It is me Beaker again. I read the email that you sent to me when I got back from the village where Mr Murray, not you, the other Mr Murray, sent me this morning to buy some milk and some bread and some butter and some meat and some vegetables. It was the first time I have been shopping in the village and I got to meet lots of nice people in the shops although some people gave me some funny looks but that seems to happen to me wherever I go so I don't mind too much now that I have got used to it.

Anyway the basket on my bicycle was very full when I rode back from the village and when I got back I made Mr Murray and the man with the beard whose name I cannot spell some sandwiches for lunch and I took them into the workshop and when I did Mr Murray told me to check my emails and see if you had sent me an email and so I did and that is when I read the email that you sent me.

I was expecting you to send me details of what I will need to do when I come to Nigeria and so I was surprised to see that you had not sent me those details and I didn't know what you meant when you talked about the alternative option so I printed off your email and took it to show Mr Murray in the workshop.

Mr Murray was very busy when I got there and he was angry when I knocked on the door of the workshop and he would not listen to me and he shouted at me and he told me to go away and he told me to send you another email and tell you that he has definitely decided to send me to Nigeria to swear in the court for him and to tell you that you should make arrangements with me right away because there is no time to waste.

Mr Murray also told me to tell you that he would be busy all day and that he probably will not get the chance to check his emails until late tonight or early tomorrow and that you should go ahead and make arrangements with me anyway and that he will get back to you as soon as he can.

I was very sorry that Mr Murray got angry like that. Mr Murray gets angry very quickly especially when I am around but I think he is a good man really.

I want to show Mr Murray that I can be a good assistant and I want to prove when I travel to Nigeria that he can trust me with important jobs like he has trusted me with cleaning the reactor and disposing of the old fuel rods each night. I am determined to do that job very well.

Please send me another email as soon as you can with details of when you want me to come to Nigeria and who you need me to swear at when I get there.

Thanking you,

Beaker

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Justice Kayode Esho

Subject: My assistant will be travelling to Nigeria

Sent: Wed, 15 Feb 2006 17:26:09

Dear Mr Esho,

Thank you for your email. I am pleased to be able to tell you that although I will be unable to travel to Nigeria in person, my assistant, Beaker, will be travelling to Nigeria to sort things out on my behalf.

Beaker is currently making arrangements for his trip and I shall be in touch with you when I have more concrete information regarding the date of his arrival etc.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Mark Murray; Cc: Felix Okafor

Subject: Please make all necessary arrangments with Beaker

Sent: Wed, 15 Feb 2006 17:28:10

Dear Mr Murray,

I am taking a short break from a long day working on my current project and I have taken the opportunity to check my emails. Thank you for sending me the letter of authorisation. However, you will be pleased to hear that this will not be necessary, as I have made up my mind to send Beaker to Nigeria to sort things out on my behalf.

I will be extremely busy for the next few days, so I would appreciate it if you could make all the necessary arrangements with Beaker. He has my full authority to act on my behalf.

I look forward to hearing that some progress has been made in the very near future.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Mark Murray; Cc: Felix Okafor

Subject: What is the reason for this delay?

Sent: Thu, 16 Feb 2006 12:10:52

Mr Murray,

I am just taking a brief break from today's work. I am extremely disappointed to have heard from Beaker that you have not yet been in touch with him to make arrangements for his forthcoming trip to Nigeria.

Do you not realise the importance of this business, Mr Murray? Time, as well as being money, is not on our side, and we have none of it to waste.

Kindly start doing the job you are paid for and make arrangements with Beaker at once. If I do not hear that progress has been made by the end of the day I will have no alternative but to start looking around for another lawyer.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Felix Okafor

Subject: The lawyer is not being co-operative

Sent: Thu, 16 Feb 2006 16:45:15

Dear Mr Okafor,

You may not be aware of this yourself, but that attorney you put me in touch with - Mr Murray - is not being co-operative. I have told him on a number of occasions to liase with Beaker to make arrangements for Beaker to travel to Nigeria, as requested by Mr Esho at the Probate Registry, but Mr Murray has so far completely failed to do so. On top of this, he has not even deigned to reply to my last few emails.

I can understand that as a lawyer he must be a busy man, but does he not understand the importance of this transaction? If he carries on delaying things in this manner, how on earth are we ever going to get this transaction concluded?

Is there anything you can do to prompt the lawyer to take action, Mr Okafor? I have the $1,900 all ready for Beaker to take down to Nigeria with him, but unless Mr Murray gets in touch with him and makes arrangements, this simply isn't going to happen.

I am most disappointed in Mr Murray's performance in this matter so far. Please get back to me with your thoughts.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Felix Okafor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: The lawyer is not being co-operative

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 08:29:47 +0000 (GMT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I tried all through to reach the attorney the day before yesterday and yesterday but he was not on site, I was told by his secretary that he went to court. However I will call the attorney right away so that he will reach you immediately.

Regards,

Felix Abua Okafor

From: Mark Murray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: AM SORRY FOR MY LATE REPLY (Please this is my suggestion)

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 08:38:39 +0000 (GMT)

Attn: Gilbert Murray,

Am sorry for my late reply to your last mail, I have been shuttling the court room all through the day, I have a court session.

Sequel to your last mail to my chambers, I assume you have made up your mind for Beaker to come down to swear to an affidavit on your behalf, I hope you know that even if Beaker comes down he will still require the service of an attorney as he is not the bonafide next of kin and authorised signatory. It would have been better for you who is the rightful beneficiary to come down.

Secondly if you insist Beaker should come down it will cost you more money to pay his air ticket fee to and from, lodging and accommodation, and some other miscellaneous expenses he might incur down here. And I don't think he has his visa at hand, he will have to apply for a visa to Nigeria and wait for it to be granted, which will take some time.

From all indication the time allowed for you the next of kin to take possession of this inheritance will soon elapse. I would have suggested you send the document fees of $1,900 and fill the authorisation as directed by the Probate. This will go a long way to save our precious time and cost. On the other hand if you still insist that he must come down then let him go ahead and conclude arrangements and confirm to us his travel itinerary, his date of departure and arrival. Thanks.

Best regards,

Mark Murray

CEO, McMurray Chambers & Associates

From: Mark Murray

To: Beaker

Subject: FROM BARRISTER MARK MURRAY

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 08:51:02 +0000 (GMT)

Attn: Billy Beaker,

Sorry for my late reply, I have a court session, I have reached your boss, it is now left for him to decide if he still insist you are to come down or not, to save you the footwork and him the cost and considering the time frame we have I have suggested we use the alternative option of the Probate Registry.

Best regards,

Mark Murray

CEO, McMurray Chambers & Associates

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Mark Murray; Cc: Felix Okafor

Subject: I will instruct Beaker to look into obtaining a visa

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 10:52:21

Dear Mr Murray,

Thank you for your email. I accept your apology for the delay in responding to me: I can quite appreciate that as a lawyer you must be a very busy man. However, having said that, I would appreciate it if you could do your best to respond to my emails in a more timely manner from now on.

Regarding the advice that you gave me in your last email, I appreciate that sending Beaker to Nigeria on my behalf will be more expensive than authorising you to act on my behalf. However, although I am sure that you would do a sterling job on my behalf, for my own peace of mind I would prefer to have my own "man on the ground", as it were. Also, when you take into account the large amount of money that I am claiming from the late Mr Murray, the costs involved in sending Beaker to Nigeria are negligible in comparison.

I have to say that I was unaware that Beaker would require a visa to enter Nigeria - thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will instruct Beaker to look into obtaining a visa immediately.

I will also instruct Beaker to look into flights to Nigeria. Given that it may take a few days for him to obtain a visa, I would suggest that we plan for Beaker to fly over to Nigeria either late next week or early the week after.

In order that Beaker can plan his itinerary and make adequate plans, I will need the following information from you:

Are there any dates from 23rd February to 1st March that would not be suitable for you, or can Beaker make arrangements to travel to Nigeria on any of these days?
How many days will Beaker have to spend in Nigeria in order to complete this business? Will two or three days be adequate?
If Beaker sends you his flight itinerary once he has made a booking, will you (or a colleague) be able to meet him at the airport? Beaker has never been abroad before and can get flustered at times, so any help you could offer would be very much appreciated.
How much money will Beaker need to bring with him, and in what currency?

I would appreciate it if you could get back to me as soon as possible with answers to the above questions. I will instruct Beaker to look into obtaining a visa right away.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Raphael Ebube

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: REMINDER PLEASE SEND APPROVAL DOCUMENTS

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 14:01:53 +0000

Attn: Gilbert Arnold Murray,

I wish to use this medium to notify you that you have only three official banking days left to send the relevant transfer approval documents to the Document Processing Unit of Standard Trust Bank Plc for claim your long overdue inheritance with Standard Trust Bank Plc. I advise you on your own interest to expedite actions towards sending the authentication documents and claiming your inheritance as this bank shall not be held liable for any losses you might suffer in case you did not meet up with its deadline date of Tuesday 21st February 2006.

Items listed and needed are:

A letter of administration from the Federal Ministry of Justice authenticating your claims.
A sworn affidavit of claim duly signed and attested by a reputable high court judge in Nigeria.
A copy of the fixed deposit certificate as signed by late Mr Jeremiah Murray.
A copy of late Mr Jeremiah Murray's death certificate from the National Population Commission.
You shall provide us with any of these forms of identification: a copy of your international passport, national identification card, or company identification card or driver's licence.

These aforementioned requirements are needed by the Document Processing Unit of Standard Trust Bank Plc for verifications and approval of your claims.

Thank you for your co-operation and anticipated understanding in this matter as we work tirelessly towards ensuring a speedy remittance.

Mr Raphael Ebube

Manager, Foreign Remittance Dept, Standard Trust Bank Plc

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Raphael Ebube

Subject: Everything is being taken care of

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 14:36:16

Dear Mr Ebube,

I have just read the email you sent me earlier today. Please allow me to reassure you that I have not forgotten about the documents that you need from me. Everything is being taken care of and I am confident that I will have all of the documents you need in the very near future. I am in contact with a Mr Esho at the Probate Registry and I am in the middle of making arrangements for my assistant, Beaker, to travel down to Nigeria to obtain the documents in person.

However, please note that there is no way that I will be able to procure all of the documents you need by next Tuesday. I estimate that the documents will be available within the next two weeks.

To be frank, Mr Ebube, I find the fact that you have suddenly decided to impose a three day deadline on me extremely unhelpful, and quite baffling. Given the fact that the late Mr Murray's funds have been lying in your bank for the past five years or so, I cannot for the life of me see why there is such an urgent need for me to claim the money within the next three days. Surely waiting another week or ten days cannot do any harm?

In any case, we will have no choice but to wait a little bit longer: as I have said, there is simply no way I will be able to obtain the required documents in three days.

My assistant is currently arranging to obtain a visa to enable him to visit Nigeria. I am confident that we will be able to conclude this business within the next week to ten days. Until then, please sit back and wait. I will keep you informed of progress.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Felix Okafor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I will instruct Beaker to look into obtaining a visa

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 14:44:52 +0000 (GMT)

I have directed your mail and questions to the attorney. He will reach you soon.

From: Mark Murray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I will instruct Beaker to look into obtaining a visa

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 14:59:28 +0000 (GMT)

Attn: Gilbert Murray,

Thanks for accepting my apology. I have also received your mail.

Sequel to your queries:

I am not particular about any date, what matters is his early arrival so that we can round up this transaction in the nearest possible time. I will have to enquire from the bank to know how long we have to send the documents.
Beaker will have to stay for at least three days in order to complete this assignment.
I will want Beaker to send me his travel itinerary so that I will go and pick him up in the airport upon arrival, and if I can't go I will send a colleague to pick him up.
About how much money Beaker need to bring with him, Beaker will be expected to come with the document fees of $1,900, three days hotel lodging and accommodation fees of $700, plus attorney fees of $1,500, making it a total of $4,100 (four thousand and one hundred dollars only) in US dollars. Excluding his visa and air ticket to and from.

I will wait for Beaker to send me his travel itinerary.

Best regards,

Mark Murray

CEO, McMurray Chambers & Associates

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Mark Murray

Subject: Thank you for answering my questions so comprehensively

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 15:25:24

Dear Mr Murray,

Thank you for answering my questions so comprehensively. You will be pleased to hear that the wheels are in motion at this end: I gather that Beaker has already been in touch with a Dr Kolade at the Nigerian High Commission in London via email regarding applying for a visa.

Beaker tells me that he has downloaded a visa application form from the internet and that he is going to post it this afternoon. According to Dr Kolade, his business visa should be available for collection at the High Commission on Tuesday of next week. I have instructed Beaker to travel down to London on Tuesday so that he can collect his visa as soon as possible. He will then be free to fly down to visit you and to do whatever is required to obtain the necessary documents.

I will instruct Beaker to liase directly with you regarding any specific queries he has and to send you a copy of his travel itinerary as soon as it is arranged.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Felix Okafor

Subject: Beaker should have a visa by Tuesday next week

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 15:31:03

Dear Mr Okafor,

You will be pleased to hear that matters are progressing nicely. Beaker is filling in a visa application form as we speak and is making arrangements to travel down to London on Tuesday to collect his visa from the Nigerian High Commission. For my part, I have realised that Beaker will need a power of attorney in order to be able to act on my behalf. I will therefore be visiting my own lawyer, Welsby, on Monday morning to obtain such a document.

Talking of lawyers, I was wondering whether it might be worth getting my own lawyer involved in this business? Your attorney Mr Murray seems to be rather a busy man, and I did think that if we got Welsby involved, he might be able to take some of the pressure off Mr Murray.

Welsby's a fine lawyer, and very well-respected in Lincolnshire legal circles. He also charges extremely reasonable fees.

Welsby's got the sharpest legal brain I've ever come across. He proved invaluable last year after an unfortunate incident involving a radical new cable-free, electron magnet-powered passenger lift I had designed, an absent-minded omission on my part to provide it with any safety backup systems during the design stage, and a power cut in the fifty storey skyscraper in which it was installed.

Welsby worked wonders in the ensuing court case. Not only did he manage to get all charges dropped, he also persuaded the judge to award me costs against the bereaved families.

I can't recommend Welsby highly enough. Let me know if you'd like me to contact him, my dear fellow. It might be useful to have him on board.

I will be extremely busy this weekend, working with Mr Ahmadinejad in the workshop. I have therefore instructed Beaker to liase directly with Mr Murray regarding his visit to Nigeria. I am glad to report that Beaker seems to be settling down at last. He is certainly making a fine job of cleaning out the reactor and disposing of the spent fuel rods at the end of each day. If I can only get him to do something about the body odour problem, things will be looking up all round.

Do have a pleasant weekend. I will be back in touch next week.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Beaker

To: Mark Murray

Subject: I HAVE JUST APPLIED FOR MY VISA

Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 16:09:30

Hello Mr Murray,

It is me Beaker again. Mr Murray, not you, the other Mr Murray, told me that I would need something called a visa before I could fly to Nigeria so I looked it up on the internet and I found out that he was right and I printed off a form to apply for a visa and I filled it in and I have just got back from the village where I posted it to the Nigerian High Commission in London.

I emailed someone called Dr Kolade and he told me that if I posted my application to him today I would be able to pick up my visa on Tuesday and so that is what I am going to do because Mr Murray told me that it is very important that we do things quickly.

Mr Murray tells me that you have said that you will meet me at the airport when I fly to Nigeria and that is very kind of you so thank you very much. I have not been abroad before in fact I have not been on a plane before so this trip will be very exciting for me and I am looking forward to it a lot.

Mr Murray tells me that I will need to be in Nigeria for three days. He told me to ask you if you knew any good hotels that I could stay at in Nigeria so could you recommend any to me? Mr Murray told me to make sure that I stayed in a good hotel that has three or four stars and not in some flea ridden doss house as he put it although I do not know what a doss house is.

I will be looking on the internet this weekend at flights to Nigeria and Mr Murray has said that when I find a good flight I am to book it and put the flight on his credit card and to tell you when I will be arriving in Nigeria so that you can come and pick me up at the airport.

There is one more thing Mr Murray. Can you tell me what the weather is like in Nigeria at the moment because it is very cold here but Mr Murray told me that it might be a lot hotter in Nigeria because it is in Africa and he told me to make sure that I bring the right clothes with me because he said that the way I sweat things are bad enough anyway without me making them worse by walking around in the heat in my thick winter thermals.

Thanking you,

Beaker

PS. Do you know any hotels that have three or four stars that have satellite television in the bedrooms because I do not want to miss Chucklevision when I come over to Nigeria?

From: Beaker

To: Mark Murray

Subject: I HAVE BOOKED A FLIGHT TO NIGERIA

Sent: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 09:27:51

Hello Mr Murray,

It is me Beaker again. I have done what Mr Murray, not you, the other Mr Murray, asked me to do and I have booked myself a flight to Nigeria for later this week. Mr Murray told me to email you and tell you when I will be arriving so that you know when to come and meet me at the airport.

Because I am going to London tomorrow to pick up my Nigerian visa from Dr Kolade I am going to fly to Nigeria tomorrow night from Heathrow airport which is far away from here but very near London. I am flying with British Airways and I am leaving Heathrow at 21:30 tomorrow night and my flight arrives at Lagos airport early on Wednesday morning at 04:55 and the flight number is BA0137.

I have booked myself a flight back to London from Lagos as well and that is with British Airways too and that leaves Lagos at 08:15 on Saturday and it gets into Heathrow at 13:35 on Saturday which is good because it means that I should be able to get back to Gypping in the Marsh in time for my tea and that flight number is BA0136.

You have not replied to my last email yet when I asked you if you knew any good hotels that I can stay in. Please send me a reply and suggest any hotels that you think I might like. I suppose I can book myself into a hotel when I get to Nigeria. Maybe when you pick me up from the airport on Wednesday morning you could drive me to a hotel and help me to check in because Nigeria is a foreign country and I have never been abroad before and I might have problems because I do not speak any foreign languages. What language do people speak in Nigeria? If you let me know I will buy a phrasebook at the airport and try to learn a few words like please and thank you and where is the toilet.

Mr Murray has also asked me to ask you if there is anything else I should bring when I come to Nigeria. Is there?

Thanking you,

Beaker

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Felix Okafor

Subject: Beaker has booked his flight

Sent: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 09:33:16

Dear Mr Okafor,

I trust that you had a pleasant weekend. I thought I would send you a quick email before I start work in the workshop this morning with Mr Ahmadinejad to inform you that Beaker has booked his flight to Nigeria. I have instructed him to email your attorney, Mr Murray, with the details so that he will be able to meet Beaker at the airport.

As I mentioned last week, I will be visiting my own lawyer, Welsby, this morning to arrange a power of attorney which will enable Beaker to act on my behalf while he is in Nigeria. I note to my dismay that you have not yet responded to the email that I sent to you on Friday, in which I asked you if you thought it would be worth our while getting Welsby involved in this business transaction of ours. Please let me know your thoughts before lunchtime so that I can approach Welsby on the matter if you think it appropriate.

I have a good feeling about this week, my dear fellow. Now that Beaker has arranged his flights, I see no reason why that $10.5 million should not be safely in my bank account by the end of the week. We will be toasting each other with champagne before too long, you mark my words.

Do get back to me as soon as you can and let me know what you think about getting Welsby involved.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Mark Murray

Subject: Could I ask a favour of you?

Sent: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 09:45:25

Dear Mr Murray,

I do hope that you had a pleasant weekend. Beaker has just informed me that he has emailed you with details of the flight he has booked to Nigeria. I trust that Beaker has given you all of the details that you require.

Now that Beaker's travelling plans have been made, it struck me that I should ask a small favour of you. Could I ask you to look after Beaker while he is in Nigeria? I'm not expecting you to hold his hand all the time, but I would appreciate it if you could do your best to ensure that he doesn't get into any trouble.

Beaker is a bit of a simple soul at heart, you see, and is rather too easily inclined towards taking people at their word. I am rather concerned that any unscrupulous people he comes across may try to take advantage of him as a result of this. If you could see your way towards ensuring that he is alright during his stay, I would be extremely grateful.

Incidentally, even though my telephone is still out of order, Beaker will be travelling to Nigeria with a small long-distance radio transmitter and receiver in his baggage, which he will be able to use to keep in touch with me back here in Gypping in the Marsh. Once you have met up with Beaker, I would very much like it if you could give me a call on the equipment - Beaker will be able to show you how to use it - so that we will be able to talk in person, one to one, at last. Please do remind Beaker about this when you meet him at the airport.

Finally, Beaker mentioned that you have not yet got back to him and recommended a decent hotel. I would appreciate it if you could do so as soon as possible so that Beaker knows where he will be staying while he is in Nigeria. He is much happier if everything is planned out neatly.

I look forward to speaking to you on Wednesday, and to a successful conclusion to this transaction.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Mark Murray; Cc: Felix Okafor

Subject: What is going on at your end?

Sent: Mon, 20 Feb 2006 16:47:17

Mr Murray,

I have just checked my emails and I am disappointed to discover that you have not seen fit to respond to my recent emails. On top of this, Beaker informs me that you have not responded to his emails either.

What on earth is going on at your end? Beaker is travelling over to meet you in Nigeria on Tuesday evening. There are arrangements to be made, Mr Murray, and quickly.

This is no time to be idly sitting back in your chair, fantasising about the contents of your secretary's undergarments; this is a time for action.

I expect better from a first-class lawyer such as yourself. Kindly get back to me immediately, and set about restoring what is left of your reputation in my eyes.

Gilbert Murray

From: Mark Murray

To: Beaker; Cc: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Memo (Urgent)

Sent: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 10:42:01 +0000 (GMT)

I have received your email message with contents well noted, I have as well noted your flight schedule details and have already made a hotel reservation on your behalf. Several arrangements is being put to place here to ensure that your trip to Nigeria is not in vain. As you know there is not much time to this transaction despite the fact a concrete arrangement is being put to place here to facilitate whatever that is to be done.

I will advise that you come along with some gift items for the officials involved to enable them to endorse their signatories on the required documents without much questionings. I will advise that Mr Billy Beaker should put on a black jacket with a red face cap and approach any person that carries a signpost bearing Mr Beaker welcome to Nigeria, then he should know that the person is from me. I hope he has the $4,100 with him.

He should also come with some gift items like as I have stated above ie wristwatches and Panasonic cameras and two female wristwatches for the Finance Minister (Mrs Ngozi Iweala) who will be endorsing the final release document from the Federal Ministry of Finance.

Please scan and send via email attachment your passport copy or an ID for identification at the airport. I will appreciate if you or Beaker give me a call. I will also want you to send me a telephone number where I can reach you or Beaker before his departure to the Federal Republic of Nigeria. It is paramount that I speak with any of you, OK.

Waiting for your telephone number urgently.

Best regards,

Mark Murray

CEO, McMurray Chambers & Associates

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Mark Murray

Subject: Beaker is on his way to the airport

Sent: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 12:25:17

Dear Mr Murray,

I am pleased to see that you have finally deigned to respond to one of my emails. Better late than never, I suppose.

I have to say, Mr Murray, you have not been very helpful over the past few days. Beaker tells me that he emailed you with quite a few questions about his visit to Nigeria, and that you did not have the decency to respond to a single one of them. I only hope that your attitude improves over the next few days while Beaker is over there with you in Nigeria.

Now then, thanks to your delay in responding to my emails, you are too late to get in touch with Beaker. As you would already know if you had read my emails properly, Beaker travelled down to London early this morning to pick up his visa from the Nigerian High Commission. He contacted me earlier using the radio transmitter he is carrying with him to tell me that he had picked up the visa without any problems. Beaker is spending this afternoon doing some sightseeing around London, and will be travelling to Heathrow airport early this evening in time to catch his flight.

As Beaker has already left Gypping in the Marsh, he will be unable to send you a scanned copy of his passport: obviously, he has it with him. However, this should not be a problem, as you will be able to recognise Beaker by his clothing: he will be wearing a beige safari suit and he will be carrying a large leather briefcase, containing the $4,100. I will contact him using the radio transmitter this afternoon and instruct him to purchase a red baseball cap as you requested, and to wear that when he arrives in Nigeria. I will also instruct him to look out for you in Arrivals. Please make sure that the sign you are holding is large and clear.

Regarding the gift items that you mentioned, I will instruct Beaker to purchase some watches from the duty free shop at the airport.

You asked for my telephone number. How many times do I have to tell you that my telephone is out of order at the moment? However, as I have already said, you will be able to contact me using the radio transmitter that Beaker is carrying with him.

I must go: work beckons. I will tell Beaker that you have been in touch. Please ensure that you are not late to meet him at the airport: as I said the other day, Beaker can get flustered easily if things do not go according to plan, and he has never been abroad before.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. I just thought: could I ask you to remind Beaker to take his medication while he is in Nigeria? He has to take it three times a day, and he is somewhat prone to forgetting unless he is reminded. Believe me, Mr Murray, you do not want to see what happens if Beaker doesn't take his medication. It is not a pretty sight.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Raphael Ebube; Cc: Mark Murray

Subject: My assistant is arriving in Nigeria tomorrow morning

Sent: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 12:44:18

Dear Mr Ebube,

A quick note to inform you that my assistant, Beaker, is arriving in Nigeria tomorrow morning to obtain the documents that I need in order to retrieve my inheritance.

He is being met by my lawyer, Barrister Mark Murray (no relation) at the airport early tomorrow morning. Mr Murray will then accompany Beaker as he sorts everything out. I am assuming that Mr Murray will be in contact with you in the very near future to arrange a meeting with Beaker at the bank. I would appreciate it if you could offer Beaker whatever assistance is necessary during his stay in Nigeria.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Beaker

To: Mark Murray

Subject: I HAVE GOT MY VISA

Sent: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 13:42:28

Hello Mr Murray,

It is me Beaker again. I am in London today because I came down here this morning to go to the Nigerian High Commission and pick up my visa which I did and so I have now got my visa so I will be able to come and visit you.

Right now I am in an internet cafe in London. London is a very big place. It is a lot bigger than Gypping in the Marsh and there are a lot more people. I get nervous when there are lots of people about who I do not know. I hope I do not get too nervous when I come to Nigeria.

Mr Murray, not you, the other Mr Murray, called me a bit earlier on the radio transmitter he has given me and he told me that you would be meeting me at the airport and that you would be carrying a sign with my name on it so I will look out for you. I will be wearing a brown safari suit, Mr Murray told me to buy a red hat and wear that so I will look for one this afternoon and I will buy one if I can find one.

Mr Murray also told me to buy some watches when I get to the airport so that I can give them to people as little presents when I meet them. I will buy you a little present too because Mr Murray said that you are going to look after me while I am in Nigeria and that will be my way of thanking you.

Mr Murray told me that you have booked me into a hotel. That is very nice of you so thank you very much. I hope it is a nice one and that it has satellite television so that I do not miss Chucklevision because that is my favourite programme because it is very funny.

I am going to visit the Tower of London now because I have heard that it is very nice. Then I will go to the airport. I will make sure that I get there very early so that I do not miss my flight.

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow morning in the airport.

Thanking you,

Beaker

From: Felix Okafor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: LET US WAIT HIS ARRIVAL

Sent: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 17:10:06 +0000 (GMT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

From all indications I assume we are at the verge of breakthrough, Mr Murray (the attorney) informed me that Beaker has left for Nigeria. I am very happy for this new developments and I want to thank you for all your effort and concerns so far. I assure you that I will take good care of him all through the days he will be here in my country. Immediately he arrives the attorney will go and pick him up at the airport. We have also arranged a hotel where he will lodge for the number of days he will be here. I will buy him gifts to send to you when he is through with his assignment here, when he will be going back.

Finally I want you to remind him that he must disclose or discuss this transaction with any third party (sic) while he is here. This is for security reasons. I hope you understand what I mean? He must take instructions, directives and adhere strictly to the directives of the attorney.

Let us wait for his arrival.

Best wishes,

Felix Abua Okafor

From: Felix Okafor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: THERE IS NO NEED

Sent: Tue, 21 Feb 2006 17:17:26 +0000 (GMT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

There is no need for you to involve your own lawyer as the claim is not in your country. The claim is with Standard Trust Bank Plc here in my country. Mr Mark Murray will handle all legal aspect for a successful transfer of this fund to you. I will also follow up things from my office. And remember this transaction must not be disclosed to any third party until we conclude. This is to avoid any problem of any sort.

Best wishes,

Felix Abua Okafor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Mark Murray; Cc: Felix Okafor

Subject: Beaker was detained by Customs officials at the airport

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 09:52:17

Dear Mr Murray,

I have just received a call from Beaker on the portable radio transmitter. Apparently he was detained by Customs officials when he arrived in Lagos and he has only just been released. The poor man sounds extremely distressed.

Apparently the Customs officials searched Beaker's baggage and when they found the $4,100 he was carrying they demanded to know why he was carrying such a large amount of money. They also wanted to know why he was carrying a portable radio transmitter.

Beaker is not good at explaining things at the best of times, and he tells me that he got extremely flustered. Apparently the Customs officials detained him for just over four hours, and questioned him remorselessly.

Beaker assures me that he told them nothing at all about our transaction, and that he just about managed to persuade them that he was engaged on a business transaction. Finally the Customs officials let him go, but only after he had agreed to give them the watches that he purchased at Heathrow airport as a small bribe.

By the time Beaker was released by the Customs officials, he found that you were nowhere to be seen in the airport, which distressed him even more. That is when he contacted me using the radio transmitter.

I can only assume that you left the airport when Beaker failed to emerge into the arrivals hall. That is quite understandable: how were you to know that he had been detained by Customs?

However, this now leaves us in an awkward situation. Beaker is now at the airport and sounds extremely upset and worried. By the sound of things, I don't think he has taken his medication, and that is not a good thing.

I have tried to calm Beaker down as much as possible, but what we really need to do is for you to meet up with him as soon as possible. To this end, I have instructed Beaker to wait in the arrivals hall, and I have told him that I would contact you and ensure that you got back to the airport as soon as possible to pick him up.

I do apologise for any inconvenience this must have caused you. This has not been a promising start to our transaction. However, now that Beaker has been released, it is now imperative that you go to collect him as soon as possible. I am extremely worried about him: he does not react well to stressful situations, especially when he hasn't taken his medication.

Please get back to me immediately and let me know what time you expect to be back at the airport. I will then contact Beaker and let him know what time you will be arriving. If you could also suggest a place in the airport to meet Beaker, I will pass this on to him and ensure that he is there when you arrive.

I hope to hear from you as soon as you read this email.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. As soon as you meet up with Beaker, could you please ensure that he takes his medication immediately? He must take two of the red pills, one blue capsule and three of the small green pills.

From: Mark Murray

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: BEAKER WHERE ARE YOU?

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 10:03:43 +0000 (GMT)

DEAR GILBERT MURRAY,

WHAT EXACTLY IS HAPPENING? BEAKER WHERE ARE YOU???

WE HAVE BEEN IN THE AIRPORT SINCE 4AM WAITING FOR YOU TO ARRIVE.

THE BRITISH AIRWAYS BOA PLANE ARRIVED BUT WE CANNOT SEE BEAKER. YOU SAID BEAKER WILL BE WEARING A BEIGE SAFARI SUIT AND HE WILL BE CARRYING A LARGE LEATHER BRIEFCASE, THERE IS NOBODY PUTTING ON THIS TYPE OF ATTIRE. WHAT IS YOUR FLIGHT SEAT NUMBER?

PLEASE GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY. RIGHT NOW I AM SENDING YOU THIS MAIL FROM AN INTERNET CAFE IN THE AIRPORT.

PLEASE CALL BEAKER ON THE RADIO TRANSMITTER SO THAT WE KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING. ARE YOU SURE BEAKER BOARDED THE FLIGHT???

YOU CAN AS WELL USE A PUBLIC PHONE TO CALL ME IMMEDIATELY ON TEL: +234-8033863087.

PLEASE GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY. MY TEMPERAMENT IS WEARING THIN.

MARK MURRAY

From: Felix Okafor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: PLEASE REACH BEAKER ASAP

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 10:09:18 +0000 (GMT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

Due to my work, I was unable to go to the airport with the attorney. The attorney and some colleagues have been arranged to pick Beaker up this morning from the airport.

But however I just received a call now from the attorney Barrister Mark Murray that they have been in the airport since 4 o'clock am waiting for Beaker's arrival and that to their greatest surprise Beaker is not among the passengers that arrived at Lagos airport early on Wednesday morning at 04:55 with flight number BA0137.

Could you please as a matter of urgency reach him via the radio transmitter with him to know the present situation of things and where he is right now?

Please get back to us immediately.

Regards,

Felix Abua Okafor

NB. I am not happy about the issue of poor communication network between us. Why can't Beaker call me or the attorney?

From: Felix Okafor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Beaker was detained by Customs officials at the airport

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 10:24:05 +0000 (GMT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I just received your email, stating that Beaker was detained by the Customs. I hope he did not disclose this transaction to them???

Please remind him again that on no account must he disclose anything relating to this transaction to anybody no matter what.

I will reach the attorney immediately and notify him of this development, I pray he is still at the airport. Meanwhile reach Beaker through the transmitter and tell him to wait at the arrival of the airport. The attorney will come for him any moment from now.

Please tell Beaker to be patient. They will be right there on time to pick him up.

Best wishes,

Felix Abua Okafor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Felix Okafor; Cc: Mark Murray

Subject: Beaker is now on his way to a hotel

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 10:42:57

Dear Mr Okafor,

I have just received your emails, and one from Mr Murray. I am terribly sorry for all this confusion. I did not realise that Mr Murray had been waiting at the airport for all this time. I cannot understand why Beaker failed to meet up with him. I can only assume that in his distressed state he failed to see the sign that Mr Murray was holding.

I have just spoken to Beaker on the radio transmitter, and I am afraid to say that things appear to be going from bad to worse. Beaker is now in a very distressed state. He told me that a strange man started bothering him at the airport. Apparently he simply wouldn't leave Beaker alone. In the end, Beaker said that the only way he could get away from the man was to leave the airport and get into a taxi. He was in the taxi when I spoke to him on the radio transmitter.

Beaker tells me that he has asked the taxi driver to take him to a hotel where he will feel safe. He tells me that the hotel he is going to is called the Eko Hotels And Suites and that according to the taxi driver it is located on Adetokunbo Ademola Street on Victoria Island (I apologise if I have not spelled that correctly). The taxi driver has assured him that it is a good hotel and that he will be fine there.

I have told Beaker that as soon as he gets to the hotel he should go to the hotel lounge, sit down, take his medication, calm down and wait for Mr Murray to pick him up there.

Please, Mr Okafor, there is no time to waste. Beaker is in a terrible state. He has definitely not taken his medication: he is starting to become confused and his words are becoming slurred. Please contact Mr Murray immediately and ask him to hasten to the hotel right away with his colleagues to pick up Beaker from the hotel lounge.

Please get back to me immediately to confirm that Mr Murray will meet Beaker in the hotel lounge. I will then call Beaker back on the radio transmitter and let him know that Mr Murray will be arriving soon.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Beaker tells me that he was not in fact wearing his beige safari suit when he arrived at the airport. Apparently he spilled coffee down the front of it while he was waiting for his flight, so he changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt which is what he is wearing now. I suppose that could explain why Mr Murray failed to spot him.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Felix Okafor; Cc: Mark Murray

Subject: What is going on over there?

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 12:05:12

Dear Mr Okafor,

What is going on over there? I have just had another call from Beaker to tell me that Mr Murray and his gang have still not collected him from the hotel lounge.

There is no time to waste, Mr Okafor. Beaker is sounding increasingly incoherent and confused and I am seriously worried about him. He needs someone to make sure that he takes his medication.

Please send Mr Murray and his henchmen to the hotel immediately, and get back to me as soon as you have done so.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Felix Okafor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: ARE YOU PLAYING GAMES WITH ME???

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 12:47:30 +0000 (GMT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

I am sick and tired of all this whole bullshit!!!!!!!!!!

What exactly is happening? I called the attorney to notify him of the reason why they were unable to meet with Beaker. The attorney is presently in Eko Hotel and Suites and Beaker is nowhere to be found. Are you sure you are not playing over my intelligence?

In fact I am beginning to conclude within my mind that Beaker never boarded the flight in the first place? If he did how come his name (BILLY BEAKER) is not in the passengers list? HOW COME HE DID NOT PUT ON THE AGREED DRESS CODE??? And when and where did Customs pick him from? I just called the Controller of Customs attached to the airport but no Beaker was picked or detained. Please reconfirm the flight Billy Beaker boarded, and when did he arrive?

How come he cannot call me or the attorney at least to notify us of his arrival and where he is presently?

Your last mail to me is that he has taken a taxi to EKO HOTELS AND SUITES, I had to take permission from my office to join the attorney in the airport and we left to the Eko Hotels and Suites only for us to get there and he is not there. All enquiry within the lounge as to know if there is any customer by the name Billy Beaker shows there is no such person in the entire hotel.

Mr Gilbert I must be frank with you. I am sick and tired of all this trash. I told you to send this money through Western Union money transfer but you insisted that Beaker will come down, now can you imagine all the stress we are passing through? Moreover the bank have issued me another ultimatum which I am sure they have also sent to you to notify you that if by the end of Wednesday 22nd 2006 you could not send the required documents to the document processing unit of the bank for authentication and approval, the bank will be left with no other option other than to cancel this fund.

And I hope you know if they cancel this fund it will be very hard to resuscitate.

If you are serious please go to a public phone booth and call me or the attorney now. Or tell Beaker to call.

Worried,

Felix Abua Okafor

From: Felix Okafor

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: What is going on over there?

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 12:56:11 +0000 (GMT)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

If really Beaker is in Eko Hotels and Suites ask Beaker to send us the hotel lounge phone number so that we can call him and know where he is.

I await the hotel lounge telephone number so that we can speak with him.

Worried,

Felix Abua Okafor

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Felix Okafor; Cc: Mark Murray

Subject: We need to work together to sort this out

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 14:22:31

Mr Okafor,

I have just read your most recent emails. To be frank, sir, I found both the insinuations that you chose to make and the language in which you chose to make them insulting in the extreme. I do not take kindly to foul language. Nor do I take kindly to having my word - the word of an Englishman - doubted.

However, for the sake of our business relationship, I shall deal with the points that you have raised.

Firstly, you asked why Beaker's name did not appear in the airline's passenger list. That is probably because Beaker would have booked the flight using his first name: Billy - or William to be exact - is his middle name, which he prefers to use.

Secondly, you asked why Beaker did not wear the agreed dress code. I have already told you that he apparently spilled coffee down the front of his safari suit at Heathrow airport and therefore had to change clothes.

Thirdly, you asked why Beaker cannot call you or the attorney. Believe me, Mr Okafor, I have given Beaker your telephone number, and that of Mr Murray, and I have asked him to call you. I can only put the fact that he has obviously not done so down to his increasingly confused state which has been brought on by his failure to take his medication.

Fourthly, you asked why the Controller of Customs denied having detained anyone called Beaker this morning. Given the fact that the Customs officials only let Beaker go after he had bribed them with the watches he had bought, do you really think that the Controller of Customs would admit to this? It would not surprise me at all if the Customs agents had erased all mention of Beaker's detention from their records, in order to prevent people from finding out about their corrupt activities.

Fifthly, you asked why Beaker is not in the hotel where he said he would be. I have to admit, this was as much of a mystery - and a concern - to me as it was to you. I have just called Beaker using the radio transmitter to find out exactly where he is. Unfortunately, he seems to be in an even worse state than he was before, and he rambled somewhat incoherently when I spoke to him.

From what I can make out, Beaker did indeed arrive at the hotel by taxi. However, he said that he quickly became worried that the hotel staff were watching him for some reason - Beaker does tend to feel paranoid if he does not take his medication - and he told me that he felt so deeply uncomfortable that he left. From what I can understand, Beaker is now walking the streets of Lagos. I tried to make him understand that he should return to the hotel and call you, but I could not make him see sense in the state he is currently in.

At this point, Mr Okafor, I would like to emphasise the gravity of the current situation. Because he has not taken his medication, Beaker is now in a paranoid, incoherent and confused state. If he does not take his medication again soon, he will quickly become delusional: I have seen this happen to him before. To make matters worse, Beaker is currently wandering around the streets of Lagos, carrying $4,100 of my money in a briefcase.

As I am sure you can appreciate, I am extremely worried about Beaker... and about my money too. Who knows what rogues and rapscallions there are on the streets of Lagos? Anything could happen to the man if we cannot make him see reason.

Mr Okafor, we need to work together on this. The last thing we need is for us to fall out and start apportioning blame to each other. What we need to do is to deal with the situation in which we find ourselves.

I am going to call Beaker again as soon as I have sent you this email. I am going to instruct Beaker to enter the first hotel he comes across, to sit in the lounge and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES to move out of the lounge. I will instruct him to call me once he has found a hotel. I will then forward the hotel details on to you. Hopefully you and Mr Murray will then be able to go and meet Beaker.

Mr Okafor, Beaker is sick. Please try to understand that he needs our help. If we do not work together on this, not only are we in danger of losing the $4,100 and jeopardising this whole transaction, but I am deeply worried about Beaker's health and safety.

I only hope that I can get through to Beaker and make him see sense before his condition deteriorates too far. I will get back to you as soon as I know exactly where Beaker is.

Do I have your agreement to work together on this? Please let me know by return.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Felix Okafor; Cc: Mark Murray

Subject: I have managed to get through to Beaker

Sent: Wed, 22 Feb 2006 16:31:09

Dear Mr Okafor,

Good news, my dear fellow. I have managed to get through to Beaker on the radio transmitter, and what is more I have managed to make him understand the situation.

It wasn't easy, given Beaker's current condition, but I must have caught him at a relatively lucid moment, as I was able to make him understand that he needed to get to a hotel and stay put there and wait for you and Mr Murray to come and pick him up. I also managed to persuade him to take his medication.

I am happy to report that Beaker has now complied with my instructions. He has since contacted me again and he tells me that he has found his way to a hotel called the Sheraton Hotel and Towers, and that he has indeed taken his medication. He seemed far more coherent than he has been all day.

Beaker tells me that he is now seated in Goodies Pub within the hotel: he said that he was attracted to it because it has satellite television. He tells me that he is hoping to be able to catch today's episode of Chucklevision (whatever that is). Apparently he has made friends with a jolly nice fellow called Mr Abacha, who Beaker tells me has some very interesting business ideas.

Beaker certainly seems to have calmed down significantly since this morning. I think that his experience in Customs this morning must have shaken him up somewhat, and the confusion of the rest of the day, exacerbated by his failure to take his medication, just seemed to make things worse.

Anyway, now that we know where Beaker is located, I would appreciate it if you and Mr Murray and his gang could please do your best to go and meet Beaker as soon as possible.

Kindly get back to me as soon as you have met up with Beaker. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the trials and tribulations of the day are all behind us now.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Felix Okafor; Cc: Mark Murray

Subject: I have been extremely disappointed by your attitude

Sent: Thu, 23 Feb 2006 10:19:28

Dear Mr Okafor,

I have been extremely disappointed by the attitude you have adopted over the past couple of days. Beaker took the time and trouble to travel all the way over to Nigeria to work on your transaction, yet he told me this morning that you and Mr Murray did not have the common decency to travel to meet him at the Sheraton Hotel and Towers yesterday.

Happily though, it appears that Beaker's time has not been completely wasted. As I mentioned yesterday, he got chatting to a very nice fellow called Abacha, who has put forward what appears to be a very lucrative business proposal. If things are as they seem, it would appear that Mr Abacha's proposal will be even more profitable than the one that you put forward.

Given the fact that you have let Beaker and I down disgracefully, and the fact that Mr Abacha puts himself forward in a far more businesslike manner than you and Mr Murray have ever done, I have instructed Beaker to move forward with Mr Abacha's proposal. If what Mr Abacha says is correct, I am confident that I will see a decent return on my investment in a very short time.

Incidentally, Beaker tells me that he explained everything that happened yesterday to Mr Abacha, and he tells me that in Mr Abacha's opinion you and Mr Murray are "a pair of mugus". He is also of the opinion that the two of you are "bingo mumu mahus". I have to admit that I am not entirely sure what these phrases mean. Perhaps they are Nigerian banking terms.

I wish that I could say that it has been nice doing business with you. However, I cannot. You and Mr Murray are entirely to blame for fouling up this transaction. If the two of you are incapable of carrying out the simple task of picking up a man at an airport, God only knows how you expected to complete the rest of that complex transaction. I would be surprised if you are capable of putting your trousers on in the morning without falling over.

Finally, may I suggest that you and Mr Murray consider looking for an alternative careers... ones more suited to your obviously limited mental capacities? There must be plenty of toilets that need cleaning in Lagos. With a considerable amount of training and dedication, I am sure that you and Mr Murray would be able to master that job... well, maybe after a year or two.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray