In which Gilbert is contacted by a barrister who has difficulty spelling his own name, who puts forward a wholly unoriginal proposal regarding the funds of a deceased client. Will Gilbert be able to realise his dream of opening his own animal sanctuary? Will the barrister's wife be able to realise her dream of opening her own hospital? Or will Gilbert's morbid fear of wildebeest scupper the entire transaction?

Cast of characters

Gilbert Murray - a rather careless veterinary surgeon who has dreams of opening his own animal sanctuary.
Steven Williams - allegedly a solicitor with access to a large sum of money that has been left with a security company by a deceased client.

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Your Immediate Attention Gilbert Murray

Sent: Thu, 28 Jul 2005 12:34:14 +0100 (BST)

Mr Stevn (sic) Williams
Mathew & Associates
No 16 Boulevard du la Kara
Lome, Togo

Dear Gilbert,

I am Mr Stevn Williams, a solicitor at law and a personal attorney to late Mr Ferdinand K Murray, hereinafter shall be referred to as my client. My client worked as an independent contractor to the Shell Development Company here in Lome, Togo.

On the 21st of April 2000 my client, his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi Express Road and all occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of my client's extended relatives. This has also proved unsuccessful.

I have contacted you to assist in repatriating a fund valued at seventeen million five hundred United States dollars only ($17,500,000) left behind by my client with one security and finance firm here in Lome, Togo before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the finance and security firm where this amount were deposited.

The director of the finance and security firm contacted me on Friday 15-08-2003 and asked that I as the attorney to my late client should present either his cousins or his next of kin so that they will release or transfer the fund left in their custody to them.

Ever since then, I have made several attempts to locate any of his cousins or next of kin so that they will come forward to put in claims to the said fund, but unfortunately I discovered that in all his files with my chambers, he never mentioned having any relatives nor cousins. After several attempts to trace any of his relatives, I decided to track his last name over the internet in search of his cousins, hence I contacted you.

One fact remains clear, that anybody I present to the bank as his next of kin shall inherit the fund, and it is based on this fact that I ask you to get back to me immediately so that we both will discuss on terms of partnership in this issue so that I will forward your name to the bank as his legitimate next of kin backed up with a sworn affidavit of oaths from the magistrate court of Togo.

Be advised that this transaction is 100% risk-free as this transaction will remain sealed for life at the conclusion which will not take more than three weeks.

I await your immediate response so that I will give you a more comprehensive detail as regards to this transaction.

Barrister Mr Stevn Williams

Principal Attorney, Lome, Togo

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: Regarding your email

Sent: Tue, 02 Aug 2005 12:10:37

Dear Mr Williams,

I have just read the email you sent to me last week.

I think you must have sent it to the wrong person. Although I have to admit that seventeen and a half million dollars would come in very handy, I am sure that your ex-client was no relation of mine.

I wish you success in your continuing search for your late client's relatives.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Get back to me

Sent: Tue, 02 Aug 2005 20:00:24 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Thanks for informing me of your mind, but I could have asked you for an assistance hence I want this money to get out of Africa. You can as well represent as the real beneficiary hence you are having the same same name with the late client as well, and the film or bank wants someone who have all the information about the deceased, that is why I am telling you that I will provide all information about him.

Because I will get the certificates which are important for the transaction in case needed.

Or I can programme it to see that the payment centre in Holland or the Holland bank transfers this fund to your account, as far as you can be able to trustful honest to me, and I will need us, me and you, to have an agreement, a solid one, to insure me that once the fund enters into your account, you must inform me for me to start coming for the sharing of the fund, not to do away with the fund.

Please get to me now, because as soon as I hear from you now, we will then enter to the next step.

Thanks. God bless you and your family,

Barrister Steven

NB. You can enclose your phone number so that we can be calling each other. Mine own is 00228 9323865. You can reach me at any time.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I don't quite understand

Sent: Thu, 04 Aug 2005 09:23:41

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I have to admit that I don't quite understand all this. Are you trying to tell me that even though I am not related to your deceased client in any way, I can still claim the seventeen and a half million dollars that he deposited in the security company?

How can this be? Surely the security company would only be willing to hand the money over to someone who could prove that they were your late client's next of kin? Or do things work differently over there in Togo?

As I said to you the other day, seventeen and a half million dollars would come in very handy indeed - I am a vet and I have always wanted to open my own animal sanctuary, but I have never had the money to realise my dreams - but surely there is no way this security company is just going to hand over the money to me just because I've got the same surname as your dead client?

Please tell me more, Mr Williams. While I remain somewhat sceptical, I have to admit that I am intrigued.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: MORE CLARIFICATION

Sent: Thu, 04 Aug 2005 16:05:53 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Thanks for your response to my mail to you last time. Meanwhile I am going to assure you that me being the attorney of the late client, it is me that will provide to you all the information regarding the claim, as far as you are an honest someone truthful one. This deal is not hard or harmful, but before we proceed I will like to inform you that you have to talk of the percentage ratio as the fact may be.

I will also provide to you the certificate of deposit whenever the company needed it from you, which is the main thing, to show that you are the right beneficiary of the next of kin.

So please I will be forwarding to you the CONTACT OF THE SECURITY COMPANY HERE, for you to contact them, and request for the claim of the fund.

Secondly I will like you to come down here in person for me and you to move straight TO THE COMPANY for the claim of the said amount.

Meanwhile I will also like to have your full contacts so that I can be calling you so that we can speak at length, and you also take my own line for you to call me, which is 00228 9323865. Call me for more details in case if.

So feel free and get back to me so that we can enter to the next step of it.

But it could have be more better for you to come down here in Lome, Togo, West Africa. Remember that I told you that the certificate of deposit is here in my desk as I am talking to you now, so indicate if you can come down here or if I have to give you the contacts of the security company for you to reach them through their address and telephone, and etc.

So get back to me now.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,

Barrister Steven Williams Esq

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: Is this legal and above board?

Sent: Fri, 05 Aug 2005 10:45:27

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email and for explaining things further to me. To be honest with you, I still find it hard to believe that a security company would hand over seventeen and a half million dollars to me just because I have the same surname as your deceased client - that's hardly what I would call "secure" - but then again I'm only a vet and I'm sure you know more about this kind of thing than I do. After all, I didn't even know where Togo was until I looked it up on the map yesterday, so it's not surprising that I don't know all that much about the legal system in your country.

Are you sure that what you're suggesting is completely legal and above board? I wouldn't want to get involved with anything remotely dodgy; after all, I have my reputation to consider. Mind you, you're a barrister, so I suppose you wouldn't want to involve yourself in anything illegal either, would you?

If you can give me your word that what you are suggesting is not against the law, I think I'd like to accept your proposal and work with you on this. As I said the other day, I've always dreamed of setting up my own animal sanctuary, and this proposal of yours would provide me with more than enough money to do just that.

You mentioned percentages. As long as you can assure me that your proposal is legal and above board, I would suggest a straight 50-50 split. What do you say?

I must go now: I have to visit a local farmer who wants me to castrate five bulls for him. Being a vet is not the easiest job in the world sometimes, but the job does have its occasional perks: my wife Elizabeth should be able to cook us up a tasty stew tonight.

I will check my emails when I get back. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: ALL IS WELL

Sent: Fri, 05 Aug 2005 17:18:45 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Thanks once more for your understanding to my mail to you. Well God knows what one I thinking, and I believed that GOD can provide help to anyone at any time.

So for your dream, I Barrister Williams, is assuring you that all is well. I am a family man like you and this is our life opportunity. That is why I cannot play with this transaction. Your dream is must come true in Jesus' name.

But for percentages, I feel that I will take 50%, YOU will take 40% AND then 10% will be for any expenses involved in case. Because I will be keeping records of any expenses involved to avoid misunderstanding at last. Because as I told you, I am just a simple man God fearing someone, so that is how GOD made me. You too will be keeping correct record too.

Because I am a real MAN of GOD I want everything to go straight as it is supposed to be so that we will conclude the transaction in time.

For the transaction, I as a barrister cannot one day involved my very self in anything that is not highly legal. This transaction has nothing to do with risk and harmful. My word to you is that my suggestion to you is real highly legal because I am a family man and I am a MAN of GOD so I cannot do things stupid.

So please go through the map again and confirm to me of your coming here to show you that what we are saying is not playing, is GOD gift.

Please do not waste a lot of time in doing anything about this transaction because time is not our brother.

TOGO IS THE CAPITAL OF LOME IN WEST AFRICA.

So please confirm to me your arriving time so that I can let you know again what I have to do here before your arrival, something like certificate of deposit have to be ready and I have to be ready to move with you as soon as we finish with the security company here so that we can go and split the fund according to.

I feel to join you investing my own share to do the animal sanctuary company, because I will invite my family there and establish there. That is what me and my wife discussed last night.

Please, I will like to hear your voice and then we talk at length, it will give me joy. Here is my number again: 00228 9323865 direct.

I am assuring you now, to feel free. GOD IS WITH US. Our dreams must come true in Jesus' name.

There is no harmful or risky or problem at all, so feel free. Let's get the fund and do our investment, because I will like to drink wine with you and we cheer together. So my brother, no harmful involved.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

I am expecting your call and your mail,

Barrister Steven Williams Esq

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I will consider your proposal over the weekend

Sent: Fri, 05 Aug 2005 17:27:09

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email and for confirming that your proposal is completely legal and above board. I should have known that with you being a barrister there wouldn't be anything unlawful about this affair. If I have offended you by enquiring about the legality of this business, then I apologise, but I trust that you can see why I wanted to satisfy myself on that point.

At first glance, your suggestion that we should set aside 10% of the proceeds of this transaction for expenses seems reasonable. However, when you work it out, 10% of $17,500,000 is $1,750,000. That's nearly two million dollars! Surely whatever expenses we have to pay during the course of this business, they're not going to come close to that amount. I suggest that we set aside a more reasonable sum - let us say $5,000 - for expenses, and divide the rest of the sum equally between us. What do you think?

Tempting though your proposal is, I never commit myself to anything without thinking it through thoroughly beforehand, so that's what I'll do this weekend. While I mull over your proposal, why don't you have a think about my suggestion regarding expenses? I'll get back to you on Monday morning and let you know for definite whether or not I want to move forward with this transaction, and you can let me know whether you agree to my proposal on expenses and percentages.

I am sorry to report that things didn't go exactly according to plan with the five bulls I was supposed to be castrating today. When I got to the farm, the farmer pointed out which bulls he wanted me to castrate and then left me to it while he went about his business. I thought I'd understood exactly what he wanted me to do, but unfortunately I must have got a little bit confused. When the farmer returned and I showed him what I'd done, he wasn't very happy at all: it turned out that I'd castrated his prizewinning Hereford bull by mistake.

Actually, to say that he wasn't very happy is a bit of an understatement. He was absolutely bloody livid. I've never seen someone go quite so red in the face. I tried to explain but it was no use; he just kept shouting at me and calling me names, and his language was appalling. The more I tried to explain, the angrier he got, and he actually ended up chasing me off the farm with a shotgun. As I hurriedly drove my Land Rover out of the farmyard I heard him shout that he was going to sue me. I do hope he doesn't.

But, looking on the bright side, I did get away with a nice bag full of bulls' bollocks which will make a lovely tasty stew tonight. I don't think I'll tell Elizabeth about what happened today: I don't want her to worry.

Well, have a good weekend Mr Williams. I will think long and hard about your proposal over the weekend and get back to you on Monday with a definite answer.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I am somewhat confused by what you said about my proposed animal sanctuary. While I am of course delighted that you wish to invest your money into the scheme, I really don't think it would be a suitable place for you and your wife to come and live; I was planning to keep ill-treated animals such as donkeys, cows and horses there, not West African barristers and their wives.

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: ALL IS WELL

Sent: Sat, 06 Aug 2005 00:00:17 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Well I am happy to receive your mail too, but PLEASE my partner, we thank GOD of how the man did not shoot you as you said, mind how you work with people now.

I will be waiting for your nice response on Monday morning, but remember that it is only me and my wife who knows about this our deal, so don't make it known to some people to avoid eyebrow of people, please.

For my investment in your country, you can also tell me what is good that is going on that I can establish there, because you are like my own brother there, as I am here for you, so please think of what I can open there.

Again for percentages or expenses, I will not tell now, until we start, but your plan is also good. Let's start off and see.

Please, you can give me a call over the weekend. Stay fine and remain bless in Jesus' name.

Till I hear your call and I get your mail.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,

Barrister Steven W

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I am happy to move forward with your proposal

Sent: Mon, 08 Aug 2005 10:35:55

Dear Mr Williams,

How are you today? I trust you had a pleasant weekend. Once I had got over the shock of Friday's unfortunate events, I had a good weekend myself.

I considered your proposal over the weekend, and after much deliberation I am happy to be able to tell you that I would like to move forward with it. Working as a vet can be fraught with difficulties and I feel that I would be a fool to turn down what might be the one and only chance I ever have of fulfilling my dream of opening my own animal sanctuary.

So, my dear fellow, what is our next step? Please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.

I must go now. I have a busy morning in the surgery.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Regarding your plans to invest in this country, I will keep my eyes open for any promising looking opportunities and let you know if anything comes up.

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: MAY GOD TAKE CONTROL

Sent: Mon, 08 Aug 2005 12:05:25 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Thanks for your nice response to my mail to you. In fact my brother, the weekend was so good. Me and my wife RITA was very happy over the weekend.

Well concerning your request on what next to do, is for you to confirm to me of when you are coming DOWN HERE in Lome, Togo, West Africa, for me and you to go straight to the security company for the claim or release of the fund.

OR if you are not able to come down here I can forward to you the contact of the company so that you can contact them from there and request them on how much can it cost you for them to deliver the consignment fund to your country through their diplomatic means.

So please forward to me your full contact address and telephone and fax, for I am going to arrange the certificate of deposit which I will forward to you tomorrow.

I need it urgently.

Again you have to choose whether to come down here or not, because the company may like to see you in person and again the cost of delivery to your country can be somehow high cost through their diplomatic courier means, so decide on what to do.

But my advice is, if you can come down here, it could be more better, so that as soon as you are coming down from the airport I will come and welcome you with my car. Please let me know what you decide.

Forward to me your full contacts urgent.

Great your family to me, and I am waiting for your urgent response.

Barrister Steven W

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: My contact details

Sent: Mon, 08 Aug 2005 14:59:11

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I am delighted to hear that you had a good weekend with your wife. I look forward to meeting you both in the near future. No doubt when we meet we will be cracking open a bottle of champagne or two to celebrate the successful conclusion of this business!

You asked for my address. I live at Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK. My telephone number is 01927 58367.

Unfortunately, you might experience some difficulty getting hold of me over the phone: the telephone company is in the middle of replacing all of the wooden telegraph poles in the area. Unfortunately this has meant that our telephone service has been next to useless for the past week. That's why I haven't called you so far. The village I live in is rather remote, and the telephone company obviously don't see completing the work as a priority. They haven't even told us when the work will be finished. It's all very inconvenient, but what can we do? I'll bet they wouldn't treat us this shabbily if we lived in London.

Sorry, you don't want to hear me ranting about the telephone company, my dear fellow. Fortunately, my internet connection is via satellite, so that's unaffected by the absence of a telephone service. I suggest that until my line is fixed, we continue communicating via email. It doesn't seem to have caused any problems so far.

I have been thinking about whether or not to come down to Lome in person. On the face of it, it would be easier for me if I didn't have to fly all the way down to Togo. However, I did think that given the distance involved, it would be easier for to me to sort out any problems that we might come across if I was there in person. Besides, I have never been to Africa before, and a short trip abroad would be very pleasant. Tell me, my dear chap, do you know which airlines fly to Togo from the UK?

Let me know and I will look into the price of tickets. When do you think would be the best time for me to travel? Given the nature of my work I can take a few days off whenever I need to without too much trouble.

Best regards to you and your family,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your contact details, comply immediately for what I told you now

Sent: Tue, 09 Aug 2005 12:01:10 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

How are you today?

In fact I was very happy when I received your last mail to me yesterday. I am very very busy since that yesterday trying to see that the ATTORNEY GENERAL OF SUPREME COURT LOME TOGO WEST AFRICA signed and stamp the certificate of deposit which I want to send to you and keep the hard copy here so that when once you come here we go straight to the company with it.

But it was not easy. Me and my wife left his office 7pm in the night because the Attorney General was attending so many visitors with different cases.

But he told us that we have to bring $3,000.00, of which I and my wife have only $1,700 for him to do it urgently because he is the boss and overall, so as soon as he gets it now he will sign and stamp our certificate, because as I told you that this business must be legal and above board to avoid any mistake.

So please my brother, you need to send $1,300 quick quick, with the name of my messenger, which is MR DAVID MARIZU, LOME, TOGO, WEST AFRICA, via MoneyGram service. Forget not to put the control number of your payment or reference number.

Please after this now, I can make out a chance to see which airline you can use to get here.

Please do that now, for I will be going to the court by evening to have an appointment with him, because he said that he will be attending their board or meetings anytime now, which he does not know exactly when he will be back.

DO THAT QUICK.

About the investment that we are talking about, my wife tells me that if you can help us in buying a house where she can open a hospital, that it could be more better since she is a nurse by profession. What do you suggest?

Again, me and my wife was very happy to hear that you prefer coming down, it is very nice and neat so that we see face to face and move to the company to sort things out once for all.

In fact I am very happy too to receive your full contacts, but I tried your line but it couldn't go through. Maybe that is the problem you was explaining to me.

So as soon as the ATTORNEY GENERAL GET SIGNED AND STAMPED THIS CERTIFICATE NOW, you got to tell me your arriving date, which should not be too far. because I want us to get this done any time now.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR WIFE,

Barr Steven Williams

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I have an idea

Sent: Tue, 09 Aug 2005 15:15:08

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry it has taken me so long to respond, but I have been out of the surgery treating an outbreak of warble that has affected the sheep on a local farm. It took me all morning and half of the afternoon just to round up the sheep, and then I had to treat them one by one. I am exhausted. Mind you, it sounds as if you have been a very busy man too.

I have to admit, I don't quite understand why the Attorney General requires $3,000 simply to sign and stamp a legal form. That sounds like an awful lot of money to pay the man for a job that probably won't take him more than a couple of minutes to do. If you ask me, that man is on the make.

Don't worry though, because I have an idea. Rather than go through all the fuss, bother and expense of dealing with the Attorney General, would it be enough for us to get another lawyer to sign and stamp the form? I could get in touch with Mr Welsby, a lawyer I have used on and off for the past ten years or so. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to sign and date a simple form for us, and I can bet you anything that he wouldn't charge us anything like as much as $3,000.

In fact, Mr Williams, do you think it would be worth me getting Welsby involved in this business anyway? If any legal issues crop up at this end, it might be useful to have him to hand to deal with them as soon as they arise. Welsby's a fine lawyer, and very well-respected in Lincolnshire legal circles. He also charges extremely reasonable fees.

Welsby's got the sharpest legal brain I've ever come across. He proved invaluable the other year after an unfortunate incident involving an extremely rare, expensive, heavy and excitable pedigree dog that I was holding and a misunderstanding over the precise meaning of the phrase "please put him down immediately".

Welsby worked wonders in the ensuing court case. Not only did he manage to get all charges against me dropped, he also persuaded the judge to award me costs against the bereaved dog owner.

I can't recommend Welsby highly enough. Let me know if you'd like me to contact him, my dear fellow. I am sure he would be able to help us out in this business.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: PLEASE FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTION. DON'T CONTACT ANY OTHER LAWYER PLEASE TO AVOID MISTAKES

Sent: Tue, 09 Aug 2005 17:03:53 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I got your mail in good term, but please don't contact any other lawyer, because I don't want any third party. And beside, here is Lome, Togo. It is supposed to be signed here and other thing here.

Well I have been in his office again this afternoon, but no road due to a lot of people, before I insisted and all was OK. My wife cried for him and he accepted in helping us in doing it. Listen, I know why I am proud that he is the one to do it, because the company here do hear his name and he is overall here, that is the main reason, and he assured that we must collect it tomorrow when once he heard from us.

Listen fellow to my advice now, because I know what we are about to earn. That is the main reason I want us to go through the main source to achieve what is supposed and needed to do.

After this now is to send you the certificate through attachment, and hold the main hard copy here so that we move with it as soon as you are here.

Please follow my instruction and advice. Let's get this done. It is good that the General is going to help us, is very very good, because I don't think that there is any other thing. So I am waiting for the money and I will be moving now to ask for the airline to Togo from London.

Just do as I told you. Forget contacting the laywer. If he was from Togo it could have been better, but forget it. Let's treat it with this General once and for all. He is good with us because of me and my wife. He is very expensive to people because he is the last talk.

Please comply immediately so that I can forward it to you. There is no need of wasting time.

What do you think about the investment of opening a hospital? That was my wife's suggestion. What do you think?

Please do that and get back to me quick, with the name I give you.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR WIFE.

Steven W

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I will have to withdraw the money out of my savings account

Sent: Tue, 09 Aug 2005 16:35:11

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. Perhaps you are right: perhaps we should do what you suggest and work with the Attorney General. After all, you know much more about the legal system in Togo than I do. I only suggested getting Welsby involved as I thought it might save us some money. Mind you, given the huge amount we stand to make out of this deal, that is probably the last thing I should be worrying about!

There is only one problem. I do have $1,300, but I don't have it to hand; all my savings are tied up in a savings account and it will take a couple of working days to withdraw the money from this account. I do hope this delay won't be a problem. If I have time, I will pop into the bank some time tomorrow and arrange to transfer the money out of my savings account and into my current account. When the money is transferred, I will be able to send it over to your assistant. Will this be OK?

You mentioned that your wife was considering opening up a hospital. I have to admit that I probably know as little about human medicine as your wife probably knows about mad cow disease - my expertise is more on the animal side of things - but on the face of it, that sounds like a fine plan to me. Tell me, was she thinking of specialising in any particular areas of medicine?

I must go now: I am exhausted after inseminating all those sheep today. Let me know about the money and I'll sort things out with the bank tomorrow if that's alright with you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Have you found out which airlines fly from London to Togo yet? Do find out for me and let me know, won't you, so that I can look into flights.

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Do that quick

Sent: Tue, 09 Aug 2005 20:51:43 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Thanks a lot for your understanding. MAY GOD TAKE CONTROL. Well I am happy that you understand all the facts. I will be expecting the money anytime now, so that me and my wife will go straight and arrange with the ATTORNEY GENERAL.

So that we can step to the next step, is that I will be going to find out the airline to Togo from London to Togo. I will do that tomorrow morning and get back to you.

Please I am waiting for the money so that we can conclude with the GENERAL.

Have a nice sleep and remain bless.

Remember to send the control number when once you transfer the money through MoneyGram transfer service through my messenger's name, MR DAVID MARIZU, LOME, TOGO, WEST AFRICA, as you know.

Thanks once again.

MAY ALMIGHTY GOD TAKE CONTROL AND BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

STEVEN W

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I will go to the bank today

Sent: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 09:24:42

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to hear that the slight delay in getting the money to you will not be a problem. I will pop into the bank when I am passing later today and arrange to transfer the money from my savings account into my current account.

A worrying thought occurred to me this morning regarding my planned trip to Togo. There aren't any wildebeest in Lome, are there? Only I did a bit of work for a local safari park the other year, trimming the wildebeest's tails, and I found out that I was extremely allergic to them: I came out in spots all over, which took weeks to go down. I know that wildebeest come from Africa, and I am worried that if there are any wildebeest in Lome, I won't be able to come.

Please let me know, Mr Williams. I do hope that the wildebeest situation won't scupper our plans.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: OK I will be waiting for the money. Please be fast

Sent: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 11:10:04 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Please there is nothing bad in Lome, and as far as I am here you are covered, you cannot be harmed by anything. Lome, Togo is a cool and nice country, very quiet and cool, so relax. There is no problem.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,

Steven W

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I will go to the bank today

Sent: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 11:15:31 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

NOTHING LIKE THAT MY BROTHER, feel free. I understand what you are saying about, but there isn't.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,

Steven W

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: Are you absolutely sure about those wildebeest?

Sent: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 13:26:58

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your emails. Are you absolutely sure about those wildebeest? Are you one hundred percent certain that there are absolutely no wildebeest whatsoever anywhere in Lome?

I ask because we have a problem in this country with urban foxes, where foxes have migrated out of the countryside and made their homes in towns and cities. I understand that the wildebeest is a wild animal, more suited to roaming the open savannah than to skulking in the back alleyways of Lome and rooting around in dustbins for scraps of food, but can you give me your categorical assurance that no wildebeest have made their way across the city limits in a desperate search for food and have made their home in the city streets?

I am sorry to labour this point, but the spots I came out in last time I encountered these animals were maddeningly itchy, and I don't want to have to go through that again. The last thing I want is to walk round a corner and find myself face to face with a pack of urban wildebeest. I trust that you can appreciate the reason for my concern.

Incidentally, I nipped into the bank this morning and arranged to transfer the money out of my savings account and into my current account. Apparently the transfer should have gone through by Friday, so I should be able to transfer the money to your associate then. I trust this will be satisfactory.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Be rest assured of no wild beast in my country!!!!!!!

Sent: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 16:17:19 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Thanks too for your mail to me. I am highly absolutely sure that there is nothing like that here. You can only see those wildebeest in Kenya or Libya and far away from this country, Lome, Togo, West Africa.

Lome is a nice cool area, so feel free. Mind you that I cannot allow you to suffer here or feel bad here because I very self will be in your country soon and I know that you will take good care of me and my wife, so you are welcome here. No problem of anything.

Please make sure you make the payment on Friday because I am sure this Attorney General will be moving on their board meeting any time coming week, so please do quick and serve time.

Make sure you send the money through my messenger's name which I have dropped to you, through MONEYGRAM TRANSFER SERVICE.

For the airline that you will follow to land in Lome, Togo, I will get back to you regards to that as soon as I hear from you because I am a little bit busy in my office, so I will do that later tomorrow.

Waiting for the money any time Friday.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR WIFE,

Steven W

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: That is good news about the wildebeest

Sent: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 09:45:03

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. That is good news about the wildebeest. I am extremely relieved to hear that the chances of me bumping into one on the streets of Lome are extremely remote.

However, even if there are no wildebeest in Lome itself, it did strike me that Lome airport may be some distance away from the city, and there is always the possibility that a herd of wildebeest may be roaming the countryside in between the city and the airport, perhaps on the lookout for a plain across which they can sweep majestically. If we were to have a puncture on the way from the airport to Lome, it is surely not beyond the realms of possibility that a herd of wildebeest might come upon us when we were changing the wheel. Just to be on the safe side, I think I will bring my tranquiliser gun with me to Lome, for use in such situations. Although it would be precious little use against a whole herd of wildebeest, it would provide us with some protection if we were to encounter a solitary animal by the side of the road.

One more thing, Mr Williams. You have mentioned a couple of times now that Lome is very cool. Exactly how cool are you talking about? I have a rather weak constitution, you see, and I simply cannot put up with extremes of cold. Do you think I ought to bring any special cold weather clothing with me when I visit your country? Thermal gloves, woolly hats, thick sweaters and scarves, for example? Please advise.

Incidentally, I heard some news in the local pub last night that could be very good for us. You said that your wife was keen to open a hospital over here. Well, obviously she would need a suitable building, and by the sound of things, an ideal building may be becoming available in the very near future.

I was talking to the Director of the local orphanage, Saint Bunty's, and he was telling me how the orphanage was running out of money fast. It's been in financial difficulties for some time now, ever since the death of their benefactor a few years ago, and since then the Director has been desperately trying to secure a new source of funding to enable him to keep the place running. By the sound of it, he's had no success. He did say that he'd been contacted by a couple of people recently who had offered to donate large sums of money to the orphanage - people from your neck of the woods, apparently - but that these offers had unfortunately come to nothing, and had in fact left the orphanage worse off in terms of money rather than better.

Apparently the orphanage is now very close to financial collapse: the Director was telling me that there was only just enough money left in the kitty to feed the poor little orphans for another couple of weeks at the most, and that when the money runs out he is going to have to throw the orphans out onto the street and close the doors of Saint Bunty's for good.

Obviously this is terrible news for all the poor little orphan boys and girls. But it could be marvellous news for us. When Saint Bunty's is closed, the building will probably be auctioned off, and I reckon you'd be able to pick it up for a song. It would make an ideal hospital too: it already has kitchens, its dormitories could be turned into wards... it even has beds! On top of that, given that there will be over a hundred poor little orphans scratching a living on the streets when Saint Bunty's closes, there will be no shortage of patients: some of them are bound to get sick. Every cloud has a silver lining, as they say.

I will keep my eye on the situation at Saint Bunty's and let you know if there are any developments. Do let your wife know: no doubt she will be delighted at the news.

I have a busy day ahead of me: there has been an outbreak of mange at one of the local farms. But I am planning to go to the bank first thing tomorrow morning to withdraw the money so that I can transfer it to your associate.

Let me know about just how cold it is in Lome... and don't forget to let me know about those airlines, will you?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I AM WAITING

Sent: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 11:44:58 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Thanks for your mail to me. Well I will let my wife know of your nice suggestion. It sounds OK, and if we can get it, it will be very very OK, so that we can help the orphanage there.

For LOME itself, I mean that it is very quiet and the weather is OK.

Please I will inform you tomorrow evening of which airline is available for your arrival. Please try tomorrow to send the money to my messenger so that we can conclude that page, and I will forward to you the certificate as soon as THE GENERAL GET SIGNED AND STAMP THE CERTIFICATE.

I am waiting.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,

Steven W

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I have transferred the money to Mr Marizu

Sent: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 09:29:15

Dear Mr Williams,

I have just returned from town, where I visited the bank and withdrew the $1,300 that I had transferred out of my savings account into my current account. I went straight to the local post office and transferred the money to Mr Marizu via MoneyGram.

I have never used MoneyGram before, so I asked the postmistress what details Mr Marizu would need to collect the money at your end. Here are the details she said he would need:

Sender's name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Recipient's name: David Marizu

Amount: $1,300

MoneyGram reference number: 74628294

Test question: Gilbert is allergic to?

Answer: Wildebeest

According to the postmistress, the money will be available for Mr Marizu to collect immediately. Presuming that Mr Marizu collects the money this morning, how long do you think it will be before you can get the Attorney General to sign and stamp the certificate? Do you think you will be able to get that done today, my friend?

Please let me know as soon as Mr Marizu has collected the money. I am working in the surgery today and I will check my email whenever I get a chance, in between the procession of household pets I will no doubt have to treat. I will be waiting to hear from you.

Best regards, and - as you appear to say in Togo - remain bless,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Get the real reference numbers please, Mr Gilbert

Sent: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 13:30:52 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Thanks for your efforts, but please I want you to send me the correct reference numbers, why, because I went to the MoneyGram office just now with my messenger to collect the money with all your information, but we couldn't get it. They are telling us that the numbers are invalid, that there is no transfer made.

And I have just called the ATTORNEY GENERAL on the phone on my way to the MoneyGram office, to wait for me, so that he can do that today, and he promised that he must do it, but now it is like a let down.

Please please confirm from the MoneyGram the main correct reference numbers so that we can collect it easily and get to the ATTORNEY GENERAL.

And again, the MoneyGram office told me that you have to send it with your phone number.

So go now and verify what is actually wrong. I will be going back to my office now.

And I have being trying your number but cannot get you, please try to call me on my number, 00228 9323865, as soon as possible.

I hope to get the correct information of your payment.

Waiting urgently.

This number is invalid. MoneyGram reference number 74628294 means there is no transfer, so get the main information please. Do that quick.

Steven Williams

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I am terribly sorry, I made a mistake

Sent: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 14:32:38

Dear Mr Williams,

I am terribly sorry, my dear fellow. I appear to have made a mistake when I transcribed the MoneyGram reference number into the email I sent to you this morning. Looking closely at the MoneyGram transfer receipt, I got one of the numbers wrong: the postmistress' ones look rather like twos.

The correct reference number is 74628194, not 74628294 as I mistakenly told you earlier today.

I apologise for any inconvenience my mistake has caused you and Mr Marizu. I have to admit that I did type out my email in rather a hurry so that I could open up the surgery in time, but that is no excuse.

I have attached a copy of the MoneyGram receipt to this email. You will probably be able to see for yourself how I got the numbers confused: our local postmistress has terrible handwriting.

Now that you have the correct reference number, I trust that you and Mr Marizu will be able to collect the money this afternoon. If you hurry along to the MoneyGram office as soon as you receive this email, do you think there will still be enough time for you to get the Attorney General to sign and stamp the certificate? I do hope so. Please get back to me as soon as possible and let me know how you get on.

I do hope that we can get this sorted out today: I am going away for the weekend with Elizabeth, so if we don't get this sorted out today we will have to wait until I return on Monday.

Get back to me as soon as you can, there's a good chap.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: Get back to me with a status update by Monday

Sent: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 17:24:06

Dear Mr Williams,

I am disappointed not to have heard back from you yet with a status update. I can only hope and presume that you and Mr Marizu have collected the money and have been too busy at the Attorney General's office to contact me.

As I mentioned in my last email, I am going away this weekend for a short break with my wife. We are about to leave and we won't be returning until late on Sunday evening.

Hopefully you will be able to send me a copy of that certificate sometime over the weekend, once it's been signed and stamped by the Attorney General. Please get back to me with a status update, and I will be back in touch with you on Monday to see how things are progressing.

Wishing you and your wife a pleasant weekend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Could not collect anything, so check yourself!!!!!!!!!

Sent: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 18:46:30 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I am very very upset with this situation. I don't really understand what is going on. I nearly got an accident, as I am running up and down for nothing. There is no money found, I even print out the payment slip you sent to me, still the MoneyGram office did not see anything, so please what is wrong!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not happy of what is going on. If really you sent the money, kindly go to the office on Monday where you sent the money from to crosscheck what is really wrong. All the numbers you sent to me are not found in the system here, so I am upset.

What is really wrong, and the Attorney General call me and tell me that he is leaving on Tuesday morning, so if you are really quite sure that you sent the money please please be very careful and send the good numbers, for I am tired of running up and down for nothing sake.

So that is the status now, have not collect anything, so what is wrong...

This is your number that you give me: 74628149, but was not found, at all. Go to verify really from the postmistress and know if the numbers are correct.

I am waiting seriously.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,

Steven W

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I am worried

Sent: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 19:28:14 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I am not happy at all, it is like an insult for I have drived to the local bank here two good times here without any good news.

It is a look down.

Please if you are sure that you sent the money then try to verify what is wrong there, because I cannot know the reason why I cannot collect here with my wife and my messenger this second time. It looks embarrassment.

So find out and see what is really wrong, but my friend why this your number is not going, and there is no code of UK in it, what is actually wrong, you cannot call me and I cannot call you, why?

Please confirm to me what is wrong.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: Don't worry, I will sort things out

Sent: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 09:05:14

Dear Mr Williams,

I have just read the emails you sent to me on Friday. I am extremely distressed to hear about the problems you have had trying to collect the money that I transferred to your colleague. It must have been terribly inconvenient and embarrassing for you both. And you say that you nearly had an accident, what with all the running around you were doing? How terrible.

I can't think what the problem could be, but please don't worry, my friend. I will head straight to the post office and get this sorted out.

I will get back to you as soon as I return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: Problem solved

Sent: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 10:10:09

Dear Mr Williams,

I write with good news. I have just come back from the post office and I am pleased to be able to tell you that everything is now sorted out and that Mr Marizu will now definitely be able to collect the money I transferred to him.

I explained to the postmistress that the reference number of my transfer did not show up on the computer at Mr Marizu's MoneyGram agent. The postmistress explained to me that MoneyGram are currently in the middle of upgrading their computer hardware. This has apparently resulted in what she called "internet connectivity" problems, and apparently mine is not the only transfer to have gone missing over the past ten days or so. What this means is that the transfer is definitely in the system - the postmistress showed it to me on her own computer - but it is not showing up on your local MoneyGram agent's computer system because of these "internet connectivity" problems.

However, it turns out that this is not a problem, because there is a simple solution. The postmistress told me exactly what your local agent needs to do in order to access details of the transfer and gain access to the money. Apparently your agent simply needs to initiate procedure MG-RV8 on their computer system, entering the reference number of the transfer that I gave to you. This procedure, which apparently gives the agent access to all transfers that have got "stuck" in the system, will make the transfer available to the agent, meaning that Mr Marizu will be able to collect the money.

The postmistress was rather surprised that your local agent had not done this already: apparently it is standard procedure for MoneyGram agents when things like this happen. She even showed me the procedure in her MoneyGram Procedures Handbook. She said to me that if your local agent hasn't heard of procedure MG-RV8, they probably don't know their job very well. She suggested that your local agent could benefit from some more on the job training. Perhaps you ought to mention this when you go to collect the money with Mr Marizu.

Anyway, I am sure you will agree that this is extremely good news: it means that Mr Marizu will be able to collect the money I transferred to him immediately, simply by instructing your local MoneyGram agent to initiate procedure MG-RV8.

Apologies once again for the inconvenience. Please get back to me as soon as Mr Marizu has collected the money from the MoneyGram agent. Hopefully we will be able to get that certificate signed and stamped by the Attorney General later today.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Do take care on your way to the MoneyGram agent: we don't want you nearly having another accident now, do we?

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Please make things easy for me. I hope to get it tomorrow without any let down again!!!!!!!!!!!

Sent: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 12:40:01 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

How was your weekend with your wife?

Well there is no problem, I will be going with my wife and Marizu tomorrow morning hence today is public holidays here, offices did not open, so I will be there tomorrow before opening my office.

But listen my brother, I hope this will work out tomorrow, to enable us to finalise everything once for all.

Give me now the reference number again, in short explain fine to me how I will do if I reach there tomorrow morning with my wife and Mr David Marizu, so that we will not have any let down again.

Please, since I was born I never like getting let down. That is why I always do things maturely to avoid insult.

So please be very very careful with the postmistress there so to get things easy.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,

Steven W

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: GET THINGS EASY FOR ME

Sent: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 12:59:14 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Although my brother today is public holiday here, the most important thing is the real reference number, which you have to send back to me correctly, for that MG-RV8, I don't know what it is.

But what is basically needed is the correct 8 digits of the reference number. So please tell the postmistress to put it in that way so that we can collect it easily. I don't like someone getting me stressed.

What is needed is the real reference number, which you now tell her to put it in that way.

Thanks,

Steven W

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I told you what you need to do in my last email

Sent: Mon, 15 Aug 2005 12:10:33

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I had a very pleasant weekend with my wife - thank you for asking. It sounds as if I have had a better time of it than you have had over there. You do sound stressed, my dear fellow. Do try to take it easy.

I am sorry to hear that today's public holiday means that Mr Marizu will not be able to collect the money until tomorrow. But never mind; at least we now know that he will have no problem collecting it tomorrow as long as he follows the instructions that the postmistress gave to me, which I detailed in my last email.

To recap, he needs to:

Go back to the MoneyGram agent.
Ask the agent to initiate procedure MG-RV8 on the computer system, entering the reference number of the transfer (74628194) when prompted to do so.

This will enable your local agent to bypass the network problems that MoneyGram are apparently experiencing at the moment and access details of the transfer.

You asked for the correct reference number. You already have the correct reference number - you can see it on the copy of the MoneyGram receipt. The problem is not that you have the wrong reference number, it is that the transfer has got stuck in the system. According to the postmistress, procedure MG-RV8 will sort this out. You might not be aware of it, but this procedure should apparently be second nature to your local MoneyGram agent.

It may be worth suggesting to the agent that they should read their MoneyGram Procedures Handbook a little more closely: if the agent at your end had initiated procedure MG-RV8 on Friday as they should have done, Mr Marizu would have been able to collect the money there and then, and we wouldn't have had to put up with these delays.

Now then, my dear chap, you still haven't let me know which airlines fly into Lome from London. Why not spend your bank holiday in a productive manner and look this up for me today? We have plans to make, and I can't start making them until I know who I will be able to fly with. I want to make sure that I fly with an airline that has no involvement in the transportation of wild animals: if my luggage goes into the hold of a plane that has previously transported wildebeest across the world, I could break out into spots as soon as I pick up my luggage from the Arrivals Hall in Lome airport, and I wouldn't want that.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: Get back to me as soon as Mr Marizu has collected the money

Sent: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 09:22:42

Dear Mr Williams,

Good morning, my friend. Do get back to me as soon as Mr Marizu has collected the money from the MoneyGram office, won't you? I can't wait to get my animal sanctuary up and running, so I am keen for us to start making some real progress with this transaction.

Don't let the incompetence of your local MoneyGram staff cause us any more delays, will you? I am sure you, your wife and Mr Marizu will manage to get things sorted out without any hassle, but don't stand for any nonsense, will you? Be firm, my friend.

Incidentally, it struck me last night that although you refer to Mr Marizu as your "messenger", you and your wife appear to accompany him wherever he goes. What is the point of having a messenger if you have to go everywhere with him and hold his hand? It's a bit like having a dog and barking yourself. Well, a little bit like that anyway.

I am waiting to hear from you. Get back to me as soon as you can.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Go through Western Union now

Sent: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 11:57:34 +0200 (CEST)

Gilbert Murray,

I am writing this letter to you now with all my heart. Listen, I and my wife and my messenger are not happy with what is happening, so we are hereby advising you that if you are sure you sent money to truly please go now and call the money back and resend it through WESTERN UNION TRANSFER, through MR DAVID MARIZU.

BECAUSE, please note this, I cannot ever try to go to the MoneyGram again, no way. With what happened to me and my wife and my messenger this morning, if not for my position as a lawyer, it could have been a different thing.

So in fact I am not happy of writing too much. If you are saying the truth that you really made payment, go back there and recall the money back hence it is still there, and make the payment through Western Union instead.

Because I have a meeting with my family this afternoon to decide on what to do.

Because it is unfair.

This has delayed this transaction too much, so I am not happy.

All is that we couldn't get the money. They said that there is no money sent, after doing all you and your postmistress said, nothing good news.

So that is it for now.

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Go through Western Union now

Sent: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 12:15:07 +0200 (CEST)

Gilbert Murray,

Please, if you sent money true true, call the money back and send it through Western Union, because I cannot go to the MoneyGram again. I received a very fucking insult there this morning and my wife was not happy.

So if you sent money, recall it back at once and resend it through Western Union transfer.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: What on earth is going on at your end?

Sent: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 11:41:44

Dear Mr Williams,

I have just read your emails, and I have to tell you that I am confused, my dear fellow. What on earth is going on at your end? Why have you and Mr Marizu not collected the money that I transferred to you yet? What on earth are the two of you playing at? How difficult can it possibly be to pick up money that has been sent via MoneyGram?

What happened at the MoneyGram office? Did you instruct the agent to initiate procedure MG-RV8? You can't have done, otherwise the money would be in your hands right now.

And what do you mean when you say that you "received a very fucking insult there this morning"? What kind of insult? What were the staff thinking of, insulting someone of your social standing? You are a barrister, for God's sake!

As well as being impertinent in the extreme, it sounds as if the staff at your local MoneyGram office don't know what the hell they are doing. Were the staff new? Didn't you think to ask to speak to the manager? I'm sure he would have been able to sort things out.

I have already had to go to the post office twice to sort out this MoneyGram payment, and now you are asking me to go there again to cancel the payment, then go somewhere else entirely to transfer the money to you via Western Union. I am a busy man, Mr Williams. There are many sick animals who need my help. I don't have time to waste running around all over the place like that just because you and your "messenger" aren't capable of collecting a simple money transfer.

I am sorry, my dear fellow, but I am angry and frustrated. I don't understand why you are making things so difficult when everything should be so simple.

The nearest Western Union agent is in town, some distance away, and I will not have time to go there until tomorrow at the earliest. Until then, have you considered trying a different MoneyGram agent? Maybe a different MoneyGram agent would have better-trained staff who would know what to do in situations like this.

If you can get to another MoneyGram agent, then please do so. It will make life simpler for all of us. If not, let me know and I will do my best to transfer the money to Mr Marizu via Western Union tomorrow. But I would rather not have to put myself to all that trouble if I could possibly help it.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: PLEASE TRY WESTERN UNION, OK? GET THE CONTROL NUMBERS CLEAR THIS TIME AROUND AND THE QUESTION AND ANSWER

Sent: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 14:52:16 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

In fact my dear fellow I am very happy for your understanding!!!!! I have tried another MoneyGram office this morning before contacting you again, so I was very very confused of all this. I even called the ATTORNEY GENERAL yesterday to inform him that we will be coming today, but no way again. I have to call him right away and inform him of tomorrow so that we can conclude his chapter and face our business.

So please please, go to Western Union and do the transfer with the same name and get the question and answer correct to avoid mistake again and to avoid wasting of time.

And I have been calling your number almost every day but no way, so please I am very very upset, because I need this transaction to be done in time without wasting of time again, because delay is very dangerous.

So be very careful and get the correct details of your payment's information, because I will not like to go to Western Union twice.

If you had seen how the small pin nut who calls herself a postmistress got insulting, my dear, it is too bad of her, that I am disturbing her peace. She started shouting on me in front of my wife and the crowd that had come to collect their own money, so just imagine such a time.

I wait till tomorrow.

Thanks.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR WIFE,

Steven W

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I will transfer the money via Western Union tomorrow morning

Sent: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 16:40:09

Dear Mr Williams,

It sounds as if you had an awful time at the MoneyGram office. The woman behind the counter started shouting at you and insulting you in front of a crowd of people, did she? That must have been terribly embarrassing for you.

I would be tempted to write a stiff letter of complaint to the manager of the MoneyGram office if I were you, Mr Williams. If I were a lawyer, I would even consider sueing them.

I have never used MoneyGram to send money overseas before, and given the fiasco we have gone through over the past two days, I doubt I will ever use it again. Hopefully Western Union will be less problematic. I have heard that they have quite a good reputation for speed and reliability.

I will go into town and transfer the money to Mr Marizu via Western Union tomorrow morning. I will get back to you as soon as I have done so.

Best wishes,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I have transferred the money via Western Union

Sent: Wed, 17 Aug 2005 10:02:11

Dear Mr Williams,

I have just returned from town, where I transferred the $1,300 to Mr Marizu via Western Union. Here are the details that Mr Marizu will need to collect the money:

Sender's name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Recipient's name: David Marizu

Amount: $1,300

MCTN: 8436224796

Test question: Gilbert is allergic to?

Answer: Wildebeest

I have attached a copy of the Western Union reciept to this email. Unfortunately it's very blurred, so I don't think it will be much use to you. I was treating a a guinea pig for a bad cough yesterday when the little blighter bit me on the finger. The pain and shock of the bite made me jump, and not only did I drop the guinea pig, but my digital camera fell out of my pocket too, and they both landed with a crash (well, a crash and a squeak actually) on the tiled floor of my surgery.

The fall must have knocked something loose in my camera, because it simply refuses to focus now. As for the guinea pig, let's just say that its cough is now the least of its problems. Its owner was none too happy either, let me tell you. However, they are fairly tough little creatures, and I'm sure that once its bones have knitted back together there's a fairly good chance that it will be able to walk again.

I trust that you and Mr Marizu will be able to collect the money from your nearest Western Union agent as soon as you have received this email. And please, Mr Williams, let's have no messing about today. These delays are getting extremely tiresome, so kindly focus on the task in hand. We don't want any more cock-ups, do we?

Please get back to me as soon as the money is in your possession. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have transferred the money via Western Union

Sent: Wed, 17 Aug 2005 13:43:11 +0200 (CEST)

Listen, you are just playing with yourself not me, but forget it, no problem.

YOU DID NOT SEND ANY MONEY PLEASE, FOR EVERYTHING, WESTERN UNION SAYS THAT YOU DID NOT SEND ANYTHING?

FORGET IT.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I don't understand

Sent: Wed, 17 Aug 2005 14:24:21

Dear Mr Williams,

I have just read your last email. I don't understand. What do you mean? You seem to be implying that I didn't send any money to you. What on earth are you on about?

Of course I sent the money to you: firstly via MoneyGram and then today via Western Union. How else are we going to get the certificate signed and stamped by the Attorney General?

Are you trying to tell me that after everything you went through at the MoneyGram office, you and Mr Marizu have failed to collect the money from your local Western Union office as well? How can this be?

I thought we were engaged in a serious, high value business transaction here, but you and Mr Marizu seem to be treating this business with all the seriousness of two kiddies playing in a sandpit with a bucket and spade. What the hell are the two of you playing at?

I simply cannot understand what is holding up this transaction. I have transferred the money you need via two internationally recognised money transfer systems, yet you have failed to pick up the money on both occasions.

Mr Williams, we need to sort things out and to get this business back on the rails. These delays at your end are becoming infuriating, and time is not on our side.

You appear to be incapable of picking up money that has been transferred to you via MoneyGram and Western Union. This being the case, there must be some other way I can get the money to you. Why don't I transfer it directly into your bank account? If I had done that last week you would have had the money by now, and you would also have saved yourself a lot of trouble and embarrassment.

I am confused, Mr Williams. I don't know what is going on, or why you seem to be complicating matters. I have invested a considerable amount of time in this enterprise, and I am not prepared to pull out now, just because you seem unable to get your act together when it comes to picking up money. We need to sort this out. Get back to me immediately.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Well, well, well

Sent: Wed, 17 Aug 2005 18:10:00 +0200 (CEST)

My dear fellow,

Perhaps you are implying that we may have collected the funds and have deliberately refused to say so. Well, I want to inform you that I feel surprised that MoneyGram and Western Union will have the same problem at the same time. Please take a closer look at the Western Union paper you attached and see if there is nothing wrong with it.

It also not fair that you cannot be reached by telephone. If you actually transferred any funds, it behoves you to prove it. Otherwise, I will take it that there is no deal. I and Mr Marizu have equally wasted time going to and from Western Union and MoneyGram.

Remain blessed,

Steven Williams

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: We need to work together, not blame each other

Sent: Thu, 18 Aug 2005 09:19:33

Dear Mr Williams,

I have just read the email you sent to me yesterday. In it, you seem to be implying that I did not send you any money. What on earth would be the point of that? What possible purpose would that serve? How on earth would that help to move this business forward?

You asked for proof that I sent you the money. I sent you the MoneyGram and Western Union receipts, for God's sake. What more proof do you need? Short of frog-marching the local postmistress and Western Union agent onto a plane and flying them over to Togo, I can't think what further proof I could possibly provide you with.

The original MoneyGram transfer appeared to fail thanks to a combination of technical problems, your local MoneyGram agent's lack of knowledge of internal procedures and your own incompetence. God only knows why you and Mr Marizu were unable to complete the Western Union transfer.

I do not appreciate you trying to shift the blame for these delays onto my shoulders, Mr Williams. I have done everything I possibly could to move this transaction forward as quickly as possible. From where I am standing, the stumbling block has appeared to be you and Mr Marizu. Kindly do not attempt to blame me for your own inadequacies and failings, my dear fellow.

But enough of this. If this transaction is to work out, we need to work together, not blame each other.

Seeing as we have had so many problems with these money transfer systems, I suggest we find another way of getting the money to you. I suggested yesterday that I should transfer the money directly into your bank account. Granted, the transfer will probably take a few days, but if we transfer the money directly from my bank account into yours, nothing can possibly go wrong. Or do you have a better idea?

What do you think, Mr Williams? I certainly can't think of a better plan. We have kept the Attorney General waiting for long enough. Send me your bank account details by return and I will transfer the money today.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. May I suggest that you keep Mr Marizu out of this business from now on? The way I see it, the man has been less of a help and more of a hindrance so far.

From: Steven Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Our efforts so far

Sent: Fri, 19 Aug 2005 10:29:26 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Mr Murray,

Good morning. I could not reply your mail of yesterday because I was out of town and came back late and straight home. I must confess that the affairs of the past few days are to say the least bizarre.

I cannot however begin to lay blames because you make me think otherwise. However, Mr Marizu has told me what transpired at both the Western Union and MoneyGram offices. How they did check with both the numbers you sent and the names involved, David Marizu and Gilbert Murray. The only conclusion left to make is that the fund was not remitted by the agents you used. If they actually did, then they have the solution to make it materialise.

If you could, ask them questions and let them tell you what happened. Western Union could not be so inefficient.

I suppose that your efforts so far, and again in this regard, will be enough signal of our overall commitment to this project.

I await your comments ASAP.

Best personal regards,

Steven

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I have had enough of these inefficient money transfer systems

Sent: Fri, 19 Aug 2005 10:11:55

Dear Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to see that the somewhat hysterical and accusatory tone that has characterised your emails over the past few days has been replaced by a more measured, reasonable approach.

I don't know what's gone wrong over the past few days. I've never sent money via MoneyGram or Western Union before; whenever I've had to transfer money from one place to another I've always done it through the banks. As I told you before, my local MoneyGram agent blamed the failure of that transfer on a combination of technical problems and your own agent's lack of knowledge of MoneyGram's own internal procedures. Heaven only knows what went wrong with the Western Union transfer. I'm a vet, not a financial specialist, so my knowledge of these things is limited, to say the least.

I am sorry that you and Mr Marizu have been inconvenienced over the past week. Truly, I am. But do bear in mind that you're not the only one who has had to traipse backwards and forwards to the MoneyGram and Western Union offices this week; I have wasted a lot of my time doing that too.

Mr Williams, we are trying to get our hands on a huge sum of money here: a life-changing sum of money. I am more committed to this endeavour than I have ever been committed to anything else in my life. I am simply not prepared to give up just because of the problems we have encountered in transferring money between ourselves.

I have had enough of these inefficient money transfer systems. Using them has done nothing but waste our time this week - yours and mine. There must be another way.

You are a barrister, Mr Williams. As such, you must have a bank account into which your clients pay your fees. Send me the details of your bank account and I will transfer the money into it immediately. Once this money transfer is out of the way, we should be able to make some real progress here.

I will not be available this weekend; Elizabeth and I are going to visit her aunt. Send me your bank details over the weekend and I will transfer the money into your account on Monday morning.

Best regards to you and your wife,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I am beginning to wonder whether you are serious

Sent: Mon, 22 Aug 2005 10:05:16

Dear Mr Williams,

I am disappointed to see that you have not sent me details of your bank account so that I can transfer the money you need into it.

To be perfectly honest, I am beginning to wonder whether you are serious about this business. You and the wooden-headed Mr Marizu have put on a breathtaking display of incompetence since the beginning of this whole affair. All you seem to have been doing is chasing around from one money transfer office to another, without at any stage managing to carry out the simple task of collecting the money that I had transferred to you.

I did not expect to see this kind of bungling behaviour from a trained barrister such as yourself. In fact, you seem to have spent so much time running around after your moronic messenger that you can't have had any time left to carry out any actual legal work. How do you make a living if you spend all of your time visiting Western Union and MoneyGram offices?

To be frank, Mr Williams, after this catalogue of cock-ups, I am not at all sure that I want to continue doing business with you. Dealing with you and Mr Marizu has been like dealing with Laurel and Hardy.

As luck would have it, I received what sounds like a very promising business proposal this morning from a very nice chap called Abacha. Mr Abacha puts himself forward in a much more professional light than you have ever done, and I am confident that his proposal will enable me to start up the animal sanctuary that I have been dreaming of for all these years. The way things are going with your business proposal, I reckon half of the species I want to house in the sanctuary will probably be extinct before I manage to get the sanctuary up and running.

This is your last chance, Mr Williams. Either send me your bank account details today so that we can move forward, or I will take up Mr Abacha's offer instead.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Steven Williams

Subject: I have decided to move forward with Mr Abacha

Sent: Tue, 23 Aug 2005 09:41:11

Dear Mr Williams,

Given your abject failure to repond to my recent emails, I have decided to give up on this business and move forward with Mr Abacha instead. Hopefully he will prove to be somewhat more competent than you have been in this business. Well, he could hardly be more incompetent, could he?

Watch out for those wildebeest now, won't you?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray