Thank you for your emails. I apologise for my delay in responding to you, but I have been away for the weekend, visiting my old Aunt Sally with my cousin Worzel. We had a splendid time. Aunt Sally used to work in a fairground in her youth, and regaled us with many amusing stories and reminiscences. Worzel enjoyed it especially: he has always had a soft spot for Aunt Sally.

Unfortunately, I got back to Gypping in the Marsh this evening to find that Beaker has been messing about with my invisible paint. He has coated a number of items with it, including his bicycle and his razor. Coating his razor with invisible paint was a particularly bad move: he cut his face to ribbons when he shaved this morning.

Incidentally, you asked for a sample of my paint. I am afraid that I am unable to send you any. I had to sign the Official Secrets Act when I started working for the MOD, and I would be breaking the terms of the act if I sent a sample of the paint to anyone in another country. However, I will be more than happy to demonstrate the paint's remarkable properties when you visit this country after we conclude our transaction. I also hope to be able to demonstrate the "dark bulb" I am currently working on. Success eludes me here at the moment, but I am hoping that I will make significant progress this week.

Now, back to business. You say that you think age is clouding Mr Williams' mind? It was you that insisted that we use his services in the first place, Dr Danbaba. If you knew all along that Mr Williams was a senile old buffer with failing mental capacities, why on earth did you insist that we use him for our transaction? As I have told you before, Dr Danbaba, I am convinced that if we had engaged the services of the eminent Mr Welsby, everything would have been done and dusted by now.

No matter. As we are so close to the conclusion of our transaction, I suppose we must just keep our fingers crossed and hope that Mr Williams is able to conclude matters without making any more outrageous cock-ups.

I am pleased to hear that Mrs Ogunbiyi is willing to accept Mr Williams' second attempt at producing an affidavit, despite its shortcomings. I will therefore arrange to transfer the money to Mr Williams first thing tomorrow morning. I will keep you informed as to our progress.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: A most unfortunate development

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 09:27:31

Mr Williams,

I was planning to transfer your fees to you this morning. However, I have just received the following email from my main contact at the Ministry of Defence, for whom I am carrying out some development work at the moment:

Dear Gilbert,

I am writing to you on a matter of some delicacy. It has been brought to my attention by our security people that you were involved last week in an attempted monetary transaction with a foreign bank account that is blacklisted by our security database. I am sure you are aware of the transaction I am referring to.

Given the nature of the work you are carrying out on our behalf, you are well aware of the need for the utmost security in all your dealings. I was therefore very surprised when I was handed details of the attempted transaction. The bank account to which you attempted to transfer money is blacklisted in our database as we have reason to believe that it is being operated by people involved in sundry criminal activities.

Just as I am sure that there is a perfectly innocent explanation for this, I am also sure that you can appreciate the need for us to investigate this matter further. Therefore I have made arrangements for two of our intelligence personnel, Sergeant Wilson and Corporal Jones, to interview you tomorrow (Tuesday). I shall be accompanying them. I trust this is convenient for you. We will arrive at 10am sharp, and you can expect the interview to last for approximately four to five hours.

Please do not worry, Gilbert. I am sure that you will be able to explain yourself to Wilson and Jones and that matters will be cleared up to everyone's satisfaction.

Regards,

Captain Mainwearing

Head of Developmental Research, Ministry of Defence

PS. Could you please ensure that your assistant Beaker is out of the way for the day? After what happened last time we met, I have no wish to be anywhere near the man. My daughter still has nightmares.

I told you last week that your interminable bungling could cost me my job, and now look what has happened! This is extremely serious for me. My work for the MOD is extremely sensitive, and thanks to you I have now got myself involved with some shady Taiwanese crook and incurred the wrath of my employer.

To be perfectly honest with you, Mr Williams, I do not quite know how I am going to explain all this tomorrow. But as it now appears that the MOD is keeping tabs on my bank account (either that or they are tracking WABITS), there is simply no way that I can consider transferring your fee to you via another potentially shady contact.

I must insist that you come up with an alternative method for me to get your fee to you. How about Western Union? GIMPS? Travellers' cheques?

Get back to me as soon as you can with an alternative proposal, Mr Williams. This transaction has been dragging on for weeks now, thanks to you. I need to see action from you, Mr Williams.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Fwd: A most unfortunate development

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 09:31:53

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am forwarding you an email that I have just sent to Mr Williams.

This damn lawyer could cost me my job! I knew something like this could happen.

What am I to do, Dr Danbaba? The MOD has somehow found out about the money I tried to send to Mr Lin. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised; the MOD has always kept a tight reign on its suppliers for reasons of security, and they have eyes everywhere. I can only think that they must have been monitoring either my bank account, or the WABITS system.

What should I tell them, Dr Danbaba? Obviously, I don't want to give away details of our transaction. But I can't think of any other good excuse for why I was trying to transfer money to Mr Lin. Have you got any ideas?

This could cost me my job, or even worse, Dr Danbaba. I wish to God that I had never agreed to do business with your lawyer. He's turned out to be about as useful as a chocolate crucible.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The fund release order must be signed first

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 01:46:02 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I will advise you to send the money to the lawyer immediately and after that if the MOD contacts you and asks you questions, tell them that Mr Lin is a supplier you want to get some of your working materials from.

This is very important. Tell them that you got the contact of Mr Lin from the net, but you must send the money to the lawyer immediately to enable him to move ahead and conclude this transaction first. Send the money immediately and I will tell you when to open up to the MOD.

I was thinking, your account details is your own privacy, so why is the MOD watching your transactions?

Please inform me as soon as you have sent the money to the lawyer.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I will transfer the money to Mr Williams tomorrow

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 01:56:51 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

You must do everything possible to send the money to the lawyer today. I am not comfortable with this new development, but we are talking about over $148 million dollars, so every other thing must be secondary.

I have told you that I guarantee that your expenses will be refunded after this transaction. I do not want us to waste further time now that signing the fund release order is the final step, so get to action and send the money immediately.

I understand all you said about the invisible paint. There is no problem if you cannot send me a sample, but one thing you have to understand is the fact that a huge amount is involved.

You can tell the MOD that your friend who is involved in research had wanted you to assist him financially and so provided an account of Mr Lin, not knowing that the said account was blacked out. That's OK, but first of all make sure that you send the money to the lawyer today.

Do not worry about the new account he provided. I assure you that nothing will happen to your money as Barr Williams did sign an undertaking on that, so feel free and conclude this transaction immediately.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Sorry that I caused you this embarrassment

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 02:07:36 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

If I can sign the fund release order after confirming that you sent the money today, I will advise the bank to write to the Ministry of Defence on your behalf. This is very important because the signing of the fund release order would put the bank in a better position to forward an explanatory message to whomsoever it concerns about Mr Luke Lin's account.

However, it is quite unfortunate that I caused you this ugly development. I hope you would forward to me the document with which you send the money so that I can sign the release order.

Thank you and God bless.

Barr Akintola Williams

From: Victoria Ogunbiyi

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: That is excellent news

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 09:14:19 +0000

Sir,

I will advise that you notify me as soon as you have made the payment to Barr Akintola Williams SAN so that I can facilitate the signing of the fund release order.

Sincerely,

Victoria Ogunbiyi (Mrs)

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: The MOD

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 10:44:43

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your emails. You say that you are not comfortable with this new development. Well I can tell you, Dr Danbaba, I am more than uncomfortable with it. I am distraught!

Now that I know the MOD is monitoring my bank account, there is simply no way I can risk sending the lawyer's fee to another potentially dodgy foreign bank account. What if this "Ng Pui Man Connie" turns out to be a crook as well? I don't like the sound of his name for a start. I thought "Connie" was a woman's name. How can I trust a man who has a woman's name? It all sounds very dodgy to me.

There is no way around it, Dr Danbaba. Mr Williams will have to come up with an alternative method for me to get his fee to him. I simply cannot risk another potentially embarrassing situation like this.

Your idea of telling the MOD that Mr Lin is a supplier of mine is quite a good one, Dr Danbaba. Although having said that, if they start asking me what materials Mr Lin was going to supply me with, I would not know what to say. Presumably they have some information on this Lin chap. Do you know what line of business he's in? It would give the game away immediately if I tell Wilson and Jones that I was trying to purchase some chemicals off Mr Lin, and it turns out he makes ladies' underwear.

This is all most distressing. I am so worried about tomorrow. My entire future rests on this security interview. If it goes badly, I could be barred from working for the MOD, or any governmental department, for ever.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: Are you mad?

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 10:47:51

Mr Williams,

Are you mad? READ MY LAST EMAIL AGAIN. Given the events of today, I have told you that there is no way I can consider transferring your fees to you via some dodgy foreign bank account.

You will have to come up with some other way for me to get your fees to you.

One of your bank colleagues told me the other day that he thought you were senile. I have to say, given your recent performance, he seems to be correct.

Get back to me with a sensible solution, and stop wittering on about this "Ng Pui Man Connie" character.

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Mr Ng Pui Man Connie is a man of integrity, I know him quite well

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 03:20:18 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Is it Mr Ng Pui Man Connie that the lawyer asked you to send the money to his account? Well I know the man personally. His family is here in Nigeria and we manage his account.

Please feel free to use this man's account. He has a manufacturing firm here in Nigeria so do not be scared again. This one will sail through, I assure you, as far as it is Ng Pui Man Connie's account. Please, I want you to make this sacrifice if you can, please do this for us.

As for the MOD, tell them that you were negotiating to buy chemicals from Mr Lin. Mr Lin is an international businessman. He is into manufacturing too.

Dear Murray, believe me, there will not be any problem if it is Mr Ng Pui Man Connie that the lawyer gave to you. You didn't tell me this all along.

Do let me know as soon as you send the money to him. Please conclude whatever with the lawyer. I only want him to sign the release order and hand over this transaction.

I await your response.

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I must insist on an alternative method of paying the lawyer

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 11:45:05

Dear Dr Danbaba,

You may well vouch for this shady "Ng Pui Man Connie" character, and consider him to be an honest businessman. However, Mrs Obunbiyi said precisely the same thing about Luke Lin, and he turned out to be a crook.

I am sorry, Dr Danbaba, but I must insist on an alternative method of paying the lawyer.

I have the money in my bank account, ready to be sent. But I have my reputation to consider. I will not transfer this money to another Taiwanese businessman of dubious repute. There must be some other way.

I have suggested to Mr Williams that I either send the money to him via Western Union, GIMPS or travellers' cheques. I am waiting for a response to see what he suggests. Do you have any ideas?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I want the FRO signed as quickly as possible, Mr Murray

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 03:49:01 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I just called "Ng Pui Man Connie" and he confirmed that he told Barr Williams that if you send the money today by wire and there is a document of proof of payment that he would give the money to Barr Williams upfront. You can now see that everything is under control, so feel free and get the lawyer to sign the fund release order at least by tomorrow. As far as you can send the document of proof of payment.

I do not want us to prolong this transaction with the lawyer. We have heard enough of this lawyer so I want you to complete this transaction with him today. Send to me also the evidence of payment when made.

Please handle everything with caution. Since you said you are scared if "Ng Pui Man Connie" turns out to be another crook of Barr Williams, do not worry. The bank knows about everything now. You can be rest assured that your interest is protected. Feel free and send the money. All I need is the evidence that you have sent the money to Ng Pui Man Connie.

I must thank you for the maturity with which you have been handling this transaction in the light of the embarrassment Barr Williams caused, but I assure you that "Ng Pui Man Connie" is clean. I have checked out the man. There will never be any other embarrassment.

Look, this is our money. We must not allow the carelessness of this lawyer to draw us back. I know it is my fault to have introduced him but I was backing on his influence, so please send the money to him so that he can conclude the transaction. The lawyer is not bothered because it is not his personal money. You must realise this and get this transaction finished today. I will be pleased to hear that you get him to sign the release order.

Have you heard from the bank? Do let me know whether you have heard from Mrs Ogunbiyi.

There is no problem, move ahead and make the payment to "Ng Pui Man Connie".

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I do not think the lawyer has a better option

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 04:00:19 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I assure you that I know Ng Pui Man Connie myself. I am not Mrs Ogunbiyi or Barr Williams. I am more directly involved with this transfer than any other person so I won't be the one to suggest an embarrassing account to you.

There is no other means to get the fund transferred other than through an account, so if you want to help me then send the money to the account Ng Pui Man Connie because I know this man in person and he lives among us. I guarantee that he will not embarrass us.

Good thing I told him about the experience we had with Mr Lin. I told him that he will be arrested if there is any embarrassment whatsoever and he said OK, so why the fears?

I also spoke with Ng Pui Man Connie's personal lawyer about this and he vouched for him, so what else do you want me to do on this matter? I am directly involved, so send the money this time to this man that I know quite well. He is presently here in Nigeria and if you send the money he will pay instantly. I can track him myself with proof of payment.

This is as much as I can say. I know that the lawyer Barr Williams has no other option to get money other than through an account.

Please do help us to get this done once and for all Mr Murray.

Best regards,

Danbaba

From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: MONKEY BUSINESS

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 12:06:15

Hello Dr Baba,

Have you had time to think about my proposal yet? I am really keen to get started on this so please let me know soon. Have you talked about it to Mr Murray?

Now is probably not a good time to talk about it to Mr Murray because he is not in a good mood today. I do not know what the problem is but he told me that some people from the Ministry of Defence are coming to see him tomorrow and he does not sound happy. I asked him if you were coming here tomorrow but he said that you were not.

Mr Murray has told me to keep out of the way all day. One of the people who is coming to visit is Captain Mainwearing and he does not like me because of an unfortunate misunderstanding involving his daughter. I don't think that is fair because I was only trying to find Captain Mainwearing's bathroom and I did not mean to walk into his daughter's bedroom while she was asleep and it was dark in there and I tripped and fell and put my hands out to stop my fall and I did not mean to put my hands where they ended up and I was only trying to be friendly anyway.

I have decided that I will go into the village and see if I can catch Ringo. Ringo is still living at the greengrocers and the greengrocer still thinks his shop is haunted. I found Ringo's invisible cage last night when I walked into it so I will take that with me and see if I can catch him.

If I manage to catch Ringo the greengrocer will probably be very pleased and he might give me a discount on buying bananas in bulk so that could save us some money for our project.

If I manage to catch Ringo I will see if I can scrub Mr Murray's paint off him so that we can see him again and then we will have our first monkey for our project.

Thanking you,

Beaker

From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I have no other alternative

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 04:17:57 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

You made me sign an undertaking for personal responsibility at the bank. If that is not enough for you to send the money in the name of Ng Pui Man Connie's account, well that is the best I can do.

I am a very busy person so if you really want me to represent you then send the money. If not, think of a way of paying me off for the sworn affidavit I swore for you. You have called me names on this matter and I think that is enough. I did apologise for my mistakes yet you cannot forgive me, so what do you want me to do?

Send the money to Ng Pui Man Connie's account if you still want me to represent you. I do not have any other alternative than this.

Thanks for your patronage all the same.

Barr Akintola Williams SAN

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: We are going round in circles

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 12:19:42

Dear Dr Danbaba,

We are going round in circles. I tell you that I am not prepared to transfer this money to some shady third party I have never heard of before, and you tell me there is no other way.

This is plainly ridiculous, Dr Danbaba. You work for a bank. In fact, you work for "one of the biggest banks in Africa", as you told me right at the start. The lawyer also works for the bank. And yet you are telling me that there is no way I can get money to this lawyer other than transferring it to an account at an entirely separate bank, in Hong Kong of all places.

Piffle, Dr Danbaba! Poppycock! Can you not see how preposterous this is?

There must be some way I can transfer the money directly to your bank.

I have an idea. I know and trust you. So give me your bank details and I will transfer the money to you. You can pass the money on to the useless lawyer. Not that he deserves any of it, in my opinion.

I have an appointment at one of my suppliers this afternoon and I have to leave shortly, so I will not be able to transfer the money to you today. However, send me your details and I will transfer the money tomorrow, after Captain Mainwearing and his men have left.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: I have no more time for this matter today

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 12:32:37

Mr Williams,

Thank you for your email. Despite your performance in this matter so far, I do indeed wish to retain your services in this business. I have no choice but to do so.

I am sure that we will find an acceptable method for me to get your fees to you. In fact I am discussing alternatives with one of your colleagues at the bank.

Unfortunately, I am spending this afternoon at one of my suppliers, so I have no more time for this matter today. I will contact you tomorrow, after Captain Mainwearing has departed.

Hopefully I will still have a job by the end of tomorrow. Although if I do, it will be no thanks to you.

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: We are going round in circles

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 04:34:19 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I am disappointed that you do not have confidence in me on this matter. I have told you that I do not want a third party and as such you should deal with the lawyer directly.

I am an employee of the bank for that matter and you know pretty well the transaction we are dealing with, so we have to consider safety first.

Please use the lawyer's account that will be safer for us. I do not have an international account here in Nigeria so you cannot send the money to me. There are several transfers done in my branch for business people and they do it through correspondence banking, so except you want me to get Ng Connie's lawyer to write to you to assure you of his client's character.

This is our sure bet, or can you come to Nigeria?

I want this transaction to end today. Please get him to sign the fund release order. I cannot think of any other thing except if you would come yourself and sign the fund release order.

Danbaba

From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have no more time for this matter today

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 04:38:44 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I still would like to apologise for Mr Luke Lin's incident. I pray that it does not further endanger your appointment with the MOD. I feel guilty for this and I am really very very sorry.

Barr Akintola Williams

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Then come and see things for yourself

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 04:47:37 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I think it is better that you come to Nigeria so that you and I will travel back after signing the fund release order. Do let me know if you can come.

Does your work allow you to travel? I do not know what else to tell you. I do not want to pressurise you again on this. If you have had a domiciliary account with my bank, I would have used the bank's account for the transaction, but since you do not have one or any domiciliary account from any bank here in Africa, this will not be possible.

I do not know what else to do. I will be closing for work a few hours from now because I do not feel good about this transaction any more. My morale is low.

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: We are going round in circles

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 07:00:28 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I want to hear from you your final position because as things stand now it appears the only way forward is by you coming to Nigeria to conclude this transaction. That will equally afford you the opportunity of knowing much of our custom and traditions. It would be a wonderful experience for you, only that it will have to delay this transaction for some time. I think this is the only option left for us.

Did you get any mail from the lawyer? Has he devised any alternative on this issue?

I am on my way home from the office although I will get to the cafe later in the evening to check if you sent a mail. However, I contacted Ng Connie and asked him to get his lawyer involved and he assured me that he will get his lawyer to write you a confidence-assuring mail. Have you heard from any lawyer other than Barr Williams?

As you can see, I feel sick that this transfer seems not to be effected by tomorrow. Time is money, they say, and the opportunity of a lifetime should be realised within the lifetime of the opportunity.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Did you hear from Connie's lawyer?

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 07:27:41 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Have you heard from Ng Pui Man Connie's lawyer? I talked to the man and explained to him and he told me he would get his attorney to write you. Please do let me know the development.

I am making a last effort to see if you could send the money today because Ng Pui Man Connie assured me that he will pay the money to Barr Williams as soon as he confirms that the money was sent to him. I do not like dealing with lawyers but I have to do all I can within my reach.

However, if you have decided to come to Nigeria by yourself, do let me know. What about sending travellers' cheques to the lawyer? Did you discuss that with him? Only that it will take him time to cash it, say more than a week, that will take time. I still maintain that using Ng Pui Man Connie's account is better because I know the man in question and he has assured that payment will be made on provision of a payment slip.

Please have a rethink and see reason with me. I do not know why this lawyer got us into this mess. How I wished the fund release order was signed today or tomorrow. I want this transaction not to exceed this week. We have wasted much time.

Please help save this situation.

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Perhaps I should come to Nigeria myself

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 15:57:32

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I have just retured from my supplier and read your barrage of emails. No, I have not heard anything from this "Ng Pui Man Connie", or from his lawyer, whoever he may be. Not that it would make any difference if I had done. Can you not see how preposterous it would be for me to transfer my money all the way to a complete and utter stranger in Hong Kong when you and the lawyer are in Nigeria? I have never heard of anything quite so ludicrous in all my life. Well, apart from Beaker's ridiculous idea regarding an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters, that is. Mind you, it keeps him quiet, so I shouldn't complain.

As there is seemingly no way for me to get the money to Mr Williams without involving some shady third party antipodean crook, perhaps I should travel to Nigeria myself to conclude this transaction in person.

Although this will disrupt my work somewhat, I am desperately keen to tie up our business as soon as possible, and I am willing to take a few days off in order to do this. A few days away from the workshop might do me good. And it will be good to get Icarus III up in the air again. It will also be nice to meet up with you in person at last.

As luck would have it, Beaker and I already have valid visas for Nigeria: Beaker had a brief flirtation with a Nigerian girl called Erlyn last year, and we aquired visas in order to visit her in Lagos. Alas, nothing came of the romance; she left poor Beaker heartbroken. He was so smitten that he even named his dog after her. And now he doesn't even have the dog to remind him of the relationship. Because I shot it.

Now then, Dr Danbaba, you are based in Enugu, are you not? Tell me, is there an airport in Enugu?

Perhaps you would like to give some consideration as to what date would be suitable for you. Presumably our business will not take that long, and we will be able to fly back the following day.

Please let me know about dates. The nature of my work means that I can be flexible about which day I travel. Perhaps one day at the end of this week or at the beginning of next week would be suitable?

If this idea is acceptable to you, please let me know as soon as possible so that I can prepare Icarus III and start to make my flight plans.

Wish me luck for tomorrow, Dr Danbaba. I am dreading my interview with Wilson and Jones. I am going to take your advice and tell them that Mr Lin was a supplier of goods, and that I was not aware that he was a criminal. Hopefully they will accept my explanation. I only hope I don't give the game away by blushing: my mother brought me up to always tell the truth, and I have never been able to lie convincingly.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Barr Uche Okeke

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Fund Transfer

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 10:02:43 -0500

Sir,

I was instructed by my valued client, Ng Pui Man Connie, to contact you by email. This is in connection with a transfer arrangement in which I was made to understand that my client's account was given to you for the purpose of fund transfer to Nigeria even when the account is domiciled in Hong Kong.

I wish to state that Ng Pui Man Connie Investment Limited is well known to me for over twenty years now as a manufacturing outfit here in Nigeria and also as a "bureau de change" currency converter which span of operation is over ten years now. The company has also facilitated the easy access to foreign currencies of different countries to importers and has carved a niche for itself in this area too.

We also make on the spot payments of fund transfers provided that a proof of transfer is presented in the form of a payment document. This is an exclusive service to our reputable customers only, but under special arrangements such as you as I was made to understand, as soon as we receive a payment document from you we will pay the equivalent amount in dollars to whoever you so wish that the fund be paid to, but in this case to your attorney, Barr Akintola Williams SAN.

Finally, in my capacity as the company lawyer, I wish to state inter alia that Ng Pui Man Connie Investment Limited accepts responsibility for your cash in transit till it is paid to whoever it is meant for.

Yours sincerely,

Barr Uche Okeke

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have just received an email from Barrister Uche Okeke

Sent: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 17:14:51

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I have just received an email from Barrister Uche Okeke, in which he attempted to reassure me that this shady "Ng Pui Man Connie" character isn't a criminal.

I was extremely surprised to hear from Barrister Okeke. Especially considering the fact that you told me on 21st June that he was dead.

Has the barrister contacted me from beyond the grave? Is this proof positive that there is indeed an afterlife, and that it has full internet access to boot? If so, we should inform the pope immediately. Or has the good barrister simply forgotten that he is supposed to be dead?

Kindly explain what is going on, Dr Danbaba.

Incidentally Dr Danbaba, you also told me that the late Mr Okeke represented Luke Lin in all his transactions before he died. If Mr Okeke was in such close contact with a criminal like Lin, how can I trust a word that he says? Especially considering that he is supposed to be dead?

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have just received an email from Barrister Uche Okeke

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 00:53:17 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I do not like the way you sound at times. Barr Okeke Chambers has lawyers under it and the legendary Uche Okeke is now late but his son now takes after him, that's all.

We have overflogged this issue and I am tired of trying to persuade you against your wish. It appears you do not take this transfer seriously. I do not know why you choose not to heed to my advice on this matter.

Well, start making your plans to come to Nigeria as that remains our last option. I was thinking this transfer would have been effected this morning should you use Connie's account, but since you want to come, please make it as quick as you can. Do let me know your flight arrangements so that I can make plans to pick you up at Lagos airport.

However, I contacted Maxwell, a colleague of mine who is now doing business in China, and he told me that he would give me his account, but one thing is certain, we can receive the money till after two weeks from payment so I have ruled out his account to be used.

I will be very busy today so do let me know about developments. I am very sad that we are wasting so much time in a deal like this. I am overwhelmed that you do not trust me even when I am entrusting you with such a huge amount. Well, whatever you think, let me know.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Let me know when you are ready to come

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 00:55:31 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Please do let me know your flight arrangement before coming to Nigeria.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Keep our transaction between you and I and handle things with caution. Good luck my friend

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 01:11:43 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

This transfer must be done this week. You know I told you about the auditors, if you can remember. I would like to tidy things before they start their work.

This is Maxwell's account but as I told you it takes some time before one can access this money because he lives in China.

Intermediary bank: Chase Manhatten Bank, New York

Swift code: CHASUS33

BAB routing No: 0002

Beneficiary bank: China Merchants Bank, H.O., Shengzhen, P.R.C.

Swift code: CMBCCNBS

Chips ID: 298375

Beneficiary: Maxwell China Limited

Address: Room 201, Building 29, 815 Tao Lin Road, Shanghai, China

US Dollar account No: OSA0884330932001

If you consider these options, for faster I think the Connie option is better, except if you could come this week. Since you have a visa, why not book a flight and tell me when you will arrive? When you come we will all go back together, but if you choose to pay using any of these accounts, for Maxwell it will be next week, for Connie perhaps in three days time I should be planning to meet you in London.

I will have a busy day today. I wish you could listen to me for once.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Please confirm which airport I should fly to

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 09:35:37

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your emails, and for explaining about the late Barrister Uche Okeke. I understand. I hope you can appreciate why I found it somewhat strange to receive an email from someone I assumed to be dead.

I do not have much time this morning: Captain Mainwearing and his men will be arriving at any moment, and my security grilling will no doubt take up most of the morning. I will do my best to explain matters without giving anything away about our transaction.

Why have you provided me with details of yet another foreign bank account belonging to a complete stranger, when you must know by now that I am not willing to send my money halfway around the world? I think it is best to fly directly to Nigeria myself and hand over the money in person.

Before I do so, please confirm something for me. You are based in Enugu, are you not? I was planning to fly to Enugu to meet you. However, if you are willing to come to Lagos and meet me, that will make things much easier for me. Please confirm whether I should fly to Lagos or Enugu.

How would this Thursday or Friday be for you?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Please confirm which airport I should fly to

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 05:30:14 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

If you have to come to Nigeria then you will have to disembark at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport in Lagos. That is where I am supposed to pick you up and then we will take a local flight from Lagos to Enugu where I stay. How much does it take from London to Lagos?

However, I sent my driver to the Western Union office to find out their mode of operation and if they do accept dollar transfers to Nigeria. If they accept then we will have to use Western Union and that will save cost, but if they don't then you will come to Nigeria.

I will write you as soon as my driver comes back.

How was your meeting with the detectives? I hope it went well.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Budget

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 05:40:43 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

If you have to come to Nigeria on Thursday or Friday as you said then you will have to come with some additional money, say in all you should have at least $20,000 with you. This will include the cost of the affidavit and fund release order as well as your accommodation fee. More importantly, you will still have to come with presents which you need to settle bank officials like Mrs Ogunbiyi and other top bank officials. It is the tradition here. Gifts create lots of influence in facilitating your transfer, especially when the owner of the fund is doing the transfer by himself.

I hope you are ready for that and I will be waiting to receive you on Friday as you said.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Telephone number

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 05:44:01 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I would like to speak with you on the phone so please send me a number so that I can know your voice.

Are you coming with someone? Tell me the person.

I will travel to Lagos to await your arrival so give me the exact date of your coming.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I think I got away with it

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 13:53:47

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Well, I have had my security grilling with Sergeant Wilson and Corporal Jones. To be honest with you, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sergeant Wilson was actually very pleasant throughout the interview, and whenever I started to look flustered, Corporal Jones reassured me by telling me not to panic.

Sergeant Wilson explained that as national security could be at stake, they monitor all their contractors' financial transactions via WABITS as a matter of course. That is how they found out about my attempted transfer to the crooked Mr Lin. However, I took your advice and explained to them that I had no idea Mr Lin was a criminal, and that I was merely trying to purchase chemicals from him. Thankfully, they accepted my explanation.

It looks like I got away with it, Dr Danbaba. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Captain Mainwearing told me that they would be taking no further action. He did, however, warn me to be more careful in my choice of business partners in the future, and called me a "stupid boy" under his breath.

I trust that you can now see why I am so reluctant to transfer money overseas to other people I do not know. If anything remotely dodgy were to happen, I have no doubt that the MOD would find out and that they would terminate my contract. I think it will be much safer for me to travel to Nigeria in person and hand over the money in cash. That way, it will be untraceable. Alternatively, if I could transfer the money via Western Union - in untraceable cash - that would be easier still. I did suggest Western Union some time ago, if you recall.

If I do have to travel to Nigeria, I am not planning to take a scheduled flight. I told you some weeks ago about my work on aeroplanes, and as I am a fully-trained pilot and I have the experimental Icarus III in the hangar, it would be foolish to book myself onto a scheduled flight. After all, why buy a dog if you can bark yourself? I have flown into Lagos before, so it would suit me to fly there again. If you meet me there, I will then be able to fly us all to Enugu in Icarus III.

However, do let me know about Western Union. If that is a viable option, it would save me a considerable amount of time.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I am happy for you!

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 06:09:20 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I am so happy to hear that you scaled the test. I am pleased. I must tell you that my only regret is that you did not take my advice of using this Connie's account after all my efforts to ensure that we are on the right track, but nevertheless as soon as my driver comes back from the Western Union office I should be in the position to brief you whether that will be possible, and if not then we will decide on your coming to Nigeria.

However, I heard from Mr Connie. He called to ask whether you have sent the money and I told him you are yet to do so. You did not answer my question on whether you will be coming all alone or with someone. This will help me make adequate planning on this. However, if the Western Union option is positive then we would be happy to conclude the transaction without you necessarily travelling.

If you had used Connie's account, I think by now the money would have been transferred, but we still hope that it could be done today too, because if Western Union works fine and good for us.

My regards to your colleague.

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: My prospective plans for travelling to Nigeria

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 15:04:52

Dear Dr Danbaba,

If indeed I do have to travel to Nigeria, I will be bringing Beaker along with me. He knows Icarus III like the back of his hand - after all, he helped me to design and build it - and I will be in need of a co-pilot.

Presuming that I do have to travel, I estimate that it will take approximately eleven hours for Beaker and I to fly to Lagos in Icarus III. I plan to travel overnight on Wednesday and arrive in Lagos at around 10am. If you meet me at the airport, we can then fly on to Enugu and be there to conclude our business in the afternoon.

Can you recommend any decent hotels in Enugu for Beaker and I? We would require an establishment with at least four stars, and one that is free from infestation.

You mentioned bringing along some gifts for the bank officials. What a charming local custom. If it turns out that we do need to fly to Nigeria, I will send Beaker into the village to purchase some suitable items. The general store in the village does some rather nice Gypping in the Marsh snowstorms, with a little model of Gypping windmill inside.

Get back to me regarding the possibility of using Western Union as soon as you can. If it turns out that will not be an option, I will instruct Beaker to prepare Icarus III for flight tomorrow.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I HAVE CAUGHT RINGO

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 15:14:24

Hello Dr Baba,

I went into the village today with Ringo's invisible cage and I went to the greengrocer and I told him that I could get rid of the banana eating ghost in his shop by capturing it in my invisible cage. He looked at me in a funny way but then lots of people do that to me and he said that I may as well have a go.

So I went into the back of the shop and I put some bananas into the cage and I waited and waited and waited for a long time and then there was a blur in front of my eyes and Ringo was in the cage eating the bananas and I shut the cage door.

I told the greengrocer that I had caught his ghost and he looked at me funny again so I held up the cage with Ringo inside but of course it was invisible and so was Ringo so he couldn't see anything and he thanked me and asked me to leave.

So now I am very happy that I have got Ringo back. I will ask Mr Murray if he can help me to get the paint off Ringo so that I can see him again.

You still have not told me if you will fund my project Dr Baba. Please tell me you will.

Thanking you,

Beaker

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Western Union

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 07:15:06 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

My driver, Mr David, came back and told me that it is possible for you to transfer money by Western Union, but he did not know the limit amount one could transfer, so I called Western Union to confirm it and I was told it is possible and that all that I need to present to be able to cash the amount that you would send is my driver's licence. But there is one little problem: my licence is invalid and it will take two weeks to get a renewed one, that is if I submit it today, but never to worry, we can use my driver's licence to cash the money.

Since we do not know the limit you can send, I want you to go to the Western Union office close to you and send 2,000 first and then confirm from them what is the limit you can send. Send the money in the name of my driver, Mr Nwodo Chukwuemeka David, of 16 Bassy Duke, New Haven, Enugu.

According to the lady I spoke with, she said you will be asked to provide a test question and answer which is like an identification code known to you and me alone and with which I can cash the money, so I suggest you to use the following as your test question and answer:

Question: What is your uncle's name?

Answer: Gilbert

As soon as you send the money, send to me the information with which you sent the money like the test question and answer above and the money transfer control number (MCTN) which is the ten-digit number on the slip with which you send the money. This is the information I will need to cash the money, provided you send it in the name of my driver Mr Nwodo Chukwuemeka David.

The staff also told me that at times you are asked several questions at the Western Union to know the purpose why you are sending money, so please know how to handle this. You can tell them you are sending the money to your father in law or whoever, but as you know, you have to protect us both from the transfer. I do not want people to know about this until the fund is remitted. She also said that if you send the money today I will get it immediately so far as you send the information with which the money is sent.

Wait a minute, I think it is nice you tell them you are paying for the chemicals you bought which have been delivered. You see, this is why I think using an account is better. You will have to send the money, the whole of it rather than the bits you will send by Western Union and which is expensive too, because you will have to pay commission. If you can use the Connie account I know this transaction will be faster but if you insist on Western Union then send 2,000 now and then if you ascertain the limit one can send at once, then you can send the next money in the evening.

I still prefer the account option and the Connie account is better both in fast and reliability.

I will be very busy till 4pm, so if you send the money I will pick it up with my driver this evening.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Western Union

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 07:17:19 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I am a novice in Western Union. I think it will be better for us to use the account option, but if you insist, use it, only that I don't want you to be subjected to another questioning at the Western Union office. Well, you can handle it, can't you?

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Western Union

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 07:17:52 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Contact me as soon as you send the money.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: We have found a solution

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 15:55:01

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your emails. I am delighted to hear that we have found a solution to our problem. Western Union it is.

Although I am somewhat relieved not to have to disrupt my work and travel to Nigeria, I have to admit that I was rather looking forward to the trip. I remember Lagos as being quite a beautiful city, and have fond memories of relaxing in the hotel garden in the evening, sipping a cool gin and tonic, as the sounds of squealing tyres and gunfire drifted over the wall from the city streets.

Now, to business. I am not sure myself what the transaction limit is with Western Union agents, so your idea about transferring 2,000 initially is a good one.

Unfortunately, my bank is closed now, so I will not be able to transfer the money until tomorrow morning. However, I will travel into town first thing tomorrow and transfer 2,000 to your driver. Once we are happy that the transaction has gone through smoothly, I will then transfer the rest of the amount to Mr David.

I will contact you in the morning as soon as I have transferred the money.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Barr Akintola Williams

Subject: I am transferring your money to you via one of your colleagues

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 16:02:32

Dear Mr Williams,

At long last, I have found an acceptable way of getting your fee to you. I have been corresponding with one of your colleagues at the bank, a Dr Usman Danbaba, and I have arranged to transfer the fee to him via his driver.

Dr Danbaba should have your fee by tomorrow afternoon at the latest. Hopefully then you will be able to move forward with speed and conclude our business.

Please keep me informed as to developments.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: We have found a solution

Sent: Tue, 29 Jun 2004 11:24:43 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Thank you very much. As soon as you send the money do notify me. Again, be very careful at the Western Union office and adhere strictly to what brought you there.

I was thinking you would have chosen the account option because of its safety. But all the same, keep our transaction confidential.

Do inform me as soon as you send the money.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Please read this

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 01:28:29 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

There is rather what seems to be a better solution if you can read this mail thoroughly, that is if you have not done the Western Union.

Connie came to my office this morning in respect of his account. I told him that you are not willing to use his account because of the experience we had with the last one, and it appears that you have already made up your mind on that. I narrated the story that led to this to him and told him that you do not have confidence in sending money through somebody.

Afterwards, he told me that he has never done business with me and that he had been looking for such an opportunity. That is if I could convince you that he will be willing to send to me upfront this morning half of the amount you will send and then on confirmation that you have sent money he will pay the balance. He said that if I call him and tell him that you have sent the money he will pay the remaining half with or without the document of payment.

On hearing this I was startled. I asked him why was he bent on getting this money transferred by him and then he opened up that he spends huge amounts each time he transfers money to Hong Kong, and that if you send the money from your side it will save him some of the expenses he incurs through these transfers. Furthermore, I asked him the kind of business he is into in Hong Kong and he told me he supplied chemicals used in the production of insecticide. I told him I will talk to you about it.

Come to think of that, I was reasoning that since you have told the detectives that you were trying to pay for supplies of chemicals, is it not wise that you send the money through Connie's account since it is apparent that the detectives will be watching your movements by now?

Secondly, Connie's option will afford us the opportunity to sign the fund release order today because if you send the money to him he will pay the balance of the full amount and then the lawyer will move ahead and sign the release order immediately.

Thirdly, I think it is not wise to subject you to another round of questioning at the Western Union office, as I was made to understand. Besides, since only you and I know the motive of our transaction, it is better that it is done swiftly than subjecting you to questioning at the Western Union office and me too at the point of reception. You know that since the war against terror started, transactions are scrutinised to ensure that it is not money transferred for terrorism.

I want you to give this option a serious thought, that is if you have not used Western Union, but if you have used Western Union then the remaining money can be transferred through this if you choose. Another reason why I had to write you is because the cost of sending money by Western Union is higher compared to sending by account from Europe. So consider the pros and cons and then take a decision and let me know.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Barr Akintola Williams

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I got your mail

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 01:41:00 -0700 (PDT)

Dear client,

I am waiting to hear from Dr Usman Danbaba I suppose. However, I will have to put this straight to you. I am not working in the bank. I am only an accredited lawyer to the bank, which means I work for the bank.

I will sign off the money as soon as I hear from Dr Danbaba.

Thank you and God bless.

Barr Akintola Williams

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have transferred the money to Mr David

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 10:03:29

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I have just returned from town. I withdrew 2,000 from my bank account and went straight to the Western Union agent, where I transferred the money to Mr David, using the details you gave me.

The Western Union agent told me that Mr David would need the following information to collect the money:

Sender's name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Control number: 3752969588

Test question: Beaker's favourite animal?

Answer: Monkey

Note that I could not use the test question that you suggested; apparently the question and answer cannot include the sender's name.

I do hope the money reaches Mr David safely. The young lady at the Western Union agent seemed to be having some difficulty with her computer system: she told me they were having "network problems", whatever that means, and it took her three attempts for the money transfer to go through.

The young lady did indeed ask me why I was transferring the money to Nigeria. Apparently there are a lot of criminals over in your country who carry out something called "419 fraud", or "advance fee fraud", and she told me that they often get gullible people to transfer money to them via the Western Union network. Anyway, don't worry; I didn't pass on any details of our transaction. I told her that I was sending payment to one of my suppliers, as you suggested.

Have you heard of this "419 fraud", Dr Danbaba? The young lady told me that it is widespread in your country. I think it's terrible: these contemptible criminals are besmirching the reputation of honest, hard-working Nigerians such as yourself around the world.

Anyway, please let me know as soon as Mr David has collected the money. As soon as I hear that the transfer was successful, I will transfer across the remaining amount.

Incidentally, I am pleased to report that Beaker and I achieved a remarkable breakthrough last night in our work on the "dark bulb" I am developing for the Ministry of Defence. We are only working on a very small scale at the moment, but after working long and hard late into the night, we finally managed to produce a bulb with a fine lead-alloy filament which projected dark when turned on. Unfortunately the filament burned out almost immediately due to the intensity of the electrical current required to produce the dark. However, this still represents a giant step forwards.

I look forward to hearing from you, my friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. You still have not let me know if you would like to accept my offer of accommodation when you travel over to this country. Please let me know as soon as you can and I will get Beaker to start clearing out the caravan for you.

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The transfer was not made

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 03:05:41 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I called the Western Union office with the MCTN and the lady said no money was sent. She said you should send by email attachment the receipt of the Western Union transfer that you claim to have made, so send the receipt immediately.

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have transferred the money to Mr David

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 03:11:07 -0700 (PDT)

Send also the address with which you used in sending the money.

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I am most distressed at this news

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 11:16:38

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am most distressed to hear that there has been a problem with the transfer. I cannot think what the matter can be. The Western Union agent did seem to be having some computer problems when I made the transfer. Perhaps their computer problems are to blame for this. Or maybe the transfer is just taking a little time to show up on their system: I did only make the transfer a short time ago.

Please accept my sincere apologies, my friend.

I have scanned in the Western Union receipt, and attached it to this email. May I suggest that you ask Mr David to take the receipt to your local Western Union agent and see if he can resolve the problem?

I am sure that everything will be sorted out by the time he gets to the Western Union agent.

Let me know how he gets on.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I am most distressed at this news

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 03:22:37 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Gilbert,

I will get back to you shortly. I will drive to the Western Union office with my driver.

Danbaba

From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: RINGO IS NOT VERY WELL

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 11:53:03

Hello Dr Baba,

You have still not told me if you want to get involved in my monkey business. Please let me know.

Ringo is not very well today. I tried to get Mr Murray's paint off him last night by scrubbing him very hard with a stiff wire brush but he did not seem to like that and he bit me and made a lot of angry monkey noises and a lot of his invisible fur came off and now this morning although I can see him he is not very well at all. I bathed him in concentrated bleach but that did not seem to help matters.

It does not look like he will make it through the rest of the day so I do not think we will be able to use him in our project. Never mind. We can always get more monkeys.

Please let me know if you want to fund my project Dr Baba. You have kept me waiting so long.

Thanking you,

Beaker

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: What is going on?

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 13:21:59

Dear Dr Danbaba,

What is going on? Have you managed to sort things out at the Western Union agent?

Please keep me informed, my friend. I am not comfortable with the idea that my 2,000 has been lost in the system.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: You are a liar, a big one!

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 05:57:01 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I did not get the money. Western Union says nothing was sent. The transaction is not in the system so where on earth did you pay the money?

Secondly, it was discovered that the receipt of Western Union that you sent was typed instead of filled in with your handwriting, which makes it fake.

So what on hell do you think you are doing?

I am not willing to go back to the Western Union office again because you have embarrassed me. If however, you are willing to move ahead, send the money through Connie's account because I have lost confidence in you.

You are full of shit!

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Re: You are a liar, a big one!

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 14:03:41

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I deeply resent your implication that I did not make the Western Union transfer to Mr David today. I am grossly offended.

I may be many things, Dr Danbaba, but I am not a liar. I give you my word on that. I am as honest a man as you are, Dr Danbaba.

Instead of blaming this problem on me, has it not occurred to you that the Western Union network could be at fault? Or perhaps your local Western Union agent is poorly-trained and does not know how to do her job (rather like Barrister Williams)? Or perhaps she has the intelligence and common sense of one of Beaker's monkeys (again, rather like Barrister Williams)?

I suggest that instead of blaming me for this problem, Dr Danbaba, we work together to sort it out. In the meantime, I expect a full apology from you.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have sorted out the Western Union problem

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 15:24:28

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am still waiting for an apology from you for impugning my integrity. Your scurrilous accusations have hurt me deeply. This is no way to talk to a business partner. Have you no manners, sir?

Despite your harsh words, I am willing to continue doing business with you: this transaction means too much to me to simply abandon it.

After reading that you and Mr David were unable to collect the money from your Western Union agent, I got Beaker to drive me into town, and I went back to my own Western Union agent to find out what the problem was.

I explained the situation to the agent, who looked into the problem and found that my money transfer had got "stuck in the system" (to use her own words). Apparently Western Union have just installed some new software at their main UK network routing centre, and it has been causing problems.

The agent apologised profusely, and immediately got on the telephone to the Western Union network routing centre to resolve the problem. She assured me that the problem has now been sorted out, so Mr David should now be able to collect the money from your local agent.

Incidentally, I mentioned to the agent that you had been told that the receipt was forged because it was not handwritten. The agent explained to me that the introduction of the new software in the UK has meant that all payment slips are now typed, to avoid problems caused by illegible handwriting. However, this innovation has not been introduced throughout the entire Western Union network yet, which could explain why your agent was confused.

Please accept my apologies for this problem, Dr Danbaba. However, as I am sure you can appreciate, the problem has been caused by Western Union, not by me.

Now that I have apologised to you for the embarrassment I inadvertently caused you today, I would appreciate an apology back from you for the language you used in your last email.

Kindly get back to me by return.

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba; Cc: Barr Akintola Williams; Victoria Ogunbiyi

Subject: I feel like you have been wasting my time

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 17:22:52

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I have to say, your silence is most disappointing, as is your lack of an apology. Considering the amount of time and effort you have put into this transaction, I am surprised by your lack of communication. I feel like you have been wasting my time, Dr Danbaba.

You may be interested to know that I have just been contacted by a very pleasant-sounding chap called Abacha, who is putting forward a business proposal that is startlingly similar to your own. Mr Abacha sounds like a charming fellow, and I have to say, he presents himself in a much more professional manner than you, Dr Danbaba. And I have no doubt that his attorney will be a good deal more proficient than the wretched Mr Williams, whose performance could easily have been bettered by one of Beaker's monkeys.

If I do not hear from you by tomorrow morning, I will have no choice but to cancel the Western Union transfer I made today, and pursue Mr Abacha's proposal. Given all the time you have invested in this transaction, it will be your loss, Dr Danbaba.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Let me have your telephone number if you are genuine

Sent: Wed, 30 Jun 2004 11:10:54 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I have checked at the Western Union office for the third time and was told no money was sent. In fact the lady said the copy you attached is fake and that Western Union receipts are not typed but hand-written.

Go back and make corrections and write me tomorrow.

You have spoiled my day.

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have transferred the money to Mr David

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 01:24:37 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I just returned from the Western Union office with no solution this morning. The officer still maintains that nothing was sent. In fact she took me in and showed me how to check if there was money sent. If you go to www.westernunion.com and click Order Status and then you key in the MCTN with your name and then check. If the money is in there it would reflect, but if not it will show that nothing was sent. You can confirm by yourself.

However, I will advise that you rectify the problem and get back to me. In the main I suggest that you send the next money by MoneyGram if Western Union is not working.

I await your response asap.

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have rectified the situation

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 10:12:08

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I was relieved to receive your last emails, although I was disappointed to see that it did not include an apology for the unreasonable manner in which you have written to me.

My dear friend, it is simply not fair of you to blame me for your Western Union agent's failings. As for suggesting that the receipt I sent you was a forgery, I am deeply hurt by such an accusation. I have already told you what my Western Union agent told me about the new software they have installed in this country, and the fact that Western Union receipts are now printed by the agent, rather than hand-written. It is not my fault if you live in some backwards place in which Western Union has yet to introduce the latest technology.

No matter. Despite your attitude, I have put Mr Abacha on hold, and will try one more time to conclude our business.

With that in mind, I got Beaker to drive me into town again first thing this morning. I went to the Western Union agent and cancelled the transaction. I then went directly to my bank and asked my Bank Manager, Nat West, for his advice on the best way to send money to Nigeria.

Just as the Western Union agent had done, Mr West quizzed me on why I wanted to send such a large amount of money to Nigeria, and warned me about the "419 fraud" problem that is apparently so widespread in your country.

Don't worry, Dr Danbaba. I didn't tell Mr West anything about our transaction: I know how keen you are on secrecy, and I can appreciate why, given your position at the bank and the large amount of money involved. I told Mr West the same thing that I told my Western Union agent: that I was transferring money to a supplier in return for goods that I had received.

Mr West recommended that I transfer the money using the Guaranteed International Money Provision Service (GIMPS). Although this costs a little more than a standard bank transfer, apparently using GIMPS means that the money is transferred instantly, rather than taking days. In addition to this, the recipient can specify the bank account into which the money should be transferred, at the time at which they collect the money.

GIMPS is apparently linked in to the worldwide Visa network, so any bank around the world that accepts Visa will also deal with GIMPS transactions. I imagine that most banks in Nigeria will therefore be members of the GIMPS network. Using GIMPS, the recipient must go to a bank and ask the cashier for a GIMPS form, which they then fill in with details provided by the sender in order to collect the money. This is the point at which the recipient can specify the bank account into which the money should be transferred. Apparently it does not even have to be a bank account in the recipient's own name. The cashier is then able to access the money via the GIMPS network, and transfer it into the nominated account instantly.

GIMPS sounded absolutely ideal for our purposes: using GIMPS, you should be able to access the money today, rather than having to wait. Therefore, I have transferred 7,500 to your driver, Mr David. This amount covers the $8,788.55 fund release order, the $3,000 court charges and stamp duty, and the lawyer's $1,800 consultation fee. It also includes a small extra amount, to cover any difference caused by international exchange rate fluctuations.

Mr David should therefore be able to collect the money instantly. All he needs to do is to go to a bank (one that deals with Visa, and therefore GIMPS), ask the cashier for a GIMPS form, and complete it with the following information:

Sending account name: Gilbert Arnold Murray

Account number: 74053275

Sort code: 21-38-19

Account holding bank: Bartletts Bank PLC, 14 Slocombe Street, Lincoln, Lincolnshire, UK

GIMPS code: 23F-57T-674G

Please let me know as soon as Mr David has collected the money. I am getting tired of this constant faffing about.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Guaranteed International Money Provision Service (GIMPS)

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 03:01:39 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I will check if there are banks that operate this service and thereafter I will get back to you. We are conversant with Western Union and MoneyGram as transfer schemes that operate in Nigeria, but not this one.

I will check at a nearby bank, Guarantee Trust Bank PLC.

I had expected you sell the idea to me first but you did not. I would have advised you to use Connie's account since he said he will pay me upfront on receiving a payment document, but not to worry, I will check with my driver and get back to you accordingly.

I was really upset yesterday. I spent the most part of my time trying to source the money with no avail. Please do accept my apologies if you feel very hurt.

As for the Abacha case, do not even contemplate it. It will definitely send you to jail. The federal government is tracking on the Abacha loot and if you get involved you will be tracked, not even now but after you have committed your fund. It has happened to some people I know, so if you want to retain your reputation at the MOD, forget about the Abachas.

$148 million is large enough for us, so let's close ranks to get this done now.

I will contact you shortly.

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Send document of payment by attachment

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 03:06:58 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Please do send to me the document with which you made the payment with.

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Bring out the GIMPS

Sent: Thu, 01 Jun 2004 11:23:41

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your emails, and for your apologies, which I accept with gratitude.

Thank you also for the inside information on this Abacha fellow who has been contacting me. Do you know the man? Is he a criminal? He sounded very reputable to me. It goes to show that you never can tell.

I have scanned in the GIMPS payment slip and attached it to this email. I don't think Mr David will need it in order to collect the money, but you may as well have it anyway.

Please let me know as soon as the money is in your hands.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: GIMPS services are not operational here

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 04:57:04 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I have contacted all the banks that operate within this town and none operates GIMPS. I called the headquarters of some of the notable banks I know and they confirmed to me that the scheme is a new scheme in this part of the world. I do not know what else to do on this matter, my dear friend.

I am appealing to you to call back the money and then please and please transfer it to Connie's account and thereafter send to me the payment slip and with that alone Connie will pay me in full the valued amount that you send. He has promised to do that as soon as he sees the payment document, so why do we have to waste so much time and energy? I guarantee that nothing will happen to your money if sent through Connie's account. Please do this for my sake and I will ever remain grateful to you. If you can recall the money today and send it to Connie's account immediately and then with the payment document I am pretty sure that Connie will pay me the value today. In fact, he even said that as soon as I tell him that you will be sending the money to his account, that he would send to me half of the amount and then on seeing the payment document he will pay the balance immediately, so my dear friend, if you trust me, for once last time do this so that later in the day this transfer would be concluded.

I know how difficult it is for you owing to what happened the other time but I assure you that there will never be any embarrassment. I do not understand why all this stress. I was thinking the Western Union was the best option but since it is evident that they have insufficient software down here please use Connie's account and I am very sure the money will reach me quickly. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt, besides he has been yearning to do business with me, so please do understand.

I pray that you will come to terms with me on this matter.

Thank you very much for your patience and understanding.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Please do not disappoint me because I have high confidence in you

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 05:01:05 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I have checked in several banks and it appears that the account option is the only way forward, so please do go to your bank and talk to your Bank Manager to withdraw the GIMPS and then you can send it through Connie's account.

Consider all that we have gone through in a bid to get this transfer done, but I assure you that I will access the money as soon as you send it through Connie's account.

Your co-operation is highly appreciated.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: I will ever remain grateful

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 05:23:05 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Please, I have to beg you to do me this favour. I do not want this transfer to exceed this week, so please do as I suggest and I will ever remain grateful to you for your kindness. Please try Connie's account. I assure you everything will be fine, please my dear friend.

I cannot rest till I see that the transfer is effected. I have talked with Connie and I was assured that as soon as there is evidence of payment that I will get the money, so my dear friend make this sacrifice for us. Your Bank Manager should have told you that we do not operate such a transaction as the GIMPS, or does he know of any bank that is affliated to your bank here in Nigeria that does it?

I hope you will be kind enough not to turn down my request. Please save my soul.

I await to hear from you.

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: A solution to our problem

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 14:19:08

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Please do not beg, Dr Danbaba. It is most unmanly of you.

I am surprised to hear that GIMPS is not available in Nigerian banks. Nat West assured me that this was a worldwide network. Obviously it has not made its way out into your neck of the woods yet.

Well, here we are again at an impasse. You beg me to transfer the money into a foreign account in the name of this shady "Ng Pui Man Connie" character, and I am unwilling to do so, in case the man turns out to be another crook like Mr Lin and the MOD finds out about it. You cannot be too careful, Dr Danbaba. Not everyone is as trustworthy as you and I.

However, I think I have a solution to our intractable problem. Now that I know that the MOD monitors Mr Fudd's WABITS, I will ask Nat West if he can run "Ng Pui Man Connie" through the system before I make a transfer. If the man comes up clean, I will transfer the money into his account today, safe in the knowledge that the transaction will not arouse the suspicion of Sergeant Wilson and Corporal Jones.

I shall get Beaker to drive me into town immediately, where I shall cancel the GIMPS transaction and make enquiries about "Ng Pui Man Connie". If the man is as clean as you say, we will have nothing to worry about.

I will get back to you as soon as I return from town. If all goes well, I hope to have positive news for you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thank you very much Mr Murray, I wonder what I would have done without you

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 06:31:08 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

Thank you very much for taking this position. I believe that we are on the right track. Connie would definitely run out clean.

I assure you that all is well with this fellow.

Thank you once again my friend.

I await your mail.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: What kind of people do you do business with?

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 15:59:47

Dr Danbaba,

I have just returned from town. Beaker drove me straight to the bank, where I cancelled the GIMPS transaction I had made. Then I talked to Nat West and explained the situation to him.

Mr West is well aware of the sensitive nature of my work, and therefore agreed to check out Ng Pui Man Connie's account for me using WABITS. He logged into the WABITS system on the bank's computer and entered the details of Ng Pui Man Connie's account.

Almost immediately, the computer beeped loudly and the words "419 ALERT" appeared on the screen in big red flashing letters. Mr West delved a little deeper into the system and discovered that, according to WABITS, this account is associated with this "419 fraud" both he and the Western Union agent had warned me about.

I have attached a scan of the WABITS printout so that you can see this for yourself, Dr Danbaba.

What kind of people do you do business with, Dr Danbaba? First of all Mr Lin's account is flagged up as "potentially dangerous", and now it turns out that Ng Pui Man Connie's account is being used by advance fee fraudsters!

Do you not look into the background of the people you do business with, Dr Danbaba? It seems to me that we are surrounded by criminals on all sides.

I consider myself to have had a lucky escape. If I had transferred money into this account as you begged me to do, once again, the MOD would have found out about it, and I would have been in serious trouble this time. They have given me a warning about this sort of thing already, so there is no doubt in my mind that they would have terminated my contract if it had happened again.

I imagine that you will be as shocked at this news as I was, Dr Danbaba. I suggest you take a long hard look at the people you do business with. I think some of them may be taking advantage of you.

Well, where do we go from here? The 7,500 is now back safe in my bank account, but we are no nearer a solution to our problem. How can I get the money to you?

Perhaps a trip to Nigeria is the only way. After all that has happened, there is no way on this earth that I am prepared to risk my money in the accounts of any of the shady criminals you appear to be surrounded by. I would rather place my John Thomas in the hands of a madman with a machete.

Do you have any other suggestions? If not, it looks like I will have to travel to Nigeria in order to sort this out once and for all.

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: A more better option

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 13:30:41 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I must tell you that I was distressed when I got your mail about Connie. Why on earth is everything not working out?

At first it was Mr Lin and now Connie. Why would someone who promised to give us the fund upfront be involved in 419 fraud? I still cannot believe your source. This guy is an international businessman for goodness sake, so why do you think he is willing to pay me upfront? I must tell you, I am confused.

However, since you have used Western Union to no avail and GIMPS with no success and the two accounts of Mr Lin and Connie, then I want you to use MoneyGram, which is another form of sending money just like Western Union. I have never heard that money sent by Western Union is unclaimed, only from you, and I really want to know what went wrong. So I suggest that you use MoneyGram and use the name of my secretary and personal assistant, that is Mr Nwodo Chukwuemeka David, and Mr Ikechukwu Aroh. I want you to send to each of these persons 3,000 and 3,500 tomorrow, being Friday. I hope you will do that first thing in the morning. You already have the address of Mr David, so send the money using the same address: 18 Bassy Duke, New Haven, Enugu.

I am looking forward to seeing if this one wouldn't work as in the Western Union. I cannot explain why everything is not working, so I hope you will send the money immediately.

Meanwhile, Connie still maintains that you are far from the truth. He does not indulge in 419 activities and no other persons use his account, according to him. He still maintains that he does not know what you are talking about and that if he was in 419 activities, his account would have been blacklisted. I am confused about these developments.

Could you send to me the phone numbers of your banker, Nat West, so that I can speak with the Manager on this issue? I do not understand what is really going on.

As soon as you send the money by MoneyGram tomorrow, send to me the payment information so that my driver can pick it up.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I shall transfer the money via MoneyGram

Sent: Thu, 01 Jul 2004 21:49:42

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for your email. I am not surprised that you were distressed when you read the truth about this shady "Ng Pui Man Connie" character. I was extremely distressed myself at the thought that I almost transferred money to the bank account of someone involved in 419 advance fee fraud.

I am not surprised that this Connie is denying everything to you. He obviously doesn't want you to know the truth about him. Captain Mainwearing, Sergeant Wilson and Corporal Jones told me earlier this week that the information within WABITS can be relied on to be absolutely authentic. If I were you, I would cease all contact with this Connie immediately. He may lead you astray. That could be why he is so keen to do business with you. After all, as a respected bank official, you don't want to get involved in criminal activities, do you?

I think your idea of trying out MoneyGram is a good one. However, I have not used this method of transferring money before. Will I need to know the address of Mr Ikechukwu Aroh in order to complete the MoneyGram form? If so, please send it to me as soon as you can. I have Mr David's address, so I just need Mr Aroh's.

Get back to me as soon as you can, and I will transfer the money tomorrow.

I must get back to the workshop. Beaker and I are experimenting to ascertain the best material to use as the filament in the "dark bulb" we are working on. I imagine we will be working late into the night again.

I look forward to hearing from you, my friend.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I shall transfer the money via MoneyGram

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 01:46:53 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I was actually shaken to the marrow on this development, I must tell you, but all the same I hope we do not have any more problems with the MoneyGram. The information you requested is as follows:

Mr Ikechukwu Aroh, 12 Akutu Close, Independence Layout, Enugu.

I just hope this will be the final step at getting this fund transferred.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Send to me phone number

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 01:50:13 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

I want you to send to me the phone number through which I can contact you as soon as possible. Send to me also the phone number of your Bank Manager so that I can talk to him as well.

Regards,

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I have transferred the money via MoneyGram

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 10:51:09

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Thank you for providing me with Mr Aroh's address as requested.

Given the problems we have had over the past few days transferring money between ourselves, I thought it best to try out one MoneyGram transfer at first, rather than to make two as you suggested. If the first transfer goes through without any problems, I will then make the second transfer later today.

Therefore, I got Beaker to drive me into town after I received your email, and I have made a MoneyGram transfer to Mr David for 3,000.

The MoneyGram agent told me that Mr David would need to know the transfer reference number in order to collect the money, and that he might have to present photo ID when he picks it up, although he was not sure about this last point. The agent also asked me for a test question and answer, for additional security. I have used the same test question and answer as I used with the Western Union agent.

The details Mr David needs in order to collect the money are as follows:

MoneyGram reference number: 46713396

Test question: Beaker's favourite animal?

Answer: Monkey

I am keeping my fingers crossed that this transfer goes through without any of the irritating problems we have encountered over the past few days. The agent assured me that MoneyGram is one of the most reliable methods of transferring money in existence, so hopefully we should not have any problems.

Let me know as soon as Mr David has collected the money, my friend, and I will make the second transfer.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Sorry, I forgot to attach the payment slip

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 12:19:39

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I am sorry, I forgot to attach the payment slip to my last email. I don't think Mr David will actually need it in order to collect the money, but I have scanned it in and attached it to this email, just in case.

Are you doing anything pleasant over the weekend, my friend? Unfortunately, Beaker and I are going to have to see to a bit of maintenance around the house: the drains are blocked at the rear of Hemlock Cottage. Luckily I have a long drain rod in the shed and we can access the drains via the passage that leads to the back yard, so with Beaker's help I should be able to sort out the problem myself.

I will ask Beaker to take my long rod up the back passage, and I will probably have to push extremely hard in order to get things to start flowing. Hopefully things will not get too messy; however, I will probably have to give my rod a bit of a wipe when I remove it from the dirty hole.

Please let me know as soon as Mr David has collected the money.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

(Click to enlarge)

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: I have transferred the money via MoneyGram

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 05:25:17 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Murray,

You have not provided me with the phone numbers I requested from you. I want to speak with your Bank Manager with respect to the transfer.

Again, I will send my driver to the MoneyGram office. I hope there won't be another problem this time around.

I will get in touch later.

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Telephone numbers

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 13:30:41

Dear Dr Danbaba,

If you remember, I told you at the outset of our business relationship that I did not have a telephone connection here at Hemlock Cottage. It is no bad thing: the last time we had a phone in the house, Beaker ran up some horrendous telephone bills by calling astrology lines that cost up to 1.50 per minute.

As for my Bank Manager's telephone number, I am not sure that giving that to you is a good idea. You have been keen to keep the details of this transaction between the two of us all along, and have asked me on more than one occasion not to mention anything about it to Mr West. I am afraid that you may put your own position at the bank at risk if you give anything away regarding our transaction to my Bank Manager.

I look forward to hearing that Mr David has collected the money. I will be able to make the second transfer this afternoon as soon as I hear that he has picked it up successfully.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Dr Usman Danbaba

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Re: Telephone numbers

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 05:40:08 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Gilbert,

Do you have any telephone number I can call to reach you, and at what time anywhere you will be at the weekend?

I will not call your Bank Manager now till remittance has been approved, not now.

Why haven't you called me all this while? I really want to speak with you my friend.

Danbaba

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I do not have a telephone

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 13:50:41

Dear Dr Danbaba,

I have not called you simply because I do not have a telephone. I conduct all of my business via email, using my satellite link.

I find that it suits my method of working: I find constantly-ringing telephones a distraction.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: Has Mr David collected the money yet?

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 16:14:03

Dear Dr Danbaba,

Has Mr David collected the money yet?

Some hours have now passed since you told me he was going to the MoneyGram office, but you have not yet got back to me. You will have to let me know soon if you want me to arrange the second transfer before the MoneyGram agent in town closes.

I do not want this transaction to drag on for another week, Dr Danbaba.

Please let us have no more delays from your end. Get back to me by return.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: I am beginning to have my doubts about you

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 16:53:54

Dr Danbaba,

Your continued silence is most disturbing. I have to tell you that I am beginning to have my doubts about you.

You are supposed to be a high-ranking banking official, and Mr Williams is supposed to be an experienced barrister. And yet throughout this whole transaction the two of you have consistently fouled things up in the most unprofessional manner imaginable. It has been like doing business with Laurel and Hardy.

Your recent repeated failure to collect the money I have transferred is a perfect case in point. I have used every method of transfer I could think of, but no matter what I have done, you have consistently failed to manage to pick it up.

This is certainly not the behaviour I would expect from a high-ranking banking official, Dr Danbaba. In fact I am beginning to wonder if you really are a high-ranking banking official. Perhaps you are actually one of these "419 scammers" that my Bank Manager warned me about.

The more I think about it, the more the things you have been telling me sound unbelievable. Perhaps you really are one of these execrable low-lifes.

If this is so, shame on you, Dr Danbaba. It is galling to think that everything you have been telling me could have been a lie. Especially considering what an unfailingly honest chap I am myself.

If you are indeed who you say you are, Dr Danbaba, now is the time to convince me. But believe me, I will take a lot of convincing.

Gilbert Murray

From: Beaker

To: Dr Usman Danbaba

Subject: ANOTHER PROJECT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN

Sent: Fri, 02 Jul 2004 17:25:52

Hello Dr Baba,

I was very disappointed that you did not get back to me about my monkey project. I would have thought a bit of monkey business was right up your street.

Ringo is dead now. I buried his poor little monkey body next to John-Paul and George at the bottom of the garden. Because Ringo was my favourite I made him his own special little wooden memorial carved into the shape of a banana and I etched some words into it:

Here lies Ringo my invisible monkey friend

Who liked eating bananas right up to the end

I was very sad when I buried him and I am not ashamed to say that I cried.

I don't think I will carry on with my monkey project now that Ringo is dead. It would make me too sad because all the little monkeys would remind me of him as they tapped away at their little monkey typewriters.

But don't worry Dr Baba because I have another idea for a project that I think will suit you down to the ground. I want to experiment to find out how many 419 scammers it takes to screw in a lightbulb. Mr Murray reckons it takes two: one to get the lightbulb out of the packet and one to screw it up into the light fitting.

I thought you might be interested in taking part in this experiment because Mr Murray tells me that you are good at screwing things up. In fact he told me that you screwed everything up right from the moment you got in touch with him.

Please let me know if you want to take part in my experiment Dr Baba. We could put you up in Hemlock Cottage if you like. You could sleep in Ringo's cage: Mr Murray says that given your immediate prospects it might do you good to get used to being behind bars.

Thanking you,

Beaker