brotherly love, Mr Kumbaya. I can see right through your protestations, you know. It's just the money that you're interested in, isn't it? Well you should have thought about that before you broke your promises to me and refused to join my church. Frankly, after the way you've treated me, I can't believe that you've got the audacity to come running back and begging me to send you money. Well if you want me to send you $1 million, you know what you have to do: you have to apply to join my church. Unless I receive your completed application form and the church's treasurer receives your application fee, I won't be sending you a penny. I'll be sending that $3,750 to the bank later this morning, and I'm expecting to receive the $35 million from the bank tomorrow at the latest. If you want any part of this transaction, you know what you have to do. I only hope that the Great Prophet Noel takes pity on you and shows you the error of your ways before it is too late. Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I have transferred the money to Mr Onuh Sent: Tue, 11 Jul 2006 10:02:18 Dear Professor Mojolabi, I have just returned from the post office, where I managed to transfer the $3,750 to Mr Onuh via MoneyGram. Thankfully, MoneyGram don't seem to have an upper limit on the amount you can transfer to Nigeria, so I managed to transfer the money in one single amount. Here is the information you requested regarding the transfer:
Presuming that Mr Onuh collects the money immediately, could you please confirm how long it will be before the $35 million reaches my bank account? Actually, it has just occurred to me that I don't think I've sent you details of the bank account into which I'd like you to transfer the money. Here they are:
Please get back to me as soon as Mr Onuh has collected the money. I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: RESPONSE FAST Sent: Tue, 11 Jul 2006 05:25:22 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that Mr Onuh Lawrence came back from the post office for the fees that you remitted to this office for the needed paperwork that you need to complete your transaction and he said that the 8 digits number that you imparted to him is not CORRECT. Please, I urge you to impart us the CORRECT 8 digits number for fast commencement of your transaction. Call me on phone after sending the CORRECT 8 digits number. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I'm terribly sorry, I made a mistake Sent: Tue, 11 Jul 2006 13:48:17 Dear Professor Mojolabi, I am terribly sorry, my dear chap. I've taken another look at the MoneyGram receipt and I've made a mistake. The postmistress has very bad handwriting you see, and I mistook one of the numbers on the form for another. Now that I have examined the form more closely, I can confirm that the correct MoneyGram reference number is actually 58692173, not 58672173 as I told you earlier. I am very sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Please pass on my sincere apologies to Mr Onoh. Anyway, now that you have the correct number, I presume that Mr Onoh will be able to collect the money immediately. Please get back to me as soon as he has done so. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: CALL ME ON PHONE TODAY Sent: Tue, 11 Jul 2006 08:43:00 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that Mr Onuh Lawrence came back to this bank and said to us that you did not send the fees. He said that MoneyGram officers contacted the MoneyGram in London and they said that they did not CONFIRM any money there. I urge you to urgently send the $3,750 to Mr Ikem Ogbechi because Mr Onuh said that he will not be able to give attention to you again. Mr Onuh is ANGRY with you that you have made him SUFFER today. Please, send the $3,750 to Mr Ikem Ogbechi and make sure that you impart us the CORRECT 8 digits number for fast conclusive of your transaction. Note that I will not give attention to your transaction if you did not call me on the phone. Make sure you call me on the phone so that I will know that you are not KIDDING. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I don't understand what the problem is Sent: Tue, 11 Jul 2006 17:10:08 Dear Professor Mojolabi, I've just read your last email and I don't mind telling you that I'm very confused. Why is Mr Onoh having trouble getting his hands on my money? I just don't understand what the problem is. Granted, I accidentally gave you the wrong number earlier today, but I've corrected that mistake so I can't see what the problem could be now. Are you sure that Mr Onoh knows what he's doing? And how dare you accuse me of "kidding" and not sending the fees? What on earth would be the point of that? There are $35 million at stake here, Professor Mojolabi, so let me assure you that "kidding" is the last thing on my mind. I've attached a copy of the MoneyGram receipt to this email so that you can see the transfer details for yourself. As you can see, the details of the transfer are quite clear: there's no doubt whatsoever that the money is in the MoneyGram system. I have to say, Professor Mojolabi, I don't much like the idea of my money floating around in the MoneyGram system for too long. Anything could happen to it. The sooner Mr Onoh picks it up and delivers it into your safekeeping, the better as far as I'm concerned. Here's a thought. If you're 100% sure that these problems aren't down to Mr Onoh's rank incompetence, perhaps it's your local MoneyGram agent who's at fault here. I suggest that Mr Onoh prints off a copy of the receipt I've just sent you and takes it along to a different MoneyGram agent. Maybe they'll know what they're doing. It's got to be worth a try. Get back to me as soon as Mr Onoh has done that. If he still has no joy, I'll pop back to the post office tomorrow morning and see if there's a problem at this end. I'll be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray ![]() From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I WANT YOU TO CALL ME ON PHONE Sent: Tue, 11 Jul 2006 10:01:17 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. Lawrence Onuh PRINTED the document that you sent to this office and he said that another MoneyGram office said that they did not send the $3,750 out from London. Please, go to the MoneyGram where you remitted the $3,750 and ask them to check the PROBLEM over there. Contact me once you are back from the MoneyGram office. Please call me for more details. We will transfer your funds of $35 million in the bank account that you gave to us in this office. Have rest assured that you will receive your funds immediately after Mr Onuh confirms the $3,750. Act fast and receive your funds. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: VISIT THE MONEYGRAM OFFICE AGAIN Sent: Tue, 11 Jul 2006 11:40:55 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that I am sorry for addressing you like that in my previous mail that it seemed that you are kidding. Admit my apology so that we will complete your transaction in good faith. Mr Onuh went again and again and still the same problem. It seems that they did not transfer the $3,750 out from your country. Please, I urge you to go to the MoneyGram office first thing tomorrow and correct the PROBLEM so that we can be able to complete your transaction and transfer your funds of $35 million through telegraphic transfer (TT). Why you do not want to call me on phone? I have been trying your telephone number but without success. Go to the MoneyGram and know what the problem is first thing tomorrow. Note that your SUCCESS is in your hand. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: I AM YOUR BROTHER Sent: Tue, 11 Jul 2006 21:01:57 +0200 (CEST) BROTHER, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THE ENTIRE MISTAKE THAT I HAVE DONE AT THE PAST FOR THE FORM. LET'S PRAY HARD THAT THE PAST WILL NOT BRING PROBLEMS FOR US. I DON'T LIKE REPEATING SOMETHING TO SOMEBODY THAT I KNOW THAT IS ELIGIBLE IN ENGLISH. I HAVE SAID THIS TIME WITHOUT NUMBER THAT I WILL FILL THE APPLICATION FORM IN UNITED KINGDOM. I WILL FILL THE FORM IN YOUR PRESENCE BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ANY MISTAKE AGAIN. YOU WILL DIRECT ME ON HOW TO FILL IT FACE TO FACE IN UNITED KINGDOM. I AM STRONGLY PREPARING TO MEET YOU SOONEST. FORGIVE ME. I WILL FILL THE APPLICATION IN YOUR PRESENCE THERE IN UNITED KINGDOM. DO YOU TRANSFER THE FEES AS YOU MENTIONED IN YOUR LATEST MAIL? PLEASE, UPDATE ME SO THAT I WILL START THANKING YOU GREATLY FOR YOUR HELP UPON ME AND THIS PROMISING TRANSACTION. HOPING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST. YOUR LOVELY BROTHER, MR WONDAY KUMBA From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I will go back to the post office this morning Sent: Wed, 12 Jul 2006 08:49:55 Dear Professor Mojolabi, Thank you for your email. I accept your apology. I would thank you not to address me in such an insolent way again. I am sorry to hear that Mr Onoh has still not managed to collect the money I transferred to him. I will go back to the post office this morning and see if there is a problem at this end. I will get back to you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Problem solved Sent: Wed, 12 Jul 2006 10:05:42 Dear Professor Mojolabi, Good news, Professor Mojolabi. I've been back to the post office and I've managed to find out what the problem is. I explained to the postmistress that your local MoneyGram agents hadn't been able to locate my transfer. The postmistress explained to me that MoneyGram are currently in the middle of upgrading their computer hardware in the UK. This has apparently resulted in what she called "internet connectivity" problems, and apparently mine is not the only transfer to have gone missing over the past ten days or so. What this means is that the transfer is definitely in the system - the postmistress showed it to me on her own computer - but it is not showing up on your local MoneyGram agents' computers because of these "internet connectivity" problems. However, the postmistress explained that there's a simple solution to this. She told me exactly what your local MoneyGram agent needs to do in order to locate my transfer on their computer and gain access to the money. Apparently all they need to do is to initiate procedure MG-RV8 on their computer system, entering the reference number of the transfer that I gave to you. This will apparently give your local MoneyGram agent access to all transfers that have got "stuck" in the system, and will mean that Mr Onoh will be able to collect the money there and then. The postmistress was rather surprised that the MoneyGram agents Mr Onoh visited hadn't initiated procedure MG-RV8 already: apparently it is standard procedure for MoneyGram agents when things like this happen. She even showed me the procedure in her MoneyGram Procedures Handbook. She said to me that if your local agents haven't heard of procedure MG-RV8, they probably don't know their job very well and that they could probably benefit from some more training. Perhaps Mr Onoh ought to suggest this to the MoneyGram agent when he goes back to collect the money. After all, their ignorance of their own procedures has wasted not only your time and Mr Onoh's time, but - more importantly - mine as well. Anyway, regardless of the problems Mr Onoh had yesterday, I'm glad we've got it all sorted out now so that he'll be able to collect the money. Please get back to me as soon as he has been back to the MoneyGram agent to let me know that the money is safely in your possession. I will be waiting to hear from you. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: It's too late for apologies now Sent: Wed, 12 Jul 2006 10:09:29 Dear Mr Kumbaya, It's too late for apologies now. If only you had joined the church when you said you would, I wouldn't have had to cut you out of this deal. But as things stand you haven't joined the church, so you won't be seeing any of this money. Things are moving on apace now, and I'm expecting the $35 million to be transferred into my bank account later this week, just as soon as Professor Mojolabi's henchman has collected the money I transferred to him yesterday. If you really wanted to join my church, you would have done so by now. You may as well stop contacting me, Mr Kumbaya, because you're not going to see a penny of this money. I shall tell little Wonday and little Twoday to forget about you, Mr Kumbaya. In fact, come to think about it I shall have to tell little Threeday, little Fourday, little Fiveday, little Sixday and little Sevenday to forget about you too (my assistant had a bit too much to drink the other day and decided to try out a touch more subdivision on Twoday). You had your chance, Mr Kumbaya, and you blew it. Never forget that. Best regards, Gilbert Murray PS. I am sorry to have to break this news to you, but according to the Book of Noel, the punishment for those who say they are going to join the church and then do not is to spend eternity in the eighty-second circle of Hell, being endlessly terrorised by the evil demon Mr Blobby. Not a prospect to relish, I think you'll agree. From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: TRANSFER THE FEES THROUGH WESTERN UNION TODAY Sent: Wed, 12 Jul 2006 06:11:15 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that Mr Onuh went to the MoneyGram office again and still the same problem. Nigerian MoneyGram officers are not perfect in handling computers. I want you to go back to the post office/MoneyGram and collect your $3,750 back and pay it through Western Union money transfer. Western Union is the only SAFER way to collect money. $3,750 is 2,050. I urge you to send the 2,050 to the below three (3) names:
Use the above names for the Western Union so that we will complete your transaction and transfer your funds of $35 million. We could have transferred your funds by now but MoneyGram has DELAYED in your transaction. We transferred many funds yesterday and we are completing some transactions today. Go and collect the $3,750 back from the MoneyGram office and send it fast to the above names through Western Union money transfer so that your payment file will be among the payment files that we will complete today. Act fast and receive your funds of $35 million without wasting time. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: What on earth are you and Mr Onoh playing at? Sent: Wed, 12 Jul 2006 14:39:39 Dear Professor Mojolabi, I have just read your last email. What is going on over there? What on earth are you and Mr Onoh playing at? How difficult can it possibly be to collect a MoneyGram transfer? What exactly happened when Mr Onoh went back to the MoneyGram agent? Did he tell them to initiate procedure MG-RV8 as I instructed? He can't have done, otherwise my money would be safe in your hands by now. Are you sure this Mr Onoh knows what he's doing? His ineptitude is delaying this entire transaction. Is he always this useless? Anyway, putting Mr Onoh's incompetence to one side for the moment, it's half-day closing in the village every Wednesday so I won't be able to go back to the post office to recover my $3,750 until tomorrow. I have to say, I'm still not keen on the idea of transferring the money via Western Union; as there's a 500 limit on transfers to Nigeria, I'd have to transfer the money in five individual lots, and that would be expensive. I think I'll pop into my bank tomorrow when I've got by money back from the post office to see if they can suggest a better way of getting the money to you. I have to tell you, Professor Mojolabi, all these delays are becoming extremely tiresome. It doesn't reflect well on your bank at all. If I were you I'd get rid of Mr Onoh at the first opportunity and employ someone of real ability in his place. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: URGENT RESPONSE Sent: Wed, 12 Jul 2006 07:16:50 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you we received your mail in this office. Mr Onuh said that the MoneyGram SPACE for the 8 digits is only 8 SPACES and that they did not put in extra SPACE in the computer. If they add the MG-RV8, the SPACE there will be containing 3 numbers only. I gave you order to use Western Union for the fees or you will need to FORGET about this transaction because I have many clients to give attention. Pay at least 500 in one name that I provided to you in my previous mail. Send it and get back to us immediately. Note that I want you to transfer the fees through Western Union only. I did not want to hear any complaint from you again about sending the fees. Pay it through Western Union. I know that Western Union will charge for the transfer fees. Take the fees out from the $3,750 or 2,050 and send the remaining balance. Do you understand? Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I will transfer the money tomorrow Sent: Wed, 12 Jul 2006 16:16:04 Dear Professor Mojolabi, I have just read your last email. To be frank with you, I didn't like the tone you adopted. In fact, I found it rude. I don't know if you're always this insolent in your dealings with your customers, Professor Mojolabi, but if you take my advice you'll start showing them a bit more respect. If you don't you might find that your customers start deserting you in droves and transferring their business to rival banks... rival banks who employ people with better manners than you. Anyway, back to business. I don't know what bilge Mr Onoh has been telling you about what happened in the MoneyGram office, but the man is plainly talking rubbish. The MoneyGram agent wasn't supposed to literally enter the characters "MG-RV8" into their computer; they were supposed to initiate procedure MG-RV8. That - as my local MoneyGram agent showed me earlier today - is an internal MoneyGram procedure that's listed in the MoneyGram Procedures Handbook. I explained all of this to you in an earlier email, and I'm presuming that you passed on the information to Mr Onoh. How could he get it so wrong? The man is obviously an idiot. Take my advice and get rid of him as soon as you can. Anyway, I will transfer the money to you as soon as I have collected it back from the post office tomorrow morning and I'll get back to you with details of the transfer. Until then, kindly try to remember that the customer - who is always right - deserves to be treated with a modicum of respect. Best regards, Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: WESTERN UNION IS THE ONLY WAY Sent: Wed, 12 Jul 2006 08:48:42 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you we received your mail in this office. Simply send the fees to the three (3) given names that I imparted to you through Western Union tomorrow morning as you promised so that we will complete your payment file and transfer your funds tomorrow. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: UPDATE Sent: Thu, 13 Jul 2006 10:13:34 +0200 (CEST) How are you doing my dearest beloved brother Gilbert? Have you been able to confirm the $35 million in your bank account? Please get back to me because I am highly worried about this promising transaction. Please, always update me. Your LOVELY BROTHER, WONDAY KUMBA From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: This transaction has nothing to do with you now Sent: Thu, 13 Jul 2006 10:03:27 Dear Mr Kumbaya, Why are you still emailing me? What part of "you may as well stop contacting me, Mr Kumbaya, because you're not going to see a penny of this money" do you not understand? As I have told you a number of times now, this transaction no longer has anything to do with you. I have cut you out of the deal as a result of your failure to join my church. I cannot do business with a non-believer. Your actions have damned you to spend eternity in Hell, Mr Kumbaya, and there is no way I am going to be joining you. Things are progressing well (despite the best efforts of Professor Mobolaji's cretinous assistant to foul things up) and there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that the financial security of the Gypping in the Marsh Earthworm Sanctuary will soon be assured. I have already told you to stop contacting me. Now go away, you grubby little man. I refuse to waste my time talking to heathens. Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I have transferred the money to Mr Onoh again Sent: Thu, 13 Jul 2006 10:04:22 Dear Professor Mojolabi, I have just come back from the village, where I cancelled the MoneyGram transfer I made the other day and retrieved my money. I told the postmistress all about the problems Mr Onoh experienced when he tried to collect the money, and she was completely mystified. She told me that in her opinion, either Mr Onoh or your local MoneyGram agent - or possibly both - must be a couple of legs short of a chair. Anyway, I went straight from the post office to the bank, where I had a chat with my bank manager, Nat West. I explained that I wanted to transfer a fairly sizeable amount of money to someone in Nigeria and asked if he could recommend the easiest and cheapest way to do it. As it happens, I was in luck. Quite by chance the bank manager's son did a few months' vacation work with the Red Cross in West Africa last summer - including a spell in Nigeria - so he knows all about sending money to Nigeria. He recommended that I send the money via the Transglobal Worldwide Automated Transfer System. Apparently it's very similar in operation to Western Union and MoneyGram, but it's cheaper than either system and it's supported by all of the major banks in West Africa... in fact your own bank probably supports it, Professor Mojolabi. On top of this - and importantly for us - unlike Western Union, there's no upper limit to the amount that can be transferred. My bank manager told me that he used it all the time last year to send money to his son and he never experienced any problems with the system at all. Naturally, I acted on my bank manager's advice and transferred the money to Mr Onoh immediately. I've attached a scanned copy of the receipt I was given to this email. All Mr Onoh has to do to collect the money is to go to a participating bank and tell the cashier that he is expecting a cash transfer that has been made via the Transglobal Worldwide Automated Transfer System. The cashier will then give him a brief form to fill in. The details Mr Onoh needs to complete the form are all on the scanned copy of the receipt that I have attached to this email. Once Mr Onoh has completed the form and shown some form of ID such as a passport, ID card or driving licence, the cashier will hand over the money there and then. Please send Mr Onoh to pick up the money immediately and get back to me as soon as he has done so. Here's hoping he has his wits about him today: I am sick and tired of all these delays at your end. I look forward to hearing from you. Gilbert Murray ![]() From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: YOU MUST TAKE MY INSTRUCTION Sent: Thu, 13 Jul 2006 03:17:10 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. Mr Onuh is not going to any bank for the money that you transferred. Go to Western Union and pay the 2,050 or you FORGET about your transaction. I urge you to send the 2,050 to the below three (3) names through Western Union:
Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I have transferred the money. Send Mr Onoh to collect it at once Sent: Thu, 13 Jul 2006 11:33:38 Professor Mojolabi, I have just read your last email... which, incidentally, was extremely rude and insolent. I am baffled, Professor Mojolabi. What is wrong with you, for Noel's sake? Thanks to your oafish assistant's incompetence I have already wasted far too much of my time on this transaction, traipsing backwards and forwards to and from the post office and the bank. I have bent over backwards in my efforts to get this money to you. It would be appreciated if you would make a similar effort rather than just sitting back in your wicker chair and playing pocket billiards, or whatever it is you're actually doing over there. I transferred the money to Mr Onoh earlier this morning. Why on earth is he refusing to go and pick it up? My bank manager assured me that the Transglobal Worldwide Automated Transfer System was accepted by all of the major Nigerian banks, so what is your problem? You are supposed to be a banker yourself, for Noel's sake - or had you forgotten that? Your own bank probably deals with these transfers, so all you have to do is to send Mr Onoh downstairs to see one of the cashiers in your own banking hall. How difficult can that possibly be? I am getting sick and tired of all this nonsense, Professor Mojolabi. I have transferred the money to Mr Onoh. Send the man to pick it up at once, and let's have no more of your pathetic whining. Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Has Mr Onoh collected the money yet? Sent: Thu, 13 Jul 2006 14:55:24 Professor Mojolabi, What is going on at your end? Has Mr Onoh collected the money I transferred to him yet? To be perfectly honest with you, I'm beginning to wonder whether you and Mr Onoh are up to something. You seem to be taking every available opportunity to delay transferring that $35 million into my bank account. Why are you doing this, Professor Mojolabi? Is it that you want to keep the $35 million in your own bank for as long as possible? I imagine that $35 million must be earning quite a hefty amount of interest each day it remains in your bank. Is that the reason for these interminable delays? Are you trying to hold onto the money for as long as possible so that you can cream off the interest for yourselves? Is that it? My patience is fast running out, Professor Mojolabi. That $35 million is mine, and I want it transferred into my bank account before the week is out. I have had enough of your timewasting tactics. Get back to me at once with an update on the current situation. I am waiting. Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: GO AND PAY IT THROUGH WESTERN UNION Sent: Thu, 13 Jul 2006 08:45:04 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that I received your mail in this office. Please, do not contact us again until you pay the fees through Western Union money transfer. The Governor From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: UPDATE Sent: Thu, 13 Jul 2006 23:50:32 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we are hereby expecting you to remit the fees today so that we will be able to complete your transaction successfully today. I urge you to send the 2,050 to the below three (3) names through Western Union:
Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Re: UPDATE Sent: Fri, 14 Jul 2006 08:54:17 Professor Mojolabi, You are, without a shadow of a doubt, the most obstructive and irritating person I have ever come across. You are also the strangest banker I've ever encountered. WHY are you delaying this transfer? I have already transferred the money to Mr Onoh. It's there waiting for him to collect it. Why he has not done so is a complete mystery to me... especially seeing as the two of you are supposed to work in a bank. It just doesn't make sense. To be frank, I don't see why I should waste any more of my precious time cancelling the transfer I made the other day and making a new transfer, merely to satisfy your whim. I repeat, the money is there and waiting for Mr Onoh. All he has to do is go to a bank and collect it. Given the fact that the two of you are supposed to work in a bank, this doesn't seem like the most onerous task in the world. Get back to me when Mr Onoh has collected the money. And stop being so damn obstructive. Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: THIS MAIL MAY BE MY LAST MAIL TO YOU Sent: Fri, 14 Jul 2006 07:46:43 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. I have been working in this bank for many years ago and I do not know any thing like Worldglobal Transfer. If I do not know about it, no other bank in Nigeria will know about it. Please, go and pay the fees through Western Union so that we will complete your transaction. Do not send any more email to this office if you do not comply to send the fees through Western Union. This mail may be my last mail. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Don't assume that everyone else is as ill-informed as you Sent: Sat, 15 Jul 2006 09:23:47 Professor Mojolabi, Just because you have never heard of the Transglobal Worldwide Automated Transfer System does not mean to say that nobody else in Nigeria will have heard of it. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a lot of things that you don't know that are common knowledge for just about everyone else. Don't assume that just because you don't know something, everyone else is as ill-informed as you. I've already told you that my own bank manager used this system to transfer money to his son in Nigeria the other year, and my bank manager's son had no difficulty in collecting his father's transfers. He obviously had more wits about him than Mr Onoh. Anyway, thanks to your obstinacy, it seems as if Western Union is the only way to move this transaction forward. Well you will have to wait until Monday now. I will transfer 500 to Mr Onoh first thing on Monday morning. Let's see if he can manage to collect that without fouling things up. Gilbert Murray From: Professor Allen Mobolaji To: Gilbert Murray Subject: MESSAGE RECEIVED Sent: Sat, 15 Jul 2006 02:29:27 -0700 (PDT) This is to officially inform you that we received your mail in this office. We are hereby waiting for you to send the 500 on Monday to Mr Onuh Lawrence so that we will know if he will have problem to collect it or not. I want you to PROVE to me on Monday. Yours faithfully, PROFESSOR ALLEN MOBOLAJI, GOVERNOR, Guaranty Trust Bank From: Wonday Kumba To: Gilbert Murray Subject: UPDATE ME Sent: Sun, 16 Jul 2006 00:22:03 +0200 (CEST) How are you doing my dearest beloved brother? Have you been able to confirm the $35 million? Please update me so that I will know the day that I will come over to United Kingdom. I am hoping to hear from you. Remember to confess your SINS at the church tomorrow. I will as well confess my SINS at the church. Your LOVELY BROTHER, Mr Wonday Kumba From: Gilbert Murray To: Wonday Kumba Subject: Oh. You again Sent: Mon, 17 Jul 2006 08:55:39 Mr Kumbaya, In my last email I asked you what part of "you may as well stop contacting me, Mr Kumbaya, because you're not going to see a penny of this money" you did not understand. I now find myself having to ask you what part of "go away, you grubby little man" you do not understand. How many times do I have to tell you, this transaction has nothing to do with you now. It is purely between Professor Mojolabi, his feeble-minded assistant Mr Onoh, and myself. You are a heathen, Mr Kumbaya, and therefore damned in the eyes of the Great Prophet Noel. Therefore I want nothing more to do with you and you will not be seeing a penny of this money. Given the way you lied to me over joining my church, I wouldn't even piss on you if you were on fire. My emails to you have been perfectly clear, so why do you not understand me? What is wrong with you? Were you perhaps dropped on the head as a child? For one last time, Mr Kumbaya, GO AWAY AND STOP BOTHERING ME YOU NAUSEATING LITTLE WASTE OF SPACE. Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Western Union transfer made Sent: Mon, 17 Jul 2006 10:10:16 Professor Mojolabi, I have just come back from the village, where I cancelled the transfer I made last week to Mr Onoh and made a new transfer, of 500, via Western Union. There. Are you happy now? To make things as simple as possible for the otiose Mr Onoh, I have scanned in the Western Union receipt and attached it to this email. Kindly print it out and give it to the man before you send him off to your nearest Western Union agent to collect the money to ensure that there are no cock-ups this time. He will also need to know the answer to a test question. Here it is:
If Mr Onoh engages his brain and manages to collect the money without a repeat of last week's fiasco, I will transfer the rest of the money to him, in separate transfers of 500 each, later today. Hopefully you will then finally be able to transfer that $35 million to me. Send Mr Onoh to the Western Union office immediately, and please tell him to get it right this time. Get back to me as soon as he returns. I will be waiting. Gilbert Murray ![]() From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: Has Mr Onoh collected the money yet? Sent: Mon, 17 Jul 2006 15:21:12 Professor Mojolabi, Well, what's going on over there? Has that ineffectual imbecile Mr Onoh managed to drag himself out of his office chair and down to the Western Union agent yet to collect my money? Has he shuffled back to the bank with the money yet, or are you still waiting for him to return? If he's not back from the Western Union office yet, it wouldn't surprise me to hear that he's picked up the money and has made his way straight to the nearest bucket shop to drown however many brain cells he has remaining in cheap whisky. Given his woeful performance in this business so far, I don't expect anything better from the man. Take a tip from me, Professor Mojolabi: check the man's breath as soon as he gets back. Ten to one he'll stagger in reeking of booze. I've had just about enough of these interminable delays. Get back to me as soon as Mr Onoh shambles back into the bank with my money in his hands so that I can transfer the rest of the money over to you. Gilbert Murray From: Gilbert Murray To: Professor Allen Mobolaji Subject: I have had enough of your incompetence Sent: Tue, 18 Jul 2006 16:26:08 Professor Mojolabi, I have had enough of your incompetence. You and your half-witted henchman Mr Onoh have done nothing but delay and block this transaction right from the start. I have bent over backwards here, trying to get the money to you - first by MoneyGram, then by TWATS and then by Western Union - yet you and Mr Onoh have failed to collect the money time after time. You and Mr Onoh must have wasted an incredible amount of time shuffling backwards and forwards to and from the various banks and money transfer agents clutching the receipts I sent you, like a pair of children on their way to a sweetshop. Too bad your time was wasted for nothing. To be perfectly honest, I find it hard to believe that you and Mr Onoh actually work in a bank. Given the mental acuity the two of you have displayed in this business, I don't think I'd trust either of you to sweep dung off the streets. Happily I have been contacted by a jolly nice fellow called Abacha, who has put forward a very promising-sounding proposal. Mr Abacha appears to be the quintessence of charm and efficiency - in stark contrast to you and your grisly gang. I am pleased to say that therefore I have no need for your services from now on, so you can go back to doing whatever it is you spend your time doing over there... playing at target practice with your spittoon or getting legless on some vile home-brewed spirit that's been distilled from goat dung. I would like to be able to say that it's been a pleasure doing business with you. But it hasn't, so I can't. You and Mr Onoh give Nigerian bankers a bad name. In fact you give all Nigerians a bad name. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Gilbert Murray Copyright 2003-2025 www.gilbertmurray.co.uk. All rights reserved. Copyright notice |
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