Thanks for your email. It seems that we're finally getting to the bottom of what has been happening here. I've been wondering what the hell's been going on for the past couple of days. I assumed that you and Dr Ijeoma had lost your minds or hit the bottle or something, given the contradictory information you were both giving me. And you probably thought the same about me...

Well, now that we both know what has been happening, I will do as you suggest: I will ignore any further emails from Dr Ijeoma's email account and I will do my best to verify that any emails I receive that appear to be from you really are from you.

Could I suggest that we both adopt a simple security measure, to help us to pick out our real emails from the ones that this hacker is sending? I suggest that we both start our emails to each other with the words "CUSTARD SLICE" (my favourite cake), just as I have done in this instance. That way, we will know that any emails that don't start with the words "CUSTARD SLICE" are from this hacker, whoever he is.

Let me know if you agree on this security measure, Mr Williams. I'm convinced it will prove to be useful. If you do agree, please start using it immediately, and use it every single time you email me.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I would ask you to take a long, hard look at the security measures in your chambers. There's obviously a leak somewhere: how else could someone else get wind of this deal? Perhaps you have a mole? I am severely disappointed in you, Mr Williams. Your appalling security very nearly ruined this entire transaction.

From: Dr Charles Ijeoma

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I have changed my email address for security reason

Sent: Thu, 08 Dec 2005 16:37:01 +0000 (GMT)

Dear Partner Mr Gilbert Murray,

Thanks for your patience with me please understand that things are beginning to take a new shape and I am beginning to know the source of my problem courtesy your effort.

Please understand that all these problem was caused by the lawyer's secretary who the lawyer inform me that he asked her to send a mail to you when he was about leaving to court for some urgent case.

More importantly, I was with him today some couple of hours ago to find a lasting solution to this problem just as you have advised because it is no longer strange to us to know that some intruder is taking advantage of our lawyer's carelessness to hurt us.

Well let me inform you on part of the urgent decision reached with the attorney today based on your advice that we ensure we put an end to this matter to enable you to carry on with your payment.

For now I and Barrister Williams have agreed that you stop contacting me for now until this whole trouble is over and I have given Barrister Williams the upper hand to deal with you based on my approval to ensure we avoid the mishap and not only that we have both agreed that you make the payment direct to Barrister Bernard Williams and not to any other person for that matter in attempt to protect your money and most importantly our transaction.

My dear friend, I want to understand that this temptation is the attempt of our enemy the devil to steal from us and we will not allow it and please be inform that I have been working for this bank for over 25 years and this is the first time I am having this opportunity to better my life and that of my family.

Sir, to encourage you more I have decided to attach a copy of the mail you first sent to me and my passport copy in a way to reassure you that you are still dealing with the right person and the information you get from this mail is 100% genuine and I will be very happy you consider it.

Lastly, I have also decided to change my email account in a way to correct this problem and from now on I will advise you contact me only on this mail for security reason and my new email is drcharlesijeoma005@yahoo.co.uk.

Sir, I want to plead with you in the name of God to please after going through this mail to send money directly to the lawyer using his name as the beneficiary example pay with Barrister Bernard Williams only and not any other person for that matter.

Thanks for your patience and remain bless.

Best regards,

Dr Charles Ijeoma

Sure enough, a scanned copy of Dr Ijeoma's passport and the first email Gilbert ever sent to him was attached to the above email, proving that the email was written by the "real" Dr Ijeoma. Still, we don't have to acknowledge that fact...

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Charles Ijeoma

Subject: Stop contacting me, you detestable hacker

Sent: Thu, 08 Dec 2005 17:10:28

Sir,

I now know you to be a detestable hacker who has done his best to try and frustrate the very important business deal that I am currently engaged in.

I just want you to know that I am now aware of what you have been trying to do and that I will not believe a word you tell me any more.

You have done enough damage already. Stop contacting me, and go and crawl back underneath whatever rock you crept out from under in the first place.

Gilbert Murray

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your wisdom (CUSTARD SLICE)

Sent: Thu, 08 Dec 2005 09:37:47 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 8TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

Sir,

I write to acknowledge your mail and most importantly I appreciate your wisdom in providing a lasting solution to this problem and on behalf of my chamber we are very grateful to you for having understanding and being knowledgeable to be able to detect my chamber's correspondence from the hackers.

Now that we all believe that this problem of the intruder is completely put to rest by the new modern of our professional ethics in writing to each other on the account of this transaction till the end.

Henceforth, I advice that you consider the next step towards the procurement of the death certificate latest by tomorrow and let us round up this transaction to enhance the crediting of your fund into your account and in case we share the same view please go ahead and transfer the fee $3,750 first thing tomorrow morning in order to bring joy and restore confidence to my client Dr Ijeoma who has been trying very hard to ensure this transaction pulls through.

Please with all due respect you can now transfer the fee using my name as the beneficiary Barrister Bernard Williams.

Thanks for your usual co-operation and we promise to stand by your side always.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: I will see if I can make the payment this afternoon

Sent: Fri, 09 Dec 2005 09:03:15

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

Thanks for your email. I'm glad to see you've started using that security measure I suggested yesterday. If we keep that up, we won't go far wrong.

I seem to be receiving fewer emails now from whoever it was that managed to hack into yours and Dr Ijeoma's email accounts. I can only presume that you've taken some action at your end to deal with the problem. If so, well done. Tell me, have you found out who's been doing this? If it's someone who works in your chambers, I hope you're going to give them the sack and inform the police. They nearly ruined everything.

On the subject of the hacker, I did receive another email late yesterday afternoon from him. He was pretending to be Dr Ijeoma again, and this time he even sent me a scanned copy of Dr Ijeoma's passport to make me believe him. Well, I was having none of it. I've got to know my friend Dr Ijeoma quite well by now, and I could tell straight away that this email hadn't been written by him. For a start, the spelling and grammar was appalling: it looked as if it had been written by someone who has a mental age of four. Anyway, you'll be pleased to hear that I responded to the email by telling the hacker that I was onto his game and that he wasn't to contact me again.

Now then, back to our transaction. I'm going to be out all morning buying flour. However, I'll be back in the afternoon: I've got to be around as the local sign painter is due to come and put up a new sign above my shopfront. I'm very much looking forward to seeing it. It includes my new slogan - one that was approved by Dr Ijeoma himself - "Murray's Bakers... we've been in bread for over two hundred years". I'm sure it's going to look great, and I'm hoping it will boost my trade.

So, as I'm going to be back in the village this afternoon, I'll see if I can make the payment then. I'll get back to you as soon as I've done so.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Waiting for your payment this afternoon (CUSTARD SLICE)

Sent: Fri, 09 Dec 2005 01:54:15 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 9TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

Sir,

I write to acknowledge your mail.

With due respect we appreciate your security contributions towards our professionalism and we promise to treat your transaction with utmost caution to ensure such problem does not arise again.

Be inform that the perpetrator of this hacker was no other person but my personal assistant and I have taken disciplinary measure on him, and has been given a sack letter from this chamber for this harm he has cost this chamber so far and now that we are able to adopt this new formula in communicating to each other I want you to be rest assured that your transaction is in safe hands with us and I have vow personally to handle any correspondence from this chamber personally.

As regards to your payment, I hope to receive your payment information during your next reply since you promised to make the payment this afternoon and I will be very much around my computer waiting for your payment details to enable me to proceed to the agency responsible for the issuance of your late uncle death certificate for procurement so that we can conclude your transaction as urgent as possible.

However, with regards to the message you received lately yesterday thanks for the manner in which you handled it and always remember that we both have agreed to limit this transaction on this mail only since it is much safer.

Thanks for your usual co-operation and we promise to stand by you always.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: A small problem

Sent: Fri, 09 Dec 2005 14:47:10

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

Thanks for your email. I must say, I was extremely disturbed to read that the hacker who nearly managed to ruin this entire transaction was your personal assistant. He tried to steal over 2,000 from me, Mr Williams, and if he had succeeded, not only would he have managed to wreck this important transaction, he would also have ensured that the poor little orphans of Gypping in the Marsh had to go without any presents this Christmas.

What on earth are you doing Mr Williams, employing a despicable thief like this as your personal assistant? Don't you carry out any checks on the people you employ? Did you not ask for any references from the man's previous employers? Presumably not; if you had have done, I imagine you would have found out that the only employment that this callous individual was suited to was sewing mailbags.

I can only hope that this regrettable affair has woken you up to the need for proper security, Mr Williams. I advise that you carry out security checks on all of your other employees as soon as possible, so that you can weed out any other dishonest individuals before they manage to drag the name of your chamber any further through the mud.

While I am pleased to hear that you have given this person the sack, I really think you ought to go further, Mr Williams. After all, this man is a thief. I must insist that you get the police involved, Mr Williams. You're a lawyer. Prosecute the man for attempted theft and for impersonating a lawyer. With your legal background, I've no doubt that you'll manage to persuade the judge to throw the book at the fellow.

Now then, back to our transaction. I've looked into sending you the money via Western Union, but unfortunately it appears that my nearest Western Union agent is quite some distance away. However, I've been talking to the sign painter (who is currently up a ladder fixing my new sign to the front of the shop) and he tells me that the local post office deals with something called "MoneyGram", which sounds very similar to Western Union. According to the sign painter, you can use it to send money instantly to virtually anywhere around the world.

Rather than sending the money via Western Union, would you be happy for me to send it via MoneyGram, Mr Williams? Please let me know. It would be much more convenient for me.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: (The "fake") Dr Charles Ijeoma

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Western Union Details Needed From Murray

Sent: Fri, 09 Dec 2005 07:27:49 -0800 (PST)

Thanks for the mail.

As soon as you send the money, now I want you to get back to me with full Western Union details used to send the money so that I can confirm that is true you sent the money. As soon as you send it don't worry I will take care of everything just send the Western Union details to me. Don't send it to anybody immediately you send it to me I will contact whoever is going to take care of death certificate I will contact him. Because I don't mistake from you OK.

I will you to get back to me with Western Union details.

Thanks,

Ijeoma

From: Gilbert Murray

To: (The "fake") Dr Charles Ijeoma

Subject: I know your game

Sent: Fri, 09 Dec 2005 16:18:22

"Dr Ijeoma",

My lawyer, Mr Williams, has filled me in on what's been happening over the past couple of days. Thanks in part to that fine gentleman, I now know the following to be true:

You are not my friend and business associate, Dr Charles Ijeoma; you are in fact Mr Williams' ex-personal assistant.
You are doing your best to confuse matters and to frustrate the business deal I am currently engaged in. You will not succeed.
As well as being Mr Williams' ex-personal assistant, you are also a pathetic waste of space. I have scraped more pleasant things than you off the soles of my shoes.
Thanks to Mr Williams, you will soon be feeling the hand of the law on your grubby little sweat-stained collar.

Now that I know your game, there is no way on this earth I am going to transfer any money to you or to "Christopher Miker". Therefore, you may as well stop wasting my time and yours, and stop contacting me.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: Fwd: Western Union Details Needed From Murray

Sent: Fri, 09 Dec 2005 16:26:37

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

As you can see from the attached email, your ex-personal assistant is still at it. Please contact the police immediately and have this man arrested. He's nothing but a common thief, and a menace to society.

Do let me know about the MoneyGram issue as soon as you can.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: THANKS FOR YOUR INFORMATION CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

Sent: Fri, 09 Dec 2005 09:45:26 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 9TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

Sir,

I write to acknowledge your mail.

With due respect, I will appreciate to receive your payment strictly via Western Union money transfer for it is more convenient and stress free and beside we do not have close access to MoneyGram which you suggested and so you are persuaded to sacrifice even if it is one day to enable you to proceed to the Western Union money transfer agent.

Moreso, in case you cannot be able to consider any further attempt to proceed to the Western Union agent due to distance, in that case you can now transfer the money using our account informations as follows.

Pay to:

CITI BANK NA, GLOBAL CLEARING SERVICES, CITICORP DATA SYSTEMS INC, CLIFFS NJ 07632 USA

SWIFT CODE: CITIUS33

BENEFICIARY BANK: BANK OF AFRICA (BOA)

SWIFT CODE: AFRIBJBJ

BENEFICIARY NAME: UNDER GRACE

ACCOUNT NUMBER: 01764640005

This is all about my method of payment via account and is 100% guaranteed safe sir, and for your information I have also received the urgent information you forwarded to me and I believe it is from the hand work of my personal assistant who I have dismissed and his counterparts and I have printed a copy of the message you have just directed to me as number evidence and I promise you that I will do everything in my power to ensure he is brought to book and punished for the offence of impersonation and theft which is a serious offence and he is liable to a sentence of 11 years imprisonment.

However, be officially informed that we need your support and encouragement to have all the evil perpetrators punished according to the rule of law and this means you have a part to play by ensuring you furnish us with day to day mails that you receive from them to enable me to have more evidence ready for prosecution.

Please confirm this payment information to me as urgent as possible.

Thanks for your usual co-operation and we promise to stand by you always.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: CONFIRM THIS INFORMATION (CUSTARD SLICE) (my favourite cake)

Sent: Sat, 10 Dec 2005 03:22:12 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 10TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

Sir,

I write to draw your attention with regards to our new plan in accepting your payment via wire transfer and the account information in view to enable you to achieve this development has been provided in our yesterday correspondence.

Since I did not receive any acknowledgement from you with regards to the new payment plan I thought it wise and compassionate to write you again and ask about your present health condition and I want to believe you are sound and alright.

I am also happy to inform you that I have arrested my personal assistant who has been causing all the havoc and he is now with the police awaiting to be charged to court by Monday and according to his testimony of his confession he informed the police on interrogation that he is not alone in the business of hacking but he also have some two other outsiders with him to perpetrate the evil and I hope to update you about the progress of his trial as we continue with our transaction and be rest assured that all about your transaction is going very fine with the bank pending when the death certificate will be ready to enhance the bank transfer of your late uncle's funds.

Moreso, in case you did not get the account information I sent to you the previous day please pay through the account below.

Pay to:

CITI BANK NA, GLOBAL CLEARING SERVICES, CITICORP DATA SYSTEMS INC, CLIFFS NJ 07632 USA

SWIFT CODE: CITIUS33

BENEFICIARY BANK: BANK OF AFRICA (BOA)

SWIFT CODE: AFRIBJBJ

BENEFICIARY NAME: UNDER GRACE

ACCOUNT NUMBER: 01764640005

Please confirm this payment information to me as urgent as possible.

Thanks for your usual co-operation and we promise to stand by you always.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: (The "fake") Dr Charles Ijeoma

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I know your game

Sent: Sat, 10 Dec 2005 09:31:43 -0800 (PST)

Hello Murray,

I don't understand what you're talking about, am an honest man please try to cool down. You're thinking wrong.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: I'm a bit confused

Sent: Mon, 12 Dec 2005 09:03:52

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

Thanks for your emails and for sending me details of the bank account you said you'd like me to pay your fees into. However, I have to admit that I'm confused.

You're a Nigerian lawyer, working for a Nigerian law firm. In Nigeria. With that in mind, I would have expected you to have a Nigerian bank account. I certainly would have expected you to at least have a bank account in the name of your law firm; the bank account you've sent me details of is with some American bank, and it's in a totally different name.

How is this? It all seems very odd to me. Being based in Nigeria but having a bank account with an American bank under a completely different name must make it terribly difficult when you want to send your secretary to the bank to pay in a cheque.

It really would be a lot simpler for me if I could pay you your fees via MoneyGram, Mr Williams. Surely there must be some way we can do this?

Please get back to me as soon as you can: after all of the delays we experienced last week, time is definitely not on our side any more. I'm expecting my fellow businessmen to ask me for the money we've raised for the orphanage any day now so that they can go out and buy toys with it for all the poor little orphan boys and girls.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I'm also somewhat confused at the reaction to my new shop sign. It certainly seems to be attracting attention, but not the sort of attention I expected; people seem to be standing outside the shop, pointing at it and sniggering. I don't understand why at all. I think it looks very nice.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: Fwd: Re: I know your game

Sent: Mon, 12 Dec 2005 09:10:25

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

While it's good to hear that your former personal assistant has been arrested and charged with impersonating a lawyer and attempted theft, it seems that one of his colleages is still at large, and as you will be able to see from the attached email, he's still trying to extort money out of me.

You said in your email that your disgraced personal assistant confessed under interrogation. I suggest that you ask the local police to tighten the thumbscrews so that they can find out the identity of the man's accomplices and arrest them too.

Do keep me informed about the progress of this man's trial, Mr Williams. Tell me, will you be acting as the prosecuting lawyer yourself?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Don't be confused

Sent: Mon, 12 Dec 2005 02:09:55 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 12TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

Sir,

We write to acknowledge your mail.

Please be officially inform that the account we gave in our previous correspondence belong to our stockbroker and I decided to give the account due to the urgent nature of your business with my chamber after reaching agreement with the stockbroker to provide me with the exact amount you wish to transfer to me once you send your transfer slip to me.

Again, let me again draw your attention and inform you that I have a personal account with the name of my chamber but allowing you to pay direct to the account will hinder my chances of receiving the fee on time and will slow my effort in meeting the need of the bank with regards to your payment having understood fully well the urgent need of the money and the importance of the orphanage's gift.

Sir, please try and bear with us and understand that MoneyGram you have suggested to me is very far from my location of operation and I will have to travel as far as six hours to get to their location and this is not possible because of my profession and the high demand of my service as a legal practitioner by my clients and for this reason I still insist that you pay through our account already provided or consider the Western Union money transfer since you are the very individual which need our service in the area of your business and you will at least adhere to our advice.

Lastly, thanks for your information with regards to the hackers and be rest assured that plans are on the way to arrest all of them and bring them to justice and details of this will send to you in our subsequent mail.

Please confirm this payment information to me as urgent as possible.

Thanks for your usual co-operation and we promise to stand by you always.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: You must be mistaken, Mr Williams

Sent: Mon, 12 Dec 2005 12:06:40

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

Thanks for your email. You must be mistaken about the location of your nearest MoneyGram agent, Mr Williams. I nipped into the post office this morning and asked the postmistress about sending money via MoneyGram to Nigeria. When I told her that you'd said that you were six hours away from your nearest MoneyGram agent, she consulted the MoneyGram handbook and found out that there are plenty of MoneyGram agents throughout Nigeria... including a good many in Lagos, where you are based. According to the postmistress, most of the major banks in Nigeria are MoneyGram agents.

I can't see how it could possibly take you six hours to travel from your office to the nearest bank, Mr Williams. You would have to be walking at a snail's pace for it to take you that long. Going by what the postmistress said, you should have no trouble at all collecting the money if I send it to you in this way.

I appreciate what you've said about your stockbroker's bank account, but I really don't like the idea of transferring the money into someone else's bank account. For one thing, bank transfers aren't instant, so it would be days before you were able to get your hands on the money, and that might be too late.

So, given that a bank transfer will take too long, there are no Western Union agents anywhere near me and there are plenty of MoneyGram agents in Lagos, I must insist that we use MoneyGram to get the money to you.

Time is running out, Mr Williams. The way I see it, MoneyGram is the only route open to us. I'm sure you'll agree.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. The postmistress made a very strange comment about my new shop sign. She mentioned that she'd noticed it on her way to work this morning, and told me that she's always thought that my eyes were a bit too close together. I didn't understand what she meant at all, but when I asked her to elaborate, she just sniggered, made some excuse and turned to serve the next customer. This is most unnerving.

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: OK

Sent: Mon, 12 Dec 2005 04:43:23 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 12TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

Sir,

We write to acknowledge your mail, with regards to your suggestion please you can go ahead and pay via MoneyGram.

Thanks.

Please confirm this payment information to me as urgent as possible.

Thanks for your usual co-operation and we promise to stand by you always.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: Who should I transfer the money to?

Sent: Mon, 12 Dec 2005 15:59:27

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

Thanks for your email. I'm very pleased to hear that sending your fee to you via MoneyGram will be acceptable to you.

Given that you think you will have such a long journey to the nearest MoneyGram agent (although I still think you're probably mistaken about that) do you want me to use another name when transferring the money? After all, I wouldn't want to waste your own valuable time... especially not when you'll no doubt be busy making preparations for the case against your former personal assistant.

Perhaps you would prefer me to transfer the money to an office junior rather than yourself (presuming that is, that your office junior isn't a thief like your personal assistant turned out to be)?

Do let me know and I will transfer the money first thing tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Talking of your former personal assistant, do you know if the police have made any breakthroughs yet regarding the identity of his two accomplices? Surely they should be able to beat the information out of him before too long. I have heard that repeatedly slamming a desk drawer shut onto a suspect's testicles can be a very effective method of obtaining information. Do you know if your local police use that particular method, or do they have a different modus operandi?

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Pay direct to me

Sent: Mon, 12 Dec 2005 09:44:39 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 12TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

Thanks for your update I advise you can now transfer the fee using my name as the sole beneficiary.

Mr Bernard Williams

Sir, if by tomorrow I did not receive your payment confirmation I am sorry you will never hear from me again since my job as a legal practitioner is high demanding and I think I have been so lenient in handling your case.

Thanks for your usual co-operation and we promise to stand by you always.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: How dare you be so rude to one of your clients?

Sent: Tue, 13 Dec 2005 09:08:48

Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

I have just read the last email you sent to me yesterday. Quite frankly, Mr Williams, I'm shocked. Shocked and offended.

How dare you be so rude to me, sir? What on earth have I done to deserve such shoddy treatment from you? I can tell you now, Mr Williams, I do not expect to be addressed in this way by someone who I am paying for their services. I think a little respect is called for here, my good man.

You say that you think you have been "so lenient" in handling my case. Well let me tell you sir, that this case would have been done and dusted a hell of a lot more quickly had it not been for the fact that you employed a common thief as your personal assistant! Had that man not wasted precious time by stealing my details, impersonating you and trying to con me out of my money, you would have received your fee by now. That whole affair and the resulting delay was YOUR fault, Mr Williams. It had nothing to do with me. In fact, I think you could argue that it is ME who has been lenient in my dealings with YOU, and not the other way round.

I am sorry, Mr Williams, but I must demand an immediate apology from you. I have never been so insulted in my life.

We are so close to a successful conclusion to this transaction now: I have the money ready to transfer and we have agreed on a method of getting the money to you. But I am simply not prepared to transfer the money to you - or to work with you any further on this business - unless I first receive a full and abject apology from you.

Apologise by return, and I will transfer the money to you this morning. If not, I will find myself another lawyer.

Gilbert Murray

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: MY APOLOGY

Sent: Tue, 13 Dec 2005 01:38:03 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 13TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

I am sorry for the manner in which you were addressed in my previous correspondence please find a place in your heart to forgive and I promise to be more friendly in our future dealings.

Thanks for your usual co-operation and we promise to stand by you always.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: That's more like it

Sent: Tue, 13 Dec 2005 11:06:22

Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

Thank you for your apology. Consider it grudgingly accepted. Kindly remember to keep a civil tongue in your head for the remainder of these procedings, or I will be tempted to contact the eminent Welsby and place this matter into his more than capable hands.

Now that I have received your apology, I will transfer the money to you. I will pop down to the post office in the next hour or so. I will get back to you later today with the details you need to pick up the money.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: Money transfer details

Sent: Tue, 13 Dec 2005 12:24:52

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

I have just returned from the post office, where I transferred the $3,750 that you need in order to obtain the late Mr Schranner's death certificate to you.

Here is the information you will need in order to collect the money:

MoneyGram reference number: 85229794

Sender's name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Recipient's name: Bernard Williams

Amount transferred: $3,750

Test question: In bread?

Answer: Oh yes

You are well aware how urgent this has become - especially given the delays and confusion we experienced thanks to your crooked personal assistant - so I would be grateful if you could collect the money and use it to obtain the death certificate as soon as possible.

Tell me, how soon do you think you will be able to achieve this? I am keen to replace the orphanage's money as soon as I possibly can.

Please get back to me as soon as you have collected the money. I will be out for most of the afternoon buying flour, but I will check my email as soon as I return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I NEED THE RECEIPT OF YOUR PAYMENT

Sent: Tue, 13 Dec 2005 06:36:43 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 13TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

We write to acknowledge your payment via Money Gramm (sic).

Sir, at this point I regret to inform you that I was refused the payment today by the officer stationed at the Money Gramm agent nearest to my office following the main point below:

That Money Gramm agent does not recognise your transaction.
The transfer control number which you presented to me was different from the Money Gramm user MTCN.
Lack of receipt to show the validity of your transfer.

Having consider all the above mentioned point I humbly like to submit here that you endeavour to send the receipt of your payment as urgent as possible either by fax or email via attachment.

Thanks for your usual co-operation.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: Sorry, I think I may have made a mistake

Sent: Tue, 13 Dec 2005 15:48:51

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

I was most perplexed when I read your last email, in which you explained that you had not been able to pick up the money that I have transferred to you.

Well don't worry; I think I may have found the reason for your failure to collect the money. I've had a closer look at the MoneyGram receipt that the postmistress gave me, and I can now see that the MoneyGram reference number is actually 85221794, not 85229794 as I mistakenly told you earlier. The postmistress has rather bad handwriting, you see - the poor dear is getting on a bit and her hands are a little shaky when she writes - and her 1s look very similar to her 9s.

I'm terribly sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused you, Mr Williams. Mind you, looking on the bright side, it certainly didn't take you six hours to get to your nearest MoneyGram agent now, did it?

I will be only too delighted to send you a copy of the MoneyGram receipt - and I'm sure you'll be able to understand how I came to make such a mistake when you see just how bad the postmistress' handwriting is - but unfortunately I won't be able to get it to you until tomorrow. My scanner is broken, you see. However, we are going round to the vicarage for tea tonight, and I'm sure the vicar has a working scanner. I'll scan in a copy tonight at the vicarage after tea, and send it on to you first thing in the morning.

In the meantime, I suggest that you go back to the MoneyGram agent, armed with the correct reference number this time. I'm sure you'll be able to pick up the money without any problems now that we've ironed out my silly little mistake.

Let me know if you do get a chance to pick up the money before the end of the day, then I'll know that I won't have to scan in a copy of the receipt for you. I'd rather avoid doing that if I could: computers aren't really my strong point.

Once again, please accept my apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I INSISTED

Sent: Tue, 13 Dec 2005 08:43:50 -0800 (PST)

BERNARD WILLIAMS & CHAMBERS
LEGAL PRACTITIONERS & SOLICITORS
PLOT 4, GREEK ROAD
APAPA
LAGOS
NIGERIA

DATE: 13TH/12/2005

ATTN: MR GILBERT A MURRAY

CUSTARD SLICE (my favourite cake)

Thanks for your immediate response.

I still insist that you endeavour to send the receipt of your payment to me by your next reply since the situation still remain the same at the Money Gramm (sic) agent office please advise.

Thanks for your usual co-operation.

STILL AT YOUR SERVICE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

BARRISTER BERNARD WILLIAMS ESQ

PRINCIPAL, LEGAL PRACTITIONERS

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: Are you sure you're going to the right place?

Sent: Tue, 13 Dec 2005 16:59:23

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

Once again, I am most perplexed - peturbed, even - at your continued failure to pick up the money I have transferred to you.

Tell me, Mr Williams, are you sure you're going to the right place? I transferred the money to you via MoneyGram, not this "Money Gramm" outfit that you've been referring to. Perhaps you've got confused between the two and you've been going to the wrong office? It's certainly worth checking.

I must say, Mr Williams, I am starting to feel a touch uneasy about this. There is a lot of money at stake here, and I don't like the thought of the poor little orphans' Christmas present money hanging about in the MoneyGram system for too long. Can I suggest that you go to a proper MoneyGram agent this time (please note the correct spelling)? I'm sure you'll be able to pick up the money if you make sure that you go to the right place.

On top of this, I'll send you a copy of the receipt first thing in the morning. Surely when you receive that you will be able to pick up the money without any problems whatsoever.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: I think I know what the problem is

Sent: Wed, 14 Dec 2005 09:49:58

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

I write with good news, my dear fellow. First of all, as promised, I have attached a copy of the MoneyGram receipt to this email. I was wrong when I said that the vicar had a scanner; apparently that was the verger's, and the police took it away along with all the rest of the verger's computer equipment when they arrested him last year after that bother about the contents of his hard disk. But let's not go there.

Anyway, luckily for us the vicar has a digital camera, so I was able to take a photograph of the receipt. I'm sorry if it's a bit blurred, but I had enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine with the vicar by the time I took the photograph, so my hands were shaking a little.

I had a chat to the vicar about the problems you've been having trying to get your hands on the money I transferred to you, and the vicar suggested that I should go back to the post office first thing this morning to see what the problem was. So that's exactly what I did, and I'm pleased to be able to tell you that I think I've sorted everything out.

I explained to the postmistress that the reference number of my transfer did not show up on the computer at your MoneyGram agent. The postmistress explained to me that MoneyGram are currently in the middle of upgrading their computer hardware. This has apparently resulted in what she called "internet connectivity" problems, and apparently mine is not the only transfer to have gone missing over the past ten days or so. What this means is that the transfer is definitely in the system - the postmistress showed it to me on her own computer - but it is not showing up on your local MoneyGram agent's computer system because of these "internet connectivity" problems.

However, it turns out that this is not a problem, because there is a simple solution. The postmistress told me exactly what your local agent needs to do in order to access details of the transfer and gain access to the money. Apparently your agent simply needs to initiate procedure MG-RV8 on their computer system, entering the reference number of the transfer that I gave to you. This procedure, which apparently gives the agent access to all transfers that have got "stuck" in the system, will make the transfer available to the agent, meaning that you will be able to collect the money.

The postmistress was rather surprised that your local agent had not done this already: apparently it is standard procedure for MoneyGram agents when things like this happen. She even showed me the procedure in her MoneyGram Procedures Handbook. She said to me that if your local agent hasn't heard of procedure MG-RV8, they probably don't know their job very well. She suggested that your local agent could benefit from some more on the job training. Perhaps you ought to mention this when you go to collect the money.

Anyway, I am sure you will agree that this is extremely good news: it means that you will be able to collect the money I transferred to you immediately, simply by instructing your local MoneyGram agent to initiate procedure MG-RV8.

Apologies once again for the inconvenience. Please get back to me as soon as you have collected the money from the MoneyGram agent. Tell me, how soon do you think you will be able to get hold of the death certificate once you have got your hands on the money?

Do get back to me as soon as you have collected the money, won't you Mr Williams? I will be waiting to hear from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Urgent request for your personal identification

Sent: Wed, 14 Dec 2005 04:13:47 -0800 (PST)

Dated 14-12-2005

CUSTARD SLICE

Attention Mr Gilbert Murray,

I write to acknowledge your mail sorry for the delay in getting back to you it was as a result of my urgent court proceedings this morning but now that I am back I promise to keep in touch always.

Back to business I have received the attached information of your payment via MoneyGram thanks for your kind attention I promise to repeat my appointment with the local agent here in my state and pick up the money.

In an attempt to procure the death certificate of your late uncle, I will appreciate that you send to me as quickly as possible a copy of any form of your identification to enable me to obtain a sworn affidavit of oath from the court by tomorrow expressing your close relationship with the deceased in an attempt to facilitate the issuance of the item from the concerned agency.

Sir, I appreciate you understand how important it is to let me have your personal identification for the smooth procurement of your late uncle's death certificate and I will advise that you pay urgent attention to this request and ensure you present me with your identification by your next reply.

Yours faithfully,

Barrister Bernard Williams Esq

Principal, legal practitioners

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: I will try to find someone with a scanner

Sent: Wed, 14 Dec 2005 12:27:26

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

Thanks for your email. I quite understand the reason for your delay in responding to my email. A renowned barrister such as yourself must find it difficult to cope at times, what with all the court cases you must have on the go at the same time. On the subject of court cases, tell me, how is the case against your former personal assistant progressing? Have the police interrogators broken the man yet and persuaded him to grass on his criminal associates? Let's hope so.

You've asked for a copy of my personal identification. There's a slight problem here: as you know, I don't have a scanner. I'll have to ask around to see if I can find someone who has one and is willing to let me use it to scan my passport. One of my customers must have one. I will get right onto this and see what I can do.

I won't be available for much of this afternoon: I am due to give a practical bakery demonstration at the local sixth-form college. I go there once a month to teach the students the rudiments of baking. I must say, it's a pleasure to talk to such receptive and enthusiastic students. I often have their parents coming into my shop specially to thank me. In fact only yesterday the father of one of my favourite students came in to tell me that as a result of the time I've spent with his daughter, she's now got a bun in the oven.

I will check my email as soon as I get back from the college this afternoon. Do get back to me as soon as the money is in your possession, my dear fellow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Try and send your personal identification urgently

Sent: Wed, 14 Dec 2005 07:45:01 -0800 (PST)

Dated 14-12-2005

CUSTARD SLICE

Attention Mr Gilbert Murray,

I salute your patience in waiting for my correspondence.

Let me inform you that I have again visited the MoneyGram and have completed all the necessary information regarding the money you sent to me but there was a little problem, the agent inform me that she can no longer continue with the transaction as a result of slow down in their internet connection from their head office.

Thereafter, I was asked to repeat my appointment by tomorrow and hopefully I am sure by then I will receive the money.

Once again thanks for sparing your time to ensure I receive this money without any hitches and I can assure you of the commitment of my chamber to stand by your side at all time and most especially work out the possibilities of your payment to be wired into your account as urgent as possible.

Furthermore, I advise you endeavour to send a copy of your personal identification to enable me to hasten the method of procuring the death certificate the moment I withdraw the fee from the MoneyGram agent.

Looking forward to your swift attention.

Yours faithfully,

Barrister Bernard Williams Esq

Principal, legal practitioners

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: These delays are infuriating

Sent: Wed, 14 Dec 2005 17:06:02

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

Thanks for your email. I have to say, I'm disappointed to hear that you haven't managed to get your hands on the money yet. These delays are infuriating. I never would have used MoneyGram if I'd have known how unreliable they seem to be. I wouldn't be surprised if the internet connectivity problem your MoneyGram agent was complaining about was the reason why you couldn't get hold of the money yesterday. Let's keep our fingers crossed that your MoneyGram agent manages to sort out her technical problems by tomorrow so that you can collect the money then.

I really do appreciate the efforts you're going to in order to bring this transaction to a successful conclusion as soon as possible, my dear fellow. You've been to the MoneyGram agent three times already by my reckoning, and tomorrow will make it four visits. I do hope that all the time you are spending at the MoneyGram agent isn't detracting from your court cases too much.

I haven't managed to find anyone who has a scanner yet, but most of my customers come into the shop early in the morning to pick up their bread, so I'm confident I'll be able to find someone who is willing to scan in my passport tomorrow. I'll send it on to you as soon as I can.

I had a marvellous afternoon at the local sixth-form college. I set the students a task last month - some baking homework, if you like - to test their cake baking and decorating skills. Each of the students had to bake a cake in the shape of an animal and bring their creations along to the college this afternoon so that I could taste them all and judge which was the best. I have to say, the standard of the students' baking was exemplary, which made it very difficult for me to decide which cake deserved the prize.

In the end I narrowed it down to three cakes, which had been modelled on a pussycat, a beaver and a starfish. Kimberly Wyatt's ginger pussy was beautiful - she told me she'd modelled it on her mother's pet cat, Felix - and it tasted delicious. I thought Ashley Roberts' beaver was even more attractive, but it didn't taste quite as sweet. It was only when I got stuck into Melody Thornton's chocolate starfish that I knew I had found my winner. If these students are anything to go by, the future of baking in Gypping in the Marsh is in safe hands.

Do get back to me as soon as you have picked up the money tomorrow morning, Mr Williams. Time is not on our side.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: Have you collected the money yet?

Sent: Thu, 15 Dec 2005 14:49:41

Dear Mr Williams,

CUSTARD SLICE.

What is going on over there, Mr Williams? Have you been back to the MoneyGram agent to collect the money yet?

I've got problems at this end, Mr Williams: I had a visit this morning from Ann Anias, the chair of the local branch of the Association of Small Business Operators (ASBO). She'd come to collect the money that we'd raised to buy Christmas presents for the poor little orphans. Apparently she thinks she'll be able to get a great deal on a container load of substandard toys that has been shipped in from China. The toys have apparently failed to meet European health & safety and fire regulations. Normally they'd be sent right back to China, but Mrs Anias has a friend who works in the docks and she reckons that with his help she'll be able to get hold of the container load of toys at a knock-down price. They may well be dangerous fire hazards, but she reckons they'll be good enough for the orphans.

Of course, I couldn't give Mrs Anias the money; I've transferred most of it to you. I gave her some excuse about the money being in the safe and not having the key on me at the moment, but she's going to come back tomorrow and she'll be expecting me to give her the money.

What are we going to do, Mr Williams? I'm going to need that money back so that I can give it to Mrs Anias tomorrow, otherwise she'll find out that it's missing and she'll think that I've stolen it. Have you collected the money yet? If so, I'm going to have to ask you to send it back to me right away, my dear fellow. If you don't, I'm going to be in deep trouble.

Please get back to me immediately and let me know what's going on. I'm seriously worried.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Bernard Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Scam buster

Sent: Fri, 16 Dec 2005 00:32:00 -0800 (PST)

Dated 16-12-2005

CUSTARD SLICE

Attention Mr Gilbert Murray,

The MoneyGram still did not accept your transaction and all the information including the receipt of your payment is fake.

And for your information I have contacted the bank with regards to your fake information and very soon the Interpol and the EFCC will soon catch up with you just wait for a while... you bastard...

Respect yourself and please don't contact us again... be warn!

Yours faithfully,

Barrister Bernard Williams Esq

Principal, legal practitioners

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Bernard Williams

Subject: So, the penny has finally dropped

Sent: Fri, 16 Dec 2005 10:46:22

Dear "Mr Williams",

CUSTARD SLICE.

So, the penny has finally dropped, has it? I can only suppose that after your numerous fruitless visits to your local MoneyGram agent you decided to do a bit of searching on the internet and came across my website.

I do hope I didn't waste too much of your precious time scurrying backwards and forwards to and from the MoneyGram office... actually, no. That's a lie. I know full well that I've wasted a good deal of your time over the past few weeks, and I'm very happy about that. I only hope that your experiences at the MoneyGram agent were suitably embarrassing.

It may interest you to know that your clownish exploits have been amusing thousands of people on a daily basis. It's always a joy to come across a gullible scammer, and you've proved to be more gullible than most.

But shame on you, "Mr Williams". You were quite prepared to steal thousands of pounds from charity funds, and to deprive the poor little orphans of Gypping in the Marsh of their Christmas presents. That's truly despicable - and completely inexcusable - and you should be ashamed of yourself: there's absolutely no justification for the heartless theft you were attempting to carry out.

Have you ever considered going out and getting yourself an honest job, "Mr Williams"? One that didn't involve stealing from innocent people? One that didn't bring shame onto you and your family? One that didn't bring the reputation of your entire nation into disrepute? It may be worth thinking about... especially now that I've passed on your details to the relevant authorities.

Given the time of year, it's traditional to sign of an email by wishing the recipient a merry Christmas. But I don't wish you a merry Christmas, "Mr Williams"; I actually wish you were behind bars.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray