In which Gilbert proves willing to do just about anything to save Saint Bunty's Home for Parentally-Challenged Children from closure, and in which a bogus lawyer proves spectacularly willing to embarrass himself time after time in a shameless attempt to get his hands on the orphanage's money.

Cast of characters

Gilbert Murray - Financial Director of Saint Bunty's Home for Parentally-Challenged Children.
Vincent Joe - allegedly a lawyer in Nigeria.
Tanko Mahmood - allegedly the Director of a Nigerian bank.

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: GET BACK TO ME Gilbert Murray

Sent: Wed, 19 Nov 2003 20:04:33 -0500 (EST)

VINCENT JOE & ASSOCIATES
4 OLA STREET
SURULERE LAGOS-NIGERIA

ATTN: Gilbert Murray

I am Barrister Vincent Joe, the attorney to Mr Mark Murray, a national of your country, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Nigeria. Herein after shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 1999, my client, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along Shagamu express-road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives.

Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients' extended relatives this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank here. These huge deposits were lodged particularly, with the ECOBANK INTERNATIONAL PLC, where the deceased had an account valued at about $15 million. The bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name so that the proceeds of this account valued at $15 million can be paid to you and then you and me can share the money. 60% to me and 40% to you. I will procure all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make. Based on that you are to furnish me with the below information to enable the bank transfer the fund to your bank account.

Your full name and contact address.
Your telephone and fax number for communication purpose.
Your occupation, age and position.

All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.

Note: you can reply through my alternative email address (barrister_utin@yahoo.com).

Best regards,

Barrister Vincent Joe

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: In response to your email

Sent: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 08:55:36

Dear Mr Joe,

I am writing in response to the intriguing email that you sent to me yesterday. I am terribly sorry to hear about the fate of your client, Mr Murray. What dreadful news.

I am fairly sure that I am not related to the deceased - I am not aware of any relative of mine called Mark, and certainly nobody in my family has mentioned that anyone related to me has died in a car crash. However, your proposition intrigued me.

I am in rather a sticky situation at the moment, and the company I work for is in desperate need of an injection of funds, so I am extremely interested in your proposal. I feel that I may be in a position to be able to help you out, provided that you can assure me that there is no risk involved in this affair.

If you require my assistance, please email me back with further details.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: PERSONAL INFORMATION OF DECEASED/TEXT OF APPLICATION FOR CLAIM AS NEXT OF KIN TO DECEASED DEPOSITOR

Sent: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 06:20:55 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I hope that you and your family are fine today. Thanks for your prompt reply to my email and offer for a mutually beneficial business relationship regarding the transfer of the $15,000,000 abandoned by late Mr Mark Murray in EcoBank International Plc.

I have noted all the concerns you raised in your email and I wish to reassure you that there is no cause for alarm at all. This is because, as a lawyer and an attorney-at-law, I know all the legal framework within which to make the claim and neither you nor I will breach the law in any way.

Following your positive response, today, I went to the bank and obtained from the secretary of the bank, the diskette which contains the text of application for claim as next of kin to a deceased depositor and to ensure that we commence the full operations of the claim process without any delays, I am sending this to you below.

Be assured that as soon as you successfully send over the signed application to the bank and inform me so, I will go to the bank and push for the necessary approvals which will culminate in the transfer of the full claim amount by the bank to the bank account you will indicate.

You could call me for detailed discussions on my direct contact telephone: +234 80 331 25276. I will call you also, if you give me your secure direct contact telephone number.

Best regards,

Barrister Vincent

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I am keen to move forward

Sent: Thu, 20 Nov 2003 15:05:27

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your detailed email, and for sending me the text of the document I have to complete and forward to the bank. I must say, from your email, you sound like a very down-to-earth, straightforward and businesslike person, which is excellent. I have a feeling that we will make a good team.

As you have provided me with so much useful information, I feel it only right and proper to provide you with more information on myself. I am Financial Director of Saint Bunty's Home for Parentally-Challenged Children, a privately-funded orphanage based in Lincolnshire. We provide care for over 100 children here, ranging in age from 6 months to 16 years.

Saint Bunty's receives no government funding, and up until three months ago we were funded entirely by a generous local benefactor, Lady Godiva. Unfortunately, Lady Godiva died three months ago following a fall from her horse - hypothermia set in due to her inadequate clothing and her body was not discovered for four days - and we have discovered that she made no provision for the continued funding of Saint Bunty's in her will. Lady Godiva had no descendents and left her entire fortune to the Royal Society for the Protection of Rabbits. Whether the lack of provision for Saint Bunty's was an oversight or not is neither here nor there now - what matters is that as a result of this, the orphanage now finds itself in a precarious financial situation.

With no money coming into the orphanage, I took drastic steps to try and improve the state of our finances. Unfortunately, I made a number of unfortunate financial decisions and invested rather unwisely - horse fell at the last fence, you know the sort of thing - with the result that Saint Bunty's is now desperately short of cash.

To be perfectly frank with you, if Saint Bunty's does not receive a large injection of cash within the next six weeks, I am afraid that the orphanage will have to close. We have just enough money in our coffers to pay our staff next month and to pay for food and fuel and the like, but after that, we have nothing. We will have to close the orphanage and throw the poor little orphans out onto the street to fend for themselves. With Christmas just around the corner, this would be a complete disaster.

This is why your proposal attracted my attention - I see it as the only way to save Saint Bunty's from closure. Saint Bunty's coffers have just over 27,000 in them at the moment. This may sound like a lot of money to you, but it is barely enough to cover next month's wages and bills. As we are in such a desperate situation, I am willing to make as much of this amount available as is necessary for the successful conclusion of this business proposal. The end result will make this worthwhile.

I have not told the other members of the Board about the dire state of Saint Bunty's finances. For one thing, I do not wish to worry them, and for another thing, I would rather they did not know how much money I have lost in the past two months by investing rashly. Therefore, confidentiality is key to this business - I am keen to keep the details strictly between the two of us. If your proposal can solve Saint Bunty's financial crisis, the Board need never know how close the orphanage has come to closing down.

My dear Mr Joe, I need this business transaction to work. The fate of over 100 poor little orphan boys and girls rests on its successful outcome.

Here are my personal details.

Full name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Address: Hemlock Cottage, Cold Harbour Lane, Gypping in the Marsh, Lincolnshire, UK

Telephone: 01927 58367

I will get onto my bank and arrange for a suitable bank account to be cleared in preparation for this business, and will put details of the account onto the document I send to the bank.

You asked me to print and fax the text of the document to the bank. Unfortunately, we do not have a working fax machine at the orphanage; one of the dear little orphans broke it some weeks ago. Would it be possible for me to email a copy of the signed document to the bank?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I am keen to move forward

Sent: Fri, 21 Nov 2003 01:50:26 -0800 (PST)

My dear Gilbert,

I hope that you are fine today.

Thank you so much for your detailed email and positive comments concerning my humble self. I felt positively flattered.

I was touched by the pathetic story of Saint Bunty's Home for Parentally-Challenged Children and I wish to reassure you that we (you and I) will resurrect the orphanage in no distant time from now.

It has always been my desire to do something for charity, because I enjoyed so many scholarships during my growing up. I am therefore highly gratified that the opportunity has finally come for me to pay back. God works in miraculous ways and I am pleased that He has brought me in close contact with you (that already have a full experience of how to go about providing for charity). This is wonderful. Maybe God wanted me to actualise my dreams this way and caused Lady Godiva to forget to make any provisions for Saint Bunty's in her will. Much as the present predicament of the orphanage is worrisome to you, I want you to regard this as a blessing in disguise because I believe that God wants His greatness to manifest and be a practical testimony in Saint Bunty's and this will prove to all around that when one door closes, another opens. Blessings can only come from God!

I have noted your full contact information and your direct contact telephone. I will call you later today for a discussion.

It is however unfortunate that your organisation does not have a fax machine for now. Be that as it may, it is no big problem. What you should do immediately, is to quickly sort out the account aspect with your bank (note not to tell your bank anything yet concerning the transfer to the account) and prepare the signed application and send to me by email as an attachment. I will submit it to the bank as soon as I receive it from you. The reason is that in this environment, banks do not yet accept the email for official correspondence. It will work better if I submit the signed copy to the secretary of the bank, who is my personal friend, after I receive same from you through my own email.

I have also noted your promise to give me all needed support to ensure that we succeed with the transaction as quickly as possible. I am greatly impressed by your promise to keep our secrets secret and this makes both of us. As for the other staff of Saint Bunty's, please do not mention to them the financial state of the home, or the transaction, so that the innovations they will see after we inject huge cash into the orphanage will come to all of them as a great surprise.

We will discuss any other matters when I call you today.

Much love,

Vincent

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: The application form is attached

Sent: Fri, 21 Nov 2003 10:54:49

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. I am overjoyed that with your kind assistance I will now be able to ensure that Saint Bunty's Home for Parentally-Challenged Children does not have to close. If invested wisely, the six million dollars I stand to make out of this business should be enough to keep the orphanage running for years to come. This will be all down to you, my dear Mr Joe. Hundreds of poor little orphan children will have you to thank for the loving, caring upbringing they will be able to receive here at Saint Bunty's.

I arrived here at work this morning to find that there had been some trouble at the orphanage overnight. Some children had broken into the kitchens during the night and stolen some food. Mr Ramsay, the cook, discovered the break-in first thing in the morning, and informed Mr Bumble, the Director of the orphanage, immediately. Mr Bumble was outraged - he does not stand for any insubordination, and punishes theft of any kind especially severely. He stood in front of the children in the hall at breakfast this morning and announced the theft, demanding that the culprits came forward. None did. The culprits only came forward when Mr Bumble threatened to withhold all food from everyone in the orphanage for a whole week.

The three culprits, all boys aged 15 and 16, stood in shame at the front of the hall as Mr Bumble lectured them about the importance of honesty. He then sent for his birch, ripped down the boys' trousers, bent them over a desk and thrashed them mercilessly in front of the rest of the orphans. He only stopped when one of the culprits passed out from the pain. Bumble then sent the three thieves off to the nurse to have their wounds dressed, and sent for the cleaner to mop up the blood. I have to admit, it was difficult to watch such harsh punishment taking place. But Saint Bunty's has always placed a strong emphasis on discipline. Mr Bumble's frenzied thrashing certainly taught those boys a lesson, and they will certainly think twice before they steal again.

You mentioned in your email that you would call me later. I have not given you Saint Bunty's telephone number - given the delicacy of this business, I simply cannot discuss it at work. The telephone number I gave you was my home number. Therefore, unfortunately we will not be able to talk during my working hours. I would rather communicate via email if at all possible - it is a much more private method of communication.

You will be pleased to hear that I have arranged for one of my personal bank accounts to be cleared in preparation for this business. You mentioned that I should not tell my bank anything about this transaction - surely this would not present a problem? My bank, Bartletts, is a small, long-established local bank, with a reputation for discretion and service, and I have an excellent relationship with my bank manager, Nathaniel West. I thought he may be able to help us out with this business - smoothing the way for any money transfers, for example - and was planning to discuss the matter with him later today.

Thank you for offering to forward my application form to the bank. We do have a fax machine here, but one of the orphans accidentally broke it a few weeks ago (for which they received a sound thrashing from Mr Bumble). As you requested, I have printed out the form, signed it, scanned it in and attached it to this email. It includes details of the bank account I wish the money to be transferred to. I took the trouble of correcting the numerous spelling mistakes it contained - I thought it would be best, to avoid problems later. I know how punctilious these bankers can be.

I look forward to hearing from you regarding our next step.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

Gilbert's application form

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I am concerned about delays

Sent: Fri, 21 Nov 2003 15:46:37

Dear Mr Joe,

I am rather concerned that I have not heard from you since I forwarded on my application form for the bank. Is everything alright?

I had a bit of a scare earlier today. Mr Bumble burst into my office to enquire why no new birches and canes had been ordered for him in the past few months. He gets through them at a rate of knots, and likes to have a good supply handy for the maintenance of order and the prompt administration of punishment. He noticed that his supply was running short late this morning, after he broke a cane in two while beating a little girl who sneezed while walking past him in a corridor ("children should be seen and not heard, and preferably not seen either" is one of his mottos). I have been cutting down on all sorts of expenditure over the past few months in an attempt to keep Saint Bunty's open for as long as possible - hence the lack of birches and canes - but of course I could not tell Mr Bumble the current state of our finances.

I muttered some excuse about the supplier letting us down, but Mr Bumble was not impressed, and demanded to see the balance sheet of the orphanage! I lied and told him that the books were currently at the accountants for their annual review, but he has demanded to see them within the next few weeks.

Mr Joe, you are aware of the financial situation in which I find myself. Therefore I hope you can appreciate that I need this transaction to be completed as soon as possible. The sooner I can plug the gaping hole in Saint Bunty's finances, the better. I would therefore appreciate it if you could do your best to hurry things along, my dear fellow. My fate, and the fate of over 100 poor little orphan children, rests with you.

Unfortunately, I will be unavailable this weekend. My wife and I are spending a weekend away, hillwalking in Cambridgeshire. However, we are returning late on Sunday, and I look forward to resuming this transaction with vigour on Monday morning.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: The application form is attached

Sent: Sat, 22 Nov 2003 11:10:33 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your emails and the attached application which I already submitted.

I hope that you and your wife had a nice time as you hillwalked. I had called your telephone throughout yesterday as I promised, but I could not obtain a connection. I now know why and this is because you and madam had to go away for the weekend. Maybe, you switched your telephone off.

You will be glad that I already submitted the application and also started made the necessary application at the probate Registry of Births and Deaths for the issue of the deceased's certificate of death and necessary letter of administration for backing up the claim at the bank. This will cost a total of $12,000.

Be assured that I also want an expedited process so that we could succeed as soon and as quickly as possible.

Unfortunately, it is holiday here on Monday and Tuesday next week. So further actions from the bank are expected as from Wednesday next week. I wish to assure you again that there will be good attention to the claim file soon after the holidays. This is because I am well known at the bank and the top officials of the bank were happy to learn that the next of kin to the deceased has eventually been located. Late Mr Mark Murray was a very reliable customer of the bank and I an sure that the claim process will receive top level attention from the bank's management.

Please call me as soon as you return read this email.

Happy weekend,

Barrister Vincent

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I am concerned about delays

Sent: Sun, 23 Nov 2003 07:29:03 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

I guess that you and your wife would have returned to your home by the time this email arrives your box.

I observed that I did not react to your discussing the transaction with your bank manager Nathaniel West. This is not deliberate. I felt it was more important to inform you of the progress that had been made already.

Please note that my reason for asking you not to discuss the transfer with your bank, is because it will amount to putting the cat before the horse. I want you to have all the transaction documents in hand before you talk to your bank about the transfer you expect. This way, there will be something concrete to show to your bank. I am also afraid that your bank manager might not believe you, because of the amount involved, except you have the classified documents of the transaction to show or present to him. I will still advise that you keep things the way I have suggested to you so that when the transfer is ready to be made to your indicated account, I will tell you to inform and discuss the transfer with your bank manager.

Having known your bank and its staff for a long time, I do not think that it will be too late for them to make any special arrangements that might be required before the transfer arrives your account, by the time I will ask you to inform and discuss the matter with them. OK?

I have also noted that the telephone you gave to me is your home number. Since we cannot discuss while you are at work, I will suggest that you call me from your home any time you think it is necessary. Aside from this, we can rely more on the email for most of our communication.

Let me know if you have any issues you want clarified further.

Best regards,

Barrister Vincent

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Thank you for reassuring me

Sent: Mon, 24 Nov 2003 10:29:25

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for the emails you sent me over the weekend. My wife and I had an excellent time hillwalking in Cambridgeshire, even though the weather was somewhat inclement. The wind was so strong that we were nearly blown off the top of Wicken Fen, but thankfully we managed to make our way down safely.

I am pleased to hear about the progress you have made so far with my application form - thank you very much for your diligence. The boys and girls of Saint Bunty's will be eternally grateful for your unstinting efforts.

Regarding discussing this business with my bank manager, I quite understand why you think that I should not do so until we have got a bit further down the line. As you so rightly said, this would amount to putting the cat before the horse, which is never a good idea even at the best of times. I often find that if you attempt to run before you can walk, you're in danger of letting the cat out of the bag and throwing the baby out with the bath water, often while scoring an own goal in the process.

I arrived at Saint Bunty's today to find that the whole orphanage was being turned upside-down in the search for a missing boy. The boy, Oliver, was found to be missing at breakfast, and it appears that nobody has seen him since Sunday lunchtime, when apparently he complained to Mr Bumble about the portions of food that were being served, and asked for more. Quite rightly, Mr Bumble beat him soundly in front of the other children for his impertinence - so soundly that the boy passed out - and he has not been seen since. Mr Bumble is afraid that he may have found a way to get over the wall, and if so, he could be anywhere. Mr Bumble is organising search parties right now to go and seek for the missing boy in the surrounding countryside - no doubt I will be involved in one myself. Hopefully we will be able to find him before he gets into any trouble, and bring him back into the loving arms of Saint Bunty's once more.

I understand from your email that you have a public holiday today and Tuesday. Is this a special occasion in Nigeria? Some annual tribal gathering, perhaps? Whatever the occasion, I do hope that you enjoy it, and I look forward to resuming work on this business on Wednesday morning.

Mr Bumble has just strode into my office and instructed me to join a search party that will be combing Gypping Marsh for the missing boy. No doubt this will take up most of the rest of my day. I hope we are successful. Lord only knows what harm the boy could come to out there on his own.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Thank you for reassuring me

Sent: Mon, 24 Nov 2003 07:47:28 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

Thanks for your usually detailed email. Nice to learn that you and madam had a nice time hillwalking and nicer to hear that God saved you both from being blown off the hill crest.

It was however sad to learn about the missing Oliver. I pray that he would be found, as your details suggested.

I am also pleased that you have better understood my reason for advising you against talking to your bank manager about the expected transfer until a time I regard as appropriate. Please confirm to me if your indicated account in your bank is denominated in US dollars or in Pounds Sterling. If it is denominated in Pounds Sterling, this should not bother you. It will only mean that the US dollars deposit will be converted to Pounds Sterling in the course of the transfer. Of course the bank here should also be able to identify in what currency the account is denominated.

Yes, the holiday here is a Muslim one. It is the end of the Ramadan fast period for the Muslims here and they are celebrating the Eid-El Fitri festival. You will like to learn that in Nigeria, we recognise the two major religions of Islam and Christianity. In this regard, it is in our laws to call public holidays on any special occasion the adherents of the two religions have are deemed to need some time off work to attend to their religious needs.

Frankly, at times I feel these holidays are unnecessary, such as in our case right now. This is because, like you, I want an expedited process for our transaction and we could make more reasonable progress in these two days that we, including the bank, have been forced be at home.

Be that as it may, be reassured that our process would certainly move forward as work resumes after the holiday. For instance, I have put up the needed amount of $12,000 and paid to the Probate Registry of Births and Deaths at the same time I made the necessary application. Since I had earlier discussed it with the registrar, I strongly hope that the highly classified and all-important document should be issued to me first thing on Wednesday morning.

Also, since the bank has already received your application, I strongly believe that they should respond accordingly and I should be able to receive a copy of whatever official document they raise in response to your application same Wednesday.

However, I will have a little problem in communicating the documents to you, since you do not have a fax at which the bank or I could send document to you. Considering the need for absolute confidentiality, I will suggest that each time I receive copies any of the classified documents of the transaction, I will scan them and send to you by email as attachment, the same way you sent the application.

Please let me know what you think about this my suggestion.

Let us hope for the best after the holidays.

Much love to you, madam and your whole family.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Your suggestion regarding documents

Sent: Mon, 24 Nov 2003 16:14:03

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email, and for your kind sentiments towards my family and I.

I am afraid to say that little Oliver has not yet been found. Mr Bumble sent out six search parties this morning to find the little fellow, but we all came back empty-handed. Mr Bumble was most displeased at this, and called all the orphans together in the hall at Saint Bunty's. He then picked a little girl at random from the front row and told the assembled orphans that he was going to thrash her, and that he would not stop until someone came forward with information. Sure enough, he threw her across a desk and started to lay into the girl with his birch with all his might.

After about sixteen severe blows with the birch, a small boy stepped forward and shouted for Mr Bumble to stop. Mr Bumble tossed the crying, bloodied girl to one side, and pulled the young boy up onto stage. He explained that Oliver, the missing boy, had told him that he was going to escape and go to the local police to complain about brutality'. Mr Bumble was incensed to hear this, and thrashed the boy viciously for keeping this a secret, until his shirt hung in tatters on his wounded back.

This is ridiculous. If little Oliver does make it to a police station, it will surely become clear that his accusations of brutality are entirely without foundation. True enough, Mr Bumble runs a tight ship, and does not spare the rod ("spare the rod, spoil the child", as Mr Bumble says). However, he loves and cares for the little orphans in his charge. He is like a father to them all. Saint Bunty's is a haven for them - this is why I am so desperate to keep it open. Oh well, we shall see what happens. No doubt there will be developments soon.

You must have an awful lot of public holidays in Nigeria if you respect both Christian and Muslim holidays. It's surprising you get any work done at all. Don't the Buddhists feel rather left out?

You enquired about my bank account. It is indeed in Pounds Sterling. I trust that this will not be a problem.

And your suggestion regarding documents was an excellent one - emailing them to me would be ideal, given that our fax machine is no longer working.

Anyway, I must not keep you from the rest of your holidays. Enjoy fasting, or whatever it is that's going on over there right now.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Oliver has been found

Sent: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 11:25:31

Dear Mr Joe,

I trust that today finds you well. We had a shock today at Saint Bunty's: I arrived at work this morning to find three police cars outside. It appears that little Oliver, the missing orphan boy, had made his way to the local police station and told them that he was being maltreated at the orphanage. The police were here in force this morning, investigating little Oliver's claims and interviewing staff and children alike.

Fortunately, once he found out that Oliver was making his way to the police station, Mr Bumble had anticipated that such a thing might happen. He announced to all the orphans yesterday afternoon that if anyone asked them how they were being treated at Saint Bunty's, they were to insist that they were treated with love, care and compassion, and that any claims of brutality were completely unfounded. He warned them that if anyone said anything different, he would beat them until his cane broke, once a day for a week.

Fortunately, this seems to have done the trick: all the orphans told the police that they were treated very well, and the police left after a few hours, satisfied that little Oliver's tales of maltreatment were nothing but fantasy. They left little Oliver back where he belongs, here in the loving arms of Saint Bunty's. The poor dear looked very thin and frail: he had not eaten properly since Sunday lunchtime. Mr Bumble immediately took Oliver under his wing, gave him a damn good thrashing, then locked him in the coal bunker for a week with nothing to eat but dry bread and water. I am sure that this will teach little Oliver a valuable lesson.

Annie, the little girl that Mr Bumble birched in the assembly hall yesterday, asked me this morning if Father Christmas was going to call at the orphanage this year. She was worried that she might not get any presents for Christmas because she has no parents. I told her not to worry, and promised her that Father Christmas was definitely going to visit the orphanage, bringing lots and lots of toys for all the boys and girls. Annie looked delighted at this news, and I sent her on her way with a cheery slap on the back. Unfortunately, this made her howl with pain and brought tears to her eyes - I had forgotten about the beating she received yesterday.

I only hope that I will be able to keep my promise to little Annie. She, and the rest of the little orphan boys and girls, are depending on you, Mr Joe. It must be a wonderful feeling, knowing that you personally are preventing over 100 orphans from being thrown out onto the street to starve. I am sure that when it comes to judgement day, God will reward you for your actions, Mr Joe.

I look forward to resuming this business tomorrow, once those fellows at the bank start eating again.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Your suggestion regarding documents

Sent: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 09:35:09 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Murray,

Thank you so much for the good news that poor little Oliver has been found.

I wish to reassure you that Annie's hopes for the visit of Father Christmas would be answered. We will certainly succeed.

Your joke about holidays here was quite interesting. In fact, I wish things could change and we run a completely secular society that would be devoid of such special attention to any religions.

Be that as it may, thank God it is already Tuesday and work MUST resume tomorrow. I strongly hope that there should be some good news about our process before the end of tomorrow. I hope to be to receive the deceased death certificate from the Probate Registry of Births and Deaths and to check at the bank to know if they have any official response yet to your application (I strongly hope there should be one especially after these long holidays).

It is interesting to note that you approve of my suggestion to email any documents I receive to you as attachments. This way, I believe, the process would be better secured.

Finally, I wish to once again reassure you that with your maximum co-operation which you have already placed at my disposal, we will both be happy soon and Saint Bunty's would be happier for it as we will inject any needed funds that would keep it going smoothly. Also, Mr Bumble might have to take orders from you after you become the major reason for the changed fortunes of the orphanage soon.

Lets hope for the best in the coming days.

Much love to you, madam and your whole family,

Vincent

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Is the fasting over?

Sent: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 13:59:42

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. I was hoping to have heard from your bank by now, but so far have received nothing from them. Is the fasting over? Perhaps they have forgotten to start eating again and open up the bank? Hopefully I will hear something from them later today. I will let you know as soon as I do.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Bank letter and deceased's death certificate

Sent: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 07:20:23 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Gilbert Murray,

Good news!

As you will find in the attachment, the bank has issued its first official letter to confirm receipt of your application, with a promise to release the account closure application to me tomorrow with a covering letter that will bear instructions and requirements the bank will want you to fulfil immediately for the final approval and remittance of the full claim amount of $15 million to be effected to your indicated account within 72 hours of your carrying out the bank's instructions.

You will also find in the attachment the deceased's death certificate which was equally issued and released to me about 30 minutes ago.

Be assured that I will email any fresh documents I receive from the bank tomorrow to you same way, before the close of work tomorrow.

Let's hope for the best soon.

Best regards,

Vincent

The receipt from the bank

Mark Murray's death certificate

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: This is excellent news

Sent: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 16:03:51

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email, and for the documents you forwarded on to me. I am extremely pleased to see the progress we are making in this business. I feel completely confident now that the future of Saint Bunty's, and all its happy little orphans, is secure. And this is all thanks to you.

I am sad to say that we had more trouble from little Oliver today. The orphans were becoming unsettled by the wails of anguish and hunger coming from the coal bunker where Oliver has been locked for the remainder of the week. Something had to be done - we cannot have the children upset in this way - so Mr Bumble took action as soon as the problem became apparent, to prevent the children from becoming distressed. He unlocked the coal bunker and removed little Oliver from the darkness. As the little orphan boy stood blinking in the bright sunlight, Mr Bumble tied a thick gag around his mouth, gave him a slap and told him to be quiet, then threw him back into the bunker and locked the door. Problem solved.

I look forward to receiving the remainder of the documents from you as soon as you receive them. Best wishes to you and your family.

Kind regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: This is excellent news

Sent: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 11:07:16 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Murray,

Thanks for your email and the confirmation that you received the documents correctly. Your commendation is welcome.

I hope too that you and your entire family are fine today, as my family are I am.

I think that Mr Bumble is a disciplinarian of the first order. Little Oliver would be useful to himself and his country, if he takes adequate correction following Mr Bumble's punishments.

As for hunger in Saint Bunty's, this will cease soon after you receive the full amount of the claim.

Could you please call me from your home this night or tomorrow morning. I have tried several times but I could not obtain a connection to your indicated number.

Meanwhile, I have started preparing the contract and as soon as I finish with this, I will send you the draft copies for your perusal and inputs so that when I join you after you receive the transfer, we could sign the hard cover.

As from 10 am tomorrow morning, I will check with the bank to see if the documents I will send to you are ready and it they are, I will email them same way I sent those of today immediately I get to my office.

Happy night rest to you, madam and your entire family.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I will telephone you tonight

Sent: Thu, 27 Nov 2003 11:32:34

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry I could not call you last night, but I did not receive your email until today. Obviously, I cannot call you this morning - I am at work, and I do not want the other staff members at Saint Bunty's to know about the transaction we are working on. I shall therefore endeavour to call you from home tonight.

My wife, Elizabeth, does not know anything about this transaction either. In fact, I have not told her about any of the financial problems that Saint Bunty's currently finds itself in. She is a very nervous woman, prone to worrying too much about things, and I do not wish to upset her. I have enough on my plate at the moment without my wife becoming hysterical with worry. Therefore, to maintain the secrecy surrounding this business, I suggest that we use a code when talking on the telephone tonight. I can therefore tell Elizabeth that I am talking to someone about supplies for Saint Bunty's.

I would suggest that we employ the following code:

When I refer to:	I mean:
Jamie Theakston	You (Vincent Joe)
Paul Daniels	Mark Murray
Grimsby	The Shagamu express road
Jones the Butcher	The Shell Development Company
Half a pound of prime steak	Our business transaction
Evans the Greengrocer	Ecobank International PLC
Forty-five cauliflowers	$15 million
Fifty kilos of King Edwards	The application form I sent to the bank
Two hundred turnips	The bank's letter of confirmation
Mickey Finn the Fishmonger	Bartletts Bank
Twenty kilos of coley fillet	My bank account
Biddles the coal merchant	The Registry of Births and Deaths
Fifty sacks of coal	Mark Murray's death certificate
One hundred sacks of anthracite	The letter of administration
Winston Smith	Mr Bumble
Ken Livingstone	Little Oliver
Janet Street-Porter	Little Annie

This may seem a little complicated at first, but believe me, it will be worth using the code if it means that I can keep details of this transaction from Elizabeth. It may help to try to memorise the code, ready for when I call tonight.

I look forward to receiving the draft contract from you later today. I promise to give it my full attention as soon as it arrives.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: INFORMATION FOR FILLING NEXT OF KIN ACCOUNT CLOSURE APPLICATION DOCUMENTS

Sent: Thu, 27 Nov 2003 06:24:09 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

Thanks for your email and your very intelligent suggestion concerning our using "codes" when you call me tonight in order for your wife, Elizabeth, not to understand the subject of our discussion. As you rightly observed, it will be a little difficult for me initially, but I hope to get along better with the codes as time goes on. In fact, I will print out your email and have it before me as we discuss on telephone when you call tonight.

I had earlier received and emailed the bank's approval letter with instructions and the two pages of the next of kin account closure application documents to you this afternoon. You did not confirm receipt of these in your email of today. Maybe you have not seen them yet. Please confirm receipt as soon as you see the documents in your email.

As a follow-up to the successful email of the documents to you, please find below, the full details of the information for filling the next of kin account closure application, as I promised in my earlier email to you today.

INFORMATION FOR FILLING ACCOUNT CLOSURE APPLICATION DOCUMENTS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

Full name of deceased account holder: Mr Mark Murray
Next of kin: Your full names as you wrote in your first application to the bank
Relationship with deceased: Cousin
Last address of account holder: Plot 234, Abiola Crescent, Ikeja, Lagos
Date of death: April 21,1999
Cause of death: Car crash
Account type: Personal current account
Cleared balance to date: $15,000,000.00
Do you wish to be paid in instalments?: No
Form of payment preferred: Bank transfer
Choice of currency: Pounds Sterling
Applicant's declaration: Just sign, thumb-print and write date, ONLY, on this page, including on the section marked "Signature and thumb impression of applicant", directly below the Referee section.
Referee section: Leave this section vacant and send back the duly filled and signed application to me by email as attachments. I will arrange for one of the bank's respected merchant customers to fill this section.

You will notice that a processing charge of 6,650.00 is needed. I feel it is important to throw more light on this for your understanding and performance of the expected responsibility. Please note that this is very important as it is part of the proof that you are really paying the charge from your current indicated place of abode (abroad).This is crucial and fundamental to the success of the transaction, that is why I want you to handle it as this will go a long way to establish your claim as the next of kin to the deceased.

This is because when I take the documents to the secretary after you fill, sign and send them back to me, he will attach the other documents and the receipt of the fee remittance to your claim file and submit same to the bank manager for the next and final stage of the claim process. The sender's information on the receipt (your name and other details), will have to tally with the information the bank already has on you, in their files. All these make up a complete claim package.

After I submit the documents to the bank I will email to you my personal and passport information and with these, you will write the necessary letter of invitation and send to me. This is to assist me with processing and securing the visa I need and with which I will travel to me up with you for the disbursement of the funds and the post transaction investment which you will assist me to plan and execute.

I will send you the draft copy of the contract this weekend.

Looking forward to meeting you soon.

With my best regards,

Barrister Vincent Joe

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Sorry, but I am slightly confused

Sent: Thu, 27 Nov 2003 15:11:20

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email, and for your detailed instructions on how to complete the bank's approval letter. Unfortunately, I have not received the approval letter, or the two pages of the next of kin account closure application documents to which you referred. Could you please send them to me as a matter of urgency?

Regarding these two documents, I think we should add them to our code, along with a couple of other items - I am sure we will need to discuss them tonight. I would suggest:

When I refer to:	I mean:
A large bag of onions	The bank's approval letter
Two hundred pilchards	The next of kin account closure application
A bag of cockles	The processing charge of 6,650.00
Two pounds of pork sausages	The letter of invitation I must write to you

I am pleased that you approve of using the code I suggested. I appreciate that it may be rather difficult at first (for both of us). To get us into practice, I have written the rest of this email using the code. Perhaps you should reply to this email in code too, to get as much practice as possible.

I have to admit, I found myself rather confused by the second half of your email, in which you explained what would happen next relating to our half a pound of prime steak. You said that a bag of cockles is required. Could you provide Evans the Greengrocer with this bag of cockles yourself? Otherwise, I would have to withdraw the bag of cockles from Mickey Finn the Fishmonger and transfer it across to Evans the Greengrocer. As you are closer to Evans the Greengrocer, for you to provide him with the bag of cockles seems much easier to me. Of course, if absolutely necessary, I could provide the bag of cockles out of my own twenty kilos of coley fillet. Just as long as Winston Smith doesn't find out. But this is slightly risky from my point of view.

So what happens next? Once you have sent me the large bag of onions and two hundred pilchards, I complete them and send them back to you, do I? Or should I send them to Evans the Greengrocer? I don't quite understand how the large bag of onions, the two hundred pilchards and the bag of cockles fit together. And how do these relate to the fifty kilos of King Edwards I sent to Evans the Greengrocer, and the two hundred turnips they sent me in return? And where does Paul Daniels' fifty sacks of coal come into it? Also, do I have to deal with Biddles the coal merchant, or have you taken care of everything in that department?

I am also confused about the two pounds of pork sausages I have to send you. Why do you need two pounds of pork sausages in order to come and visit me? You are welcome to come and visit me any time you like, my dear Mr Theakston.

I would very much appreciate it if you could clear up the above matters for me, and I look forward to receiving the large bag of onions and the two hundred pilchards from you as soon as possible.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Bank Approval and Account Closure Application Documents

Sent: Thu, 27 Nov 2003 12:11:33 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

The codes are a little too difficult for me to follow for now.

Please find the approval letter and copies of the account closure application document pages in the forwarded form.

Note that you should make every effort to fill and send back the documents with the receipt of the fee remittance by tomorrow for the final stages of the claim process to be concluded same tomorrow or on Monday/Tuesday next week. We do not need to waste time now at all.

Let me know quickly if you got them correctly.

Best regards,

Vincent

The approval letter from the bank

Page 1 of a forged account closure application document

Page 1 of the account closure application document

Page 2 of a forged account closure application document

Page 2 of the account closure application document

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Thank you for the documents

Sent: Fri, 28 Nov 2003 09:01:31

Dear Mr Theakston,

Thank you for your email, and for forwarding on the large bag of onions and the two hundred pilchards to me.

Ah. Sorry. Yes, reading back my last email, the code was perhaps a little difficult to follow. Perhaps it would be a good idea to drop it for now. Anyway, I will see to the documents you sent me today, and forward them back to you later.

Basically, what I was trying to say in my last email was that I was rather confused by our next steps. Could you please clarify where we go from here?

Incidentally, I tried to telephone you last night, but could not get through. I am not sure if I was using the correct dialling code or not: it is not often that I make international telephone calls. I had to give up trying after three attempts, as my wife Elizabeth was becoming suspicious. She wanted to know what the piece of paper I had in my hand was - it was my list of codes - and as I was rather secretive and refused to show it to her, she accused me of trying to telephone some fancy woman behind her back. I do not want to go through that again.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: A question

Sent: Fri, 28 Nov 2003 10:39:46

Dear Mr Joe,

I am in the middle of filling out the form you sent to me, and a thought has occurred to me. I know you told me I could leave the "referee" section blank, and that you would get someone to fill it in, but would it not be better if I got someone who actually knows me to complete it? Mr Bumble came to mind initially as an ideal person, but then I realised that I did not want him to know anything about this business. So then I thought of my bank manager, Nat West. I have known him for years, and I am sure that he would be more than happy to act as a referee for me. And now that we have so much documentation relating to the transaction, I can't see any reason to keep it a secret from him any longer.

Is that alright? I'm popping into town this afternoon anyway, so unless I hear from you I'll drop into the bank with the document and get Mr West to sign it for me. I'd feel happier if he did it, rather than someone I didn't actually know. I always think it's best to keep these things above board.

On another matter, we had a bit of a mishap at Saint Bunty's this morning. Biddles the coal merchant came to make their monthly delivery of fifty sacks of coal and one hundred sacks of anthracite (I'm not lapsing back into code, in case you were wondering; I really am referring to the coal merchant).

The coal lorry turned up early, and as usual the coal man went straight to the coal bunker, unlatched the top and emptied the sacks of coal straight into the bunker. Unfortunately, little Oliver was still locked in the coal bunker as part of his punishment. Nobody realised what had happened until over an hour later, when Mr Bennett the caretaker went to get some coal to stoke the boiler and uncovered Oliver's hand while he was shovelling coal out of the bunker. He called for Mr Bumble immediately, and dug the poor boy out of the coal, but unfortunately poor little Oliver was quite dead. The coal man had unwittingly unloaded fifty sacks of coal straight on top of him, which obviously didn't do him a lot of good. As Mr Bumble had gagged Oliver to keep him quiet, the poor little boy obviously could not call out to protest. We are not sure if he suffocated from the weight of the coal, or whether he died from the injuries he sustained as the coal was unloaded on top of him.

Mr Bumble has sworn all the staff to secrecy - this must not come out. We have wrapped poor little Oliver's broken body into an old carpet and put it into the boiler room. Mr Bumble apparently has plans to get rid of the body in the marsh when it has gone dark tonight.

This is most distressing. Saint Bunty's treats its orphans with the utmost love, care and attention. I can only be thankful that things like this do not happen all that often. It is a good job poor little Oliver didn't have any parents. Otherwise there would be hell to pay.

Anyway, onwards and upwards, as they say. Let me know about the form. Unless I hear otherwise, I'll return it to you as soon as I've got Mr West's signature.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: A question (ANSWER)

Sent: Fri, 28 Nov 2003 05:34:11 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your three emails since yesterday after my last email to you. I had an early day at the High Court today to attend some of my clients. This is why I am replying your emails late.

CONCERNING THE FORM, PLEASE NOTE THAT IT IS ONLY AN ACCOUNT OWNER WITH ECOBANK THAT WILL BE ACCEPTABLE AS A REFEREE. THE IDEA OF YOUR BANK MANAGER, MR WEST, WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY SOUND, UNFORTUNATELY, HE DOES NOT QUALIFY BECAUSE HE DOES NOT OPERATE AN ACCOUNT WITH ECOBANK. OK? AGAIN, I INSIST THAT YOU DO NOT INFORM HIM YET ABOUT THE TRANSFER BECAUSE WE HAVE A FEW OTHER DOCUMENTATION TO SECURE. THESE INCLUDE THE DRUG, MONEY LAUNDERING AND ANTI-TERRORISM CERTIFICATES FROM THE NIGERIA DRUG LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY AND THE PRESIDENCY.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO WAIT UNTIL I INSTRUCT YOU TO INFORM YOUR BANK. PLEASE STICK TO THIS INSTRUCTION. IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT, IN ORDER FOR US TO SUCCEED AS DESIRED.

As I told you in my email, I already told somebody here who will fill the Referee section of the form. So do not bother telling your bank manager yet. Alright?

I will write to you in more detail later today or tomorrow.

Best regards,

Vincent

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I will not tell the bank just yet

Sent: Fri, 28 Nov 2003 15:07:33

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. I received it just as I was about to head off into town. You seem very definite in your opinion that I should not yet tell my bank manager about our business. Well, you know more about this business than I do, so I am sure you have your reasons and that they are good ones. I will therefore refrain from telling Nat West about our little transaction just yet. It is rather a shame - I was looking forward to telling him all about my sudden stroke of luck.

What's all this talk about drugs and money-laundering? I'm not sure I want anything to do with those kinds of goings-on, thank you very much. I've never taken anything stronger than an aspirin in my life, and I have no interest in laundering money. I thought we were carrying out a decent legal business here. You didn't tell me it had anything to do with drugs or money-laundering. Can't we complete this business without resorting to such questionable practices? Please clarify.

Mr Bumble is not in the best of moods today after this morning's unfortunate incident. He is putting on a brave face for the poor little orphans, but I know the man and I can tell that he is out of sorts. He was very half-hearted when he thrashed a boy at lunchtime for spilling some of his gruel - his blows didn't even draw blood, so I could tell that his heart wasn't really in it. Hopefully once he has disposed of poor little Oliver's body in the marsh this evening we can put today's terrible events behind us and get back to normal.

After all, we have Christmas to prepare for, and plenty of presents to buy for the orphans (although of course that will have to wait until we have completed our transaction). Things are looking up, Mr Joe. Not for poor little Oliver, of course, but for the rest of us.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Wishing you a pleasant weekend

Sent: Fri, 28 Nov 2003 17:04:52

Dear Mr Joe,

I am slightly disappointed that you have not yet responded to my last email. I hope to have received a reply from you by Monday morning, reassuring me on the points I raised in my last mail.

Provided that you can reassure me that we are not about to get involved in drugs and money-laundering, I should be able to forward the account closure application form to you on Monday. I have completed the form and scanned it into my computer. Once I receive your reassurance, I will send it on to you. Then hopefully we will be able to conclude our business by the end of next week, giving me ample time to purchase Christmas presents for all the little orphan boys and girls, and pay the orphanage's outstanding bills.

I gather that Mr Bumble is organising a work placement scheme for some of the younger orphans this weekend. He has been involved in discussions with a local firm of chimney sweeps, which is keen to employ some of the smaller boys and girls on a part-time basis, with the proceeds going to Saint Bunty's. Apparently they wish to offer their customers a more traditional chimney sweeping service (the "Heritage Victorian Sweep", I believe they call it), and eight or nine small orphan boys and girls are just what they need. This is excellent news for Saint Bunty's finances.

I hope you and your family have a very pleasant weekend, Mr Joe. Elizabeth and I are spending the weekend visiting my wife's father in Broadmoor. The old fellow doesn't get out much nowadays, so he will be pleased to see his daughter. We are due to return to Hemlock Cottage late on Sunday evening. I look forward to resuming our business on Monday.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: CLARIFICATION (ASSURANCE)

Sent: Sat, 29 Nov 2003 10:59:21 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

I hope that you and Elizabeth had a nice time with your parents-in-law at Broadmoor.

Pity that poor little Oliver had to go that way. May his soul rest in perfect peace.

Please note that you got the reason for the drug, money laundering and anti-terrorism clearance certificates completely wrong. I do not blame you anyway because you are not a commercial lawyer/attorney, which should have put you in a better stead to understand the need for them in our circumstance. So I am delighted to clarify things to clear your concerns.

To start with, these certificates do not in any way have anything to do with you and I getting involved in drug and other related issues as you suggested in your email. Not at all!

Suffice it to say that these documents are usually needed for a smooth passage of such a huge transfer as will be received by your account soon. This is part of the banking and legal requirements to ensure that there are no hitches in the transfer process from the remitting to the receiving bank. I will briefly explain that each of these classified documents does:

1. Anti-Terrorism Clearance Certificate:

This became imperative after the September 11 terror attack on the USA. The certificate is usually issued before a huge transfer is effected, to certify that such a huge transfer did not originate from terrorist sources nor is it intended for sponsoring terrorism activities. This is issued by a government agency under the office of the President and Commander-in-Chief of the Nigerian Armed forces. The name of the agency is the Anti-Terrorism Presidential Task Force (ATPF).

2. Drug Clearance Certificate:

Like the anti-terrorism certificate, this also dissociates the transfer amount from having drug related origin(s).

3. Money Laundering Clearance Certificate:

This also clears the amount to be transfer from being money generated from illegal transactions.

Both the drug and money laundering clearance certificates are issued by another government agency called the Nigerian Drug and Money Laundering Enforcement Agency (NDLEA).

As you could see, we need these documents. I wish to assure you also that I have had positive discussions with the two agencies and we will not have any difficulties in securing the documents.

I have noted that you have completed the forms and after reading these clarifications, I should expect to receive them from you on Monday as you promised. This is very good as this would ensure that we conclude the transaction before the end of next week.

I was very busy today and could not conclude the contract. I hope to do so and send out the draft copy to you for your perusal and comments, by tomorrow or on Monday latest.

Once again, please be doubly reassured that everything is OK. I am also impressed by your understanding and agreement with my instructions concerning talking to anybody about the business. With the clarifications I have given concerning the needed certificates, you will see more reason and continue to keep our secrets secret, until I ask you to talk about it to only your bank manager. In like manner, please do get me informed any time you want to take any decision or action concerning the business as this would give me an opportunity to give you my views on such decisions and or actions. This way, our team work MUST succeed.

Wishing you the best of the new week which begins tomorrow.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Re: CLARIFICATION (ASSURANCE)

Sent: Sun, 30 Nov 2003 19:49:40

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email, and for your reassurance that we are not going to be involved in drugs or money-laundering. I am most relieved to hear this.

Elizabeth and I have just returned from visiting her father in Broadmoor. A pleasant weekend was had by all. The poor fellow gets ever so lonely. His wife (Elizabeth's mother) unfortunately passed away seven years ago, following an unfortunate incident with an axe and an insurance claim, and he doesn't get to see many people nowadays.

I will send you the completed form first thing tomorrow morning once I get to work at Saint Bunty's, and I look forward to receiving a draft of the contract from you for my perusal.

I do indeed hope that we can complete this transaction this week. Christmas for the orphans this year is certainly going to be one to remember, and all thanks to you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: The completed account closure application form

Sent: Mon, 01 Dec 2003 09:04:21

Dear Mr Joe,

Please find attached the completed account closure application form that I promised to send to you.

Things are going from bad to worse at Saint Bunty's. I arrived at work this morning to find things in turmoil yet again. Mr Bumble's work placement scheme with the local chimney sweep did not go quite as planned. Apparently one of the children got stuck halfway up a particularly narrow chimney while cleaning it. The little orphan boy's efforts to extricate himself from the flue caused a huge fall of soot, which covered absolutely everything in the householder's lounge with a thick black coating. On top of that, the poor little boy was stuck fast in the chimney. My Bumble saved the situation by grabbing the sweep's brush and repeatedly ramming it hard up the chimney, shouting at the boy to stop messing about and come down. Eventually the boy managed to dislodge himself, and landed in a crumpled and dirty heap in the fireplace. Mr Bumble, enraged by the mess that the boy had caused, grabbed the sweep's brush and flogged the blackened orphan boy without mercy. Apparently the householder, already angry that his lounge had been covered in soot, was shocked by this and threatened to call the police and complain about the way in which Mr Bumble was treating the little boy. He was probably unhappy about getting so much blood on his carpet.

Well, it turns out that the householder did indeed call the police, and they were here in force once more at Saint Bunty's this morning. Things are getting serious. This is the second alleged incident of brutality against Mr Bumble in a week, and the police are getting suspicious. On top of this, they have demanded to speak to little Oliver once again. Of course, after the events of last week, this is impossible - Oliver is now well on his way to becoming an established part of the Gypping Marsh eco-system. Mr Bumble has told them that Oliver has run away again, but this has only heightened the police's suspicions. I really don't know what is going to happen here - I am ever so worried. I am expecting to be interviewed by the police later this morning. I just hope they don't enquire about the state of Saint Bunty's finances.

Anyway, notwithstanding the problems we are facing over here, hopefully your receipt of the completed form means that our little piece of business can be completed forthwith without any further problems. When do you think the money will be transferred into my bank account? The sooner the better, as far as I am concerned. I shall check the account balance every day to check.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

Page 1 of a completed forged account closure application document

Page 1 of the completed account closure application document

Page 2 of a completed forged account closure application document

Page 2 of the completed account closure application document

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Completed Account Closure Application Received Correctly, Expecting Fee Payment Receipt ASAP!

Sent: Mon, 01 Dec 2003 03:59:30 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your email of yesterday and the and attached account closure application in your email of this morning as you promised. I was waiting for it after reading your email of yesterday. I therefore had to rush to the court to take a fresh date for the matters I should have had in court today. This is to enable me work according to plan after receiving the application.

I have printed out the duly completed application documents and I will be on my way soon to the referee who will fill out the Referee section of the application.

However, you did not send the receipt of the fee remittance alongside the application as required. Since I have the original copy of the deceased's death certificate, you may not bother to scan and send the two copies. I will make the required copies and add to the application as soon as the referee completes the necessary section.

Unfortunately, I cannot submit the documents to the bank until I receive the fee payment receipt from you. If you have already remitted the fee amount of 6,650 to the bank, please urgently scan and email the receipt to me so that I could attach same to the other documents.

This is very important for our process to move forward. I have noted all the terrible developments at Saint Bunty's, which you enumerated in your email. It is therefore absolutely important that we act very fast and get in the documents to the bank today so that they can embark on the final processes our the claim to enhance our receiving the good news of the transfer to your account before the end of this week.

As you could see, the fate of Saint Bunty's and the orphans is now in our hands (you and I). I have done my bit to ensure that you receive the needed documentation which you just returned. It is therefore very important that you send the fee remittance receipt to me today unfailingly, so that I could get everything over to the bank.

Note that if you delay action on this particular requirement, it will affect the claim process and we cannot be guaranteed the good news. On my part, after paying the needed amount of $12,000 for the deceased's death certificate, and making other expenses, it is impossible for me to come up with fee needed for the processing of the claim.

I am anxiously waiting to receive the fee receipt from you. Act urgently and guarantee the good news to us (you and I) and Saint Bunty's.

Be assured that with the funds in your account soon, the current woes of Saint Bunty's would be automatically over, and your peace of mind would return. I would also be personally gratified to be part of the renewal of hopes and dreams that will occur at Saint Bunty's.

Expecting your email with the receipt.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: The processing fee

Sent: Mon, 01 Dec 2003 15:08:02

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased that you received the completed account closure application form without any problems.

Problems abound at this end, I am sad to say. The police were here in force this morning and interviewed all of the orphans and staff about the allegations of brutality. Unfortunately, it appears that a number of the orphans decided to lend their weight to the allegations, and after a few of them showed the police the weals and scars on their backs, Mr Bumble was taken away in the back of a police car. He was loudly protesting his innocence even as the policemen who were restraining him were trying to force him into the back of the car. At this point he seemed to snap, and started yelling that he would flog all the poor little orphans until he broke their backs when he returned. He called the orphans some most unpleasant names, and shouted out that they would all "end up in the same place as Oliver - feeding the fishes". The poor man was spitting and foaming at the mouth as the police finally managed to get him inside the car and we could still hear him shouting as the car drove off down the driveway.

After that performance, I don't think we will be seeing Mr Bumble again in a hurry. Mr Bumble's deputy, Madame Cholet, has now assumed temporary responsibility for Saint Bunty's, until the Board of the orphanage can convene in the New Year and elect a new Director. She has appointed me as her deputy.

Unfortunately, Madame Cholet came to see me only half an hour ago and told me that she was keen to get a handle on the orphanage's outgoings, and insisted that I get her written approval for any orphanage expenditure greater than 1,000. She has apparently already contacted the bank and informed them that her signature is now required to authorise all such outgoings.

This presents us with a problem regarding the processing fee. Obviously, I cannot go to Madame Cholet and tell her the details of our business. I would end up in very deep water indeed if the true state of Saint Bunty's finances came out. Believe me, the finances are in a dreadful state - I could end up in prison for false accounting.

Is there no way at all you can sort out the fee at your end? I am sure that with your contacts at the bank, you will be able to sort something out. After all, it's only for a few days, isn't it? You'll be able to pay it back almost straight away once the money has been transferred. Can't you bung one of the lackeys at the bank a couple of hundred groats and get them to be a bit creative with their accounting? I'm sure you'll be able to sort something out.

Let me know how you get on - I am relying on you. And so are all the poor little orphans.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: The processing fee

Sent: Mon, 01 Dec 2003 07:49:04 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Gilbert,

It does appear that Saint Bunty's problems are just beginning. You and I MUST ensure that the problems as they affect the finances are solved soonest.

I have read your email with a heavy heart, because, if things continue the way you expressed in your mail, then we will be unable to solve the problem posed by the processing fee requirement.

It is important that you note that I am unable to do anything about this, at the bank. I do not work there and they are aware that I know these procedures with regard to all such probate claims. It will therefore be unreasonable of me to ask anybody in the bank to do anything that will amount to a sharp practice.

I had introduced you to them as the deceased's next of kin and also ensured them of your capability to carry on the process and conclusively conclude same. It is therefore a little disappointing to me that you could ask me to take such a step, to solve a problem that needs your understanding how fundamental it is that you perform the responsibility, as expected.

I will appeal to you to make every effort to remit the needed fee to the bank and send me the needed receipt so that I could submit the documents to the bank for the final actions and approval to ensure that your indicated account receives the transfer before the end of this week.

Again, note that after paying for the deceased's death certificate and making other expenses, I CANNOT come up with the needed fee amount. You have to solve this problem for our process to move forward.

You will like to know that I have already received the completed Referee section.

The ball is now in your court.

Let me know how you fare,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: The processing fee

Sent: Mon, 01 Dec 2003 23:54:51 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

I hope that you are fine and Saint Bunty's is not in more distress.

I just checked my email but I did not find any email from you. This is unlike you.

Let me know how you are faring with raising and sending the fee to the bank.

Remember again that, this is not time for singing any discordant tones, if we MUST succeed. I need to receive the receipt of the fee from you in order to submit the documents to the bank for them to conclude the final stages and give the final approval and instructions for the transfer to your indicated account to take effect.

Anxiously waiting to read from you and to receive the fee receipt.

Have a nice day,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I am in a quandary

Sent: Tue, 02 Dec 2003 09:21:44

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your emails. The reason for my silence is that I am in a quandary - I do not know what to do. I have been sitting up for most of the night, unable to sleep, wrestling with the problems in my head. It is most distressing to hear that you will not be able to help out with the processing fee. I was relying on you.

There would have been no problem had Madame Cholet not taken over as Director of Saint Bunty's - there is still just enough money left in the orphanage's account to pay the fee required. Yet with Madame Cholet in her current position, there is no way I can access the money. What to do? This is the problem that has kept me awake for most of the night.

I must find a way to access that money. But Madame Cholet is in my way. Therefore, I see no other option but to get Madame Cholet out of the way. If Madame Cholet disappeared from the scene, I would become Director of the orphanage, and then there would be no problem.

These are desperate times, and desperate times call for desperate measures. I need to get Madame Cholet out of the way - one way or the other.

Oh, Mr Joe, help me, please - I do not know what to do! You must give me your advice - what should I do? Should I get Madame Cholet out of the way?

Get back to me as soon as you can, please.

Yours in turmoil,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Where are you, Mr Joe?

Sent: Tue, 02 Dec 2003 12:02:56

Where are you, Mr Joe? I need your advice. I have been pacing up and down in my office all morning trying to decide what to do. We are in this together Mr Joe - do not desert me now in my time of need. I need your wise counsel, now more urgently than ever.

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Where are you, Mr Joe?

Sent: Tue, 02 Dec 2003 05:12:29 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your two emails and a report of the mood you find yourself. I am not in a better mood. In my very bad mood considering that this situation MUST be resolved and urgently if we have to achieve our desired objective and fast too, I had to again rush to the court to pick another date for matters I have in court. My clients will soon begin to complain, I am sure.

As you rightly pointed out, the situation is one that MUST be solved and urgently too.

Note that you do not need to commit anything like murder to get Mrs Chollet out of the way. You must pull yourself together and let us exchange note and ideas on what to do.

A quick suggestion I could give, is that you should draw 1,000 from the orphanage account immediately and send to the bank. This way, I could submit the documents and ask the bank for some time within which both of us could plan on how you could take care of Mrs Chollet, or bring her to your side if you cannot do any more without her support.

I have made this suggestion in order for us to use one stone to kill two birds. This because, in your previous email, you informed me that Mrs Chollet MUST approve any withdrawal exceeding 1,000. But if you could get out this sum and send it to the bank and send me the receipt, I will use it to submit the documents. Our process will be kept in view and if you could draw 1,000 each day for the rest of the week, you would be able to come up with the needed amount without drawing the wrath of Mrs Chollet.

Let me know quickly how you react to my suggestion.

Meanwhile, I will go to the bank right now to inform the secretary that you will send the document before the end of tomorrow, so that by the time I receive the first remittance from you today or early tomorrow and take the documents to the bank, I would have kept my promise to the secretary and this will give me the opportunity to give an excuse that you will send the balance subsequently.

I am anxiously awaiting your decision based on my suggestion. If you also have any personal funds, you could draw the 1,000 and then add whatever personal funds you have and send the total you could raise for now, to the bank as I have suggested.

To reach me on telephone, try calling my number from your home telephone this way: 00234 80 331 25276. In place of the 00, add your IDD (International Direct Dial Code) before you dial my number. This way, I am sure that you should be able to obtain a connection to my number. This is because, it is absolutely important that we talk on telephone. I have tried calling you several times, but each time I try, the answer-back reports to me that the telephone I am calling is not in use.

Let me know how you fare.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I have solved our problem

Sent: Tue, 02 Dec 2003 18:05:44

Dear Mr Joe,

I was wracked with indecision over what to do, until I read your email. Your email made my mind up for me. Your words were clear: "use one stone to kill two birds". What excellent advice. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Well I have done it. I have taken your advice, and removed our troublesome bird from the scene. Rest assured, this bird will no longer present us with any problems. In fact she will no longer present anyone with any problems.

Inspired by the encouragement you gave me in your email, I have taken decisive action. I asked Madame Cholet to meet me in the boiler room, telling her that there was a problem with the boiler that required her attention. I got to the boiler room before her, removed the light bulb from its fitting and waited at the bottom of the steps for her. She arrived about five minutes later. Finding that the light would not work, she made her way down the steps carefully into the darkness. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, I made my move. I leaped out from behind the boiler with a sledgehammer and swung it round into her face. The heavy blow felled her instantly. As she lay on the floor groaning, I swung the sledgehammer high above my head and brought it down onto her head again and again. I kept on smashing her in the head with the sledgehammer until she stopped twitching and fell completely still and silent.

I stood there in the gloom, in shock at what I had done. But this was no time for inaction. I replaced the light bulb in its socket and mopped up the blood and mess from the floor. I then wrapped Madame Cholet's body in an old rug, hoisted it onto my shoulder and carried her body up the steps and out of the boiler room, then outside to my car. I opened the boot and placed her body inside. I then drove out a few miles into Gypping Marsh and parked in a remote spot. I opened the boot and removed the rug containing Madame Cholet's body, and dropped it into a deep ditch. I stood there and watched as it slid underneath the water into the bog, then drove back to Saint Bunty's.

Oh, Mr Joe! What have we done? I have never done anything like this before in my life! I cannot help but think of Madame Cholet's poor husband and children, who will never see their dear mother again!

On the other hand, we have done this for the good of the orphanage and all the little orphans. Madame Cholet was standing in our way, and we have now removed the problem that she presented. I could never have done this without you, Mr Joe. You provided me with the encouragement and inspiration I needed. I knew I could rely on you to show me the way.

Back to business. Tomorrow morning, when people realise that Madame Cholet has gone missing, I will assume the role of Director of Saint Bunty's. I will then be able to access the processing fee you require without any problems.

Oh, Mr Joe! I hope we have done the right thing. Do you think god will forgive us for our sins? I hope we do not burn in eternal hell for the evil we have done. I get a terrible rash in the heat.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: WISE ACTION, FANTASTIC!

Sent: Tue, 02 Dec 2003 23:12:28 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Kudos! You have made me very proud of you. You have the heart of a lion and this is exactly the status of the personality I need as a partner.

Your decision and action are completely in order, OK! You have my hundred percent support for the action you have taken.

It was a very wise decision necessitated by the need of the moment. God will forgive us definitely because rationally, it is better to be able to provide for many people, than allow one person to be a stumbling block to the source of the good life for many. God is with us! This is why he gave you the wisdom to take such a desperate action to solve a desperate situation.

Once more, I say well done for proving to me that you are worthy of me.

I look forward to your sorting out the situation and sending the fee remittance receipt to me soon so that I could submit the documents to the bank for our process to be concluded successfully as you and I desire, for the benefits of our good selves and the orphanage.

Let me know how you fare.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: What have we done?

Sent: Wed, 03 Dec 2003 09:23:37

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. Despite your enthusiastic support for the terrible crime I committed yesterday at your suggestion, I cannot help but feel that I have done something deeply wrong. Once again, I did not sleep at all last night, but sat awake all night in fear of the consequences of our actions.

At one point I thought I saw a bloody sledgehammer suspended in the air in front of my eyes. "Is this a sledgehammer I see before me?", I thought in horror. I think I must have been hallucinating from fear and lack of sleep. Also, I cannot seem to get my hands clean. They are soiled with Madame Cholet's blood, and I cannot wash it off.

All talk is of Madame Cholet's disappearance this morning. Her husband telephoned Saint Bunty's this morning to find out if anyone knew where she was. The poor man is at his wit's end, and so are their two children. I think he is going to call the police later today if she does not turn up. Which of course, as we know, she will not.

Following Madame Cholet's disappearance, I have therefore assumed the role of Director of Saint Bunty's. However, my elevation to this role does not provide me with any pleasure. Miss Macbeth, who is now my secretary, has noticed my distracted manner, and keeps asking me what is wrong. I cannot stop shaking and sweating. I have told her that I am just worried about Madame Cholet. Which, in a way, is the truth.

Oh, Mr Joe, I fear that we have made a terrible mistake! Why on earth did you urge me on to commit such a heinous crime? I do not think I will ever be able to sleep again. I only hope that you are able to deal with your guilty conscience more easily than I can, my dear friend.

At least I now have access to what little remains of Saint Bunty's funds, and will be able to get the processing fee to you in full. However, I am afraid that in my distracted state, I have lost the letter from the bank that detailed how to send the fee to them. Could you please remind me of the details?

Please respond as soon as you possibly can. I want this terrible business over and done with as soon as possible.

I must go and wash my hands again. I swear I can still see a damned spot of blood which I simply cannot wash out.

Yours guiltily,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Bank Approval and Account Closure Application Documents

Sent: Wed, 03 Dec 2003 06:38:59 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your mail.

Please try to pull yourself together to avoid your giving yourself away.

Your consolation should be that you did what you HAD to do, to save the fate of hundreds of the inmates at the orphanage. Posterity would certainly be kind to you because you will be the reason that will make good the future of the orphans.

The future President of the UK could come from the present crop of orphans in Saint Bunty's. This should be your consolation.

As for me, I do feel guilty too, but what we have to gain is enough to spur us on.

You will find the bank's letter with instructions on how you should send the fee to them. I will also surf the internet to see if I could provide any more assistance to you by sending you information on how you could contact the Western Union Money Transfer agent nearest to you.

Expect the information, if I find one on the internet now when I surf.

Meanwhile, I will expect that you should be able to send the receipt of the fee remittance to me before the end of today or early tomorrow morning so that armed with that, I could go to submit the documents at the bank for the concluding aspects of the transaction to ensure that your indicated account receives the transfer by early next week.

Best regards,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: INFORMATION

Sent: Wed, 03 Dec 2003 06:54:05 -0800 (PST)

DEAR GILBERT,

I WAS LUCKY TO GET THE CONTACT INFORMATION OF THE MAJOR AGENT OF WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER IN THE UK, FROM THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO RIGHT AWAY, IS TO CONTACT THE AGENT AND ASK FROM THEM THE NEAREST SUB AGENT OF WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER IN YOUR LOCALITY.

FROM THE LETTER OF THE BANK, I COULD SEE THAT THE BANK WANTS YOU TO SEND THE MONEY THROUGH THIS MEANS IN THE NAME OF VICTOR C OBIALOR.

I AM SURE THAT EVERY OTHER INFORMATION YOU SHOULD NEED TO SEND THE MONEY TO THE BANK CORRECTLY, SHOULD BE GIVEN TO YOU BY YOUR LOCAL AGENT WHEN YOU CONTACT THEM.

IT IS HOWEVER ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT THAT YOU AVOID GIVING OUT ANY CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION CONCERNING OUR TRANSACTION TO THE AGENT. JUST BE ON YOUR GUARD SO THAT THE AGENT DOES NOT BECOME NOSY. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN. ALREADY, YOU KNOW WHAT COMMITMENTS YOU AND I HAVE MADE TO ENSURE THAT WE SUCCEED. SO, DO NOT ALLOW ANY THIRD PARTY TO PUT US OFF OUR TRACK.

LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FARE, SOON.

VINCENT

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Thank you for the information

Sent: Wed, 03 Dec 2003 16:07:09

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for sending me all that useful information on Western Union. I have contacted the agent as you suggested and they have given me the name and address of my nearest agent - there is one in Lincoln, not far away. I will go into town first thing tomorrow morning and pay the processing fee to the bank. Don't worry about me giving out confidential information. I won't tell the agent anything... like the fact that I have murdered someone to gain access to money.

Oh my god, what was I thinking of?

I am in a terrible state, my friend. I cannot stop shaking and sweating with the fear of being discovered. I swear I can feel icy hands on my shoulders, yet when I turn around there is nobody there. And I simply cannot get my hands clean. I must have scrubbed them thirty or forty times so far today - my hands are red raw - but they are still stained with Madame Cholet's blood. If the police come to question me, they will be sure to see the damned spot and then they will know what I have done. What am I to do? I cannot stop shaking and sweating with the fear of being discovered.

I must go and wash my hands again. I will scrub harder. Out, damned spot! I will get rid of the stain of blood once and for all.

Yours worriedly,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Is there something wrong with your computer keyboard? The CAPS LOCK key appears to be stuck on.

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Thank you for the information

Sent: Wed, 03 Dec 2003 23:00:03 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your email and the information that you will send the money to the bank today and email me the receipt so that I could get the documents to the bank for our process to be quickly concluded.

I understand how you feel, but I would advise that since the deed is already done, you should put everything behind you and look ahead for the better life soon for me, you and the orphans of Saint Bunty's.

My computer keyboard is OK.

I will be waiting to receive the fee remittance receipt from you this morning, before noon so that we can get the real thing going.

Thank you also for your assurance that you will not spill the milk. Of course, this makes both of us.

Be reassured that both of us share the guilt for the blood of Madame Cholet, but this is for our general good. In literature, even Brutus had to be part of the conspiracy that got rid of Caeser, for the general good of the Roman Empire.

History and prosperity would surely vindicate you and me.

I will keep you posted of developments after I receive the receipt from you and submit everything to the bank today.

Pull yourself together and be cool, calm and collected. Don't give yourself away.

It is well!

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I have transferred the money

Sent: Thu, 04 Dec 2003 09:54:12

Dear Mr Joe,

Another night with practically no sleep. I fell into a fitful slumber at around 2am, but as soon as I was asleep, I saw a ghostly vision of Madame Cholet in the dark, blood pouring from her battered face. She was pointing straight at me with an accusing finger, shrieking "You are going to hell, Gilbert Murray! You will both burn in hell for what you have done, you and your evil African partner!"

I woke up screaming, with the bed drenched in sweat. After that, I did not dare to close my eyes, for as soon as I did so, the same gory vision appeared to me. Now, I barely dare to blink.

I am finding it difficult to keep this from Elizabeth. She is extremely worried about me and fears that I may be ailing for something. But I cannot tell her the truth. Or should I? Perhaps I should tell her the whole story. I don't know what I should do.

Anyway, to business. I drove into town first thing this morning and withdrew 6,650 from Saint Bunty's bank account - which is almost empty now - as soon as the bank opened. The cashier asked me if everything was alright - I don't think I look my best at the moment after three stressful days and nights without any sleep - but don't worry, I didn't tell her a thing about the murder.

I then went straight to the local Western Union office and transferred the money to the bank. Once again, the agent asked me if I was alright, but I fobbed her off. I found it rather difficult to fill in the form as my hands are now shaking so badly. I hope things are alright - she said she was having some problems with their computer network.

When I arrived here at Saint Bunty's, I found to my horror that the police have turned up, and that they are questioning everybody over Madame Cholet's disappearance. They will be interviewing me later today. What am I going to do? I can barely sit still, I am shaking so much. And even worse, I still cannot wash the blood from my hands!

I think I am about to have a nervous breakdown. Please Mr Joe, tell me that everything is going to be alright. I have just transferred practically all of Saint Bunty's remaining money to your bank, the police are here waiting to question me about a murder I have committed, and I dare not close my eyes for fear of seeing the accusing spectre of Madame Cholet damning us both to an eternity in hell!

I must go and wash my hands again. Please contact me as soon as you hear that the bank has collected the money successfully. Saint Bunty's is in desperate need of this cash injection as soon as possible.

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. SEND RECEIPT BY EMAIL IMMEDIATELY!

Sent: Thu, 04 Dec 2003 06:05:30 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your email and the information that you have transferred the money.

Please urgently scan and send as attachment to me by email immediately, the receipt issued to you by the Western Union agent from where you sent the money.

After reading your email, I rushed to the bank with the other documents to submit everything, and I just returned, disappointed.

The reason is that I need to submit everything together, including the receipt confirming that you have sent the money. Without this, the bank's protocol officer in whose name you sent the money (Mr Victor C Obialor), cannot clear the money, and without this happening, the operation will be stalemated.

Please, please as a matter of urgency, send the receipt to me the same way you sent the account closure application previously. This is absolutely important for our process to continue and succeed soon as both of us desire.

Concerning the situation at Saint Bunty's, I have noted that you will be interviewed by the police later today. Ensure that you explain to them that your present mood is a result of the shock you had when it became apparent that Mrs.Cholet is missing. As somebody you had worked closely with over the years, the police would naturally believe you.

To business again, please be reassured, my brother, that everything will be OK! What is very important right now, is the receipt of the fee. If I could get this from you today before the close of work, I will still be able to submit the documents and surely, by tomorrow I will be able to send you a progress report that would gladden your heart.

Once again, please be strong in your heart and keep a neutral countenance when you talk to the police. As for Elizabeth, please do not tell her about anything yet, including the business and the murder. You observed earlier that she could be frantic, I believe she could become a worse case, if you tell her the truth.

Anxiously expecting the receipt. I wish I could call you on telephone. It is faster and results could be achieved quicker with the telephone.

Be OK, my brother. Saint Bunty's will be OK financially very soon.

Love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: The receipt

Sent: Thu, 04 Dec 2003 14:23:32

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. I was disturbed to read that the bank had not yet collected the money. Unfortunately, there is no way I can send you the receipt at the moment - the police are still crawling all over Saint Bunty's, and they have set up an incident room in the office containing Saint Bunty's only scanner. I simply do not dare to go in there and scan in the receipt - they have started examining Saint Bunty's records for any evidence that may give a clue to the whereabouts of Madame Cholet, so I am keeping the receipt well away from them. I don't want to give away any details of this business.

The Western Union agent told me this morning that Mr Obialor would be able to collect the money without a copy of the receipt. I have used the test question and answer suggested by the bank, and apparently Mr Obialor simply has to state my name when he goes to his own Western Union agent. I do so hope that he will be able to collect the money quickly.

I was interviewed by the police this morning over the disappearance of Madame Cholet. I think my distracted state must have made them suspicious - I certainly got the impression that they knew more than they said they did. And I swear they kept looking at my hands, which I still have not been able to scrub clean. Midway through the interview I also developed a pronounced twitch, which I am sure made me look even more guilty than I actually feel.

However, I managed to get through the interview without mentioning anything to do with our business or Madame Cholet's brutal murder. They are now searching the entire buildings and the grounds. Apparently they are bringing in a forensics team to search for clues as well - this thought worries me deeply. I hope I scrubbed out the boiler room sufficiently well.

More problems. Due to our financial troubles, I did not pay our food supplier's invoice last month. He telephoned this morning and said that unless he receives payment by next Friday, he will not deliver any food next week to Saint Bunty's. If we cannot complete this transaction by then, the orphans will starve! Please tell Mr Obialor to collect the money and get things moving as soon as possible. My fate, and the fate of all the poor little orphans, is now in your hands!

Hands, hands I must wash my hands again and get rid of this damned spot! I don't think I can cope with everything that is going on. I am turning into a nervous wreck.

Yours frantically,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: What is going on?

Sent: Thu, 04 Dec 2003 16:47:10

Dear Mr Joe,

What is going on? Don't keep me in the dark like this! Has Mr Obialor collected the money yet? When will the bank transfer the $15 million into Saint Bunty's bank account? Things are getting desperate here Mr Joe, and I am afraid that I will not be able to cope with things for much longer. The pressure is simply getting too much for me to bear.

I drifted off to sleep at my desk in the middle of the afternoon, and yet again straight away I saw the bloodied corpse of Madame Cholet pointing an accusing finger at me and shrieking that you and I are going to burn in eternal hell! I woke up with a scream, causing Miss Macbeth and a policeman to rush into my office, to find me sweating profusely and shaking uncontrollably.

Oh, Mr Joe, I have always tried to be a good man. I may have had my faults, but I have never done anything as evil, as wicked, as obscene, as the murder you encouraged me to carry out! I do not know if I can live with myself. I really do not know. Maybe I should end it all. That would make things easier. Maybe I should end it all

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: (MTCN) CONTROL NEEDED URGENTLY/NO CAUSE FOR ALARM, BE HAPPY NOW!

Sent: Thu, 04 Dec 2003 10:22:08 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your two emails. I was away again to the bank to know if the bank has received the money but the situation is still the same because the agent here, according to the bank, in addition to your name and other details, would need the Money Transfer Control Number (MTCN) to pay out the money to Mr Obialor.

Please send this to me right now after you read this email so that first thing tomorrow morning, I will go and give the number to the bank.

The bank explained to me that the MTCN is a number peculiar to each Western Union transfer, and with this, it will be easy to clear the money you sent.

As for the receipt, it is still important that you scan and email it to me so that I could submit it to the bank because, I understand that it will be attached to your file for the final approvals, prior to the transfer to your indicated account which the bank confirmed to me would be effected as soon the necessary final processes are concluded, possibly by tomorrow after they clear the money you sent.

Please be assured that if the bank could receive the money after you send the MTCN and I give same to them, the orphanage will have enough money to pay the food supplier and even stock more and more food that will last any length of time if it is well preserved.

My brother, I want you to know that I share your present mood of despair. I advise however that you should keep holding on. It is well. Do not give yourself away to the police, nor anybody. Keep a strong spirit and be yourself.

I am sure that everything would be OK by tomorrow, and the bank should send out the transfer information of the full amount of the $15,000,000 to you before the end of tomorrow.

Again, do not despair. I am with you in spirit, and I will never desert you.

Please do not end everything as you felt and wrote in your email. It will make matters worse if you do.

Always remember that you have a brother, a friend, and a partner in progress in me.

Expecting the Money Transfer Control Number (MTCN) and the receipt, as soon as you are able to scan and email it to me.

Also expect a gladdening progress report about our business and the future of the orphanage, before the end of tomorrow.

Much much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I am in the depths of despair

Sent: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 08:54:21

Dear Mr Joe,

Another night with no sleep. Another night plagued by the bloody phantom of Madame Cholet, damning you and I to an eternity in hell as a result of our wickedness. Another day at Saint Bunty's, answering police questions, telling lies, covering up vile murder. I cannot live like this. I do not know if I can live with myself.

I cannot believe this Obialor fellow has not collected the money yet. What is his problem? Can you not impress on him the gravity of my situation?

The Western Union control number you need is 3752967354. But enough of all this palaver about needing the receipt. I have already told you, I cannot scan it in as the police have set up their incident room in the room containing the scanner. Surely your own Western Union office will give Obialor a receipt when he collects the money anyway.

Things are getting desperate. Saint Bunty's bank account is virtually empty. I need action now. If I do not hear from you by the end of today that this Obialor has collected the money from Western Union and that the $15 million is on its way into Saint Bunty's bank account, I am going to go into town, cancel the money transfer, and put the money on a horse. At least then I will have some chance of instant cash. This transaction of yours is seeming to take forever.

And if the horse falls, I may as well just kill myself. I do not think I can live with the knowledge of what I have done.

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Expect The God News Before The End of Today!

Sent: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 04:05:01 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

I have just come from the bank to check if you have written any more emails and finding none, I am going back to the bank right now again to wait on them for the transfer information of the $15,000,000 to your indicated account.

I had earlier taken the Western Union control number to them and they confirmed what you said in your email to me, that the Western Union agent here should issue a receipt which will suffice.

I will advise that you be patient and wait for further information from me. If you have sent the money as you said, a sure that by the time I get back to the bank in a few minutes after sending you this email, Mr Obialor should have come back from clearing the money at the agent's office here and I assure you that I will remain in the bank until I receive the good news of the transfer and pass on the same information to you by email, as usual.

In fact, I will scan any documents of the transfer to your indicated account, I receive from the bank and email same to you.

Note that I am as anxious as you are for our process to be quickly concluded. You should however remember that I do not work in the bank, so I have to wait on them to carry out their own processes at their own pace.

It should be enough for you to believe that I will send you the transfer information today, as soon as it is carried out.

Expect the information.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: This is excellent news

Sent: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 12:26:47

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. I am overjoyed to hear that things are progressing at last. I am waiting here on the edge of my seat in anticipation - please get back to me as soon as you know when I can expect the $15 million to be deposited in Saint Bunty's bank account.

Yours in eager anticipation,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: RESPONSE NEEDED VERY VERY URGENT

Sent: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 06:52:52 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

How are you today and how is your family? I sincerely hope that you are fine.

I am writing to let you know that the bank protocol officer Mr Victor C Obialor just returned from the Western Union office to inform us that there is no transaction and neither the control number nor the name of sender could be confirmed in the Western Union computer system.

Could you please check from your agent to find out exactly what the problem is and correct it immediately so that Mr Victor C Obialor can collect the money and the processing of the application concluded?

Please note that delay can be very dangerous in any transaction particularly in transaction of this magnitude. Also note that you should split the money into 2 places in the same name. This is because of government restrictions on foreign exchange transactions.

Please act immediately so that this transaction can be concluded without further delay.

Expecting your urgent response.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Sorry for the mix-up

Sent: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 15:09:37

Dear Mr Joe,

I was unpleasantly surprised to receive your email, and to hear that Mr Obialor was unable to access the money. I got straight on the telephone to my local Western Union agent and explained the problem to them. The agent apologised profusely, and told me that they had experienced a number of similar problems in the past week due to technical faults in the Western Union computer network.

The agent checked her computer system and found that there was indeed a fault with the money transfer - it had not gone through, but had got "stuck" in the system. She rectified the fault immediately, and very kindly offered to refund the fee I had to pay her for making the money transfer, to make up for my inconvenience.

The agent assured me that Mr Obialor will now be able to collect the money without any problems. To be on the safe side, she also gave me a telephone number that your local Western Union agent should call if they still have problems with this transfer. This should not be necessary, but if your Western Union agent still encounters problems, please get them to call +44 (0)20 74088091 (this is a London number) and give full details of the money transfer, including Mr Obialor's name and address. They should then be able to sort everything out.

Once more, please accept my apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you. I trust that Mr Obialor will be able to return to the Western Union office as soon as possible to collect the money. I am desperate to get things moving as soon as possible.

Please contact me as soon as the money is in the bank's possession. Things are getting critical here and I am going out of my mind with worry.

Gilbert Murray

The telephone number given is that of the US Secret Service within the US Embassy in London. The US Secret Service is actively trying to stamp out advance fee fraud.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: What is going on at your end?

Sent: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 17:01:39

Dear Mr Joe,

What on earth is going on at your end? Has Mr Obialor collected the money from the Western Union office yet or not? When can I expect the $15 million to be transferred into Saint Bunty's account? You must keep me informed as to what is going on.

Things are getting desperate here. The police are still crawling all over the place, interviewing the orphans and looking for clues that might lead them to Madame Cholet, the orphanage has run out of money and is running out of food, and I am feel like I am losing my mind.

Little orphan Annie came to me again today and asked for further reassurance that Father Christmas was going to visit the orphanage this year: she is still afraid that Father Christmas will not call and leave any presents. If this transaction is not completed very soon, a lack of presents will be the least of her worries.

Please, Mr Joe, you must tell me what is going on. If that Obialor chap hasn't got back to the Western Union office yet, tell him to shake a leg, for god's sake. The fate of Saint Bunty's rests on your shoulders, Mr Joe. Do not let down all the little orphan boys and girls.

I need results, and I need them quickly. If Obialor and the rest of his cronies at the bank cannot get their act together, I will have to cancel the money transfer and reconsider my options. Given all the police action around here at the moment, a one-way ticket to Brazil sounds particularly appealing right now.

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Situation Report: Everything Will Be OK By Tomorrow!

Sent: Fri, 05 Dec 2003 14:36:38 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your emails. I advise you to try your best to be fine. Everything will be OK by tomorrow.

Thanks also for the correction your agent has made to the Western Union transfer you sent to the bank, after realising that the original mistake was hers.

Please note that at the time I received your email explaining the mistake and correction, it was already gone past the time the bank could clear the money from the local agent here. Maybe, it is important to inform you that the Western Union service here is not 24 hours, as I suppose it might be in the UK.

However, the bank has assured me that since they work a half day on Saturdays, the money would be cleared tomorrow morning and necessary actions taken to ensure that the transfer of the $15,000,000 is effected to your indicated account before noon on Monday.

As I earlier assured you, I will scan and email the transfer information to you same Monday, as soon as I receive the document to this effect from the bank.

As for Little Annie and all the remaining orphans in Saint Bunty's, please reassure them that Father Christmas WILL surely come to Saint Bunty's this Yuletide, and it will be marvellous for all of them.

I want to express my personal and sincere appreciation to you, for all your efforts so far to see that our process is conclusively concluded.

The bank is also under pressure to ensure that everything is OK. This is because they treat every such inheritance claim passionately. Be assured again and again that, positive results will be communicated to you soonest.

I am also personally gratified that come the early days of the next week, you WOULD smile to the bank to confirm the transfer of the $15,000,000 to your indicated account.

I will again advise that your local Western Union agent should check again first thing tomorrow morning to be sure that there are no more discrepancies, to make assurance double sure that Mr Obialor of the bank here and the bank would have no more difficulties in clearing the money you sent.

I will keep you informed of developments.

Happy night rest.

Much much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Please keep me informed of developments

Sent: Sat, 06 Dec 2003 09:39:51

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email and for your reassurance that Mr Obialor will collect the money from his Western Union agent today. This is excellent news. Unless we can get that $15 million into Saint Bunty's bank account early next week, we will be in dire straits. I might even have to consider selling some of the younger orphans over the internet again. We did try that once before, but it wasn't very successful. People kept on sending them back and asking for refunds if they were naughty.

Yet another sleepless night, plagued by the shrieking bloody spectre of Madame Cholet whenever I close my eyes. Elizabeth is extremely worried about me now. I am a physical and mental wreck. This whole business has ruined me. Tell me, are you able to sleep at night, with the knowledge of the wicked deeds we have carried out during this transaction?

Thankfully I have managed to keep the police off the scent, but it has not been easy. I do not know how much longer I can keep up this pretence with them.

Please let me know as soon as Mr Obialor has collected the money.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Has the bank collected the money?

Sent: Sat, 06 Dec 2003 17:07:32

Dear Mr Joe,

What is going on? Has the bank collected the money? I have been waiting for an email from you all day. Please do not keep me in suspense. All the little orphans are depending on you.

I am on tenterhooks - email me as soon as you can, please my dear friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Has the bank collected the money? Not Yet!

Sent: Sat, 06 Dec 2003 12:10:48 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your emails. I was unable to mail you since because of the suspense I was facing and my desire to communicate the good news to you. In fact, when it became apparent that no progress would be made today, I retired to my home to take some nap, in order to be in the right mood before I write to you. I was wretched when it became obvious that I couldn't communicate the good news to you today.

I am happy that you have been able to keep the law (police) out of the scene. This is important for us to be able to settle down and push the transaction through.

The bank is yet to collect the money. The good news however, is that the bank is as much under pressure as you and I are.

Today was another day of anguish. This is because according to the bank, the other offices of the Western Union agent don't work on Saturdays. It is only the head office that works on Saturdays. Unfortunately, our case was referred to be attended to on Monday.

I have therefore given the telephone number of your agent to the bank and the bank gave me a promise that if Mr Obialor is still unable to collect the money when he arrives at the agent's office on Monday, he will give the number to the local agent here and request him to call your agent to resolve the problem.

Another promise the bank made to me today is that as soon as they are able to clear the money, the process would be concluded within two hours and the $15,000,000 will be on its way to your indicated account.

I hope to give you the good news before 2.00pm on Monday.

Do have a nice weekend.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I await your good news

Sent: Sun, 07 Dec 2003 23:03:22

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. Although I am disappointed that Mr Obialor has not been able to collect the money from his Western Union agent yet, I am pleased to hear that he will be collecting it tomorrow.

Please inform me as soon as you hear that Mr Obialor has the money in his hands. If Saint Bunty's does not receive the money this week, we will have to throw the poor little orphans out on the streets.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: OFF TO THE BANK!

Sent: Mon, 08 Dec 2003 00:35:09 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

I know your weekend must have been filled with anxiety like mine.

Thanks for your email. I am off to the bank right now and I hope to communicate the good news to you as soon as the transfer is on its way to your indicated account.

Meanwhile, as I will be in the bank until I confirm that the money you sent has been collected. I want to advise you to also keep a tab on your own Western Union agent to ensure that he is on the ground to attend to the agent here when he calls him.

This is because, as at the last count, report from the bank here was that the transaction was yet to reflect in the computer of the local agent here. If this remains the situation this morning, then the last option would be your suggestion that the local agent here calls your agent on the number you indicated.

Expecting that everything will go well let us hope for the best today.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I am praying for a quick conclusion to this transaction

Sent: Mon, 08 Dec 2003 09:03:51

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. My weekend was indeed full of anxiety. I still have not slept a wink since I murdered Madame Cholet, and am now shaking almost uncontrollably.

I fear that my lack of sleep is also causing me to hallucinate in my waking hours - not only do I see the spectre of Madame Cholet when I close my eyes, I have now seen her regularly out of the corner of my eye while I am awake. Is it merely the lack of sleep, or is the ghost of Madame Cholet haunting me? I am afraid, Mr Joe. Very afraid. And I still cannot wash the damned spot of blood from my hands.

The police are back here at Saint Bunty's to continue their investigation. I am to be interviewed again later today, unfortunately. I hope I can keep it together and maintain the tissue of lies that I have been telling them so far. But I fear it will not be long before I crack.

Time is now of the essence, Mr Joe. The orphanage is running out of food. We need this money by the end of the week without fail. The fate of the orphans is now in your more than capable hands.

Incidentally, the telephone number given me by the Western Union agent is not that of my local agent; apparently it is the number of their Headquarters in London. I checked again with the agent first thing this morning, and the transaction is definitely in their system. She said that there were some remaining internet connectivity problems in areas of their network which could cause the transaction not to appear on the agent's screen. However, she assured me that if this was the case, a call to the London Headquarters would sort out any problems within a matter of minutes.

I look forward to hearing the good news.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: VERY VERY URGENT: TAKE ADVISED ACTION IMMEDIATELY!

Sent: Mon, 08 Dec 2003 07:27:33 -0800 (PST)

Gilbert,

Again, and again, you have made me look foolish before the executive officers of EcoBank International Plc.

The protocol officer of the bank, Mr Obialor, went to the local Western Union agent again without any results. The verdict continues to be that there is no such transaction in their system.

I had been in the bank since morning, but after his first unsuccessful visit at the agent's office, and following your continued emails which gave me the confidence that you are saying the truth, especially considering the circumstances under which you have been for some days now, I decided to accompany him to the agent's office. The result was the same!

I personally insisted to the local agent to call the number you indicated and he did, but the telephone was, according to him, on answering machine and directed him to call another given number. The local agent also confirmed as you did in your email that the number was not that of the agent in Lincoln. He gave me the Lincoln agents' numbers as 2542888 and 2512652 for the two respective agents in Lincoln.

In fact, as a result of these developments, the bank's protocol officer, Mr Obialor, who felt highly let down, pronounced that you did not send any money at all and that you might have been playing games. I realised that this impression, if he communicated same to his bank's management, could be very dangerous for our transaction. Therefore, I insisted to him that I will make further inquiries through the local agent.

On my further inquiry, the local agent asked me to make the following suggestions to you:

To split the transaction into two and send from your local agent, and scan and send the receipt containing the control number as evidence.
To withdraw the money from your local agent since their internet network is unreliable and split the amount and send the money in two transactions from another agent whose connection is sufficiently linked up so that the transactions would reflect on the screen of the local agent here.

The idea to split the money into two and send is to ensure that the transaction is not affected by prevailing foreign exchange legislation. The bank has never mentioned this as a possible problem, but the agent's explanations to me imply this. It could therefore be possible that the fact that you sent the money as a single transaction, might be the problem, hence the wisdom in the advice of the local agent here that you split it and send as two transactions with the same information given to you by the bank. The only difference would be in the control number, as according to him, no two transactions have the same control number.

Note that, personally, I still have confidence in you and believe that you actually sent the money. But, in the name of God, if you know that all what you have been telling me are cooked up stories, I advise that you come open, and let me know the truth. In fact, even as I write to you right now, I believe strongly in my heart, that you are serious and mean everything you have told me about your predicaments and the present state of Saint Bunty's. If however, the situation and your stories mean otherwise, this would be most unfortunate and very unfair to me and the bank.

Let me have the control numbers of the transaction which you will split into two and send after you read this email. It is also important that you send the receipts to me. As soon as I have these, we could be sure that Saint Bunty's would have enough money, say, by the end of Wednesday, to stock as much food as it deems necessary.

Anxiously awaiting your quick corrective action for us to succeed as fast as we desire.

Yours truly,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I was shocked to read your email

Sent: Mon, 08 Dec 2003 15:56:48

Dear Mr Joe,

I have just read your email. I am shocked and offended that Mr Obialor seems to be doubting my word. Deeply shocked, and deeply offended. I cannot believe that this man is blaming ME for Western Union's technical difficulties. I have worked tirelessly to ensure that this transaction works for both of us, and it appals me that this mere bank official has the temerity to doubt my word. I am an Englishman - my word is my bond.

However, I can appreciate that this has put you in a difficult position, and for that I offer you my most sincere apologies.

I will do exactly as you say. I will go into town right now, cancel the existing money transfer and make two, smaller transfers. I will then send you the control numbers of both transactions, and send you the receipts as well. It may be difficult to get access to the scanner, but by god, it seems that I will just have to find a way. I need this transaction to succeed as soon as possible, and these delays are terrifying me - the consequences could be disastrous.

I was interviewed again by the police today. I think they suspect something. I think my distracted manner and constant shaking must have made them suspicious. This time I was interviewed by two police officers at the same time. They interviewed me for over two hours without a break and refused me even a glass of water. They asked me long and detailed questions about my relationship with Madame Cholet, and also about the finances of Saint Bunty's. They are planning to investigate the finances this very week! This is dreadful news - now that I have transferred the processing fee over to the bank, Saint Bunty's bank account is completely empty!

Worse still, I kept on glimpsing a bloody apparition of Madame Cholet out of the corner of my eye. She was standing at the side of the interview table, pointing at me and shrieking "He did it! He murdered me and dumped my body in the marsh! Him and his wicked African friend are to blame! They will both burn in hell!" Thankfully, neither of the officers seemed able to see the ghost, although they did ask me why I kept on flinching away from the side of the table. I do wish this apparition would go away and leave me alone - it seems to be shadowing me wherever I go. I see it more and more often now in my waking hours. Soon I fear that it will be with me all the time.

However, despite all this, I think you would have been proud of me, Mr Joe. I did not give anything away. I am sure that the police are still suspicious, but I did not mention anything about the murder, or about our transaction, even when one of the policemen threatened to slam my testicles in the drawer of the desk.

I will get back to you as soon as I return from the Western Union agent. Trust me, Mr Joe, I will come through for both of us and make Mr Obialor eat his words.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: New transfers made. Receipt attached

Sent: Mon, 08 Dec 2003 16:52:32

Dear Mr Joe,

I am a man of my word. As soon as I had responded to your last email, I dropped everything I was doing, postponed a few beatings, and made my way into town to the Western Union agent as fast as my Morris Marina would take me, the spectre of Madame Cholet by my side in the passenger seat, shrieking insults and damnation at me all the way. I parked directly outside the Western Union agent, ran inside, and cancelled the money transfer. I then got back into my car, headed to the other agent a few streets away (Going Places, a travel agency and bureaux de change), and again parked the car directly outside.

I then made two separate money transfers: both for 3,325. The control numbers for these transfers are 3752969588 and 3752969589. I explained the problems that I had experienced with the other agent, and this new agent assured me that although the Western Union network was not quite back up to its usual level of reliability, the transfers have been made.

The new agent gave me the same telephone number to pass on to you, in case you experienced problems accessing the money again. However, I explained to him that you had tried calling this number and you had got through to an answering machine. Therefore, the agent gave me an alternative number: +44(0) 20 72311220. He assured me that if you experienced any problems, there would definitely be someone on the end of the line who would be able to give you exactly what you need.

As soon as I had completed my business with the Western Union agent, I rushed outside, got back in my car, and drove hell for leather back to Saint Bunty's. Luckily, there were no policemen in the room with the scanner, so I quickly scanned in the first Western Union receipt. Unfortunately, a policeman returned before I could scan in the second receipt, so I made my excuses and left.

I have attached the receipt I scanned in to this email for you. Hopefully this will be enough to persuade the doubting Mr Obialor that I am indeed a man of my word.

I suggest that Mr Obialor makes his way to his local Western Union agent immediately to collect the money. And I expect a full apology from him once he has done so. I will not stand for people calling me a liar.

Please get back to me as soon as Obialor has collected the money. More than ever, time is now of the essence.

Gilbert Murray

Gilbert's forged Western Union receipt

The telephone number given is that of the Fraud Squad in London.

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: New transfers made. Receipt attached

Sent: Mon, 08 Dec 2003 09:58:54 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

Thanks for your two email which you sent in quick succession to show that you are a man of your words.

I too am all for putting Mr Obialor to shame. I have always believed you and I will ever do, knowing as I do what has gone into our efforts to actualise the business, including poor Madame Cholet's blood which is also haunting me as it is disturbing you by the seconds.

I have received the information of the fresh transfer you made from the other agent, and also noted the number volunteered by the agent, in case it becomes necessary for the agent here to contact him.

Meanwhile, it is evening here and all Western Union offices are closed for the day. Therefore, I will leave everything I should do tomorrow morning and rush to the bank again as I did today, to hand in the information you have sent, to the bank for proper action.

Rest assured that the pressure would be on the bank, as soon as the money is cleared. I will be responsible for all the pressure they will face tomorrow until the $15,000,000 is on its way to the account you have indicated. I promise you again that I shall not leave the bank and its officers alone until the deed is done and I would joyfully communicate the information to you.

Be reassured that though I am several thousand miles away from you physically, I am with you in spirit and in truth.

Once again, I appreciate all your efforts and commitments. Let us hope for the best tomorrow.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I look forward to hearing that the bank has the money

Sent: Mon, 08 Dec 2003 19:42:18

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email, and for your kind words of support. I am pleased to hear that you are behind me 100%. I have to say, this has been the most difficult period of my life. I have never experienced stress like this before. Your support is therefore much appreciated.

Unfortunately, the police are planning to interview me again tomorrow. I am afraid that they might start to take an even harder line with their questioning, and that they might follow through with their threats regarding my testicles and the desk drawer. If they do so, I do not know how long I will be able to hold out without telling them something incriminating.

I look forward to hearing good news from you tomorrow. Please pray for the wellbeing of the orphans at Saint Bunty's tonight, my dear friend. And pray for the wellbeing of my testicles while you're at it.

Yours in fear,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The bank has not received the money yet. Take urgent action to resolve the situation

Sent: Tue, 09 Dec 2003 05:41:25 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr Gilbert Murray,

Thanks for your email. How are you today and how is your family? I hope that you are all fine.

I am writing to inform you that the bank's protocol officer, Mr Victor C Obialor, is still having problems with accessing the transfer made by you.

Up till this moment that I am writing to you, the money transfer control numbers 3752969588 and 3752969589 cannot be confirmed in the Western Union system over here.

I really wonder the kind of Western Union agent that you used to send the money and why the control numbers cannot be confirmed in the system.

All efforts to contact the agent on the telephone number 44(0)207 2311 220 also proved abortive with the phone ringing continuously without reply.

Could you please call Mr Victor C Obialor on his own telephone, +234 80 33210108, as soon as you find out what the problem is with the transfer and rectify same accordingly.

Note that these delays could affect your indicated account receiving the transfer before this weekend, as both of us very much desire, in order to keep Saint Bunty's afloat again.

Expecting your urgent positive response.

Regards,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I don't know what else I can do!

Sent: Tue, 09 Dec 2003 13:58:02

Dear Mr Joe,

I despair!

I don't know what else I can do!

I have just called my local Western Union agent and they have confirmed to me that the money has been transferred, is in the Western Union system, and is waiting to be collected!

Are you sure this Mr Obialor knows what he's doing? I would have thought that collecting the money would be a simple matter. Does the bank not have someone else available, perhaps with a few more brain cells at their disposal?

If this Obialor is a friend of yours, then I apologise for being so candid, but I am extremely annoyed that the man seems incapable of completing a simple monetary transaction. These delays are unforgivable.

Perhaps we are going about this in the wrong way. I will look into an alternative means of getting the money to you. A simpler way, if possible - one that Mr Obialor will be able to understand.

I will get back to you later today.

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I don't know what else I can do!

Sent: Tue, 09 Dec 2003 06:14:28 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

I have just read your email and my confidence in your honesty increases.

Mr Obialor is not my friend, but an officer of the bank. I strongly advise that you should call him or give his number to your agent to call him and let him know what to do to clear the money as quickly as possible before the day ends without our achieving our goal of the transfer being on its way to your indicated account. The number of Mr Obialor again, is +234 80 33210108.

I have noted that you will advise me accordingly if you think up any possible and quicker alternative should the situation remain the same after today.

It is also absolutely important that you confirm from your agent that the transfers are in the system and could be accessed here in Nigeria. Please find a way to call me for a discussion, or you let me have your cell phone number so that I could call and talk with you. This is very important. My number is:+234 80 331 25276.

I am still waiting for the process here to move ahead before I conclude and send the contract to you. Please bear with me.

Lets keep hoping for the best today.

Much love,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I have transferred the money using an alternative method

Sent: Tue, 09 Dec 2003 15:29:32

Dear Mr Joe,

I am a man of action. After sending my last email to you, I dropped everything (again) and drove into town as fast as I could (again). I went straight to the Western Union agent, explained the situation, and cancelled the transfer.

I then went with the money directly to my bank and talked to my bank manager, Nat West. Don't worry; I did not tell Mr West anything about the nature of our business. I simply told him that I needed to transfer a sum of money as quickly as possible to a business contact in Nigeria, and asked him how best I could achieve this.

Mr West, whose advice has always been sound, suggested that I transfer the money using the Guaranteed International Money Provision Service (GIMPS). This costs a little more than a standard bank transfer, but apparently using GIMPS means that the money is transferred instantly - it is similar in this respect to Western Union. However, as the money moves directly from one bank account into another, it is more secure than Western Union. And apparently the GIMPS network is used by banks worldwide, so Mr Obialor will be able to collect the money at his own bank if he wishes. Alternatively, he will be able to go to any other bank and access the money via the GIMPS network. As Mr Obialor works for a bank, he is probably well aware of the GIMPS network already.

I have therefore taken Mr West's advice, and transferred 6,650 to Mr Obialor. As I have transferred it using GIMPS, he can collect the money today, by following the steps below.

Mr Obialor must go to any bank - either his own bank, or another bank - and ask the cashier for a GIMPS form. He must fill in the following details on the form, as well as details of the bank account into which he wants to transfer the money. The cashier will then be able to access the money via the GIMPS network, and transfer it into the nominated account instantly:

Sending account name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Account number: 74053275

Sort code: 21-38-19

Account holding bank: Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK

GIMPS code: 23F-57T-674G

Please let me know as soon as Mr Obialor has been able to collect the money. And please, Mr Joe, ask Mr Obialor to try not to mess things up this time - I am getting extremely tired of this endless faffing around.

I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible.

Yours in frustration,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have transferred the money using an alternative method

Sent: Tue, 09 Dec 2003 08:29:14 -0800 (PST)

My dear brother and friend Gilbert,

Thanks for your email and your fresh and most intelligent initiative.

I just read and printed out your email with the transfer information for onward delivery to the bank before the close of work today.

Right now however, I am in an emergency meeting with a client of mine who came to protest about my abandoning his matter in court (of course you will understand, the transaction is more important to me than his court case). I need to appease him a little. Immediately after this, I will rush to the bank to deliver the email you sent to the bank manager himself, Mr Tanko Mahmood, and give him express instructions to ensure that every necessary action is take first thing tomorrow morning by his bank to clear the money and conclude the transfer process to your indicated account.

I will also not fail to put it to him that his bank has severely embarrassed me and you, the next of kin to the deceased Mr Mark Murray.

I will also look for a way to talk to Mr Obialor in a way that will make him understand that maybe he is not fit for the role and duties his bank has assigned him because what he achieves are only disappointments.

I wish to thank you again and again for your honesty and forthrightness.

I will give you a feed back early tomorrow.

Have a very relaxed night rest.

Much much love,

Vincent

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I am praying for a quick conclusion to this transaction

Sent: Tue, 09 Dec 2003 19:17:41

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. I am delighted to hear that you will be involving Mr Mahmood in this transaction rather than Mr Obialor, who has disappointed us so much so far. If Mr Mahmood is cut from the same cloth as my own bank manager, Nat West, I am sure that he will be able to bring this transaction to a successful conclusion without any problems.

I do hope that you are not in too much trouble with your client, my dear friend. Please accept my heartfelt apologies if anything I have done has caused you the least bit of trouble.

I appreciate your hope that I should have a good night's rest. Unfortunately, I fear that this is extremely unlikely. I have not slept a wink since I murdered Madame Cholet. I do not know when I shall be able to sleep again.

I look forward very much to hearing from you tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: OFF TO THE BANK AGAIN

Sent: Tue, 09 Dec 2003 23:57:05 -0800 (PST)

Dearest Gilbert,

Thanks for your email. I hope you really slept well last night.

Thank you also for your concern over my client's protest. It is well.

I will leave for the bank again immediately after sending out this email to you.

I am very confident that the situation should be resolved to our joy and happiness today. This is more so, because I will involve the bank manager and with your promise that the GIMPS could work in their bank, this is the perfect solution to the lingering stalemate in our process.

I will send you an email immediately I receive the transfer information of the $15,000,000 to your indicated account today from the bank.

Expect the god news.

Best regards,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I look forward to hearing from you

Sent: Wed, 10 Dec 2003 09:26:18

Dear Mr Joe,

Thank you for your email. I do so hope that the GIMPS at the bank will be able to expedite this transaction quickly today.

Yet again, I have spent an entire night without sleep. I feel that my body and mind are both on the verge of total collapse. The police are going to interview me yet again today. I am worried, my friend. Very worried. I am sure that they know something. I will have to do my best to keep my cool, but it is getting more and more difficult by the day. I fear that I may crack under close questioning.

Incidentally, you told me in your last email to "expect the god news". I am confused. Have you suddenly found religion? Regardless, I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: GIMPS UNAVAILABLE HERE, WESTERN UNION, THE ONLY VIABLE OPTION FOR QUICK CONCLUSION OF PROCESS

Sent: Wed, 10 Dec 2003 02:49:42 -0800 (PST)

My dear Gilbert,

Thanks for your email and the correction. I meant to write "good" and mistakenly wrote "god", OK. This is part of the fall out of the heat and pressure under which you and I find ourselves in the present moment. Believe it, I believe in God. How about you? This is an aside though.

I just came from the bank and against the bank manager's decision to write you an official letter, I held a discussion with him, and decided to rush to my office to communicate the information he wanted to write to you about by email to buy time so that things could be concluded today, if you co-operate.

According to the bank manager, Mr Tanko Mahmood, the GIMPS service is not available here in Nigeria. He therefore advised that you should withdraw the money again, from your bank and go to a Western Union agent whose transactions could be confirmed here in Nigeria and send the money as you did before in two transactions. That is, you should split the money into two as you said you did earlier, and send the money by Western Union.

Mr Mahmood explained that the Western Union service from the UK is superb and wondered what could have gone wrong with the transactions you made recently.

As you well know my friend Gilbert, I am not a banker and cannot fault the suggestion of the highly esteemed bank manager. His bank is one of the most respected banks here in Nigeria and even has branches all over West Africa. Just like you respect Mr Nat West, I do have deep respect for Mr Mahmood.

I will therefore advise that you do exactly as he has advised in order for us to conclude the transaction and for the transfer to be in your indicated account, latest by this Friday.

Mr Mahmood who explained further that his bank treats everything concerning a genuine probate claim such as you have with his bank with compassion, still wonders why on two different occasions the transfers you made could not be confirmed in the Western Union system. His own impression is neither here nor there because I trust with all my heart that you made the transactions you said you made. I believe that the problem must have come from the erratic network of the agents in your locality.

I do sincerely appreciate all your efforts and the stress you are going through to ensure that everything is OK with our transaction. I will therefore appeal to you to go the extra mile and get things finally sorted out this morning and send the transfer information, such as the receipt and control numbers of the two transactions to me so that I could submit same to the bank for Mr Obialor to pick up the money today.

Be assured that this done, I will mount very severe pressure on the bank and Mr Mahmood to make sure that the transfer of the $15,000,000 is effected to your indicated account today.

I am waiting in my office for the Western Union information.

Yours truly,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I have very nearly come to the end of my tether

Sent: Wed, 10 Dec 2003 12:03:02

Dear Mr Joe,

I am a patient man. But this is ridiculous. I have never been messed about so much in all my life.

What is wrong with the people who work at this bank? Does nobody there have more than two brain cells to rub together? It sounds to me like they are all one leg short of a chair. For god's sake, these bank officials are turning what should be a simple business into a complete farce.

I have bent over backwards to do all I can to make this transaction go through smoothly and quickly. And yet time and again, these cretins find a new way to foul up our business. I cannot afford to keep dashing out of work like I have done over the past two days; the police are growing ever more suspicious. Nevertheless, it seems that this is exactly what I shall have to do.

I will contact you this afternoon once I am back at Saint Bunty's, having cancelled the GIMPS transaction and set up two further Western Union transactions.

Hopefully we can still get this money transferred by the end of today, as the situation here is now absolutely critical. The police are drawing their net ever closer following the disappearance of Madame Cholet, Saint Bunty's has run out of money and is fast running out of food, and I am going out of my mind, being harangued and barracked constantly by the bloody spectre of the woman you prompted me to murder. Not only is the survival of over a hundred little orphans at stake, but so is my sanity.

If I do not hear that someone from the bank has collected the money by the end of tomorrow, I will have no alternative but to cancel the GIMPS transaction, use the money to buy myself a one-way ticket to Rio, and get the hell out of here. I cannot afford to put up with any more of these farcical delays from your end.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Yet more Western Union transactions made

Sent: Wed, 10 Dec 2003 13:42:21

Dear Mr Joe,

I have done it. I went into town, cancelled the GIMPS transfer (much to the consternation of Nat West, who is beginning to wonder what is going on), then went back to the Western Union agent and made two more transfers. The Western Union agent is now also wondering what on earth is going on.

Luckily when I returned to Saint Bunty's, the police were on their lunch break. This time I have managed to scan in both receipts. The control numbers you need are on the receipts.

These people at the bank had better get their act together this time, because I am not doing this again. I have more than enough on my plate at the moment without the obstacles these fools are placing in my way.

Gilbert Murray

Gilbert's second forged Western Union receipt

Gilbert's third forged Western Union receipt

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Disastrous news!

Sent: Wed, 10 Dec 2003 16:05:57

Dear Mr Joe,

I am in a state of panic. The police have just announced that they have dragged Gypping Marsh and have found the body of Madame Cholet! This is now not just a missing persons investigation, but a murder investigation! And we both know who the guilty parties are: you and I!

I was so shocked by the news that I nearly fainted when Miss Macbeth told me about it. Madame Cholet's ghost, which is now by my side constantly, is delighted at the news - she keeps on telling me that the noose is drawing tighter and that I am going to go to rot in hell. I was starting to get used to having the spectre as a constant companion, finding myself able to ignore it most of the time, but it is now so loud and boisterous that I cannot ignore it any more.

I am terrified that as soon as the police forensics team start work on Madame Cholet's body, they will find some clue to link me to her murder.

I must get out of here. I cannot stay here much longer. Tell me, Mr Joe, is there an extradition treaty between Nigeria and the United Kingdom?

And tell me, has the bank collected the money yet?

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Disastrous news!

Sent: Wed, 10 Dec 2003 09:18:58 -0800 (PST)

My dear brother,

Thank you so much for your emails today, and the Western Union receipts for the two transactions.

I had to rush out to deliver the receipts to the bank, and wanted to reply you with the positive news of the major transfer to your indicated account, but this seems never to be because for the umpteenth time, they have been unable to collect the money down here for the reason that, according the protocol officer of the bank, the Western Union agent here said the transactions are yet to reflect in their system.

I had to leave the bank, in anguish and frustration as the situation did not give me any opportunity to impress on the bank manager who is now very disturbed about the whole situation, to make the transfer to your account today.

According to Mr Obialor, the agent said he should come to his office again, tomorrow morning at 9am, to check if the transaction would be in their system by that time tomorrow.

Again, I must leave everything and be at the bank tomorrow because this transaction is more important to me than any other thing in this world, except maybe, my life.

Concerning the developments at Saint Bunty's, my advice is that you must not crack. You must make ever effort to stay afloat both in mood and composure. You will agree with me that if you give out anything right now, we will be done for, including the transaction.

I sympathise with you very deeply and wish I could physically share part of your predicament right now. Please do your very best to hold out. We will both tell stories with this when we come together after the transaction.

Nigeria do have an extradition treaty with the UK, but frankly, I need to check the legislation again to feed you exactly the provisions.

I will see what I could do about this before this weekend.

Expect another situation report from me, by tomorrow.

Good night,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: This is unbelievable

Sent: Wed, 10 Dec 2003 19:13:33

Dear Mr Joe,

I have just read your email in disbelief. How is this possible? No matter which way we turn, the hound of fate places another steaming turd in our path.

I pray to god that the bank officials will be able to collect the money I have transferred to them when they return to the Western Union agent first thing tomorrow. If not, I fear that events may soon overtake us.

Madame Cholet's bloody spectre is standing behind me as I write this, looking over her shoulder at the words I am typing and chuckling to herself. I never believed in the spirit world until this horrendous sequence of events unfolded around me. Now I fear that I may be stuck with the ghost of Madame Cholet by my side for the rest of my life. Indeed - the spirit is nodding in agreement as I type these words.

I wonder if the spirits themselves have some part to play in this disaster? Perhaps we are both doomed. Again, she nods her head in agreement.

Please, Mr Joe, I beg you, send me good news tomorrow. I cannot take much more of this. My nerves are in shreds.

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: This is unbelievable

Sent: Wed, 10 Dec 2003 21:26:53 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

Thanks for your email.

I committed murder in my dream last night and since 3am when I woke up after the nightmare, I have not slept again.

In fact the little boy I killed by pounding him in a mortter, came face to face with me while I was awake and held me down, but I tried and freed myself and rushed to me office to tell you about it.

My hope is that the bank clears the money today for the concluding parts of the business to be on course.

Regards,

Vincent

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: A dreadful development

Sent: Thu, 11 Dec 2003 09:53:01

Dear Mr Joe,

Oh, woe! The police have just announced a dreadful development in this unfolding saga! Apparently Madame Cholet's husband, Tobermory, has just been found dead with his two little children, Orinoco and Tomsk. It seems that he could not bear the news that his wife's body had been found, and drove his two young boys out to a remote part of Gypping Marsh, where he gassed them all in his car. He apparently left a suicide note, which said that he could not live without his dear wife, and he did not want his children to have to grow up without their mother.

Oh, Mr Joe! This would not have happened had you not persuaded me to kill Madame Cholet! We now have not one death on our hands, but four!

Let us only hope that the bank have some success this morning. Otherwise, I do not know what to do. Have you tried calling the telephone numbers I gave you yourself? Maybe you would be able to expedite matters with more success than the bank officials.

Oh, woe is me!

Gilbert Murray

From: Tanko Mahmood

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: PAY FEE TO THE ACCOUNT INDICATED IN MAIL

Sent: Thu, 11 Dec 2003 07:14:57 -0500

DEAR SIR,

RE: THE ESTATE OF LATE MR MARK MURRAY

ACCOUNT DETAILS FOR PAYMENT OF PROCESSING FEE OF GBP 6,650.

I WRITE TO INFORM YOU THAT NONE OF THE CONTROL NUMBERS OF THE WESTERN UNION TRANSFERS YOU SUPPOSEDLY MADE TO OUR BANK COULD BE CONFIRMED BY THE LOCAL WESTERN UNION AGENT.

WE VIEW THIS DEVELOPMENT AS UNFORTUNATE, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OUR BANK IS NOT IN CONTROL OF SUCH TRANSFERS. THEREFORE, IT IS DIFFICULT TO VERIFY WHERE THE PROBLEMS HAVE COME FROM.

IN ORDER TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO SEND THE MONEY TO OUR BANK, WE ARE RATHER FORCED TO SEND TO YOU A BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION TO WHICH YOU SHOULD TRANSFER THE PROCESSING FEE, IMMEDIATELY. THIS WILL HOWEVER TAKE A LONGER TIME THAN A NORMAL GENUINE WESTERN UNION TRANSFER.

BE ADVISED IN YOUR OWN INTEREST TO TRANSFER THE INDICATED FEE TO OUR BANK THROUGH THE FOLLOWING ACCOUNT INFORMATION:

CITI BANK NA, 111 WALL STREET, NEW YORK, USA

SWIFT CODE: CITIUS33

A/C NO: 36147178

A/C NAME: FIRST ATLANTIC BANK

BEN: AFEXFINSEC LTD

WE ALSO WISH TO ASSURE YOU THAT AS SOON AS OUR AFFILIATES IN NEW YORK CONFIRM THE TRANSFER OF THE GBP 6,650 TO US BY KEY TESTED TELEGRAPHIC TRANSFER (KTT), WE WILL GET THE FINAL PROCESSING AND DOCUMENTATION OF YOUR PROBATE CLAIM UNDERWAY, FOR THE REMITTANCE OF YOUR CLAIM AMOUNT TO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT WITHIN 72 HOURS, OF THE CONCLUSION OF THESE PROCEDURES BY OUR BANK.

THANK YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

TANKO MAHMOOD

MANAGER, ECOBANK INTERNATIONAL PLC

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Tanko Mahmood

Subject: Please call this number

Sent: Thu, 11 Dec 2003 12:39:04

Dear Mr Mahmood,

I am in receipt of your astonishingly rude email. How dare you imply that I have not transferred any money to you? I have bent over backwards to make sure that this transaction goes through smoothly, yet have been met with nothing but incompetence and obfuscation from you and your colleagues.

I am nearly at the end of my tether, and I will not put up with a mere pen-pushing bank official doubting my word as a gentleman.

I have contacted my local Western Union agent yet again and explained the situation to them, clearly and concisely. The Western Union agent suggested that either you or Mr Obialor should immediately contact a Mr Russ Greaves on +44 (0) 1522 532222. Apparently he is an expert in matters like this. Explain the exact situation to Mr Greaves, and he will apparently be able to deal with you in an appropriate manner.

Please get back to me as soon as you or Obialor have spoken to Mr Greaves and let me know what the outcome of your conversation is.

Gilbert Murray

PS. Is there something wrong with your computer keyboard, or have you simply not learned how to use capital letters properly?

The telephone number and name given are those of an officer in the Lincolnshire Police Fraud Squad.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: I have just received a very rude email from Mr Mahmood

Sent: Thu, 11 Dec 2003 12:42:36

Dear Mr Joe,

I have just received a very rude email from Mr Mahmood. I am bemused to hear that the otiose Obialor has still not managed to get his sweaty little hands on my money. I have put up with this series of delays and disasters from the bank for too long. We need to get this matter sorted once and for all.

Therefore I have contacted my local Western Union agent yet again and explained the situation to them, clearly and concisely. The Western Union agent suggested that either you, Mr Mahmood or Mr Obialor should immediately contact a Mr Russ Greaves on +44 (0) 1522 532222. Apparently he is an expert in matters like this. I have passed this number on to Mr Mahmood and asked him to call Mr Greaves immediately. If Mr Mahmood explains the exact situation to Mr Greaves, he will apparently be able to deal with him in an appropriate manner.

I am no longer prepared to put up with any more of these delays from your end. The poor little orphans are depending on you. Either you and the bank get this matter sorted out today, or I will have to consider an alternative way of recouping Saint Bunty's money, such as a punt on the 12.30 at Newmarket tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Vincent Joe

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have just received a very rude email from Mr Mahmood

Sent: Thu, 11 Dec 2003 05:12:51 -0800 (PST)

Dear Gilbert,

Thank you for your email and Mr Greaves' telephone number.

I just returned from the bank and was settling down to send you an email with an update when I discovered that you have sent two new emails to me, including this mail with Mr Greaves' telephone number.

It is so sad to hear of the death of Madame Cholet's remaining family. What a disaster!

Before I left the bank, Mr Mahmood said he would send you an email. Your mail has confirmed that he did as he said because I was going to inform you to expect his email and to be calm and collected as you reply to him if he writes to you.

I will rush back to the bank to Mr Mahmood to contact Mr Greaves and resolve the situation to ensure that Mr Obialor collects the money today for his bank to make the transfer of the $15,000,000 to your indicated account immediately, as is desired by you and I.

I have to be on my way right away. Expect a feed back from me soon.

Regards,

Vincent Joe Esq.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Tanko Mahmood

Subject: What is the delay now?

Sent: Thu, 11 Dec 2003 15:13:43

Mahmood,

What is the delay now? Why have I not heard back from you in response to my last email? Time is money - you're supposed to be a banker, so you should know this better than anyone.

Now is not the time for indolence, Mahmood; now is the time for action. Stop fornicating with your cashiers or whatever it is you're doing right now and apply yourself to the business in hand.

Have you spoken to Mr Greaves? If so, what is the outcome? You must keep me informed.

And let's have no more talk of this ridiculous scheme of yours involving transferring money to you via some account in New York. Start talking sense, man. Or perhaps you would like me to transfer my money to you via a bank in Outer Mongolia and a building society in Bolivia?

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: What is going on?

Sent: Thu, 11 Dec 2003 21:35:45

Dear Mr Joe,

I am dismayed that I have not heard from you for so long. Is everything okay?

I have been communicating with Mr Mahmood, but the man does not seem to want to reply to my emails. Is the man being rude, or is he simply being ignorant? He came up with some ridiculous notion of me transferring money to some bank account in New York! Perhaps he had enjoyed a liquid lunch today.

What is the current situation? Have you telephoned Mr Greaves as the Western Union agent suggested?

In fact, have you made any progress at all? I would hate to think that you were wasting my time, after all we have been through.

Unless I hear otherwise from you by Friday lunchtime, I will have no option but to cancel the Western Union transfers I made the other day and to put the money on a horse in the hope of making a quick profit. Gullible Mugu 419er in the 12.30 at Newmarket looks good to me (the spectre of Madame Cholet rates this horse highly), but I would appreciate your advice.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Vincent Joe

Subject: Good news!

Sent: Fri, 12 Dec 2003 10:53:01

Dear Mr Joe,

I am disappointed that you have not responded to my emails. Do you no longer care about the fate of the poor little orphan boys and girls at Saint Bunty's? Perhaps you have not responded because your numerous futile trips to your Western Union agent have left you exhausted?

Anyway, I have some good news for you. I travelled into town this morning and cancelled the Western Union transfers. I then went straight to the bookmakers and put all the money on Dimwit Scamboy Joe in the 10.15 at Doncaster. The ghost of Madame Cholet thought the horse might be lucky as it shared your name. And guess what? The horse romped home at 25 to 1!

This is excellent news: it means that Saint Bunty's now has enough money to keep going for quite some time to come. I am sure that we will be able to find ourselves another benefactor before this money runs out.

You will be pleased to hear that the ghost of Madame Cholet and I are getting on quite well together now. She's not a bad old stick, and once she stops shrieking about hellfire and damnation, she's actually quite good fun to have around. And if today's anything to go by, she's a dab hand at picking horses.

She still reckons you're going to burn in hell though. But then I expect you knew that anyway.

It was nice doing business with you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray